How to Cope With a Vindictive Narcissist?

[Riversleigh1]

This really works but you must be very clever to achieve it. The Narc that was problematic for me has moved to another country and has disappeared utterly. He was a threat to my career as well as my personal life, now he has destroyed his own career and all I did was tell a third party that his employers knew something about him. Not nice but necessary. He did the rest.

[BuchholzerIn1]

Your videos have helped me understand 20 years yearning for love by a narcicist partner who never had to give any... I got sick and had to let go, because he couldn't exploit me more. So he turned away. Now I see it was a means to survive for me. A deadly illness helped to see him as he is... And now your vids. Thank you!!!

[Bighead910]

your videos have helped me deal with over 12 years of abuse...

[prosperitywoman4life]

could narcissists also have Bi-Polarism?

[OrangeWinchester]

I know what it is like to be a narcissist. Not nearly as extreme, or total, as Vaknin describes. It is hell. If he is one, as he says, I feel sorry for him. I do suspect that the narcissist that Vaknin describes is something of a caricature, an exaggerated product of his own narcissism, but there is truth in his essays.

[jazzy19001]

Narcissist are often men. In women the equal is hysteria. If you are a hysterical woman - chances are you are partnered with and/or raised a narcissist. Ying and Yang

[JenniferPHendrix]

Oh... Hell. There is nothing worse than the Vindictive N. I'm so glad those days are behind me. (i hope) Never have a child with a Narcissist.... They never go away. Why is it... that now that he's gone, and I've accepted it... all I seem to attract are others like him?

[iichingg]

your so powerful and strong,i have never met anyone like you.your so educated and intelligent.im impressed and smitten.

[iichingg]

your sexy and you know it!

[4evrstrng]

This is spot on! I use both approaches on my husband. I went to counseling first to help me heal after 20 years of emotional abuse. Now I let him know, without emotion, when his behavior is not ok, and throw in the name of my counselor/church leader as a source. He will rage, but stops the behavior. I also look for the good he does, and give him tons of praise. He has changed dramatically! Yes, his motives may be driven by narcissistic supply, but our family is happier, so who cares the reason?

[CrossfireGermany2]

There is a good (german) documentary here on youtube about him:

"Ich bin ein Psychopath". (just search for the title)

I can't understand german, but I think he claims to be gay in the documentary above.

Is this true?

And does somebody know where I can find his doctor thesis? I want to read it.

[MikaShelley99]

@CrossfireGermany2 No interest in his sexuality at all tbh, although I think he's married. Thesis on his website, it's pretty easy to find on google.

I find his contribution (read:domination) of NPD studies to totally overshadow any interest i have in him as an individual.

[cherisunday]

THANK YOU, you saved my world of confusion

[jskyjump]

Your work is the best source on the subject of Narcissism on YouTube. Thank you !

[MikaShelley99]

@jskyjump I studied psych for 4 years and I never saw someone own a subject like this to be honest. I find it baffling sometimes how he just thinks up down and around all the avenues of a subsection of the topic. I hope he moves on to do 'Depression' or 'BPD' or suchlike.

[EarlRegent]

@MikaShelley99 I would be over the moon if he tackles depression half as masterfully as he deals with narcissism.

[splashcat]

How long to withhold narcissistic supply, please, before they capitulate?

I guess it depends on the relationship...but is there some average timespan before the narcissist comes round? Four days? A month? A fortnight? ...?

[aigg]

180 IQ...

[gracedeans]

wow!! amazing information>

[JPVeigaaaa]

LOL... try moving the thumbnails up and down... it looks like he is dancing...

[Durablefullfillment]

Sam Vaknin is a wannabe psychopath. He was searching others approval as a child, and they teased him. After that he wanted to become more confident, so he loved to be called a psychopath. Somebody, "not me of course" =) would fuck up this man easily. He is a weak person inside, and have poor boundaries. In a fight, i would have beat the shit up of this ugly, fat "man" who isn´t handsome enough to even get a good looking wife. Fuck this poor jackass, he is the failure man of human nature.

[LPatch77]

@Durablefullfillment my god you are sad little man with anger issues maybe your a narcissist and have taken offence feel as if he's giving away your secrets and soon people will find you out your supply will be cut off

This guy is giving away free helpful information to help people a lot of shrinks charge through the nose for

get a life

[chibraxial]

@LPatch77

"This guy is giving away free helpful information to help people a lot of shrinks charge through the nose for"

A question he may answer : why ?

What's his agenda, his benefits ?

[MikaShelley99]

@chibraxial I think he suffers from a form of psychological condition called 'Just Being Basically a Good Guy Disorder' or JBBGGD for short. It has almost been eradicated from science, especially Psychology, although with effort and determination and questioning we can wipe out the last of this horrible disease.

[chibraxial]

@MikaShelley99

"good" and "bad" huh?

Right.



[MikaShelley99]

@chibraxial He gains exposure from putting the vids up and he does have a book on it, but I'm sure he has an altruistic selfless interest in people and their suffering. Write to him, you'll see that.

[chibraxial]

@MikaShelley99

"He gains exposure from putting the vids up and he does have a book on it, "

this I can believe and I have nothing against .

[chibraxial]

@Durablefullfillment

Cite your sources please.

[cherisunday]

Are you looking for narcissistic supply Durablefulfillment? Well your secret is out now,

poor little man.

[GrumpSkull]

@Durablefullfillment I could tell your age by your comment. Most 21 year olds are narcissists these days if you care to take notice. 

[genraz]

@Durablefullfillment dang boy you're a little mad there. makes me laugh hard

[OlymPigs2010]

....Thank you Sam for these very insightful,informative and helpful videos...they're much appreciated!

[alliencedful]

So actually trolls are narcissists as they want attention, negative or possitive. hmmm

[AmandyPants]

@TheCAPTAINNEMOful , Thanks for looking out for people. That's kind of you. I think what I mean about Samvaknin "helping" me, is that in coming to understand what has happened, it helps me help myself. Often the victims of N's feel so warped, and have been so isolated by the time they even realize what has happened to them, they often attempt suicide. Some are left with PTSD, and social anxieties/phobias. N's do such a good job of gaslighting victims can actually feel like the crazy one.

[AmandyPants]

@AmandyPants So, by understanding that this is an actual condition, it helps in deciding how to react to things. It helps me prepare for things to come, helps me avoid further situations involving N's. The average person has no idea what a victim of an N is going through, and because sometimes it is "only" verbal abuse and emotional abuse people don't take it seriously. But the damage done can last even longer sometimes. It just feels good to know I'm not being dramatic. It's very real.

[AmandyPants]

My ass has been in therapy for a while. My personality unfortunately attracts these types. Not because I am a victim, but because I have high empathy- a good heart- a genuine desire to help people. I am not "hanging around" my ex. I do have a child with my ex, and have been the victim of a severe situation most will never understand. I am working through it the best I can and my therapist and the crisis line operators are impressed by my ability to think things through.

[Baabaaboo2]

What if they just won't leave

[iCanSeeWhatMostCant]

sounds like you're stooping to the narcissist's level by playing manipulative mind games.

[kyle2point]

@iCanSeeWhatMostCant yea, takes one to know one. i say forgive them.

[iCanSeeWhatMostCant]

@kyle2point yeah i'm not into frightening and luring people, thanks though... 00:19 haha

[LIFEIZTOOLTOOLIZLIFE]

sounds more like sociopathic descriptive. hm, what do i know doh. oh yah, i know what i know.

[terriergal]

But then don't you become the same as the narcissist by engaging in the same manipulative behavior?

[allybally0021]

@terriergal

[sheseekstruth777]

Do narcissists know what they are doing?

[AtlSuga]

@sheseekstruth777 YES !



[Iluvrocket]

Thank you for posting these videos.

[kozychik]

Please Officer, it won't happen again; I was under the influence of narcissistic supply! It's their fault not mine. lol

[ikilledit]

Why did you buy your PhD? whos approval do you need? Does it make you believe the lies you tell and make you feel smarter?

[richie8811]

@ikilledit This fool is a liar and an asshole. I mean look at him, he's every creepy boss/neighbour and con-artist salesman you ever met rolled into one.

[AmandyPants]

@richie8811 Well, I think you are right about all of those except the liar part. I don't know if he is an asshole, though. I know his knowledge is helping me through the hardest time I have ever had. He knows so much about the disorder and has that creepy thing going on because he has NPD too. His demeanor is similar to my ex's too. Only Sam is way, way more charming than my ex.

[richie8811]

@AmandyPants Get your ass to therapy ASAP. Being around these kind of people isn't going to help you find the 'answers'.

[andyd568]

Hi Sam, great strategies. You are clearly very educated in this domain.

For those of us who do not wish to use blackmail against the narcissist and prefer open confrontations - would openly highlighting, ridiculing and belittling a narcissists bad behaviors, repeatedly in front of their peers, in calm but mildly amusing ways - succeed in discouraging them? I also wish to relieve my peers from this burdensome/toxic narcissist in the process. Thanks.

[OrangeWinchester]

@andyd568 Not really, it's attention all the same, and deprived of good attention, he might decide to covet bad attention and behave even worse. The problem with Sam Vaknin's work though is that the narcissist is described as utterly irredeemable, and he encourages people to treat narcissists as instruments (immorally, in a deontological sense) which is precisely what the narcissist does in the first place. There must be a better way. Narcissists suffer, too.

[OrangeWinchester]

@EternalFuu It depends on the person, though, and no system is total, nothing is as simple as language makes it seem. I think there's a way to escape the trap of narcissism, to walk out from between the mirrors, by degrees. It just strikes me that Vaknin's methods of dealing with suspected narcissists are themselves the methods of a narcissist, the treatment of other beings as instruments. It's also just struck me: what if Kant was a narcissist, and deontology his protracted attempt to escape?

[EternalFuu]

@OrangeWinchester I've always had a nickname for Kant; "The Clockwork Gentleman". The impression I've gotten from what I've learned about Kant in school and in my independent readings his psyche was more akin to a protocol droid than the average human. I'm not sure I classify him as narcissistic but I suspect that he didn't have as rich an emotional life as most people or, if he did, it didn't figure much into his thought processes.

[EternalFuu]

@OrangeWinchester I get the impression that you're actually a decent person who has overcome a lot of character shortcomings. No one is perfect and we're all at different points on the road of spiritual development and, for the most part, I agree with your sentiment that one should treat other with understanding and compassion. Even so, there is a distinct qualitative difference between a person with character deficiencies and an individual who is depraved and fundamentally malignant.

[EternalFuu]

@OrangeWinchester I've spent several years now mulling over this issue and I'm currently of the view that malignant/evil individuals (e.g. NMs, psychopaths, etc.) have -negative- intrinsic value. Their default regard for and treatment of all others is an accurate projection of their own worth and how they themselves should be regarded and treated; as foul objects worthy of contempt with no value beyond their potential extrinsic utility.

[EternalFuu]

@OrangeWinchester As for Vaknin himself while a lot of what he says is intellectually sound, the guy himself is a dastardly scumbag without a modicum of integrity. If you haven't already, I suggest you check out the documentary "I, Psychopath" you'll see that he treats everyone who interacts with him maliciously, regardless of whether or not they're actually narcissists.

[lmsb1984]

How to cope with a Vindictive Narcissist?

Block his youtube account lol.

[AtticusStount]

@MyVoicenotSilenced  I'm superior.

[Grevlo]

@MyVoicenotSilenced lol thanks, but I alerady knew that because I'm superior.

[Grevlo]

@MyVoicenotSilenced Please silence your voice, because it sucks.

[Grevlo]

@MyVoicenotSilenced You're inferior.

[Grevlo]

If I actually am superior than most, and I agree, does that make me a narcissist?