The Chronicles of Chris-chan: Sonichu's Edge [12/3/09]

[samurai0rezurii]

Even the best of runners have to pause to take a breath? Not from running for less than 5 minutes, they don't.

[CorporateG0th]

@samurai0rezurii

I don't know, this is Chris' first attempt. And was it running or sprinting? Going by the steps I'd say running, but for Chris this could well be sprinting.

[samurai0rezurii]

@CorporateG0th Well, I guess we should just feel happy for the poor people he passed, that he wasn't wearing one of his muscle bras or something.

[NorwegianCommie]

Mirrors Edge:Fucktard Edition!

[somecrazywhore]

Fore the love of god, somebody make a mirror's edge mod for this.

[JadeGlasses]

I have a friend who lives in Virginia. She calls it "Vagina."

[BlizzardtheWolf97]

IT'S JUST RUNNING HNNNNGG

[TakuraLioness]

It's funny cause at the beginning he already seems to be out of breath

[Octary]

I guess he didn't do any jumping because he didn't see any Red platform guides.

[theVEGANdinosaur]

parkour.... did you mean running?

[VotiveVendetta]

Y'know, this makes me feel a bit better about how I couldn't complete my mile run in under nine minutes.

I can't believe he thinks this is parkour.

[PheonixChan]

I would have loved to have been there

[pottedfern666]

Jesus. With the sight of this brightly-garbed manchild barrelling breathlessly through the shopping streets of Charlottesville wearing a strange animal-head medallion, i'm surprised more people didn't just assume he was pursuing his latest hapless rape-victim.

[SomeBlokeLol]

Oh how fucking embarrassing to be seen doing this, with what he's wearing, the way he must be running and the fact he's recording it

[LisaChuUK]

He can't run very fast.. :/

[smile221]

Time spent running without rests (between jump cuts):

49 seconds

29 seconds

27 seconds

35 seconds

21 seconds

21 seconds

Of course, that's what you expect, even from the best runner

[TakuraLioness]

lol I bet everybody that saw him there was like 'wtf was that about? o_O' 

[Killerthewolfdog]

I feel bad for everybody passing him.

What a shame, since that town looks like a nice place to live.

[pythonnews]

Run Fat Boy, Run!!!!!

[ThaAznable]

ROLLIN' AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

[BoukenCrimson]

I'm surprised he didn't have a heart attack.

[MrSweettongue]

This is a left 4 dead player playing as Boomer.

[Pictoron]

Commoners' Reactions: Oh, there goes the village idiot again

[SteveeAlbino]

He should of called the video Retards Edge

[R4INYD4Y]

i'm amazed he didn't have a stroke and/or heart attack from his little sissy jog.

[HarharHagrid]

Just compare him to how he is now. He used to be so polite! What happened?

[Halberd96]

'Why is there a fat autistic man with a retarded medallion running around with a camera'

[BartekCorporation]

The closest we'll ever get to a CWC first person shooter

[baconkong]

I gotta say, I didn't think he would be able to run for that long.

[Udany147]

@baconkong the video does cut several times whilst he stops for 5 (or 15) minute breathers.

[AXSR388]

GOTTA GO FAST

[koopa64z]

would have been slightly impressed if there had not been at least 5 brakes in-between his little 4 min run

[Lichtenhammer]

@MrFluffyRedGyarados Let's just hope one of those niggos turns out to be a cwcki agent with a camera.

[MrFluffyRedGyarados]

He's gonna be doing a lot of Parkay in prison. Running from all those niggos trying to rape him.

[Christhefireshark]

Shakycam, anyone? Chris could be a professional cinematographer.

[MorshuTheShopKeeper]

No really, this guy needs to get laid, BIG TIME

[TLK500]

@MorshuTheShopKeeper It'll never happen though

[HeyItsMeChadWarden]

This is what Chris would do if he had a chance to get china and his car broke down.

[sirpico123]

isnt parquet or parkay meant to be something like madonna`s video "jump"?

[PraecoNoctis]

even the guy in Halo runs faster than this

[somename69]

That must have scared everyone to see him darting towards them

[CorporateG0th]

In all fairness, for his endurance this was a brief but valid workout. Now if he just turns this into a stable regimen he could improve his health.

Admittedly it would've been funnier if we saw the camera tumble down onto the ground along with his arm as he goes into cardiac arrest.

[MrToastOmnomnom]

@CorporateG0th

I almost pissed myself at the idea of that!

[LordAzanko]

@CorporateG0th hahahaha!

[Er0y]

@CorporateG0th I counted 5 different jump cuts where he sat down and took a break. Don't be fooled. He wouldn't really give this much effort in one go.

[fighter009]

I can't watch this with becoming physicality ill.

[PixelGenMedia]

stepping off a curb is not parkour you fat sweaty nonce.

[Spacenuggetcadet]

Gosh, I wonder what people thought when they saw that running around all like ape-shit crazy...

[dylan697]

hes big ,hes round, he jumbles on the ground, its chris chan!!!

[dylan697]

hes big ,hes round, he jumbles on the ground, its chris chan!!!

[Simpsonsfan1011]

Can u upload sonichu babies

[Poever]

I'd say he was partially doing this in response to Kacey's father's retort that he couldn't run five miles. Turns out he was riiiiight/

[DelaTova]

Let's play a game and count all the dirty looks from those that disapprove of Chris Chan's very publicized appearance on this tape

[DelaTova]

"RUN FORREST.....I MEAN, RUN FUCKTARD, RUN!!!!"

[SpindashShoryuken]

Anyone else notice he keeps doing DOWN steps? Real effort there, Chris, ol' chap.

[TheUltimaXtreme]

1:32 Had to turn an image into the next area, aka LOADING

1:54 Warped with magic

2:26 Loading again

3:00 Loading

3:21 Load

3:41 Ing

It's like Sonic 06 and Mirror's Edge bank a sperm cell, and at the cost of framerate, loads the next part in the background... Yay?

P.S. Obviously, not a game, I know, shut up.

[SinDawg030]

Just imagine the looks on the faces of the innocent bystanders faces when a fat, sweaty manchild waddled past, utterly exhausted by a minute of exertion.

[hfcworld2]

i dont think chris doesnt know what parkay is

[Sassafrasishxc]

Anyone else find it ironic that he lives in VIRGINia?

[takuadude666]

PFFF

I love how he says even the best have to take breaks, Im one of the lesser runners and I do 13 miles a day without stopping. Faggot

[ZealSeraph]

Run Forrest, run!

[AlucardRawks]

Awww, I thought he was gonna jump off the building at the end. My dreams have been crushed!! D:

[rlane13]

mirrors edge 2 confirmed

[truthaddict11]

Makes me feel much better about my running distance, I can only go 2 1/2 miles before I need to slow down

[truthaddict11]

@truthaddict11 by slow down I mean turn into a brisk walk for about a quarter mile

[m0l0b0l0]

Chris looks like a pedophile. Having Chris 'run' in public doesn't sound like a good idea.

[AGanimeH]

DId I just watch some fat dude run?

[JohnMooreification]

@AGanimeH Not just any fat dude. It's Chris!

[SMWhit3out]

THIS GUYS GONA HURT HIMSELF

[xalener]

Mirror's edge 2 footage

[Popanator2010]

Typical autistic exercising like they do!

[lukeyboy118]

there's like 5 scene skips in this vid... chris is one lazy bastard...

[DICEBOY22]

............... no comment

[RobotwarsKing]

"I AM QUICK"

[TonyBMan]

2:57....IF ONLY THAT BUS HAD MOVED FORWARDS, CHRIS-CHAN WOULD BE NO MOAR!!!!

[JohnMooreification]

TRUE AND HONEST descendant of Ezio Autismtore.

[argiepoo]

He calls that 'running'? I move faster when I walk. Scratch that, I move faster when I sitting down.

[AMIIZix]

lollllllll

[mof4k1999]

In his head im sure he thinks he soo awesome after this.

[pinklemonadepirate]

Y'know...the town is actually quite pretty. If his tits didn't flap so much when he ran, maybe we could actually get a good look at it.

[HillDueceua]

"Hello fans"

crickets: hey chris! 

[ChuWanggAmes]

@HillDueceua no

"Hello fans"

Air:SHUT UP

[videogamenostalgia]

Meanwhile, in Virginia...

[r0cKsT4r177]

You can tell he isn't running fast because a fast person would have too much movement and blur the camera.

[444Tazer]

THERE WAS NO PARKOUR! IT WAS FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES OF HIM RUNNING LIKE AN IDIOT!!!

(Caps means I'm sper sreos.)

[Iohelle]

Parkay, the amerikan art of running in circles like a looney and stop for breathers.

[sexhaie]

behold: chris' excerise of the year.

[DerMorphy]

Imagine you live there, have no idea who Chris is and suddenly, he comes running by when you're just out shopping or something. I don't know if I'd just stare or if I'd start laughing at him. :D

[ZharekRaldeesh]

If only Mirror's Edge played like this. Then it wouldn't be so overlooked. This is phenomenal.

[TonyBMan]

@ZharekRaldeesh I heard Chris-chan was going to be DLC for Mirror's Edge for teh PSTriple, but he didn't make the beta since he kept dying on every building jump, and he had to take numerous breaks.

[DragonLS]

Once the Zombie Apocolypse comes, Chris-chan will be the first to die, since I doubt he could outrun a zombie to save his life.

[angrybull]

@DragonLS Would a zombie even want to touch him. He probably smells worse than they do.

[HillDueceua]

@DragonLS duhhh... Chris is the first case of the infection. 

[FullMetalSatomi]

LOLOL. PARKAY .XD

[halfling2]

I can crawl faster than he runs.

[FFS1NICO]

imagine seeing this if you never knew about chris-chan. what would you think?

[sexhaie]

chris' excerise for the year

[stelkin656]

Stats of breaks

Br.1 after 48 sec

Br.2 after 28 sec

Br.3 after 27 sec

Br.4 after 55 sec(aww, SO close to a minute)

Conclusion: He can't run for shit.

And it's "Pakour" Not "parkay" that's a brand of butter.

[silentblacklist]

"Not even the best runner"? Im sorry Chris, but when a 260 pound asmatic with a knee injury can run better than you, an olympic runner you are not

[TonyBMan]

Mirror's Edge 2: Retard Fl0w

[FFS1NICO]

EA Sports presends: Tard Runner.

[TonyBMan]

@FFS1NICO i died. lolololol

[gerardz101]

THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING INTENSE AS FUCK!

[Kamikuru77]

parkour is for newfags

[thereaIblackcerberus]

I wonder if he thinks we don't notice the jump cuts every few seconds.

[murrrrrgles]

At least he's doing better than I can... :(

[HillDueceua]

@murrrrrgles are you in a fucking iron lung? I mean did you even watch the same fiasco we all just did?

[murrrrrgles]

@HillDueceua I'm being self-deprecating.

At least I have a much healthier diet.

I dunno, I try to be a little sympathetic towards Chris-chan.

[Staack117]

I can only imagine how hilarious it must have been to see Baby Huey running around in public, with his face beet red and sucking air like he's about to die. I'd be shocked if there weren't a few reports of an escaped mental patient on the loose, that day.

[ancroth]

Well, it certainly made me nauseous like mirror's edge did.

[Athils]

At 2:54 he runs in front of a vehicle. We almost lost a manchild to his stupid idea.

[captainghey]

I'm not sure what times he CRAPPED his BRIEFS in this video. It could have been any time he was running, really.

[GreatNegus]

Chris took 2 breaks in the span of 1:18....Remember to subtract 42 seconds from his time(the intro), and add 5:00 each time he takes a break (how long he most likely rested at each jump-cut)

[RetroZombieee]

I bet this looked very eerie from the pedestrians point of view.

[CKO92]

Uh, isn't the correct term "parkour"?

[InuSama95]

@CKO92 You're new, aren't you?

[thereaIblackcerberus]

@CKO92 Implying Chris-Chan is ever correct

[VegetarianLyfe]

"I may have to stop to catch my breath, but that's expected from the best runner"

No it's not Chris. Real runners train so they can run MILES without stopping. You didn't make it 500 feet and you probably sat on your fat ass and had some navy-Fanta to help quench your thirst.

Fatass.

[SeanStrife]

Seriously, I wanna go up to wherever Chris just ran and do some REAL parkour here.

[swantonkid50]

This video is presented in Chris Chan vision.

[Makingnewnamesisdumb]

I wonder what people were thinking when they saw him do this. I also wonder how many people recognized him.

[TheSpiralDownward]

I was kinda hoping he'd trip.

[icbinavgnify]

This isnt so much "Parkour" as it is "Run about in the most asinine way possible to make me look like the biggest weirdo in the entire Southeastern United States"

[ferretgeneralken]

Can you imagine seeing this fat autistic manchild running through the mall!?? :D everyone must have laughed after he went past them.

[egobrane]

Life through the eyes of the sonichu medallion.

[TheSpiralDownward]

@egobrane

I bet it's hell. :c

[Shadowthrone08]

I'm a skinnyfag and I can't run much without having to catch my breath early on.

Chris-Chan would make me look like an olympic champion... once again, the fat retard has made me feel a shitload better about myself.

[SeanStrife]

@Shadowthrone08 At least you're not a 27-28 year old virgin.

[luckystrikebrand1983]

@Shadowthrone08 I think that is why he came in to existence...

[barneysixx]

@Shadowthrone08 thats not much of a compliment to yourself

...sadly



[MrAnimeviewer2000]

oh no stairs the fatties worst nightmare

[soilwork121]

Chris?....Running?!...Somethin­g doesn't seem right here.

[nonostaystraight]

Chris I run 5 miles a day, I'm not the best runner but I can assure you I dont need to take a break every 3 fucking seconds

[KayBirDee]

He started breathing hard 10 SECONDS after he started! And this isn't even running here, it's borderline jogging!

[EpcotFan]

Oh god i'm so confused, what the fuck did i just watch?

[Krbyfan1]

This isnt so much "Parkour" as it is "Run about in the most asinine way possible to make me look like the biggest weirdo in the entire Southeastern United States"

[portal1337]

parkay XD

[TheSilentWyvern]

So...when does he parkour?

[rolocker]

Autisms Edge.

[videogamenostalgia]

Chris is like the Anti-Forrest Gump. He's a high-functioning autistic too, but whereas everything in Forrest's life went well, Chris just fucked up royally...

Run Forrest, run...

[Revenantspecter]

@videogamenostalgia I would love to see Forest Gump kick Chris's buttocks

[TheSilentWyvern]

@videogamenostalgia Run Chris, run!

Seriously...keep running, far away. Don't ever stop. Ever.

[SA20Anonymous]

I'm suprised that no one got hypnotised from his bouncing man boobs...

[karleksvenska]

Parkay is butter....which he must have eaten plain before attempting this pointless mission.

[Ooabloka]

It's like one of those creepy science fiction films where you go into another person's mind and see what they're seeing.

[zeedog14]

I think Chris needs to know that Parkour involves not only just running but climbing obsticles and jumping! but he's too lazy for that.

[elementpollo]

where the clips cut is where he stops to breathe

[zeedog14]

parkay?! it's parKOUR!!!!

[halowarrior1000]

@zeedog14 Parkay is a frnech brand of butter you hear in one video. XD

[IRAwEsOmE]

if i saw someone looking like this running down the street towards me i would have crossed the street to avoid some of the grease...

[thebladezmanII]

I'm surprised the fat fuck got as far as he did.....

[AkamuSlayer]

i dont understand, is this the special olympics?

[Kynergy]

Oh my God the creature has escaped...

[tw1stedgrudge]

Charlottesville looks a lot like a well known Danish seaside village I've been to.

GET YOUR OWN FUCKING CULTURE

OMFG WTF

[desertgod]

Chris chan The video game, you run around town creating as much fear and confusion as possible, and the stairs are the first boss!

[tw1stedgrudge]

@desertgod More like the first step is the first boss, the second step is the second boss, the third step is the third boss and so on, amirite?

[desertgod]

@tw1stedgrudge I was thinking endless boss forms or endless quick time events, but yours would have probably been more player friendly being allowed to save in between.

[tw1stedgrudge]

@desertgod In effect, a "lazy" game which doesnt involve as much constant movement of the fingers, something someone as lazy as Chris will thoroughly enjoy playing! : p lol!

[desertgod]

@tw1stedgrudge agreed



[Gigantor38]

Wow! I felt like I got a first-person view of the legendary race between the tortoise and the hare...from the tortosie's perspective. Yup, a tortoise who's overweight, diabetic, a smoker, and has a prosthetic leg.

[Blasphyr]

1:02 EXTREME 

[90sHeroMAXD]

this is a new attraction at Universal Studio. Its called "Chris-chan the ride" you are Chris chan running away from the trolls and at the end Mary Lee Walsh comes by and stops chris.

[F1NFreak]

Man, this is entertaining

[bbbbbb222222]

mad parkour skills bro, keep it up.

[LeonSKennedy828]

Why does he keep refering to Sonichu as a franchise? :S

[Fawp]

"Haters gonna hate."

[SonicobbsessedR2]

just imagine all the jiggling lard hanging over his legs as he runs...

[rpgscott]

If he kept this up, maybe he'd lose some weight.

Haha, the poor bastard!

[mhirtes12]

This needs Stewie to follow him with a tuba.

/watch?v=R_0SZg8VNxc

[Sparklespmm]

Someone let sloth outta the basement and hes making a run for it.