Dirty Ditties & Naughty Limericks

[billseybob]

yankey doodle went to london riding on his mother

everytime they hit a bump he'd have a little brother

[billseybob]

there once was a cardinal from kent

who's penis was so long and bent

he'd fold it in two

as he started to screw

and instead of cumming he went.

[billseybob]

there once was an amorous abbott

and as young boys did pass he would grab it

he stated for fun

that he'd like to do nun

but its to hard to get in the habit

[doaftheloaf]

one of my own...

When I leave them, the girls want me knowing

That they gave me an adequate blowing

That way they can say

That they blew me away

At the same time, I'm coming and going.

[astrofrk]

I guess it takes an Ol' Sailor:

There once was an explorer named Dave.

Who found a dead whore in a cave.

Well she wasn't very pretty,

and she was missing a titty.

But look at the MONEY Dave saved!

[astrofrk]

I guess it takes an Ol' Sailor:

There once was an explorer named Dave.

Who found a dead whore in a cave.

Well she wasn't very pretty,

and she was missing a titty.

But look at the MONEY Dave saved!

[FishNoLegs]

there was a young whore from Peru,

who filled her vagina with glue

said she with a grin

if they pay to get in

they'll pay to get out of it, too!

[DonQuixotedeKaw]

As per a recent request of NeoBards, I wrote this;

Robo Bo Bubba Ba Cunta,

was charged for a softball team's junta,

a Scotch witness was called,

asked if she crushes balls,

said;

"Naaa, she's more of a buntah".

[AnonEyeMouse]

Disturbingly I can only remember one dirty song from school in it's entirity:

Good morning mrs brown, bless your heart and soul,

I tried to fuck your daughter but I could not find the hole,

Eventually I found it, underneath her frock,

believe it or believe it not I could not find my cock,

Eventually I found it, scrawny, long and thin,

believe it or believe it not I could not get it in.

Eventually I got it in, and wiggled it about,

Believe it or believe in not I could not get it out...

[AnonEyeMouse]

... Eventually I got it out, battered, bruised and sore,

believe it or believe it not the bitch she wanted more,

OOOOOhhhhhh... Good morning mrs brown... (repeat until bored, you lose your voice or your teacher sends you to detention. Actually, sing it until you GET to detention).

[seekthevisceral]

Yay! *claps hands*

[rollsthepaul]

A poem containing reference to Timbuktu

Tim and I a hunting went

And we saw three hos

In a pop up tent

Now they were three and were to

So I buck one

And Tim buck two.

[rollsthepaul]

The Masturbation Song Last night I went to bed and masturbated It felt so good I knew it would Last night it felt so nice I did it twice Squeeze it, tease it, knock it all about Whack it, slap it, til the stuff comes out Some people say the feeling of a woman's grand But nothing can compare to the feeling of my hand 

[kelliko70]

Thats great!

[CanadienAtheist]

I don't believe it!

You don't know any dirty songs??? You???

You're holding out on us!!!!!

;-)

[Meiklelodians]

but I came here for the filth :(

[johncrwarner]

It is interesting that some find it hard to say dirty limericks and dirty songs out loud. I am one of them - so I reinterpreted dirty LOL

[gamutman]

Pretty sure that was a Popeye the Sailor parody lyric.

[debbieomi]

OH crap! Now I will have that song stuck in my head. Thankfully, I'm headed to bed. LOL

[AncientAtheist]

In Canada was a lady named Nellie

Who made our bellies shake with laughter, like jelly.

If you think there is more,

know that I'm not a whore

Though I'll charge like a bull from a deli.

[TheOtherSide100]

For that first one... that's all I've ever heard of it, too. I think it's a work left unfinished.

I wrote my own limerick, but don't look for it, as it's way too out-of-line for ladies.

[zarkoff45]

Here's your song on youtube, he's looking for the same information you are:

watch?v=wTrJMWak5es

Check out his comments for more information.

[mchance27]

lol, I went looking for Potter's song too :)

[oojamaflipper]

there once was was a nellie called diddle,

men's winkles she played like a fiddle,

she'd blow and she'd suck,

sometimes covered in 'muck',

less she swallowed it down to her middle!

haha! i just made that up! can ya tell? ; )

[StanMarsh1]

There's filth on the internet?! :O

[TheMudbrooker]

I love swimmin with bowlegged wimmin

cause you can swim between their legs

you come up for air with a mouthful of hair....

...and that's all the farther I know the song. Maybe someone can pick it up from there.

[HaligonianType1]

Canuckistan for the win!

[TerraRising1]

That's Colonel Potter, not Captain, you Canadian Cougar! :)

[nelliediddle]

@TerraRising1 awe crap...one beer & I can't remember shiet

[TerraRising1]

@nelliediddle One beer and you forget?  Get me a case of Molson!

[AbdultheImpailler]

@TerraRising1 Canadian Cougar...LMAO!!!