here i am

[SuperCarolsue]

I take 300 mg of Seroquel XR, which I guess is a lot for most people, but has worked great for me. I just added Neurontin, and that's even better. I couldn't take tons of other meds, but these two work for me.

[SuperCarolsue]

Whatever with the crisis, get over it. I'm 61 - grow up. Everyone has to deal with this, hopefully with a lot more grace and less melodrama. Stop worrying so much about the regular cycles of life, you're just making yourself nuts, not to mention narcicisstic.

[skwid12]

40????? you gotta be kiding me? you are godess!!! i can relate to all your vids, thanks for the share , dave

[Painnnnful]

Are you kidding me??!! You're 40??? Seriously, I thought you were abou 25, max 30!!

[koreamy]

You are hilarious and I so relate to you.....  :)

[flavourine123]

"Is Tom Cruise going to laugh at me?" Hahahahahah.

[BastyBoo]

Stop filling your body with those horrible pills. Get a few bottles of expensive scotch, drink them hard and fast, and go out and get laid ffs

[chamangus]

As for the baby, my only bit of advice is this: I've never met anyone (myself, daddy of 3, included), who has ever regretted having a child, certainly not at (y)our age. They're a blast -- hilarious, and cheap entertainment to boot.

Only thing is, it's tough to imagine covering all the work/home bases by oneself. Best to pair up with someone (man or woman) to divide the labor.

You'd be a great mom, and I'm sure there's no shortage of would-be David Crosbys out there for you. Go for it.

[chamangus]

Liz (may i call you Liz?):

Since moving to the 'burbs (J-town) a few years back, I hardly ever see PW, and so was pleased to follow an internet trail of bread crumbs first to your blog and then, "HEY, it's Liz Spikol on YouTube!"

Sorry to hear about the lonelies, and that you've had to resort to trolling clubs (gay or otherwise) for company - though let's face it, if you're looking for a baby-daddy at Woody's, you're not trying very hard.

[JTonyArts]

Welcome back!

[Achillesinhistent]

I'm approaching 40 and dealing with many of the same issues. I think having kids requires a certain faith everything is going to turn out all right. Like jumping off a cliff, believing the universe will give you a tree branch to save yourself. If you want kids, go for it. Have a few people you have faith in (friends, family, whatever) to help catch you.

[etaksotekili]

There's something about those first trimester hormones that sort of protect you while you're off your meds. And we are SO hyperaware of depression symptoms that we recognize the postpartum stuff right away. Plus the postpartum was nothing compared to my usual symptoms. Most importantly, I'm better after having babies.

[backtotheblap]

Tis lovely to see you :)

[gorgeousgab]

you are funny

[RollingTubeRevue]

i think you're gorgeous, intelligent, funny and damn interesting... i've watched your vids and read your blog for some time now.

i'd have kids with you! ha

too bad i live on the other side of the world!

[comradevodka]

Totally ur call here, a big 1. I recognize the inherent need in all of us to pass our genes along. But If you adopted a baby. Raised that child. Taught it everything it needs to know. Provided for it and nurtured it. It really shouldn't matter if it's ur egg or not. I understand a womans desire for the process and the flesh n' blood aspect but being a parent is SOOOOO much more than that.

(BTW: I have 15 illegimate kids w/ countles women & currently "state hop'n" to avoid back alimony..)

[comradevodka]

( ... and yes I'm joking :P )

[Malmsteen734]

Don't take this the wrong way but if you hadn't said anything I would have thought you were floating around in your mid twenties. I know its kind of weird coming from a complete stranger but hey there's no use in denying it.

[Droyd21]

It doesn't feel right commenting on your vid since I'm quite a few years younger than you but I suppose you need to do whatever feels right, and in your case I do think the first step you need to take is indeed meeting someone you live with as being alone is hard for almost everyone for a lot of reasons. I would try not to worry too much about having children biologically right now even though that is clearly easier said than done for you.

Take care!

[RuiFranciscoVieira]

wow 40 you look amazing

[ichbinkeinberliner]

What a cute video! I totally feel ya sistah! I'm going to be uhh...how old? 36 in a couple of weeks....I would love to have kids, but realistically it is probably out of the picture...maybe if I was more financially independent and stuff, but also the med issue...I'm also not that concerned about hereditary issues...but I've thought: crap! I can't even cook a decent meal! I'd be a terrible mother!!! Anyway, I can relate and I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. Looking forward to more vids!

[akai454]

COMMENT 5 So basically the next best thing to having kids would be to adopt, become a foster parent, become a mentor or do the official "Big Sister Program". If You feel like You made a difference in a kids life, if You've given them a better perspective on the world than what their parents have always been telling them. My little brothers call Me about every two weeks on SKYPE now a days. We're basically family now, forever. This may be for you, maybe not. Take care.

[akai454]

COMMENT 4

 Well they moved to the East Coast, and then their mother left their father and found a better man. So their lives are much better now, but if they only listened to their father then they would have grown up thinking that all America hates them. But now they know that it's just stupid people being mean, and also that there's more good people than bad people, and that there are people of all colors that will love them and be their friends. NEXT PLEASE.....

[akai454]

COMMENT 3 But now I think I've given them a realistic view of racism in America against Latinos and Blacks, and Asians, and Indians.......All from a white person's view. So they know that there's assholes of all races and now they are just regular American teenagers of Latin descent. They have friends of all colors now. So basically I let them know that the World isn't as bad as their father told them it was.

NEXT COMMENT PLEASE...............

[akai454]

COMMENT 2 I think the best thing You might be able to do is to mentor a kid or do the official "Big Sister" thing. My little brothers aren't actually related to me, but we've known them for about seven or eight years now and I think we've made a difference in their lives. Their father is from El Salvador and didn't know any Americans and so they probably would have been as close minded and against Americans as much as he was.

NEXT COMMENT PLEASE.....

[akai454]

Screw tom cruise if he can't imagine what it's like to not be "high on his religion!"!! It's definitely a good thing that You thought about the possibility of Your child having depression and also being taunted in school for being different. If I ever was going to have a kid, I think I would adopt, but I have depression and I don't think they'd let me have a kid because of that, but You've admitted to being gay or bisexual, and I don't know what they'd say about that.

Stupid homophobes!

[CousinoMacul]

My sister just turned 41 on Friday and she celebrated it with her 4 month old. Earlier last year though, she lost her first one to Trisomy18, so it's been quite an emotional rollercoaster for her. I'm not really sure where she found the strength, but she seems happier now than in any other time in her life.

Hang in there! Funny story about the club. :-)