I'm know that... I'm not that cumbersome at all, even more so for men in his position, all he would have to do is dismiss me and I would be gone... You see the thing that is problematic in this area, isn't me... but him... He doesn't want to hurt me, though any action he take will cause me pain... I a negate offering him the dilemma.
I'm not worried about people judging me, people seeing me as a burden or not. If I were only a bother things would be easier. The man is too kind for his own good.
Yeah, but I'll be leaving soon enough... less then a week now... I know I put myself down, it's a horrible habit, as for the letting him decide, its kind of hard... He's not one to tell me, even should I be, also, I'm not sure how aware of the situation he is and so here is no way for me to derive his feeling on the matter... I'm not sure if I like complicating things, maybe, but I tend to be very cautious when people I care deeply about are in the fold.
I do... what makes you think I don't... but for the most part it's a pain in the ass, I feel uneasy and nothing more... And I enjoy being by myself... as hard as that is for most to digest...
Dolce & Gabbana, and such, overpriced crap... It would be... if I didn't have a crush on him... But I feel I'm mostly trouble to him, he wouldn't say anything though- far to sweet... and besides, I don't live here... so it's hard for use to have any kind of relationship...
No... we have more in common then people might think... we are both slightly outside of the norm... He was always nice to be because we were both picked on... We both liked then same style and music... though now he wears DG shit... but he's just not a very talky kind of guy... Strong silent type... He the kind of guy that doesn't say anything, unless he has something to say... even then, always to the point.
As for Opening up to him... I'm very open with most people... perhaps I'm more secretive with him then others... rather then open... I would be, I'd like to be... but it's not my place... So I have to keep my thoughts, at least the more lascivious ones bottled up... then I throw them onto a canvas...
A large reason is that he's rather oblivious... most men I like tend to be... though if they know I'm gay then they pay more attention to those kind of things... It's really very difficult and I often slip up and do stupid things that give me away... but I try and keep at least him in the dark... I'm very selfless when it comes to people I like... You see, if I told him... I would be at ease that he knew, and could process his reaction... but it would cause him only trouble, so I don't.
I don't know... I still care for him and always well... but I try not to use that word too often... When I'm far away from him I don't really think about him... unless something reminds me of him... then for a few days I do...
Because I know him... I know it wouldn't bother him that a man likes him, it would bother him that her tortures me... He's that kind of guy... he hate people being mad at him, or when he hurts peoples feelings... especially people who are alway nice t him...
No it would be a load off my shoulders, but a load on his, he knows I care about him, but he thinks as a friend. If he knew that was something more he'll be unsettled around me, he'll understand why some things he did made me upset, and made him seem like an asshole had he known... and for not knowing... I see no up side for him know. If he every came to me, cry and saying no one loved him. I might consider it then, though I would have to assess the situation.
I doubt he would... I said that just to show how improbably it is that I would tell him... Only I have to gain from it anyway... and I'm fairly sure he is unaware of it... Perhaps other are, as well they should be... I think it's painfully obvious... I don't socialize much and answer monosyllabically, though with him, I drag conversation out of him... I'm also very closed and don't like people touching me... but I find every excuse to touch him... However slight... I must make he so uneasy...
Well, I do have people I care about. In fact, just now I spent time with a old crush. I care for him very much, and though I pick on him a little, I worry about him and do things that are in his best interests. I hold back my nature, my feeling, my thought, because I know they will only weight on him. He has no idea that I like him that way, because I try so hard to keep him from it. I love caring about him, my problem isn't selfishness but selflessness. I ignore my own needs when I'm with him.
Not sure it's in spite, perhaps it's because... Thanks... though I hope that if someone who care for me comes alone, I won't drive them away... but considering I aware that I might do that... I will tell myself to be selfish and hold on to them... because I would leave them to spear them complication that come along with being with me... in pretty much any capacity...
No necessarily, even if I'm relatively sure I can... or like ordering food in a restaurant is hard for me. Well, not really blame, I link that as the cause... but I'm not hung up on it... I don't use it as an excuse for things... I'm just trying to solve the problem, or at least find the cause and it seems the most plausible... My behavior started to change around that age, and I have little to no memories from then...
I might be... I'm not sure... Io tends to be a rather naive and oblivious person... so probably more then that... but that might be part of it...
I kind of have a bit of a different face is different situations... I don't have many friends... the few I do have are always surprised when they find out... though small things... but if not, most people think I'm an outgoing guy... Like I've run up to people I don't know and started talking (but I treat it as a joke or some such thing and I get by.
Even my therapists take a while to get that... because I normally have a very strong and commanding air, I've heard, and so it's easily overlooked, but it shows up in subtle things... like when I have to by something... Unless I treat is like a joke of some kind... but if something is more serious I am uncomfortable
Well, it's not so much that... its more that I say one thing and do another of fight for one side of an argument then just change my mind... I also tend to dislike thing I like and vice-versa... I named the Io (my first personality) and Triton (my second) Pretty much anything that involves social interaction... Io wants it, Triton tries to protect me from it...
That I'm sure of... I'm always better with stranger, especially faceless ones. Probably... about the can't face... but I want to...
If you like being that way, then what is the problem? People will accept you or not. I for one like opinionated people. I listen to what they have to say. Sometimes I will learn a thing or two, but in the end I will always go by what I think is right.
As I said before that is just the way you are. Do they have debating teams at your college? Are you really sure, whatever is bothering you is from your childhood?
The problem is that I'm very inconsistent, because I have my two polar opposite side that fight for domain over my action... I don't think I would be good, I am horrible a communicating with people, I'm not very calculating, though often I wish I were... I'm don't think things through often and so that wouldn't work... I'm not sure... but it's the only I have no memories of that time... I don't remember going back 3-4 years But then I have no concept of time... I can't match time and space...
No need to apologize. There is nothing wrong pointing out what you consider flaws in people's arguments, but if you do it all the time people will begin to dislike you. You will become Mr. know it all. Sometimes you are better off just biting your tongue. However, if it is a matter of life and death then you must. Moving on, maybe it is not something from your childhood, maybe it is something recent. When you look in the mirror are you happy with what you see? If not then, ask yourself why.
And I do it all the time... that was kind of the point, or rather way I apologized. I'm very bad at biting my tongue, because I don't like keeping most thoughts to myself... I very open and I like being that way... I have a hard time keeping secrets (about myself) and I hate lying... so I have a hard time shutting up... I always find that when people offer simple solutions it insults my intelligence and I normally get upset... I've done that, everything seems to lead to my past...
I do not know you, so I cannot say. However, I have known people like you. Maybe the people around you when you were growing up put some type of crap in your head.
Maybe something happen to you when you were in the 5th or 6th grade. Something
So painful you block it out, but the scares remained, or maybe that is just the way you are.
People can be complicated. Trust me I know. Seriously, many people out there feel like you.
Ahh, but so say you know someone like me... is to suggest you know me... is it not? It's not may family, at least not my mother... it could have been in fifth grade, I moved to a private school for a year... it was a mixed ages... I think I was one of the youngest... I can't remember though.
I'm not really scared of it... I find it troublesome... and it's polarized me reactions. I'm a good natured, sweet and intensely naive personality, which caused me the trouble... but my other side is this.
No its not, I am only going by what you write which has a familiar ring to it. Do you like to debate people? Did you ever speak to your mother about this? Maybe she knows what you cannot remember. I still say if you think long and hard enough it will come back to you. Please do this before it destroys your life. PS, when did all this start?
It's a habit, I'm not sure I've tried hard to break... It's become instinctive to seek out the flaws in peoples arguments and point them out... almost uncontrollable really, sorry... My mother and everyone else for that matter are no help... they say I have selective memory, and I say, yeah but why am I blocking it out... Trust me... I've spent a lot of time trying to remember... I just get bits a pieces... None of which are enough to go by... I can't remember when it started...
Trying to avoid everyone except your British friend. Well I guess if you are trying to avoid them their not worth seeing anyway. Would you agree with that?
I guess... it's kind of complicated... people her are rather false, they act all nice and then say things behind your back... and it doesn't so much bother me as it would other people... I don't mind being disliked, but I think... why go through the effort of being nice to me... what's the point.?
That's why I avoid them... and because they are all crazy or boring
Most people are like that, I do not know if it really means they dislike you. You are too hard on yourself. If they are crazy and boring people, they have nothing better to do. So look at it this way, you given them happiness in their dull and boring lives by giving them something new to talk about.
I dislike people because I'm scared if them... I'm not sure why, but something must have happened to cause me to feel uneasy around people, stranger really or people I can't predict... If I can't at least have a general sense of what someone will do or how they'll react I feel uneasy... I know when it happened... 5-6 grade, but I have relatively no memories of my childhood... I know my childhood, but I can't remember it... if that makes sense to you...
Of course it's a poor self-image... the question is what is it's cause... it's origin is what I wonder about... repression always has it's reasons... either way... I'm not sure it's paranoia... though it would fall into the realm of phobia... Paranoia is slightly different...
i had the same experience. i was looking for an intelectually stimulating enviroment but almost all the students i met were just there to get a degree.i related to the lecturers and professors far more. Its not that people are stupid but you are just more intellegent, its never cool to call people idiots, point out their errors and leave it at that. I dropped out after a year studying philosophy because i realised that if learning is what you really want most universities are not the place to be
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vmslp 2 years ago
I'm know that... I'm not that cumbersome at all, even more so for men in his position, all he would have to do is dismiss me and I would be gone... You see the thing that is problematic in this area, isn't me... but him... He doesn't want to hurt me, though any action he take will cause me pain... I a negate offering him the dilemma.
I'm not worried about people judging me, people seeing me as a burden or not. If I were only a bother things would be easier. The man is too kind for his own good.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
Yeah, but I'll be leaving soon enough... less then a week now... I know I put myself down, it's a horrible habit, as for the letting him decide, its kind of hard... He's not one to tell me, even should I be, also, I'm not sure how aware of the situation he is and so here is no way for me to derive his feeling on the matter... I'm not sure if I like complicating things, maybe, but I tend to be very cautious when people I care deeply about are in the fold.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
I do... what makes you think I don't... but for the most part it's a pain in the ass, I feel uneasy and nothing more... And I enjoy being by myself... as hard as that is for most to digest...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
Dolce & Gabbana, and such, overpriced crap... It would be... if I didn't have a crush on him... But I feel I'm mostly trouble to him, he wouldn't say anything though- far to sweet... and besides, I don't live here... so it's hard for use to have any kind of relationship...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
No... we have more in common then people might think... we are both slightly outside of the norm... He was always nice to be because we were both picked on... We both liked then same style and music... though now he wears DG shit... but he's just not a very talky kind of guy... Strong silent type... He the kind of guy that doesn't say anything, unless he has something to say... even then, always to the point.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
As for Opening up to him... I'm very open with most people... perhaps I'm more secretive with him then others... rather then open... I would be, I'd like to be... but it's not my place... So I have to keep my thoughts, at least the more lascivious ones bottled up... then I throw them onto a canvas...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
A large reason is that he's rather oblivious... most men I like tend to be... though if they know I'm gay then they pay more attention to those kind of things... It's really very difficult and I often slip up and do stupid things that give me away... but I try and keep at least him in the dark... I'm very selfless when it comes to people I like... You see, if I told him... I would be at ease that he knew, and could process his reaction... but it would cause him only trouble, so I don't.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
I don't know... I still care for him and always well... but I try not to use that word too often... When I'm far away from him I don't really think about him... unless something reminds me of him... then for a few days I do...
Because I know him... I know it wouldn't bother him that a man likes him, it would bother him that her tortures me... He's that kind of guy... he hate people being mad at him, or when he hurts peoples feelings... especially people who are alway nice t him...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
No it would be a load off my shoulders, but a load on his, he knows I care about him, but he thinks as a friend. If he knew that was something more he'll be unsettled around me, he'll understand why some things he did made me upset, and made him seem like an asshole had he known... and for not knowing... I see no up side for him know. If he every came to me, cry and saying no one loved him. I might consider it then, though I would have to assess the situation.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
I doubt he would... I said that just to show how improbably it is that I would tell him... Only I have to gain from it anyway... and I'm fairly sure he is unaware of it... Perhaps other are, as well they should be... I think it's painfully obvious... I don't socialize much and answer monosyllabically, though with him, I drag conversation out of him... I'm also very closed and don't like people touching me... but I find every excuse to touch him... However slight... I must make he so uneasy...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
Well, I do have people I care about. In fact, just now I spent time with a old crush. I care for him very much, and though I pick on him a little, I worry about him and do things that are in his best interests. I hold back my nature, my feeling, my thought, because I know they will only weight on him. He has no idea that I like him that way, because I try so hard to keep him from it. I love caring about him, my problem isn't selfishness but selflessness. I ignore my own needs when I'm with him.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
Not sure it's in spite, perhaps it's because... Thanks... though I hope that if someone who care for me comes alone, I won't drive them away... but considering I aware that I might do that... I will tell myself to be selfish and hold on to them... because I would leave them to spear them complication that come along with being with me... in pretty much any capacity...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
No necessarily, even if I'm relatively sure I can... or like ordering food in a restaurant is hard for me. Well, not really blame, I link that as the cause... but I'm not hung up on it... I don't use it as an excuse for things... I'm just trying to solve the problem, or at least find the cause and it seems the most plausible... My behavior started to change around that age, and I have little to no memories from then...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
I might be... I'm not sure... Io tends to be a rather naive and oblivious person... so probably more then that... but that might be part of it...
I kind of have a bit of a different face is different situations... I don't have many friends... the few I do have are always surprised when they find out... though small things... but if not, most people think I'm an outgoing guy... Like I've run up to people I don't know and started talking (but I treat it as a joke or some such thing and I get by.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
Even my therapists take a while to get that... because I normally have a very strong and commanding air, I've heard, and so it's easily overlooked, but it shows up in subtle things... like when I have to by something... Unless I treat is like a joke of some kind... but if something is more serious I am uncomfortable
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
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vmslp 2 years ago
Well, it's not so much that... its more that I say one thing and do another of fight for one side of an argument then just change my mind... I also tend to dislike thing I like and vice-versa... I named the Io (my first personality) and Triton (my second) Pretty much anything that involves social interaction... Io wants it, Triton tries to protect me from it...
That I'm sure of... I'm always better with stranger, especially faceless ones. Probably... about the can't face... but I want to...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
If you like being that way, then what is the problem? People will accept you or not. I for one like opinionated people. I listen to what they have to say. Sometimes I will learn a thing or two, but in the end I will always go by what I think is right.
As I said before that is just the way you are. Do they have debating teams at your college? Are you really sure, whatever is bothering you is from your childhood?
vmslp 2 years ago
The problem is that I'm very inconsistent, because I have my two polar opposite side that fight for domain over my action... I don't think I would be good, I am horrible a communicating with people, I'm not very calculating, though often I wish I were... I'm don't think things through often and so that wouldn't work... I'm not sure... but it's the only I have no memories of that time... I don't remember going back 3-4 years But then I have no concept of time... I can't match time and space...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
No need to apologize. There is nothing wrong pointing out what you consider flaws in people's arguments, but if you do it all the time people will begin to dislike you. You will become Mr. know it all. Sometimes you are better off just biting your tongue. However, if it is a matter of life and death then you must. Moving on, maybe it is not something from your childhood, maybe it is something recent. When you look in the mirror are you happy with what you see? If not then, ask yourself why.
vmslp 2 years ago
And I do it all the time... that was kind of the point, or rather way I apologized. I'm very bad at biting my tongue, because I don't like keeping most thoughts to myself... I very open and I like being that way... I have a hard time keeping secrets (about myself) and I hate lying... so I have a hard time shutting up... I always find that when people offer simple solutions it insults my intelligence and I normally get upset... I've done that, everything seems to lead to my past...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
I do not know you, so I cannot say. However, I have known people like you. Maybe the people around you when you were growing up put some type of crap in your head.
Maybe something happen to you when you were in the 5th or 6th grade. Something
So painful you block it out, but the scares remained, or maybe that is just the way you are.
People can be complicated. Trust me I know. Seriously, many people out there feel like you.
vmslp 2 years ago
Ahh, but so say you know someone like me... is to suggest you know me... is it not? It's not may family, at least not my mother... it could have been in fifth grade, I moved to a private school for a year... it was a mixed ages... I think I was one of the youngest... I can't remember though.
I'm not really scared of it... I find it troublesome... and it's polarized me reactions. I'm a good natured, sweet and intensely naive personality, which caused me the trouble... but my other side is this.
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
No its not, I am only going by what you write which has a familiar ring to it. Do you like to debate people? Did you ever speak to your mother about this? Maybe she knows what you cannot remember. I still say if you think long and hard enough it will come back to you. Please do this before it destroys your life. PS, when did all this start?
vmslp 2 years ago
It's a habit, I'm not sure I've tried hard to break... It's become instinctive to seek out the flaws in peoples arguments and point them out... almost uncontrollable really, sorry... My mother and everyone else for that matter are no help... they say I have selective memory, and I say, yeah but why am I blocking it out... Trust me... I've spent a lot of time trying to remember... I just get bits a pieces... None of which are enough to go by... I can't remember when it started...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
Trying to avoid everyone except your British friend. Well I guess if you are trying to avoid them their not worth seeing anyway. Would you agree with that?
vmslp 2 years ago
I guess... it's kind of complicated... people her are rather false, they act all nice and then say things behind your back... and it doesn't so much bother me as it would other people... I don't mind being disliked, but I think... why go through the effort of being nice to me... what's the point.?
That's why I avoid them... and because they are all crazy or boring
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
Most people are like that, I do not know if it really means they dislike you. You are too hard on yourself. If they are crazy and boring people, they have nothing better to do. So look at it this way, you given them happiness in their dull and boring lives by giving them something new to talk about.
vmslp 2 years ago
I dislike people because I'm scared if them... I'm not sure why, but something must have happened to cause me to feel uneasy around people, stranger really or people I can't predict... If I can't at least have a general sense of what someone will do or how they'll react I feel uneasy... I know when it happened... 5-6 grade, but I have relatively no memories of my childhood... I know my childhood, but I can't remember it... if that makes sense to you...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
Of course it's a poor self-image... the question is what is it's cause... it's origin is what I wonder about... repression always has it's reasons... either way... I'm not sure it's paranoia... though it would fall into the realm of phobia... Paranoia is slightly different...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
I enjoy watching your videos, but you are too intelligence for the general you tube population.
vmslp 2 years ago
Well, if that is true... then it's a much needed dose of intellect...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
That is true. That is why you need to make some new videos. I am looking forward to your commentaries.
vmslp 2 years ago
Well, at first I was busy, then my cam was messed up and now I'm in Europe so I can't fix it... it's a mac, but I will try to put something new up...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
Looking forward to it. Enjoy your stay.
vmslp 2 years ago
I'm trying to avoid everyone, that would be enjoyable, accept my British Friend, she's fun...
DsaiTheWhite 2 years ago
i had the same experience. i was looking for an intelectually stimulating enviroment but almost all the students i met were just there to get a degree.i related to the lecturers and professors far more. Its not that people are stupid but you are just more intellegent, its never cool to call people idiots, point out their errors and leave it at that. I dropped out after a year studying philosophy because i realised that if learning is what you really want most universities are not the place to be
DukeOfQueens 3 years ago