Adoption - The Expected Sense of Gratitude

[metaldragon82]

Being told I am 'lucky' used to really hurt and made me feel awful, but I could never understand why. I don't understand why people feel they have the right to tell adoptees how they should feel/ be. I didn't ask to be adopted, to feel like a part of me is missing, that I am unwanted and unloveable. And on top of the pain, I am expected be 'grateful' and to feel 'lucky'. It's degrading!

[yummieyummie123]

Similar situations happen for foster kids too. Before I was adopted by them my foster mother at the time would say, (when I didn't feel like entertaining her entertain her two bratty spoiled cousins, to which I said to them, "You don't always get what you want!") "MY family does SO MUCH FOR YOU." My feelings and opinions ALWAYS come second to theirs.

I'm now cut off from them financially for taking a break from college (depression) and will be homeless/jobless when the dorms kick me out.

[rexappel]

I hate when ppl say that I am so lucky!! I didnt asked for shit...

[oiuweroiuwer]

excellent.

[LeeMIlby]

That said, i have seen the assumption before and feel that it's a common misconception that does need to be corrected

[Airstrik3]

omfg her new parents needa take care of her holy shit, u can tell that they only bring her to Mcdonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[maybetuesday1790]

She makes sense. NO child should ever have to feel as though the adopted parents did them a favor. Get over yourselves. YOU wanted a child. YOU asked to be the parents and not the other way around. That child did not ask you for anything.

[asian897]

I'm a Korean adoptee and I've had similar issues with feeling like this too. Because I often feel like if you're expected to be grateful, it's kind of like people saying that you would be worthless and pathetic if someone hadn't taken you in. And it's also like saying that you're not a strong, independent person and that you will always be in debt to the people who took you in.

[cloudberry121]

Teens usually will have periods of being ungrateful little bastards. That's part of the growing process. Adopted teens have the same right to go through a self-centered bratty period as a natural child.

The only thing you can do is wait for the grandchildren to avenge you once they reach their teens.

[1siin]

As a Korean adoptee, I wanted to say to parents out there who are considering adopting internationally; if you are adopting for the sole purpose to love and add a member to your family, I would highly recommend against international adoption.

[Efferts]

@1siin I'm not understanding. Realize I'm not against your claim. This is perfectly new to me, the observation. I've never heard of it. Elaborate why international adoption shouldn't be encouraged? To sustain the initial culture of the child- am I close? I thought adoption was the "best thing" for an orphan...?

[nomorefunds]

I think, in general, that EVERYONE should be grateful to their parents who raised them. Regardless of whether or not they were adopted.

If an adopted child is angry at his adoptive parents, despite the fact that they loved him and cared for him well, then they obviously made a mistake adopting that child.

[SilverWolf1492]

I'm really grateful that someone else actually think that way and talk about it.

This is one thought we don't talk about often and its really difficult to explain to people who actually don't feel that way at all...

[EbonyNewsChannel]

@SilverWolf1492 I think you would enjoy an interview by a biracial woman adopted from Asia by a white family. She is against adoption and she lays out the case very well. . Look up, "The C.O.W.S with Lisa Marie Rollins" on blogtalkradio" I hope that helps. She speaks on her conflict with the whole thing and her experiences. She is 40 now.

[SilverWolf1492]

@EbonyNewsChannel Thanks !

[misteeq64]

I suppose this turmoil start during the teenage year??? Adoptees have like non adoptee have issue of self .Some of them resolves others dont . I do not believe these issue are sole related to adoption

[xxNightberryx]

wtf you should be happy to get adopted... and who are u to decide what parents u are going to have. Even a children who have never been adopten in their lifes don't have a chance to choose their parents!!!

[slappymcgroundout]

My birth mom to me once: you ought to feel lucky, since not everyone has what you have. So, Dr., your point is? And I was lucky, since I wasn't going to be one of the 3 million or so age 5 and under who were going to die that year from preventable disease. Mom didn't want me worshipping the ground that she walked on, but instead wanted me to have some perspective, since as bad I might have perceived things to be, things could be always be worse.

[bluepenguinflyboi]

As an adoptee I want to point an important Fact " EVERY ADOPTEE GOES THROUGH DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES" NOT ALL ADOPTEES HAVE GREAT EXPERIENCES! I'm not trying to offend anyone here but seriously LISTEN TO THE ADOPTEE SIDE FOR JUST ONCE!

[Kiljan137]

this is stupid, all adoptive parents i ever came across go on and on about how lucky they themselves are for their child.

[Kiljan137]

Adoption is not for the faint hearted

[sndblstr]

This woman in the video IS an idiot. Adoptees ought to feel lucky, YES. Lucky to have received love and care as a child. Lucky to have not been aborted. Just as anyone, adoptees and non-adoptees alike, should feel grateful for life and for being raised with love and care. This so-called doctor Amanda Baden is just trying to stir up feelings of victimization. This should be resisted unless you want a whining brat child growing up incorrectly feeling like the world did them wrong.

[danytibi]

There is a difference between appreciating the good things in life and having a feeling of "debt" because of something you never asked for, the world is NOT a perfect place, and people SHOULD be able to express dissatisfaction if they do feell dissatisfied.

[RadioEEBB]

I love this video because it shows a VIEW not often SEEN or thought by others. I think its very ONE SIDED, to say this is one sided because I think this is a very different way of looking at chinese adoption. I love it because it can be hard always feeling like a charity sucess story. And this says, what I've felt for a long time, in words.

[grpcreach]

I think there is a mixture of gratitude and grief in many adoptees. Grateful for a loving family but also understanding the hole that is created by being orphaned at any point in life. The feelings are different in all people....no two situations are alike in any two people--even if they are dealing with the same things.

[batmanzena]

They shouldn't be grateful. International adoptees lost their mother, father, family, culture, heritage, country, flown across oceans to live with a strange family, all before they had a say in it.

It's the adoptive parents who should be grateful-the child gave up everything to "complete" their family. The adoptive parent who tells their child that they don't need to feel grateful is the parent that REALLY loves and respects their adoptive kid.

[swahe42]

I am an adoptive parent and I share your viewpoint. My wife and I are very lucky to have the opportunity to teach, love and cherish the little boy we adopted last year.

[silthefitter]

As an adoptive parent, I think you said it perfectly! As parents we are the lucky ones - every child deserves a loving family - it's their basic right

[Prkwon]

@batmanzena it's weird when you hear people say "grateful" with adoptee from foreign country especially if they

are adopted from a war torn countries or a country where they are recovering from. I am a Korean American and i talk to many older generation where they were adopted around K-War to late 80s where they were torn from their parents to live with strangers who doesn't speak their language and a lot of them abused them or didn't help them when they were being ostricized by friends

[The249]

They shouldn't be grateful. They didn't ask to be taken and they would have had a better life growing up in China or Korea.

[scata99]

Get over it and thank god your white parents were kind enough to take you to a first world nation.

[batmanzena]

go educate yourself before you say stupid stuff like that. people who know the least about something, in this case, adoption, should be the last ones who give their opinion.

[swahe42]

I think this is a one sided view point. The child may or may not have had a better life in one place over the other. I encourage you to read "I Wish for You a Beautiful Life" to see why Korean birth mothers place their children in adoption services. On the other hand there are families who adopt with the greatest of intentions only to not provide a safe and nurturing environment.  These are the "What ifs" that we all have to live with.

[Melimoo]

as a young (20) korean adoptee, some of the comments on this video disturb me. i have NEVER felt like i should be guilty or grateful just because i am adopted. i guess i was lucky enough to grow up with parents and family who never saw me as an adopted daughter but just a daughter.

i understand that this movie is supposed to help families considering adoption, but i have trouble identifying with a lot of the negative experiences other adoptees have.

[rnlwalk]

yes, so true, the birth families always think about themselves, I was told about my adoption at age 17 and all they told me was a lady walks in a hospital and doesnt give any information, has the baby and just slips back out, im suppose to believe this. like everytime i ask about my adoption, its like they are offended. like its all about them and their feelings. and how lucky i should be or feel. im sick of it.

[Suisyo]

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. A good friend of mine was adopted out of Korea, later finding out he was of Japanese decent, and he was treated like a comodity, lied to about his heritage, and verbally and emotionally abused. As someone who would love to adopt a child one day, it sickens me to know people out there willingly adopt children only to hurt them. They did this willingly, the child had no choice, this isnt the same as accidentally getting pregnant.

[southmomto7]

way to go Sheila I sent the info to all of my friends to view...including my sons birthmother

thanks for sharing

Deb

SC

[furtherandyfield]

yes also very similar views difficult for poeple in normal family to understand yet people whom have no clue think that finding and having children adopted works a lots needs to be changed their are too many off us adoption has caused more problems than imaginable.

thank you for your video

[teenlebean]

wow this hit me...I'm half indian/british. What you said about feeling you should be so grateful really hit home.I also grew up feeling very guilty.... and also the anger..I'm 39 and only now realising i AM actually really angry!! And I'm such a placid person..lots of buried stuff in there!I'm now seeking help from a counseller.

[AdopteeWarrior]

if that isn't the truth, i don't know what is!! Thank you!!