Sonichu - Subepisode 2! The Audiobook! Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of my Heart"

[CheifMcCloud]

I hate you Chris.

[myrkvargkjetter]

...this is depressing. That, and poorly written. But mostly just depressing.

[smile221]

Chicken nuggets are disgusting. They're just like...random bone and intestine paste. Why can't chris at least be a "healthy fat" person? you know, the kind who eats a balanced (if large) diet and good quality ingredients so they have normal skin and don't shit themselves daily.

[SGTSoap281]

The reason that 15% of his heart is still intact is because it's mostly cholesterol.

[ApocalypticRadish]

Looking for love with a belly full of nuggets

[BartekCorporation]

The way the narrator says "EIGHT CHICKEN NUGGETS" is just flawless.

[Majorasword64]

Do you know that when someone died from suicide because of Chris he just said move on? He obviously has something very wrong with him.

[Majorasword64]

It reminds me of that time when a boy my age actually trolled chris into thinking he was a hot girl and even listened to him fap over the phone...gross.

[ReyFlamedramon]

Hannah probably printed the e-mail off and put it on her wall as a trophy. Hell, that's what I'd do.

[SomeLinedPaper]

Oh jesus christ this was painful. Good god Chris, just... aaaauuaaaughhhhaghhguggh.

[MoeMoeLobster]

Mario DID actually teach me how to eat mushrooms!

[ViciousMaiden]

I think what bothers me the most is how he keeps saying that he NEEDS a girlfriend. Bastard doesn't NEED a girlfriend, he WANTS one.

[ZealSeraph]

Lesson 1, Chris: NEVER use pickup lines! They just make you look more idiotic...if that's even possible.

[caligo641]

According to reports on the CWCki forums, Chris had a 2.6 GPA at PVCC

Goes without saying even if that wasn't revealed, but GOOD GRADES MY ASS

[rickwyles1]

No matter how bad your life is, you can always look at Chirs chans life and feel better about yourself.

[Cresset]

Took me a while, but I think "Rosey" is Amy (aka Amy Rose). I keep forgetting that Rosechu isn't the actual Amy, she just looks like her because of, uh, rainbow magic

[protoAuthor]

@Cresset

Nope. She's saying "Bubbles? It's Rosey." Just without the "it's". Chris legitimately fucks up enough, we don't have to force the fuckups on him. I know I've spoken like that before.

[HeyItsMeChadWarden]

Oh Chris! You will always be my purpose for life.

[AkamuSlayer]

Jesus Chris, just, fuck, fucking fuck, Jesus fuck, fuck, Chris, just...fuck.

[clemenceau16]

I miss the old narrator...

[DarkWizardMonkey]

5:08 GODS!!! They only met a few minutes ago!! Get a life Chris >.>

[potatospeederbike]

"starbuckians"

HURRY

WE MUST RETURN TO THE ICED CHAI LATTE SYSTEM

[dameon692002]

Hannah: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH­AHAHAHAHA!!!

*To her friends, via text* ROFLMAO THIS CHRIS GUY IS SUCH A LOSER!!!

[dameon692002]

Wow... "Sonichu... this is his story and nothing less!"

Seems like a LOT less of his story, and a lot MORE about ChrisChan's life...

[mxc82]

This is about the adventures of sonichu right? Why am I listening to a soap opera? It would have been interesting if it was in spanish.

[SlashFirestorm]

I heard that Chris really DID yell "NOOOOO" after this fiasco...got him banned from the place, too.

[DukeNukem2020]

DAMN, CHRIS SOUNDS SO GAY! When Hanna broke up with Chris, he said thinks a chick usually says.

[BigJuicyx3]

"You tricked me and had no intentions of going out with me... But if you change your mind I have a few requests."

Jesus fucking Christ.

[UsagiNintendoGirl]

1:21 I think Chris jizzed in his pants...

[VelLucio]

Chris sure got some artistic talents, especially with the proportions and anatomy of the characters...

[HyrAyl]

I think this girl started smoking right after this just to turn Chris off.

[Dr3adL0ck3d]

haha mario taught me to eat mushrooms

[Maglan1986]

0:45 rapeface

[AltoCat1]

It's always nice to know that this comic that involves Chris getting trolled was drawn on my birthday.

>:D

[Trollaverse]

Damn..its kind of creepy how the hedgehogs just slip into Chris's stories now like Hallucenations.

[dangerous562]

lol seeing makes me think what is this pathetic fat sonic fag doing thes days? probably still no girlfriend and lives with his parents still XD.

[Ulron1]

@dangerous562 He vists tranny forums now and dresses up in women's clothing...really he is, its the funniest thing ever.

[Athils]

He can't blame a woman for anything. They're not people to him, just things to fondle and listen to his whining.

[poopskinTheLiar]

What the fuck does butterfly-heartfull mean?!

[videogamenostalgia]

I love how Chris assumes that we all love Sonichu so much, we really care about how his heart is feeling. I don't give a shit about the 'heart level' of artists I actually like!

[robokill387]

@videogamenostalgia autistic people can sometimes lack perspective, and think strangers would be interested in their personal lives.

[videogamenostalgia]

@robokill387 Chris isn't autistic. He has Asperger's syndrome.

[Athils]

@robokill387 Judging by the existence of the CWCki, Chris would be right for thinking that people are interested in his personal life. He'd just guess the reasons wrong.

[sexhaie]

lso, name of the music? i love the meloncholy sound of it ;3

[sexhaie]

"starbuckians?" what are they, star trek-loving hipsters?

[karleksvenska]

lol rainbows...he even radiates gayness.

[swantonkid50]

That's sad

[Deepblue686]

All of the women Chris draws look like men with ponytails.

I think he's trying to tell us something.

[Wiltothemax]

4:50

LOOK

AT

THAT

FACE

GODDAMN

[Deepblue686]

@Wiltothemax Because this is Chris's shit, that annotation is pretty overused by the 2nd video.

[rptheory]

TL;DR: BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!1!!! 1 I NEEDZ GURLFREND!!

Why can't he just live his life without worrying about sex and girlfriends and just try to be social. Also, wow Chris, writing sappy ass emails like that won't get you pity or respect, it'll just get you more mockery.

[GoldenGoomba900]

I've figured it out! Chris isn't autistic, he is schizophrenic! The child-like behavior! The Incoherence! The social withdrawl! All signs of Schizophrenia! Complications explain his social awkwardness and weight. Why didn't we see this before! The poor man is just plain ill! We shouldn't mock him we should call the guy a shrink!

[Ohflipsnap]

So I need to look up *censored*. How the FUCK do I look up that?

[Kakolosque]

I like how he felt the need to inform us that, yes, there were indeed, EIGHT chicken nuggets.

[Ayatron34]

Rosechu is a better character than Bella Swan at least. Yes I really mean that.

[6676plentybody]

@Ayatron34 @Ayatron34( black " Man" ) loves the penis and the testicles of Batman ( The Death of Batman) deeply in a creepy way for five years.

[CheeseYoshi]

@ 1:54: Wow Rosechu really let herself go.

[Jesterclown17]

... She probably did look him up, only to see a fat 20 something year old in his beast of a mom's underwear.

Man, she sure missed out.

[cagedegg]

I actually think that if chris put this kind of stuff out as a comic book it would sell really well and be made into a movie, because nothing else is as funny as chris' personal life and his view on it.

[Sigfried78960]

This is sad for this guy... :'( even if it's chris chan.

[TheMechanic9000]

0:41 I dont think ive seen anything more disproportionate than that.

[H1GHLANDER360]

Why do i get this feeling, he wrote this to express, his "sexual fantisies"

[oldbluescott]

What the fuck kind of Starbucks is this? Pretending to be interested in weird fat kids at McDonald's is the weirdest overtime I've ever heard.

[Riitje]

The more you know about this guy, the more you wonder how he could ever be as fucked up as all of this. xD Sooooo... Whatever happened to that guy anyway? I haven't heard anything new of him in ages. Is he really of the internet this time?

[ThingxHulk]

@Riitje

nope, he posted new videos the same day/night you posted this comment. one about getting together with his graduating class for his high school reunion (which he was probably deliberately not invited to), and another conceding defeat to the trolls because he (supposedly) reformatted his harddrive on his PS3.

[Xunkun]

0:41 - JESUS CHRIST. O_O

I mean, I'm not "size-ist" but GOD DAMN THAT BITCH IS HUGE.

1:10 - THUS BEGIN THE 10 MOST FAG-TACULAR SECONDS IN SONICHU HISTORY

2:38 - Lesbian? Sweet.

5:35 - Bisexual? Sweet.

So he ACTUALLY did the "Noooooooo!" in public. Ha ha, Chris, if you weren't such a fucking joke, you would be such a retard it wouldn't be funny.

Except it's FUCKING HILARIOUS.

[shadowluma]

It''s healthy to eat at McDonalds for every meal.

(Sarcasm.)

[Deckof51]

Co-Worker: Hanna, do I hear bells?

Hanna: THE BELLS! THE BELLS! THEY DEAFEN ME!

Hanna then proceeds to scale the walls of Notre Dame Cathedral.

[ProlificJigger]

This is a really good one, Congratulations. The director's commentary is a very nice touch.

[DBuilder]

"Bubbles? Rosey! You are not going to believe this!"

wow, even his own characters know he's a f*cktard.

[CaseHa]

wait, how did Chris find out hanna was pranking him IRL with no rosechu????????????????????

[IRAwEsOmE]

@CaseHa

when she didn't give him the china

[handmiadenofgod]

0:53, my god, Chris utterly fails at proportions. My drawings certainly aren't perfect, but that is just ridiculous 0.o

[TheLordOfTheSporks]

Chris should get some more heart containers, amirite?

[1QUOTE1]

You know, part of me actually wants Chris to find someone who will tolerate his bullshit and will turn him into a respectable human being

I know he doesn't deserve it, but I'm a sucker for happy endings. ;__;

Oh well, it's much more funny to watch his failure anyway

[metalWeirdo77]

is this Chris's rendition of

'The tale of the crazy pacer'?

[mechamonster]

I had NO IDEA mcdonalds had chairs like that

[N3vam0re]

Better than Twilight!

[NutriaWhisperer]

STARBUCKIANS

there was so much fail here I could not even begin to describe it

Chris WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

but fuck yeah, zoids music

[bealtespip123]

This event always brings be to tears.....of laughter. Ha ha ha.

[SlashFirestorm]

"This is the face of my electric-hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu."

You know, prior to that, he might have had a chance to turn the trolling around and at least get the girl to let him down easy. I mean, he was SLIGHTLY less ugly back then.

A good lie might have even saved the situation: "A sick little girl, one of my neighbors, made this for me and asked me to wear it today. It's silly, and I look stupid, but hey, what can I do?".

But no, he had to be TRUE and HONEST.

[mordredt02]

Why'd ya do it, Hanna? He was butterfly-heartfull. BUTTERFLY-HEARTFULL!!!

[VelLucio]

The comic itself seem to act solely as Chris's diary.

[Pootsforever]

The video didn't even start yet.. and hahaha.. "The rise and fall of my heart"..bwahahaaha

[poopskinTheLiar]

Me on hannah: GOD DAMN LOOK AT THOSE TUMORS...uh, ARMS

[SlashFirestorm]

I love how Chris is taking this so seriously.

The girl said hello to him and asked him to meet for coffee. THIS IS NOT WHAT A DATE IS. THIS IS A GIRL SEEING IF YOU'RE INTERESTING ENOUGH TO DATE. THIS IS NOT LOVE, THIS IS SEEING IF SHE CAN EVEN LIKE YOU.

Of course, it was a prank, so it's not even THAT. Ahaha.

[NeoSarinatan]

Oh, Chris, you and your habit of quantifying the complex emotions of the human heart into simple percentages and statistics.

[darkgomugomu]

20% repaired? wow what a bitch

[Ayatron34]

Unlike most here, I found this pretty moving and tragic.

[Dojack]

I love how it sounds like the narrator is about to crack up when he says "Starbuckians."

[Jetblast01]

5:30 would be better if Vadar's voice was used.

[Cunnysmythe]

That girl is freaky. When she first appears, her right shoulder just kind of morphs into a breast; she's a lopsided abomination.

[thedancemetaltwins]

Idea: did Chris think he was going to attract women like birds do with uh... Plumage and shit?

Like, women were going to approach him because he looked like a fat creep with this giant piece of shit on his neck and a DS?

[Famardy]

What a dumbass! Why the fuck would he bring his shitty scrap book or even wear that shitty medallion on a date?

[Hells666singer]

@Famardy:

Because that is the only reason he even writes Sonichu, to get a girl. Girl's like guys with talent, and he thinks he has enough talent for ten men. The thing is even if he did have talent, it wouldn't matter because he thinks the world revolves around him, and no one likes a person like that.

[Omnomfischesuppe]

This has to be my second time watching this. I need to numb my brain. I can't thank the narrator or Vivian enough for this wonderful documentation of madness, desperation and general stupidity

[petitenise]

the piano was just so beautiful!! (sobs)

i love the narrator too. <3

and chris. . . just. . . wow.

[ToruKun1]

That "Double-Take Flirt" thing is probably as douche-chilly and asinine IRL as I imagine it.

It reminds me of how in his e-mails to Blanca he described them going to the movies and how he'd do the ol' "Yawn and Stretch" to grope her boob (if she allowed it) and he would, in turn, let her cop a feel of his duck under the popcorn, EEUURRGH

[ToruKun1]

The fact that he even put that line in (even if it's only supposed to be teasing) implies that Chris himself thinks he's marriage material...and that disgusts me.

[vivitheg]

no, this is old narrator

see other audiobooks and more

[oldbluescott]

@vivitheg Yeah, the old narrator sounds like a giant sloth. New narrator sounds like a surfer with a sore throat.

[Ayatron34]

@oldbluescott

Nah, new narrator sounds like the narrator from Pokemon.

[PhredLevi]

I love the slightly confused tone when reading "Starbuckians"

[IScareWomenAway]

I love the narration.

[ToruKun1]

"Hang on, I hear some gossip"? So apparently all girls do is clue into juicy gossip and drop everything so they can eavesdrop on it? GODDAMMIT CHRIS

[Peteman12]

Yes Angels have names dumbass, where do you think the names Michael, and Gabriel, and Raphael came from?

[darkgomugomu]

instead of chris-chan's soap-opera email shit, he could of just said, "Look, i know you pranked me into this, but nontheless you do seem like an interesting person. Do you think we could just be friends?" BOOM! there! hes got a new friend! if that doesnt work, then just slap the bitch.

[vivitheg]

chris, be reasonable? ahahahahafajfkaljdfkla

[darkgomugomu]

oh yeah i forgot the crucial element. Sense. XD

[Lonedracowolf28]

*laughs with you*

pffffffffffgah hahahahahahaha!

[ClownVonDavid]

If he had enough sense to do that, he wouldn't have been the chris-chan we all know and love in the first place.

[darkgomugomu]

do you even have to ask why his heart is down to 20%? its kinda obvious

[EltBerserker]

This craziest thing is that I remember reading Nintendo power and seeing them publish some guy's email about how Sprung helped him get a girl. I imagined a good looking, fit guy with a stubble writing that and was befuddled.

I can't believe that letter was by... CWC. I didn't even know he existed back then. Boy, those Nintendo Power writers... god bless you for publishing that.

[EltBerserker]

Remember kids: Everytime you see that creepy autistic fuck, be aware that he may have drawn you in his horribly scribbled comic. Maybe naked.

[Misterbull101]

the violin was a nice touch

Chris Chan: BAAAAAAAAW!! Please gimme a chance! BAAAAAAW! You pranked me! Your mean! But please date me! BAAAAAAAW

[ToruKun1]

OH LAWD HE SHOWED HER THE SCRAPBOOK OF FAIL...AND HE CARRIES IT EVERYWHERE HE GOES, APPARENTLY.

(Hannah is the greatest person ever and I love her...in a totally platonic way, I swear. STAY STUH-RAIGHT! ;-} )

[Nebr66]

does he just throw the sub episodes in anywhere, because this really confuses me

[KingoffKentucky]

lol starbuckians

[TimeDawg]

Wait...who the fuck IS Rosey? Did she just call...herself?

[vdevil]

although this comic is filled with Lotsa fail,

The narrator and the annotation makes it better and more human to read!

Good job ;)

1:14 Yes, My love quest is finally over!

It should be a meme :P

[PaldinkingXD]

i wonder if chris talks like he does in the comics

a load of crapXD

[bealtespip123]

OH God,I felt embarrassed for being in the same species as him. = /

[ragrappy00]

I'm embarrassed to be on the same planet with him

[genofreek]

The man has taken pictures of himself wearing his mom's underwear and doin' a sex doll. There's video and audio of him doing the most vile, humiliating things imaginable. He's posted god knows how much personal information, including a video tour of his HOUSE. What could he have possibly censored there at the end?

[joshuak451]

He probably later censored it after he found the ED page. After all imagine if she googled his name today lol

[vivitheg]

she's probably here right now, laughing.

[SetzerGabbiani07]

I like how he was at McDonalds for this.

It's a pickup spot and a setting for a romantic dinner all in one! Not to mention, I hear their snack wraps are a powerful aphrodisiac.

[posthumanfetus]

I think Hannah probably thought "Now I have to move to a different town because this guy is going to come into Starbucks and shoot me in the face."

[LucasHorclox]

The narrator..."Oh....my....god, ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod" thing was HIGH-larious.

[BlueKnightNight]

So he's playing a game, "Sprung", to make up some compliments and pick-up lines, huh. Perhaps a game isn't the best of choice to seek advice from.

[FrigidDeath]

"how could the boss defect to the soviet union and then tell her subordinates to make chris think he had a shot for a girlfriend"

I guffawed loudly.

[Iroquois84]

I wouldn't have been able to make it through this video without the Metal Gear references.

Setting up Chris like that.. I guess they don't call her THE JOY over nothing, eh?

[Shadoboy]

Holy poop on a stick...

Have some decency, Chris, and don't go after people like her. You really, really are the definition of a lolcow... -_-

[SpiffytheWonderkid]

Hanna is amazing. <3 I LOVE YOU HANNA WHEREVER YOU ARE! -shot for caps abuse-

[JoeNostalgiaReturns]

So do angels have names?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Keep my spot warm

WAHAHLOOHOOBWAHAHEETEEHEE!!!!!­!!

^thats how I lol @ Chris

[MrBrassBalls]

That damn dirty Succubus! Have dareth she play with Chris-chan's feelings?!

[christianethic]

FUCK YES

[Andjealous]

The Passion of the Chris

[Lyph3]

All you have to do to troll CWC IRL is be a chick and say "hi." He'll think you're his next true heartsweet and be re-shattered when you laugh in his face.

[Lost4ubabe]

Also, her boss COULD be one of her friends- I've worked for ppl around my age.

Besides, if the BOSS is in on the joke, I'm pretty sure coworkers etc were too.

/rationalizing

/shit no one cares about

[MrAwesomeTrex]

"Do I hear bells?" Is a common phrase referring to the bells of a church ringing at a wedding.

[MrAwesomeTrex]

I love how he specifies "8 chicken nuggets"

Suddenly I have a craving for McDonald's.

[moneymandate]

Heart Meter, Chris is such an assburger he can't grasp any concept without it being turned into some pseudo- video game meter shit

[KlayMan2007alt]

Chris goes to one of the shittiest DS dating sims EVER for freaking Dating Advice?!

He's a bigger Nintenfag than me!

[TXiCN]

holy wow this is as bad as it gets

[Hejji]

This is just a stab in the dark, but the "previous events" mentioned probably involve the incidents with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC.

... Though you probably figured that out, already.

[vitralizer]

CWC's IRL RPG

[fman40000]

"YEs my love quest is finally over!!!!"

Facepalm

Chris you will never get a girl friend if you use termonolgy like "Love Quest".

[Funzebub]

"My name is Hanna."

"I'm Christian, but you can call me Sonichu."

[usefulidiot227]

Hanna's got some big ol' titties

[KlayMan2007alt]

Nah, she's just fat.

[Icecreamkatana]

He should have gotten dating tips from Project Rub instead. IMPRESS HER BY PULLING SCORPIONS OFF HER BACK CHRIS.

[JenkNekro]

GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT WALL OF TEXT!

[aquasloth]

I'd like the image at 1:15 on a T-Shirt.  THE GAYEST SHIRT EVER.

[anderseb2007]

Best one ever.

[holla06]

STARBUCKIANS = WIN lol

[ccricers]

"I'm Christian but you may call me Chris"

That makes two of us...hopefully the similarities end there -_-

[yackyack2]

This episode consists totally of GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT FACE

[Jesusmanga82]

Just eight more big macs to go before a 100% repaired heart.

Holy shit, this is certainly dating 101. Truly he is the spergin' casanova.

[SchedeenIndeed]

Delicious.

[Milkyiscolossal]

if i was the mayor of ANY town i would make it mandatory that all women have to have sex with me, instead of doing this pussy dating deal that chris finds to be essential before intercourse can begin. FORCE THEM TO SUCK ITTTTTTTTT

[MrNobodysPinealGland]

"Chuck Paladuck"

D:<

[supercoolsunday]

THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS IN REAL LIFE.