Christopher Titus - Norman Rockwell is Bleeding 5/9

[TheDivaLounge]

Oh I know the bi-polar type chicks. They can be Evil, abusive (mentally, emotionally and physically) manipulative bitches!!!! Trust me.....I've known a few!

[SkylarkVII]

6:50 and on is my favorite part of this whole special

[jasonlajoie]

chick was bi-polar

[TheBrainSponge]

I'm a 5'1 100 pound Jewish girl. Forgive us?

[busterporter2010]

so i summon my man-hood from bottom to top and scream like a little girl im calling the cops

[busterporter2010]

heres a tip for you guys if your gonna beat her dont teach her how to fire the weapon

[rocko508]

i almost spent a night in jail cuz of that women .. but they dont let you stay in jail just because your afraid of your girlfriend

[NO0NEinparticular]

I just wanted to break with this bitch now its a hostage situation

[sephiroth21347]

'I have a sugar imbalance' 'No! Diabetes is a sugar imbalance! You are an estrogen molotov cocktail!'

[shonenjump18]

twas the night before christmas and all through out the house not a creature was sturring except the psyco bitch on the couch

[throwitoutthewindow]

two modes " i love you" and" *hisssssssss*

[trufamoon]

Christopher should be a spokesman for ads about domestic violence towards men..no joke. He should. It's funny but you know is kinda a fucked up situation

[TheMichiganian]

"Estrogen Molotov Cocktail"....

[kirbuu]

my parents divorce involved "rifle cock"I want a divorce. mom was a sniper

[LorenaCaster]

"She had none of that. She had two speeds: 'i love you' and *godzilla noise*"

omg, that reminds me of me XD

[LorenaCaster]

"he had two acres of land... and he was the one who taught her to shoot!! what a dumbass! Here's a tip for you guys, if you want to beat her don't teach her to fire the weapon!!"

too late for me. my daddy taught me how to shoot a few guns, use knives, and use a bow and arrows. boys beware XD

[felineshadow0221]

ever notice how his christmas story ....rhymes?

[LadySekhmet42]

@felineshadow0221 Its like he did that on purpose or something O.O

Sorry, my inner smartass couldn't resist. The story was made to follow the rhyme pattern of the poem "The Night Before Christmas"

[felineshadow0221]

@LadySekhmet42 lol i kno that now before when i saw it the first time i didnt see it (everyone ha an inner smartass its how high school is made bearable....and college to be honest )

[illtackleyouinheels]

Only he can make "the night before Christmas" applicable to white trash.

[TheDrewhulsey]

The best line is "open the door u basterd I'll fuckin break it

[catinator2]

Best part 6:50 to 7:30

[Pinkranger87]

Domestic Violence Desk refrence ROFL

[I3ellamy09]

Oestrogen molotov cocktail!

[TheCoolestGeekEver]

This has to be my 4th or 5th time watching this special! But its the first time that ive noticed that hes rhyming at 6:50 - 7:30!

[pratikh]

This just goes to show you... don't stick your junk in crazy.

[Ragerofmachines]

when all of the sudden there arose such a clatter

i sprang from the couch to see what was a matter

i went to the window tore open the blinds

and there was my girlfriend quite out of her mind

and i'm just standing there heart pounding with fear

she's banging on the glass with a vodka bottle . . . filled just about to here

and i knew the window couldn't take it

and she said open the door you bastard i'll fuckin break it

[CatchingCurtis]

"She only had two speeds: I love you, and *HIIISSSSSSSSS!*"

[Fireproofretz]

AND SHE PUNCHED ME..... IN THE FACE!!!!

[NomnomJawsnomnom]

"Want to hear the funniest part of that story? Y'know where my mom.....shoots....and kills a man?"

[Brino1990]

@wr8y

I hear that.

[Buddha420z]

if you dont lick christopher FUCK U

[solaran90]

@Buddha420z Lick...? No thank you.

[pratikh]

@Buddha420z I don't lick him. What's he taste like?

[skepticalsinner]

"We're gonna get Mulder and Scully on this one... they're not doing anything .. cos Fox cancelled them too"

[sevelev711]

No. Diabetes is a sugar inbalance. You are an Estregen Molotov Cocktail!

[Lovergirl1303]

"She had two speeds 'I love you' and RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!" XDDD Gotta Love Christopher Titus XDD

[kats938]

@fullmetalsaiyan She obviously had to plea insanity because in the beginning of the special, he said she had two different mental illnesses.

[eisnil]

aaahhahah if youre going to beat her dont teach her to fire the weapon! frickn priceless! and good for her!

[polishking50]

Im sry....wooaahhhhhhh.... i have a sugar imbalence....XD

[bsbfan05]

no diabetes is a sugar imbalance, your an estrogene molotov cocktail

[drunkenirsh420]

I liked the anne frank bit.

[HaganNetwork]

press 5 for the two speeds

[beast72486]

I'm behind the fan but the booty is good.....preach on Titus....been there before

[MrIKTPQ4life]

"Huh.....I have a sugar imbalance!"

[Explosive221]

Hell yes the girls crazy but she knows how to apologize XD

[Netherwolf6100]

Titus is such a great comedian. I mean despite the fact that he's naturally funny and he's dealing with his life problems in a healthy fashion and is open enough to talk about them with countless strangers, during his time on stage he never misses a beat, stutters or has to pause to keep his words in order. That rare for comedy today

[MRSketch09]

"want to hear the funniest part of the story?"

[Deringer81]

a little QUARK.....a little glik-t-ch......

[dariosoccer34]

i love how he rhymed the the xmas part :)

[vegetafan09]

"I knew the window couldnt take it and she screamed open the door you bastard I'll break it. I couldnt let her do that, twas my fathers place. So i opened the door and she punched me in the face." I love it!!!

[0079Gundamfan]

16 people dated Case Number 246/B and got punched in the face.

[themanforchrist1]

Anne frank hahaha

[TheDarklayla]

hey!! twix??

[Demon666x3]

i'm behind the fan but the booty is good!

[dark1monarch]

@Demon666x3 sounds like me and my ex wife

[MichaelHansenFUN]

the poem is on the dvd of his tv show

[Scottmcknife]

So much win.

[brokentobits14]

6:45-7:30 Best story EVER!!

[jadedangel824]

lol "her retort was to punch me in the face," awe poor Titus, not even an afghan could spare him from the wrath of a psycho bitch :(

[mrbigwang1991]

now by the way she was a 5ft, 100 lbs jewish girl n i still havent forgiven the jewish people!

[Azshallen]

I have a sugar imbalance! >.<

[TheSupersaiyan2012]

@Azshallen O_o....... No DIABETES is a sugar imbalance. YOU are an estrogen molotov cocktail!!!!

[XxHellsingrulzxX]

"I start locking the windows like I'm Anne Frank"

[mrbigwang1991]

who dislikes this guys videos? seriously?

[NekoSavior]

*sniff sniff"I smell ozone"-left hook that bitch to the face! Look at bitch-"you're not gonna do that again are you?!"

[NekoSavior]

*sniff sniff"I smell ozone"-left hook that bitch to the face! Look at bitch-"you're not gonna do that again are you?!"

[RavenNevermorte]

*sniff sniff* I smell O zone... Uh-Oh!!

[BluesMike23]

The 16 dislikes must be his Ex Girl Friends

[TruBeliever4Life]

what i would like to know is if the psycho girls friends ever watch TITUS or his standup and go. didnt you used to date him? is he talking about you?

[Blasted2Oblivion]

WHAT KINDA LOSER WATCHES THIS CRAP!!!! Hey. Twix?

[JJMixx66]

THIS.... is a very funny man.

"I almost spent a night in JAIL because of her! ...but they don't let you stay in jail 'cuz yer afraid of yer girlfriend."

[Foxqueen]

No, Diabetes is a sugar imbalance! You are an Estrogen Molotov cocktail!

[shawaaster]

16 people like being punched in the face

[jon89miller]

what was the one joke i heard on sirius radio...he followed it up with a toyota joke reliable but not...i forget the joke before it..if someone remembers it please let me know i laughed my butt of and forgot it!

[akurokuday]

who ever clicks dislike for any Titus video has no sense of humor!

[Asherwood7]

"Who Watches this shit?" and I said "HEY!..... Twix?"

[ilove666]

@Asherwood7 I was eating a Twix when he said that :O

[kuanundrum]

3:05 through 3:10...... that on repeate is hilarious.....

[TheRedMan2550]

greatest carol ever!

[Johnny6Toe]

damn, my family is now a white trash blackbelt :D

[smokey2124]

We'll just get Mulder and Scully in on this one, they're not doing anything cause fox canceled them too.

[TheKingteshay]

Respond to this video... im behind the fan but the booty is good

[sallyrockswroxy]

i'm so afraid i start locking doors and windows like i'm anne frank

[The1solidsnake]

why 16 people dont like this,they prolly dont like comedy-

[BigJay2133]

16 people had the same girlfriend.....

[NinjaBunnyPro]

estrogen molotov cocktail XD great line

[kittyloserface]

"Thanksgiving food fight!!! Oh God bless us everyone!!!"

"I started hackin my way through this brier patch of pyscho bitches man..."

[RevJamesVoodoo]

make the funny man stop!!!!!!!

[dancindrumsticks08]

Just needed a little incentive

[Ellemora16]

Is it just me or...does he look like a strawberry blond jim carrey? XD

[theelectricguitar16]

@Ellemora16 WAY COOLER than Jim Carrey

[LokiLeonheart]

@theelectricguitar16

the white trash Jim Carrey

[deawee56]

@Ellemora16 there is no strawberry blond hes blonde and better then jim carrey!

[jiwbink]

LOTTA GUTS TO TELL ALL THOSE THINGS,FUNNY THOUGH VERY GOOD!!

[ultramastasucka]

Wow hardcore She she not only shot and killed him but GOT HIS INSURANCE POLICY TOO !!!!

[Sru2012]

No you are an estrogen malatov cocktail!

[cattid07]

lol "my last girlfriend, Case Number 246-B!"

"she would snap, her eyes would go jakal yellow, she would start speaking latin backwards, he-mo-leh-ha!"

"we get into an agrument i would present my side of the story, her retort would be innverribly be.... to punch me in the face!"

"before she would snap the room would smell like ozone!"

[missingoyuforever]

"i'm behind the fan but the booty is good." i LVEO that line :3

[LJSzymanski1]

Thanks Shot!!!!!!! For taking the time to put this online.... I was in a shit mood til I got to watch this again, Thanks

[xstayinshadowx99]

most peaceful of all blankets lol honestly

[carriker420]

estrogen molotov cocktail .................lol :) i have seen this special at least 30 times and i still laugh everytime!

[luiggi1291]

Twas The Sugar Imbalance

[max20020012002]

I'm behind the fan, but the booty is good. lol

[69suicides]

ur mom

[Angelynnrze]

Go MOM!!

[PageofLegend]

Thats what we need to have, more female victims of domestic violence kicking ass, pulling guns, etc. It would make those assholes think twice about raising thier hands!

[Egyptpride]

note: guys dont ever teach a women how to shoot youll regret it 9 outa 10 times

[JonathansGurl91]

most EPIC Christmas rhyme ever lolz

[WindofNightmares]

When all of a sudden, there arose such a clatter

I sprang from the couch to see what was a matter

I went to the window, tore open the blinds, and there was my girlfriend quite out of her mind

And i'm just standing there, heart pounding with fear, she's bangin' on the glass door with a vodka bottle... filled just bout to here.

And i knew the window couldn't take it, and she screams OPEN THE DOOR YOU BASTARD I'LL FUCKING BREAK IT.

Why i couldn't let her do that, twas my father's place.

[WindofNightmares]

So i opened the door, and she punched me in the face

So i summoned my manhood from bottom to top, and i screamed like a little girl "I'M CALLIN THE COPS!"

[LtCol45]

OOOOOOOO,I have a sugar imbalance,no no no and no dieabites is a sugar imbalnce you are a freakin estrogene molotov cocktail

[VaniKayne]

Someone have the words to their rhymed fight written out? Or will they? Please?

[dalton59]

im standing behind the fan, but the booty is good !!

[JonZam83]

I love this guy

[LordMubumbo]

is two for you none for me

[lilnell824]

"so i summoned my man-hood from bottom to to and screamed like a little girl, i'm callin the cops!!" most favorite line ever!! Chis Titus rocks!!!

[DuctTapeUtopia]

And do you wanna hear the funniest part of this story?

(sheepishly smiling) You know where my mom shoots and, kills a man?

[Octane64]

Did Christopher Titus date sarah silverman.

[shagohod666]

*bang bang bang* not gonna do that again are ya? lol

[erufan]

@80042909

Good point

[BellsOnHand]

LOL! "It's like fighting a gopher on crank dude!!..." Hahahaha!

[Gam3rV1rus]

I agree with his moms actions.

[TheCubbie8685]

@Gam3rV1rus amen to that abuse needs to be stopped!

[Gam3rV1rus]

@TheCubbie8685 Obvious escaltion. Anyway I get smashed in the face I am making sure he can't do it again.

[natedaug1]

@Gam3rV1rus Yes, can't really fault his Mom too much, for what that guy did.

[dragomslayer101]

@natedaug1 im with you.

[Telepresent]

@Gam3rV1rus So, as opposed to leaving, calling the police, having the guy arrested and taking him through the judicial system, you condone murder?

[burtonbomber96]

@Telepresent i would vary much so.... u dont deserve to live if u hit a woman...........

[MCG55SS]

@burtonbomber96 well that depends on situation...i know a guy that punched his wife in the face......course she went nuts and stabbed with a kitchen knife cuz his boss needed him to come in and she didn't want that cuz she thought they were fucking but its all based on situation so u can't say u can NEVER hit a woman cuz if she stabs me imma deck her

[darknight10000]

@burtonbomber96 Why? Because she's a woman? If she beats you and threatens you, you don't have the right to defend yourself?

[jrthesoutherner]

lol the christmas lights came on lol

[Spinelblade]

this guy must relate to the bohemian rapsody.

"Mamaaaa just killed a man"

[Amelsander]

in bohemian rhapsody he talks about that he killed a man

[darr121]

no it was about him telling his mom he was gay and the responce she gave made him want to kill himself

[anime922]

"I'm sorry.......I have a sugar imbalance!" LMAO XD

[firstpostlol]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

[anglefan85]

"Estrogen Molotov Cocktail."

Oh, I have GOT to find a reason to use that one.

[thejipo1]

so my mom counterd

[hellwarrior510]

and i knew the window couldn't take it

and she screams "open the door you bastard i'll fuckin break it!!"

well I couldnt let her do that 'twas my fathers place

so I cracked the door and she punched me in the face

so i summoned my manhood from bottom to top

and screamed like a little girl "I'M CALLIN THE COPS"

in my opinion that was the most kick ass Christmas carol EVER...

[meaningawaitsforyou]

now, i'd invite the christmas carolers that sang that at my door to dinner

[hellwarrior510]

LMAO i tried to put the whole thing down but i couldnt put more then 500 words ._.

[Kakashirules85]

500 WORDS??! I know you meant letters,but you could have just spammed comments or replied to your own comment with the rest

[YAY91]

@hellwarrior510 Mine too!!!

[natedaug1]

@hellwarrior510 That was hilarious.

[LadyBeth24]

@hellwarrior510 best Christmas story ever....sounds like something that has happened in my family.....Most would find that sad ...but I find it funny as hell

[flatspinner2002]

@LadyBeth24 well hell look at it this way, like he said 63% of us know exactly what you mean lol

[flatspinner2002]

@LadyBeth24 well hell look at it this way, like he said 63% of us know exactly what you mean lol

[VirgoGoddess90]

diabetes is a sugar imbalance, YOU are an estrogen molotov cocktail

[MrTh1rteen]

Estrogen-Molotov Cocktail... i'll have to remember that one... lol

[horrorandmetalfan001]

"I'm behind the fan but the booty is good". LOL

[comic93]

Sorry i mean 3:07.

[comic93]

LMAO 3:09.

[GrantUchida]

LOL i love that x files joke!

[anonymous843e]

dumbass rednecks

[Witchcraft13]

White trash black belt....love that line....

[placebomessiah]

haha 2 for you none for me

[Batclaw7]

Im behind the fan but the booty is good. XD

[dtravisrt6]

I can imagine the look on those cops faces "Yea OOOOOOOOO WOOOOW"

[jonesstormy8]

I summoned my man hood from bottom to top and screamed im calling the cops.

[Julie101670]

"went hackin' my way through this briar patch of psycho bitches" LOL!

[mega0126]

there is 2 for you and none for me

[luiggi1291]

Twas The Sugar Imbalance

[bowlalot923]

because she is jewish and she hit him.....

[punisherpr]

*Cocks gun* " Just needed a little INCENTIVE" lmao!!

[guitarboy543]

Estrogen molotov cocktail...fuck, I'd run away.

[leiefilm]

Id kill her and burrie her in my back yard

[Koyzo11]

sad

[guitarboy543]

What's sad?