Mystery Stink Spot on the Carpet

[frisbeesANDflipflops]

pills that turn your loved ones into carpet munchers?! fox news needs to cover this.

[plurp7]

this sounds just like the group home i work at.

laughed my ass off at your story cuz it hits so close to home, thanks for posting!

[845515786]

shut up elephant dick

[kevinivers]

what are you, a PA? no wonder. ;-)

[845515786]

you would'nt think the doctor would prescribe medication that turns a person into a billy goat?

[somegirlonthefloor]

I dont know why i find him amusing he looks like something out of a horror movie, dont kill me type. Freaky voice and just looks well.. scary?

[gibax]

man you do some fucked up shit

sometimes when im high i just watch the shit out of your old videos and get freaked right the fuck out dude

[SoakyBeaver]

It's hard to put a finger on why ractalfece is so great. It's a freakshow, but you can't stop watching. It's like taking a trip through the mind of a man who's insane. He's very original.

[AndyInJapanN]

hahaha this is man-tastic

[bigmoohunter1010]

What was on the floor? Vomit, pee, Vomit? Do tell...

[wstoner]

So what your saying is, is that Mertle is a carpet muncher?

[CorbeauBlanc]

intelligent. love it :)

[CurlyisKing]

"You wouldnt think a doctor would prescribe medications to a person that would turn them into a billy goat! But they do." LMFAO

[MrSExperience]

that is the funniest line..i love this guy.

[amc6765]

Hilarious and creative.  Great job, man!

[hopeitsgewd]

1:25......*puts down sandwich* :(

[Nimnoms]

I've go some chocolate milk.

[taddoo7]

Love your VIDS.. Great editing by the way.

[xdugef]

the best comebacks allways come too late

[bigmoohunter1010]

i know what you mean

[Loghren]

Love the stories, man! Keep it up.

But, um, what kind of meds ARE those that turn a person into a billy goat?

[ericatsatlanta]

this guy is so handsome :)

[richanuff]

Agreed. He has great shoulders. Hahaha. Really nice eyes and smile.

[klaudivino]

I guess she's been watching "2 girls and a cup" :P

[xjapandamonium]

So.. are you a retirement home nurse?

[Tomkingsbury]

I'm trying to comment, but I just keep laughing

[chris3443]

I can't believe how great these stories are. TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT RF!

[mathematicscore]

The effect you used where you yell "Hey!" is great.

[Metro9nome]

we love you ractalfece!

[OniShow]

she was eating the carpet! what kind of pills make you eat carpet

[reaperhatch86]

is dat sum devilock u r sporting?

[AustinPwndU]

Wow...Strange.

[graham6419]

I meant xliquidnoisex

[graham6419]

I find your username confusing.

[ronMexico121]

Ractalface = disguised "rectal face".

[MrSExperience]

I think it means rectal as in ass

and fece...a sort of singular for feces...which makes sense for a guy that has been known to make money by cleaning out impacted colons.

[bigmoohunter1010]

so his name means assfeces? What is a feces??

[kaddapatton]

haha, i remember those days...nice vid..

[lightswitchlarry]

reminds me of the map monster

[ginginnyme]

You are damn sexy. :P

[MrSExperience]

Bravo, sir. The editing of your videos seems to be getting even more sophisticated and professional looking.

[6wings]

Another fine tale.

[countingdown27]

~claps like a leper~ hahaha AGAIN AGAIN!!!

[Dxmmonster]

mmmmm. pilllllls, yummy

[pparasol]

god I love you.

[Pridonian]

Excellent.. great story.  How do you put up with all that at work day in and day out?

[Tucknrollgrampa]

Dude, you have a way with stories. Hats off to the guy doing your music too, goes so well with your story telling.

[metalbollocks]

ur a gay quier...

[guidotnb]

What kind of songs does a gay choir sing?

[xxsmokeymcpotxx]

I think that he just lacks the mental capacity to spell 'queer'

[FLuffeeTalks]

hahaha wtf your stories are so messed up man!

funny as shit tho!

[ginginnyme]

Is this about a woman or a cat??? lol

[GeniusRickyD]

What's really disturbing is that the spot smelled like vomit and asshole. What was she eating before the carpet? :/

[Wolfsbaner]

Did you ever know that your my hero?

Pehaps even to a lesser extent the wind beneath my wings.

[ChainLinkGrin]

You always have the best stories and never disappoint.

[amaraca]

Your plots are so good! I was gripped on every word!

[dodgeball303]

sooo great, I wonder if Miracle Whip would sponsor this clip?

Probably not.

[surrealisticpill]

great video and story. a literal carpet muncher.

[RanTaoSama]

awesome as always

[Nimnoms]

That's cause you use to dig in each others asses.

[ununhexium]

I can't get over the imagery of you screaming HEY to a woman chewing the carpet.

[demeteor]

lool you rock dude . well she i fat redarted fishfrog bitch :p

[lukeap]

you never cease to please...

[Fun247247]

Your boss is a potato eating bitch.

[border2border]

Bloody brilliant! You really are a natural storyteller, in the best tradition. Please keep them coming. Much appreciated.

[AdamKiyomori]

My god man, what line of work are you in?

[TheBabyEaters]

snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap

[wolbrother8]

*Claps*

[6Churches]

Oh wow, I can die happy.

[angeauclaire]

Listen Roger, I used to work with those freaks for 14 years myself. How soon can we get married? I want to steal client medication with you and make cool babies that are schizophrenic.  Sound good? yeah I thought so. I am funnier than you and I'm a girl, so make me some foods such as brocolli with the cheeses on it.

[Nimnoms]

How about toothpaste?

[angeauclaire]

haha...some aim would be good on my taste buds. Ok no. I am not Myrtle and you are not my Dad.

[theman696996]

man this guy never wheres a shirt lol funny vid

[frezned]

Every word is like a massage for my soul. John, you are a wizard.

[AndyInJapanN]

oh yeahhh i'm loving all the squatting going on here

keep growing that devilock

[bobby562557]

i would like to rape you like a billy goat lol jk

[bobby562557]

LOL THTS FUNNY CARPET

[BradOFarrell]

My mom says if you wanna be a lesbian you gotta lick carpet.

[Gollon666]

check all your prescriptions

[ScrapperSara]

"How many potatoes does she eat?" I Swear I've never laughed so hard. I think everyone of your videos is my favorite, but every new one, you prove me wrong. Love the -extreme close-ups- and the profile shots..."And I handed her a little paper cup full of pills..." You must love, "So I married an Axe Murderer," too. The poetic justice to it all!!! bahahahahaha!

[Eeptog]

i hate it when i think of a comeback then its already too late.

[TheBSG]

This makes me miss the old days. Promise me you'll call when you come back up north.

[mrzisme]

maybe its because I just got done watching your older videos but something about this one seems suprisingly sober, like some kind of edge was gone

[willtom27]

ractalfece: That line about the carpet spot smelling like a mixture of "vomit & asshole" is so typical of you. I've noticed this growing obsession you seem to have with bodily fluids & excrement....vomit, blood, farts, semen, saliva...even your username brings to mind fecal matter. I am waiting for the vid where you introduce menstrual fluid into the monologue.

Body fluids & excrement are natural, John. You don't have to build a whole freaky noir thing around them.

[TheBSG]

This post delivers. I've heard 100s of his poems, and you're spot on. It's an awesome theme.

[Linxoz]

hmm i'm not feeling this one. something different about you here. i still love your work :)

[deathrecycle]

fukin random lol

[deathrecycle]

shit the shoe, its all u gotta do

[Idianarose]

I love your videos

[Thewheeler1]

A billy goat hahah!

[chris3443]

5 stars. Again.

[Karzz1991]

awesome dude! i love your videos

[kyoobeh]

awesome

[Clockworkforest]

Holy crap man. Mesmerizing.

[dgm4ever]

I used to use this shampoo that smelled like strawberry, I mean exactly like it. So I tasted it. It was like doing a shot of lighter fluid.

[guidotnb]

As a child I periodically snacked on paint chips.

[geoffreybeene]

this is fantastic

[DemonWithGoldenWings]

whoa

im speechless

8-O

[HethenBlackhand]

lol..honestly dont know what to say. funny and disturbing at the the same time.

[PokeAsheep]

Oh lord, lol, so gross. Oh man. i feel sorry for the lady.

[spewaysealat]

haha

good