Personally, Virginity isn't important out of it being some label or offering, but more of she enjoyed something to such a high extent with someone before myself. I could handle that concept, because it is in the past. The problem comes about when you wish to have sex, and feel naturally that you will be compared to the previous. Also, you don't wanna have their first on their mind a lot. That's why I like the concept of virginity, seems less concerning when you want to please someone you love.
I think this comes from the eras when women were seen as "merchandise" for men llooking to get married, a virgin would mean something like a "new" product, and I kinda feel that also that way men felt more safe because the woman has never experienced anything else, so she can't compare ;)
I once saw a comment in a webpage wrote by a man that felt his woman (future wife) was making him feel "dirty" (in a bad way) because she had sex before and he didn't, so he was mad with her ... I hate that :/
And most of all: What you do now, the choices you make and the actions you take (activly or passively), will impact your life profoundly in the years to come. Take charge of your life and take responsibility for your choices now and your life will be better further down the road. When it really counts
So what's the moral of the story? Find something within yourself to value. If you can't find it then develop it. Then hold onto that with everything you got. If losing your virginity is one of your top priorities, you need to do some major self analysis. This life is great. Take your time and enjoy it. Enjoy your youth but don't ruin it. Life is hard enough without going out of your way to make it so.
She was just "one of the girls I was banging". I never intended her to be the mother of my child. I did whatever I wanted when I was younger because I felt that "I was only hurting myself" and if that's what I wanted to do then I had every right to do it. Now my daughter gets to grow up (as I did, and swore I would never put my kids through) without one of her parents. It's not a sob story, more than half of you probably grew up that way.
I raise her alone because her mother still thinks fun is better than doing what's right and working hard to give her children a better life than she had. I work 50 hours a week to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I spend the other 90 trying to teach my daughter to be a good person and building her self-value, trying to negate the impact her mother has on her.I don't really like her mother (I don't think I ever really did).
I am responsible now (for the most part) and my life is not fun (with a few exceptions), but I've learned (trust me it was a long, hard lesson) that "having fun" is not the point of life. I have a 6 year old daughter now. I love my daughter more than I could ever express. The greatest gift I could give her would be 2 parents that love her and work together to raise her properly. But I can't give her that because I'm only one half of that equation.
Me personally I don't see myself making love with anyone else other than my boyfriend ever again. I know, knock on wood this doesn't happen, something can happen between us or to one of us but I love him with my whole heart and I only want to be with him.
for u guy out there u should wait until you are ready and it is special and u are sure you found the right girl it is ok to wait ! and ps guys who wait and are virgin's i think is verry sexy i am sure alot of other wemen think so too!
I am a guy and I have felt that same kind of guilt that you have decribed. This video is very liberating and it is helping deal with a lot of guilt and shame. Thank you very much. Mabey when I stat doing videos I may do a response although that migh be a while.
virginity may not be all but your (now ex) girlfriend telling you "hey i had 20 sex partners" fits into the WHAT THE FUCK ! category. ( true story right here )
Question: i'm a virgin {i have no reason to think that will change any time soon}, but i'm also un-circumcised, and i'm nervouse as to how that will affect the process.
yeah i hate how my friends always bug me when they here im 21 and a virgin. there like dude what is wrong with you. i mean im not really focused on sex, but everything tries to push me and say he man itll feel amazing and youll get addicted right away. this is where it makes me nervious to loose it. i dotn want to be a sex fiend cuz i know thats a turn off for most women. is this true ? once a guy looses it he just becomes addicted ?
@1994toyotasupra It's true that to some women (like myself), men's virginity the older they get (20's-ish) is more of a turn-on. Because you were willing to put forth the responsible effort and wait.
I am a male, and a 20 yr old virgin. About once virginity is lost then it doesnt matter who you sleep with, I would like to think that it does matter, however unfortunately i think that in society it doesnt matter after the first. people always want there first time to be special and therefore hopefully wait till the right person comes around, like what I'm doing, then almost "oh well, now it's fine". I just hope im wrong because i would think that it is special and should only if it feels right
I'm a 24 year old virgin. Anytime my new friends find out about this they instantly try to get me laid. It's very humorous. It's just too much of a risk. I don't want children and I definitely wouldn't have sex with someone I just met. I'm not very good at meeting women so the odds of me having sex are slim at best anyway.
Hi I am a 19 year old virgin and my boyfriend wants to have sex with me and we met in high school!! I just want to know why he keeps wanting handjobs?
Because men are horny as hell? All I can say is don't do anything you aren't comfortable with or ready for... no matter how much HE wants it. If he loves you, then he will respect you and honor your decisions and care about your feelings.
and i'd also like to mention what i think about virginity... I think it's strange to our society and just makes a way to compare people and judge people that i think is unfair...
I think Virginity is more of a feeling you have before making love to someone special, a lot of people make mistakes and don't feel any less 'virgin' afterward. I don't know what to say about it really, but i just think it makes a usually irrelevant way to judge and look at people.
I must say this video made me feel a lot better. I was manipulated into doing some things i didn't wanna do when i wasn't ready or prepared or anything when i was younger... And the girlfriend who i have now and is very special to me is concerned that we won't have a 'special connection' anymore since she's a virgin and things have happened to me. But i know what we have is special, and i feel as much of a virgin as i ever have. So this video helps me know i'm not completely alone on my opinion.
Hi, I'm really enjoying your videos. I would just like to comment and say something. I think that it should be mentioned in your videos that there is a lot of "oh, she's a virgin, so she's not quite right." I have encountered this a lot in my life. It seems that, somehow, virgins are looked down upon (especially in college) by our peers.
I just thought that this should be mentioned in addition. C:
I could have handled her abusive streaks and some of the other stuff, I guess (since I waited to kiss her until we were engaged, and she was chosen by me and special to me)...just not the cheating, which I found out about later. I know that there is no way to salvage it and I have sought counseling for the resulting suicidal thoughts...I really think that the importance I placed on "purity" very nearly killed me. Thank you for this video.
I'm so sorry she put you through such ugliness!! I'm so very sorry! Women (just as men) can be capable of such HORRIBLE ugliness and evil. A false claim of domestic abuse is one of the worst things a woman can ever do and I wish anyone who honestly makes a totally false claim would have had to face jail time for it.
It hurts all of the women who really are abused. It destroys the innocent men like you.
I REALLY hope you find a woman worthy of you! One who can heal your soul and bring you hope!
More or less, after only being married for about year, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce (this was after she had been showing other strange behaviors). I had already caught her in numerous lies, etc. After I refused to divorce her (she's "Pentecostal" and wants the church to be okay with her ways), she filed a false Domestic claim against me (via her four different versions under oath, lack of cohesion, etc). I have just finished fighting that, using every cent I had on a good attorney.
Rock on captivesoul, I've been in the USMC for four years and I understand. Now, kicesie, I want you to see something different, and please keep an open mind (you don't seem to have a problem with that): I placed a great deal of value on my own virginity because it is spiritual as well as physical, and our capacity to bond is determined by these things. I saved myself for someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, or so I thought...
im 23 and have really only been to 1st base kissing some of my friends have lost it long before they graduation. im really trying to make to my wedding night.
but one of the things about being a guy now and bing a virgan is that vlot of my friends are loseing it. and some that have done it make fun of guys who havent. so some guys like me are forced to lie because i dont wana be made fun of anymore then i already am
all I can tell you is to man up and take the fall. I know how you feel; peer pressure can be a powerful force. But I believe that you can erode your integrity because you are lying to yourself. I'm sorry to put it so harshly, but it's not that big of a deal once you can say to yourself and believe: "I should not put so much stock in what others say". I lost mine in an odd way and regret it wasn't with someone I care for. Don't make the same mistake.
I am 19, have more mileage and knowledge than most adults (im told that quite often by other adults). I am a new recruit in the Marine Corps. I have worked since i was 13. I am still a virgin to the point where i have only ever been kissed. all my friends constantly brag about all the chicks they have hooked up with and they constantly talk about them with disrespect and they think that makes them a man. In my opinion i am a bigger, stronger and smarter man than any one i have ever met my age.
Lol, she is gonna be a great sex therapist, and yes ( i know my name is stupid) but still i think her vids are very informative and logical. Im only 14, but i understand more than most other people in my grade would, and i probably wont ever be laid, because as ive been told im ugly, but still GREAT INFORMATIVE VID 5 stars!
Don't worry, you're not the only one who thinks they're not gonna get laid. But I think you'll find someone as long as you have a good personality and you're not "too" ugly. I'm sorry if you are and I hurt your feelings. As for the vid, I think the average number of sexual partners in America is high because of how casual the people are. I'm guessing that America has the highest or one of the highest averages.
Actually Americans don't come close. I'll be covering lots of details on what countries do... in lots of different categories, when I start my coverage of recent scientific studies in the area of human sexuality! =-D
Hey, I know you won't get this, or read it., but whatever. I do plan on giving a video response soon. I have to thank you for reassuring me not only on the fact im a 17 year old virgin in an environment that focuses so heavily on sex, and it's ok, but also the fact im equipped ( you know what i mean). I think that people focus so much on virginity because it is the opening to a new patch in their life, but some people are ready to move on quicker, for me I want it to mean something. Thanks!
im a 20 male virgin, havent done anything not even kissed a girl. i feel really leftout sometimes, especially when im with a group and they talk about those type of experiences and such. and its kinda my fault for not taking the chance and asking a girl out and what have you. i was really shy around girls in school, till around the 6 months before i was to graduate. just then did i have a bunch of friends that were girls, but most of them either had a bf, or wasnt interested. i wish i wasnt shy.
you are virgin? wow! thats great...i salute those guys who are still virgin after highschool life and i think the college too!
hahahaha, its so hard to keep it so congratulation! and i think its so hard now to find a guy who are still virgin after school life, they are like, gold, hard to find but precious when you got it!
Hum...that really depends on how a person see it...
I would say that all kind of first times are in somehow important because they mark that moment, they mark something new, I guess...and I think that hapens the first time you have sex and the first time you have sex with someone new...
I mean, I see it that way.
It really is society's fault, almost everything is...
i'll tell you now. ill definately buy ur book. and i think the thought for the first time people want there first time for others to respect them for having sex with that person but after they lose there virginity it doesnt bother them anymore.. thats my opinion anyway im 15 still a virgin. wanting sex but then again not.
well im 16 and imma definelly not a virgin.but i lost it with a very nice and respectful guy and we now have been together for 10 months but you should wait.
You are an inspiration for today's youth! You are so genuine and thats why I think so many people appeal to you! you can clearly tell that you great thought and research goes into everyone of your video's. Thanks Kicesie
I just wanna say kicesi that is great what u are doing, i love the way u explain this subject and want to thank u, because ur work is helping me a lot in a way that , it makes me think and be mature enough to make the right desicions, and i think u are an incredibly mature and cool person ( excuse me writting an actually latin), keep doing this great work, ciaoo
to me virginity is something that is important. I lost it to someone that i did love but i havent has sex with anyone since. But if i was to have sex with someone i dont think that it would be a big problem to go ahead and have sex with them but i do think that i would have to have strong feelings for the person and be able to feel comfortable around them i think that having sex with someone should be another way of showing that you love that person very much
Virginity is Everything the more u wait the best.The ones who have done it say its nothing but deep down they are suffering big tym,they know they ave fckd up.
This mentality, if true for a sizable portion of people would eventually lead to virginity not being an important thing in society, which is where most people I know, myself included stand on this subject (19 year old university student).
I'm sorry to sound a skeptic but I once had the thought that virginity was an important thing, and I lost it to somebody I loved, that didn't work out but I have no regrets. To me now however, if I liked somebody a lot, I would have sex with them (assuming them willing as well ofc -- lol) and to me, it wouldn't be particularly important. It would simply be two people showing a mutual affection for one another.
I would say that there is a sort of cultural focus on virginity, particularly amongst organized religions. I was not aware of this until my first sex, and in the midst of the family anger and other issues, I remember that the one looming in my mind the most was "I am not a virgin anymore. Who'll have me now?" I had learned this view that my virginity was what I gave only to the man who would be my husband. I now know that my value is more than just this thanks to a more mature relationship.
i think there is a lot of emphasis on virginity now because there are so many people out there that dont "value" it anymore. I think trying 2 teach kids 2 wait is a great thing so that they WILL value it. They will be able 2 have that first experience w/ someone that they truly love, & want 2 spend the rest of their life with. It'll give them time 2 find someone they have that deep spiritual & emotional connection 2, rather than just having sex 2 say they have "done it". Goes 4 male & female.
Thanks, this really helped putting "wild, freerunning" thaughts on there place
(that was pretty difficelt to to say)
I really only want to "serve" my girl, i only want to make her happy, sometimes i got the inpresion (dunno if thats propper english)she wants to, but it never is clear, but i'm never shure, maybe i dont know her enghough+ whot you tolt (how mutch it means to a girl)
makes me say: Guess I'll better quit thinking, and let evrything land, like it does
I think you should collect all your videos and publish them, it would be a great inspiration to ALL YOUNG ADULT and beside probably make you an incredible amount of money. Keep Going and Good Luck
My BIG apologies to the person who wrote 'You're old enough to start writing a book'. I meant to click reply and accidently clicked delete.
I was going to say thank you. And I do plan on writing a book soon. But my book on virginity might actually result from a doctoral thesis or something like that and needs years of research for what I envision. But hopefully within the next two years I'll have a book out on the shelves of stores. =-D
Thank you for putting up these videos! Sometimes I felt bad for being a virgin in high school, but I also didn't want to be like everyone else who wanted to get rid of their virginity as soon as possible to some guy/girl. I don't know why, but there was this perception that if you were a virgin past a certain age, you were a loser. I blame those teen movies. I heard that waiting is becoming more common now, so I feel better about being a 20 year old male virgin XD It will happen when it happens.
Noone can decide whether anybody but themselves are ready, as kicesie expresses frequently. Also, for guys it's very different than girls. Guys not only have nothing that could tear, or streach, but also recive more respect from peers and friends if they 'lose it'. Girls are the ones who will feel the pain if there is any, basicly, and depending on who its with, may get labeled
I do want to point out that we shouldn't underestimate the emotional impact sex can still have on a male, regardless of age. I've heard from MANY men who had such a bad or disappointing or (emotionally) painful first time that they have definitely been scarred.
Guys not only have nothing that could tear, or streach, but also recive more respect from peers and friends if they 'lose it'. - Coombsdrew
i'm a guy and i just want to say something, my first time i had a somewat pain full experiance of my forskin geting stuck over the head and tearing cuaseing amens amount of pain and going to the doctors with a somewat imbarising problem so pls don't think that it is only good for men becuase if u have ever had a horny girl bit u you wouldn't fell the same
I also think that too many peolpe thinks that virginity is the same as self-respect. If you dont respect yourself then you give your virginity away easiliy, which I think is not always true. If you decide to share intimate moments with a person doesn't mean you don't love yourself just because he or she wasn't the person you end you life with.
Virginity is something you feel. A girl might NOT be a virgin, but still feel the second or third time like the real first time. What's phisical it's just....some flesh, what's really important is what you FEEL about what you are doing.
Sex is something really for mature people, and I think the real first time is when you feel satisfied, you smile thinking about it even if it was long time ago and if that realtionship ended badly.
I'm 15 and recently lost my virginity. It's hard to describe how I feel about it, but I don't really see why people make such a big deal about virginity. I don't look at sex any differently, or feel any differently about it now that I'm not a virgin, and I would definately still take care about choosing who I have sex with. In no way should losing your virginity mean that you are now free to, or have to, have sex with anyone, or be more promiscuous.
My family ws ruined because of my past mistakes I guess that how I put it I was a pregnant teen when i met my husband he was by know means a V but he wanted to know what it felt like to have one sooo he being the PIG he is cheated on me with a younger girl who was there for we are know longer together and his children are the ones who are hurting all because...i didnt save myself untill marriage My advice to young people is to wait and make it that much more special!
I'm a guy, I'm 26, and I'm still a virgin. I am also PROUD to say that. For me, the concept of virginity is both a spiritual matter and a matter of love and respect. I respect my religious beliefs enough to wait until I'm married to have sex. Also, I have enough love and respect for my future wife that I want to wait for her to be my first experience.
thats preety stupid thhoughts.. they way u r explaining is the life of an animal who don't care who it is having sex wid.. but as a human u got brain that can tell u whats bad and whats good.. so don't try to be imply animalistic behaviour since u r sencefull hman being.. not an animal...
I completely agree with you. A couple of my friends have already lost their virginity and now a year later they have been with like 6 different guys already! They arent even out of highschool yet! I think they only care about the frst time because they will be "losing their virginity" and might be nervous and a bit more self concious the first time. And i know that they werent ready.. that is a whole other issue!
To me virginity is an abstract concept that mattered in societies where birth control didn't exist and it was important to control womens sexuality to be sure of who the father of every child was, societies where marriage was important for economic reasons more than emotional.
today I don't see why virginity would be important. That doesn't mean I think you should have sex with just anyone at the age of twelve, but I guess I agree that you should ALWAYS think twice before doing it.
for me it's very strange how important the whole virginity-thing is in the US. At least in scandinavia, and I think in all of Western Europe, it is very rare that people actually want to wait until marriage with having sex, and I actually have only one friend who thinks virginity is important (except for some non-european, muslim friends).
I dont think virginity can be TAKEN from you. It is shared. It is not taken from you like a possession. There are girls in my grade(im 13) who give blow jobs, and it is absolutely stupid because they just want to sound cool. I think that every sexual encounter you have should be special, not just meaningless sex.
I am 13 and ive never kissed a boy and i havent lost my virginity but please can you do a video about sexuality and how you know when you're not straight. I will email. You can read it out in my video.
a big problem I have faced (sexually) with my girlfriend, is that she lost her virginity years ago, and did that make me less special to her? I waited = she didn't. The reality is, it was that time, that place, and does not affect how she feels about me and our sex life.
for other Guys:
Past experiences are such a terrible thing to focus on. They can be relationship killers, and it is really unnecessary. Best movie I've ever seen about past relationships is Chasing Amy. Rent it.
If this is a really big issue to you, please message me and maybe we can talk out ways to realistically make you feel more comfortable with both of your pasts.
i think that virginity is important in someways. you dont want to give it up for he wrong reasons and i think that people are doing it earlier and earlier. i think people need to be educated more and know that its ok to say no. Once you can do that and u think ur mature enough i think you should go for it. Im 16 and i lost my virginity when i was 13 to a 17 y'old if i new now what i new then i think i would be more willing to voice my opinion.
I hate the whole concept of virginity. In the past it was used to label who would be more loyal to their family and God. I think we've grown beyond those dated views now, but still tote this label around.
I think with every non-pressured sexual experience you gain something; you only lose something when you're not comfortable doing what you are, and whatever that is, it's much more valuable than your "virginity".
If sex was meant for marriage, why do we as humans have sex drives, urges, arousals etc? Most religious people confuse sexual attraction and lust - both of which are completely different from each other.
I think it's building relationship with the first person, that we're trying to lose it to the person that we're most likely to spend the rest of our lives with. This is to get the best possible relationship with that person. The first time is so important on building that because of the learning experience you go through with your partner. Every experience with them will build that relationship more, and sex is so important in a romance relationship, like kissing, to learn together.
I beleive that the reason that people put so much value to virginity is, or at least orgianaly was that its your first time so you want your first time to be the best for sentimental reasons. Another thing is among younger men of around 18-24 its seen as a sort of satatus if youve "had" a girls virginity, altough "had" is the wrong term because it was always hers, this realy in a scence barbaric. I think that man or woman you should aproach every sexual encounter like your first.
I know someone who was absolutely devastated when he and his girlfriend had sex before they were married. They felt like they had "failed God" and let down everyone in their respective families. They even decided to separate for a period of a few months in order to serve penance for their "crime" (and missed each other terribly during that time!). They both felt like they had lost some kind of "purity" that they could now never have back. I think that's a terrible way to look at it!
What about love!!!??? when we dont have our virginity to give anymore we still can give our love too! thats the problem i think people have!!! they think they're worthless, and thats not true!
I'm 19, still a virgin, and a patient of several neurological disabilities who nevertheless maintains 3.5-plus GPAs and is told by therapists (who can't see what it's like to be out in society) that I come off as insecure but normal. Why doesn't anybody wanna lay me? Also, you said before that as long as a man isn't circumcised it won't for him when he has his first time. I am circumcised, so what did you mean by that and how can I avoid this problem?
i think you definately lose your virginity emotionally in a certain sense with every new partner. So to me, that means you can make virginity what you want it to be. Physically no, you're not a virgin, but emotionally I believe it's up to you.
I totally agree that society has virginity all wrong. I'm a virgin because it's very spiritual to me and I want it to be special when it happens. That being said, I realize that temptation is a powerful thing. People make mistakes and they shouldn't be condemned by that. I would totally marry a girl that made a mistake, recognized it, and saved herself for marriage from that point on. Physically you can't be a virgin again, but I think emotionally you lose your virginity with every new partner.
I'm a 21 year old virgin myself.You make some interesting points. I have to admit that my thinking I should carefully choose who I lose my virginity with but after that, I might go loose! Maybe people should really consider EVERY partner they want to have sex with.
Also, may I ask if you ever noticed that those who ARE having sex, seem to have it with the same small group of men and is it wide and varied?
And a final note, you seem to have your head screwed on quite firmly on life.
My last boyfriend slept around for 4 months out of our 6 month relationship. i did not know of his affair and we had sex one month into his secret affair. i feel that he took my virginity (or "lost" my virginity). Could it be i say this due to tramatic experience? Because i have a wonderful loving boyfriend now and i feel convinced that he was my first time. Whenever my ex gets brought up as taking my virginity i practicically deny it without feeling that i am lying. Why do you think this is?
Because I think virginity is as much an emotional and experiential thing as it is a physical one. Many women have told me that they shared their physical virginity one point and their emotional virginity at different point entirely.
Thanks for the response! It made a ton of sense. I have one other question for you, i'll send it through a message. I know you probably get hundreds of questions, so i'll understand if you cannot get to it any time soon. thanks again, Kicesie!
.... so it seems some people see it that you have to save it as long as possible then they think its not a big deal, and some people, the opposite. i have just seen that most people who are virgins and dont want to be dont take it seriously enough. i think that if you wrote a book, it would be a best seller, not just because everyone is a virgin at some point, and most lose it, but secioty has distorted it so much that no one really knows how to feel. i still dont understand how the concept.
i think that alot of times teenagers are convienced that virginity isnt a big deal until after they have sex, but afterword they find out its much more complex than they ever thought and then god knows what happens. thats what happened to me and most of my friends. unfourtinately for me, i thought that made me a whore because then people expected me to sleep with them, so i got depressed, one of my friends thought that ment she could sleep with whoever, another told everyone it never happened
well that's great!! yeah i wanted to get a degree in sex therapy too, but im still not sure how to go about that lol but i love what your doing. it really helps people. especially your video to you terrorist. That was hard and i know that but you did soooo well. much love, me
I'm not a virgin, and i do care who i have sex with. Like you said, after your first time you really dont care who you have sex with. but virginity is a big thing to me. I kind of wish i had waited.
the first time you do anthing is scarey. but giving your virginity especially for girls in my opinion i more dornting because of the risk of pregnency and STIs and dissapointing the person you are shareing your first time with and imonly 15 so i have yet anouther reason not to have sex partly because its not legal and i arnt in a commited enough relationship.
I suppose the most logical argument against premarital sex is the risk of getting STDs or unwanted pregnancies. Even birth control and condoms aren't fool proof; are we expected to spend the rest of our lives in confinement to avoid all diseases and risk? Doing everything in life is a risk; getting a job is a risk, telling someone you love them is a risk, posting a comment on Youtube is a risk; life cannot be enjoyed without risk.
Okay, i have a question. I've been reading up about virginity..and a lot of the different things i have read lately were that people in the world are starting to say that "losing your virginity" or "sharing your virginity" can be by a finger, penis, tongue, or alone. I was just wondering what you think about that? and why they would even say that...becuz i always thought it was just sexual intercourse.
I believe virginity is something that you give that cannot be taken away from you. To your point about after you are no longer a "virgin" you can have sex with whomever, that is my view. If I were not a virgin, I would not be saving sex for marriage anymore. I would go and enjoy the world. I am a 25 y/o male, and I am proud to be a virgin til marriage! Thanks K for all the great stuff!
continuation....In my past views when a teenager it would have been devasting to me to have lost my virginity, but if you were to ask me why, back then I would not have been able to tell you. But it was cuz of the concept I had of it, which was really not "my" concept anyway but the social concept forced on me unknowingly by society, the beliefs I had were not even my own! and its a bit shocking when one first wakes up to the social conditioning that has made up their identity.......
Wow, some powerful stuff there! Send me a message and let's talk about this more over email... (I'll give you my address in a message if you choose to send one)
My views on virginity have changed alot since I was a teenager, they were of the "Norm" like you said in video,I thought of virginity as a "thing" I had identified with it as being apart of who "I" was and if I "lost it" I'd be lossing part of myself, but its not "me" or a thing, its a mental concept!!!like when you drink a coke for the first time, did you lose anything?? I think its important to make this distinction!! I want to co-author you book!!
And guys who have had oral and anal claim to be virgins. So girls, beware of 21st century virgins. *sarcasm*
Your comment is sexist whether you meant it to be or not.
It is up to each of us to define virginity... and to discuss what virginity means to us with our partners. It is totally fair to expect to discuss your sexual history with your partner... but it's also fair and okay to say 'I still believe I'm a virgin.' or, 'I've had oral sex and therefore I don't feel that I'm a virgin'.
But I also do not believe in the "marriage" ideal and than losing the virginity in case of girls, as than, what than...than a girl is stuck with a guy in who is not really a man for her as she realizes the same night, that she looks not at him but only on herself, where I think that most of these girls later have affair after affair and see their husband as the one who does a job for her to have a life that he shall not know about. But, also this is acceptable but very calculated and unfoccused.
And in some ways, I haven't lost interest in non-virgins as there sex is sex but just with getting older and being able to think in more defined ways, a virgin girl, let it be a +18 year old virgin girl is something that I feel as more clean, supportable and loveable as a woman where I am the whoever number and she also is same for me, as I am not innocent as a male does it give a basis of not being playtime but serious encounter of love and sex with a woman who never had sex of any kind.
What I'm hearing you say is that you like to have sex with virgins for this variety of reasons... but it sounds like you are not a virgin. Double standard anyone? If, as a virgin, one isn't as 'clean, supportable and lovable' then nor are you since you've had sex. It's a sexist view and quite honestly not a very smart one.
My personal interest in virgins is based on having a sexual relationship with a woman not only based on "f*****g" her the hymen away, but to have sex in a way with a virgin girl that is based on loving the still existing hymen in multiple sexual ways, licking, touching, sex toys, all one can imagine and on one day to finally break on through...but not after a week or a month but maybe at point of time where other persons stop their relationships due boringness etc...starting a new chapter...
my personal feel on virginity is true oce you've done it biologically yes we are no longer a virgin but with each partner we have its a new start. so i guess what i'm trying to say is when you get into a new relationship you're a virgin again because its going to be differant and new and your first time with them. I don;t belive in married to have sex as i feel the best relationships are when we arn't married. marrage is personally to me just a certificate.
i was that virgin girl for 19 years.. my thoughts and comment to eveyone about sex was always wait till you get married ... that was my plan.. untill a few months ago .. i guess it makes me hyppocrat in a way becouse i only knew this guy for 2 months.. but he made me feel so comfortable, we havent broken up yet and sex is still special...BUT
I agree with you for the commitment requirement for sex, but I support no sex without marriage for both males and females. For me the meaning of a committed relationship is marriage and if happen things did not worked out, divorce is the solution. I think the reason people have sex without marriage more often today because it is easier get out of a relationship regardless both, one, or non of the involved parties sincerely committed when they started the relationship.
Kind of going off of vnt31, if you're still a virgin sometimes it's like there is something "wrong" with you which I find horrible. There is nothing wrong about not wanting to "throw away" your virginity. This is kinda what your video was about. girls especially shouldn't have to have sex just to have sex so they can "get it over with" and not have to worry about it. Guys too. Our society has this underground view about virginity and it's so retarded that we are pressured to lose our virginity.
I remember back when I was younger(early 20's), I had the opportunity to sleep with a female friend who was a virgin. I am this hopeless romantic that, epecially back then, had this romantisized view on how the first time should be, especially for a girl. My first time was so unspecial that all I can remember about it was how old I was and who it was with. Thats it, and I didn't want that for her. She didn't love me and I didn't love her. We were attracted to each other, we made out....
But I didn't feel that I could be that special person for her to look back on later in life and smile about, remembering that momentous occasion. Looking back I wish I had gotten past my romantic notions long enough to realize that I could have still made it special for her. In the end she had sex with a married guy that treated her like crap afterwards. I guess in the end it was more inportant to her to get it over with than to have it be a special moment... to be continued.
Now that I am older I've come to realize that it doesn't matter, maybe it never did. I'm a guy so when I was in high school it was a big thing to be sexually active, and I was but none of my friends knew that. I was 12 when I lost my virginity, my best friend thought I was a virgin until He found out because we slept with the same girl(not at the same time).
vnt31, if you're ready to lose your virginity then it will happen, if not don't worry just don't rush it because of your male friends.
For a man, Virginity is considered a weakness, your not a man till you have lost it. For a woman it is a stigma, to have given it away. The double standard is ridiculous and I agree it should be changed. To say that once you have lost your virginity as a woman, you have nothing left is a terrible way to perceive the situation. Every time I have ever been with a woman, I have felt I was the recipient of a great gift. The intimacy of the act whether its her first time or twentieth doesn't matter.
This is crazy dudeman407 because I just don't understand people like you. You admit you're lying to your girlfriend and you're sad she doesn't seem to trust you. :o
I think virginity is very important, but however, if it's not the first relationship, that's it.
Making sex for the fun occasionally with anybody passing by is overrated.
My girlfriend is a virgin and she keeps telling me she wants me to be her first but in my last relationship when I had sex things became awkward. So I have basically been avoiding the subject of sex with my current girlfriend because I don't want to ruin our relationship but sadly I think she thinks that I don't like her because I am not having sex with her, what should I do?
I think you should stop trying to avoid it. Maybe if you explained things out to her and stuff, she'd push less on it. The fact of the matter is, you can't really know how your current relationship will be affected with sex until you actually do it. However, if you don't feel ready, tell her that.
Virginity is over-rated. I think its best to not make a big deal out of it, it's built up to be way more than it is. The first time always sucks, so just get it out of the way so you can move on with your life. Sure, it should be with someone you care about ideally, but ones hymen/penis isn't made of gold. It's just a milestone to be crossed, nothing more or less. And the longer one waits the less significant it will be.
idk i am a virgin now but i dont know if i want to be a virgin on my wedding night. I am catholic but i dont think i want to be a virgin then. I know is very speical and all of my other friends are not virgins. DO you think it is better to wait until ur married or not?
I think excessive virginity can hurt a person. It comes to a point (around age 27), especially if you're a guy, that you just need to lose it, and what will hurt you the most is if you're a guy and you're old, and you still can't let go of your ridiculous "first time" standards. Letting go of those standards is much easier said than done. Virginity is honorable to a certain point, and then that honor becomes sour and it doesn't matter anymore.
The way I see it, I have a virginty for ever relationship I'm in. I have standards, and need before I'm ready to have sex with my partner. It's allowed me to feel like the sex I've had has been meaningful, and I think it allows me to keep the state of mind that sex is important, and something to be held high even if it's not the very first time.
i think that people don't really care after their first time because for your first time you want the good first time and good first impression. after that you can want to work to make it as good or better as the first time, but you'll always have the memories to fall back on.
i have a friend who became permiscuous after she had sex for the first time, shes only 15 years old. I think a lot of it has to do with being afraid of it up until your first time and once your comfortable with it your not scared to have it again. And as one becomes more experienced, the sex gets better.
I have had sex with one girl in my life and it was a girl I dated for 2 years, mind you i'm 17 now. And we recently broke up and it seems that after all this time its like even if/when i do move on i dont want to have sex with just anyone, just the next girl i fall in love with, most likely in college, if i ever learn to love again.
sounds really "emo" if you want to call it that, that i am not over her, but.. ill post a more detailed video response later
I have had 2 friends who both have said they don't count their first time as actual sex because they either didn't bleed or didn't orgasm or both..does it count as sex then. I know you said the hymen has really nothing to do with virginity but does what they did count???
Ok so why do some girls then fell like they HAVE to be with the guy they lost it to. My ex is like that cuz of that and the fact that hes her kids father when the guy is a straight up asshole.
I found it strange when one of my friends, friend said one day that she was a virgin until last year and that after that she had sex with 5 guys or so. Sorry but after she said that I thought she was a skunk. Why wait years denying your boyfriends sexual intimacy and in a switch become a slut.
Personally, Virginity isn't important out of it being some label or offering, but more of she enjoyed something to such a high extent with someone before myself. I could handle that concept, because it is in the past. The problem comes about when you wish to have sex, and feel naturally that you will be compared to the previous. Also, you don't wanna have their first on their mind a lot. That's why I like the concept of virginity, seems less concerning when you want to please someone you love.
ACANOFSODA 7 months ago
I think this comes from the eras when women were seen as "merchandise" for men llooking to get married, a virgin would mean something like a "new" product, and I kinda feel that also that way men felt more safe because the woman has never experienced anything else, so she can't compare ;)
I once saw a comment in a webpage wrote by a man that felt his woman (future wife) was making him feel "dirty" (in a bad way) because she had sex before and he didn't, so he was mad with her ... I hate that :/
anemix1005 9 months ago
And most of all: What you do now, the choices you make and the actions you take (activly or passively), will impact your life profoundly in the years to come. Take charge of your life and take responsibility for your choices now and your life will be better further down the road. When it really counts
badjimi78 1 year ago
So what's the moral of the story? Find something within yourself to value. If you can't find it then develop it. Then hold onto that with everything you got. If losing your virginity is one of your top priorities, you need to do some major self analysis. This life is great. Take your time and enjoy it. Enjoy your youth but don't ruin it. Life is hard enough without going out of your way to make it so.
badjimi78 1 year ago
She was just "one of the girls I was banging". I never intended her to be the mother of my child. I did whatever I wanted when I was younger because I felt that "I was only hurting myself" and if that's what I wanted to do then I had every right to do it. Now my daughter gets to grow up (as I did, and swore I would never put my kids through) without one of her parents. It's not a sob story, more than half of you probably grew up that way.
badjimi78 1 year ago
I raise her alone because her mother still thinks fun is better than doing what's right and working hard to give her children a better life than she had. I work 50 hours a week to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I spend the other 90 trying to teach my daughter to be a good person and building her self-value, trying to negate the impact her mother has on her.I don't really like her mother (I don't think I ever really did).
badjimi78 1 year ago
I am responsible now (for the most part) and my life is not fun (with a few exceptions), but I've learned (trust me it was a long, hard lesson) that "having fun" is not the point of life. I have a 6 year old daughter now. I love my daughter more than I could ever express. The greatest gift I could give her would be 2 parents that love her and work together to raise her properly. But I can't give her that because I'm only one half of that equation.
badjimi78 1 year ago
Me personally I don't see myself making love with anyone else other than my boyfriend ever again. I know, knock on wood this doesn't happen, something can happen between us or to one of us but I love him with my whole heart and I only want to be with him.
lillwhitegirl 1 year ago
Don't you believe there's a difference between 'sex', and 'making love'?
sahinica 1 year ago 2
@sahinica Absolutely. In fact there is sex, making love and fucking... all of which are different in a mostly subtle sense.
kicesie 1 year ago 8
I'm a 23 year old male virgin.
needles1987 1 year ago
@needles1987 There's nothing wrong with that. It's actually better to wait, it'll be better in the long run, and more fulfilling emotionally.
lillwhitegirl 1 year ago
for u guy out there u should wait until you are ready and it is special and u are sure you found the right girl it is ok to wait ! and ps guys who wait and are virgin's i think is verry sexy i am sure alot of other wemen think so too!
shrtsweetangel 1 year ago
I am a guy and I have felt that same kind of guilt that you have decribed. This video is very liberating and it is helping deal with a lot of guilt and shame. Thank you very much. Mabey when I stat doing videos I may do a response although that migh be a while.
freedom4life77 1 year ago
virginity may not be all but your (now ex) girlfriend telling you "hey i had 20 sex partners" fits into the WHAT THE FUCK ! category. ( true story right here )
cr4yv3n 1 year ago 3
Question: i'm a virgin {i have no reason to think that will change any time soon}, but i'm also un-circumcised, and i'm nervouse as to how that will affect the process.
tozz88 1 year ago
yeah i hate how my friends always bug me when they here im 21 and a virgin. there like dude what is wrong with you. i mean im not really focused on sex, but everything tries to push me and say he man itll feel amazing and youll get addicted right away. this is where it makes me nervious to loose it. i dotn want to be a sex fiend cuz i know thats a turn off for most women. is this true ? once a guy looses it he just becomes addicted ?
1994toyotasupra 1 year ago
@1994toyotasupra It's true that to some women (like myself), men's virginity the older they get (20's-ish) is more of a turn-on. Because you were willing to put forth the responsible effort and wait.
runswim09 1 year ago
I am a male, and a 20 yr old virgin. About once virginity is lost then it doesnt matter who you sleep with, I would like to think that it does matter, however unfortunately i think that in society it doesnt matter after the first. people always want there first time to be special and therefore hopefully wait till the right person comes around, like what I'm doing, then almost "oh well, now it's fine". I just hope im wrong because i would think that it is special and should only if it feels right
Gavx89 1 year ago
I'm a 24 year old virgin. Anytime my new friends find out about this they instantly try to get me laid. It's very humorous. It's just too much of a risk. I don't want children and I definitely wouldn't have sex with someone I just met. I'm not very good at meeting women so the odds of me having sex are slim at best anyway.
naturalbluesky 1 year ago 2
Hi I am a 19 year old virgin and my boyfriend wants to have sex with me and we met in high school!! I just want to know why he keeps wanting handjobs?
kickme95 1 year ago
Because men are horny as hell? All I can say is don't do anything you aren't comfortable with or ready for... no matter how much HE wants it. If he loves you, then he will respect you and honor your decisions and care about your feelings.
kicesie 1 year ago 23
and i'd also like to mention what i think about virginity... I think it's strange to our society and just makes a way to compare people and judge people that i think is unfair...
I think Virginity is more of a feeling you have before making love to someone special, a lot of people make mistakes and don't feel any less 'virgin' afterward. I don't know what to say about it really, but i just think it makes a usually irrelevant way to judge and look at people.
just my two cents. I liked this vid
rrenvall 1 year ago
I must say this video made me feel a lot better. I was manipulated into doing some things i didn't wanna do when i wasn't ready or prepared or anything when i was younger... And the girlfriend who i have now and is very special to me is concerned that we won't have a 'special connection' anymore since she's a virgin and things have happened to me. But i know what we have is special, and i feel as much of a virgin as i ever have. So this video helps me know i'm not completely alone on my opinion.
rrenvall 1 year ago
Hi, I'm really enjoying your videos. I would just like to comment and say something. I think that it should be mentioned in your videos that there is a lot of "oh, she's a virgin, so she's not quite right." I have encountered this a lot in my life. It seems that, somehow, virgins are looked down upon (especially in college) by our peers.
I just thought that this should be mentioned in addition. C:
WolfieNoYume 1 year ago
I could have handled her abusive streaks and some of the other stuff, I guess (since I waited to kiss her until we were engaged, and she was chosen by me and special to me)...just not the cheating, which I found out about later. I know that there is no way to salvage it and I have sought counseling for the resulting suicidal thoughts...I really think that the importance I placed on "purity" very nearly killed me. Thank you for this video.
Lachdenan 2 years ago
I'm so sorry she put you through such ugliness!! I'm so very sorry! Women (just as men) can be capable of such HORRIBLE ugliness and evil. A false claim of domestic abuse is one of the worst things a woman can ever do and I wish anyone who honestly makes a totally false claim would have had to face jail time for it.
It hurts all of the women who really are abused. It destroys the innocent men like you.
I REALLY hope you find a woman worthy of you! One who can heal your soul and bring you hope!
kicesie 2 years ago
More or less, after only being married for about year, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce (this was after she had been showing other strange behaviors). I had already caught her in numerous lies, etc. After I refused to divorce her (she's "Pentecostal" and wants the church to be okay with her ways), she filed a false Domestic claim against me (via her four different versions under oath, lack of cohesion, etc). I have just finished fighting that, using every cent I had on a good attorney.
Lachdenan 2 years ago
Rock on captivesoul, I've been in the USMC for four years and I understand. Now, kicesie, I want you to see something different, and please keep an open mind (you don't seem to have a problem with that): I placed a great deal of value on my own virginity because it is spiritual as well as physical, and our capacity to bond is determined by these things. I saved myself for someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, or so I thought...
Lachdenan 2 years ago
im 23 and have really only been to 1st base kissing some of my friends have lost it long before they graduation. im really trying to make to my wedding night.
andrew01261986 2 years ago 2
im 14 im a virgin
but one of the things about being a guy now and bing a virgan is that vlot of my friends are loseing it. and some that have done it make fun of guys who havent. so some guys like me are forced to lie because i dont wana be made fun of anymore then i already am
holyass242 2 years ago
@holyass242
Hey man,
all I can tell you is to man up and take the fall. I know how you feel; peer pressure can be a powerful force. But I believe that you can erode your integrity because you are lying to yourself. I'm sorry to put it so harshly, but it's not that big of a deal once you can say to yourself and believe: "I should not put so much stock in what others say". I lost mine in an odd way and regret it wasn't with someone I care for. Don't make the same mistake.
BWpepperr 2 years ago
i reaaaly love you! so informative indeed.
PRITZ6 2 years ago
im a virgin im 15
soon as im legal i want it
i want 2 b a virgin cuz it does impress guys but
my body wants it
i can t til im married wot if i dont get married
kaz271 2 years ago
I am 19, have more mileage and knowledge than most adults (im told that quite often by other adults). I am a new recruit in the Marine Corps. I have worked since i was 13. I am still a virgin to the point where i have only ever been kissed. all my friends constantly brag about all the chicks they have hooked up with and they constantly talk about them with disrespect and they think that makes them a man. In my opinion i am a bigger, stronger and smarter man than any one i have ever met my age.
captivesoul 2 years ago 12
Lol, she is gonna be a great sex therapist, and yes ( i know my name is stupid) but still i think her vids are very informative and logical. Im only 14, but i understand more than most other people in my grade would, and i probably wont ever be laid, because as ive been told im ugly, but still GREAT INFORMATIVE VID 5 stars!
xVagalTube 2 years ago
Don't worry, you're not the only one who thinks they're not gonna get laid. But I think you'll find someone as long as you have a good personality and you're not "too" ugly. I'm sorry if you are and I hurt your feelings. As for the vid, I think the average number of sexual partners in America is high because of how casual the people are. I'm guessing that America has the highest or one of the highest averages.
6clonedcows 2 years ago
Actually Americans don't come close. I'll be covering lots of details on what countries do... in lots of different categories, when I start my coverage of recent scientific studies in the area of human sexuality! =-D
kicesie 2 years ago
thank you for talking about that. i've been feeling so empty since i lost mine. you made me feel a little bit better.
hannnah773 2 years ago 5
Hey, I know you won't get this, or read it., but whatever. I do plan on giving a video response soon. I have to thank you for reassuring me not only on the fact im a 17 year old virgin in an environment that focuses so heavily on sex, and it's ok, but also the fact im equipped ( you know what i mean). I think that people focus so much on virginity because it is the opening to a new patch in their life, but some people are ready to move on quicker, for me I want it to mean something. Thanks!
urmommasmommasmom 2 years ago
some interesting point. have you ever considered being a health teacher??
USA3333 2 years ago 2
im a 20 male virgin, havent done anything not even kissed a girl. i feel really leftout sometimes, especially when im with a group and they talk about those type of experiences and such. and its kinda my fault for not taking the chance and asking a girl out and what have you. i was really shy around girls in school, till around the 6 months before i was to graduate. just then did i have a bunch of friends that were girls, but most of them either had a bf, or wasnt interested. i wish i wasnt shy.
skits2588 2 years ago 13
you are virgin? wow! thats great...i salute those guys who are still virgin after highschool life and i think the college too!
hahahaha, its so hard to keep it so congratulation! and i think its so hard now to find a guy who are still virgin after school life, they are like, gold, hard to find but precious when you got it!
1000000000ism 2 years ago 6
i can certainly relate to that, and im a girl.
ChristJesusRocks 2 years ago
Hum...that really depends on how a person see it...
I would say that all kind of first times are in somehow important because they mark that moment, they mark something new, I guess...and I think that hapens the first time you have sex and the first time you have sex with someone new...
I mean, I see it that way.
It really is society's fault, almost everything is...
aezkmi 2 years ago 2
Proud to be a virgin =D
ayoflaka 2 years ago 6
Im waiting for the Write girl
TheFishboy1994 2 years ago 6
i'll tell you now. ill definately buy ur book. and i think the thought for the first time people want there first time for others to respect them for having sex with that person but after they lose there virginity it doesnt bother them anymore.. thats my opinion anyway im 15 still a virgin. wanting sex but then again not.
MLGxiZappyx 2 years ago 3
well im 16 and imma definelly not a virgin.but i lost it with a very nice and respectful guy and we now have been together for 10 months but you should wait.
mandatab 2 years ago 5
i'll be first in line to buy your book, kicesie.
best of luck.
soccersprincess 3 years ago 112
You are an inspiration for today's youth! You are so genuine and thats why I think so many people appeal to you! you can clearly tell that you great thought and research goes into everyone of your video's. Thanks Kicesie
helloomotto 3 years ago 94
I just wanna say kicesi that is great what u are doing, i love the way u explain this subject and want to thank u, because ur work is helping me a lot in a way that , it makes me think and be mature enough to make the right desicions, and i think u are an incredibly mature and cool person ( excuse me writting an actually latin), keep doing this great work, ciaoo
JeanBrothersGrimm 3 years ago 28
to me virginity is something that is important. I lost it to someone that i did love but i havent has sex with anyone since. But if i was to have sex with someone i dont think that it would be a big problem to go ahead and have sex with them but i do think that i would have to have strong feelings for the person and be able to feel comfortable around them i think that having sex with someone should be another way of showing that you love that person very much
LiteSkinnedBeauty 3 years ago 26
Virginity is Everything the more u wait the best.The ones who have done it say its nothing but deep down they are suffering big tym,they know they ave fckd up.
33207 3 years ago
This mentality, if true for a sizable portion of people would eventually lead to virginity not being an important thing in society, which is where most people I know, myself included stand on this subject (19 year old university student).
crabid 3 years ago 4
I'm sorry to sound a skeptic but I once had the thought that virginity was an important thing, and I lost it to somebody I loved, that didn't work out but I have no regrets. To me now however, if I liked somebody a lot, I would have sex with them (assuming them willing as well ofc -- lol) and to me, it wouldn't be particularly important. It would simply be two people showing a mutual affection for one another.
crabid 3 years ago 8
I would say that there is a sort of cultural focus on virginity, particularly amongst organized religions. I was not aware of this until my first sex, and in the midst of the family anger and other issues, I remember that the one looming in my mind the most was "I am not a virgin anymore. Who'll have me now?" I had learned this view that my virginity was what I gave only to the man who would be my husband. I now know that my value is more than just this thanks to a more mature relationship.
Nilyore 3 years ago 17
i think there is a lot of emphasis on virginity now because there are so many people out there that dont "value" it anymore. I think trying 2 teach kids 2 wait is a great thing so that they WILL value it. They will be able 2 have that first experience w/ someone that they truly love, & want 2 spend the rest of their life with. It'll give them time 2 find someone they have that deep spiritual & emotional connection 2, rather than just having sex 2 say they have "done it". Goes 4 male & female.
willsmonkey 3 years ago 13
Thanks, this really helped putting "wild, freerunning" thaughts on there place
(that was pretty difficelt to to say)
I really only want to "serve" my girl, i only want to make her happy, sometimes i got the inpresion (dunno if thats propper english)she wants to, but it never is clear, but i'm never shure, maybe i dont know her enghough+ whot you tolt (how mutch it means to a girl)
makes me say: Guess I'll better quit thinking, and let evrything land, like it does
Wel that felt gd sayn
wybo2 3 years ago
I think you should collect all your videos and publish them, it would be a great inspiration to ALL YOUNG ADULT and beside probably make you an incredible amount of money. Keep Going and Good Luck
pagemasterone 3 years ago
My BIG apologies to the person who wrote 'You're old enough to start writing a book'. I meant to click reply and accidently clicked delete.
I was going to say thank you. And I do plan on writing a book soon. But my book on virginity might actually result from a doctoral thesis or something like that and needs years of research for what I envision. But hopefully within the next two years I'll have a book out on the shelves of stores. =-D
kicesie 3 years ago
Thank you for putting up these videos! Sometimes I felt bad for being a virgin in high school, but I also didn't want to be like everyone else who wanted to get rid of their virginity as soon as possible to some guy/girl. I don't know why, but there was this perception that if you were a virgin past a certain age, you were a loser. I blame those teen movies. I heard that waiting is becoming more common now, so I feel better about being a 20 year old male virgin XD It will happen when it happens.
DioYuji 3 years ago 8
Noone can decide whether anybody but themselves are ready, as kicesie expresses frequently. Also, for guys it's very different than girls. Guys not only have nothing that could tear, or streach, but also recive more respect from peers and friends if they 'lose it'. Girls are the ones who will feel the pain if there is any, basicly, and depending on who its with, may get labeled
Coombsdrew 3 years ago
I do want to point out that we shouldn't underestimate the emotional impact sex can still have on a male, regardless of age. I've heard from MANY men who had such a bad or disappointing or (emotionally) painful first time that they have definitely been scarred.
kicesie 3 years ago
Guys not only have nothing that could tear, or streach, but also recive more respect from peers and friends if they 'lose it'. - Coombsdrew
i'm a guy and i just want to say something, my first time i had a somewat pain full experiance of my forskin geting stuck over the head and tearing cuaseing amens amount of pain and going to the doctors with a somewat imbarising problem so pls don't think that it is only good for men becuase if u have ever had a horny girl bit u you wouldn't fell the same
4TheFalKen 3 years ago 14
I also think that too many peolpe thinks that virginity is the same as self-respect. If you dont respect yourself then you give your virginity away easiliy, which I think is not always true. If you decide to share intimate moments with a person doesn't mean you don't love yourself just because he or she wasn't the person you end you life with.
LanfearLaguielle 3 years ago 2
Virginity is something you feel. A girl might NOT be a virgin, but still feel the second or third time like the real first time. What's phisical it's just....some flesh, what's really important is what you FEEL about what you are doing.
Sex is something really for mature people, and I think the real first time is when you feel satisfied, you smile thinking about it even if it was long time ago and if that realtionship ended badly.
LanfearLaguielle 3 years ago 8
I'm 15 and recently lost my virginity. It's hard to describe how I feel about it, but I don't really see why people make such a big deal about virginity. I don't look at sex any differently, or feel any differently about it now that I'm not a virgin, and I would definately still take care about choosing who I have sex with. In no way should losing your virginity mean that you are now free to, or have to, have sex with anyone, or be more promiscuous.
iarescientists28 3 years ago 5
My family ws ruined because of my past mistakes I guess that how I put it I was a pregnant teen when i met my husband he was by know means a V but he wanted to know what it felt like to have one sooo he being the PIG he is cheated on me with a younger girl who was there for we are know longer together and his children are the ones who are hurting all because...i didnt save myself untill marriage My advice to young people is to wait and make it that much more special!
IamSumyrsmommy 3 years ago 2
hey ive had sex, but i dont realy remember it, so i still feel lik mentally im a virgin
rooferxo 3 years ago
You would be interested in Hanne Blank's "Virgin: An Untouched History" It's really changed the way I view the concept of virginity.
Melodies26 3 years ago 2
I'm a guy, I'm 26, and I'm still a virgin. I am also PROUD to say that. For me, the concept of virginity is both a spiritual matter and a matter of love and respect. I respect my religious beliefs enough to wait until I'm married to have sex. Also, I have enough love and respect for my future wife that I want to wait for her to be my first experience.
DMURPV36 3 years ago 10
thats preety stupid thhoughts.. they way u r explaining is the life of an animal who don't care who it is having sex wid.. but as a human u got brain that can tell u whats bad and whats good.. so don't try to be imply animalistic behaviour since u r sencefull hman being.. not an animal...
viqahm 3 years ago
I completely agree with you. A couple of my friends have already lost their virginity and now a year later they have been with like 6 different guys already! They arent even out of highschool yet! I think they only care about the frst time because they will be "losing their virginity" and might be nervous and a bit more self concious the first time. And i know that they werent ready.. that is a whole other issue!
mustangbabe08 3 years ago
(cont.)
To me virginity is an abstract concept that mattered in societies where birth control didn't exist and it was important to control womens sexuality to be sure of who the father of every child was, societies where marriage was important for economic reasons more than emotional.
today I don't see why virginity would be important. That doesn't mean I think you should have sex with just anyone at the age of twelve, but I guess I agree that you should ALWAYS think twice before doing it.
lissamaria09 3 years ago
for me it's very strange how important the whole virginity-thing is in the US. At least in scandinavia, and I think in all of Western Europe, it is very rare that people actually want to wait until marriage with having sex, and I actually have only one friend who thinks virginity is important (except for some non-european, muslim friends).
lissamaria09 3 years ago 3
I dont think virginity can be TAKEN from you. It is shared. It is not taken from you like a possession. There are girls in my grade(im 13) who give blow jobs, and it is absolutely stupid because they just want to sound cool. I think that every sexual encounter you have should be special, not just meaningless sex.
NiiTanYLiOn315 3 years ago 4
I am 13 and ive never kissed a boy and i havent lost my virginity but please can you do a video about sexuality and how you know when you're not straight. I will email. You can read it out in my video.
MangoPeach08 3 years ago
I think that virginity is much more than a piece of vaginal tissue that is still intact.
Most kids start giving blowjobs at age 12-13 these days. Virginity is lost at that point.
Not that it has any value anyway.
It's more important for religious people and especially Catholics, I guess.
Svet69 3 years ago 6
a big problem I have faced (sexually) with my girlfriend, is that she lost her virginity years ago, and did that make me less special to her? I waited = she didn't. The reality is, it was that time, that place, and does not affect how she feels about me and our sex life.
for other Guys:
Past experiences are such a terrible thing to focus on. They can be relationship killers, and it is really unnecessary. Best movie I've ever seen about past relationships is Chasing Amy. Rent it.
Dylan9384 3 years ago
If this is a really big issue to you, please message me and maybe we can talk out ways to realistically make you feel more comfortable with both of your pasts.
kicesie 3 years ago
i think that virginity is important in someways. you dont want to give it up for he wrong reasons and i think that people are doing it earlier and earlier. i think people need to be educated more and know that its ok to say no. Once you can do that and u think ur mature enough i think you should go for it. Im 16 and i lost my virginity when i was 13 to a 17 y'old if i new now what i new then i think i would be more willing to voice my opinion.
2dollaher 3 years ago
I hate the whole concept of virginity. In the past it was used to label who would be more loyal to their family and God. I think we've grown beyond those dated views now, but still tote this label around.
I think with every non-pressured sexual experience you gain something; you only lose something when you're not comfortable doing what you are, and whatever that is, it's much more valuable than your "virginity".
PlatonicKamel 3 years ago 5
If sex was meant for marriage, why do we as humans have sex drives, urges, arousals etc? Most religious people confuse sexual attraction and lust - both of which are completely different from each other.
updowntv 3 years ago 2
she is excellent she should definitly write books nice work your vids gave me alot ot think about thsnk you
alcaponage 3 years ago 5
I think it's building relationship with the first person, that we're trying to lose it to the person that we're most likely to spend the rest of our lives with. This is to get the best possible relationship with that person. The first time is so important on building that because of the learning experience you go through with your partner. Every experience with them will build that relationship more, and sex is so important in a romance relationship, like kissing, to learn together.
shppthwhtfx 3 years ago 3
surly, I agree.
meetbychance 3 years ago
I beleive that the reason that people put so much value to virginity is, or at least orgianaly was that its your first time so you want your first time to be the best for sentimental reasons. Another thing is among younger men of around 18-24 its seen as a sort of satatus if youve "had" a girls virginity, altough "had" is the wrong term because it was always hers, this realy in a scence barbaric. I think that man or woman you should aproach every sexual encounter like your first.
arnick232 3 years ago 5
Hey kicesie ,maybe you should do a blog about your opinion on circumcision and if it affects the bedroom.
alex3914 3 years ago 5
I know someone who was absolutely devastated when he and his girlfriend had sex before they were married. They felt like they had "failed God" and let down everyone in their respective families. They even decided to separate for a period of a few months in order to serve penance for their "crime" (and missed each other terribly during that time!). They both felt like they had lost some kind of "purity" that they could now never have back. I think that's a terrible way to look at it!
TheMathGuy 3 years ago 2
Yeah, that sounds pretty sad...
kicesie 3 years ago
What about love!!!??? when we dont have our virginity to give anymore we still can give our love too! thats the problem i think people have!!! they think they're worthless, and thats not true!
kingleo16 3 years ago
I'm 19, still a virgin, and a patient of several neurological disabilities who nevertheless maintains 3.5-plus GPAs and is told by therapists (who can't see what it's like to be out in society) that I come off as insecure but normal. Why doesn't anybody wanna lay me? Also, you said before that as long as a man isn't circumcised it won't for him when he has his first time. I am circumcised, so what did you mean by that and how can I avoid this problem?
dogkelp 3 years ago
i think you definately lose your virginity emotionally in a certain sense with every new partner. So to me, that means you can make virginity what you want it to be. Physically no, you're not a virgin, but emotionally I believe it's up to you.
paint1487 3 years ago
I totally agree that society has virginity all wrong. I'm a virgin because it's very spiritual to me and I want it to be special when it happens. That being said, I realize that temptation is a powerful thing. People make mistakes and they shouldn't be condemned by that. I would totally marry a girl that made a mistake, recognized it, and saved herself for marriage from that point on. Physically you can't be a virgin again, but I think emotionally you lose your virginity with every new partner.
paint1487 3 years ago
I'm a 21 year old virgin myself.You make some interesting points. I have to admit that my thinking I should carefully choose who I lose my virginity with but after that, I might go loose! Maybe people should really consider EVERY partner they want to have sex with.
Also, may I ask if you ever noticed that those who ARE having sex, seem to have it with the same small group of men and is it wide and varied?
And a final note, you seem to have your head screwed on quite firmly on life.
NHY2006 3 years ago
My last boyfriend slept around for 4 months out of our 6 month relationship. i did not know of his affair and we had sex one month into his secret affair. i feel that he took my virginity (or "lost" my virginity). Could it be i say this due to tramatic experience? Because i have a wonderful loving boyfriend now and i feel convinced that he was my first time. Whenever my ex gets brought up as taking my virginity i practicically deny it without feeling that i am lying. Why do you think this is?
joyess937 3 years ago
Because I think virginity is as much an emotional and experiential thing as it is a physical one. Many women have told me that they shared their physical virginity one point and their emotional virginity at different point entirely.
kicesie 3 years ago
Thanks for the response! It made a ton of sense. I have one other question for you, i'll send it through a message. I know you probably get hundreds of questions, so i'll understand if you cannot get to it any time soon. thanks again, Kicesie!
joyess937 3 years ago
.... so it seems some people see it that you have to save it as long as possible then they think its not a big deal, and some people, the opposite. i have just seen that most people who are virgins and dont want to be dont take it seriously enough. i think that if you wrote a book, it would be a best seller, not just because everyone is a virgin at some point, and most lose it, but secioty has distorted it so much that no one really knows how to feel. i still dont understand how the concept.
Pearlixi 3 years ago
i think that alot of times teenagers are convienced that virginity isnt a big deal until after they have sex, but afterword they find out its much more complex than they ever thought and then god knows what happens. thats what happened to me and most of my friends. unfourtinately for me, i thought that made me a whore because then people expected me to sleep with them, so i got depressed, one of my friends thought that ment she could sleep with whoever, another told everyone it never happened
Pearlixi 3 years ago 2
Well, i think u've got this in the bag, girl. Are you going into this for a profession?
EternalE333 3 years ago
Yep, eventually a doctorate in abnormal psych and a post doc in sex therapy. :-)
kicesie 3 years ago
well that's great!! yeah i wanted to get a degree in sex therapy too, but im still not sure how to go about that lol but i love what your doing. it really helps people. especially your video to you terrorist. That was hard and i know that but you did soooo well. much love, me
EternalE333 3 years ago
I'm not a virgin, and i do care who i have sex with. Like you said, after your first time you really dont care who you have sex with. but virginity is a big thing to me. I kind of wish i had waited.
GothAngel09 3 years ago
the first time you do anthing is scarey. but giving your virginity especially for girls in my opinion i more dornting because of the risk of pregnency and STIs and dissapointing the person you are shareing your first time with and imonly 15 so i have yet anouther reason not to have sex partly because its not legal and i arnt in a commited enough relationship.
xxsophiecrispxx 4 years ago
wow. you're cute
bmw335hdk 4 years ago
I suppose the most logical argument against premarital sex is the risk of getting STDs or unwanted pregnancies. Even birth control and condoms aren't fool proof; are we expected to spend the rest of our lives in confinement to avoid all diseases and risk? Doing everything in life is a risk; getting a job is a risk, telling someone you love them is a risk, posting a comment on Youtube is a risk; life cannot be enjoyed without risk.
MooncakeUtopia 4 years ago 6
I am a 29 year old virgin male, it really doesn't mean anything either way.
day50912 4 years ago 6
It would be nice to have sex though, especially if the girl seduced me.
day50912 4 years ago
Seduction seems to be a lost art these days.... At least from my observations of people and their sexual lives.... and that's sad.
kicesie 4 years ago
im 22 n still a virgin lol. but ive got to the point now where i simply don't care. if it happens it happens, if it don't it don't.
vegunited06 4 years ago 10
Okay, i have a question. I've been reading up about virginity..and a lot of the different things i have read lately were that people in the world are starting to say that "losing your virginity" or "sharing your virginity" can be by a finger, penis, tongue, or alone. I was just wondering what you think about that? and why they would even say that...becuz i always thought it was just sexual intercourse.
brucas4ever2010 4 years ago 2
I believe virginity is something that you give that cannot be taken away from you. To your point about after you are no longer a "virgin" you can have sex with whomever, that is my view. If I were not a virgin, I would not be saving sex for marriage anymore. I would go and enjoy the world. I am a 25 y/o male, and I am proud to be a virgin til marriage! Thanks K for all the great stuff!
therealginjiamano 4 years ago
continuation....In my past views when a teenager it would have been devasting to me to have lost my virginity, but if you were to ask me why, back then I would not have been able to tell you. But it was cuz of the concept I had of it, which was really not "my" concept anyway but the social concept forced on me unknowingly by society, the beliefs I had were not even my own! and its a bit shocking when one first wakes up to the social conditioning that has made up their identity.......
AmazonHerbGirl 4 years ago
Wow, some powerful stuff there! Send me a message and let's talk about this more over email... (I'll give you my address in a message if you choose to send one)
kicesie 4 years ago
Sure I'd love to talk more about this, I'll send you a message with my E-mail in it. :)
AmazonHerbGirl 4 years ago
Hey Kicesie, Great much needed video topic!!
My views on virginity have changed alot since I was a teenager, they were of the "Norm" like you said in video,I thought of virginity as a "thing" I had identified with it as being apart of who "I" was and if I "lost it" I'd be lossing part of myself, but its not "me" or a thing, its a mental concept!!!like when you drink a coke for the first time, did you lose anything?? I think its important to make this distinction!! I want to co-author you book!!
AmazonHerbGirl 4 years ago
Well... about virginity, some girls do oral and anal but they claim that they are virgins... So guys... beware of the 21st century virgins :))
GinaReginaGina 4 years ago
And guys who have had oral and anal claim to be virgins. So girls, beware of 21st century virgins. *sarcasm*
Your comment is sexist whether you meant it to be or not.
It is up to each of us to define virginity... and to discuss what virginity means to us with our partners. It is totally fair to expect to discuss your sexual history with your partner... but it's also fair and okay to say 'I still believe I'm a virgin.' or, 'I've had oral sex and therefore I don't feel that I'm a virgin'.
kicesie 4 years ago
Virginity really isn't anything good or bad. I haven't skied, and I haven't had sex. Both look like fun.
day50912 4 years ago 3
try them both out and then decide which one you like more :P
pkerallstar 3 years ago
But I also do not believe in the "marriage" ideal and than losing the virginity in case of girls, as than, what than...than a girl is stuck with a guy in who is not really a man for her as she realizes the same night, that she looks not at him but only on herself, where I think that most of these girls later have affair after affair and see their husband as the one who does a job for her to have a life that he shall not know about. But, also this is acceptable but very calculated and unfoccused.
NeuroConcept 4 years ago
And in some ways, I haven't lost interest in non-virgins as there sex is sex but just with getting older and being able to think in more defined ways, a virgin girl, let it be a +18 year old virgin girl is something that I feel as more clean, supportable and loveable as a woman where I am the whoever number and she also is same for me, as I am not innocent as a male does it give a basis of not being playtime but serious encounter of love and sex with a woman who never had sex of any kind.
NeuroConcept 4 years ago
What I'm hearing you say is that you like to have sex with virgins for this variety of reasons... but it sounds like you are not a virgin. Double standard anyone? If, as a virgin, one isn't as 'clean, supportable and lovable' then nor are you since you've had sex. It's a sexist view and quite honestly not a very smart one.
If I've misunderstood you, I'm sorry.
kicesie 4 years ago
My personal interest in virgins is based on having a sexual relationship with a woman not only based on "f*****g" her the hymen away, but to have sex in a way with a virgin girl that is based on loving the still existing hymen in multiple sexual ways, licking, touching, sex toys, all one can imagine and on one day to finally break on through...but not after a week or a month but maybe at point of time where other persons stop their relationships due boringness etc...starting a new chapter...
NeuroConcept 4 years ago
why do you block comments on your videos? :P
hentajus 4 years ago
Because I don't have the time to monitor 66 videos!
kicesie 4 years ago
my personal feel on virginity is true oce you've done it biologically yes we are no longer a virgin but with each partner we have its a new start. so i guess what i'm trying to say is when you get into a new relationship you're a virgin again because its going to be differant and new and your first time with them. I don;t belive in married to have sex as i feel the best relationships are when we arn't married. marrage is personally to me just a certificate.
virgoinlove3091 4 years ago
i was that virgin girl for 19 years.. my thoughts and comment to eveyone about sex was always wait till you get married ... that was my plan.. untill a few months ago .. i guess it makes me hyppocrat in a way becouse i only knew this guy for 2 months.. but he made me feel so comfortable, we havent broken up yet and sex is still special...BUT
fidget5 4 years ago 3
I agree with you for the commitment requirement for sex, but I support no sex without marriage for both males and females. For me the meaning of a committed relationship is marriage and if happen things did not worked out, divorce is the solution. I think the reason people have sex without marriage more often today because it is easier get out of a relationship regardless both, one, or non of the involved parties sincerely committed when they started the relationship.
MyPileOfDigitalMedia 4 years ago 2
you were a virgin...20 years ago
david13395 4 years ago 2
Kind of going off of vnt31, if you're still a virgin sometimes it's like there is something "wrong" with you which I find horrible. There is nothing wrong about not wanting to "throw away" your virginity. This is kinda what your video was about. girls especially shouldn't have to have sex just to have sex so they can "get it over with" and not have to worry about it. Guys too. Our society has this underground view about virginity and it's so retarded that we are pressured to lose our virginity.
BrightMagic22 4 years ago 3
All my guys friends say they never want to have sex with a virgin...
needless to say I dont tell them I am a virgin:-)
lol
but seriously:(
vnt31 4 years ago
I think that's a fairly immature reaction that your guy friends are having.
kicesie 4 years ago
I remember back when I was younger(early 20's), I had the opportunity to sleep with a female friend who was a virgin. I am this hopeless romantic that, epecially back then, had this romantisized view on how the first time should be, especially for a girl. My first time was so unspecial that all I can remember about it was how old I was and who it was with. Thats it, and I didn't want that for her. She didn't love me and I didn't love her. We were attracted to each other, we made out....
mirceabarasab 4 years ago
But I didn't feel that I could be that special person for her to look back on later in life and smile about, remembering that momentous occasion. Looking back I wish I had gotten past my romantic notions long enough to realize that I could have still made it special for her. In the end she had sex with a married guy that treated her like crap afterwards. I guess in the end it was more inportant to her to get it over with than to have it be a special moment... to be continued.
mirceabarasab 4 years ago
Now that I am older I've come to realize that it doesn't matter, maybe it never did. I'm a guy so when I was in high school it was a big thing to be sexually active, and I was but none of my friends knew that. I was 12 when I lost my virginity, my best friend thought I was a virgin until He found out because we slept with the same girl(not at the same time).
vnt31, if you're ready to lose your virginity then it will happen, if not don't worry just don't rush it because of your male friends.
mirceabarasab 4 years ago
For a man, Virginity is considered a weakness, your not a man till you have lost it. For a woman it is a stigma, to have given it away. The double standard is ridiculous and I agree it should be changed. To say that once you have lost your virginity as a woman, you have nothing left is a terrible way to perceive the situation. Every time I have ever been with a woman, I have felt I was the recipient of a great gift. The intimacy of the act whether its her first time or twentieth doesn't matter.
InfernoAD 4 years ago 3
This is crazy dudeman407 because I just don't understand people like you. You admit you're lying to your girlfriend and you're sad she doesn't seem to trust you. :o
I think virginity is very important, but however, if it's not the first relationship, that's it.
Making sex for the fun occasionally with anybody passing by is overrated.
myth2k7 4 years ago
My girlfriend is a virgin and she keeps telling me she wants me to be her first but in my last relationship when I had sex things became awkward. So I have basically been avoiding the subject of sex with my current girlfriend because I don't want to ruin our relationship but sadly I think she thinks that I don't like her because I am not having sex with her, what should I do?
dudeman407 4 years ago
I think you should stop trying to avoid it. Maybe if you explained things out to her and stuff, she'd push less on it. The fact of the matter is, you can't really know how your current relationship will be affected with sex until you actually do it. However, if you don't feel ready, tell her that.
1sadseuxally2 4 years ago
Virginity is over-rated. I think its best to not make a big deal out of it, it's built up to be way more than it is. The first time always sucks, so just get it out of the way so you can move on with your life. Sure, it should be with someone you care about ideally, but ones hymen/penis isn't made of gold. It's just a milestone to be crossed, nothing more or less. And the longer one waits the less significant it will be.
theistus 4 years ago
I don't totally agree. but I understand what you're trying to say.
kicesie 4 years ago
idk i am a virgin now but i dont know if i want to be a virgin on my wedding night. I am catholic but i dont think i want to be a virgin then. I know is very speical and all of my other friends are not virgins. DO you think it is better to wait until ur married or not?
ohboyitslindsey 4 years ago
I lost my virginity to some random girl I met at a club, I did'nt really enjoy it, I wish it had been with a girl I actually knew...
SuperCat 4 years ago 7
I think excessive virginity can hurt a person. It comes to a point (around age 27), especially if you're a guy, that you just need to lose it, and what will hurt you the most is if you're a guy and you're old, and you still can't let go of your ridiculous "first time" standards. Letting go of those standards is much easier said than done. Virginity is honorable to a certain point, and then that honor becomes sour and it doesn't matter anymore.
dmed312 4 years ago
The way I see it, I have a virginty for ever relationship I'm in. I have standards, and need before I'm ready to have sex with my partner. It's allowed me to feel like the sex I've had has been meaningful, and I think it allows me to keep the state of mind that sex is important, and something to be held high even if it's not the very first time.
michelephantx 4 years ago 3
I think that's a great way of thinking about it!!!
kicesie 4 years ago
This reminds me of a line from the movie Hot Shots Part Deux.
He asks 'I assume that you have been with a man?'
She answers 'Actually I am virgin, I am just not very good at it.'
Larkvall 4 years ago
lol! I like that! :-)
kicesie 4 years ago
Search "Hot Shots: Love Scene" on YouTube to see it.
Larkvall 4 years ago
i think that people don't really care after their first time because for your first time you want the good first time and good first impression. after that you can want to work to make it as good or better as the first time, but you'll always have the memories to fall back on.
edwinshap1 4 years ago
i have a friend who became permiscuous after she had sex for the first time, shes only 15 years old. I think a lot of it has to do with being afraid of it up until your first time and once your comfortable with it your not scared to have it again. And as one becomes more experienced, the sex gets better.
Petrone68 4 years ago
this is a great doctor of humanity
bmwsauber 4 years ago
I have had sex with one girl in my life and it was a girl I dated for 2 years, mind you i'm 17 now. And we recently broke up and it seems that after all this time its like even if/when i do move on i dont want to have sex with just anyone, just the next girl i fall in love with, most likely in college, if i ever learn to love again.
sounds really "emo" if you want to call it that, that i am not over her, but.. ill post a more detailed video response later
ericerzah 4 years ago 3
Ok well here is a legit question..I think...
As far as virginity goes...
I have had 2 friends who both have said they don't count their first time as actual sex because they either didn't bleed or didn't orgasm or both..does it count as sex then. I know you said the hymen has really nothing to do with virginity but does what they did count???
crimsonlorelai 4 years ago
I think what 'counts' as sex matters only to them and their partners, present and future...
kicesie 4 years ago
Relax, it's just sex.
marjan15 4 years ago
Ok so why do some girls then fell like they HAVE to be with the guy they lost it to. My ex is like that cuz of that and the fact that hes her kids father when the guy is a straight up asshole.
jdhardy69 4 years ago
I found it strange when one of my friends, friend said one day that she was a virgin until last year and that after that she had sex with 5 guys or so. Sorry but after she said that I thought she was a skunk. Why wait years denying your boyfriends sexual intimacy and in a switch become a slut.
porrablue 4 years ago