How Many More Kids Must Die?

[popazz1]

Yet again,Rob,you make an eloquent video,so well done.It clearly doesn't matter if you're some 'knuckle-dragger' from a 'sink-estate' or a member of the 'landed-gentry',bigotry,hate & homophobia exists all across the 'social classes' in the UK.I left school almost 35 yrs ago,pr lowering the age of consent,& was badly bullied for being gay.Seems not a whole lot has changed.Schools have GOT to address this serious issue as a matter of urgency,not just make appropriate noises!

[RobNorthampton]

@popazz1 Thanks very much. I'm only 4 years older than you, so we have both seen many changes for the better since we were teenagers. However, it has to be said that we are still fighting for equality and the right to live our lives free from persecution. Most of the kids who write to me are from America, where they seem to have a real problem with differences in the human condition. I've now added my latest video on the same subject as a video response to this one. See above. I pull no punches.

[popazz1]

@RobNorthampton .Yeah,I see the changes each day,& they've massively improved how we are treated,thank god.But as you point out we DO still have a way to go.Sadly,(no matter how many laws there may be to 'protect' us),bigotry & hate will never truly be legislated for.Yes,imprisonment may well punish the hater,but upon release that hater will STILL be a hater.I believe that education about diversity has GOT to begin in the education system,but then there's the issue of faith-schools!

[TylerClementi]

Thank you for this touching video. I've added it to the Tyler Clementi/LGBT memorial channel. ♥

[hazza940]

and you said people are the way they're made. there not made like that they chose to be like that you cant help being tall or having blue eyes so that was a really bad point you made.

[popazz1]

@hazza940 ,You CANNOT choose to be gay,sorry to burst your bigoted bubble,but you just CAN'T! Do you really think anyone would choose to be subjected to the sorts of abuse we gays go through if we could choose to be anything other than gay?! Let me ask you,when did you choose to be heterosexual?! Surely you would say you didn't choose to be str8?! Well,it is EXACTLY the same for gays!

[hazza940]

@popazz1 obviously i didnt have a problem when i was born im a human i am supposed to be straight, so why are "you gays" different, tell me what is the meaning in life? its to reproduce. so why arent you doing that, why are you bummin guys in the arse. surely u can see in ur head thats not normal the anus is for takin a crap not for havin some ones dick in there. lets say i put food in my fridge thats the normal thing to do, i wouldnt put my pet dog in there would i? so why do that to your body?

[popazz1]

@hazza940 ,

When you can come up with a sensible debate then perhaps we can discuss it.But whilst you persist in churning up the same old tired crap then I don't see much point! Bigots & homophobes like you are not really worth the effort!

[hazza940]

@popazz1 gays aent worth the effort u go and enjoy havin a shitty dick, hope u realise how disgusting u are and what a disgrace you are to this country

[popazz1]

@hazza940 ,Oh dear,is your poor little brain struggling with the concept of rational thought?! I'm a disgrace to this country,am I ?! So,what're YOU doing for this country that would make us all proud?! Seriously,pal,you haven't got anything to say that I haven't heard before,countless times,& from people who are way more eloquent than you! Now,off you go,kid,crawl back under your rock before your 'brain' fries!

[hazza940]

i can see what your saying but its not the natural thing to do.

[RobNorthampton]

@hazza940 It may *feel* unnatural to you because you are heterosexual, but homosexuality is completely natural to over 1400 documented species of the animal kingdom from fruit flies to lions. It has always been a part of nature and always will be. I'm sorry you seem to have such a problem with it.

[mynameisjonas45]

@hazza940 I think you mean not normal. I wouldn't say unnatural, but it's definitely not normal. Not saying it's bad from those statements though.

[hazza940]

really i dont think anyone should be gay its not natural it is actually disgusting and now kids are gay something is nor right with this world.

[RobNorthampton]

@hazza940 Well Harry, it's a shame that one so young as you should be so bigoted already. Saying, "I don't think anyone should be gay" is like saying, "I don't think anyone should be tall", or "I don't think anyone should be blue-eyed". People are the way they're made. There is great diversity in the human condition. Apparently, there are even some who can do backflips from a standing start.

[nsewx]

don't forget the medication they put kids on, anti-depressants and other behavior drugs. almost all of them have negative effects if you go off them cold turkey..

I had depression growing up and I never took anything to make it go away becasue it wouldn't fix the real problems. Most likely if someone goes crazy and hurts others before killing themselves they're on too much or off for too long from prescribed medication.

[RobNorthampton]

That's a very good point, nsewx. I am no stranger to depression, and I know that having tried most SSRIs, one or two can alter personality. At best they can make you zombified, and at worst can give mood swings across a whole range of emotions. I don't think they know enough about the human brain to just throw all manner of drugs at it, especially during its formative years.

Thanks for a very valid comment.

[Temptationstrikes]

4:33 - 4:43. About hearing parents speak negatively is indeed a big downer. When I hear my father talk about gays it's never good. It's always "faggots" and that nothing good comes from them. That just sends my mood so very down south.

[RobNorthampton]

Hi JD, and sorry to hear that about your father. A lack of education on the subject of sexuality leaves people to make up their minds from hearsay, rumours and lies. I hope that if and when you do manage to come out, that your father will be open enough to ask questions that you can answer, to negative assumptions he may already have. If you need to, check out my Coming Out series on my channel. Good luck! :-)

[Temptationstrikes]

I have such a great fear of rejection (Childhood stuff) I will probably be confined to my closet even after his death :-\

[kern0099]

Being pretty butch outwardly, I was never bullied much, and I liked older guys, (like Rob, lol) so didn't pay much attention to the in crowd, gay or straight. Now I've aged a bit and see the homophobia writ large on TV every day and at work etc..thanks for a great message Rob. HOpe you haven't been discouraged here on YouTube, I miss you haing new posts. Best of luck to you and Piers and Boo. :-)

[RobNorthampton]

Hi Adam, and thanks for commenting. I haven't been discouraged on YouTube. I'm afraid life just keeps getting in the way. I am working much longer hours, dog-walking and frisbee-throwing, and trying to do a complete garden makeover on my own while the weather's good. We're away on holiday tomorrow, but I must try to get back to YT soon. I have a couple of ideas 'on a low light' so I'll come back and cook them soon, and you'll have to endure my ugly mug once more! :-)

[kern0099]

I can't wait to see your brooding, craggy good looks once more! lol...

[seezinsmusic]

how you been doing buddY??

xoxooxo

seezins

[RobNorthampton]

I'm good thanks Seezins, and hope you are too! Thanks for commenting! :-)

[seezinsmusic]

thanks for the sweet comment. it just really do hurt i am going thru some depression thanks for keeping me hanging on.

xoxo

seezins

i love your vids

[fehquig]

Powerful vlog, Rob... Having been bullied while growing up, I know how it feels. For some it actually builds character and for others it brings on depression. Treating everyone well is the most important lesson in life. It's too bad that some parents don't take a more active role in teaching their children this lesson from day one, and it's equally bad that too many are ignorant of the warning signs of depression that you pointed out so clearly...

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks for the comments, Andy. It's a morbid topic I know, but it saddens me to think how hopeless these kids feel that they see no light at the end of the tunnel, and just want to blot out their daily anguish. As you say, parents don't always spot the signs. They are so busy with their own lives, and often teenagers are withdrawn anyway as they seek to find their own independence. Their folks often just leave them to it, sometimes with drastic results.

[FEYLADY21]

I am always so moved by your thoughts Rob , I have a son and he means the world to me. I don't know how I would have dealt with the news of his being gay,but I do know one thing , I love my son I LOVE HIM . Together we have grown he knows a part of me that nobody else ever see's and I hope that I hold a tiny part of his heart in my hand forever , just like he will always hold a part of mine . Being gay would never ever change my love for my boy ,LOVE DOES NOT CHANGE ..

[RobNorthampton]

Thank you so much for your kind words, Jill, and for your email. I will post that verse in the side column for others to read. It is very powerful. I am touched and moved by your empathy. I just wish more parents felt the same way that you do.

Hugs, Rob x

[TheraminTrees]

I'd like to see some serious time in the curriculum given over the social skills/training — to discuss how we relate to each other in society, and to really get children thinking deeply about these issues. School is apparently a preparation for society, so I don't know why it so often seems 'left to chance' whether they pick that stuff up or not. Great video Rob — good to see you ;8)

[RobNorthampton]

I totally understand what you're saying, L. Education should mean just that - not just a grasp of the academic, but a grounding of social skills too.

A little off topic, but on the same theme, I've always thought that first aid should also be compulsory. In an emergency, most people stand around with their mouths open, twiddling their thumbs and hoping the ambulance gets there quickly, not necessarily just to assist the victim, but also to allay their guilt at feeling so useless.

[Darkmaster77777]

Good video, so sad things like this still happen though.

[RobNorthampton]

Hopefully, homophobia will one day be eradicated. Things get a little better with each successive generation, so I hope you get to see many major changes for the better in your lifetime. Thanks for dropping by! :-)

[Darkmaster77777]

Yes, i can only hope it gets a lot better in my lifetime too, along with other thing unnecessarily hated of by many people. Thanks for making the great videos, keep up the good work!

[thechubby1]

It is so scary. Two tweens killed themselves over bullying. So sad. I'm glad that Hate Acts has passed the Senate.

[RobNorthampton]

As laws change, so do opinions. It takes time, but we can live in hopes, Branden. Thanks for commenting!

[AncientAtheist]

Stop Religious Dogma!

Do just that much and see how fast homophobia dwindles. Yes, it is widespread in society even beyond those who consider themselves religious. But the anti-gay memes start in religious communities and then spread.

America was founded among many devoutly religious people, continues to be an inordinately religious society and its memes are in the wider culture.

Good video, RobNorthampton. Excellent advice to parents and others.

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks for the comment, and I agree totally with you. When I was younger, although I was an atheist, I was prepared to ignore people who wanted to follow religion. I considered it was their lives they were wasting, so it was up to them. It's only more recently that I've come to realise how hateful and dangerous all religions are, especially to gay people. Hopefully, future generations will see common sense, and treat religion as some quaint superstition that people used to believe in...

[AncientAtheist]

Rob, I think a lot of us "old timers" have had a second look, in the past decade, at the pass we've generally given religion. So maybe something good DID come out the Bush Administration!

[Sikosm]

I was never made to feel that bad... I went to school with some homophobic people, but in general they were also friendly people (if that makes sense) and they never targeted me. They made gay jokes, and while i didn't like that, there wasn't really any malice behind them. Occasionally when the actual topic of homosexuality was brought up (as opposed to jokes or references things being "gay") some guys acted macho and were truly disgusted - but it was as tho gays were "out there" somewhere

[Sikosm]

i think that was probably due to it being a religious school that they couldn't believe that one of "their own" would really "choose" to be gay. Mind you, It wasn't easy for me being confused, insecure and in this intolerant environment, but because I was quiet I got by without any unrelenting bullying.

[RobNorthampton]

I think that homophobia is so entrenched in society that so many kids use anti-gay slurs without even necessarily thinking of sexuality. The fact that kids regularly use phrases like "That's so gay", or "You're so gay" *always* meaning something bad just goes to show how the word 'gay' has transformed and is now used as a cover-all for anything distasteful.

[RobNorthampton]

For a kid to then have to use the same word, and admit "I am gay" is an invitation to be treated as an object of derision and humour.

We need a new word! :-/

I'm pleased, however, that you got through school without the relentless taunting that some poor kids have to suffer. One American kid wrote to me to say that after coming out at school, even the teachers thought it was funny when he was picked on and called names.

[RobNorthampton]

On one occasion where this kid was being pushed back and forth between a group of bullies, a teacher appeared at the end of the corridor, witnessed the scene, then changed direction, pretending he'd seen nothing.

[Sikosm]

wow that's absolutely disgusting that a teacher would do that... wow... :-(

and to think the word "gay" used to mean happy

[newkillerstardust]

Rob, your videos should be available in every schools and libraries around the world.

Shame I'm not an editor, otherwise your material would be published if you agreed.

Thank you so much.

Hugs.

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks in return for you kind comments, nks! :-)

[RobLeepopart]

your videos must be a source of strenth to any lonely youth.

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks very much, Rob. YouTube has certainly given me the chance to interact and hopefully help some great kids who have had so much to overcome when trying to cope with their sexuality in a world that doesn't understand them.

[peepeevagi]

Many, many more must. Sadly.

You'd have to change the world before it stops.

[RobNorthampton]

Too true, Jake. I keep trying, even if it's only one opinion at a time. :-)

[peepeevagi]

Be a politician then.

Pass some laws, man! :D

[yescandles]

cont.

Not only was I loved because I was their child and it was their "duty" to love me. I was loved "the way I was". They laughed "with" me at my silliness and I felt my very "essence...who I was as a person" protected and encouraged. It was OK to be "me" in my home. I didn't realize until many years later what that really meant. It nourished my self esteem when the outside world was tearing it apart. Quite powerful for a child. I wish all parents of "different" children would embrace that.

[yescandles]

This video should be required viewing for ALL parents!I am so sorry to hear about Matt and all the other "lost" young people. Although it has been many years, I remember as though it were yesterday the bullying and badgering,the mental and physical abuse I personally experienced growing up in West Texas.I have asked myself many times how I made it through while so many give up.The only thing I can attribute it to would be my amazing, intelligent parents. Though strict, I always knew I was loved.

[RobNorthampton]

Thank you Michael! It saddens me every time I read of yet another young life snuffed out by homophobia. The bullies think it is just a bit of fun to pick on anyone they perceive as weaker, when in reality, their actions are tantamount to manslaughter. Society still has a long way to go. .

[RobNorthampton]

Personally, I was never bullied at school because I managed to keep my sexuality a secret for years, even to the point of dating a string of girls in the hope that just one of them would give me the same rush as just a smile from a cute guy. My efforts to 'fit in' were obviously doomed to failure, and I too am eternally grateful for my loving and supportive parents. I had pre-judged their reactions to my coming out, and I was completely wrong, thank goodness.

[RobNorthampton]

If the kids these days are subjected to more positive gay role models, they may slowly be able to form a better opinion of themselves, and hopefully avoid any more tragic deaths.

[yescandles]

My heart is so heavy with these horrible, tragic facts. Lately, it seems that hope is gone for so many of our young people. You Tube has been a rather skimpy but substitute nonetheless for my being around young people now that I am no longer teaching. I miss them. I enjoy watching their videos and getting a glimpse into their lives. They have so much to say...and to give. It saddens me when no one listens...especially to the ones crying out for help in our schools and in their homes.

[FangFiftyFive]

Sorry, I meant to say 4:30

It makes me queasy to listen to. To quote Tim O'Brien, it makes the stomach believe.

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks for your honest comments on the subject. I think that youth is so impressionable that they pick up on opinions from those around them. If their circle of family and friends ALL seem to hate any diversion from 100% hetero, the kid is left floundering and wondering which way to turn. It is very sad, and I fear will continue until homophobia is diminished. I'm very pleased you managed to ride the storm and came out a stronger person!

:-)

[FangFiftyFive]

...it's scary how accurate your description was, like someone was listing all my old thoughts and experiences in front of me, and concluding with, "and if you didn't find comfort in x, than this would have been you."

It invokes a strange mixture of fear, shock, and the feeling of good fortune.

Very powerful, thank you

[FangFiftyFive]

Well said. Your description of what happens from about 3:30 or so is spot on

Spells out a lot of my own thoughts that now seem ridiculous to me. After all these years, I look back and go, "How can it get that out of hand?" Now, I don't think of it as a big deal because I no longer make it out to be

It was a big deal because I surrounded myself with the wrong people, trying to "fit in"

I can't believe that's how I used to think, but it's true

All I can say is, why cause so many needless deaths?

[axelthecrow]

How sad news Rob... what can we do from our own homes?... or even out of our homes? what would you recommend us to do. I'm so sad about that, it makes me sick. How can one live knowing there's people around the world that kill themselves just because they are gay and do nothing about it? I mean, I wish I could stop suicide of all kinds, but this kind is closer to me, and maybe easier for me to "get to help"

[RobNorthampton]

Unfortunately, I fear that there's little we can do if we are not directly involved with kids or youth groups, and can put forward a positive message about diversity. On a larger scale, it is all about fighting homophobia wherever it shows its ugly face. If only that could be eradicated from our society, kids wouldn't grow up with such negative views about themselves.

[gilbertblaze]

Great Video Rob as always

so many gay youth are dying still and I been really wanted to do my part in helping maybe mentoring at the GLBT Community Center

[RobNorthampton]

I wish you much luck with it Gilbert. As it is, I think you are already a very positive role model for kids, and could have already changed some views just by your presence and opennness.

[gilbertblaze]

Thanks for the kind words Rob :)