Well, this most certainly is NOT a pro review (as the guy himself is a parody of a professional reviewer), but as far as joke reviews goes, this is probably a good one (Yahtzee's are the best)!
Now, Ketsui DS started as a full port of the game: when they realized the screen was too small, they canned it and just added the bosses; bullets' hitboxes = denser patterns = good visual result
ROM hacking and some knowledge of game design are great, when you are a PRO reviewer xD
I nearly spent £40 buying this for the DS, you just saved me money, great review. I will stick with my Gradius V addiction and quite enjoying Nanostray 2 on the DS the momentt, it works for me. My only claim to glory is finishig viewpoint on the Neo Geo when it first came out many years ago, could do 4 levels without dying, still no mean feat compared to some guys skills.... cheers!
Um, most Cave games, and even most bullet hell games have tiny ship hitboxes dodging tiny bullet hitboxes. I'm surprised you can play them quite well without knowing that.
@xoxak I know you pointed out that this game has them, but they virtually all do, and it looks like you've played your fair share of them. I just thought it was a strange thing to complain about in a game like this.
@capnpayne Let me lend you some binoculars so you can see the point you just missed: Complaining about small hitboxes in a bullet hell game is like complaining about numbers in an RPG or guys shooting at you in an FPS.
no i'm just some random game player who watched a few of your videos and was absolutely stunned,i thought it was a parody at first but it seem's that's the real you.amazing! ahuk ahuk!
Just because you probably have no real life and can spend hours and hours playing shmups and being good at 1 thing don't piss all over it for the rest of us,cave is the best thing to happen to videogames for years and anyway if you attempt to do pro reviews you could at least make the effort to sound like you have a pulse,you sound too stupid to turn a console on.maybe they all sound like you on your igloo campsite in alska but the rest of the world thinks wtf? you do "pro" bitching that's it.
@quicksilvver um your about 3 months too late to the party dickhead,i did not realise i signed up to his fanboy mailing list so get your nose back up his bumhole and dont write me again you cancer ridden piece of incestuous hillbilly white trash cock sucker,fuck off and die and don't you dare reply you peadophile cunt
@neontetra1000 I realize that being a piece of shit shmup player can really do mental damage to some of you less fortunate people, but please keep the profanity to a minimum. You've already embarassed yourself in many ways and quite honestly I'm starting to feel sorry for you. Maybe you should call the kids help line or something.
Yeah boss milking is fucking lame. You basically have to continuously mash the lockshot in order to get a high score - killing bosses is detrimental to your score, you're better off just milking them - and you need to bomb when there's a bunch of bullets on the screen.
As a Ketsui PCB owner, I'm really disappointed with the DS version. It doesn't even have the 50-1 scoring thing for the part of the DS version which is actually a stage.
It's probably too late, but IMO, you should wait until the game is out-of-print, then sell it and the superplay DVD separately. 2-3x profit, I fucking guarantee you.
I really enjoy the fact that you used music from DDPD in this. XD
TeinCave 1 year ago
Well, this most certainly is NOT a pro review (as the guy himself is a parody of a professional reviewer), but as far as joke reviews goes, this is probably a good one (Yahtzee's are the best)!
Now, Ketsui DS started as a full port of the game: when they realized the screen was too small, they canned it and just added the bosses; bullets' hitboxes = denser patterns = good visual result
ROM hacking and some knowledge of game design are great, when you are a PRO reviewer xD
Evrain64 1 year ago
@Evrain64
What does rom hacking have to do with playing a game?
xoxak 1 year ago 9
could you review any touhou game?
Bananamatic 1 year ago
@Bananamatic
It would require playing one.
xoxak 1 year ago 15
@xoxak I seriously want to see what you would have to say about a Touhou game.
KlLLAH573 4 months ago
I nearly spent £40 buying this for the DS, you just saved me money, great review. I will stick with my Gradius V addiction and quite enjoying Nanostray 2 on the DS the momentt, it works for me. My only claim to glory is finishig viewpoint on the Neo Geo when it first came out many years ago, could do 4 levels without dying, still no mean feat compared to some guys skills.... cheers!
olderloverxx 1 year ago
Man, I wish you'd make more of these! You're so funny...
hatchedarea 1 year ago
Let me fill these jugs with boss milk! LOL, you are the best!
JedahGR07 1 year ago
Um, most Cave games, and even most bullet hell games have tiny ship hitboxes dodging tiny bullet hitboxes. I'm surprised you can play them quite well without knowing that.
dojomojomofo 1 year ago
@dojomojomofo
I literally pointed this out in the review.
xoxak 1 year ago
@xoxak I know you pointed out that this game has them, but they virtually all do, and it looks like you've played your fair share of them. I just thought it was a strange thing to complain about in a game like this.
dojomojomofo 1 year ago
@dojomojomofo lol yeah xoxak doesn't know that bullet hell games have small hitboxes you unbelievable tard
capnpayne 1 year ago
@capnpayne Let me lend you some binoculars so you can see the point you just missed: Complaining about small hitboxes in a bullet hell game is like complaining about numbers in an RPG or guys shooting at you in an FPS.
dojomojomofo 1 year ago
@dojomojomofo
Tiny hitboxes for ships are ok. Doing the same for bullets is unnecessary and retarded.
xoxak 1 year ago 3
@xoxak cave has done that for a while anyway but i guess it's probably extra bad in this game as a concession to the screen and controls
capnpayne 1 year ago
no i'm just some random game player who watched a few of your videos and was absolutely stunned,i thought it was a parody at first but it seem's that's the real you.amazing! ahuk ahuk!
neontetra1000 1 year ago
Just because you probably have no real life and can spend hours and hours playing shmups and being good at 1 thing don't piss all over it for the rest of us,cave is the best thing to happen to videogames for years and anyway if you attempt to do pro reviews you could at least make the effort to sound like you have a pulse,you sound too stupid to turn a console on.maybe they all sound like you on your igloo campsite in alska but the rest of the world thinks wtf? you do "pro" bitching that's it.
neontetra1000 1 year ago
@neontetra1000
lol. are you some bitter tard from shmups.??
xoxak 1 year ago
@neontetra1000 Just because you're a piece of shit and suck at Shmups doesn't mean you can insult him. You're just a jealous bigot you tard.
quicksilvver 1 year ago
@quicksilvver um your about 3 months too late to the party dickhead,i did not realise i signed up to his fanboy mailing list so get your nose back up his bumhole and dont write me again you cancer ridden piece of incestuous hillbilly white trash cock sucker,fuck off and die and don't you dare reply you peadophile cunt
neontetra1000 1 year ago
@neontetra1000 I realize that being a piece of shit shmup player can really do mental damage to some of you less fortunate people, but please keep the profanity to a minimum. You've already embarassed yourself in many ways and quite honestly I'm starting to feel sorry for you. Maybe you should call the kids help line or something.
quicksilvver 1 year ago
"Boss milking boy oh boy"
"let me fill up all these jugs with boss milk"
Where do you get this stuff.lol
jimmenaman 2 years ago 4
I'm not sure if he likes Takumi, except for Mars Matrix.
alastairjohnjack 2 years ago
cave better than treasure? :(
Ehal256 2 years ago
wtf r u saying? seriously i cant here shit the way your talking
FunnyVidMachine 2 years ago
I can't read shit the way you type.
xoxak 2 years ago
lol
jimmenaman 2 years ago
i cant see jack sh*t cause of my own bullets.. this s*cks...
dylstew 2 years ago
I give you my "Total Gangster of the Month" award.
goldenrhinogrey 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
you let the game looks like a jokeXD lmao
SusakeKes 2 years ago
Apparently, Ketsui mobile's scoring is closer to arcade scoring: watch?v=qZmXFBtKyRo
gs68 3 years ago
Yeah boss milking is fucking lame. You basically have to continuously mash the lockshot in order to get a high score - killing bosses is detrimental to your score, you're better off just milking them - and you need to bomb when there's a bunch of bullets on the screen.
As a Ketsui PCB owner, I'm really disappointed with the DS version. It doesn't even have the 50-1 scoring thing for the part of the DS version which is actually a stage.
Vespene 3 years ago 4
This has been flagged as spam show
uh...jeff foxworthy???
vickersfan 3 years ago
uh...no
xoxak 3 years ago
you're an animal dude
Milkyiscolossal 3 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
review tohou
DeepSeaSeamus 3 years ago
It's probably too late, but IMO, you should wait until the game is out-of-print, then sell it and the superplay DVD separately. 2-3x profit, I fucking guarantee you.
zweihand 3 years ago 6
cat suey
gs68 3 years ago 34
Nice review. If Cave is better than Treasure by a million times, how many more times better is Takumi over Cave?
Pocketmobsters 3 years ago
Your reviews are excellent. I gotta say, your accent makes it even better. You got a new subscriber.
OpenHoles 3 years ago 3
Great idea: Review Nanostray next then say it's better than Ketsui to generate a funny reaction.
SSJ3JackBauer 3 years ago
No.
xoxak 3 years ago
gene
twiddlev1 3 years ago 2
Cave > all.
But this game are ugh...
Indyshooter 3 years ago
Hah, excellent.
hermanNoodlearms 3 years ago
amazing joke at 4:04
this made my day
hermanNoodlearms 3 years ago
LOL U REVIEWS R COOL HAHHAHAHAH
tavogp 3 years ago
Please don't laugh at my serious reviews.
xoxak 3 years ago