Demetri Martin - If I 2 of 6

[simonorwell]

does this get funny at any point? i'm not trolling, asking seriously

[somebody1993able]

@simonorwell If the comedy doesn't already appeal you then no this special doesn't get better. You may like his Comedy Central special though if you can find it or clips of it, I don't remember what its called though.

[simonorwell]

@somebody1993able thanks

i really like everything i've watched from demetri martin, which is why i was wondering. it actually gets funny in the third part, where he makes jokes.

the 1st and 2nd parts are not funny at all. a little clever, but not brilliant by any stretch imo.

[baDKamPer]

@somebody1993able his comedy specials are called person and people

[MrOmniblast]

@simonorwell

He's not JUST trying to be funny, he's really having a conversation.

[simonorwell]

@MrOmniblast yeah, true, but it's not like he's bringing anything interesting either.

[2LegitToQuit17]

i was gonna study but i guess this works too...he so fucken smart

[MystOfSkies]

I'M GONNA READ A DICTIONARY AND PUT IT DOWN ON PAPER!!!!!!!

[chinacat9100]

......more likely you're gonna call them, ASSHOLE!

[polymatheace]

He really loves himself, it's annoying.

[AidanL5784]

dude this is so much more funny with the speed of the video at 2x

[sabrinaroxursocksoff]

genius. 

[darkdudironaji]

I watched this with my girlfriend and she thought it was weird how similar Demitri and myself are. He's almost the exact same as I am...except his brain ~115% of mine

[fLcGambit]

man this guy is so smart

[djrjuna]

I find it terrifying that this guy is me in another body... All those useless talents are/were mine as well... how did that happen? And now he's makin money off it! But can he solve the cube *while* 1 foot riding a unicycle? Ah-HA!

[TheHappiestFerret]

This man speaks to me so much. he makes so much sense out of the simplest silliest things

[NorthernElumination]

Demetri Martin helps me realize I can be smart without paying attention very much :)

[randomawsomness100]

Dude all u need to do is turn the rubic cube 2 times and it's done! That's not talent!!!

[Kriptykality]

@randomawsomness100 True...but it is a joke

[randomawsomness100]

@Kriptykality still, he coulda made it a lil harder for himself :P

[DaxXx988]

i learned to write with my left hand *when* i broke my right hand, in elementary school.

did all the exams and even did a dictation in german (foreign language). :D

fun times.

[Downbytheriver01]

I have exactly the same useless talents.

[MEGAWILL50]

he makes me rethink everything in this universe

[merullo23]

I've been doing the word algorithms he has been doing since I was little xD I still do them when bored.

[eddiebobjoe]

Demetri Martin. Six words. Reincarnated Albert Einstein... Without funny hair.

[Virtuoso80]

From wiki: "Martin graduated from Yale University in 1995. Although he was accepted into Harvard Law School, he went to New York University School of Law after he received a full scholarship. In 1996 Martin interned for the Domestic Policy Council at the Clinton White House, then after completing his second year of law school he dropped out." Obviously, he later became a successful comedian.

....clearly, his talents are not entirely useless.

[kittyanime7]

he is really intelligent...

[SMOTH1289]

Ray Roman is back doing Stand-up? Awesome!

[emosasukeCS2]

@SMOTH1289 I don't know if that was a joke or not. But either way, it's not "Roman," it's "Romano." :)

[SMOTH1289]

@emosasukeCS2 Yes it was a spelling mistake, I meant "Romano".

[pieceopie13]

i paused at .46 and read all of that. i am still peeing my pants and rolling on the ground! LOL!

[pugmister1]

Lol that rubix cubed was basically already solved. I know he was just doing it to save time, but it was funny seeing it

[TheUnluckyEverydude]

Wow. He's got a lot of useless, if, impressive talents.

[theJRLMchannel]

if the riddler ever threatens the world, we'll just call demitri martin!

[CHUniverse]

thumbs up if you paused the video to read the beer pamphlet

[ThiaLam]

LOL there's a unicycle guy at my college, I see him ride it everyday

[tissetatten]

this is so creeoy i see myself a lot in this dude

[cashmoney10000]

@tissetatten Creepy or homosexual?

[MrKnifeySpoony]

The 3 dimensional puzzle broke my fucking mind

[TheReckoner007]

Why do I want to learn these things?

[KowaiUSO]

This guy is insightful and inspirational while humorous. :)

[XxLaxinatorxX]

The thing with the beer bottle just blew my mind. Wow.

[themanchild27]

I can do the pen twirl thing haha

[whyyMaC]

"Why?.. why, why why.. *whispers* useless talents.."

[SmashingPixels]

Worst crowd ever. They hardly laughed.

[jokedejojo]

@SmashingPixels They don't laugh much until part 3...when coincidentally, it also becomes funny.

[lonebassist1]

I still do things like that. I like word games and puzzles. I wonder if i could get ahold of one of those 3-D crosswords.

[TheOlympian1995]

He should be the riddler in a batman show

[emily496351detective]

I love dane cook and i love dimitri martin, but i have a feeling dane was the kind of person who would bully dimitri when he was young >< thats why their comedy is so different, because they are different.

[stalkingcat123]

@emily496351detective dane cook is a better story teller, demetri forms his jokes and idea's very creatively

[fauxpromises]

@emily496351detective The positive thing about Demetri is that he obviously does use his brain a lot, while Dane Cook's humor usually revolves around the word 'fuck' and describing in detail how he screws girls.

[raeuch]

i trace rooms with my finger like not touching it but like with my mind. oh and i tracce windows and peoples faces and clothes....

[TheClassyCoconut]

441. Not named or classified

442. Lacking physical sensation

443. Showing a casual lack of concern; indifferent

444. A tough outer protective layer, esp. that of an animal or plant

445. Intervene on behalf of another

446. An authoritative prohibition

447. An intervening space, esp. a very small one

448. allow to enter; grant entry to

449. Accustom (someone) to something, esp. something unpleasant

450. Insulting, abusive, or highly critical language

[Aepotheosis]

@TheClassyCoconut 10/10 would read again

[TheClassyCoconut]

451. Likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger in others

452. Make or cause to make a ringing metallic sound, typically a discordant one

453. A practical joke

454. Having or expressing a lively, cheerful, and self-confident manner

455. Naive, simplistic, and superficial

456. A long, mournful complaint or lamentation; a list of woes

457. Be in accord; agree

458. Extreme patriotism, esp. in the form of aggressive or warlike foreign policy

[Djkilla911]

DAMMMNNN im feeling for Demetri cause i could do every useless talent, except using a unicycle, i have way to many useless talents... :(

[Zkoolness]

He's cool because he knows he's not

[mydarlingirishgirl]

I want to marry this man.

[Anneliselove]

I did those things as a child... holy crap...

[fanuvgod1]

hmm..steve jobs does stand up...

[RicerEater1978]

that rubiks cube was set up so he could solve it in just a few turns :p

[somebody1993able]

@RicerEater1978 if he didn't it would take too much time even assuming he actually knew how to solve it.

[BCBCUNC]

the 219 dislikes is dane cook's fan base

[AppleCosplay]

@BCBCUNC I watch both Dane and Demetri ._.

[flipdoggy7]

@BCBCUNC I'll do you one worse. Carlos Mencia. I don't know if I spelled that wrong and I don't care.

[idkyetdou]

@BCBCUNC I like Dane Cook, and this guy.

[comprimiser]

@idkyetdou same

[raistysmom]

@BCBCUNC kinda like 'em both...

[LinkinParkLPKid]

@BCBCUNC Dude I like both of them.

[danglesnipecelly13]

Sit*

[danglesnipecelly13]

Lol I always just sir in class and do that thing with the pen

[CallumConrad]

Absolutely brilliant. Can't wait for the Sydney show.

[Catcherintherye11111]

It seems like he wants a deeper connection with the audience in this show than just jokes. He is a great addition to the world of comedy id want him as a friend imagine spending a day with demetri martin and watching how his mind works outside a comedy theater.

[acfranklin08]

He's so obsessive and wry and brilliantly, charmingly self-deprecating that it totally breaks my heart. I love this man. What a voice of the confused generation, our generation, people who know what they feel but are at a loss to express it. Thank you, Demitri- you've voiced it.

[L3thalShad0ws7]

is his fly open? no homo

[Caseytehspacey93]

I think I went to go for the "like" button about 10 times.

[Tokgabi]

Useless talents. Awww, they're not! Every one of those "useless talents" has a person who can perform them soo masterfully that it makes them . . . infamous. Probably not famous.

[RawkBanderz]

I like how the rubiks cube isn't even scrambled, it's just turned a few times over and over.

[sktrbypro77x6]

season 2 episodes of important things with demetri martin are being uploaded to my channel !:DD just wait my computer is slow lol

[BuffyTheSlayer14]

I wanna be ambidextrous :(

[Dustin2010james]

@BuffyTheSlayer14 To be ambidextrous all you need to do is practice doing the action you want to train your non-dominant hand to do.

[BuffyTheSlayer14]

@Dustin2010james I know that.. 

[animaniac126]

I have friends, who each can do one of the useless talents lol.

[LittleLanya]

I wish I had one of those show programs. =/

[TheMinor2major]

@LittleLanya I wish i had so many useless talents =)

[jsh020]

its amazing how he has his hilarious shows where you cant breath from laughing then he has these shows that arent really funny but so fraking interesting

[Excuseify]

HEY BROS, let's just all agree that: DEMETRI MARTIN > YOU.

Because c'mon, it's Demetri Martin, and his mind is his job. Let's calm those raging inferiority complexes.

[Will1Anderson]

i knew he's pants were fucked in some way :D

[g0alierox]

hes such an adorable, hilarious dweeb <3 :D

[Benjofresh]

why does this have half a million more views than the first?!!

[tuckerpartieshard]

Everyone says they think just like him but be honest you dont

[SpaceNTimeForADime]

This man is just...a genius.

[CanadAssassiN]

Youtube logic: Your opinion is right no matter what. If someone disagrees with you, he or she is automatically either gay or a moron or has no life.

[senorpigyproductions]

I can relate to your useless talents. I also picked up juggling and got really good at it, and once everyone started to juggle, I picked up yo-yoing. Then the same thing happened, then I learned the algorithms for the rubiks cube and got really good at it. I too learned how to ride a unicycle. I also got really good at hackysacking and now I realize how stupid I am for spending all the time I spent learning all these pointless things.

[onforjack]

He didn't know what jangle meant?

[localskateboarding]

this guy is so smart it blows my mind... but I realize he thinks like me.

[BLINDCRIES]

What is that thing he doing at 6:55, I would really like to learn that

[lonewoulf239]

@TheAlexrice Only because Ive seen it so many times :)

[therealdanfan]

@TheAlexrice i do now that I read your comment...

[GangstaBunny11]

@TheAlexrice i know now douche :)

[MikeH1986MikeH]

@TheAlexrice Nice one, now I don't need to wait to be surprised for that bit, seeing as you very intellegently asked to be 'thumbsed up'.

Well done sir!!

More punchline spoilers please

[TheAlexrice]

@MikeH1986MikeH u mad bro?

[MikeH1986MikeH]

@TheAlexrice I don't think so, but one person's madness is probably relative to another person's supposed sanity

[TheJb1rd]

never remove this series please!!

I come back to it every once in a while

[Akeydel]

Is it a bad thing I have a bunch of those talents?

Or for that matter, have the same "puzzle" view on life?

I just hope not.

[nidagichole]

hocoboz and gargantuan......here is the truth:sometimes you actually ARE better than other people.in fact, you are probably better than MOST people. Better meaning better, in every area-smarter, faster, stronger, more manageable/appropriate physical features....it isn't polite to say so, but who cares.just admit you are better, who cares...?whether you say it or not, everyone else can already see it so who cares if it is implied or not.lets get back to the comedy.

[english2me]

I never read the dictionary like a novel, but I do crack it open to a random page and see what words are there.

[lyneajessica]

This guy...Is brilliant. I can relate to him so easily and he is hilarious!

[TreasureChestReviews]

Am I the only one who thought he had weird pants....

[monted91]

@TreasureChestReviews

not at all.

[english2me]

@TreasureChestReviews he sewed them himself.

[smkg24]

Did anyone else notice that he was wearing flowery underwear at 8:45?

[smkg24]

After watching this I fully realized that Demetri Martin is a truly intelligent and funny person. I could never get tired of him.

[glm136]

@sp1naway he graduated from yale bro and went to nyu law school hes smart as fuck! lol too smart to be a comedian but still really funny

[slickageshoes]

i dont get the last joke

[Heligoland43]

I finally realized just now- he has ADHD. Predominantly Inattentive. That's why I loved him so much, all those years ago, because his brain was JUST LIKE MINE.

Why? spend so much time doing these things.. Why. why. why.

[ronaldmichaeljfernks]

@Heligoland43 Are you sure it's ADHD? He reminds me a lot of myself as well, and I have Aspergers so I always kinda figured he was functionally autistic. I guess it's really more a matter of opinion though, as he said in the first video; everyone sees the same things differently.

[Heligoland43]

@ronaldmichaeljfernks Different elements- I'm looking at his inability to control his focus, his endless different skills/hobbies.<-That's the bit that makes him most ADHD. He is a bit, but wouldn't be diagnosable as an Aspie, unless very mildly. He has a very-specific-interest thing, in the form of letter/word arranging, but it could be just high IQ and a specific synesthesia- he literally sees letters move. Aspies hyperfocus on a certain skill can look similar to genius IQ, when that happens.

[pr0dd2k9]

He cheated with the Rubix Cube! It was mostly solved already!

[queendixie94]

At any moment, I am only 4 minutes from a poncho.

How comforting :3

[ImTakingALook]

Granted, perhaps when he made the key, the top equation was the only one that mattered, given that that's the only one the camera shows when he first mentions it as being a challenge.

[ImTakingALook]

In the 9-variable substitution, he didn't do it right. He has in the IAMNOTADORK equation that D = 1, but in the bottom, D = 5, where K =5 in the original. But the key that he made was supposed to apply to all of them.

[yelromgnu]

This guy clearly smokes the MJ.

[LuisSuarez93]

Am I the only one that wants to touch his hair?

[3p1cphailure]

OMG!!! What can you NOT do?

[ghero1123]

217 people thought they had useful comments

[PlanbElliot]

he could have low latent inhibition

[SHaDowHAwK128]

wonder what his iq is

[FORTY848]

dont clap the rubik's cube bit, it's not scrambled at all, it's like 3 moves and it's done

[KingWhoShallReturn]

drewsky684 DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!

[monkeycatrg]

how can part 2 have 2,100,000 views, but part 1 only has 1,500,000 views? do people just jump in 10 minutes late? Assholes. This is great stuff.

[Jaydoggy531]

@monkeycatrg

The first video disappeared but was re-uploaded.

[WaterbenderKatara22]

This is very different from his usual stand up. More personal and introspective. If you want pure comedy, try his special on comedy central, or a great video I found by searching Demetri Martin jokes on YouTube. Anyway, I am enjoying this more serious side of Demetri :)

[LuisSuarez93]

@BuckyJoe00 yes you're right, you are a dumbass...

[drewsky684]

Thank god his career is over

[danagrl52]

@drewsky684 what are you talking about? how is his career over? he still performs.

[silvericeman92]

he ist a funny funny guy.... smart too

[valacorp]

I wish i had a useless talent =(

[galex50]

Before watching this, I watched his other stand up, with the large pad.

That is the difference between The british' or Europeans and Americans.

Just watch that standup after you finish watching this and compare them.

[bilbobaggins84]

@kwabman you're most likely a dumbass then

[buddhaband1t]

yale +nyu school of law .....damn

[oddstuff123]

i read the poem

[infectedlobster]

David after the dentist is featured?????

[shamgar001]

Demitri should write a webcomic. I read a lot of webcomics, and he really seems like the kind of guy who would be good at it.

[onforjack]

I think this one has more views because of the sexy dance moves

[starryeyedocean]

Serious lol

'useless talents ... clean your room ... take a shower'

He seems mildly ocd in an awesome way.

[LieutenantSparkles]

i want his babies

[lilianrodrigo1]

@LieutenantSparkles LMAO

[starryeyedocean]

@LieutenantSparkles You know, somehow, I think that was the affect he was going for when he learnt to do those things.

[AceofClubs11]

genius....in comedy and hes an actual genius

[415815b]

hes my hero :)

[zmbooking123]

funny= watch?v=5TUgnMywuOg

[pandafatxXx]

I admire his intellect

[ladychamberlainisit]

Everyone always goes on about how intelligent he is, but they always forget that he is extremely talented, & multi-talented. Ever see him play his guitar & xylophone at the same time? Or how he draws with 2 hands at the same time. Makes me wonder WTF was comedy central thinking? Canceling his show? morons

[nickle541]

Augh! Im a nerd too :( i liked the little equation thing he did so i wrote it down, and i noticed that in his key he wrote that D=1 and he put a 1 in the D for Dork, but not in the D for nerd XP

[Clitorisaurus]

He's like a more obsessive, superintelligent version of me.

[StardustBeatle1039]

OMG... the homemade pants completely caught me off guard! haha I love this guy so much! Not only is he really funny and incredibly intelligent, but he's pretty hot too. :)

[tythefrog]

Real entertainment.

[RHCP723]

That Rubix Cube was almost completely solved already.

[doyouthinkicare444]

man these are some sweaty balls

[brothamouzoune]

He's crazy. Funny...but crazy.

[Hocoboz]

The comments are just a bunch of people attempting to appear intelligent because they recieve very little recognition in real life due to the most likely reason being, the lack of.

[RHCP723]

@Hocoboz Just like you're doing... right now.

[CrazyLazySnazzyJazzy]

@RHCP723 I think that was the point...

[RHCP723]

@CrazyLazySnazzyJazzy No, that was in no way the point. That whole part was to emphasize the fact that he has developed a lot of useless talents. Maybe he threw that in as a joke, but the rest were talents that he actually had.

[CrazyLazySnazzyJazzy]

@RHCP723 I wasn't talking about the Rubix Cube thing, I was talking about the response you made on the comment by Hocoboz.

[RHCP723]

@RHCP723 Oh, i c. Yea might have been. Oh well.

[Hocoboz]

@RHCP723 Gah, i guess you are right, sort of a never ending cycle.

[jabmalassie]

@Hocoboz

lol

[Stupidthingsstudios]

@Hocoboz like you.

[Hocoboz]

@Stupidthingsstudios Sure