How to Play 'Defenders of Marriage' by Roy Zimmerman

[treehugger99999]

Imma transpose this bitch into piano.

[b4baby]

also, wow! i didn't realize this was written in the mid-late 90s!

[b4baby]

i fall in love with you every time you play this. :)

[szrgirl]

"He's on his third wife..."

I don't know what my belly laugh muscles would do without you, Roy!

[empbac]

I love these how-to-play videos. Keep 'em coming!

[TousVous]

He is so sexeh. Meow. Is it weird that I think that? It's weird...

Oh well I'll try to do this song!

[cuntstitchedshut]

Hi. Do you think it would be possible to tell us which notes you hit to make those chords for those of us who'd like to try your challenge but don't play a guitar?

[rlrsk8r1]

Here's what you do: Go to Wikipedia, and search for "guitar." Most of the way down there's a grid pattern of which notes are where on the fretboard. Match what Roy does to that grid, and you've got it.

[ThirteenthMuse]

Loved this song from the first moment I heard it. Just discovered the "post a response" challenge and will see if I can get my webcam working, and if so then I will ROCK this little tune back to ya, Roy!

[semiliteratedgod]

unfortunately still actual stuff...

[ArrowDynamicsX]

I just picked up a guitar, never played before in my life...I got the first 2 chords down, so I can play the basic part, very slowly, and that's about it. I will learn eventually!

[ElGordoTube]

Dear Roy,

I just want to let you know that the reason there are zero video responses so far is NOT, I repeat, NOT because we don't massively support your point of view. It is because you're an awesome musician, and it's simply impossible for any of us to present anything even remotely close in quality to what you've already done.

I know I'm very late in finding this challenge of yours, but I'll work on learning the song. It'll probably take months, though!

Thanks, and best wishes!

EGT

d;^>

[eustazio]

agreed, i want to do it but it will take me time, no doubt

[Lookb4youflush]

I have to agree with ElGordoTube. This is extremely dynamic. I can't wait to play it for my strict conservative father who likes to pick one thing out of the Bible to use as an argument against same sex marriage just because he has a phobia.

[Jowind]

@ElGordoTube

There are zero video responses to this video because he says to post the cover on the "Defenders of Marriage" video. That video (as of this post) has fifteen video responses.

[ThirteenthMuse]

Sixteen now. Finally managed to get one up there myself. :)

And hey, it's not about trying to match the consummate skill of the original; it's about creatively making a statement and showing support for an important cause. Right?

So, c'mon, everybody... whaddaya got??

I'm waiting to hear a harpsichord arrangement, with maybe some krumhorns. Or how about a jug-band version? Dixieland banjo? Any theremin players out there? Kazoo? Can you whistle it? Who can play it on a touch-tone phone?

[CharellWyatt]

Hooray! Now my friends can get married and have their insurance carried and be beneficiaried and be next to the ones they love when they are buried!

[Ehdral]

Newt, asshole or most brilliant satirist of our time...Roy, I think that's your funniest joke.

Hillarious

[thefakeyeti]

I just got a guitar..

I know next to nothing about it..

But a co worker tuned it for me.

Just randomly strumming on it is fun!

And I would love to know this song.. but your instructions are going slightly above my head..

[indydm011]

I've been playing for quite some time now but these chords are a little out there...for example, what the hell is an E7 flat nine flat 13? That would be a doozy to write on the staff. Yuck.

[keenthesaurus]

I'm so going to do this.

[ZachValkyrie]

Great Job; but sorry, I play Bass Guitar, and very poorly at that (I started it only a month ago.) I'll try to do what I can, but I can't promise anything...

[njsykora]

I'm learning guitar right now and before the end of January I want to be able to play this song. Its my main focus right now.

[papacarpenter]

Your work is very impressive and inspiring. One of the things I like best is the way you combine joy & fun with the work, discipline, and precision of your art. The spirit of the Smothers Brothers lives on! Keep up the great work, and, as you become more of a commercial success, don't let them make you take yourself too seriously; a happy professional is a rare breed.

[kilometriko87]

if i only knew how to play a guitar, or any other instrument for that matter.

[melman]

I will be posting my own version shortly. You inspire me sir.

[BayerLexan]

I like your videos, but williams Sleds I find boring. A good gay on youtube is WhatTheBuck, it's freaking hilarious.

[samuelshepard]

hey roy, what about some lyrics???

[kaburto1966]

To Samuelshepard and anyone else wanting lyrics... You can find them on Mr. Zimmerman's site... Just follow the link.

[abugalupower]

Thanks for the lesson!

[blue4life316]

Fucking brilliant. I hope you keep so perky.

[TheOriginalMadeDCMA]

It was just 2 hours before i watched this tab video, that i was arguing with my dad who's a hardcore christian, and i was defending gay marriage, and he said the exact words "What next? Polygamy? Beastiality?" So when i saw this i was stunned and laughed my arse off, good stuff :D

[WickedQueen314]

Roy for Predident. Since I know you're prolly gonna see this so you are my hero!

[splf]

Roy for president!!!!!!!

[BobbyLeoj]

I was thinkin the same thing splf!

[Mithcoriel]

Roy Zimmerman, your songs are really cool. ^^ Glad you're speaking up like this. And it's great you're even making these instruction videos. I watch em even though I don't play the guitar -- though I'm beginning to wish I did.

Last but not least, your vids attract nice hate comments that are entertaining to read. **takes out popcorn**

[KDANTEATER]

Roy for president!

[Zaning]

This video is much easier to understand than your creation science 101 video.

[piethief]

I don't comment often, but I'd just like to tell you how much I appreciate the way you try and get your message across. Peace

[stowe2546]

I thought you went capo 2... and played in A... I could be wrong

[shmore]

My guitar hero

[LeeLeeOne]

Mr. Zimmerman, please keep singing! Please keep teaching! EVERYTHING you do is amazing! I wish I would have had you as my music teacher and humanities teacher!

[lysandra74]

I hate to go on (actually I quite enjoy it) but I think this is the kind of thinking that perpetuates homophobia. our "equipment" is not "meant for anything" unless you think we have a duty to our genes to fuck in such a way that we maximise our chance of reproduction. Surely - according to your logic - if there is something "wrong" with the way gay people are wired up (maybe there is) we should abstain from heterosexual sex to ensure that we do not pass our faulty genes on!

[kingrainbay]

Lysandra, I wasn't speaking morally, I was speaking physically. The uh, "equiptment" is not meant to function in that way.

And on the topic of the song, I noticed no one has posted a video response with them playing. I would, but alas, I can only play the violin.

[quirkymusicfan]

kingrainbay wrote:

"And on the topic of the song, I noticed no one has posted a video response with them playing."

The video responses are posted to Roy's video of "Defenders of Marriage" (not this "How to Play Defenders of Marriage" video. (Someone did a cool cover on uke!)

[ManlyBannister]

So you're opposed to oral sex too then? And masturbation?

[Tesselator]

Thanks for the lesson and nice message! I love your songs bro!!!!

Kind of Arlo Guthery meets Randy Newman with a smidgen of Bobby D. O :-)

[mikeyinqc]

bravo my friend! make em think, while they are laughing!

[KobyBrandt]

Catchy!

[lysandra74]

I'm interested to know what "biological reasons", kingrainbay. A fellow (gay) atheist.

[kingrainbay]

I'll try to explain lysandra74. Well, it's not that complex. Looking at it from the biological perspective, men and women are not physical meant to engage in sexual relationships with the same gender. There is something incorrect in the inner workings of the brain, by my reasoning. Just my views.

[lysandra74]

to say people of the same sex "are not meant to engage in sexual relationships" sounds like a moral statement. Do you mean it to be? I don't think this moral position follows from the fact that people of the same sex cannot reproduce.

similarly if there is "something incorrect in the inner workings" of the brains of gay people, why does this make gay relationships morally wrong?

[Tesselator]

My personal views are more like same and different sex marriges are fine. It's the people that are crazed with lust and wanna hump anythingthing that moves ALL THE TIME that is disgusting and wrong. I think gays get handed that jacket falsely all too often. There's just as many hetero's out there doing that.

[Fairlight2cx]

I love your actual satire. However, you're much more effective, engaging, and getting people to think via satire than by flat-out proseletysing, no matter how you disguise it as "instruction". Looking forward to more good satire, less bare, tired rhetoric.

[jeffdalon]

I don't hear much prostletysing. He makes strong statements and turns them into a joke. Sounds more like Jon Stewart than tired rhetoric to me. I laughed quite a few times. I wonder if you just have a problem with his message, Fairlight.

[Fairlight2cx]

No, I -got- the message the first time, in satire that was relatively subtle by comparison. In this video in particular, moreso than the first two "instructional" ones, it's like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer. We got it the first time...anything else is redundant. It's called treating your audience with respect for their intelligence--something that Star Trek could never manage, for example. 10min of Picard preaching why something is "wrong". Same thing.

[Guess10000]

you're just not as accepting and open minded as you might think. there isn't a difference in those two things you mentioned. how are you treating people equally and decently when they have second class citizen rights?

[Fairlight2cx]

Actually, I would add that there's a difference between being for treating people decently and equally, and being pro-gay and ramming that down people's throats as a special interest. Roy is bordering on that in this one, which I didn't appreciate. There's a distinct difference between the two stances.

[Guess10000]

it's not roy's fault that the people he's satirizing are so good at being hypocrites.

and i've never actually seen this mysterious thing called gay special interests. i'm pretty sure they just want the same rights as everyone else has. as roy aptly put it, it's the same argument used against inter-racial relationships back in the day.

[ManlyBannister]

You feel like something's being rammed down your throat if gays get equal rights? Interesting choice of words.

Fairlight, I think you misunderstand the agenda. Nothing gay will be rammed down your throat, unless you want it to be.

[phaedress]

Roy, this is a great video and a mighty fine cause. If I weren't tone-mute I would be posting a response...all the best!

[Rasengan1122]

(P.S.) He is an ass hole.

[Rasengan1122]

I loved this song! I'll try as hard as I can to play it well...

[johnnyonline]

your "how to" is easily as amusing as the actual song :)

[aliceofkansas]

you're wonderful.

there, i said it, and i feel better for having said it.

[Betterdays330]

Love to learn it and play as a response Roy....but looks too challenging for me!

[darrenzieger]

The tabs are up :) There are links on the front page of Roy's Web site, or you can go to royzimmerman dot com slash images slash def_tab_1 dot jpg (page 1) and royzimmerman dot com slash images slash def_tab_2 dot jpg (page 2)

Enjoy.

[RoyZimmerman]

dear darrenzieger --

A thousand thanks!

[darrenzieger]

Hi there -- Roy's humble Webmaster here...I've been swamped, but I promise that those tabs will go up tonight!

But, Roy -- In your how-to, you neglected to include the really tricky part of the song: the bridge, which has those little chromatic riffs. And you kind of need the bridge to set up the final verse.

Oh well, I'm going to do my version on piano, where I actually have decent chops, anyway...

[limunovapita]

PLEAS MISTER ZIMMERMAN COULD YOU PLEAS POST A VIDEO OF HOW TO PLAY Dick Cheney I BEG YOU

[pmcrimson]

Oh, and I didn't know all that about Newt. Dammit all, when *will* the country give up supporting those who espouse such childish, hypocritical, vile nonsense (in addition to their serial marriages)? *sigh/grrrr*

[pmcrimson]

Oh my god, I just love ya more and more. I have *got* to get this video to ye ole Drama Troupe. I'm sure they've got some musicians and I know lots of them care about the subject of gay marriage. I'll see if I can get them to tape a proper skit to your song for ya.

[Lintu1988]

YAY! Another 'how to play' video. Please do Ted Haggard next, doesn't that kind of go with Gay Pride month or whatever it is?

[elle765]

are the tabs up on the website, because I cannot find them anywhere...

[RoyZimmerman]

Hi Elle -- Our website had a glitch today and so everything is a bit screwy over there. Tabs (in keys for both men and women) should be up tomorrow. Thanks for looking!

Roy

[FoxJLee]

You... you have a set of tabs for female vocals! I might be bale to do a response video after all! Now if I can just find somebody who doesn't suck on guitar as badly as I do...

[quirkymusicfan]

Where are the tabs for female vocals? I can't find them on your site. The only tabs I see are in A minor, the same key you're using.

[brucekap2]

Capo!

[Roymansd]

Roy Zimmerman! Damn you for being straight! I would marry you in a heart beat!

[PaderWulf]

This reminds me, I need to but your album when I get the chance.

Especially sense "Let's go after the Buddhists" got removed.

But these are good songs up write up.

Satire has a new god, and it's Ron Zimmerman!

[RuinedSaint]

LOL...  Hillarious commentary, Roy!

[4Article1]

Awesome video! Another great message with humor and brutal honesty!

[coilly]

i married a car once... no hang on she was a bike, everyone in my town had a ride :( keep up the brilliant work roy, your a legend

[wickedgiggle]

You = awesome. I was so sad that I missed you at the unitarian church in the woodlands, TX. Are you going to come back 'round these parts?

[PolliFaxToaster]

Thankyou!  Im so in fond with you!

[blackcat355]

do you play the mandolin? or are those just for decoration

[thucy2]

What cool chords! You first won me over with the P-Funk chords to Jerry Falwell's God, but this is equally as cool. Thanks again.

[kattjones]

Oh, Roy Zimmerman, you are one of the coolest comedians around. I love your songs and political commentary. Plus, you rock for making the effort to connect to the youtubers who can be so cruel and at the same time so supportive. Keep doing what you do and I'll keep watching and spreading the good word!

[CrucieFiction]

The hateful bigotry of gays comes soley from the judgmental religious self-righteous. When one is deluded into thinking s/he is a favorite pet of a universal sky-daddy, it becomes easy to malign, discriminate, and even destroy other human beings. The ancient nonsense into absurd beliefs of fantasy that are responsible for so much suffering and inhumanity must come to an end. I spit in the eye of these monsters -- these godiots!

[kingrainbay]

At the obvious risk of being yelled at and accused of various things, I'm going to argue on that religious thing. I'm an Atheist. I believe in evolution and such. But I am against gays. Nothing to do with religion. And not just marriage... Gays in general. Sorry.

[kingrainbay]

Oh, and My last post was somewhat less than full of explaination, as I was worried about the letter limit. Nice songs by the way Mr. Zimmerman. This one and the others. This one is probably my favorite, as the sound and the lyrics are great. A close contest with Evolution 101 though.

[CrucieFiction]

The followers of Abrahamic religions have a reason to be bigoted toward gays -- the religions tell them it's an abomination and gays must be destroyed. This is the primary source from where the bigotry emanates. But yes, there will always be others witnessing these societal religious attitudes who will get swept into this tide of hateful irrationality toward fellow human beings who've done nothing to earn it except for the fact they're innocently different.

[CrucieFiction]

So, at least religionists have a reason to ignore humanity's principle of peace and harmony in the phrase, "live and let live". But without a holy book under you, to say you hate or are against such a large group of people only because they happen to have been born different in one aspect seems somehow even more irrational and despicable to me.

[Guess10000]

hating people for no apparent reason. that makes sense. we should all live like that.

[kingrainbay]

Totally. Not for no reason, for biological reasons.

[dbohls]

Your are definitely the exception of Atheists. What biological reasons could possibly cause you to hate gays?

[samuelshepard]

he never said he was an athiest

[dbohls]

Learn to read, samuelsheperd. kingrainbay says in plain English a few comments up that he is an Atheist.

[samuelshepard]

i thought he was talking about roy

[wogsland]

Yeah polygamy!

[Katalyzt]

newt gingrich is probably both: "the greatest satirist of our time", and "an asshole"... Cool video!

Katalyzt

[ergasterAUS]

You can marry your car?!

But how can I tell if my car is male or female? I don't want it to be gay!

[gumdropster]

I think you can marry IN your car..

[ergasterAUS]

"marry" is a euphemism, right?

[gumdropster]

Might not be... Roy has to answer this one!

[HealingBlight]

I'M GAY FOR ROY! EVERYONE IS GAY FOR ROY! :P

Really though, this is one of my favourite songs, so getting to hear more about it was fun. Oh and your fabric comment cemented the idea that you are one of the sharpest wits on Youtube in my opinion.

[anbucpt]

emmm... actually i'll wait for you to post the tablature, cuz i can't figure out the parts in the song you left out in this video

[anbucpt]

I'm working on learning everything give me a couple days. This is my favorite song besides Let's go after the Buddhists. Video response on it's way Roy!

[AppleCider99]

Mr. haircut...you look a lot different

[Falling100]

Nice work. Keep them comming!

[MechatronicsProf]

I can sing it, but I don't have the musical talent to play it, otherwise I'd -so- post a video response.

[RoyZimmerman]

Dear MechatronicsProf -

Sing it a capella. Or do an interpretive dance. Thanks for the note.

[luckyjohn19]

Geez you make nice sounding catchy music, Roy; and you top it all off so nicely with stings in the words.

I just love satire too, especially when, as you've said, it writes itself.

I agree with you that William is a gutsy man in the face of all that religiously inspired hatred.

What do the xians say that Jesus said? Worship the lord and love one another?

The sick 'tards just can't seem to come up with the right 'interpretation' on that one. LOL.

[admiralnovia]

"They're better at choosing the fabric of society...", brilliant as always, Roy. :)

As I am someone who couldn't carry a tune if it had handlebars, the actual "how to play..." parts of your "how to play..." videos go right over my head, but its worth waiting for the comedic gems interspersed between them. :)

[luckyjohn19]

"They're better at choosing the fabric of society..."

Damn! I heard it but I didn't immediately get it.

That's what I like. There's plenty there for dessert too.

[LatinD]

It's always a pleasure to watch your videos, and hear the snappy comments you add in between all those obscure guitar-playing instructions.

Thanks for sharing. Kudos to you, and keep them coming.

[neohillbilly]

as usual, you rock. great post Mr. Z.

[RosieDesire]

I always look forward to your videos. They are so intelligent and they are a breath of fresh air!!!

[KT45]

I like how you talk about the song while teaching how to play the song. I glad cause I can't play the guitar anyway so its good to hear your thoughts instead!

[monomij]

sweet songs, please make more songs.