"One of the things that prepares you for adult relationships is failing in younger relationships. And as you fail and gather up this resume of failure, eventually you reach a point where you are well-adjusted." thank-you.
hey Matt, its Britt from Fall Tour in Decatur. I love the way you told your story about love, very well done. It was def an aww moment when you said" Lauren was there." so sweet!! take care.
Hi Matt! I was at one of your shows this weekend, and it was soooo amazing to see you and meet you. I admire you so much. Congrats to you and Lauren x 1,000,000!!!
Matt, I am actually glad to see you wanting to step up and make decisions in you and Lauren's wedding. It is most definately a day for the both of you. I am super excited about the new blog project!!!! This will be awesome!
your spot on with the wedding being perceived as the 'girls thing' - I didn't want a wedding, I didn't want to spend $XX thousands of dollars on 6 hours, I didn't want the hassle of planning this day that I didn't want. Then my bf made a comment along the lines of 'all my brothers have had a wedding, and I would like one' and I realised that the wedding day is about two people and I need to take his views on board. So the plan is to have a wedding and to keep it small. All the best
I used to agree with you about the gender roles thing. Until I actually planned a wedding. My husband was quite involved in the planning process and very interested in it, but I still ended up doing way more of the work, getting way more of the stress, and doing way more of the planning. The bride gets all the pressure put on her to plan the "perfect day," but if you're wedding sucks, no one ever blames the groom. It's really stupid, but it happens, even if you don't subscribe to gender roles.
This was so cute, and really interesting. I'm in my last year of high school, and I think my story is going to be pretty similar to yours: crushes, failures, unrequited love, etc.
Ah well. :(
And I know your wedding will be awesome, and it's for both of you. Whether it's huge or small, it'll be nice.
Hi Matt! I'm really glad that you brought up gender stereotypes and social expectations in weddings (and marriage, for that matter) because it is so interesting even though it can be frustrating too. I'm very interested in gender and gender roles and it's so nice to see someone talking about it. A lot of my friend have recently married or are planning and it is really fascinating to see how each couple addresses the wedding and who does what. Anyway, great video and looking forward to more!
The wedding thing goes the other way too. My mom really didn't want a big deal about it, she even said she was dreading the whole fiasco. It was my dad that insisted he wanted things done right, but maybe in a more private setting so she wasn't too pressured.
I think for SOM guys, they're just happy to be getting maried and let the woman have their day, but not all guys are like that, and I think it's pretty awesome you're so involved :)
I feel ya Matt, I liked a girl in second grade and I knocked her over to show her. She sprained her wrist :-(
When I got married, I did more than just nod my head, I went on all the reception hall visits, menu discussions, etc. But when it came down to it, I mostly just stuffed envelopes and licked stamps because I was just happy to marry the most amazing person I ever knew. It could have been on a street corner, and I would not have cared.
A wedding is a symbol, two people coming together publicly before loved ones to say "our two separate lives are going to be one life together now." So I think it makes sense that the ceremony really represents both sides. If I ever get married, I'd hope my husband would want to be involved in planning too. But then I also know many girls who buy wedding magazines when they're in middle school and have had the whole thing plotted out for years, and guys who could care less. Depends on the people.
@eruanna317 I think "depends on the people" sums it up well. In my case, I'm thinking "how can we make this really fun for our friends?" and that's pretty much guiding all of my decisions. :)
The subject of gender roles in wedding planning fascinates me, because I have had a couple of lovely guy friends and have female friends who have married some lovely guys, but in each case, even where the woman was not all that into wedding planning, she was still more into it or did more than the guy did. But when my 2 brothers, who are very different & live on different continents, got married, they both had more definite opinions on the planning of their weddings than their brides!
@sepiasunrise The weird thing is that my Dad isn't like that at all. They are also both super-romantic [also not what my Dad is known for], so my Mum and I were surprised. The only thing I can think of is that they went to a primary [elementary] school that was very focussed on gender equality. I'm also not sure if I should be more surprised by my brothers involvement in planning their weddings or that other guys are less involved?
I do think the cultural assumptions are less to do with perceptions of gender in love and romance and more to do with perceptions of gender and detail, and the perception of weddings as being about frills, lace, pastel colours, clothes, etc, which are perceived as feminine.
@sepiasunrise There are definitely things that Lauren is more concerned with than I am (color schemes, table decorations, etc.) and things that I am more concerned with than she is (music, food, etc.), but we're both equally engaged in planning the really important stuff (the ceremony). I get what you're saying -- but I think gender perceptions about love are consistent with gender perceptions about other things.
@thewhompingwillows That's true when you put it like that. I wonder why so many people just swallow it whole? I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of ways that I do that too, but why was your reaction and my brothers' so different from many guys? I know a friend of a friend who's now husband was more into it all than her, but many people seem to fit the stereotype. Why? Maybe I should ask a few guys who weren't so interested in it, to see what they say...
@sepiasunrise I'd be willing to bet that many guys legitimately aren't interested in the details, but I bet there are some who are and just feel uncomfortable expressing that interest. As for me, I was raised by a single mother during my pre-teen and teenage years, so... yeah, I think that explains some of my insistence on equality. :)
@sepiasunrise It boiled down to two things for me. 1. I've never been very good at "ceremony" and/or calling attention to myself. My wife LOVES being the center of attention. So, she had more ideas, and wants, from the wedding than me. 2. My wife is also more "take charge" than me on a daily basis. Ad the fuel of a wedding, and I was quickly thrown into "support crew". I still injected my opinions, but for most of it I just did what I was told.
Matt, I think you are confusing the marriage and the wedding. The wedding is about making things look nice for a day or maybe a weekend and matching up to a deeply held dream if that's important. The marriage is about love and sharing and communicating. Interestingly the wedding is one of the early tests in a marriage. Good luck!
@Tribid I'm talking about both. The wedding is a logistical challenge due to many factors, and we're each taking an active role in its planning. That process requires love and sharing and communication, especially due to some unforeseen obstacles. But that stuff is too personal for YouTube. :)
Both my parents had a say in their wedding. And I think it depends on the situation of the couple like if the bride has been planning the wedding since before they met and made color choices she is not going to want to change them vs. a wonderful girl like Lauren who I don't think starred really planning till you proposed.
@italktosnakes I know, right? If you shrunk down a few inches, gained 100 pounds, grew a beard, cut your hair short, dyed it dirty blonde, put in some brown contacts, and had facial reconstructive surgery, YOU'D LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ME. SO WEIRD!
One of my volleyball coaches got married a few weeks ago - he was bawling, and his wife only got teary. So that's not to say that Lauren won't cry - but men definitely sometimes get more emotional about weddings.
I think it's so cool that you talked about how all the failures you have in romance prepare you to be the best at having an mature relationship. I was just having this conversation with my young friend and decided to blog about it. I completely agree! Can't wait to watch where this project goes!
Heh, I've actually been quite eh...anti on the subject primarily because most people or at least what seems like 'most' people peer pressure others over them. In general I just don't like topic of relationships or anything that comes with it, my belief it's between you, whoever your with and maybe a close friend. I might be a bit too socialized to make any sort of calls on it but that's pretty much what I've learned.
Matt, thank you so much for this. I'm so glad to hear someone else saying exactly what I've been thinking about for a loooong time. I would love to see more gender dialogues among the YT/HP community, and I think this is a great start! =]
My cousin (who is a guy) had just about as much input on his wedding as his wife did. They're both very creative and did a lot of it themselves (decorations, cake toppers, she made her dress, he designed/built a photobooth). I think you should both be able to plan the wedding! Sure, you might have to compromise, but so might Lauren. I don't see why a wedding should be any different than the rest of life!
When I saw you were going to be talking about gender roles, I expected it to be more like what my writing class has been talking about gender roles (in regard to the novel /Madame Bovary/). But what you bring up about gender and love is really interesting. Almost more interesting, in my opinion, because it's a new idea to me.
Thanks for this message Matt. I truly appreciate you supporting love over gender. Love is the most important. And how can I be prepared for future relationships when i haven't had one relationship as a 17 year old?
I just got married last December, and I guess my (actual) advice to both of you is to not fret about the details. It's the day you celebrate your love and you want everything to be perfect, for sure, but at the end of the day you won't even care about what kind of flowers you had at the reception, or what the bridesmaids hair looked like, or how much food was left over. All you will think about is how happy you are. Try to keep that perspective as you are planning, and don't get stressed out.
"One of the things that prepares you for adult relationships is failing in younger relationships. And as you fail and gather up this resume of failure, eventually you reach a point where you are well-adjusted." thank-you.
MoulinCool 1 year ago
hey Matt, its Britt from Fall Tour in Decatur. I love the way you told your story about love, very well done. It was def an aww moment when you said" Lauren was there." so sweet!! take care.
potterfanatic08 1 year ago
Hi Matt! I was at one of your shows this weekend, and it was soooo amazing to see you and meet you. I admire you so much. Congrats to you and Lauren x 1,000,000!!!
Snakegirls21 1 year ago
Matt, I am actually glad to see you wanting to step up and make decisions in you and Lauren's wedding. It is most definately a day for the both of you. I am super excited about the new blog project!!!! This will be awesome!
cadillacblues14 1 year ago
your spot on with the wedding being perceived as the 'girls thing' - I didn't want a wedding, I didn't want to spend $XX thousands of dollars on 6 hours, I didn't want the hassle of planning this day that I didn't want. Then my bf made a comment along the lines of 'all my brothers have had a wedding, and I would like one' and I realised that the wedding day is about two people and I need to take his views on board. So the plan is to have a wedding and to keep it small. All the best
Vehs 1 year ago
1. THIS VLOG IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. I'm so glad I decided to watch these videos.
2. I really like the idea of love being gender neutralizing. You always have really awesome thoughts, Matt. Win.
KarlSolenoidIV 1 year ago
I used to agree with you about the gender roles thing. Until I actually planned a wedding. My husband was quite involved in the planning process and very interested in it, but I still ended up doing way more of the work, getting way more of the stress, and doing way more of the planning. The bride gets all the pressure put on her to plan the "perfect day," but if you're wedding sucks, no one ever blames the groom. It's really stupid, but it happens, even if you don't subscribe to gender roles.
RachaelF27 1 year ago
I am really excited about this channel.
shaylaluna 1 year ago
This was so cute, and really interesting. I'm in my last year of high school, and I think my story is going to be pretty similar to yours: crushes, failures, unrequited love, etc.
Ah well. :(
And I know your wedding will be awesome, and it's for both of you. Whether it's huge or small, it'll be nice.
Yay, I'm excited about this channel.
kira902k 1 year ago
Matt... wonderful! Thanks for sharing. I especially like your quote at 2:41 : "Love renders factors, like gender, irrelevant." Very insightful :)
slappyrad 1 year ago
Hi Matt! I'm really glad that you brought up gender stereotypes and social expectations in weddings (and marriage, for that matter) because it is so interesting even though it can be frustrating too. I'm very interested in gender and gender roles and it's so nice to see someone talking about it. A lot of my friend have recently married or are planning and it is really fascinating to see how each couple addresses the wedding and who does what. Anyway, great video and looking forward to more!
meljaina 1 year ago
It's your wedding, too! You should definitely have a say. If a girl wants a woman's day, celebrate her birthday. I'm glad that you think like me.
Semzi10 1 year ago
The wedding thing goes the other way too. My mom really didn't want a big deal about it, she even said she was dreading the whole fiasco. It was my dad that insisted he wanted things done right, but maybe in a more private setting so she wasn't too pressured.
GinnyEllenEmma 1 year ago
Yaaaaay Matt *waves*
I think for SOM guys, they're just happy to be getting maried and let the woman have their day, but not all guys are like that, and I think it's pretty awesome you're so involved :)
Sally xx
5girls5minutes 1 year ago
A Sociological study proved that men are actually more romantic than women.
chelseariffic 1 year ago
I feel ya Matt, I liked a girl in second grade and I knocked her over to show her. She sprained her wrist :-(
When I got married, I did more than just nod my head, I went on all the reception hall visits, menu discussions, etc. But when it came down to it, I mostly just stuffed envelopes and licked stamps because I was just happy to marry the most amazing person I ever knew. It could have been on a street corner, and I would not have cared.
creeveycrisis 1 year ago
@creeveycrisis Aw. You're gonna make me cry. :D I feel the same way about my situation, but I'm also excited about the open bar. haha
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
@thewhompingwillows Open bar.. huh.. wuh? ;)
lonck 1 year ago
A wedding is a symbol, two people coming together publicly before loved ones to say "our two separate lives are going to be one life together now." So I think it makes sense that the ceremony really represents both sides. If I ever get married, I'd hope my husband would want to be involved in planning too. But then I also know many girls who buy wedding magazines when they're in middle school and have had the whole thing plotted out for years, and guys who could care less. Depends on the people.
eruanna317 1 year ago
@eruanna317 I think "depends on the people" sums it up well. In my case, I'm thinking "how can we make this really fun for our friends?" and that's pretty much guiding all of my decisions. :)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
The subject of gender roles in wedding planning fascinates me, because I have had a couple of lovely guy friends and have female friends who have married some lovely guys, but in each case, even where the woman was not all that into wedding planning, she was still more into it or did more than the guy did. But when my 2 brothers, who are very different & live on different continents, got married, they both had more definite opinions on the planning of their weddings than their brides!
sepiasunrise 1 year ago
@sepiasunrise The weird thing is that my Dad isn't like that at all. They are also both super-romantic [also not what my Dad is known for], so my Mum and I were surprised. The only thing I can think of is that they went to a primary [elementary] school that was very focussed on gender equality. I'm also not sure if I should be more surprised by my brothers involvement in planning their weddings or that other guys are less involved?
sepiasunrise 1 year ago
I do think the cultural assumptions are less to do with perceptions of gender in love and romance and more to do with perceptions of gender and detail, and the perception of weddings as being about frills, lace, pastel colours, clothes, etc, which are perceived as feminine.
sepiasunrise 1 year ago
@sepiasunrise There are definitely things that Lauren is more concerned with than I am (color schemes, table decorations, etc.) and things that I am more concerned with than she is (music, food, etc.), but we're both equally engaged in planning the really important stuff (the ceremony). I get what you're saying -- but I think gender perceptions about love are consistent with gender perceptions about other things.
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
@thewhompingwillows That's true when you put it like that. I wonder why so many people just swallow it whole? I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of ways that I do that too, but why was your reaction and my brothers' so different from many guys? I know a friend of a friend who's now husband was more into it all than her, but many people seem to fit the stereotype. Why? Maybe I should ask a few guys who weren't so interested in it, to see what they say...
sepiasunrise 1 year ago
@sepiasunrise I'd be willing to bet that many guys legitimately aren't interested in the details, but I bet there are some who are and just feel uncomfortable expressing that interest. As for me, I was raised by a single mother during my pre-teen and teenage years, so... yeah, I think that explains some of my insistence on equality. :)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
@sepiasunrise It boiled down to two things for me. 1. I've never been very good at "ceremony" and/or calling attention to myself. My wife LOVES being the center of attention. So, she had more ideas, and wants, from the wedding than me. 2. My wife is also more "take charge" than me on a daily basis. Ad the fuel of a wedding, and I was quickly thrown into "support crew". I still injected my opinions, but for most of it I just did what I was told.
lonck 1 year ago
@lonck Zabet is a powerhouse! :D
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
@thewhompingwillows She's mighty, mighty!
lonck 1 year ago
Matt, I think you are confusing the marriage and the wedding. The wedding is about making things look nice for a day or maybe a weekend and matching up to a deeply held dream if that's important. The marriage is about love and sharing and communicating. Interestingly the wedding is one of the early tests in a marriage. Good luck!
Tribid 1 year ago
@Tribid I'm talking about both. The wedding is a logistical challenge due to many factors, and we're each taking an active role in its planning. That process requires love and sharing and communication, especially due to some unforeseen obstacles. But that stuff is too personal for YouTube. :)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
Both my parents had a say in their wedding. And I think it depends on the situation of the couple like if the bride has been planning the wedding since before they met and made color choices she is not going to want to change them vs. a wonderful girl like Lauren who I don't think starred really planning till you proposed.
hpmanders 1 year ago
I thought I was looking in a mirror for a second there, weeeeird.
italktosnakes 1 year ago 6
@italktosnakes I know, right? If you shrunk down a few inches, gained 100 pounds, grew a beard, cut your hair short, dyed it dirty blonde, put in some brown contacts, and had facial reconstructive surgery, YOU'D LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ME. SO WEIRD!
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
My first grade crush Eric H. He still doesn't know who I am.
15 years married to my better half, with a few bumps, marriage isn't always a love song, but it totally beats middle school <3 this project!
p.s. we skipped the wedding thing, did the Vegas/Elvis thing, way easier, weddings seem like a lot of work...
tinaolson 1 year ago
Ah. I always enjoy a good Matt story! Well done.
notmonica 1 year ago
@notmonica FYI: One of my secret motivations for this collab is to restart our story exchange from the recent past. ;)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
One of my volleyball coaches got married a few weeks ago - he was bawling, and his wife only got teary. So that's not to say that Lauren won't cry - but men definitely sometimes get more emotional about weddings.
High school romances = bad. End of story.
P.S. I'm super excited about this channel!
abbs866 1 year ago
Congrats on your engagement! Yay gender equality!
I wish middle school could be erased from my memory...and the memories of my peers haha.
abug3210 1 year ago
I think it's so cool that you talked about how all the failures you have in romance prepare you to be the best at having an mature relationship. I was just having this conversation with my young friend and decided to blog about it. I completely agree! Can't wait to watch where this project goes!
RockOutBritty 1 year ago
Really interesting video Matt, and the ending made me "awww" because you guys are so cute :] Cant wait for more of the project!!!
lunatunarox 1 year ago
Awww poor first grade Matt. Great start to the project, and I'm looking forward to more!
Malallory 1 year ago
Heh, I've actually been quite eh...anti on the subject primarily because most people or at least what seems like 'most' people peer pressure others over them. In general I just don't like topic of relationships or anything that comes with it, my belief it's between you, whoever your with and maybe a close friend. I might be a bit too socialized to make any sort of calls on it but that's pretty much what I've learned.
morphor 1 year ago
Awesome awesome awesome, Matt.
I think you should definitely be as involved in wedding-planning as Lauren. I should be 100% about the two of you as a unit, not individuals.
Can't wait to see what else this project holds!
newandhorrible 1 year ago
hey matt, how are the wedding plans coming along??
oneandonlytiffy 1 year ago
@oneandonlytiffy Fine, thank you! :)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
@thewhompingwillows really no hitches yet? i will to ask you again in 6 months and we will see...
oneandonlytiffy 1 year ago
Resume of failure? But how will I fit it all on one page? :P
This was lovely. <3
Sarawkweird 1 year ago
Matt, thank you so much for this. I'm so glad to hear someone else saying exactly what I've been thinking about for a loooong time. I would love to see more gender dialogues among the YT/HP community, and I think this is a great start! =]
thekangaroofish 1 year ago
My cousin (who is a guy) had just about as much input on his wedding as his wife did. They're both very creative and did a lot of it themselves (decorations, cake toppers, she made her dress, he designed/built a photobooth). I think you should both be able to plan the wedding! Sure, you might have to compromise, but so might Lauren. I don't see why a wedding should be any different than the rest of life!
lynxdaemonskye 1 year ago
When I saw you were going to be talking about gender roles, I expected it to be more like what my writing class has been talking about gender roles (in regard to the novel /Madame Bovary/). But what you bring up about gender and love is really interesting. Almost more interesting, in my opinion, because it's a new idea to me.
numbersandnotes 1 year ago
Great first video, Matt! Those are some interesting things to think about.
twinkletoes121 1 year ago
Matt, this is great. I'd never really thought of it that way.
thenerdhugger 1 year ago
Resume of failure? I love that idea. Now let's go eat bugs.
tiicklemyfancy 1 year ago
Thanks for this message Matt. I truly appreciate you supporting love over gender. Love is the most important. And how can I be prepared for future relationships when i haven't had one relationship as a 17 year old?
OrangeZest100 1 year ago
@OrangeZest100 My best advice is to wait until you're in your 20s. :)
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
I just got married last December, and I guess my (actual) advice to both of you is to not fret about the details. It's the day you celebrate your love and you want everything to be perfect, for sure, but at the end of the day you won't even care about what kind of flowers you had at the reception, or what the bridesmaids hair looked like, or how much food was left over. All you will think about is how happy you are. Try to keep that perspective as you are planning, and don't get stressed out.
trebekahx 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
So, besides buffalo wings, what do you want at your wedding?
chocolatecauldrons 1 year ago
@chocolatecauldrons Haha. I'd talk about it here, but I don't want to spoil future videos. :D
thewhompingwillows 1 year ago
Aww, Matt, that was lovely.
Also, lifelong dream to be Kristina Horner? Yes. Mine too.
mandamedieval 1 year ago 5
@mandamedieval aw shucks.
italktosnakes 1 year ago
A great first video, Matt!
I'm sick of gender roles, too. *sigh*
firnantok 1 year ago
Great opinions MAtt!
Bihmerson 1 year ago
Comment removed
Bihmerson 1 year ago
I'm so excited for this project! Great first video Matt, I'll be watching for more :]
JessWavesHello 1 year ago