The comments section on this video is terrible, but at least the top comment isn't "I thought onion news was fake" or "this is more real than the actual news".
Actually, an atheist can still believe that and still believe only heterosexuality is right, while a gay person can be religous. I believe in human morality of the reverence and respect for most life and the like. Atheism would be horrible without human morals or some kind of morality.
@Tysrian what highly evolved rocks don't have value!?!? That damn 'molecular genetics miracle' salesman got me farming and trying to grow rock people for nothing! Should made one from dirt and huffed my breath at it or something like I thought I should in the first place!
You asked what gives "highly evolved rocks" their value, so I asked what gives currency its value. (I did this so you could perhaps take a hint. I believe the same thing gives value to both.)
@57worldwide OK. Money gets it value from people assigning value to it. Money is an accepted substitute for material possession that is what makes it value. I do not understand on what basis or foundation atheists would create morals for human beings. Money has value but no one is fighting against 'money rights violations' or 'crimes against money'.
@Tysrian the problem starts when money is assigned a value by a central bank, not by any physical object. This is a problem because it erradicates the purpose of money in the first place, to be a paper representation of something that is used to trade for goods and services. Without exception this leads to inflation, which in turn leads to devaluation of the currency, the increase of prices on imported goods (basically everything these days), and with corruption in the right places: poverty.
@Tysrian keep in mind that paper money for as long as it has existed up until the 1930's (i may be off a decade) was only a piece of paper that represented it's equal value in gold. It was meant as a practical alternative to carrying 20lb of gold everywhere you went to pay for things. Today, the only thing that gives money value is how much money is in the system. this is called "Fiat currency".
Implicit in your idea that atheists have no basis for humanity is the idea that morality is not something internal and must be dictated by an outside force.
Obedience to power is not morality; it is the mark of a sycophant.
@Silkeyn If you believe that humans are overdeveloped rocks why would we even need morals? Wouldn't that be in contradiction with the 'scientific facts' that we dont really have any inherent value. We are just a convenient coincidence, a product of chance, nothing special. Why would you abandon 'scientific truth' just because you have a chemical reaction telling you that human life is valuable. Atheists are harmless now but God forbid that they actually start believing their theories.
Morals come from logical consistency, and the need to coexist with each other.
True morals have something important at the core of them: universality. In other words, consistency; since humans are not fundamentally different from each other, the same moral rules apply to everyone the same.
However, this is not a small topic to discuss, so if you want to continue it, we will have to move to a different medium (I hate youtube's comment system). Email, perhaps? I won't bite you.
@juggasteveo YOU FOREIGN CANADIAN TERRORIST!!!! YOURE ANTI MILITARY!! DEMOCRACY IS TRUTH!! SPREAD THE TRUTH!! GINGRICH 2012!!! NEWT! NEWT!NEWT! NEWQT!!1!!
@orrgla YEs once we get tired tired of him all we have to do is pretend to be uglier older and sick and he will leave us for a younger nation...perhaps south sudan?The guy actually thinks he is moral and a christian...people that moraly bankrupt enough to cheat 3 times go straight to hell in christianity and so will our nation if we elect that pillsbury dough boy douche...RON PAUL 2012....also your trolling and being funny
@bigbeeftomatoes Yeah i know atheist for life but if someone claims they believe in so called higher morals like marriage between man and woman and what not and then they are a hypocrite about it can fuck off to his or her hell.....he is obviously a sociopath
@Max17766 yeah, shits fucked up right now over here, make no mistake. here's an american who agrees with you, the only reason we're in such shit is because congress blocks obamas every move! they wont let him budge to do anything, and then the right wing comes swooping in about how this mess is his fault. congress grins and agrees, while their pockets get bigger and bigger from these right wing lobbyists. idk if i made sense, but point is its a never ending self-destructive cycle
what the FUCK is rong with this fucking country! we have a sick violent terrorist president, AND WE CANT EVEN GET THE BUGET RIGHT THEY WERE GONNA TAKE ALL THAT MONEY AWAY FROM THE MILITARY! LIBTARDS!!
@orrgla I don't give a shit, you government is ineffective as hell. But, go ahead, keep deregulating and slamming Obama. God forbid a guy helps his citizens and gives the rich the middle finger!
@orrgla I know I'm not, I'd be too ashamed of my nationality if I was. Your country has been fucked since Reagan, but yet, you seem to have the morbid curiosity to continually elect people who WANT only good for corporations, they don't give a fuck about you.
@Max17766 HOW DARE YOU SPEAK AGAINST AMERICA YOU HIPPE HOW DARE YOU. AND FYI THE SUPREME COURT JUST DECIDED THAT CORPORATIONS HAVE 1ST AMENDMENT RIGHTS SO GUS WHAT THEY ARE PEOPLE LIBTARD
@orrgla I prefer to be called a "democratic socialist", not a hippie*. Also, corporations are NOT people. They're profit making legal entities, supreme court ruling or not.
@orrgla WAS THE BIGGEST THEN THEY FAILED DUE TO THERE OVERWHELMING HUNGER FOR WAR AND THE MILITARY...THEY PUT ALL THERE MONEY IN THE WAR MACHINE,AND IN THE PROCESS LOST THERE SENSE OF DEMOCRATIC STATUS....THE SAME WILL BE FOR THIS COUNTRY IF WE DONT TAKE UP A DIFFERENT FOREIGN POLICY....WAR IS NEVER A WAY TO HAVE DEMOCRACY
@TheHm3 Hoover was a great humanitarian and civil servant... up until about the time he got elected. Then he started sucking. Putting MacArthur in charge of handling the bonus marches? It's like asking a fox to make sure your baby chickens don't run off.
@sanmanx12we that's satire. And really who the hell signs their comments not only with their first and last name but also their former job. Are you serious. This piece of information will be available on a server for the rest of time. Smart one.
So true. If only people would just refrain from cracking jokes or being otherwise critical of those in power then our world would be a much better place. [Satire]
The schools joke was fail. America spends a shit load of taxpayer money on schools but union bureaucracy keeps them shitty. A lot of it just gets funneled directly to big unions.
"Accidentally sending parts of the defense budget towards schools helping foster academic excellence" that ones obviously fake, American politicians would never make that mistake.... O_O
You guys don't seem to realize that this is really just an advertisement for their web site. That's why they don't spend to long on any one joke. These are just some of the articles that were posted in the last week. They want you to visit the onion for the full article so the can get money from the banner ads on their site. They don't get money from YouTube.
@Skulblaka377 I disagree. While they may advertise their website at the end of the video, it doesn't mean that their YouTube channel is purely advertisement, otherwise they wouldn't have thought up about 380 videos just to get people to watch until the end where they say "Please visit our website". Also, when you said "That's why they don't spend too long on anyone joke" is also false. They don't spend much time on one joke because they make skits.
i disagree with with captstormwind. onionnews has made 100's of vids, so why not start another way of telling it? especially for the general youtube audience who seem to have the attention span of a 3 yr old and can hardly watch anything more the 2 minutes long anyway. besides, news productions do this kind of update thing too. so stfu, stormwind. your whole existence is a "total pill"
@pat5168 This guy indeed blows. They should hit him over the head with the shovel they used to dig a shallow pit--not that I don't like him, or anything.
@shit4brains222 hahaha sorry, never expected it to be the top comment, just make sure to watch the vids before reading the comments, I had the same problem.
I think it's pretty great as is. It's just video commentary added along with their headlines they always have at the bottom fleshed out a bit more. And you have to admit, the footage of Obama staring at that button and rubbing his forehead is hilarious.
As soon as I hear this guys voice I skip to the next vid now. None of the other ones with him were funny, theres no reason to think this will be. I hope The Onion returns to form soon, the past 2 months have been less than great.
Wow that's amazing how Obama is so stupid to even think about pressing a button that shouldn't even be there. That's very unprofessional and all this is not news worthy and yes I know it's fake just messing with everyone.
In other news, a new use for the portable solar fire ray device was found: Scientists say that it can also be used to see objects larger and more detailed.
@RiseOfTheNerd no, it's funny. it is. and anybody who thinks it's funny probably doesn't care at all that you don't. this shit is hilarious to those of us that understand it...
Yes, only on an Onion Video would two retards debate the implications of whether an atheist or a symbolic rock has better morals.
gb6710 55 minutes ago
you have more than "just to see what happen", obama
DanyyDezeyte 3 days ago
I love the onions version of the prez
insanity1213 4 days ago
The comments section on this video is terrible, but at least the top comment isn't "I thought onion news was fake" or "this is more real than the actual news".
Freshman000000 4 days ago
how the hell does every comment thread end up into a debate about religion?
DaMaster2401 1 week ago 18
@DaMaster2401 Because religious is bullshit and people are just starting to realize it.
OddOpinion 4 days ago
........that is all the news the free masons want you to know this week........Hilarious.
azzy314159 2 weeks ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
sdfiojssdjhsodgshdofgdshfosdhuohio SODUIFGH IODHS SIDFGHKDSIFG
comrade127 2 weeks ago
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
Yeah, I hate when that happens >_>
Pertrosfoliea 2 weeks ago
@finka123456
Actually, an atheist can still believe that and still believe only heterosexuality is right, while a gay person can be religous. I believe in human morality of the reverence and respect for most life and the like. Atheism would be horrible without human morals or some kind of morality.
Darty105 2 weeks ago
@Darty105 I dont understand that, If you believe that humans are essentially nothing but highly evolved rocks what is it that gives them value?
Tysrian 2 weeks ago
@Tysrian what highly evolved rocks don't have value!?!? That damn 'molecular genetics miracle' salesman got me farming and trying to grow rock people for nothing! Should made one from dirt and huffed my breath at it or something like I thought I should in the first place!
warangel87 1 week ago
@Tysrian Money is paper, plastic, or semi rare metal. What gives money value?
57worldwide 1 week ago
@57worldwide First explain to me how your question is relevant to my question.
Tysrian 1 week ago
@Tysrian You must be intentionally ignorant.
You asked what gives "highly evolved rocks" their value, so I asked what gives currency its value. (I did this so you could perhaps take a hint. I believe the same thing gives value to both.)
57worldwide 1 week ago
@57worldwide OK. Money gets it value from people assigning value to it. Money is an accepted substitute for material possession that is what makes it value. I do not understand on what basis or foundation atheists would create morals for human beings. Money has value but no one is fighting against 'money rights violations' or 'crimes against money'.
Tysrian 1 week ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@Tysrian So your inability to understand something means it can't possibly happen?
Money only has value when we agree it has value. Just like some humans have agreed that slavery is bad and that humans have rights.
You have to ask yourself - why wouldn't atheists "create morals for human beings"?
57worldwide 1 week ago
@Tysrian the problem starts when money is assigned a value by a central bank, not by any physical object. This is a problem because it erradicates the purpose of money in the first place, to be a paper representation of something that is used to trade for goods and services. Without exception this leads to inflation, which in turn leads to devaluation of the currency, the increase of prices on imported goods (basically everything these days), and with corruption in the right places: poverty.
chxitout 1 week ago
@Tysrian keep in mind that paper money for as long as it has existed up until the 1930's (i may be off a decade) was only a piece of paper that represented it's equal value in gold. It was meant as a practical alternative to carrying 20lb of gold everywhere you went to pay for things. Today, the only thing that gives money value is how much money is in the system. this is called "Fiat currency".
chxitout 1 week ago
@Tysrian
Implicit in your idea that atheists have no basis for humanity is the idea that morality is not something internal and must be dictated by an outside force.
Obedience to power is not morality; it is the mark of a sycophant.
Silkeyn 5 days ago
@Silkeyn If you believe that humans are overdeveloped rocks why would we even need morals? Wouldn't that be in contradiction with the 'scientific facts' that we dont really have any inherent value. We are just a convenient coincidence, a product of chance, nothing special. Why would you abandon 'scientific truth' just because you have a chemical reaction telling you that human life is valuable. Atheists are harmless now but God forbid that they actually start believing their theories.
Tysrian 5 days ago
@Tysrian
Morals come from logical consistency, and the need to coexist with each other.
True morals have something important at the core of them: universality. In other words, consistency; since humans are not fundamentally different from each other, the same moral rules apply to everyone the same.
However, this is not a small topic to discuss, so if you want to continue it, we will have to move to a different medium (I hate youtube's comment system). Email, perhaps? I won't bite you.
Silkeyn 5 days ago
@Silkeyn Sure, send me your adress
Tysrian 3 days ago
Watched this at school...LOL!
AirsoftNDirtbikes 1 month ago
0:34-0:40
Is it just me or is that school footage definitely from the 90's?
bruins3315 1 month ago
@signnocto DONT EVEN TRY!!! WERE TAKING BACK THE WHITE HOUSE!
orrgla 1 month ago
@signnocto YOU CANT STOP THE FURY OF THE REPUBLICAN AND TEA PARTY!! DONT
orrgla 1 month ago
After reading this comment thread I wish Obama had pressed the red button.
HEN000y 1 month ago 28
I wanna push the small red button, to satisfy my curiosity...
Warrior7662 1 month ago
@juggasteveo YOU FOREIGN CANADIAN TERRORIST!!!! YOURE ANTI MILITARY!! DEMOCRACY IS TRUTH!! SPREAD THE TRUTH!! GINGRICH 2012!!! NEWT! NEWT!NEWT! NEWQT!!1!!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla Uh, yeah, sure. Considering we're the US's closest military partner and part of NATO, you're retarded. And a troll.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 IM DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION, YOU COMMIE! GET BACK TO RUSSIA
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla Go back to sucking Bush's dick and touching yourself, then.
Max17766 1 month ago
@orrgla please stop
signnocto 1 month ago
@orrgla YEs once we get tired tired of him all we have to do is pretend to be uglier older and sick and he will leave us for a younger nation...perhaps south sudan?The guy actually thinks he is moral and a christian...people that moraly bankrupt enough to cheat 3 times go straight to hell in christianity and so will our nation if we elect that pillsbury dough boy douche...RON PAUL 2012....also your trolling and being funny
finka123456 1 month ago
@finka123456 hell doesn't exist though
bigbeeftomatoes 3 weeks ago 2
@bigbeeftomatoes Yeah i know atheist for life but if someone claims they believe in so called higher morals like marriage between man and woman and what not and then they are a hypocrite about it can fuck off to his or her hell.....he is obviously a sociopath
finka123456 3 weeks ago
@Max17766 yeah, shits fucked up right now over here, make no mistake. here's an american who agrees with you, the only reason we're in such shit is because congress blocks obamas every move! they wont let him budge to do anything, and then the right wing comes swooping in about how this mess is his fault. congress grins and agrees, while their pockets get bigger and bigger from these right wing lobbyists. idk if i made sense, but point is its a never ending self-destructive cycle
celloguy23 1 month ago
what the FUCK is rong with this fucking country! we have a sick violent terrorist president, AND WE CANT EVEN GET THE BUGET RIGHT THEY WERE GONNA TAKE ALL THAT MONEY AWAY FROM THE MILITARY! LIBTARDS!!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla I think you may be dumb.
finka123456 1 month ago
@finka123456 I CAN SPEAK PERFECTLY FINE, I KNOW IM NOT DUMB, MAYBE YOU'RE DEAF AND BLINMD!!!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla Good. Less military money, the better. Conservotard.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 FUCK YOU I KNOW PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY!!! MY SON!! FUCK YOU!!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla I don't give a shit, you government is ineffective as hell. But, go ahead, keep deregulating and slamming Obama. God forbid a guy helps his citizens and gives the rich the middle finger!
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 SEE YOUR NOT EVEN AMERICAN YOU STUPID FOREIGNER WE NEED NEWT! WE NEED NEWT!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla I know I'm not, I'd be too ashamed of my nationality if I was. Your country has been fucked since Reagan, but yet, you seem to have the morbid curiosity to continually elect people who WANT only good for corporations, they don't give a fuck about you.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 HOW DARE YOU SPEAK AGAINST AMERICA YOU HIPPE HOW DARE YOU. AND FYI THE SUPREME COURT JUST DECIDED THAT CORPORATIONS HAVE 1ST AMENDMENT RIGHTS SO GUS WHAT THEY ARE PEOPLE LIBTARD
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla I prefer to be called a "democratic socialist", not a hippie*. Also, corporations are NOT people. They're profit making legal entities, supreme court ruling or not.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 OH SO YOUR A SOCIALIST!!!!
SOCIALIST!!
SOCIALIST!!
DEMOCRACY AND CAPITALISM IS THE ONLY WAY THAT A COUNTRY CAN FLOURISH!!!
JUST LOOK AT THE ROMAN REPUBLIC!!
ROME WAS AN CEMOCRACY AND THEY WERE THE BIGGEST EMPIRE EVER
orrgla 1 month ago
And they fell, hard. I support in a form of socialism that still believes in a mixed-market economy.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 OKAY YOUR JUST USING FANCY WORDS AND STUFF, SHOWS YOUR JUST A LIBERAL ACADEMIC
MAKING MY HEAD HURT, CANT DEAL WITH IT.
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla I'd rather be an educated liberal than a blue-collar conservative.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 ID RATHER BE IGNORANT THAN BE A SOCIALIST!!!
orrgla 1 month ago
@orrgla WAS THE BIGGEST THEN THEY FAILED DUE TO THERE OVERWHELMING HUNGER FOR WAR AND THE MILITARY...THEY PUT ALL THERE MONEY IN THE WAR MACHINE,AND IN THE PROCESS LOST THERE SENSE OF DEMOCRATIC STATUS....THE SAME WILL BE FOR THIS COUNTRY IF WE DONT TAKE UP A DIFFERENT FOREIGN POLICY....WAR IS NEVER A WAY TO HAVE DEMOCRACY
juggasteveo 1 month ago
@Max17766 i think we may have a troll on our hands here...
celloguy23 1 month ago
@celloguy23 I'm just fired up after watching "Capitalism: A Love Story". Also, that guy is a moron.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 and btw, trolls typically exaggerate the stupidity of people they disagree with, he may be smarter than you think
celloguy23 1 month ago
@celloguy23 True. Although he REALLY likes that shiny caps lock key.
Max17766 1 month ago
@Max17766 dude, he's a troll, he goes on every damn onion video and posts shit like this
palipride47 1 month ago
@palipride47 Yeah, I saw him pointlessly raging on other videos, at first I thought he was retarded, but now I know he's a shitty troll.
Max17766 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
Aaha, so true man. So true.
GodOfTheInternets 1 month ago
1:47 FTW!
metajonn 1 month ago
If Obama was a bad president, Herbert Hoover was a worse president.....
TheHm3 1 month ago
@TheHm3 Hoover was a great humanitarian and civil servant... up until about the time he got elected. Then he started sucking. Putting MacArthur in charge of handling the bonus marches? It's like asking a fox to make sure your baby chickens don't run off.
Piogre314 1 month ago
@sanmanx12we Yes,everyone who says anything bad about a government official should be killed. Also, Carl Marx should be declared a saint.
Eliterule213 1 month ago
"Insert quote from the video to fuck it up for the rest"
shit4brains222 1 month ago
@sanmanx12we that's satire. And really who the hell signs their comments not only with their first and last name but also their former job. Are you serious. This piece of information will be available on a server for the rest of time. Smart one.
TheRealBibwitHarte 2 months ago
"Legislator say schools 'the last place' they wanted to see money go"
Yeah, obviously
T_T
thorium222 2 months ago
@sanmanx12we 0/10
Obama is a fuck anyway
fr0nage 2 months ago
@sanmanx12we
So true. If only people would just refrain from cracking jokes or being otherwise critical of those in power then our world would be a much better place. [Satire]
himjl2 2 months ago
@sanmanx12we: and not have all the people who believe it is real news and make comments about it? F no!
Cormalek 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
Aaha, so true man. So true.
Boneboy552 2 months ago
Gotta love it when 1 top comment is quoting another top comment that is commenting about previous top comments!
s10dlka 2 months ago
haha the nascar thing was pretty funny^^
Howler54 2 months ago
Lol about the satellite one, I swear at my phone too, expecting a satellite to frantically get a signal to me.
rammice 3 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
The life of a conspiracy theorist: ItWasTyped. com
culturebully3 3 months ago
You know, I'm also kind of curious to see what would happen if humanity were to be completely obliterated.
DaGavinX 3 months ago
@DaGavinX Just look outside your window. It's already happened.
dantesinfernal0 3 months ago
LOL" desperate School supplies" , soo true.
Orderofthesword 3 months ago
I'm sure everyone would have pressed that red button just to see what would happen.
Shroud66 3 months ago
lol
dwyImike 4 months ago
what a liberal pussy... ...and you want this coward as your president...??? ...abysmal...
TheYouwontgetit 4 months ago
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
Dude, me too!
SlobbyHill 4 months ago 12
i would so push the button the very first day in the office...!
TheYouwontgetit 4 months ago
That's all the news the Freemasons want you to know this week.... HA!
Manadox97 4 months ago 38
I love the photo of the guy who doesn't need a computer. He looks happy with his computer
CaptainKrys 5 months ago
Hahaha, the non-computer is just a box. XD
TheVampireLucinda 5 months ago
The schools joke was fail. America spends a shit load of taxpayer money on schools but union bureaucracy keeps them shitty. A lot of it just gets funneled directly to big unions.
Soothfish 5 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
DemiGod251 5 months ago
lol damn those freemasons.
robin22391 5 months ago
i like the regular guys voice better
TENNSUMITSUMA 6 months ago
OBAMA OBAMA
stonethugmusic 6 months ago
That's the first time I've seen "the button" which launches the nuclear arsenal.
He has to be careful when he buzzes-in a guest to the White House or puts his phone on speaker.
charlesvan13 6 months ago
The Onion, one of the few sources of real comedy in this country.
repsesper 6 months ago
@repsesper I think you mean "of real news."
I watch Fox News for my comedy.
GmMkr 6 months ago
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
almabatard 6 months ago 5
Schools are overfunded
supersmashbros011 6 months ago
The NASCAR bit was the funniest part. LOL
cryptosquid 6 months ago
"Accidentally sending parts of the defense budget towards schools helping foster academic excellence" that ones obviously fake, American politicians would never make that mistake.... O_O
superdruid999 6 months ago 4
339 US Politician saw this
Ograws 6 months ago 6
"Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote"
Aaha, so true man. So true.
yackon4game 6 months ago 24
hahaha a man with no friends tells it like it is haha
0justcause 7 months ago
Hes so right about NASCAR and the those basketball players in suits
Pielord09 7 months ago
Push it O.o
TheCoconutCookie 7 months ago
some parts of this video make allot of sense lol
MrSleepylk 7 months ago
Accidentally sending parts of the defense budget towards schools helping foster academic excellence, this was a grave error.
Smann54 7 months ago
"That's all the freemasons want you to know this week." lol
davitodude 7 months ago
just push the damn button u pussy.
PR0T0P0WER 7 months ago 2
1:47 well that's true at least
Genevill 9 months ago
lmfao "thats all the new the free masons want you to know this week"
Troy2092 9 months ago
You guys don't seem to realize that this is really just an advertisement for their web site. That's why they don't spend to long on any one joke. These are just some of the articles that were posted in the last week. They want you to visit the onion for the full article so the can get money from the banner ads on their site. They don't get money from YouTube.
Skulblaka377 9 months ago
@Skulblaka377 I disagree. While they may advertise their website at the end of the video, it doesn't mean that their YouTube channel is purely advertisement, otherwise they wouldn't have thought up about 380 videos just to get people to watch until the end where they say "Please visit our website". Also, when you said "That's why they don't spend too long on anyone joke" is also false. They don't spend much time on one joke because they make skits.
icantfindaacc 8 months ago 2
i disagree with with captstormwind. onionnews has made 100's of vids, so why not start another way of telling it? especially for the general youtube audience who seem to have the attention span of a 3 yr old and can hardly watch anything more the 2 minutes long anyway. besides, news productions do this kind of update thing too. so stfu, stormwind. your whole existence is a "total pill"
TheWeskJago 9 months ago 2
I think this guy's videos are stepping up to the plate. The past ones weren't cool at all, but this is great.
joker52mlb 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
PluripotentBrain 9 months ago
that part about the school budget probably hit right on the money
spiffyJ498 9 months ago
say what you will about this guy, but that tid bit on education was genius
nukepwetty 9 months ago
oh onion, how could you... crappy liberal propaganda , FU onion
Voy2378 9 months ago
"That's all the Free Masons want you to know this week"
hahahahaha, only part of the vid that made me crak up :D
14DEADSOUL 9 months ago 149
@14DEADSOUL ewige blumenkraft und ewige schlangenkraft!!!!!!
Chucktanium 7 months ago
@14DEADSOUL I'm really not liking this guy who's talking, he sounds depressing.
pat5168 4 months ago
@pat5168 This guy indeed blows. They should hit him over the head with the shovel they used to dig a shallow pit--not that I don't like him, or anything.
EvilsOfFeminism 3 months ago
@14DEADSOUL IT'S FUUNY 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!
JonathanHallShow 2 months ago
@14DEADSOUL yeah, I would have cracked up to if you didn't fucking comment that -.-
shit4brains222 1 month ago
@shit4brains222 too*
shit4brains222 1 month ago
@shit4brains222 hahaha sorry, never expected it to be the top comment, just make sure to watch the vids before reading the comments, I had the same problem.
14DEADSOUL 1 month ago
HAA HaaHa ha hee hee. Hmm. I love this.
provanost 9 months ago
a man with no friends tells it like it is :P
CoreAmbient 9 months ago
this is the least crappy of the new onion clips. still not as good as the old stuff.
Ecosse57 9 months ago
Is there really a red button in the oval office that does that?
crazywanch101 9 months ago
I think it's pretty great as is. It's just video commentary added along with their headlines they always have at the bottom fleshed out a bit more. And you have to admit, the footage of Obama staring at that button and rubbing his forehead is hilarious.
niperwiper 9 months ago
Comment removed
bong17894 9 months ago
Comment removed
bong17894 9 months ago
Gotta love when the top 2 comments aren't the same quote
MikaShelley99 9 months ago 3
As soon as I hear this guys voice I skip to the next vid now. None of the other ones with him were funny, theres no reason to think this will be. I hope The Onion returns to form soon, the past 2 months have been less than great.
DogWed 9 months ago
all the news the free masons want you to know this week. awesome
348joey 9 months ago 4
Hah, pretty fucking funny!
ENJager 9 months ago
Wow that's amazing how Obama is so stupid to even think about pressing a button that shouldn't even be there. That's very unprofessional and all this is not news worthy and yes I know it's fake just messing with everyone.
bananaphone1987 9 months ago
something's different...
ShamrocksGetYouHigh 9 months ago 3
I love this format, it's like a list of jokes with visual aid. :D
Sebytro 9 months ago
Yes I agree this seems to be a different format then what we are used to. Its okay but not as good. That HP Non-computer is the bomb though!! haha
JasnoGT 9 months ago
give the interns something else to do...
peejmanabat 9 months ago
give the interns something else to do...
peejmanabat 9 months ago
comment about how a comment quoting a line in the video gets the most thumbs
HowDoesITube 9 months ago
What happened.... these videos are so low for The Onion
NickVocal 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
sketchybananas 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
Jamonkatrunk 9 months ago
In other news, a new use for the portable solar fire ray device was found: Scientists say that it can also be used to see objects larger and more detailed.
artman40 9 months ago
LOL Why is the button red anyway? Why not make it doodoo brown so no one want to touch unless they absolutely have too?
unspokenrespect 9 months ago
That was actually funnier than the other onion shows lately...
omahabeach05 9 months ago
Goddammit Obama, I didn't vote for this guy so he could NOT destroy the human race.
Remind me to vote Republican next time. They're actually crazy to hold on to their end of the bargain.
ZKoftherebellion 9 months ago
"And now a video recap of the weeks news for the quasi-literate" :D
Delosian 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
this one was ...ok..
Cammie010 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
NOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYNOTFUNNYLAME
RiseOfTheNerd 9 months ago
@RiseOfTheNerd
he mad.jpg
cheeseonamonkey 9 months ago
@RiseOfTheNerd no, it's funny. it is. and anybody who thinks it's funny probably doesn't care at all that you don't. this shit is hilarious to those of us that understand it...
omerta8811 9 months ago
Most dull voice ever. I fell asleep even after giving myself an adrenaline injection.
i0npath 9 months ago
@i0npath Do you often just randomly keep needles full of adrenaline around jjusssttt in case u watch a boring video?
Fibonacci1334 9 months ago
it's stupid how the top rated comments are of the same thing with the SAME WRONG SPELLING. get an education retards
VelaToNorma7 9 months ago
"That's all the news the freemasons want you to know this week."
Genius. Notice how he neutrally says everything, it is a perfect combination with this sentence.
NavadeHo 9 months ago
Comment removed
NavadeHo 9 months ago
"And now a video recap for the quasi literate."
AND
"That's all the news the Freemasons want you to know this week."
LMFAO! I just have to show the school fund error part to my professors. LOL
johnyjoe2k 9 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
The Onion isn't even funny anymore.
wafflecushioned 9 months ago
I had to look at @Deadlywaterboys and @TheRandomeses comments so I could see what @headsetphobia was talking about so I could see what @TommyBShow is talking about...
SlipAllCityToy 9 months ago 2
Dont do it Barack dont do it !
donfranco1233 9 months ago
this one video is better than the previous ones
MrSubzero98 9 months ago
sometimes i cant help but wonder if the onion news s completely fake or if most of it is real. because everything in this video seems true
chris978820 9 months ago
Freemasons, meaning Jews?
renumeratedfrog 9 months ago
@renumeratedfrog are you serious? no.
WhackCheese 9 months ago
@renumeratedfrog meaning Illuminati :O Dun dun dun!
extrapreneur 9 months ago
Gotta love when the top 2 comments are the same quote
Headsetphobias 9 months ago 41