I have a two year-old who thinks he doesn't have to stop when I say "stop". I'd like to see him live to be three and not get hit by a car. What am I supposed to do about that while I'm waiting for him to have this eppiffany about how much he likes me and wants to stop when I warn him to stop because our relationship is so good and he trusts my advise so much? How does the fact that he's completely incapable of understanding what I'm trying to warn him about factor in?
@rjkennedy1978 Dr. Baily is not saying you shouldn't stop your 2 year old. The point is to control your brain state when you correct his behavior. It is easy for us as parents to become upset when our children act in any unsafe manner. It triggers our Fight or Flight response for the moment in order to help us protect our child, but as soon as the child is safe, we often remain in the brain stem where we cannot rationally talk with our child and help them to be conscious as well as us.
@rjkennedy1978 Hey, I just found another clip that perhaps further explains how to address the danger of crossing the street alone, using the language of unity versus the language of fear. Personally, with my son, we would talk about crossing together and doing the steps of crossing safely together. Many parents lead children across; try walking with him as the leader, looking both ways, judging the conditions, etc.
@rjkennedy1978 I've asked this same question because I have a two year old who didn't get it. We started playing the "stop and go" game. It's like "red light green light" only you say "stop" or "go". So, they stop when you say stop and go when you say go. My kids like to start at the same point and see who can run to me the fastest while still stopping when I say stop and going when I say go. It really improved my two year old's ability to listen and obey.
@LindseyTorres That is a perfect activity. It help the child understand the need to stop at the command to stop, but it does it in a positive loving manner in a playful way. I really hope rjkennedy1978 reads your post
@ kat8kit I have spoken firsthand with some people with military background. You are right, their behavior has often been dramatically and permanently altered. However, this is the result of very psychologically abrasive conditioning tactics, which no parent with a shred of humanity would ever dream of using on their young child. Perhaps you can force people to change, but only when the consequences imposed are particularly harsh or abusive.
@taryntnoglo1 I disagree. "Harsh" and/or "abusive" consequences are just those: consequences. It's a feed-backwards approach to shaping behaviors that has been proven consistently ineffective in all psychological research. Rather than the "consequence" of harsh and/or abusive behavior, it is actually the environment created by that behavior (an escape-oriented environment) that causes an organism to change most strongly and rapidly. The same can be accomplished "ethically" but usually isn't.
@Kat8kit. You might be interested to see the story of Ginny Luther and her son Bart. Ginny has made it her mission in life to empower the military in fostering emotional intelligence throughout their services.
I cannot post a link on this page, but it is the first video found if you search youtube for Ginny Luther.
Thank you for making this available on the internet. I am a new teacher and I have found CD works with a class of 23 or my grandchildren. I will be able to direct parents to this site.
I've been using concious discipline with my son. It's tough in the meantime, but I can feel good about myself when I put the little guy to bed at night.
Love the description of CD and the difference in CD and other forms of discipline. Way to go Becky!
lindaransonjacobs 2 months ago
I have a two year-old who thinks he doesn't have to stop when I say "stop". I'd like to see him live to be three and not get hit by a car. What am I supposed to do about that while I'm waiting for him to have this eppiffany about how much he likes me and wants to stop when I warn him to stop because our relationship is so good and he trusts my advise so much? How does the fact that he's completely incapable of understanding what I'm trying to warn him about factor in?
rjkennedy1978 6 months ago
@rjkennedy1978 Dr. Baily is not saying you shouldn't stop your 2 year old. The point is to control your brain state when you correct his behavior. It is easy for us as parents to become upset when our children act in any unsafe manner. It triggers our Fight or Flight response for the moment in order to help us protect our child, but as soon as the child is safe, we often remain in the brain stem where we cannot rationally talk with our child and help them to be conscious as well as us.
ModusErudio 6 months ago
@rjkennedy1978 Hey, I just found another clip that perhaps further explains how to address the danger of crossing the street alone, using the language of unity versus the language of fear. Personally, with my son, we would talk about crossing together and doing the steps of crossing safely together. Many parents lead children across; try walking with him as the leader, looking both ways, judging the conditions, etc.
ModusErudio 6 months ago
@rjkennedy1978 Sorry the clip wouldn't post. Just do a search for "The Language of Unity: Conscience Discipline(R).
ModusErudio 6 months ago
@rjkennedy1978 I've asked this same question because I have a two year old who didn't get it. We started playing the "stop and go" game. It's like "red light green light" only you say "stop" or "go". So, they stop when you say stop and go when you say go. My kids like to start at the same point and see who can run to me the fastest while still stopping when I say stop and going when I say go. It really improved my two year old's ability to listen and obey.
LindseyTorres 6 months ago
@LindseyTorres That is a perfect activity. It help the child understand the need to stop at the command to stop, but it does it in a positive loving manner in a playful way. I really hope rjkennedy1978 reads your post
ModusErudio 5 months ago
@ kat8kit I have spoken firsthand with some people with military background. You are right, their behavior has often been dramatically and permanently altered. However, this is the result of very psychologically abrasive conditioning tactics, which no parent with a shred of humanity would ever dream of using on their young child. Perhaps you can force people to change, but only when the consequences imposed are particularly harsh or abusive.
taryntnoglo1 1 year ago
@taryntnoglo1 I disagree. "Harsh" and/or "abusive" consequences are just those: consequences. It's a feed-backwards approach to shaping behaviors that has been proven consistently ineffective in all psychological research. Rather than the "consequence" of harsh and/or abusive behavior, it is actually the environment created by that behavior (an escape-oriented environment) that causes an organism to change most strongly and rapidly. The same can be accomplished "ethically" but usually isn't.
Foaman 1 year ago
This lady needs to spend some time in the military... you CAN make people change and be obedient.
kat8kit 2 years ago
@Kat8kit. You might be interested to see the story of Ginny Luther and her son Bart. Ginny has made it her mission in life to empower the military in fostering emotional intelligence throughout their services.
I cannot post a link on this page, but it is the first video found if you search youtube for Ginny Luther.
bryanw555 2 years ago
Thank you for making this available on the internet. I am a new teacher and I have found CD works with a class of 23 or my grandchildren. I will be able to direct parents to this site.
lindaboucher 2 years ago
I Majored in psychology and I find this video to be very helpful... thank you :)
dnybx 3 years ago
I've been using concious discipline with my son. It's tough in the meantime, but I can feel good about myself when I put the little guy to bed at night.
Gemm73 3 years ago
Please keep giving us that loving guidance. It is a bless to become a better person. Thank you!
verdadybelleza 3 years ago