Minutes Off of Your Life Vol: 14

[cherryblsmgrl69]

Lets be friends!!!

[cp7932]

I think I am in that spot right now....thanks for opening up.

[TheBigBang19]

cool an mtf i'm ftm

[rebecca341]

I know what you are feeling i have felt the way you do for the past 4 months and i am here for you if you need to chat and i feel how you feel and its hard

[ritesofspr]

I would encourage you to look back over the last year and see if you are at the point where maybe you are tending to have the same questioning and concerns that you were about 4 or 5 months ago, if you know what i'm saying. if i was there, i'd give you a hug and just listen to you. stay strong, we care about you so much.

[ritesofspr]

hey charlotte, your vid made me cry too. i think it's important to go through the thought processes you are. i think the relationship is really causing you to question everything. you went from questioning to support, to transition to talking about your ex. these three things seem to be on your mind a lot lately. you are right too, real life support is so important.

[Lebandgyp]

well , things will get better XD!

btw , i love that shade of your lips , what do you use????

[Bradly62]

People....don't be alone...give the joy of you to others....women are not loners. I recommend seeking out a Unitarian Universalist Church....you need a community. You made me cry.....we are all in a current together one connect continum....

[karmatic1110]

Personally, no matter how open the church, I can't get myself to walk in. And honestly I never will, but thank you for the suggestion.

[Bradly62]

I recorded a video for you...I so emotional but give a listen...it is so easy to set aside community and focus inward...but sometimes...being part of something bigger makes life more bearable.

[karmatic1110]

I 100 percent agree and if the word church wasn't in it lol I am sure I would be interested.

[ellemueller]

I know precisely what you mean - I'm not there yet, but I still hold hope.

[Kinga1Kosinska]

Whats going on now in your heart and head and soul-in you- it makes you a better person in the end.I think this video is like a trip inside what getting through transition is really like for the people who dont know much bout it.Life is a journey you will meet a great people,those who stay with you are those whos really got the meaning of friendship.Much love

[karmatic1110]

Wow, I love what you wrote. Transition for me is facing every fear becuase you have no choice. The possibility of losing everything and being alone. making your life a struggle or gauntlet only to see if you will end up on the other side. The question really is how strong am I?

[Kinga1Kosinska]

You know we never sure if we face it but if the sparkle inside burning it will be ok.Only thing you must be sure now that you are honest with yourself.Its confusing and very scaring but honey whatever you will do these feeling always are part of life so the only way is living it real.Stay strong

[karmatic1110]

Aww thank you so much... You just made me cry :)

[crimsonrecluse]

I'm really not the person to be giving advice about this, so I'll tell a story instead. At your age I started transition. I went through the exact issues you are now, and detransitioned. 14 years later I'm still suffering the same gender issues. It doesn't go away. Did I just loose 14 years of life? I don't know.

[karmatic1110]

Oh I have been through the same thing but I pushed it away without trying to transition at 17, 21, 25 and now. It doesn't go away and I know it is something I have to do. I just wish I didn't sometimes.

[yurchardonnay]

Don't let this cost you from being you no matter what you do.

[ouchmycrank]

A powerful vlog. Two phrases jumped out at me: "I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with my transition" and "Is this really what I need?" Please explore those thoughts more fully with your therapist. Make sure. You're a level-headed person with many options. Follow your gut. Either way, people will still love you.

[karmatic1110]

Oh I have done the whole what if thing with her. My problem is I think too much and want to explore every single doubt. I mean down to the stupidest things. I think I am just running from transitioning but the problem is, it always runs faster than I do and I can't get away.

[ouchmycrank]

OK, but one more question. Why are you "running from transition"? That would seem to be an indication of your gut trying to tell you something.

[karmatic1110]

Like?

[fiddlejamie]

I so know -exactly- so exactly how you feel. I feel the same way sometimes :(

I too...am going to probably loose the girl I love over this, I've so often thought, is there some other way..?

[laurathedreamer]

that seems to be the hardest part so far... the loneliness... sorry... but things always get better... not be be little miss optimist, but i believe that this is the challenging part of our lives, and after transition, you will be soooo happy and soooo loved... you made me cry by the way... :)

[kitykat65]

Dont feel bad,it happens to all of us sometimes.

Its like,we are afraid to be happy.

[sarge1186]

I feel you're pain. I feel it, so many doubts. And the thing I fear most, is that somehow I'm not being fair to my friends or family. And when I think that over logically, I can tell myself that I'm not the one being unfair to anyone...but it never feels like that.

[karmatic1110]

I agree and I am glad I am not the only one. I needed that.

[willowxxx]

Aw! *hugs!*

[faerynthemoon]

Excellent vlog Charlotte. You bring up a really good point. You are a woman, plain and simple. You are a woman who wants to be treated like a woman, and who wants to be loved and have security ... nothing wrong with that, hopefully the guys on here understand that! As far as losing friends because of transition... you NEED to be strong (I know u are) ... you are a good person ... good things and poeple will come your way <3 I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

[karmatic1110]

I love you too hun!

[Ladyoffears]

*cries* I really hope things look up for you hun. I know how hard things can get. Just remember your friends that stick with you through this are your true life long friends and care for you and love you for who you are. *hugz*

[karmatic1110]

I know, but the problem is my really close friends moved away :(

[plainolderica]

I feel for you...

[mbearstop]

I can understand what your going through. None of my friends know about my ts life. So it's a tough feeling like your going through it all alone. You seem pretty cool, I wish I could give ya' a hug. Your videos help others like me out so much. Your not alone. (-:

[karmatic1110]

I really wish I had more people that unerstood it that would be here but usually although my friends try to get it, sometimes its frusterating.

[mbearstop]

I've had those days were I've been just so frustrated with it all. Have you thought about finding a trans group to spend sometime getting to know other folks? Or you can start your own group, were you could meet folks.

[karmatic1110]

They have one near me run by my therapist but I just don't want to go. Support groups are odd to me.

[manniefaces]

I want to reach right through my computer screen and give you a great big hug! You are in my thoughts take care.

[karmatic1110]

Thanks hun. Hopefully its just a phase and not a lifestyle from here on out :/

[manniefaces]

I feel you girlfriend. Good friends are hard to find but they can so make the tough times easier. I am terrible at the pushing people away thing. I desire support but hate allowing myself to be vunerable. I am sending some good warm positive energy your way!