Patton Oswalt - Grocery Store Robots

[ShinnVal]

Self-checkout is awesome because it's FASTER. I've literally gone through a checkout faster than a cashier would have been able to scan my stuff. With me packing my own stuff means I pack it the way I like it because I ALWAYS have to repack the bags when a cashier does it.

[bendlor]

louis ck is where its at

[cragmac1000]

I'm just thinking about swiping 100 cumquats through food mart R2 and what the meth clerks think of that shit while I get off with 200$ worth of groceries! Oh fuck ROFLOL!

[rad4life1]

We should get 20 bucks back for using the robots LOL

[yuothineyesasian]

Not sure if this still works but we used to take a 24-pack of Miller High Life and rotate one of the cans inside so that you could see the individual can UPC through the hole you use as a handle.

When you go to the self-checkout and scan the can UPC instead of the box UPC then it comes up as a 4-pack of MHL.

So that's 18$ worth of beer for 3$, and we must have done that at least 30-40 times that summer, and told all of our friends about it. So I'm sure they fixed it by now.

[BudDickman]

@yuothineyesasian Or you could just not scan anything and just steal the other 4% of the beer.

[yuothineyesasian]

Not sure you're getting it. Reread my comment.

[BudDickman]

@yuothineyesasian Sorry if I missed the trick, you're scanning an individual can instead of the package, so you're paying for one can and stealing 23, why pay for one?

[yuothineyesasian]

Ooops sry i misread your comment.

I guess because I'm still a fan of miller high life and their product deserves money. Or because I didn't want to walk out of walmart with stolen beer every other day.

[captainkirk21]

When you're high on Meth you really don't want to make small talk

[ryuuseicha]

I prefer self-checkout because then I don't have to deal with the barely-literate teenagers who tend to work as grocery store cashiers. Doing some work myself > Dealing with idiotic fuckups, IMO.

[5p1d3rk1n6]

message to all customers: just because your at self-checkout does not meen we cant see the condums you're buying. thank you and have a nice evening.

[brokenseatbelt]

Robots.

[sheldonmosbeck]

Self-checkout is a great way to avoid talking to people.

[Teaglex93]

@sheldonmosbeck unless you work at one......

[mysterywhiteboy72]

Frakkin Holobands

[wii2050]

In the future robots be stealin your meth.

[ChainGangPictures]

This guy is a genius!

[CertifiedGooner729]

@annoythefish When you die.

[Crueltool8]

I spit out my saliva on my monitor after he said " I KNOW HOW MUCH KUMQUATS COST! "

[naquan59]

i liked just so it would be a even 300. so plz just fav this video don't like it, make a whole playlist of this really funny guy for all i care just don't like this video.

[KurasakiBleachigo1]

@naquan59 i liked it just to spite u

[naquan59]

@KurasakiBleachigo1 oh damn

[MegaMagicman20]

look up his angrey magicain!

everything he said was spot on!

and funny!

[solarsystemboots]

Which special is this?



[CreatureParallax]

@solarsystemboots My Weakness is Strong

[CthuhluRising]

I KNOW HOW MUCH KUMQUATS COST! =D

[TyeNee]

PUNCH



[jositohacturas]

I WANNA BE A CHECKOUT CLERK! 

[solomade3]

"...first, i got pregnant in highskool...."

[Chitownmoviefan]

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETH!

[killahkoreah]

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETH

[generalgeewhiz]

saaaaaaad

[hardcoremutineer]

Meth, Meth, Meth, biker boyfriend, dead cop, technicality, rehab, jesus, pharmacy assistant, MEEEEEEEETH!!!!...checkout clerk.

[cerzule]

@hardcoremutineer -- yeah, best part. I love the random "Jesus" and how she goes right back to meth!

[noegod]

is it wierd that i feel attracted to the description of that clerk and her jacked up lifestyle choices?

[snidelywhiplash]

@noegod You're not alone. I got a boner listening to the description.

[krazyzark]

dead cop. technicality. also... he was right, it was 11 seconds!

[JhericFury]

I wanna be a shop out clerk!

[XhockeyfightX]

Four people don't know how much kumquats cost.

[InFaDeLiTy]

Do you have any meth?

[MrFan32]

god damn i found my new favorite comedian

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

Enough of this gay banter.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

In your wife's neglected vagina.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

Now you're all butthurt because you made all this kerfuffle over nothing. Well don't be weird about it. Just pick up your badly bruised 2" ego, dust it off, and shove it up your pink sock.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

Son... I am disappoint. Only an illiterate hedwig would quote "right" like that, when I'd never posited such a thing.

Now you've gotten all serial on me, so that's lame. And if you had been paying attention, I was making fun of the arrogant turd. Come on, get your head in the game here.

And what's this latent misogyny in your line of shit talking? Make fun of a dick once in a while, guy.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

Where are you bitch? I'm not through with you. You've got some mildly inventive insults going, but you revealed yourself to be a coward by going for soft targets. A real insult would have revealed ME to be the idiot, instead you go for an attack on my conception, which only reveals the fact that you know I'm fucking right.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

Oh, you're mighty insecure. Suppose that's where you get your cynicism from? Heh heh.

[Jcolinsol]

@CynicalCatharsis

I take it that you're a stupid person then?

[sanguinarysorrow]

4 people dont have any MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTHHHHHHH­HHHHH

[AnimeAttitude]

My favorite comedian ever. Only smart people seem to get how his jokes are funny.

[Jcolinsol]

@AnimeAttitude

Only stupid people think patton's jokes are smart.

[GhettoDoughBoy]

He isnt that funny.

[DrBadtouchSaysDance]

@GhettoDoughBoy Yeah huh

[rypro525]

I KNOW HOW MUCH CUM QUATS COST

[BoomDowg]

Sad!

[OldWolf57]

words can not begin to explain how hard i just laughed

meth, meth, meth, biker boyfriend, dead cop, technicality, rehab, jesus, pharmacy assistant, MEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTHHHHHHH, check out clerk.

[Fehnrique]

One person doesn't have any meth

[niloh96]

HEY SPENCE!

DOUG NOT WONDERIN WHERE YOU ARE?

[ChrisginAtkins]

METTTTTHHHHH!

[Scotch7000]

lol i feel exactly the same way about this.

[kappitts]

"Do you have any meth?"

[mironpa90]

How in the hell did I miss this?

[mironpa90]

How in the hell did I miss this?

[MrSanctification]

METH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!

[GentleDementia]

what routine is this from? is it a cd? or a live show someone recorded?

[robaronin]

@GentleDementia It's from his DVD "My Weakness Is Strong"

[GentleDementia]

@robaronin

thanks, I was confused because I've seen this routine, but didn't know there were dvd extras.

[TheBlitz1]

do you haaave any meth?

[Stacktovic845]

That 8 years was exactly 11 seconds. MEEEEEEEETH

[HaloRoxMySox47]

2:58

Saaaad :(

[sjaatime]

MEEEEEETH

[maxman1602]

1:24 Is that his impression of Gilbert Gotfried?

[SLAPnPOP726]

@maxman1602 I think so!

[WildHunt25]

Do you HAVE any meth?

[Voltora]

This is unbelievably hilarious in hindsight because Patton Oswalt is playing a robot now.

[golfthewlis]

MEEETH!

[pcostel1]

great!