There were these three guys, Shutup, Crap, and Manners. Crap got stuck in the toilet and Manners went to get him out with a fishing pole, while Shutup went to get another one so he could help. He drove in his truck and was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked whats your name. Shutup. whats your name! Shutp. Im going to ask you one more time whats you name!! Shutup. Wheres your manners!? Fishing Crap out of the toilet. lolz :)
K I just made these up work with me here go into longo lexus ask for a rim job walk into cees candy ask for fuge pakin and go into a barber company and ask for a blow job o ya and walk into a gardening company and ask if they can trim ur bush
@nikkyloljb17 That would be good, but it's "your mother" not "my mother". That would be best told to fans of the Harry Potter series. To create a good all-around joke, you want to use something universally recognized or something easily recognized in that situation to create irony. For example: Yo mama's so dumb, she invited Shaq to a KKK meeting." Not the best, but generally, the more offensive and unexpected the better. Though, certain jokes only work with some jokes, like racist jokes.
my friend was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding and the state trooper came up to his window and said "sir do you know why i pulled you over" and my smart ass friend said "to sell me tickets to the state troopers ball" and the state trooper paused for a minute and said "sir state troopers dont have any balls"
When I went out to the strip there was a store. it was all about feet. there was one foot that had a rubber toe on it like if a kid put it there for a prank but then i thought of a joke.i called the manager and i told him WHAT DO YOU CALL A KID WITH A RUBBER TOE AND HE DIDNT KNOW AND SAID RUBERTO!!!!!!!!!!!
three guys fly to an island but didn't realize there was a Indian tribe living there the chief tells them if they want to live they must shove a random fruit up there ass without making a face,the first guy has a banana he gets it half way but makes a face and the chief kills him,the second guy has grapes,he starts too shove but then he starts laughing his ass off.the chief asked him why he was laughing.he said."Steve has a pineapple!
there was this guy walking down the street and he said i thank i drunk to much bee and he calld a hobo and the hobo said i was going pee and the hobo said do you need to yes in your moulth lol.
there is a jamiacan a french guy a candian and a chinese . they all have to thrpw out something that they hav too much of in their country. the jamaican throws out his bananas the french throws out his baguettes and the canadian throws out the chinese lol
A black guy a white guy and a spanish guy are all best friends walking together.they see a sign by a Strip Club That Says BJs only 5$.The Black dude says yo ill brb imma go try dis shit out.he comes out and says hell yeah that was the best bj i ever got bruh.the white dude says brb bro imma go try it out.he comes out and says you werent lying man that was great. the spanish guy walks out and says sweet i made 10$.
so there's 2 boys about to prey. the youngest one started to prey at the top of his lungs.He says "God i PREY you give me a new bicycle, and i PREY you get me a new play station. And i PREY you get me a new XBOX360." then his brother said, "why are you screaming? God is not deaf!" then the little boy said, "i know that, but Grandmother is."
so there's 2 boys about to prey. the youngest one started to prey at the top of their lungs.He says "God i PREY you give me a new bicycle, and i PREY you get me a new play station. And i PREY you get me a new XBOX360." then his brother said, "why are you screaming? God is not deaf!" then the little boy said, "i know that, but Grandmother is."
a man walks home drunk from a bar 1 dai and his wife says dammit, your drunk again arent you? the man said im not drunk! im just tired from dirnking 30 minutes ago...
(im not racist just heard this joke) whats black orange and beautifull a black guy on fire or whats white orange and beautifull a white guy on fire....exct
So two gay guy's significant others have passed and they are both being cremated, the first guy says that he'll sprinkle his ashes all over his favorite golf course. He asks the other guy what he has decided to do with his. To which he replies, i think ill boil them into some chili so he can tear my ass up just once more! Please vote up ((:
three women escape from jail.blondie,brunette,and black. while the police are looking for them they hide in a barn. the black haired hides in a haystack,the brunette in a barrel and the blonde in a potato sak.the police search and kick the hay stak "mooo" oh its just a cow says the cop,they kick the barrel "meow" oh its hust a cat he kicks the potato sak where the blondes hiding so she goes "potatoes"....
A nun and a priest go golfing the nun gets a hole in one so the priest gives it a try and misses and says ahh shit i missed the nun says dont say that or the lord with strike you down with a bolt of lighting. the next hole the nun gets another hole in one and the priest tries but fails again and says ahh shit i missed all the suddon booom a big bolt of lightning comes out and hits the nun right in the head and from up above you hear ahh shit i missed.
@tylernorton89 A priest is golfing when all asudden a nude blond run right by him fallowed by 2 guys in white coats then another man in a white coat comes running by. The priest furious grabs the last man and demands answers. The man says oh that's crazy candy she has escaped from the nut house again. The priest says "Oh okay that makes sense but why are you carrying the buckets of sand?" The man reply's "It's my handicap I caught her last time." Then he takes off again. Weeeee!!!
little johnny came down for breakfast and asked the nanny wheres mom and dad the nanny says still in bed he comes down for lunch and asked again she said still in bed and when he comes down for dinner he starts cracking up and the nanny asked why are you laughing so hard and he said when dad asked me for the lube last night i gave him super glue
2 zebras were talking the first zebra says 'are you a zebra thats black and has white stripes or a zebra thats white with black stripes?' the other zebra says'i dont know, let me go ask god!' so he asked god and say wut the first zebra asked, and god said'u are who u are.' the zebra goes back and tells the first zebra and tells him wut god said. the 1 zebra say'how do you know?!' the other zebra said 'cause if i was a zebra that was black with white strips god would of said you is who u is!!!!!'
a male and a female whale are out swimming and they spot a whaling ship and the male whale says look that ship is the one that got my dad so he says to the female whale lets go up the shit and blow out of our blow holes and sing the ship so they do and they guy whale says look there all swimming to shore lets go gobble them up and as he is swimming over the female whale isnt moving he says whats up ? she said ok i was down for the blow job but i refuse to swallow the seamen
theres 3 whores, a mother, a daughter and a grand mother they all live together, the daughter comes home from a night shift and says this sucks i only made 5 $ for a blow job tonite, the mother goes oh well better luck next time, then the gran mother says "Gosh stop wining back in my day we were justr happy to get somthing warm in our mouths"
then he says, youll never guess wat happened, and they guy goes what? he said i was waiting and i was swearing my head off to the cave and the worst thing happened? the hunter said WHAT? the guys "a bloody train came out"
2 hunters met up after a day hunting, one of them killed 4 bears the other caught nothing so the guy who caught nothing said can u tell me ur secret, the guy says sure just go up the mountain and go to a big cave "oi you big ugly bear get ur ass out of here" and he does and i shout him, so the guy who caught nothing tries it a week or so later they see each other in town again and the guy who recently went up to the mountains was bashed up, lost a leg and was in pain, the guy goes what happened?
theres a mother up in her room and is lookin at herself in the mirrir and is sayin 2 herself "look at me im a fat bitch" over and over again her 5 year old son comes up and hears what she is saying she says 2 him "can u tell me anything to make me feel better" the child replys "ya have good eyesite"
ok there are two people named jim and jessie the were married so the were driving boke home from a restraunt and the run over a pregnant skunk and right on the spot she has her babies and jessie asks can we keep one and jim says sure whatever so the were in the road again and jessie says the skunk is getting cold and jim said well put it in between your legs and jessie asks what if it stinks and jim says then hold his little nose
a blonde gets pulled over and the cop (who is also blonde) walks up to the car and says "i need to see your driver's license". so the blonde digs through her purse for a moment and says "i cant find it , what does it look like?" the blonde cop says "its square and has your picture on it".. so the blonde pulls out a square mirror , looks at it and says "here you go". the cop then looks at it and replies "oh i didnt you were a police officer too.. you can go now."
a little boy is in his room sleeping under the cover and the his big bro came in wit his girl and there having sex not noing he is in ther so the girls is getting it in the but and she say manays tomato manays tomato and then the boy say stop making a sandwitch because your getting manays all over me
Ok, what this guy has done is clever. Hats off. He has anyone searching for THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD and it comes to this. Now. He then trys to lure you in by making a devils bet( I dont belive in god or the devil fyi ). If you can come up with something better bla.bla This is so he gets reply plus hits.lots of small buisness or web sites try the same thing. He fucked up for 3 reasons.1) He lied about the title2) funniest person in the world got less then 4000 hits3)This post
one day there was a man that was in court and the judge said : because you have killed other people you will die. there were 3 options getting hanged, shot to death, or a needle going through your heart. The man thats about to get a death penalty said well getting hanged takes some time , getting shot not brave enough and a needle through my heart i cant stand that. So the judge is like fine we will give u a chance to pick a way to die and the man said ok. So later the man comes up with and idea
ok a guy is doing a girl he met ina bar he sees shes pretty he asks can you come back to my place she says no so she goes into the bathroom and the man climbes through the vents and he opens a hatch and falls on her shes unconciounces so he drags he out the bathroom window puts her in his car and drives home he throughs her on the couch rips her cloths off and he pulls down his pants then she wakes up and he says wanna beer and watches the game
A black man walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man says "Wow, where did you get that?". The Parrot says "Africa, there is loads of the fuckers there".
A mom was trying to find candy bbs to put into cakes, but she couldn't find any so she used real ones. She baked it and gave her kids it. The three Kids go to bed.
The First Kid comes down the stairs and says "Mom, I peed out bbs."
She says "It's alright, go back to bed."
2nd Kid comes down and the mom says, "Let me guess you peed out bbs. Its alright go back to bed."
3rd kid comes down and the mom says "You pee out bbs too?"
He Responds "No, I was jacking off and shot the dog."
...so a guys having sex with his girlfriend, and hes getting all freaky and weird and he pulls out and hes like "damn babe let me cum in your ear" and she responds, "Hell no! I'll go deaf or something" to which he says "Bitch, i cum in your mouth all the time and you NEVER shut the fuck up."
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
thers a blond and an red head and a bernet a killer is chasing them so they hid now ther are three barel one is filed with cats one is fid with dogs and the last one is fid with peaghes the bernet get in the one with cats the red head get in the one with dogs and the blond gets in the one with peaches then the kiler loks to see if ther in the barels gos up to the one with cats soall he hears mow then he gos up to the one dog and hers bark and gos up to the one with peach and hears pechy pechy!
I'd post the best joke in existence and be the funniest guy on the world, but sadly, I'm 56523 over the limit. Looks like Youtube isn't too keen on me. Sorry, folks, but it's all Youtube's fault.
And no, I'm not joking. The joke of 5700 characters exists.
so this guy waz a pirate so he went into the bar he had a stering wheel and the bartender told him why do u have a stering wheel as your belt and the prate said it drives mi nuts
A pirate walks into a bar, he has the huge steering wheel from the ship in his pants. He says Yar, gimme some grog!" The barkeep pours the grog into a pintglass and passes it to the pirate. "If'n ye dont mind ne askin'...whats with the steering wheel in yer pants?" The pirate looks down at the huge steering wheel and says " I dunno, lad, but it's driven' me nuts!"
okay so a blondi pushes here bmw into a repair shot the repair man ask what wrong with it she says it died on he on the road so the repair man looks at it for a couple hour and finally figure out the problem he go up and say to the blodi crap in the carborator and the blodi says wow often do i have to to that
a kid walks up to his dad ans asks "dad, is god black or white?' his dad says "both son, god is both." his son comes up to him again and asks "dad is god a man or a woman?" his dad relplies both son, god is both." his son comes up one more time and asks, "dad does god love all children?" his dad says "yes." so his son comes up one last time and asks his dad "dad is michael jackson god?"
alright listen to this fuckin hollywood magic bitches!
alright, what happens when a lioness and a panther both purchase girdles from the same department store on the outerskirts of eastern Chicago that happens to be just miles from where the president and his first lady once resided. These modest streets and town homes signify the real american spirit, a dream of freedom and liberty. Is this heaven, nah brah, this is fuckin AMERICA....?
A homeless man with a duck, and a nun with a dead penguin walk into a bar. The Nun puts the dead penguin on the bar and excuses herself to go to the bathroom. As she is returning the penguin miraculously comes back to life. The homeless man exclaims 'HOLY SH*T!'. The Nun then responds, 'No, just had to Pee.' The homeless man then orders a round of drinks. 'Lets celebrate!' The bartender responds, 'and what shall I do with the tab?' The duck then says 'Just put it on my Bill!'
I have the worst memory for jokes ever except for one that I heard when I was ten years old involving a bordello, a boy who gets told by the doorman to practise on the old oak tree out front, and a broom. I won't tell you the punch line...
Teacher asks if anyone could use the word 'handsome' in a sentence. Julie stands up and says "When I'm giving a blow job and my jaw gets tired, I use my 'handsome'".
in a native american reservation there are kids from many different tribes. in class one kid said i am a cherokee because i walked for many days with my father and finally he said "son we are the cherokee" and the 2nd boy said "im from the watthefukawe" and the teacher says son there is no tribe called that" and the boy said "oh yeah there is, me and my dad walked for many days and many nights and on the last day he said son "WATTHEFUCKAWE?"
@ ActionJacksonable - A drunk sitting at the bar walks over, takes the dog crap out of the guy's hand and takes a big bite out of it. All the bar patrons stare in stunned silence as the drunk slowly chews and swallows. The drunk carefully wipes his mouth with his shirt sleeve, takes a big swig of beer and announces,"Yep! That was dog crap. Good thing you didn't step in it."
At a con artist convention,a con bought a game for $1000. The seller promised noone could beat the game.
The con artist comes back 2 years later,and demands his money back from the seller.
"What went wrong?" asked the seller.
"Well,"said the con man,"A young boy beat the con."
I set up an elephant in a tent. I promised 100 dollars if anyone could make it jump with all 4 feet off the ground. At $10 dollars a shot,I was making good money.
Near the end of the day I felt a tug on my sleeve.
I look down,and some snot nosed kid was saying,Hey Mister,Hey Mister,I want a chance.
So I took the kids money,and he whips out a 2 x 4 and whacks the elephant in the ass,and it leaps up with all four feet off the ground. Well I paid the kid.
The last year,I returned to that same town. This
time,I said no one could make the elephant shake its head "no". And I doubled the prize.
Well,that kid showed up again,and I warned him,no hitting the elephant. Well,he paid,and went to the elephant,and
a guy walks into a bar, and behind the counter there is a sign that says "cheese sandwiches $2.00, handjobs, $10.00. the guy says to the lady behind the counter :"excuse me miss are you the lady that gives the handjobs?" she says "yes i am" he says "great, well wash those hands and fix me a cheese sandwich."
Two muffins are sitting in the oven. The first muffin says, "Wow, its really getting hot in here!" and the other muffin replies "Holy shit! a talking muffin!"
What's the definition of cheekiness?
Pissing thru someones letterbox knocking on the door and asking how far it went
What's the definition of cruelness?
Putting a blind man in a circular room and tell him he's dinner is in the corner
AND FINALLY....
Whats the definition of stupidness?
YOU FOR READING THIS...
wrazer1 1 week ago
Well I know some stupid jokes we tell to eachother in Belgium, I'll try to translate them to English.
What is the limit of audacity?
Throwing a brick through the window of a police station and than ask if you can get your brick back.
Whats the limit of curiosity?
Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.
What is the limit of stupidity?
Trying to drown a fish.
And there is more of these kind of retarted jokes :p
Yorpie 3 weeks ago
why did elmo go to the beach? he wanted to/a ......
neongirl855 1 month ago
u wanna jock? i wanna fuck ur mom pimp.....
Abyasm251 1 month ago
why did santa go to his mum? cause he wanted to
danielmazza123 1 month ago
There were these three guys, Shutup, Crap, and Manners. Crap got stuck in the toilet and Manners went to get him out with a fishing pole, while Shutup went to get another one so he could help. He drove in his truck and was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked whats your name. Shutup. whats your name! Shutp. Im going to ask you one more time whats you name!! Shutup. Wheres your manners!? Fishing Crap out of the toilet. lolz :)
lynx774110 2 months ago 2
what do u call a bunch of mexacans jumping out of an airplane?dawn!
SuperRamsack 2 months ago
tht was stupid
\
TheJ82000 2 months ago
Here is a funny joke. Watch this video and help this guy out.
kyledill4 2 months ago
K I just made these up work with me here go into longo lexus ask for a rim job walk into cees candy ask for fuge pakin and go into a barber company and ask for a blow job o ya and walk into a gardening company and ask if they can trim ur bush
clubpenguinsanta 3 months ago
in ze soviet russia, chuck norris makez jokez about yoo.
twilightfan961 5 months ago
ok hi this is a joke: my mothers so dumb that she played got ya nose with lord voldamort hahhahahahahahahhaha reply back to me if u like it :)
nikkyloljb17 5 months ago
@nikkyloljb17 That would be good, but it's "your mother" not "my mother". That would be best told to fans of the Harry Potter series. To create a good all-around joke, you want to use something universally recognized or something easily recognized in that situation to create irony. For example: Yo mama's so dumb, she invited Shaq to a KKK meeting." Not the best, but generally, the more offensive and unexpected the better. Though, certain jokes only work with some jokes, like racist jokes.
falloutseriesftw 2 months ago
@falloutseriesftw *certain jokes only work with some PEOPLE. My bad.
falloutseriesftw 2 months ago
how much seamon does a gay guy have a buttload
wolverinewyatt 6 months ago
my friend was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding and the state trooper came up to his window and said "sir do you know why i pulled you over" and my smart ass friend said "to sell me tickets to the state troopers ball" and the state trooper paused for a minute and said "sir state troopers dont have any balls"
lmao
seenboom 6 months ago 3
What's the last thing a black see's before he goes down a well............KKK
beastiality26 6 months ago
When I went out to the strip there was a store. it was all about feet. there was one foot that had a rubber toe on it like if a kid put it there for a prank but then i thought of a joke.i called the manager and i told him WHAT DO YOU CALL A KID WITH A RUBBER TOE AND HE DIDNT KNOW AND SAID RUBERTO!!!!!!!!!!!
magicianmonkey1 6 months ago
@footballstar341 in germany we have "Your momma" Jokes,too :D
Carinaaa95 6 months ago
your momma is so black she uses armerall instead on lotion
haha lol
footballstar341 6 months ago
wats faster then a black guy stealing your tv.
the black guys son staeling your VCR haha
footballstar341 6 months ago
three guys fly to an island but didn't realize there was a Indian tribe living there the chief tells them if they want to live they must shove a random fruit up there ass without making a face,the first guy has a banana he gets it half way but makes a face and the chief kills him,the second guy has grapes,he starts too shove but then he starts laughing his ass off.the chief asked him why he was laughing.he said."Steve has a pineapple!
thetimothygoff 7 months ago
I know this guy who got married, 8 year later BOOM!!!!.............herpies
XSceneXrandomX1 7 months ago
hail mary son and grace pull down your pants and sit on my face
brandonmul 7 months ago
there was this guy walking down the street and he said i thank i drunk to much bee and he calld a hobo and the hobo said i was going pee and the hobo said do you need to yes in your moulth lol.
spikey1998 8 months ago
KNOCK KNOCK,WHOS THERE, BOO, BOO WHO?, DONT CRY ITS JUST A JOKE HAHA
davidruedy 8 months ago
@davidruedy lame but soooeeww! you were gunna hear it any ways
neongirl855 1 month ago
You wanna go night night Nigga?
rusfingers 8 months ago
A man walked into a bar.....ouch!
baddam95 8 months ago
there is a jamiacan a french guy a candian and a chinese . they all have to thrpw out something that they hav too much of in their country. the jamaican throws out his bananas the french throws out his baguettes and the canadian throws out the chinese lol
robloxyman55 9 months ago
guess what? chicken butt
darksector15 9 months ago
@darksector15 well, its official... you win
JH41997 8 months ago
ur mom so fat she eats her cereal out a satelite disk
TheJojomj 10 months ago
A black guy a white guy and a spanish guy are all best friends walking together.they see a sign by a Strip Club That Says BJs only 5$.The Black dude says yo ill brb imma go try dis shit out.he comes out and says hell yeah that was the best bj i ever got bruh.the white dude says brb bro imma go try it out.he comes out and says you werent lying man that was great. the spanish guy walks out and says sweet i made 10$.
NickKyler1 10 months ago
How are X-Boxes and Michel Jackson similer?
Little boys turn them both on.
MillaShard8521 10 months ago
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady???
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
MillaShard8521 10 months ago
YOU SUCK
GHxSkTGrkxxv3 11 months ago
ANIMAL JOKE:wats blk and wht and blk ad wht and blk and wht?A penguin rollin down a hill.
wats blk and wht and laughin?The penguin that pushed him
BLACK OPS JOKE: 4 every zombie you kill in black ops,the gvernment has a better chance of finding Osama Ben Loten
JUST PLAIN FUNNY:If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant,will you help your Uncle Jack off an elephant
HahA JOKE:Trevor: Hey Sam,how do you keep your grass so nice?
Sam: I use the blood of emo kids so that it'll cut itself
freshkillerz 1 year ago
10000th viewer yay
PunksIsHippies87 1 year ago
Whats the difference between a pizza and a black guy?. the pizza can feed a family of 4. sorry not trying to be racist.
lologan11 1 year ago
so there's 2 boys about to prey. the youngest one started to prey at the top of his lungs.He says "God i PREY you give me a new bicycle, and i PREY you get me a new play station. And i PREY you get me a new XBOX360." then his brother said, "why are you screaming? God is not deaf!" then the little boy said, "i know that, but Grandmother is."
dottydot55 1 year ago
so there's 2 boys about to prey. the youngest one started to prey at the top of their lungs.He says "God i PREY you give me a new bicycle, and i PREY you get me a new play station. And i PREY you get me a new XBOX360." then his brother said, "why are you screaming? God is not deaf!" then the little boy said, "i know that, but Grandmother is."
dottydot55 1 year ago
a man walks home drunk from a bar 1 dai and his wife says dammit, your drunk again arent you? the man said im not drunk! im just tired from dirnking 30 minutes ago...
PointlessTalks 1 year ago
(im not racist just heard this joke) whats black orange and beautifull a black guy on fire or whats white orange and beautifull a white guy on fire....exct
lynnchris95 1 year ago
I'm not racist against blacks...... I think every family should have one. I'm not racist just a joke I heard
Jon95McC 1 year ago
So two gay guy's significant others have passed and they are both being cremated, the first guy says that he'll sprinkle his ashes all over his favorite golf course. He asks the other guy what he has decided to do with his. To which he replies, i think ill boil them into some chili so he can tear my ass up just once more! Please vote up ((:
meganmerrill1997 1 year ago
You know how too get a fat chick into bed? Piece of cake.
darkenlight22 1 year ago 16
@darkenlight22 lol it actuly made me laugh!!!!! great job!!!
neongirl855 1 month ago
three women escape from jail.blondie,brunette,and black. while the police are looking for them they hide in a barn. the black haired hides in a haystack,the brunette in a barrel and the blonde in a potato sak.the police search and kick the hay stak "mooo" oh its just a cow says the cop,they kick the barrel "meow" oh its hust a cat he kicks the potato sak where the blondes hiding so she goes "potatoes"....
emosk8ter97 1 year ago 3
A nun and a priest go golfing the nun gets a hole in one so the priest gives it a try and misses and says ahh shit i missed the nun says dont say that or the lord with strike you down with a bolt of lighting. the next hole the nun gets another hole in one and the priest tries but fails again and says ahh shit i missed all the suddon booom a big bolt of lightning comes out and hits the nun right in the head and from up above you hear ahh shit i missed.
tylernorton89 1 year ago 6
@tylernorton89 A priest is golfing when all asudden a nude blond run right by him fallowed by 2 guys in white coats then another man in a white coat comes running by. The priest furious grabs the last man and demands answers. The man says oh that's crazy candy she has escaped from the nut house again. The priest says "Oh okay that makes sense but why are you carrying the buckets of sand?" The man reply's "It's my handicap I caught her last time." Then he takes off again. Weeeee!!!
darkenlight22 1 month ago
little johnny came down for breakfast and asked the nanny wheres mom and dad the nanny says still in bed he comes down for lunch and asked again she said still in bed and when he comes down for dinner he starts cracking up and the nanny asked why are you laughing so hard and he said when dad asked me for the lube last night i gave him super glue
dray50007 1 year ago
2 zebras were talking the first zebra says 'are you a zebra thats black and has white stripes or a zebra thats white with black stripes?' the other zebra says'i dont know, let me go ask god!' so he asked god and say wut the first zebra asked, and god said'u are who u are.' the zebra goes back and tells the first zebra and tells him wut god said. the 1 zebra say'how do you know?!' the other zebra said 'cause if i was a zebra that was black with white strips god would of said you is who u is!!!!!'
jm6204 1 year ago
a male and a female whale are out swimming and they spot a whaling ship and the male whale says look that ship is the one that got my dad so he says to the female whale lets go up the shit and blow out of our blow holes and sing the ship so they do and they guy whale says look there all swimming to shore lets go gobble them up and as he is swimming over the female whale isnt moving he says whats up ? she said ok i was down for the blow job but i refuse to swallow the seamen
Tibiafoz 1 year ago
theres 3 whores, a mother, a daughter and a grand mother they all live together, the daughter comes home from a night shift and says this sucks i only made 5 $ for a blow job tonite, the mother goes oh well better luck next time, then the gran mother says "Gosh stop wining back in my day we were justr happy to get somthing warm in our mouths"
Tibiafoz 1 year ago
then he says, youll never guess wat happened, and they guy goes what? he said i was waiting and i was swearing my head off to the cave and the worst thing happened? the hunter said WHAT? the guys "a bloody train came out"
lmao
Tibiafoz 1 year ago
2 hunters met up after a day hunting, one of them killed 4 bears the other caught nothing so the guy who caught nothing said can u tell me ur secret, the guy says sure just go up the mountain and go to a big cave "oi you big ugly bear get ur ass out of here" and he does and i shout him, so the guy who caught nothing tries it a week or so later they see each other in town again and the guy who recently went up to the mountains was bashed up, lost a leg and was in pain, the guy goes what happened?
Tibiafoz 1 year ago
lawl
Tibiafoz 1 year ago
theres a mother up in her room and is lookin at herself in the mirrir and is sayin 2 herself "look at me im a fat bitch" over and over again her 5 year old son comes up and hears what she is saying she says 2 him "can u tell me anything to make me feel better" the child replys "ya have good eyesite"
crampable 1 year ago
ok there are two people named jim and jessie the were married so the were driving boke home from a restraunt and the run over a pregnant skunk and right on the spot she has her babies and jessie asks can we keep one and jim says sure whatever so the were in the road again and jessie says the skunk is getting cold and jim said well put it in between your legs and jessie asks what if it stinks and jim says then hold his little nose
brandino13579 1 year ago 2
@LeoShadowA your mama is so fat that she use pillow cases as socks
goosebumps687 1 year ago
A priest and a rabbi walik into a bar and the priest says... "did you hear the one about us!"
BrandonWosilis 1 year ago
ummm eeewwww wtf???
kanisha1001 1 year ago
ur mom
MTMTproductions 1 year ago
What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Boom Boom
m00tube 1 year ago
THIS IS LAME
emjk3309 1 year ago
What did the def, blind, paraplegic kid get for christmas? CANCER!
worldofhate08 1 year ago
A boy walks up to a preiest and says "is God black or white?"
The priest replies "God is both"
The boy then asks "is God man or woman"
The priest responds"God is both"
The boy asks "Is God gay or straight"
The priest says "God is both"
The boy then says"Is God Michael Jackson?"
imS00g00d 1 year ago
@imS00g00d thts not funi u prik....
swifti1001 1 year ago
@imS00g00d fuck u!!!!!! michael jackson is the best unlike yu and ur gay!!!!!
TheJojomj 10 months ago
a man walks in the bar and ask the tender for the usual the bar tender says whats that and the man says use u all for a beer lol hahahahahaha
djwildout09 1 year ago
joke
MoodzBlog 1 year ago
a blonde gets pulled over and the cop (who is also blonde) walks up to the car and says "i need to see your driver's license". so the blonde digs through her purse for a moment and says "i cant find it , what does it look like?" the blonde cop says "its square and has your picture on it".. so the blonde pulls out a square mirror , looks at it and says "here you go". the cop then looks at it and replies "oh i didnt you were a police officer too.. you can go now."
JaysFunhouse 1 year ago
a little boy is in his room sleeping under the cover and the his big bro came in wit his girl and there having sex not noing he is in ther so the girls is getting it in the but and she say manays tomato manays tomato and then the boy say stop making a sandwitch because your getting manays all over me
treyvon65 1 year ago
I thaught ur moms beard was my dog
Eliminator0323 1 year ago
whos joke was the best
SniperMonkey11 2 years ago
Comment removed
KYLEAIRWAYS 2 years ago
Comment removed
gamelordjack 2 years ago
LOL
ilikedrumming 2 years ago
mines better
a kid buys his dad a mug saying 2nd best dad in the world.....his dad asked...whos the best....he replies my step dad.
toonaxis 2 years ago 4
Ok, what this guy has done is clever. Hats off. He has anyone searching for THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD and it comes to this. Now. He then trys to lure you in by making a devils bet( I dont belive in god or the devil fyi ). If you can come up with something better bla.bla This is so he gets reply plus hits.lots of small buisness or web sites try the same thing. He fucked up for 3 reasons.1) He lied about the title2) funniest person in the world got less then 4000 hits3)This post
Dangerdave2000 2 years ago
3 gay guys are in a hot tub all of a sudden a condom floats up so a gay guy says okay who farted?
lions123456789 2 years ago 11
Your joke is soo cheezy and ungetable I laughed till I cried.
KYLEAIRWAYS 2 years ago
Its funny though
lions123456789 2 years ago
True that!
KYLEAIRWAYS 2 years ago
thank you thats my goal =D
lions123456789 2 years ago
...It's pretty "getable", if you want to call it that.
Pyrofries 2 years ago
"until i die i will eat"
samsalsham 2 years ago
thats a true story samsalsham
marcuscole9 2 years ago
one day there was a man that was in court and the judge said : because you have killed other people you will die. there were 3 options getting hanged, shot to death, or a needle going through your heart. The man thats about to get a death penalty said well getting hanged takes some time , getting shot not brave enough and a needle through my heart i cant stand that. So the judge is like fine we will give u a chance to pick a way to die and the man said ok. So later the man comes up with and idea
samsalsham 2 years ago
whats better than eating a mandarin?
eating amanda out
why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
he was out standing in his field
tOOballs 2 years ago 3
a child gives his dad a mug saying 'World #2 dad'
then he asked whos #1?
the kid says mommy
(totally original i made up if uve heard it before i didnt kno it was already made)
magistical00 2 years ago
there was a blond and she got pulled over why do you think she got pulled over? (her head lights where broken so she flashed the police man.)
mjmullen96 2 years ago
Y did a spider go up ur ass? Why? To eat ur shit.
Happyboy618 2 years ago
LOL! Happyboy618 Thats Kinda Funny! Hehehe!
TJLizzy11 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Why did the pie cross the road ?
because it was meetin' potatoe
TheBeach1878 2 years ago
ok a guy is doing a girl he met ina bar he sees shes pretty he asks can you come back to my place she says no so she goes into the bathroom and the man climbes through the vents and he opens a hatch and falls on her shes unconciounces so he drags he out the bathroom window puts her in his car and drives home he throughs her on the couch rips her cloths off and he pulls down his pants then she wakes up and he says wanna beer and watches the game
imsohigh32 2 years ago
a couple of NJ hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. he dosent seem to be breathing his eyes are rolled back in his head.
the other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. he gasps to the operator my friend is dead what can I do?
the operator in a calm soothing voice says just take it easy. i can help. First lets make sure hes dead.
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guys voice comes back on the line. he says okay, now what?
Hooflahn 2 years ago
3 mens walk into the bar 4th one ducks
20000SEAN 2 years ago
how do you stop choking a person you hate?
Stop choking him
CHATROOMfForTheGay 2 years ago
AWFUL.
Pyrofries 2 years ago
Here's one
A guys pulled over by a cop and the cop says anything u say will be held against you.
So the guy says Boobies.
animeFREAK076 2 years ago 18
This has been flagged as spam show
@animeFREAK076 A guys pulled over by a cop and the cop says anything u say will be held against you.
So the guy says Boobies... Big Boobies ;D
an add on nice joke btw :D
wweconnor 7 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Coke made Sprite &Sprite made Pepsi
Who da hell made you so sexi!?
softballxluhvurx719 2 years ago
how do you blind an asain? put dental floss over there eyes!
asicsps2 2 years ago 6
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I've got a good one..
Did you hear about the Indian who invented sweet tea?
(You say no..)
.... He drank 15 gallons of tea, and the next day they found him dead in his own tea pee (get it tepee? haha!.)
Well, it isn't that great.. but I tried haha
notoriousgee88 2 years ago
know how to save a gay guy from drowning. no?........good!!
krippa123 2 years ago
A black man walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man says "Wow, where did you get that?". The Parrot says "Africa, there is loads of the fuckers there".
MarcianoMMA 2 years ago
101st COMMENT :D:D
HodgesTV 2 years ago
i bet you i can make you turn your hands over without touching them ok lets go no turnthem over the other way
DJHepburn2k9 2 years ago
okay....
this is one, i had. you can use it.
Rape.. small word...
long fucking sentence.
BRANSCOMBEx 2 years ago
A mom was trying to find candy bbs to put into cakes, but she couldn't find any so she used real ones. She baked it and gave her kids it. The three Kids go to bed.
The First Kid comes down the stairs and says "Mom, I peed out bbs."
She says "It's alright, go back to bed."
2nd Kid comes down and the mom says, "Let me guess you peed out bbs. Its alright go back to bed."
3rd kid comes down and the mom says "You pee out bbs too?"
He Responds "No, I was jacking off and shot the dog."
Zackv12354 2 years ago 24
@Zackv12354 Lmfao XD
sjafalconz 1 year ago
@Zackv12354 LOL!
TheMrAlexwolf 1 year ago
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?
The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
chidori3sasuke5 2 years ago
...so a guys having sex with his girlfriend, and hes getting all freaky and weird and he pulls out and hes like "damn babe let me cum in your ear" and she responds, "Hell no! I'll go deaf or something" to which he says "Bitch, i cum in your mouth all the time and you NEVER shut the fuck up."
Teekles 2 years ago 33
@Teekles funny
devante58 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
thers a blond and an red head and a bernet a killer is chasing them so they hid now ther are three barel one is filed with cats one is fid with dogs and the last one is fid with peaghes the bernet get in the one with cats the red head get in the one with dogs and the blond gets in the one with peaches then the kiler loks to see if ther in the barels gos up to the one with cats soall he hears mow then he gos up to the one dog and hers bark and gos up to the one with peach and hears pechy pechy!
axxagaming 2 years ago
I'd post the best joke in existence and be the funniest guy on the world, but sadly, I'm 56523 over the limit. Looks like Youtube isn't too keen on me. Sorry, folks, but it's all Youtube's fault.
And no, I'm not joking. The joke of 5700 characters exists.
Exiro 2 years ago
you might post a link to it, then.
aviddismantler 2 years ago
Very late one night a stupid thought came to me:
"If farts were wishes I would have them coming out me butt".....
Maybe it should be Butterflies instead of wishes..
pickofthepatch 2 years ago
so this guy waz a pirate so he went into the bar he had a stering wheel and the bartender told him why do u have a stering wheel as your belt and the prate said it drives mi nuts
wefreddy 2 years ago
A pirate walks into a bar, he has the huge steering wheel from the ship in his pants. He says Yar, gimme some grog!" The barkeep pours the grog into a pintglass and passes it to the pirate. "If'n ye dont mind ne askin'...whats with the steering wheel in yer pants?" The pirate looks down at the huge steering wheel and says " I dunno, lad, but it's driven' me nuts!"
archyr 2 years ago 7
okay so a blondi pushes here bmw into a repair shot the repair man ask what wrong with it she says it died on he on the road so the repair man looks at it for a couple hour and finally figure out the problem he go up and say to the blodi crap in the carborator and the blodi says wow often do i have to to that
dbader8430 2 years ago
a kid walks up to his dad ans asks "dad, is god black or white?' his dad says "both son, god is both." his son comes up to him again and asks "dad is god a man or a woman?" his dad relplies both son, god is both." his son comes up one more time and asks, "dad does god love all children?" his dad says "yes." so his son comes up one last time and asks his dad "dad is michael jackson god?"
Cameron4cbtv 2 years ago 9
old joke
partynmyjeans 2 years ago
Amen
R6818 2 years ago
what do you call a transvestite who betrays people......... A DOUBLE-CROSS-DRESSSER HA HA HA HA HA HA get it?
jakepinkphloid 2 years ago
alright listen to this fuckin hollywood magic bitches!
alright, what happens when a lioness and a panther both purchase girdles from the same department store on the outerskirts of eastern Chicago that happens to be just miles from where the president and his first lady once resided. These modest streets and town homes signify the real american spirit, a dream of freedom and liberty. Is this heaven, nah brah, this is fuckin AMERICA....?
answer: they go RAWR!
Zanderbroski 2 years ago
ok....whats worse than dropping 1 ice cream......dropping 2 ice creams....
wats worse than dropping 2 ice creams.....the halacaust...
wats worse than the halacaust...dropping 3 ice creams
WaLLeeMynder 2 years ago
This is probably off-color, but sorry. (no offense to anyone)
Did you hear about the paraplegic that raped that girl last week?
His friends put him up to it.
golfingdisaster 2 years ago
should be quadriplegic
ItsaBirdaPlane 2 years ago
A guy on an elevator at work smells the lady's hair in front of him. She gets him fired for sexual harassment.
If a midget were to do the same, would that charge still stand?
Bwahahahahahahaha! I love midget jokes!
golfingdisaster 2 years ago
Confucious say:
He who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who runs in front of car get tired.
War doesn't determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. (my fav!)
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
golfingdisaster 2 years ago 3
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with STINKY fingers.
HansomeHans 2 years ago 3
man with holes in pockets feel COCKY all day!!!!
jakepinkphloid 2 years ago
man who run behind car get exhausted.
aviddismantler 2 years ago
haha nuns take holy shits
Assbackwords94 2 years ago 2
A homeless man with a duck, and a nun with a dead penguin walk into a bar. The Nun puts the dead penguin on the bar and excuses herself to go to the bathroom. As she is returning the penguin miraculously comes back to life. The homeless man exclaims 'HOLY SH*T!'. The Nun then responds, 'No, just had to Pee.' The homeless man then orders a round of drinks. 'Lets celebrate!' The bartender responds, 'and what shall I do with the tab?' The duck then says 'Just put it on my Bill!'
BoTheOutlaw 2 years ago
hahaha
leftfourdeadtwo 2 years ago
I have the worst memory for jokes ever except for one that I heard when I was ten years old involving a bordello, a boy who gets told by the doorman to practise on the old oak tree out front, and a broom. I won't tell you the punch line...
fehquig 2 years ago
why not?
aviddismantler 2 years ago
Teacher asks if anyone could use the word 'handsome' in a sentence. Julie stands up and says "When I'm giving a blow job and my jaw gets tired, I use my 'handsome'".
BoTheOutlaw 2 years ago 2
I dont mean to offend anybody with this
Why are niggers getting stronger?
Because TVs are getting bigger
Eculusrulez 2 years ago 2
in a native american reservation there are kids from many different tribes. in class one kid said i am a cherokee because i walked for many days with my father and finally he said "son we are the cherokee" and the 2nd boy said "im from the watthefukawe" and the teacher says son there is no tribe called that" and the boy said "oh yeah there is, me and my dad walked for many days and many nights and on the last day he said son "WATTHEFUCKAWE?"
( AKA what the fuck are we?)
lv70rouge 2 years ago
I got caught masturbating in the bathroom today.... It's okay, i got off twice.
frosk8ter 2 years ago
Two guys walk in to a nun.
gryphdawg13 2 years ago
Two guys nun in to a nun.
billychad89 2 years ago
@ ActionJacksonable - A drunk sitting at the bar walks over, takes the dog crap out of the guy's hand and takes a big bite out of it. All the bar patrons stare in stunned silence as the drunk slowly chews and swallows. The drunk carefully wipes his mouth with his shirt sleeve, takes a big swig of beer and announces,"Yep! That was dog crap. Good thing you didn't step in it."
MyRealityBytes 2 years ago
"how can you kill women and children?"
"Easy! dont lead the shots as much!"
killme1990 2 years ago
FULL METAL JACKET
jakepinkphloid 2 years ago
full metal jacket, an instant classic :)
SHMELKEDGE 2 years ago
A guy ran into a bar with a handful of steaming dog crap and said, "Hey guys, look what i almost stepped in!"
ActionJacksonable 2 years ago 3
Comment removed
MyRealityBytes 2 years ago
LMAO
Commandaunt 2 years ago
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Narashava 2 years ago
At a con artist convention,a con bought a game for $1000. The seller promised noone could beat the game.
The con artist comes back 2 years later,and demands his money back from the seller.
"What went wrong?" asked the seller.
"Well,"said the con man,"A young boy beat the con."
I set up an elephant in a tent. I promised 100 dollars if anyone could make it jump with all 4 feet off the ground. At $10 dollars a shot,I was making good money.
Near the end of the day I felt a tug on my sleeve.
Blargaldalien 2 years ago 3
I look down,and some snot nosed kid was saying,Hey Mister,Hey Mister,I want a chance.
So I took the kids money,and he whips out a 2 x 4 and whacks the elephant in the ass,and it leaps up with all four feet off the ground. Well I paid the kid.
The last year,I returned to that same town. This
time,I said no one could make the elephant shake its head "no". And I doubled the prize.
Well,that kid showed up again,and I warned him,no hitting the elephant. Well,he paid,and went to the elephant,and
Blargaldalien 2 years ago 4
whisopered in the elephant's ear. the elephant shook his head,yes,then the boy whispered again,and the elephant shook his head no.
As I paid the kid,I asked what he had whispered.
The kid said,
"First I asked the elephant,if he remembered me."
"Then I asked him if he wanted me to go get the stick again..."
Blargaldalien 2 years ago 5
cunfucias say, baseball all wrong. Man can not walk with 4 balls
Whitestar17a 2 years ago
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when he hits your windshield?
His ass.
audionautix 2 years ago 2
Bet he don't have the guts to do that again!
archyr 2 years ago
why has no woman ever been to the moon?
it doesn't need cleaning.
loliott 2 years ago
a guy walks into a bar, and behind the counter there is a sign that says "cheese sandwiches $2.00, handjobs, $10.00. the guy says to the lady behind the counter :"excuse me miss are you the lady that gives the handjobs?" she says "yes i am" he says "great, well wash those hands and fix me a cheese sandwich."
snower5554 2 years ago 7
A Man ran over his wife, Whos fault was it... the Man's He was driving in the kitchen.
twan1492 2 years ago
A man ran over a woman, who's fault was it?
The woman's, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
Ryfasol 2 years ago 5
ok! let's do this, let's be funny.
now....
got nothing...
worldsmostfunrocker 2 years ago
Q: What comes out of a happy penis?
A: Wrinkles
BoomerChick55 2 years ago
A2. on m channel it would be SPRINKLES
PalmOliveSoap 2 years ago
why do all the comments dissapear?
battim 2 years ago
im not racist
racism is a crime and crime is for black people
synnott08 2 years ago 5
How can you tell when a blond has been using heroin?
The bottoms of the forks are all scorched.
kenrg 2 years ago
Two muffins are sitting in the oven. The first muffin says, "Wow, its really getting hot in here!" and the other muffin replies "Holy shit! a talking muffin!"
dolfsvlog 2 years ago
Two guys dressed as nuns walk into a penguin...
OhCurt 2 years ago
Guy 1: How tall are penguins?
Guy 2: About 2 feet.
Guy 1: Oh, crap, I ran over a nun.
kenrg 2 years ago 8
holding a Penguin
PalmOliveSoap 2 years ago
Comment removed
WaLLeeMynder 2 years ago