Letterman - Comedian Patton Oswalt

[MrK623]

Just mute the ad, and never buy a product you ever see advertised here.

[itsonlykano87]

His fat guy impression sounds like Elton john

[inrwizards]

i was just looking up random comedians on letterman and came across the little guy from the king of queens and he turned out to be better than most of the other ones!

[Byrrd51]

My favorite comedian out there right now. Hands down. The best.

[pretorious700]

lol, "our president is a cool black guy"-doesn't that pretty much sum up American stupidity?

I used to think Patton Oswalt had some sense.

[Pisscity]

this shit is retarded

[Pisscity]

he doesn't even want to cuss

[WhatTheFlyinFudge]

"B-word Fat" This guy is brilliant!!

[KoRnKnoTTeR]

I think he is funnier than Kevin James

[Zaners]

He's such a pro.

[narriel]

He's so much funnier when he's not family friendly...

[SGAK]

25 people opened the door

[Wilsmyth]

Ad haters are entitled children that do not understand that nothing is free... I have an idea, get a job, you will understand the value of a buck, AND you will have less time to complain about ads on ads you get FOR FREE... idiots.

[pretorious700]

Our president is a cool looking smooth talking puppet

[F386Longrifle]

@pretorious700 Yeah... buy your rifle and gold now. 

[rerice82]

Why does David Letterman's Pencil have 2 Erasers?

[maximilian3490]

Bad Jokes: The Video

[fatsomamacheese]

This audience didn't deserve Patton Oswalt

[DoubtfulGrace]

I lolled hardest at alcoholic Biden.

[DancingSpiderman]

I have P-word Fat. All the words I utter with the B sound like P. That's somewhere between chubby and fluffy.

[jabrightlefthook]

someone please write down all those b words he is such a funny guy man wow

[mark10579]

The band really stepped on Patton's punchline

[brydon189]

@mark10579 pretty sure its how the video was edited, not how it appeared on tv, it happens to a lot of letterman vids on youtube.

[taurnguard]

Do I want to know why Patton's palms are wet?

[erik4727]

Carried out that "B" bit too long

[jabrightlefthook]

@erik4727 i feel like he did that purposefully to make it seem akwardly long but to each his own

[1844Freddy]

Obama is NOT cool. He's a stiff nerd.

[bloodr0cuted]

@1844Freddy Surely you know... this means you're a racist.

[MrCameronjohns]

@1844Freddy what do you have against buddy cop films ...... single tear

[buzzardbeatniks]

@1844Freddy - yeah, he must have missed the mom jeans incident.

[1844Freddy]

@buzzardbeatniks what?

[buzzardbeatniks]

@buzzardbeatniks - Google "obama" "mom jeans". NOT cool.

[angeltosome]

Hey, Dad, I threw your Blade Runner gun on the roof, haha, faggot.

[PolarBearCult]

fuck yeah, half-baked political debates in the comments section, exactly what i came here for XD

[curtsphobias]

Interesting how I can leave a completely gay comment and the sheeple thumb it up.

[MamiyaOtaru]

balance the budget again hahaha jesus

[mcnowski]

Ive stopped watching any video with a comercial, go to hell!

[Omnominable]

Guess I'm not watchin' this video.

[jesshaus]

I still wish he'd had his King of Queens spin-off, "Spence and Spencibility".

[yod87]

Without ads there would be no YouTube, let alone television. No one's happy about it but it's just how things work!

[cryoist]

@yod87 ,like periods with women.At least make the ads enjoyable instead of the oh it's okay moments with the bullshit smiles.

[Omnominable]

@yod87 There are ads everywhere else on the site. I doubt that YouTube is in such dire straits that they need this ad money.

[hitmansam98]

0:40 he says he says smart stuff thats total bs he reads his crap off a teleprompter thats y every once in a while he'll stutter hes doing it to wait for the words to come back on the screen little obama doesnt no anything about polotics MCCAIN SHOULD HAVE WON

[jd55192]

@hitmansam98 No, Sam, you're an idiot.

[hitmansam98]

@jd55192 thank u for considering ur opinion on utube but im not an idiot i just hate having osama for a president he thinks spendiong more money that we dont have is going to get us out of the crap hole of a economy but its not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!

[SuburbanIconoclast]

@hitmansam98 Since you aren't an idiot could you do me a favor and define "spendiong" to me ?

[mmasny]

@SuburbanIconoclast oh jesus. you twats are everywhere.

[evolve749]

I'm not a violent person, but these ads are going to drive me to murder. I'm just going to drive to the nearest ad agency and open fire with a AK-47. Who's with me?

[michaelat348]

@evolve749 count me in bromosexual

[ralphyetmore]

That dood is always awsome.

[JQT421]

Spence from King of Queens

[CatFlashBlue]

He's right. Our president and vice president is basically Men In Black =)

[PureMadness]

Thank heavens for Firefox and Adblock Plus, or else I'd have to actually watch all of these ads you guys are talking about. Oh, and both programs are free.

Love Patton Oswalt, btw.

[Chrisdrumz]

I want SHOWTIME even less now.

[snoozer998]

Guys, please don't spam all these vids with your rants about the ads. Take that 30 seconds to pet your dog or tell your girlfriend you love her or something. In the grand scheme of things, what's 30 secs out of your life?...Calm down.

[CircleBastiat]

@snoozer998 They're entitled assholes who think the world owes them something. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't care either way. YouTube is my favorite website... website need revenue to survive... ads provide revenue... I support ads. Done.

[Church6397]

@snoozer998 What if you don't have a dog or girlfriend ? you just made a lot of people sad

[WoAProximity]

@snoozer998 YOU BASTARD. i accidentally pet my girlfriend and told my dog i love him.

well.

this is awkward.

[LamonicBomb]

@snoozer998 it's 30s seconds where i feel like a part of me has died. fuck. commercials.

[pretorious700]

@snoozer998 once you begin to give up small parts of your fucking life, you become a slave and a pussy. keep bitching people, it shows you care

[mseales]

@snoozer998

Or install AdBlock.

[easthousepinballwiza]

@snoozer998 Nice try youtube employee...

[snoozer998]

@easthousepinballwiza If I was a YouTube employee, don't you think I'd be thinking of ways to screw up the homepage instead of commenting on videos?

[inrwizards]

@snoozer998 my dog bit me and my imaginary gf left me

lol jk nice comment. i think the same thing everytime i watch a vid of Dave on the CBS channel

[sandyw239]

@snoozer998 correct. However, it's 30sec EACH TIME. muthafuuhhhh.

[snoozer998]

@sandyw239 When I wrote that comment, it was not as frequent as it is now.

[df61660a]

@snoozer998

nothing . but when its 30 seconds for almost ever single freaking vid u watch on youtube, that 30 sec turns in to quite some time.

[snoozer998]

@df61660a Like I told someone else, when I wrote the comment the ads weren't as frequent.

[gigantor21]

I haven't seen a single ad since getting the Ad-Block Plus addon for Firefox...you guys should check it out.

[BillF1967]

Not. Funny.

George Carlin dies and unfunny chumps like this lives.

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@BillF1967 patton oswalt is amazing

[Pareidolic]

@DrinkSkateSleep

really?? he literally amazes you? do you know what that word means?

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@Pareidolic ..... That was the most pointless reply ever.

[Yieiuu]

@Pareidolic Are you talking about "literally" or "amaze"? Either way, shut the fuck up.

[matromik1]

birthing trench....lol

[Cahulawassee]

You could probably smell Obama's ass all over Oswalt's face.

[arthurtats]

i loved him as SPENCE in the king of queens.........he was funny as hell

[Wismia]

@arthurtats me too

[arthurtats]

@Wismia yup, i actually liked him better than the main characters.....thanx for replying

[TwilightSamus]

Cigarette.

Cigarette.

Cigarette.

[Weslo2]

are you fucking kidding me

now refreshing the page doesn't remove the ad's anymore

seriously google, me watching these ads is just making me not want to buy any of the products featured in them

[osocali777]

this set prety much sucked

[h1br1dthe0ri3]

@osocali777 that's because he tones his material down for network TV. Watch some of his uncensored bits.

Watch his Christmas Shoes routine

this is one of my favorites

[mikedrud]

Get ready, Paul, I'm going to dismount.

[enviro007]

Obama is gonna ruin the country, on Soros's puppet strings. Clicking somewhere else.

[mattstevenson12]

Music; early ending, huh?

[jawhn1]

he's trying so hard to not cuss.

[papavb]

@jawhn1

yeah i think he grunted the word shit early on

[7Cz4Life]

he sucks-.-

[hamsterluber]

@7Cz4Life fuck you duchbagf

[7Cz4Life]

@hamsterluber CHILL OUT KILLAH he sucks my opinion muth fucka

[WeedGreenPowerRanger]

@7Cz4Life

Watch some of his material that isn't toned down for network TV. This bit was a lot different than the stage version.

[ElPayasoMalo]

@WeedGreenPowerRanger Yeah, changed "eat the afterbirth" to "steal the umbilical cord," and other things.

[mandrivaal]

advertisements on the internet.... Really?

[Punkulele]

I love patton. my fav comedian of all time

[alnakhli999]

What does 'dove' got to do moires, who comes up with fucked up advertisements? a 5years old.

[CanineFaeces]

Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination, as you're getting ass raped.

[buddhastalin]

last night I saw a jack rabbit with a woman's face!!

[phiegnux]

paul im a bout to dismount! hahaha

[Gettinghitonattheban]

He seems nervous about swearing. I hate TV for this reason. It ruins really hilarious comedy.

[zorbatheok]

birthing trench?  ...lol

[Bugsy99]

"Why do I have a British accent all of a sudden"

LOVE IT

[movierich]

Some commenters here think this was a weak performance-that's insane! This was hysterical! So, if this is his weakest, imagine his strongest!

[quixoto]

@movierich See?  His weakness is strong.

[pdx98pdx98]

My god! Those commercials are annoying

[klcsi]

it's spence from king of queens!!

he's great!!

[Inferno41]

far from his best set. Anybody not sold on him here should check out his CD's, especially Werewolves and Lolipops!

[asd910ddm]

not that funny here...he is very funny though...think hes a little outve his element here, on letterman, no swearing, national TV...etc

[benzodiazapines]

Guy is a past master. That's awesome. Dude was on fire.

[greenpanther1990]

the asian dude was like wtf get away from u fag

[jwka2001]

"waves of fuck fumes" pure patton

[CHIWhiteVulture]

haha if you buy the actual stand-up it's great when he's talking about the birthing robot that has a in a hundred chance that it will skin the baby to make an I-Pod case.

[jek21]

spoiler alert!

[CHIWhiteVulture]

Character actors....who gives a fuck if we're fat!!!??

[Takerkid14]

I've got a key in my pocket.

[force39osborn]

@CHIWhiteVulture Sprinkle some fries on those Cup-Cakes!

[BananaHurricane]

Fuck the incubator, put her in the cold laser bath!

[RomTheSpaceknight]

"Paul, get ready I'm about to dismount" pure Patton

[Rhademanthus]

Nowhere near as funny as when he really cuts loose.

[cerca87]

yeah he seems sort of nervous or something..

[EretzLaAm]

What's with the advertisement?

[ExireHG]

All the 'official members' have advertisements. Trailers for movies played by the movie company, TV stations like CBS, NBC, ABC, specific shows like Ed Sullivan...they all have advertisements now.

Wait...I'm getting a psychic vision. Yes, its becoming clear now...I can see the end of the internet as we know it.

[marshfinch]

Should have busted out his Nolte during the cop movie part. His Nolte is gold.

[enotdetcelfer]

Yes, how dare Youtube sell ads to help pay for the bandwidth and storage costs of streaming millions of hours of video a day that you enjoy for fucking free.....stfu

[Sh0nin]

You say that as if they weren't already making more money a week than you will in your entire life from the billions of hits they get daily. The ads are google just being fucking greedy. Get schooled you dunce.

[enotdetcelfer]

LOL, WUT?

Youtube is estimated to lose around $200 mil this year. Google is paying for Youtube out of pocket so they get other non-revenue benefits.

Get schooled? Eat your feedback. Google "youtube losses" and research before you talk shit.

[Isncee]

I downvoted it just because of the ad.

[kdixon7783B]

CBS can blow me with the adds.

[ALICEandBRENDA]

i love what he wore... a purple over shirt, covering a blue shirt, and his ''fuck it im gonna get crazy dance dance black slacks!''

your a god patton!

[readchomsky]

Wow are you kidding? Ads at the end too? Fuck this.

[choad45]

I hate these stupid advertisements. jesus christ.

[Delmer7]

@choad45 This is youtube. not the man's tool this is the people product.

[mufasahhh]

@choad45 yeah man, free access to an endless supply of videos sure does suck. 30 seconds every once in a while is just the worst price imaginable.

[choad45]

@mufasahhh, it used to be no commercials, remember....

[metasailor]

@choad45 - i'm so glad my keyboard has a mute button.

[LouReedsBooks]

@choad45 pause the video, refresh. it works

[JoyGrenade]

@choad45 I know. It's not enough that we have to wait to see our videos; they have to put them at the end, too?

[tigerlibby28]

@choad45 It's better than charging us to use youtube which they are talking about doing.

[ToListen]

@choad45 But, if it weren't for these advertisements, you'd be able to watch these videos right when you clicked on them.

[TheLent12]

@choad45 Just hit refresh and you'll skip them

[WHOLETTHECATSOUTMEOW]

@choad45 especially when they fucking freeze for 30 seconds....twice.

[yod87]

@choad45

Without ads there would be no YouTube, let alone television. So relax and do something else for 30 seconds.

[Albylion]

I enjoyed the My Weakness Is Strong album, but on the Letterman Show here... I think he's stoned.

[eightysworst]

oswalt is only flustered cuz letterman's audience is lame. for instance..... "last night i saw a jack rabbit with a woman's face!"..... *crickets*

[mymaserati]

Patton seems a little flustered in this. his Comedy Central special KILLED. so funny. better than Letterman that's for sure (why is that guy still on the air again?)

[fissibu]

I thought the same thing. Patton's gotta censor himself a bit because being on Letterman, he's on national TV. On his actual special (My Weakness is Strong), he's playing to an audience who paid to see him, and likely know what they're in store for. Once is recorded Comedy Central airs his special, censored for TV. Two different environments.

[kingofthelaugh]

Patton's the tits

but letterman is such a duchebag

[favorfav]

Was that "shit" he says at 1:40? No one caught it. Well, as far as his act goes, he's got a long way to go to call it comedy.

[mymaserati]

no, it wasn't.

[IanHoesing]

If you want high brow comedy look at George Carlin or Lewis Black still Patton is one of my favourites and has some exceptional bits, though I've seen him pull off this one alot better on his comedy central special. Seriously his KFC bit still makes my sides split.

PS

What's all the hatred aimed at Dane Cook his bits work, and it's not because the jokes are good it's his personality, his energetic and random the same way Family Guy is funny.

[mymaserati]

you think George Carlin was high brow? maybe you haven't heard his 'incomplete list of impolite words'. or maybe you don't know the definition of high brow. either way I love George Carlin, Lewis Black and especially Patton :)

[maximus426]

niggerfaggot

[catsaregrey]

PATTON RULES NUFF SAID

[michaeljamesmccabe]

Wow. Can't believe all the hate on here for Patton. For Patton? That makes no sense to me. The guy is hilarious. One of the best touring comedians out there today.

[dannyboy785]

Way to take an unfunny premise(B word fat) and drag it on for a minute. You can tell people are laughing less and less. It's a funny idea that you can tell a guy's fat by how he talks, but patton isn't really that fat(not fatter than many others) and the example he gave wasn't even his own accent. I may be biased because I don't enjoy him but it doesn't take from the fact that he takes one slightly funny premise and drives it into the ground

[artpiston]

I suppose you prefer to see Dane Cook do that joke, except he's going to do a cartwheel at the end to sell it.

Oh, and you're b-word fat, I bet.

[dannyboy785]

How about you look any of my videos, dumb ass. And so since I don't like Patton, that means I like dane? fuck, dane's a tool, I hate his sorry ass. Comedy's not fuckin philosophical, so high brow comedy is a fuckin waste of time. Especially when fans of patton look down on other awesome comics that aren't high brow.

[KajiCarson]

Patton always cracks me up.

[BlakeTahoe]

ever occur to anyone patton might actually LIKE obama?...hell i like orange juice...so when i talk good about it im kissing Tropicana's ass?...if anything its other people that have the problem(granted i could personally care less about bush,obama,clinton,etc)

[tommypnoid]

man we are all getting really tired of people just kissing butt because it it cool and hip but this is the same man who bashed clinton bush and bush not because they did something wrong but just because it was funny and he could now they are scared little sheep

[teufelkim]

why does every comedian feel they have to kiss up to Obama because he's black?

[obdami]

Why do feel they are sucking up to Obama? Maybe it's simply because they view him as the best, smartest president we've had since Kennedy.  And yes, he is cool.

[lol33pp]

Kennedy was a horrible president. Just because the guy got tons of pussy and got shot doesnt mean he did his job well.

[obdami]

Why do you think Kennedy was a bad president? He handled the Cuban missile crisis brilliantly. If Bush had been president back then, we would all be dead.

[dannyboy785]

And bush didn't handle 9/11 brilliantly? We've not had an attack since and Al-Qaeda is still running rampant. Saddam is now dead and not killing hundreds of innocent civillians. Tell me how many other presidents had to deal with a terrorist attack like 9/11

[obdami]

FDR

[dannyboy785]

pearl harbor?? that wasnt a fuckin terrorist attack you retard!!

[obdami]

You are splitting hairs. Both were an act of war.

[dannyboy785]

ah who cares. let's talk about the issue at hand. Patton sucks as a comedian. He's paid way too much to not be very funny

[obdami]

I agree, he does suck.

[dannyboy785]

hooray, something we can agree on. Let's stay on that topic

[obdami]

He looks like a fat midget.

[ShadowClark143]

He looks like a little lesbian!

I love that bit XDD

Hi..I'm a guy that looks like a guy...SOAK IT IN!

[puddles1991]

Again, everyone has seen your awful stand-up... you might want to jump down off the high horse, junior. You couldn't put a cogent thought together if your life depended on it.

[dannyboy785]

LMAO!!! that's where you're a dumb fuck!!! Patton = doing stand up for years upon years. Me = done stand up for 2 months. there's a big difference, you ignorant fuck

[dannyboy785]

rofl you try so hard.. yet you're comparing apples to oranges. Patton = high brow stupid shit for 10+ years. Me = shit people actually get for 2+ months. hmmmmm, I'm not as funny as him.. ya think????