Added: 2 years ago
From: stanhopetv
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  • this guy would love deerhunter

  • "Is someone masturbating in YOUR sandwich at the local diner? You MIGHT not think so... but this horror movie graphic will change your mind..."

  • YOU MUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

  • Bill Hicks was more ahead of his time, but Stanhope is far more fun to watch

  • 1:36

    More people need to realize that

  • doug stanhope honestly is someone i would get along with too well. He's just an amazing rantist.

  • total truth, generation after generation raised on action movie after action movie. But ya cant expect much else from who we've been brought up to be. And it takes alot of guts to break a cycle of that magnitude. To kill a part of yourself that you've been with since very early in life. Pretty much the only person you identify yourself as... Its time to kill yourself America. Death leads to new life.

  • Hey, some missing scenes from Fight Club.

    I love that movie

  • @nlty2000 if you dont get it, you're a fucking moron

  • @nlty2000 No, Jeff Dunham...NOW THAT'S COMEDY.

  • @JovialEel

    You pussy!

  • I hope the 300+ million USA residents watch this video at some point in their lives.

  • he should have like a radio show or something; i love just listening to him complain about shit.

  • 11 boring religious cunts thumbs down so far

  • damn this is depressing

  • "Can you get pig flu from pork chops?" ... "No."

    That cracked me up.

  • It was okay until he started ranting about inane bullshit.

  • @SaladofStones ...but it's true.. fear is easier to buy into than reality, which is boring and lame

  • Nooo my focus!

  • Ron Paul and Doug Stanhope in 2012!

  • the mans right.. we follow blindly like sheep. listen to ALEX JONES

  • @mrgodism and sheep then blindly follow Alex Jones to get their fear fix from a different source.

  • So shut up flip on the news and carve the fucking turkey! :D

  • Look--Beethoven's 7th, especially the 2nd movement, shouldn't be dropped as background music to anything. Unless you sit down at the piano or stereo with the sole purpose of playing or listening to Beethoven, don't fuck with it. It's a cheap trick to use something that good merely to enhance an already effective message. I mean, you could put this music to anything--a Palin speech for instance--and make it seem profound.

  • @bepaetzold shut up faggot

  • The corrupted "news" media lies about predators, terrorists, viruses, shootings, etc. because they know these stories bring ratings. The are legally allowed to lie too.

  • Fuck ... this is unforgivingly bleak, its making me question the worth of my own life. But am I horribly hungover and feeling a little fragile

  • @0BusterLuke I hope your feeling better dude :)

  • @0BusterLuke Welcome to reality.

  • should of ended with the trailer exploding

  • XD wheres your teen at now? prolly gettin the shit kicked out of him

    lmfao best shit i heard all week

  • @jjtheslayer69 It is funny because it's so true  =D

  • I dig the Beethoven in the background. :)

  • Where's your teen right now? Probably getting the shit kicked out of him.

  • @AManNamedCM2 your teen is probably fucking someone.

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  • The best misanthrope!

    With the best I don't give a shit attitude!

  • I watched all Doug Stanhope videos on YT .. Now what

  • @resistanceunion

    Go watch all Bill Hicks videos if you haven't already ;)

  • @consciousness3000 Then go to George Carlin. haha

  • Joe Rogan

  • my god,what an unconventional genius with a shit hot insight into convention

  • I'd carve the turkey, but I'm afraid of turkeys!

  • Can you get Swine flu from pork chops??! --No.

  • after watching this video i dont know whether to feel better or kill myself

  • I watch the news hoping that stuff will happen and i get disappointed that it doesn't

  • Why isn't this guy in Congress? We have incomprehensible clowns all over the place, why not have a clown that actually makes sense?

  • Brilliant!

  • i want to have a cynical threesome with charlie brooker and doug stanhope ;]

  • Fucking hysterical.

    

  • "your Ford Focus in particular...." LMAO

  • loolloollolololololololololodc­cd

  • loolloollolololololololololo

  • loolloollolo

  • loollool

  • "You might not think so, but this horror movie graphic might change your mind." hahahha.

  • lol so true

  • i am more then a girl i am goddess i am earth and moon is my daughter... this is how i know the moonland in 1969 is faked and its impossible to go their even in the future... for a reason. i want all to stay with me until the end of time! you are all stuck here with me forever.. be happy dont worry have fun have sex feel good be cheerful be creative be helpful... x 911 the jews did it for political, financial gains and destruction of all nation!!!
  • what is the song that is being played in the backround

  • @FredrikWahlden beethoven 7th, 2nd mov.

  • This man speaks the truth!! fuck yeah

  • I'd like to see him tell this to the people that were effected by the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

  • @ubernetworkgeek2 Yea and all those people believe the U.S. gov't had a hand in it. 9/11Truth.org.

  • @ubernetworkgeek2 Oh ,shut the fuck up, Pollyanna.

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  • I love doug!

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  • @iamleothelioness Well, your name appears to suggest that your name is "Leo". So, that's not a good starting point.

  • so funny. it's gonna be benign but still brought up every thanksgiving.

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  • IS SOMEONE MASTURBATING IN YOUR SANDWICH?

  • well lets look at the amount of people killed in the trade towers -2,752. Population of the USA - 311,254,437. Simple math shows that on September 11th an American resident had a 0.00000088% chance of being killed by a terrorist. The odds of you dying by something like this are insurmounably low.

  • @mischiefpwns no, it's 0.00088%. But yeah, it's still very low.

  • @Indrius 0.0000088%. You're both smart as Americans.

  • @YesImLiam do the math: 2'752 divided by 311'254'437 is 0.0000088. This is a fraction. To get percentage, multiply this value by 100 and you get 0.00088%. Next time, before trying to insult someone, be really really sure that you are not the retard yourself. Adios!

  • Does anyone know which recording of Beethoven's 7th this is?

  • @RH98 I'm not sure which recording, but it seems to be Doug Stanhope's theme song. I've watched dozens of his videos on Youtube in different venues, and Beethoven 7:2 is on most of them playing innocuously (but powerfully) in the background. It's one of my top five pieces of classical music.

  • @Ersa1a Yes... when I heard it used in The King's Speech I couldnt help thinking it works better in this context. To me it speaks more of tragedy, failure and longing; it has a slightly 'pathetique' vibe to it. I really do not think it is a triumphant piece of music, at all. Also this recording is beautifully tender.

  • After the scare with the neck thing...

  • It takes a fucking drunk comedian to speak the real truth. You gotta love it...

  • Spoken like a true obtuse American.

    Sure it's a funny shtick but the hurt is going to arrive on these shores, is already here for many, because we have set the wheels in motion through our lack of compassion and sense of justice about how to live in community with our fellow-man.

    People have become programmed through excessive distraction programming along the lines of the bullshit you spew for a buck.

  • @2dogarage You really think that YOU will have something like a terrorist attack happen to you? You, yourself... not America in general.

    You're dreaming. That's his point. Most of these things we get hit with by the media when it comes to fear is happening to such a small percentage of us that the chance of them happening to you is miniscule. ESPECIALLY a terrorist attack. You may be right, of course, that America as a whole is doing it's best to invite some things.

    But that's not his point.

  • @Comax2003 I guess all those folks who died in the trade towers were dreaming too?

    As far as his "point" there doesn't seem to be a viable one, he's just another soapbox junkie.

    Wake up America, the destruction of our way of life was set in motion a long time ago, we're being cooked like the proverbial frog placed in cool water on top of an open flame. I can't help it if others haven't noticed.

  • @2dogarage Yes I agree that none of us can bet against any sort of massive event rocking our lives. I don't think that is really his point. Its the everyday stuff he is talking about. The way that the news makes going to the shops, or walking the dog sound scary... and the danger comes from every direction. Nothing is safe.

  • Love ya Doug. And Charlie Brooker

  • *standing ovation*

  • *clap clap clap*

  • Nothing ever happens to the average guy..I was hoping a giant griserly bear was gona burst in his back and do him from behind. just when he finished saying ...happens.. Lol.

  • This guy should be the voice of humanity !!

  • I could do with a martini

  • Doug Stanhope for president...

  • Jesus Christ!! He's about as refreshing as Jonestown Koolaid!! Christ, made me wana go for my straight edge razor an just put an end to it...

    Ok, seriously....LOVED IT...LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!

  • A well informed funny funny guy ;)

  • Come and see this fella in Liverpool at St George's Hall on 6th April.

  • "daughter flies home" oh..."its be-nine" " dad i was so worried" "dad im pregnant" ..you die on the bed and your daughter sucks your dead wang

  • @kiserschaus Be-nine, eh?

  • fucking depressing. but he does have a point

  • What a guy

  • "in the Dakotas"...nice touch :D

  • This man is brilliant. He's like a darker George Carlin.

  • @WRF713 That's exactly what I was thinking after I saw this video this guy is brilliant.

  • Enough of the Hollywood fluff and conciliatory hacks the world has been accustomed to. This is the real deal.

  • I once saw a show of him, i think it was called deadbeat hero, were he was obviously drunk. Later i saw that same show, but this time he wasn't drunk and he wasn't that funny either :P.

  • what's the classical music btw?

  • @ratcatcherman Beethoven's 7th Movement 2

    Enjoy!

  • I feel like killing myself now, lol.

  • Awesome!

  • he's always got a drink in his hand no matter what, man i love this guy

  • I love Doug and I love Beethoven.

  • carve the fucking turkey

  • George carlin's soul found a new home.

  • The time is now- Wake and do it peacefully...

    Talk to me Carolina G - Thinking

  • I don't have a TV anymore, i get news on-line etc, but for a really good dose of fear try the youtube conspiracy circuit, it's great because of our distrust of the establishment then any nutter could spin you a paranoid yarn which never usually transpires and in that time between "shit yourself" and "hey you lying fuck" your tweaking your own a-hole and destroying your faith in other human beings, still you can always come on here and bleat off your jaw and laugh at the other bullshit.

  • the reminds me of the Onion News "there is Bullshit going on somewhere"

  • He is comedian...period. Lighten up folks.

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  • I disagree; there is always something going on in our lives, no matter big or small, sad or happy, bad or good. There is always something going on. For people who refuse to acknowledge it as if their lives are meaningless, that's why there are so many people got depression. It is not the social media creating the horror and fear; it is the fear for going outside their comfort zone that kills people. You must have known this; otherwise you wouldn’t be saying it.

  • Sshelly34213, first off he is not dead, but relavent, he IS alive and speaking his mind, so what, is there a problem with that?

  • 66.666 views. awesome

  • I can't even believe that this would be on TV in the UK...They would never dare show this in the US. Wow...KUDOS UK!!

  • @joeldoucet Sure they would, but they'd put it on HBO-which most people pretty much have already.

  • There was a regional tv news programme here in the UK, i think it was called "Good News". It only had nice, good news stories. The programme didn't last 6 months because no one watched it.

    They only wanted to watch the shit that goes on.

  • this bloke is brilliiant, like charlie brooker he has the ability to say what alot but not enough of us think and know but dont have the vocabulary or perhaps even the balls to say ourselves, thank god that man is in america speaking his great but troubled mind and thank god for charlie brooker in our country doing the same,

  • Doug, ruining everyone's perception and causing suicides since 1990.

  • @Chnamanjx go fuck yourself!

  • @duders28 ... I'm a fan of Stanhope. I meant "ruining perception" as a compliment. That's what a good comic does.

  • @Chnamanjx Weak,

  • @Chnamanjx ruining their perceptions? He was one of the few who had a gift for accurate perception, just like Hicks and Carlin. He tried to fix American's distorted perceptions and spread the truth, as ugly and raw as it might be. The suicides were probably a plus.

  • @Chnamanjx BTW if you want to cash out of this miserable nightmare or have just gotten tired of it...Google...helium bag suicide...no muss, no cleaning,painless as well.Just take a few pills , have some drinks,put on some good music, put the clear loose , comfortable bag over your head and breathe deeply....boom ! Unconscious and not ever returning.

  • @justcallmeassinine Gunshot to the temple, off yourself the manly way.

  • @Chnamanjx Not as certain..you could end up as a vegetable on life support....that's what your macho ethic might get you.

  • @Chnamanjx But this is a great monologue that separates Stanhope from the others.Its cynical commentary not really comedy.It has a lot in common with Pat Condell's monologues,if you haven't heard him you should check him out.He used to be a comedian/entertainer in Britain.Both guys are very very good.

  • @justcallmeassinine No he has nothing in common with Pat Condell. Pat Condell is a racist bigot and above all a completely uneducated, narrow minded twat that needs to do the world a favour and roll over and die. Condell shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentance as doug.

  • @icemanisdangerous Come on now i know you not a muslim......right ?

  • @justcallmeassinine No I'm not a muslim, what's that got to do with anything? just cuz I'm a white male I can't think Pat Condell is a mindless, racist, biggoted twat? It seems you use the same retarded logic as Condell.

  • @icemanisdangerous Hey whites males are the most alienated of western people and thus make up the fastest growing group of new Muslims ! So ...just asking !

  • @justcallmeassinine What a load of utter utter bollox. Piss off and take your KKK hood with you you prick.

  • @icemanisdangerous Go stuff yer dad's bunghole ya wannabe towelhead !

  • @justcallmeassinine lol go fuck yourself you uneducated, ghost costume wearing faggot.

  • @icemanisdangerous On High St the Paki curry houses will let you eat for free.Just stick your face in the the Paki loo and suck up all the free curry you can handle.Courtesy of your local imam ! LOLOLOLOL !!

  • @justcallmeassinine PAt Condell would be proud of you. You sum up his retarded beliefs well.

  • @icemanisdangerous You started with the obscenities. I like Pat Condell and happen to think he is well spoken and correct. He and Stanhope do share a few points on which they converge.As Stanhope gets older he sounds at times, a bit like Condell.So let's agree to disagree.

  • @justcallmeassinine Let's just agree you're a dick.

  • @icemanisdangerous Ok I agree ! You're a dick ! : )

  • @justcallmeassinine And now we'll agree that you're a dick that can't come up with any kind of retort. : )

  • @icemanisdangerous I will agree that you are a dick and cannot come up at all....,(a limp dick if you'll pardon the expression) ,...if you insist on it. ; )

  • @justcallmeassinine And we'll agree you're a dick that can't come up with any kind of a retort and also got it's ass handed to it by me through this whole conversation. Glad you agree with me.

  • @icemanisdangerous So this is what sharp biting wit passes for according to you ? Yes ,you are a legend in your own behind.You are a wanker and nothing more.

  • @justcallmeassinine Rather that then a racist bigot folllowing a complete twat like a mindless sheep.

  • @justcallmeassinine Nono, You are wrong. Pat Condell is an unfunny fuck and completely irrational in his hatred towards people who have different viewpoints than his own.

    This guy is a comedian who is often actually amusing and therefore DOES have a brain. Don't confuse the 2.

  • @Chnamanjx I was born 1990.. Awesomee ;D

  • Doug Stanhope ruined newswipe. Why's that fat-headed alcoholic on this show? Get rid of him.

  • @smegmadiver22 Then go and watch your sterile comedians making jokes about tv-dinners and ATM fees. or fucking red dwarf or whatever juvenile garbage you get off on. When you grow into a thinking human being come back here, K?....K.

  • @Daneoid81 I love it when someone lays down what they think is an awesome burn, when in actuality they just made a twat of themselves.

  • @smegmadiver22 Keep thinking that buddy, whatever helps you sleep at night...oh and you are subscribed to shockofgod, not only do you have bad taste in humour, you are also a deluded creationist moron. I take back the comment about you becoming a thinking human as that will obviously never happen.

  • @Daneoid81 I was quoting Stanhope to begin with. A "thinking human" might have realised that.

  • The answer to Doug's 2nd question is:

    Yes. How do you think Mayo is made?

  • I just loved the part where he says one day you're going to fall in love and get your heart totally broken, then you'll meet some person who's not that good-looking, has not much of a personality to speak of but they're stable so you just "settle" for them, get married and have equally bland kids together. So true. That's everyone. Seriously. That's everyone summed up pretty accurately. Hence this need for things to fear adding some needed excitement/purpose outside the boredom/disappointment

  • Hey Doug--I know I haven't mentioned it lately, but I still <3 you.

  • Holy shit this guy is spot-on.

    I need to go do something crazy. Right now. Like sell all my possessions and hitchhike across the country. Or go on a killing spree.

  • There's big bucks to be had peddeling fear,I better get down to the drug store for some vitamine D before all hell breaks lose in my body, just saw it on the news.

  • "where's your teen right now? ...Probably gettin' the shit kicked out of em"

  • "shut up, flip on the news and carve the fucking turkey"

    epic

  • I need Doug Stanhope to get through all the bullshit.

  • I am so glad I found this! Doug is awesome.

  • LMAO!! This is so true

  • amen

  • doug stanhope is a son of a bitch

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  • @johhny3rubs A funny one at that.

  • #Niggers