Shit Programmers Say

[Trigentify]

This is spooky, this is exactly what it is like going into the programmers corner at work, everyone sits staring at their monitors with headsets on. Actually making contact with them is a challenge in itself :D

[goldsmith000]

Macs for programming? Now that's something I haven't seen.

[timmeddy58]

@goldsmith000 mac's are unix based making them just as effective as programing on a linux box

[goldsmith000]

@timmeddy58 Oh yeah, you're right. Completely forgot about that.

[godlyandy]

@goldsmith000 lol noob

[aminex]

@goldsmith000

you haven't been programming long enough.

[goldsmith000]

@aminex Not that long, yeah.

I wasn't really thinking straight when I was made that comment. lol

[aminex]

@goldsmith000

lol its all good, programmers stick together!!!!

[PwnzorFTW]

bah, so true!

[ADEdge]

....Infinite loop at 00:54

[salatetis]

118 people are stupid users

[dadman1988]

LOL

[Segellion]

Programmers don't use macbooks.. =P

[kvweber]

@Segellion 90% of the ones I know actually do use Macbooks.

[joel053]

You left out

"Every since I pushed update last saturday your network has broken. Kindly to do the needful and provide urgently update ASAP.

[unknowable86]

definitely disappointed in the lack of monitors

[MamaOOPowPow]

LOL. This is totally our Dev Dept., except we all have at least two 21' inch widescreen monitors on our desk and some are hella messy with comps every where.

[Devsguy]

SEGMENTATION FAULT?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOO!

[corneliusofdark]

Programmer's code of silence.

[ZeF2007inc]

He was missing a semi-colon

[VladofWallachiaandCa]

*seg fault* Fuuuuuuuu....

[CronosXIIII]

fuck you syntax errors

[Jakon68]

@CronosXIIII Syntax errors are the easiest errors to fix, really. Think first. ^.^

[CronosXIIII]

@Jakon68 Clearly you missed the message of my post, so don't go around telling people to "think" before they post.

[Jakon68]

@CronosXIIII You poor poor man who cannot understand irony.

[CronosXIIII]

@Jakon68 Poor man who doesn't understand how to use the term irony :)

[kamikazerus]

More like shit apple-faggots say

[mikhalchuk]

Don't you think these "programmers" have ridiculously empty/neat/clean desks?

But, yeah, programming on mac is possible :) Not without a keyboard+mouse though.

[peduarte54]

What are these people saying that programmers can't use Mac? You cannot develop an iPhone app unless you're on a mac. Doesn't that make you a programmer?

[Creaform003]

@peduarte54 saying Apples are used to program because of Iphone apps is like saying that medicine is practised in chairs because of dentists.

Such a minute portion of the programming world is done on Apples.

[nyne9998]

who the hell programs on a mac?

[chief1223]

@nyne9998 People who like Bash but don't have time to fuck with Linux.

[fommes]

@nyne9998 I switched webdevelopment on mac like 8 months ago and will never go back.

[tinsulpop]

@nyne9998 i've been using a mac pro (first intel one) for years... it's a great *nix environ.

[k386]

@nyne9998 People who work in corporate environments that wont let them run Linux locally

[oknbnabaxd]

this is hilarious

[1reddit]

How does one program with a laptop? I hate typing on them. It would be a bit easier if you have an external mouse.

[xbriannaxbananax]

LOL i was waiting for something to that effect.

[jalyn153]

Mac + Programmers AHAHAHAH no.

[unconed]

@jalyn153 What, you'd rather have a shitty Windows box than a mature Unix machine?

[vuvuzelaelaela]

@jalyn153 you're an idiot

[Aeolistify]

We use the XP methodology at my work. Lots of talking with that approach...

[raketentim]

No GitHub sticker? Fake, that girl's not a programmer!

[tkherbi9a]

Last one is not a programmer, cuz you don't say YEAH when you write a line of code, you can writes thousands of lines and say YEAH, if it doesn't compile, you YEAH is invalid :D

[klaustaler]

fake!! the last one is not a programmer. he used hackertyper[dot]com ;) funny though

[artilleryboy1]

They should do a Shit hobos say

[mbowersjr]

0:11 Lies! Girls don't code!

[elise993tt]

@mbowersjr lies

[fozzyfresh]

I don't miss those days, one bit!

[cassavaugh01]

Where were the Moutain Dew cans?

[chantimothy]

@cassavaugh01 that's gamer's desk, i think programmer's desk is full off coffee cup.

[HordrissTheConfuser]

For a moment I thought you all had really cool chairs thanks to the moire effect.

[manyipse]

HAHAHAHAHA I wasn't expecting it but it's so true

[erikbartlow]

That's me at the end! F**K!!!!! I always say that, or "YEEESSSS!!!!!" and then turn around to high five....no one.

[hnrrrch]

@erikbartlow LOL This comment is better than the most commented one.

[erikbartlow]

@hnrrrch Thank. It is only the truth.

[QBLHqblh]

not enough words programmers say things like

"Coffee Break I'm Compiling" etc.

[midnightwolf333]

I mumble under my breath and curse at the computer sometimes.

[tsunamishijo]

I think I saw one IDE and the rest were mostly terminals. Yea....because programmers in the 21st century are still using VI. System.exit(1);

[brister61]

@tsunamishijo vi? we don't need no stinkin' vi.... emacs rulez!

[jeanmalan]

@tsunamishijo of coarse they do

[emperor43]

any programming task that involves more then one file with simple functions needs a multi-screen setup; not to mention a desktop pc if testing even the smallest change means more then 10 seconds of compiling or a restart of the server application

[pliskin100]

I know these arn't real programmers, because there's a female using a mac.

[AmelianVidz]

This describes my husband PERFECTLY lol Even the music from the headphones! I totally rofl from this. Love it

[mattarrr]

I liked the part where they coded.

[cfloringtg]

Are you kidding me? There are so many variations of fuck and shit I use when programming that you would think I'm a goddamn poet.

[Aznproz]

Not a single word was spoken! :D

[agatehawk]

@Aznproz I'm guessing you didn't watch the whole thing.

[l33tpwnzord]

boooooo

[movinfoward]

Funny but not very accurate. =/

[Gameathoner]

Programming on a Mac is about as effective and efficient as growing oranges on a grapevine.

[Calymos]

@Gameathoner Says somebody with no knowledge of operating systems. It's not like a Unix based system is, you know, capable of doing anything.

[BioTox2021]

Not really close to how it goes... It's more like

if(bug){echo 'wtf!'}else{echo 'i\'m fucking awesome at what I do!'}

[lgonggr]

terrible

[Pootrifaction]

a little anti-climatic - like watching the movie "hackers" as they type and pretend to be doing things. 

Many many cusswords must be uttered, fuck being the #1 word I must agree.

Programming, troubleshooting - cause Turrets syndrome, I have it, and i love it :D

[mynamebestname]

You need to curse a lot more when programming... It shoos away the evil bug spirits

[Cr0miX24]

shit..shit..shit..shit...more shit

[AmyPhetamine]

no shit...

[xMrsViolencex]

Desktops is what a real programmer uses :/

[blameboy]

Why do programmers confuse Hallowe'en and Christmas?

Because OCT31 == DEC25.

[johnmillekerjr]

'It's got to be a hardware problem'

[The1Fitzer]

@dilton7 Then you do too much work and not enough drinking coffee

[rudiedirkx]

Huh.

[amlegnd]

ffuckk....

[sagiras]

haha :D they are on hackertyper site :D

[golephish]

this video is perfect

[ThisBeTheVerse]

Bah! No mechanical keyboards or multi-screen set ups. Where they even real programmers?

[PaulMrThe]

@ThisBeTheVerse those are things that are not needed to program.

[beesting26]

@ThisBeTheVerse

If you are a programmer, you may want to check your above post for a syntax error.

[jsk4125]

@beesting26 And if you're not?

[cruzh3r]

@ThisBeTheVerse kidding me? You get laptop and work your ass off on "clean-desk" openspace

[CorporalDirge]

@ThisBeTheVerse Real programmers program with butterflies.

[ghenulo]

@CorporalDirge LOL, is that an Emacs reference?

[CorporalDirge]

@ghenulo It's an XKCD reference. xkcd.com/378/

[ghenulo]

@ThisBeTheVerse GNU screen is indeed all kinds of awesome. That's for sure. I've also tried tmux, but it was fugly.

[zalos]

@ThisBeTheVerse Seriously. Im sitting in front of 5 screens right now.

[felderup]

@ThisBeTheVerse that's more authors and graphic/3d artists.

[MoldytoasterMedia]

Programmers are such retards. 

[TheFatfingerjoe]

@MoldytoasterMedia programmers made it possible that you could post your stupid comment here so shut up

[MoldytoasterMedia]

@TheFatfingerjoe Soldiers gave me free speech, not the nerds.

[Metool42]

@MoldytoasterMedia And you use your free speech like a little greedy fat kid uses an all-you-can-eat-coupon. Be proud of yourself for repaying all those soldiers who died with being a dick. Yeah.

[demjp8RqDA]

@MoldytoasterMedia Soldiers made it safe to do so, nerds provide the forum.

[xphobe]

@MoldytoasterMedia We see u trollin'. I put on my robe and wizard hat, and recursively impale you on my Tower of Hanoi.

[knolmark]

Its missing: "We should make a prototype for that" "BAMM!" "This could only be done with Flash" "This should be done with a abstract factory pattern" "Nice!!" "hmm cache is really empty??" "Haha; thats not even strong-typed" "Uhm maybe with bitwise operations?" "This should definitely be done with jQuery" "What, who uses a singleton over here?!" "I don't know if that's possible yet" "Crap; the app died again" "We should use object pooling over here" "Did you read that blogpost?" "Lol, html5"

[noelsoong777]

Nooo shit programmers blame the engineers.

[iMaDeMoN2012]

Why isn't _FUCK! Top comment!

[Maxdwolf]

XKCD- 303

[xotmid]

Focused silence while jamming to music and typing, Focused silence while jamming to music and typing,Focused silence while jamming to music and typing. ,Focused silence while jamming to music and typing. ,Focused silence while jamming to music and typing. ,Focused silence while jamming to music and typing. .....

...

Silence pause.....

Pause...

$cursewords

[bobownsbob]

Scarily accurate.

[Zdolshin]

I say alot of, "WTF", "Are you serious!", "BS", "NO EFFIN Way!", "Compile damn you", "ERROR?" to my computer. To people, "Yeah when I find my magic leprechaun", "Sure I can do that, but it'll set the timeline back another two weeks", "You can't just start typing you have to plan this first!", "yeah it should work", "Seriously! Again!", "Write your password down this time", "Nope, all that data is gone now. Real smooth" Pretty common stuff

[gtaluvit]

forgot "should work, it compiles"

[ganthc]

I think they missed these quotes:

1. "But it works on my local..."

2. "Stack trace or GTFO!"

3. "That's actually a feature, not a bug."

[yuletide]

@codeforamerica wutup!

[jeremiahmcom]

Ha ha, you can see that some of them are just using HackerTyper.

[GCGuy128]

It sounds like someone is typing on a mechanical keyboard in the background, like a DasKeyboard with Cherry MX Blue switches or something.

[JLuBBer]

my life

[cyberbadger]

This only represents one class of programmer. You can tell when I am actually programming intensely because I will say things like "What!", "No!", "Ohhh...", "Damnit!", "Sh*t!" much more often. If I'm quiet it's probably because I'm web surfing instead of programming.

[en3pnur]

@cyberbadger haha!! I agree with you 100%!

[HakanakuKieyuku]

@cyberbadger I totally do that too -_-

[beriukay]

@cyberbadger I tend to talk to my functions (or maybe myself?). "What the fuck's wrong with you?", "There you are, you bastard", "Fuck you!", "There you go..." (in Cartman voice)

[Callirgos1]

What I'd really like to see is the commented notes to self - they're always hilarious

[BlackHarpy]

"I worked on my computer" - That's a classic.

[MrMentrax]

Story of my life...No seriously

[smartin807]

Working with programmers for about 30 years, they say more than that! My favorites are:

1. "It's the Hardware's fault".

2. "No, no, it's SIMPLE, all that's need is to write a routine where gravity pulls UP instead of down!"

3. "Well, they are WRONG! Go back to the USB consortium and tell them to change the spec. to work with our software!"

[Huntorkrunk]

Yup. They hit the nail on the head.

[johnnyray02]

oh my God i hit the floor laughing that's totally accurate

[jamesrich08]

Lol. This is exactly how it goes. They nailed it.

[nolispex]

Cool video, Philip!

[kolrabi]

PROGRAMMING, ZBGURESHPXRE

DO YOU SPEAK IT?

[tinsulpop]

@kolrabi hint: rot13-region :-) guvf vf n ebg13 wbxr. qvq lbh trg vg?

[zushiba]

As a programmer I can say this is completely accurate.

[tinsulpop]

@zushiba nah, i yell and stuff. usually when i discover some bone-headed thing in the code :)

[tinsulpop]

@tinsulpop oh, i should have waited until the end. yes, perfectly accurate !

[zushiba]

@tinsulpop That's how it goes. I'll stare at a particular segment of code, knowing full well that the error is in there and I go over the logic several hundred times. Testing it over and over to see what the hell's going on. Finally I realize it's some stupid simple thing like I left out a quotation mark or I malformed something and the logic itself was fine the whole time. Then I yell FUCK!

[dasanjos]

I'm a offensive and I find this programmer!

[maybeidontgiveashit]

EXCELSIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gimbar83]

I've waited for a heart warming "WTF?!" :D

[Tehsusenoh]

.......

[sherryLady1981]

Same here, I was waiting for a "Fuck" :D

[MobiusCoin]

Boss: "What are you doing?"

Programmer: "It's compiling."

[eigentensor]

none of these programmers have a real computer

[NorthboundFox]

@eigentensor You've never programmed anything in your life, have you? :\

[eigentensor]

@NorthboundFox i'm a reasonably well known programmer

[Kadda67]

I was going to write a comment about me usually saying "fuck" when I get stuck, but then it happened. lol awesome.

[toasterthegamer]

Sometimes I'll get up do a little dance and sing zip dee doo dah

[iwantcoolname]

I was waiting for that FUCK

[funkycoder1]

also: "what"

[notjustyeti]

(Um, shouldn't that be the S-word, instead? For a programmer, they're not good at following the title of their own video...)

[bcstractor]

I don't spend my time in conference rooms - I spend it trying to get around code that doesn't work properly. G-mail that quits a download half way. CAD code that just blows up.

[bcstractor]

Right - the Internet on dialup was faster than what we have today. As I said -CODE BLOAT.

[thetinypinkelephant]

.... !

[DoctorChub]

Wow i got the same fucking 2 minute 36 second Viewster ad 3 times at once. what the hell.

[Squeeonline]

@DoctorChub adblock plus dude.

[DoctorChub]

@Squeeonline but never.

[Squeeonline]

@DoctorChub what?

[DoctorChub]

@Squeeonline sorry i'm a shit programmer

[dsavix4]

I KNEW it.

[champasaur]

"fuck"

[jonathancarter1982]

Not true! Most programmers quite often say "What the fuck!?"

[YarrysMod]

@jonathancarter1982 Yeah, like the last time I went through someone else's code... wtf.

[dilton7]

WTF?? this video is wrong.

as a programer i am always like ..."its downloading" , "its uploading" , "its installing" , "its extracting" , "its compiling" , "its archiving" , "its searching" ,"its loading" .... while i am drinking a cup of coffee.

[lalaithan]

@dilton7 The coffee is essential in this thing we call programming.

[anatomyofashane]

@dilton7 you must be on Windows :P

[SFRWood]

Oh, I think someone dereferenced a null pointer!

[evlpanda]

If you look carefully the 5th one is writing Star Wars themed erotic fiction.

[xSaucecode]

0:51 NullPointerException

[dolkensp]

To all those claiming programmers don't work on laptops: flickr.com/photos/alluran/6619­408781/in/set-7215762622088271­3/lightbox/

[SSeth1010]

I could listen to that ending diddy for days.

that last guy was debugging I assume.