George Carlin - Things You Never See

[bernhardjohansenetc]

This isn't funny at all.

[advisory1]

To the man who said george carlin is god i have to disagree cuz if he was god he wouldnt believe in him self and question it so much he would disapear lol, but he is one of the best comedians EVER!

[soapage]

If I ever get arrested I'm going to tell the officer to calm down and have some dip.

[Ohgottis]

Lol this guy rules :D

[JoshAllain]

If George Carlin were still alive now, he would even say, "You never see a picture of Sarah Palin blowing a moose"!!! LOL

[Samael994]

ah but with the magic of photoshop, its really only a matter of time!

[JoshAllain]

True.

[LuvLennonMcCartney]

I would have loved to watch him live and i am truly jealous of anyone who did...

CARLIN IS GOD

[jewishdad]

charles manson

[oldupchuck2]

have some dip, off margaret thatcher's strap on dick.lmao.

[Music4AII]

"Honeyyyy.. Remember when we told the children never to play on the railroadtrackkk..?"

[SmashingJack420]

Not one of his funniest bits, but still great nonetheless.

[fatality228]

calm down... have some dip :) LMAO!

[UJS8X]

I always announce to people I'm going to the bathroom when they try to talk to me about something comepletely fucking unimportant that I don't give a shit about and I just cut them off in the middle of a sentence with "uhmm yeah I gotta piss like a race horse so I'll be right back."

[roflschofel]

I'M PREGNANT YOUR THE FATHER AND IM GOING TOO KILL ALL THREE OF US , calm down have some dip.

[GoblinXXX]

Calm down... Have some dip.

[Indigodelta383]

people who discover him via shining time station where suprise when they

saw this

[pyroclasm32]

Holy shit! It's the same voice! I NEVER KNEW!

[quakingaspen23]

I'd like to see Margaret Thatcher strapping on a dildo.

[originalgena]

NOT

[CharlieFreakin]

Honey, let's sell the children, move to zansibar and begin take opium rectally.

hell yeah.

[Shotblur]

George Carlin = first!

[afrosoda]

this dude was hilarious! true legend

[marpoq]

yeah i hate it when those faggots tell me what they're doing in the bathroom. what do i care!? just tell me you're going to the damn bathroom!

[asher666]

yay... 600401 - RIP Rufus

[yamimakaiz]

SockMyDink yeah very nice christian morale. i see how people are nice because of their religion. i'm an atheist and i would never say 'how good that the man is dead'.. any man, a christian, an atheist or a criminal. because death is not something to go "Hahahahahah." about. you fucking sociopath dickwad

[Davidkoosh]

sockmydink your name and your comment just shows how religious people are these days incompetant uneducated Failures at life

[Seoshinawi]

another one, brainwashed by his parents, how sad.

At least Carlin knew the truth

[berserked90ita]

Hahah! If you really believe what you're saying you're going in hell too, because you lived of hate!

[orangenorth]

When I find your grave SockMyDink I will do the sme thing ^^

[whitmer87]

You're a good Christian. Did God teach you that?

[Atheismrulez]

The good thing is that no one gives a shit about you. You're a worthless piece of shit.

Also, I hope you die of AIDS.

[lennex88]

who are you talking about

[Atheismrulez]

Some douche that goes by the username "SockMyDink".

[mudvaynefosho]

i hope someone rapes you then kills you then when you die ill open your grave and shit in your mouth

[chublets]

"do what you want to the girl but leave me alone!"

LMAO!!!!!!

[Warning93]

0:23

Lawl

[Sesquipedaliantique]

0:42 ...thank fuck for that!

[Philfa]

I love the face he makes after he says the part about the hot poker and the phallus mutilation.

[Pr0t0sz]

Actually when George died my friend drunk ran down my street buck naked shitting with diarrhea to honor him. Things you never see R.I.P greatest man in world.

[AwalkingModification]

that was off of jackass so your friend fails!

[Pr0t0sz]

Yea they did do a jack ass thing on it. So did a lot of other people.

[skweekyclean]

he said that line only because jackass did it. (but it was more in the earier days when it was just cky. before they met up with jackass.) pretty sure its in this same stand up that he has some material about it and he goes off for about five minutes

[ajr4888]

Uhm no.CKY did the skit because of the Carlin bit.He was performing this material while those guys were still kids.

[theunknownmaggot]

"you never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed". that would be cool and disgustingly stupid.

[Wynvove]

"Calm down, have some dip."

what??? LOL

[Ryannpwns]

He looks like a crazed Anthony Hopkins at 1:22

[jetaimemina]

Or maybe it's sort of a John Cleese type of face!

[BlueGalen]

This guy was pure genious, unafraid of saying lots of politically and socially incorrect jokes!

As we say here: BRUTAL!

[shezcrafti]

I miss George Carlin :(

[Vampwatch1462]

WTF is a Rollbar?

[robman47]

a rollbar would be like a roll cage like a jeep would have.

[VaterlandLegion]

3:07 lol...

[jeffreycoley]

lol the face when he said that at 1:22 was hilarious

[Kjfeasc]

21st

[Dreamerx47]

BURNED MINE ALREDY.....do i have to buy a new one?

[flipkid2006]

I actually have seen someone taking a shit while running at full speed....i dont know how the guy did it either but it was gross! :(

[lindsaygrenee3391]

"as soon as i shove this hot poker in my ass, i'm going to chop my dick off."

insaaaaane!

[VinceLA91]

why are people talking about Jackass in a george carlin video?

wtf?

[enimemftw24]

cuz there fags

[marleymike2]

HAHAHAHA you confused little 15 year old.

[Chriscolefan666]

I wonder if hes ever seen Raab Himself take a shit running at full speed because i have on jackass lol

[sl0ppyj0nes]

This as before jackass, jackass.

[BatistaBomber93]

do u mean dave England cause he can shit on command

[BenjaminxkNight]

no it was Raab, and it was CKY not Jackass.

[lightningflame77]

2:45 lolololololololol awsome

[EvilLordZim76]

2:50 Word Mr. Carlin, Word.

[shawnmcghee1]

In his bit on answering machines, he says, "If you had to take a shit, say so." Only Carlin can say two opposite things and be funny both times.

[juliabagaria]

Yeah, I hate to hear that last thing. So good!

[Cerberus664]

"you've never seen somebody takin a dump while running at full speed!" actually I've seen my cat do that XD

[pier49er]

Amazing! Record it next time.

[abr71310]

He meant people; and it's happened before, you just NEVER see it normally.

[chuygarsia]

haha

i laughed so hard when i heard that

[Litobx]

Dip makes every situation okay! :D

[jakey161]

carlin wears nike windrunners!

[ShaneMoFxxxinHuff]

wow i think you just proved yourself to be much funnier than george.....fuckin prick

[emodude123123]

i wanna see a guy taking a shit running at full speed, would be funny as hell

[MRNICEGUY131]

Here's another one, "Hey, did ya hear?, Dane Cook is ACTUALLY funny!"

[Socialhuman13]

I'm not sure if laxatives would really count. I think he means just natureally shitting yourself while running. Heh.

[FuManChu]

He obviously never got to see the pain Olympics. I'm sure one of those guys has mentioned sticking a hot poker up their ass before they cut their dick off, sadly.

[mobile513]

Well, this was the 90s, BME didn't happen yet, although I've heard it was faked, so it may have never happened.

[shadow1423]

i have seen the second one

[binhatin]

what is that

[gotthenumbers123]

watch cky bam takes like 17 laxatives with a jock on runs down a street and steraight shits his self

[andyt2296]

r.i.p cArlin we will miss u

copy and paste this if ur sad he died

[Shmecky15]

I love Carlin so much he is so funny

[binhatin]

i want to see someone taking a shit while running at full speed!

[MunkiesbrainS]

If I'm not mistaken, I believe they accomplished this feat on the show "Jackass".

[Ironfistconsumerist]

As soon as i put this hot poker in my ass, im gonna chop my dick off! XD Fucking Brilliant!

[pilowpants12]

marathon runner dont run at full speed genius..

[goldenhoney7674]

Lol @ "i'm pregnant, you're the father and i'm gonna kill all 3 of us!!!" hilarious

[losttribe3001]

"calm down, have some dip."

[boo647]

french tickler..?

[stevensonjames26]

there isn't enough of carlins material on utube

[lygophile]

"you never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed"

i've seen it. marathon runners don't stop for a shit...

[seanyboyslashleethax]

ive seen a man running at full speed taking a shit :D

[LiVeFrEeAnDeNjOy]

yah me too it a video on the net

[xxCesarxxOJxx]

me too, raab himself from cky

[ACParker13]

hahahaha ya, that was awesome

[RomascuCristi]

RIP

[xrandyrhoads]

why do people feel obligated to say RIP like you had a connection with him, no u liked his work thats it, stop making yourself feel important cause youre an overemotional douche. he pushed the boundries on the social norms and in a way you mock his work by a stupid comment. yes im hypocritical but at least i have the common curtesy to not waste peoples time in the hope to get people to give you the thumbs up sign cause they also have an exaggerated emotional conciensce.

[RomascuCristi]

Don't be a cunt, i said rip in respect to his work, i never insinuated anything else other then that.

Why would i fucking care about a thumbs up?Do you think your opinion is relevant to me?

[xrandyrhoads]

It is relevant to you because you replied to my opinion if you didnt feel threatened by my claim you would try to justify yourself. and ill be a cunt if i so please.

[lmeister3]

RIP Good sir

[KanonXD]

Is he canadian?

[moosthebeast]

no he is from new york

[KanonXD]

thanks

[janohermano]

i wonder, ¿why does everything good that United States have to offer comes from New yorK? you know, Martin Scorsese, Moby, George carlin?

[RomascuCristi]

Irish

[herrogelo2]

I wish he could come back to life right now, beat the crap out of you and shout 'Watch my videos first, dipshit!' If he did, you might think the next time you 'pay your respects' to someone without knowing anything about them.

[herrogelo2]

You're sitting by yourself with a party hat and two sparklers because some-one died. Someone with much more comedic talent, observational skills and general intelligence than a conservative could dream of. Someone who was admired, respected and loved by more people than you even know. A man with courage and strength in his convictions. A man who lived a very full and happy life.

In the solitude of your lonely, miserable life, listen for the sound of yourself failing epicly.

[lenerbean88]

oh no he didn't.lmfao

[Lukasound08]

Requiescat in Pace can't be translated as an imperative, and the abbreviation Rest in Peace is actually, technically wrong since the Latin source was actually a prayer/blessing and isn't to be confused with the concept of psychopannychism. Either way, George Carlin ruled and wherever he is, I'm pretty sure his views haven't changed.

[sweetgingerboy]

actually, i HAVE seen someone shit their pants running at full speed. Remember the NY or boston marathon a few years ago? some chick lost bowel control and continued to run. someone followed her with TP. Fking great!

[KidFunkyFry15]

have you seen cky with chris raab? he took laxatives and ran

[xrandyrhoads]

that went against the laws of physics priceless

[MAEMASTERBETA]

Margret Thatcher... *shivvers at thought* ARGH!

[Tailas444]

he didn't over dose

[Seriousbizniz69]

He died out heart failure you dumb fuck. That wasnt suicide.

[jeblen187]

lol sell the children and take opium rectally.

[rich0319726]

Why do people say RIP to George Carlin? Think about it!

[mirandaadria]

RIP is a latin phrase and is both secular and non-secular.

[rich0319726]

Hey mirandaadria,

That may be, but George Carlin in my opinion, if alive today, would hate people saying that. As an atheist, he believed that when you die you are dead and that's it, game over. The phrase "rest in peace", seems to imply there is something more or something he could do about his status of being dead, and he would have said that is bullshit.

[mirandaadria]

Good thing that's your only your opinion, and the rest of us are free to do whatever the fuck we want, eh?

MERRY CHRISTMAS, btw.

[carnivoriousleaf]

I need you to agree with me to validate my own beliefs!

Merry something-or-other, perhaps just happy Thursday

[saanzacs]

RIP George Carlin

[dragon547]

jesus christ thats hilarious

[wolfgange63]

Thanks for saying so...I made him that way!

[stem7360]

hes only funny because he has irish blood in him....up the irish, greatest little country in the world

[swimfa42n]

Is there a George Carlin video on youtube that doesn't have a religious argument in the comments?

[purewcing1]

lmao oh i wish, check the carlin vidz wit like 50 views, probly 2 ignorant assholes arguing there

[koolaidman0934]

i dont think so. everyone turns what he says into a religeos argument. honestly if your really religious he's probably not a great comedian to listen to for you. haha.

[Iced1992]

Why would he? It's the biggest problem we face today and the biggest problem any pseudo-intelligent species will ever run into.

More so, you can solve any other problem in a matter of decades, but this one has failed to be solved.

[hairy708]

Got to love george....... Man... If only everyone totally understood his points the word would be a better place.

[Rodrigo0100]

indeed, specialy his religion point.

[stilliremainhere]

Fuck ALL religions.

[killersushi99]

Cant Jesus just be Jesus?? Why does he have to be white..black..middle eastern? HE'S JESUS OK HE CURED PEOPLE WITH HIS HANDS cant you just leave it at that? Its like people want to claim Jesus as one of theirs like they are his aunt or uncle.

[rosepetal34]

no i can't where the fuck is the evidence that he cured people show me the evidence NOT USING THE BIBLE

[FilletofHinduCow]

Amen!

[Mephistonia]

Christians make Christians look bad.

Things you never see- a tolerant zealot, the Pope wearing a Slayer shirt, and a nun shredding on a Warlock.

[maximumcarnage01]

but if u did....wow the world would explode in a gaping black hole of awesomeness.

[audioholic15]

you christians are fucking messed up you're too stubborn to admit when you're wrong you racist homophobic fascist asshole god is nothing more than an elaborate fairy tale used to control minds and excuse mass murders of thousands of people more people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason

oh and by the way jesus was not white as you may think he was middle eastern

[markuz008]

oh my god. youre the one who cant respect people! leave ur religion, god dont need a prick like you.

[SuperMoose123]

while you say your a christian, why are you so rude, surely u shoudnt be a fag for no reason?

[Sheb88]

why the hell is the "it set off the smoke alarm" part missing?

[flyershockey17]

what show is this from?

[RunX2XTheHills]

ive seen someone taking a shit while running at full speed. Raab from CKY. it was on Jackass.

[wozny666]

2:20 damn good:)

[wheeler1]

how do you get that link with the time?

[wozny666]

just write any time in that format, its enough.

[DeathStrawberry15]

just type it: 3:41

[audioholic15]

heres something you never here: God Please help out the devil he seems like kind of a lonely guy

[MORTALKOMBATandSOAD]

iv actually said that once

[Kennedy55]

eww wut the fuck

[MORTALKOMBATandSOAD]

i was replying to wat audioholic15 had said

[centerpoint2010]

i actually have seen my friend crap while running full speed. bad pizza + track meet = terrible stains

[magicman3969]

i think we should all start naming things you never see right now

[kageromaru]

"As soon as i put this hot poker in my ass I'm going to chop my dick off!"

Holy freaking hell (holy hell.. isn't that just, stupid?) that's some awesome random thing! :)

[umiami85]

I have seen someone take a shit at full speed....Matt Damon's cousin

[ChevyGuy14SDMF]

raab himself did it in the cky movies

[JokersBabe456]

"Calm down... have some dip."

[RezKid214]

this guy is awesome, one of the best, a comedy legend, lol

[loqutor]

You never see a homeless man with a bottle of Gatorade.

[soysaucefool]

Have some Dip!

[beergutguy1010]

pure fucking genius

[marathon1974]

His face at 1:24. LOL!

[chodaboy57]

Coincidentally enough, it looks very similar to Billy Connolly's face when he was talking about prostate exams... "there are two ways in. The first is a camera through the hole in your willy... FUCK THAT!"

[bloodyEVILeye]

Omg my fingernails are so stupid because they dont eat junkfood looooool that you have never heard before !

[MadaHata]

"Im pregnant, your the father and Im gonna kill all three of us!!"

xDDD!!!

[DropASharp]

Calm down, have some dip!

[SanityEndsHere]

if only Carlin had lived long enough to see Sarah Palin! he would have taken a shit all over her.

[jamianm]

"Have some dip" Pure Carlin

[kenduru]

heres something everyday dad doesnt want to hear:

dad...im gay

[captainsexi]

Kenduru, if i said the same thing to u everyday, u wouldn't care what it was after a while.