am i asexual? i always reject sex requests, nor i feel love when im kissing boys. ive also kissed girls,just as gross. idk, im only 13 and its common to be "confused" at this age . boys make me sick.so im not that straight. but girls i feel nothing.so im not gay. even if i was boy crazy, id have a hard time attracting guys. eh i hope asexualality gets known more...
@moonharpz321 Well, other people can't tell you whether you're asexual or not, and you are pretty young, but what's important right now is that you understand you're not broken if you don't develop interest in sex or find people sexually appealing. You might change in the future, but as long as you know you don't "have to," you'll be okay. I hope asexuality gets known more too.
It's unfortunate...... that you wasted all that precious time arguing with an over-sexed belligerent ignoramus. Believe me the world is chocked full of these types. I believe it is why the world is in the state it is today.
@DracoAquarian1 Eh, I don't really consider it a waste if I can later use the conversation to be instructive or inspiring for others. If I can't get through to the person I'm talking to, they can become a bad example. :) Yes, I'm aware how chock full of oversexed ignoramuses the world is . . . I run into them regularly as they question me on how I can possibly expect to be happy if I don't pursue happiness in the same ways they do. Clearly ever so enlightened, no?
Being asexual should be a prerequisite to holding elected office. Too many people in congress think with their dicks. On that note, atheism should also be a prerequisite. Too many of those vagina-starved congressmen think with their bibles when their penis is momentarily not throbbing.
@eggiex1 Eh, I disagree here. I do think people who are in charge of the government shouldn't be making bad decisions in general, no matter what temptations or proclivities inspire them to do so, but I feel like actually saying only asexual people can be elected suggests that sexual people just plain can't be expected to control themselves (even if electing only asexuals were possible). It'd be setting an example that it's expected/accepted to behave inappropriately if you're sexual.
@sirtinycreep No, not really. I don't believe that wanting to be attractive in a normative fashion suggests that I must be doing it to attract men, so whether I wear makeup is kinda irrelevant. I mainly don't wear makeup if I don't like how it looks, though sometimes I like glitter or lip gloss and, on a special occasion, mascara. In everyday situations I am much more likely to dress up my hair or wear jewelry than to wear makeup.
Glad you liked the video. Due to time constraints I could only showcase the most relevant parts of the conversation, but I do tend to try to offer extended metaphors and comparative situations that help people grasp my message. I enjoy language. I'm going to be submitting my latest book to agents starting this month.
I call the place OkStupid for a reason. This would be one of them. Dudes send me some weird crap ALL THE TIME! They're so irritating when they make it obvious that they saw I have boobs and sent me a note trying to get in my pants.
(or they send me some serious weird crap asking if I want a slave, or if they can pet my cat...)
Thanks for posting this, though. It's a laugh and makes me feel better about not finding 19yr old Brad Pitt in dirty jeans hot. Aesthetically pleasing, yes, but hot, no.
@Aloria Yeah, I got an OKC dumbass just today (again), pretending he'd read my profile and rambling a lot about how he's ever so well-endowed but he wants a woman who will appreciate him for more than just his penis, and going on about how confident and sexual he is and wanting to know whether that tempted me. Sure man, that whole bit about my profile being so interesting really tricked me into thinking you read it. I got the slave request and the cat request ones too! So weird!
@swankivy You were wasting your time replying to that guy. You should have ignored him. That way, he'd be wondering what you were thinking and if he was wrong, which of course he was. But you should have kept him in the dark.
@sirtinycreep Disagree. I don't believe just ignoring someone is a good way to correct misconceptions. I think it's extremely unlikely that he'd wonder what I was thinking and possibly blame himself for poor conduct if I just ignored him. In my experience, people interpret silence to say whatever they want it to say, and it usually does not spontaneously accuse them of wrongdoing. Some poor beginnings end in understanding, so please don't presume to judge which conversations I should be having.
@ShihTzusShit I don't know if it's really a problem with an oversexed culture so much as it's a rather pervasive inability to empathize. . . . People really need to trust us to describe our own feelings. It really isn't that much to ask, but apparently some people just can't accept that it's best to let people find their own happiness and stop imposing conditions on their relationships. We don't need help unless we ask for it.
@ndoris Heh, well, I personally love kids, but I still don't intend to have any of my own. I don't see a reason to insult people who wants to have kids, or insult the kids themselves, or devalue the experience, but I simply expect them to respect me and my life choices just like I leave them to their pursuits and don't try to change them to make them like me. They don't get to decide what should be important to me.
@workescapist Yes, you can have sex without being attracted. Some people do. Your point is? Do I have an obligation to have sex no matter what I personally want? Is there an unwritten rule of society that says sex needs to be a part of my life regardless of whether I want it?
@swankivy sorry, i mispronounced my last comment, so you got it wrong. i for myself never had sex yet, ald i am 26. but that's not really the point. i am thinking about the reason for why that is the case. and that was the reason i watched your video. i thought you might have an answer for me. but of that i am not shure.
i have to agree to what he wrote about having kids is different from anything else you can leave behind to the world. because: books and other stuff does not reproduce like children will be able to do after coming to a certain age. and they can write even more books, or other stuff.
@workescapist I'm not arguing that having children isn't important or that it doesn't help you leave a legacy. I'm saying it's not up to him--or you--to tell me what I ought to be doing in my life, what my responsibility to the world is, and most of all, that our overpopulated planet "needs" me to make more children even if I personally do not want to do so. I'm arguing that I can still contribute to our world without having kids, and people like him need to get out of my business.
@swankivy I did not see that. I shall read the comments later. I, too, am asexual but found out what asexuality was not too long ago. Before I just thought I was messed up in the head.
@soylalegion Heh, there probably aren't too many trollish comments. I deleted the ones that told me to commit suicide or other violent suggestions. There were several dozen of those, and I really don't think they add to discussion if you know what I mean. (I take potshots at my dumb comments in my "Asexual Bingo" video if you want to see the kinds of things people say, though.) I'm glad you found out you weren't messed up in the head! :) (Hard to realize in today's society, though.)
@swankivy lol, i subbed to you. Not many people reply to their subbers , thats cool. Now my next goal is to find an asexual partner, or at least one that can live without sex, which will probably take another 20 years xP
@soylalegion I generally reply to everyone who has something intelligent to say, unless it's just kind of generic cheerleading or generic rudeness. As for finding a partner, I've heard it's tough for romantic asexuals (so I'm glad I'm aromantic), but there are lots of ways to handle those relationships, and it's possible you might find an asexual partner. Ever looked online on AVEN or asexual-friendly dating sites to see if you can find like-minded people?
@swankivy I am in AVEN since about a week ago. But everyone seems so dispersed, and til now no one that I know of on AVEN lives close to me. Do your parents know? I have not told my father because he is expecting grandchildren from me and I don't want to disapoint him :/
@soylalegion It can be hard to find locals--I went to an asexual meetup yesterday and even though the meeting was open to all Florida asexuals only three people came. People who both know they're asexual and actually want to connect with others are rare. :( Yes, my parents know--pretty much everyone knows, though, because I'm very high profile. I've been in magazines, radio interviews, and a movie (documentary) on the subject and have published articles; for me it's not a secret at all. ;)
@swankivy :O I did not even know there was a documentary! And well, I live in Mass and the closest person that I know of lives in Boston, which is far lol.
@soylalegion It actually only came out in like June of this year and it's still being shown on the big screen where it can (it's indie, so film festivals and stuff), but there will be a DVD eventually! It's pretty good--it's called (A)sexual, directed by Angela Tucker. An asexual dating site is Asexualitic. A dating site for people who can't have sex or would rather not is 2Date4Love. Check them out online if you want!
@123123123cowmoo No problem, just become a nun, they're the Brides of Christ. (That's what he meant, of course, by the way . . . it's sad that so many people misunderstand asexuality or anything that has to do with not having sex as if it's a religious issue.)
@swankivy That was a joke. I understand what asexuality is and the difference between asexuality and celibacy (the later is because of "a religious issue").
@123123123cowmoo Yeah, I know you were joking. So was I. I was saying HE doesn't understand asexuality if he reacts to it by rattling off a bunch of reasons for it that have nothing to do with asexuality. Though actually it's not true that celibacy is "because of a religious issue," since there are plenty of people who are celibate but not for religious reasons. I think a lot of people associate those two things though, with good reason.
@swankivy You are correct, people choose celibacy for a variety of reasons, one of which is celibacy. I hope that he can become educated about asexuality.
@TheTundraTerror Yeah, anytime someone insists that asexuals need to get fixed because we aren't reproducing, I ask them whether their perverse desire to prevent procreation through condom use or medical birth control is on the same level of effed up that my asexuality supposedly is. You can't establish a double standard--that I'm screwed up for not wanting something because it leads to spawning, but you also stop yourself from spawning, on purpose. . . . That argument sucks.
@TheTundraTerror Yeah. I mean, if they want to argue that the urge to screw (regardless of whether it produces kids) is a super-important part of being human, that's a different (dumb) argument, but to hook it onto procreation just so they can invoke science and evolution and biology to back them up is a terrible strategy. Not to mention that in nature there are and have always been variants, including asexuality and homosexuality. Variants are NORMAL in nature. We're legitimate variants.
@TheTundraTerror Dude, yeah, I get that all the time. I'm confused as to why *I* need to seek help if it's only other people who are unhappy with the idea. I'm not asking THEM to not have sex, and I'm not asking THEM to stop being attracted to people. So, in a situation that is 100% about MY life and the experiences I want to have in it, what does someone gain by trying to shame me into accepting that I can't possibly be normal or healthy. I ask you.
@TheTundraTerror And I think there's some semblance of guilt going on too. I hate when people suggest that asexuals believe themselves "above" other people (you know, because celibacy is upheld as a virtue even though virginity is also mocked as if it makes you a failure as a human being), but to believe abstaining from sex makes us think we're better than them, they must think there's something shameful about sex to begin with. Maybe we just make some of them feel bad?
@TheTundraTerror LOL. Let's just make a bunch of stupid rules by which we can judge each other, and then go home convinced that only we are the ones deserving of respect or acknowledgment. They want to judge me? Gee, I hope they enjoy themselves.
@TheTundraTerror HAHAHAHA . . . what?? Well, as we all know, he, as a person who is not affected by the line-drawing, gets to decide where the line is, and . . . do what? Go for it, dude. Draw that line. Then be smug about it, thinking yourself intellectually superior and rational as you deny the experience of hundreds of thousands of people. Let's "draw a line" on the subject of who we'll respect. On the subject of THEIR OWN SEX LIVES, or lack thereof. Equal respect--tch, not for SOME people!
@TheTundraTerror That's okay, I wasn't planning on going after him or anything. ;) Bullshit like this is rarely worth seeking out, though I whip it soundly and send it to bed if it comes into MY box. I was just curious what context it was in and who was being subjected to it.
@TheTundraTerror Whoa. Just out of curiosity, since you gave me his name, I went to see what his YouTube channel looked like. Nothing interesting, except that one of the very few channel commenters is a person who once commented on one of MY videos and requested a song, which I later fulfilled and sang on YouTube. Small world!
@greenghost2008 Depends who you talk to. Just like there are gay people who can stomach (or even enjoy) having straight sex, for whatever reasons they have . . . there are asexuals who have sex for their own reasons. I personally don't feel that I'd want to do it, and think it's about as "gross" as most people who aren't gay think having gay sex would be, but not everyone who isn't sexually attracted to people therefore thinks sex is gross.
shitloads of comments, like you are obsessed w/ sex, a true asexual would not even watch this video, i think a part of being asexual is not thinking about being asexual. plus this shit is more social than you would like to think it is.
@pauldotp Asexuality means not experiencing sexual attraction. Other than that, asexual people are just like anyone else. It's sad that you've jumped to the conclusion that discussing asexuality and sexuality equals "obsession with sex," and it's laughable that you think you get to judge what "a true asexual" is when you don't know the definition yourself. What "shit" is more social than I apparently think it is? I'm a very social person, and that's not inconsistent with being asexual either.
I'm not asexual, but the nutjob who wrote that letter talking about sexual activity and reproduction is not aware of the very real and alarming issue the world faces today and is going to increasingly face in the future-over population. Many countries/states can't meet the demands of their population in terms of the production of food, nor can they afford to import it. How is this clown then discussing even more additions to the world population?
@DarkReapersGrim I agree. You don't have to be asexual to not want to have kids, either--and the difficulty we have even supporting the people who are here now kind of suggests that people who voluntarily DON'T want to reproduce shouldn't be shamed and pushed into it, right? Reproduction is a valuable thing both personally and globally, but there's no need to insist that people who are not so inclined HAVE to join in or be condescended to. Thanks for your support.
Thank you so much for this series. I am childfree and an aromantic asexual, came out about six months ago and still trying to sort things out . I am a visual person (deaf) and so thanks a BUNCH for the captions too. Much Love to you!
@failuretoupload I'm glad you like. It's terrible how people are always judging us for not wanting to reproduce--as if we must be failures as people if we don't want what they want. I don't know why it's so offensive or threatening to them that some people don't decide to make having children part of their lives, but people often attack what they don't understand. Glad the captions helped, also! I hand-caption all my videos.
well it differs from males to females about masturbation...asexual males must masturbate for 2 reasons 1. the curse of blue balls, and if a male masturbates once a day his chances of prostate cancer goes down by 45%. But considering that we were all meant to be heterosexuals at birth and choose otherwise is irrelevant...we have to masturbate to keep our bodies running as if we were heterosexuals cause we can mentally choose to be asexual, but our bodies can't do that so easily =)
@MrULTIMATEOMEGA I don't think you can quote me any study that says cancer risks go down because of masturbation. The only study I've seen is that extra testosterone is linked to HIGHER rates of cancer. Don't make stuff up to try to tell other people heterosexuality is the only valid orientation and everyone else is just "mentally choosing." You are aware that animals that have no sentience nevertheless also exhibit homosexual behavior in the wild? Over 1500 species of them?
I have a question. Do you completely lack any sexual drive? or is it just a sexual attraction to other peoples? like do you masturbate? or are you completely abstinent?
@JTomps30 Me personally, I don't notice any sex drive on my part, and I'm not interested in masturbation, but some asexuals report feeling otherwise. You're right to think that the definitive factor of asexuality is lack of attraction, though.
Well... i gotta say... it sounds dumb to me because it doesnt make any sense to me... but i wont ever be able to understand either, but im also kind of intrigued....
i also dont believe in gay or straight, its not black or white, its all shades of grey...
is what your telling me your never attracted to anyone ever... in any way?
@TruckTheTroll It's true, sexuality's a continuum . . . it's just that many people (I'd say most) find that their sexual orientation follows a predictable pattern. If you're a guy and you've never been attracted to another guy sexually and the idea seems really bizarre to you, you're probably straight. Me, I've never been interested in anyone that way so I'm probably asexual, and the label makes sense, but I didn't take a vow or anything. If my feelings change, so will my label. Understand?
@swankivy I cant say im straight at all... im also not gay... or bi (in the traditional definition anyway)... to me manliness is gross, femininity is attractive, thats it, regardless of gender.
Its hard for me to understand not being attracted to anyone. I can be attracted to almost anything if it catches me the right way.
Its all unattractive to you the way manliness is to me?
@TruckTheTroll Don't worry, I wasn't saying YOU were straight in my reply. It's an example, illustrating that most men who are attracted to women and only women use the term "straight." It makes perfect sense to not restrict yourself to a label if femininity, not necessarily "women," is what attracts you. Sounds like a great way to see things. So yes, no one has been attractive to me the way femininity is to you; similarly, I can accept but not personally relate to you being attracted to others.
@TruckTheTroll Yupper! Some asexuals like to be in romances, though. So there are other kinds of attraction that make people want to group up/couple up . . . I don't happen to be one of those people who gets interested in romances, but to each his own.
@Tylerd172 Uh, asexuals can have kids. Not being sexually attracted to people doesn't mean you might not want to have a family. I don't personally want to have kids and that was what the argument was about, but that's not a "rule" for asexuals or something.
Why wouldn't asexuals have kids? Sex is obviously not the only way to continue generation so where is there trouble? They might be just like any other people who want to continue living forever through their children and grandchildren instead of passing away without leaving any mark. A kid is not someone who asks sex from you, moreover it's nice to come home knowing that there's someone you care about, someone who will huggle you and cheer you up, someone reminding of yourself and one you love.
This probably wont be read but I'll comment anyways... I don't really get why people worry so much about others it is your choice, I am straight and I enjoy that, but I feel like I am sometimes the only person on this planet that thinks people should do what makes them happy with their life, I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, trans, asexual, whatever it may be, it's your life, live it how you want.
@Impeccableflaw Probably won't be read? Why not? You're commenting on the content of the video and giving a serious and respectful framing of your thoughts, right? I don't know why other people are so much more interested in my sex life than I am either, but yeah, apparently they are! (Go fig!) I also don't get why some people think asexuals are against other people having sex. It's all about choice and freedom. Thank you for the props.
@swankivy not used to people seeming to care about my opinion, but it's nice to know it is valued somewhere. I see that too though, people thinking just because something is someone personal choice that they are bashing everything else, it seems like people give other people a hard time for just trying to be happy with themselves.
@Impeccableflaw Aw! Well that sucks. Well, I like to hear from people who have something worthwhile to say, and I'd say your thoughts are refreshing. Especially since occasionally I hear from people who just seem so threatened by the idea of someone who isn't attracted to other people sexually, so they've got to attack me and try to make me believe I'm broken. And if they get me to believe that, they win what? What do they think they'll get if they try to take *me* away from me? It's sad.
@swankivy Well I can assure you that you are not broken, and you actually seem like a very smart person to see that you aren't because I am sure there are people out there (I haven't really done much research on asexuality) who feel the same as you, but are convinced there is something wrong with them and are trying to fix themselves to fit the preference of everyone around them.
@Impeccableflaw Thanks, that's awesome. Thing is, I happened to have a supportive family and a thick skin, but not everyone does, so when I first started talking about asexuality in the late 1990s online, people sent me mail like "OMG thank you for saying this I thought I was the only one!" and I realized more people needed to be told not being sexual isn't necessarily being sick (though there are illnesses that have that as a symptom; I'm aware of that).
@Impeccableflaw But in the early 2000s David Jay started the Asexual Visibility and Education Network and a much bigger audience started to congregate there, so now he's done a lot more than I have with this whole awareness thing. It's good to have a community, but the orientation's preeeetty rare. I'm glad there's a place for them to turn.
@Impeccableflaw also, slightly off topic, but meh, To the guy who wrote you that letter, having kids is just as pointless, to pass on your gene pool for the next how long? hundred? Thousand? Million, hell I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say Billion, in the end it is all pointless because most people seem to think it will all last forever but nope, the universe can only support life for so long before it all goes black :D So if you look at it that way it;s all pointless.
@Impeccableflaw Honestly, as far as having kids goes I'm totally on board with people considering it a life goal. I don't tell them not to chase what they want to do. I just think it's really stupid for people to tell me what I need to do with mine. And why do they care so much? Suddenly if I'm not breeding or screwing people are SO interested in my WELL-BEING, but somehow they don't seem to care about my nutrition if I say I eat 3 popsicles a day, but if it's sex-related, I get psychoanalyzed.
@swankivy Sorry the reply took me so long, But I understand what you mean, I have always had this disposition to stand up for peoples right to be themselves, without being judged because it's different, and along the lines of what you said, things that aren't okay are accepted as though they are and things that are of no harm to anybody are portrayed as unhealthy and wrong.
@Impeccableflaw I don't mind if you don't reply immediately. This isn't a realtime conversation and I had no delusion that I had your undivided attention. :) YouTube comments keep. I once got a reply from someone more than two years later, though sadly it was a jerk. And yeah, I think it's just about insecurity--it's only sad, angry little people who aren't comfortable with themselves who have to attack other people and try to make their lives worse over differences which hurt no one.
@swankivy Yeah I just now realized how long this video has been up haha, and in some sense I feel bad for the people like that because you can just tell how far the conformity has gone in their life and that's why they are how they are, taught to ostracize anything that is different than what is considered the norm. You'd think as they got older and grew up as people they would have learned independence and be able to see what they do is wrong, but they really think it is right. It's sad.
@hazahaxa Ah, well for me anyway, it means I don't follow a certain tradition, I don't believe in conscious deities or divine creation of the world, and I don't like to attend a group for my celebrations (solitary is very common for Pagans, but some like to be in a coven or other group). Mostly what I practice as far as Paganism is just folk traditions and kinda having reverence for nature, but for all intents and purposes I'd be an atheist.
@swankivy Wow, swift reply! So you basically follow their culture except for their religious beliefs? Seems like that would be a big part of it to me, hehe. I can respect that though. From what I understand - although this may stem from watching too many show like Buffy the Vampire Slayer - that would involve witchcraft type things. If that is the case, do you practice that sort of thing?
@hazahaxa LOL. Well, I type pretty fast. (Was once recorded over 140 wpm!) These boxes only hold 500 characters so it's easy to send a short and sweet response. I wouldn't say I follow their culture. I'm interested in old folk traditions and symbolism, and I think elemental studies are really neat. I like mythology and examples of the "enchanted" in everyday life, but no, it's not religious to me to be interested in those things. Most Pagans practice differently, I'd say.
@swankivy I think all this is a bit far out from my area of expertise lol. Can't say I say know much about elemental studies or mythology.
Anyways, while your here, sorry about filling up the comments with unrelated stuff btw just very curious, what's this thing about hating eating onions accidentally? You only like them when you are forewarned of their presence?
@hazahaxa Well, mythology's just neat (and it's a good background to have if you write speculative fiction). Elemental studies are just kinda about symbolism attached to fire/water/earth/air, but obviously it's not something scientific--it's just interesting. (I have a personality test I got from a book which is surprisingly accurate but based on elements; if you talk to me on OKC we can chat more about it.) As for onions, I hate/avoid them, but sometimes they sneak into my food and it's gross.
@swankivy Haha, I'm totally imagining sentient onions creeping into your food when you not paying attention now! Anyways, it 2am here so I need to sleep now. You seem like a very awesome person, (especially after rifling through your profile and discovering you're a Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog fan which is only the best thing ever), and I wish you well in all your dreams and endeavors!
@hazahaxa LOL aww. Thanks for the nice conversation! (Yes, totally a Dr. Horrible fan! One of my OKC photos has me wearing the shirt, and I have performed a song from the musical before!) Enjoy your snooze.
Ya know, I really look up to you. Honest, no sarcasm. You are so comfortable with just living and not dealing with the things society deems "pleasurable". Also, your extensive vocabulary and sentence structure is awesome!
@TheVioletsaga Why would you look up to her for being herself. To disambiguate, "not dealing" with things is what society does best. This is why she obviously made these videos.
OK Call me ignorant, but sex is the best feeling most intimate activity I engage in. And people I know get Horny if they don't relieve them selves. So I'm wondering do you have some sort of physical difference or deficiency, like males that have less libido, sperm count and testosterone because of chemicals or such.
Sexual attraction is a physical urge like hunger and you don't feel that, right?
@blebby I'm not sure why not being like you should be considered "a deficiency." Don't worry, I'm not trying to take it away from you or suggest that I'm better. I'm just okay with being the way I am and I don't see a purpose behind other people needing me to change. What is it to them?
No test I've ever taken, medically, has suggested I have a physical problem or anything that needs to be medicated. Hope that answers your question.
I'm sorry but it think that it is a deficiency. I'm not against asexuals. It is your good right, but all animals are built to reproduce. So not having a sex drive is a deficiency, imo. If you would counteract this opinion I kinda would even like it because I don't like the fact that I think this way.
@InsaneIs4EverMe Sure, in general of course animals are "built to reproduce." But you do know that there are several hundred species besides humans that exhibit homosexual behavior, right? It's a variant. On a spectrum. Sometimes people and animals do things that are about feeling good and not about reproduction, just 'cause there's more at work than just the urge to propogate. I think it's a good thing if not all members of every species must reproduce in order to be useful in some other way.
im not sure about this, seems illogical to me, especialy on the sex part. If you feel good while having sex, why would you want to not get sex, just because you're not attracted to a gender ? Simply put, if it feels good then you want more. If it doesn't feels good, then it might be a problem, not asexuality. It ain't a choice, brain control the pleasure, if you get no pleasure then it is a dysfunction. You cannot "choice" to not get pleasure.
Asexuality is the lack of attration, not lack of sex
@wwoteloww Don't worry, you're right that asexuality means a lack of attraction. And that's why most asexuals won't be pursuing sex. (Think how most straight guys feel about pursuing sex with other guys, to whom they're not attracted: would getting a blowjob from the gay guy feel good? Probably, but it's not like he's going to try.) Some asexuals who have a sex drive masturbate, just to feel good, but that doesn't make them sexual. If it was, masturbation would be enough for sexual people too.
@swankivy I'm straigh, having sex with another man would be very awkward indeed. But sex is sex, if earth had no women, or if I was sentenced to life in prison, i'd prefer having awkward sex for 2-3 times then getting used to it for personnal pleasure/gain than not having sex at all, it's all about being open minded at this point. Can't you do the same ?
Also, can you love someone ? If that person you love cheat on you, will it hurt you ? Have you ever masturbated ?(Dont have to answer that >.>)
@wwoteloww Exactly: YOU'D prefer that. I wouldn't, even though I guess I'd have a pretty good population to pick from as I'm not in prison or living post-apocalypse. I don't understand "can't you do the same?" I'd ask "is it that hard to imagine someone just doesn't want to and they're different from most people?" but evidently it IS.
I've not met anyone I want a romantic relationship with. Last time I dated, I encouraged him to "cheat" because that stopped him pressuring me for sex.
@wwoteloww I was fine with it, but he was hoping I would be jealous and act like a real girlfriend, when the whole relationship thing was his idea in the first place and I'd just been hoping to help him. (Sue me; I was a teenager, and I thought I could save people. He had problems.) As for "love," though, I love on plenty of levels--just doesn't cause me to want sex or to declare exclusivity. Masturbation doesn't appeal to me, but some other asexuals like it.
Obviously since you're asexual, you're not going to legitimately bare a child, but do you think that will eventually possibly find a sperm donor and have a child? You never explored this subject and sounds as though you've completely dismissed procreating just because you're asexual. Asexuality and not wanting kids are two different things.
@WTurner859 Oh, believe me, this is a matter of some interest to the asexual community! Of course "asexuality" and "childfree" aren't synonyms. (Frankly, you don't have to splain this stuff to me. Clearly I've kinda done my research. Heh.)
As for me, no, I don't want to have kids, though sometimes I think about it 'cause kids are great. Please don't tell me I've "completely dismissed" things as if that means I haven't thought about them. You know I'm a grown-up, right?
@swankivy No, please don't misunderstand. I was in now way trying to tell you what have or haven't done. I should have clarified that I'm just going off of this one video and just by watching this single video that was the vibe I got. Nor I was I trying to explain anything to you. I should have been more clear. I apologize. I was just asking an honest question.
P.S. You actually seem to be an intelligent person and that's quite frankly a breath of fresh air for me here on the internet.
@WTurner859 That's cool of you to say and thanks for the clarification. Do keep in mind though that I can't possibly explain my whole position on a complicated issue in one video that's not devoted to that subject. (And as you might've noticed I'm wordy, so sometimes it takes two!) As for your honest question, hope I answered it! Regarding my intelligent breath (ha), maybe you're just kind of hanging out in some stupid places.
No, the video's not sped up. At the time YouTube set ten-minute limits for videos, so I just talked fast after doing a couple trials and running significantly over the limit. (Frustrating!) I can talk and sing really fast, so I put it to an actual practical use for once.
@Adrenailine Nope, I haven't. What I've done that qualifies as sexual wasn't fun, though. I don't feel like I have to prove it, but at the time I thought "if I at least COMPROMISE a little and 'try it before you decide you don't like it' maybe he'll get off my back." He didn't. That's how it works; try it and don't like it, and they'll just say you did it wrong, so I'll trust myself to be able to tell if I feel that attraction. Straight people don't have to try gay to prove they're straight. :)
@swankivy Thanks for the reply :) - Ah, so its just the lack of desire. Thats cool. On that note about everything working as it should, could there be a case for an asexual, where instead of responding to a sexual desire per se, there's a response/desire for pleasure and the associated endorphins?
@stinkychesse It's not "lack of desire"--it's lack of sexual attraction. That's the defining characteristic of an asexual, though there are some asexuals who have a libido and some who don't (I don't have a sex drive that I notice, for instance). Definitely some asexuals masturbate. Some can even have sex, and can enjoy sex, but it isn't something that really occurs to them to want to introduce into their relationships, if they have romances.
Here's a valid question: Why do you value arguing on the internet so highly and take it so seriously when no one listens or cares dearly enough to make it anywhere near a good use of time.
your responses took effort... damn...
also, why don't you try finding friendships the normal way, why do you segregate yourself from society?
@jadenjak I value arguing on the Internet? I have conversations, like most people. When I think they can be useful in illustrating a point, that's what I use them for. When they don't go sour--which is most of the time--they don't turn into a YouTube video about jerks. I'm not sure what conclusion you've come to about how I find friendships or why you think I'm "segregated from society," but I have an ordinary social life that's been formed pretty much the usual way.
@jadenjak Did you watch the video? I explained that OKCupid, while geared mainly toward dating, has EXPLICITLY NON-DATING CATEGORIES which are all I've signed up for. It's very good for matching similar people with each other for the purposes you pick, and I picked only the friendship ones. As a result, since 2005 I've met over fifty people and none of them expected to date or have sex with me. NONE. It's . . . gasp . . . WORKING. Any more arguments why I shouldn't use it?
@jadenjak I don't see an assumption. You asked me to justify joining a dating site, and I explained to you that OKCupid is not exclusively a dating site. I don't have any responses planned in my head. If you're having trouble communicating, that isn't my fault. Point out the "assumption" I made about your "intention," because as I see it, you asked me a question and I answered it.
@swankivy I referenced you intention of joining the site to make friends, but you interpreted it as assuming my reference in making the assumption that i was misinterpreting your intentions.
@jadenjak You're still not making any sense. The site has friends categories; therefore I did not join it in error. I said exactly that in the video that you're commenting on. There are also explicitly sexual NON-dating categories on OKC, but no one complains about them. I'm not assuming when I say you stated, explicitly, that I joined the site for a reason I should not have, which isn't true. Your communication includes misspellings and poor sentence construction. It's not "fine." I'm done.
can an asexual still have a feeling of attraction or even preform masturbation while still keeping there title as asexual as long as it isnt towards the same specie or an entity (in this case humans) or does it not include things outside of our own species or inanimate object? also have you yourself or anyone else have a sexual attraction to nothing? sorry if these questions sound a little funky but this is something very new and interesting.
@Kalabosbeandip658 Some asexuals masturbate, but I'm not in charge of handing out titles. ::laughs:: Glad you think it's interesting, though. There's plenty of info on the subject out there.
@snicp Did you watch the video you're commenting on, actually?
OKCupid is primarily set up for dating, yep. Which is why while using it, I make it clear that I'm not using it for that. It DOES HAVE platonic meeting categories and those are the categories I am using. I'm not vague about this at all. And I meet friends through it REGULARLY--have for five years, so it is working for me. But some asexuals do date, actually. So they might use it for romance.
One question (don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to imply anything):
Have you ever tried sex?
I mean there are a lot of things I don't do, that have made people question and judge me, simply because I've tried them and didn't like them (such as drinking and rollercoasters).
I was just wondering if you've given it a try before deciding you don't want it.
@Noise509 Don't take this the wrong way, but do most straight people have to have gay sex to prove they're not attracted to the same sex?
Asexuality means you're not sexually attracted to anyone. I've never been interested in having sex with anyone I met, just like straight people aren't interested in having sex with those of their own sex, so they have no inclination to try it. I've not slept with anyone because of that, but haven't enjoyed kissing or petting that I was talked into either.
@Noise509 Incidentally, when someone says they're asexual they're not saying "I decided I didn't want sex." They really are saying "I don't experience attraction toward anyone in a sexual way." Those are different things--it's not like an oath of celibacy. (Incidentally, I don't care for drinking, though I have tried it and I just plain don't like how it makes me feel. I get judged for that a lot too, "bwahaha you don't know how to have fun." Guess they'll think what they want!)
personally, ive never even thought about asexuality. didnt realize anyone simply was not attracted to anyone sexually. yet even i recognize the complete ignorance and stupidity in the responses people have given you that you listed.
@benlucky666 That's cool. It's interesting that it doesn't have to apply to you personally or be relevant to YOUR life for you to accept that there are people who aren't like you. Props.
It's not about what I "like" you have missed the point. It's about the bonding of two people that sex can offer. It's not just "likable" it's be deeply spiritual too. I can't help that It fills my hart with sorrow to know that it is something you will never know. I would not have even said anything but I cared for you. You call it pity but it's genuine concern. It doesn't matter if the bonding is gay or straight as long as the bond is there. A sex will never get you that. I will say no more.
am i asexual? i always reject sex requests, nor i feel love when im kissing boys. ive also kissed girls,just as gross. idk, im only 13 and its common to be "confused" at this age . boys make me sick.so im not that straight. but girls i feel nothing.so im not gay. even if i was boy crazy, id have a hard time attracting guys. eh i hope asexualality gets known more...
moonharpz321 5 days ago
@moonharpz321 Well, other people can't tell you whether you're asexual or not, and you are pretty young, but what's important right now is that you understand you're not broken if you don't develop interest in sex or find people sexually appealing. You might change in the future, but as long as you know you don't "have to," you'll be okay. I hope asexuality gets known more too.
swankivy 1 day ago
I love you in a completely platonic way. You're such a brave and intelligent woman! I love your videos c:
PokeEXE 3 weeks ago
@PokeEXE Thank you, I appreciate the compliment and your continued watching. :)
swankivy 3 weeks ago
It's unfortunate...... that you wasted all that precious time arguing with an over-sexed belligerent ignoramus. Believe me the world is chocked full of these types. I believe it is why the world is in the state it is today.
Anyway I love your video; keep on keepin' on !
Tootles :)
DracoAquarian1 1 month ago
@DracoAquarian1 Eh, I don't really consider it a waste if I can later use the conversation to be instructive or inspiring for others. If I can't get through to the person I'm talking to, they can become a bad example. :) Yes, I'm aware how chock full of oversexed ignoramuses the world is . . . I run into them regularly as they question me on how I can possibly expect to be happy if I don't pursue happiness in the same ways they do. Clearly ever so enlightened, no?
swankivy 1 month ago
Also, 49 people think asexuals are people who like ass sex.
eggiex1 1 month ago
Being asexual should be a prerequisite to holding elected office. Too many people in congress think with their dicks. On that note, atheism should also be a prerequisite. Too many of those vagina-starved congressmen think with their bibles when their penis is momentarily not throbbing.
eggiex1 1 month ago
@eggiex1 Eh, I disagree here. I do think people who are in charge of the government shouldn't be making bad decisions in general, no matter what temptations or proclivities inspire them to do so, but I feel like actually saying only asexual people can be elected suggests that sexual people just plain can't be expected to control themselves (even if electing only asexuals were possible). It'd be setting an example that it's expected/accepted to behave inappropriately if you're sexual.
swankivy 1 month ago
You are such a brave lady to raise awareness for asexuality, especially when people can be so narrow-minded.
TheJoeySheehan 1 month ago
GAH! I wish I could be asexual
GuitarFisherman2112 2 months ago
Doesn't look like you wear make up. Is it because you don't want to give men the impression you're trying to attract them?
sirtinycreep 2 months ago
@sirtinycreep No, not really. I don't believe that wanting to be attractive in a normative fashion suggests that I must be doing it to attract men, so whether I wear makeup is kinda irrelevant. I mainly don't wear makeup if I don't like how it looks, though sometimes I like glitter or lip gloss and, on a special occasion, mascara. In everyday situations I am much more likely to dress up my hair or wear jewelry than to wear makeup.
swankivy 2 months ago
Some people don't believe we exist? Haha, my fellow asexys, we are unicorns! :D
Btw, impressive video! I could tell by your narrative voice that you were an author. I am also a (young) author. Keep on your art!
mcrorfob 2 months ago 7
@mcrorfob Yeah, we're mythical beasts. Rawr.
Glad you liked the video. Due to time constraints I could only showcase the most relevant parts of the conversation, but I do tend to try to offer extended metaphors and comparative situations that help people grasp my message. I enjoy language. I'm going to be submitting my latest book to agents starting this month.
swankivy 2 months ago
I call the place OkStupid for a reason. This would be one of them. Dudes send me some weird crap ALL THE TIME! They're so irritating when they make it obvious that they saw I have boobs and sent me a note trying to get in my pants.
(or they send me some serious weird crap asking if I want a slave, or if they can pet my cat...)
Thanks for posting this, though. It's a laugh and makes me feel better about not finding 19yr old Brad Pitt in dirty jeans hot. Aesthetically pleasing, yes, but hot, no.
Aloria 2 months ago
@Aloria Yeah, I got an OKC dumbass just today (again), pretending he'd read my profile and rambling a lot about how he's ever so well-endowed but he wants a woman who will appreciate him for more than just his penis, and going on about how confident and sexual he is and wanting to know whether that tempted me. Sure man, that whole bit about my profile being so interesting really tricked me into thinking you read it. I got the slave request and the cat request ones too! So weird!
swankivy 2 months ago
@swankivy You were wasting your time replying to that guy. You should have ignored him. That way, he'd be wondering what you were thinking and if he was wrong, which of course he was. But you should have kept him in the dark.
sirtinycreep 2 months ago
@sirtinycreep Disagree. I don't believe just ignoring someone is a good way to correct misconceptions. I think it's extremely unlikely that he'd wonder what I was thinking and possibly blame himself for poor conduct if I just ignored him. In my experience, people interpret silence to say whatever they want it to say, and it usually does not spontaneously accuse them of wrongdoing. Some poor beginnings end in understanding, so please don't presume to judge which conversations I should be having.
swankivy 2 months ago
@swankivy I think this one is still my favorite: "you look kind of like that one girl from this show i saw who i liked the other one from."
Aloria 2 months ago
This series is awesome.
Duriretlan 3 months ago
@Duriretlan Thanks. ^____^
swankivy 3 months ago
some people just don't believe asexuality exists. Maybe it's our oversexed culture nowadays...
I mean, my own mother still thinks I'm a closet lesbian. She doesn't believe me.
ShihTzusShit 3 months ago 6
@ShihTzusShit I don't know if it's really a problem with an oversexed culture so much as it's a rather pervasive inability to empathize. . . . People really need to trust us to describe our own feelings. It really isn't that much to ask, but apparently some people just can't accept that it's best to let people find their own happiness and stop imposing conditions on their relationships. We don't need help unless we ask for it.
swankivy 3 months ago
What? You don’t want to have children? But the single most important act in the life of a woman is to have children… or so they tell me. :P
I’m a practical asexual and every time they tell me that I’m like “What? Are you serious? I hate those annoying little noisy critters!
I’m enjoying your videos. It’s an interesting view on sexuality that, despite me being asexual, I haven’t given it too much importance or attention.
ndoris 3 months ago
@ndoris Heh, well, I personally love kids, but I still don't intend to have any of my own. I don't see a reason to insult people who wants to have kids, or insult the kids themselves, or devalue the experience, but I simply expect them to respect me and my life choices just like I leave them to their pursuits and don't try to change them to make them like me. They don't get to decide what should be important to me.
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy
Asexuals can still adopt right?
Thechosendude509 6 days ago
@Thechosendude509 . . . Of course asexuals can adopt. Most people can adopt, though I hear two-parent homes are more likely to get approved.
swankivy 6 days ago
i believe: you can have sex without beeing atracted,
and
you can not have sex, eventhough you are atracted by someone else.
or at least prevent getting pregnant.
workescapist 3 months ago
@workescapist Yes, you can have sex without being attracted. Some people do. Your point is? Do I have an obligation to have sex no matter what I personally want? Is there an unwritten rule of society that says sex needs to be a part of my life regardless of whether I want it?
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy sorry, i mispronounced my last comment, so you got it wrong. i for myself never had sex yet, ald i am 26. but that's not really the point. i am thinking about the reason for why that is the case. and that was the reason i watched your video. i thought you might have an answer for me. but of that i am not shure.
workescapist 3 months ago
@workescapist What kind of "answer" are you looking for? It's hard to answer if I don't know what the question is.
swankivy 3 months ago
i have to agree to what he wrote about having kids is different from anything else you can leave behind to the world. because: books and other stuff does not reproduce like children will be able to do after coming to a certain age. and they can write even more books, or other stuff.
workescapist 3 months ago
@workescapist I'm not arguing that having children isn't important or that it doesn't help you leave a legacy. I'm saying it's not up to him--or you--to tell me what I ought to be doing in my life, what my responsibility to the world is, and most of all, that our overpopulated planet "needs" me to make more children even if I personally do not want to do so. I'm arguing that I can still contribute to our world without having kids, and people like him need to get out of my business.
swankivy 3 months ago
48 people are bigots.
soylalegion 4 months ago
@soylalegion 48 people were probably part of the organized daily trolling that went on for like two weeks once.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I did not see that. I shall read the comments later. I, too, am asexual but found out what asexuality was not too long ago. Before I just thought I was messed up in the head.
soylalegion 4 months ago
@soylalegion Heh, there probably aren't too many trollish comments. I deleted the ones that told me to commit suicide or other violent suggestions. There were several dozen of those, and I really don't think they add to discussion if you know what I mean. (I take potshots at my dumb comments in my "Asexual Bingo" video if you want to see the kinds of things people say, though.) I'm glad you found out you weren't messed up in the head! :) (Hard to realize in today's society, though.)
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy lol, i subbed to you. Not many people reply to their subbers , thats cool. Now my next goal is to find an asexual partner, or at least one that can live without sex, which will probably take another 20 years xP
soylalegion 4 months ago
@soylalegion I generally reply to everyone who has something intelligent to say, unless it's just kind of generic cheerleading or generic rudeness. As for finding a partner, I've heard it's tough for romantic asexuals (so I'm glad I'm aromantic), but there are lots of ways to handle those relationships, and it's possible you might find an asexual partner. Ever looked online on AVEN or asexual-friendly dating sites to see if you can find like-minded people?
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I am in AVEN since about a week ago. But everyone seems so dispersed, and til now no one that I know of on AVEN lives close to me. Do your parents know? I have not told my father because he is expecting grandchildren from me and I don't want to disapoint him :/
soylalegion 4 months ago
@soylalegion It can be hard to find locals--I went to an asexual meetup yesterday and even though the meeting was open to all Florida asexuals only three people came. People who both know they're asexual and actually want to connect with others are rare. :( Yes, my parents know--pretty much everyone knows, though, because I'm very high profile. I've been in magazines, radio interviews, and a movie (documentary) on the subject and have published articles; for me it's not a secret at all. ;)
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy :O I did not even know there was a documentary! And well, I live in Mass and the closest person that I know of lives in Boston, which is far lol.
soylalegion 4 months ago
@soylalegion It actually only came out in like June of this year and it's still being shown on the big screen where it can (it's indie, so film festivals and stuff), but there will be a DVD eventually! It's pretty good--it's called (A)sexual, directed by Angela Tucker. An asexual dating site is Asexualitic. A dating site for people who can't have sex or would rather not is 2Date4Love. Check them out online if you want!
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I shall. Thanks :D
soylalegion 4 months ago
Even though I'm not asexual. I don't want to have a family or kids, I just want to be a scientist my whole life.
007MrYang 4 months ago
@007MrYang Right. We chase what we're passionate about, and nobody has the right to tell us what should be important to us.
swankivy 4 months ago
BWAHAHAHA i almost feel sorry for that guy. ALMOST!!! tehehe
mystiquesword 4 months ago
You write extremely well!!! I wish I could express my thoughts on paper like that. :)
Zyyglo 5 months ago
@Zyyglo Thanks. I do want to make a career out of writing if possible so I'm glad you think I'm good at it. :)
swankivy 5 months ago
wow. can we go out?
benforshay 5 months ago
@benforshay Hey, why not? I feel like rolling in the hay with a random person! How about you?
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy like a moldy peaches song..jus no sex yeh?
benforshay 5 months ago
@benforshay In all seriousness, I don't date either, but I like friends. And fun. And peaches, but not moldy ones.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy [theyre a band] youre videos are cool, dark - you should sing a fleetwood mac song
benforshay 5 months ago
@benforshay Nah, I got it, I was making a joke. :/
Fleetwood Mac, huh . . . I love Fleetwood Mac. I like to sing. :)
swankivy 5 months ago
I kinda want to marry Jesus.
123123123cowmoo 5 months ago
@123123123cowmoo No problem, just become a nun, they're the Brides of Christ. (That's what he meant, of course, by the way . . . it's sad that so many people misunderstand asexuality or anything that has to do with not having sex as if it's a religious issue.)
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy That was a joke. I understand what asexuality is and the difference between asexuality and celibacy (the later is because of "a religious issue").
123123123cowmoo 5 months ago
@123123123cowmoo Yeah, I know you were joking. So was I. I was saying HE doesn't understand asexuality if he reacts to it by rattling off a bunch of reasons for it that have nothing to do with asexuality. Though actually it's not true that celibacy is "because of a religious issue," since there are plenty of people who are celibate but not for religious reasons. I think a lot of people associate those two things though, with good reason.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy You are correct, people choose celibacy for a variety of reasons, one of which is celibacy. I hope that he can become educated about asexuality.
123123123cowmoo 5 months ago
I just had someone tell me asexuals should "seek help".
Their argument was the "spread your seed" bullshit that's responsible for the overpopulation.
Even as a pansexual I found that argument retarded.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror Yeah, anytime someone insists that asexuals need to get fixed because we aren't reproducing, I ask them whether their perverse desire to prevent procreation through condom use or medical birth control is on the same level of effed up that my asexuality supposedly is. You can't establish a double standard--that I'm screwed up for not wanting something because it leads to spawning, but you also stop yourself from spawning, on purpose. . . . That argument sucks.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy They also seem to forget sterility. Or women who have had ovarian cancer.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror Yeah. I mean, if they want to argue that the urge to screw (regardless of whether it produces kids) is a super-important part of being human, that's a different (dumb) argument, but to hook it onto procreation just so they can invoke science and evolution and biology to back them up is a terrible strategy. Not to mention that in nature there are and have always been variants, including asexuality and homosexuality. Variants are NORMAL in nature. We're legitimate variants.
swankivy 5 months ago
I just had someone tell me asexuals should "seek help".
Srs.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror Dude, yeah, I get that all the time. I'm confused as to why *I* need to seek help if it's only other people who are unhappy with the idea. I'm not asking THEM to not have sex, and I'm not asking THEM to stop being attracted to people. So, in a situation that is 100% about MY life and the experiences I want to have in it, what does someone gain by trying to shame me into accepting that I can't possibly be normal or healthy. I ask you.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Self-righteousness.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror And I think there's some semblance of guilt going on too. I hate when people suggest that asexuals believe themselves "above" other people (you know, because celibacy is upheld as a virtue even though virginity is also mocked as if it makes you a failure as a human being), but to believe abstaining from sex makes us think we're better than them, they must think there's something shameful about sex to begin with. Maybe we just make some of them feel bad?
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Those people tend too be the ones that pride themselves on having sex. Sometimes a little too much.
And then there's the who "if you do this, your not a virgin. But if you do THIS, then you still are."
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror LOL. Let's just make a bunch of stupid rules by which we can judge each other, and then go home convinced that only we are the ones deserving of respect or acknowledgment. They want to judge me? Gee, I hope they enjoy themselves.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Oh, and you're going to love this. How could I forget this. He starts it off thus:
"Look, mate.... I understand that you're trying to champion equal respect for everyone and everything... But a line must be drawn here... "
Then he goes on to say all that other garbage I've already said.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror HAHAHAHA . . . what?? Well, as we all know, he, as a person who is not affected by the line-drawing, gets to decide where the line is, and . . . do what? Go for it, dude. Draw that line. Then be smug about it, thinking yourself intellectually superior and rational as you deny the experience of hundreds of thousands of people. Let's "draw a line" on the subject of who we'll respect. On the subject of THEIR OWN SEX LIVES, or lack thereof. Equal respect--tch, not for SOME people!
swankivy 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror Who is this moron and where is he farting these comments out?
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy
1) Undkor
2) It's in the comments on some game reviewer's video. I don't want to say which video it is, cause the video isn't important.
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror That's okay, I wasn't planning on going after him or anything. ;) Bullshit like this is rarely worth seeking out, though I whip it soundly and send it to bed if it comes into MY box. I was just curious what context it was in and who was being subjected to it.
swankivy 5 months ago
@TheTundraTerror Whoa. Just out of curiosity, since you gave me his name, I went to see what his YouTube channel looked like. Nothing interesting, except that one of the very few channel commenters is a person who once commented on one of MY videos and requested a song, which I later fulfilled and sang on YouTube. Small world!
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Small brain...
TheTundraTerror 5 months ago
sex must seem gross if you are asexual.
greenghost2008 5 months ago
@greenghost2008 Depends who you talk to. Just like there are gay people who can stomach (or even enjoy) having straight sex, for whatever reasons they have . . . there are asexuals who have sex for their own reasons. I personally don't feel that I'd want to do it, and think it's about as "gross" as most people who aren't gay think having gay sex would be, but not everyone who isn't sexually attracted to people therefore thinks sex is gross.
swankivy 5 months ago
Comment removed
SirJarred 6 months ago
@SirJarred This comment totally does not make sense.
swankivy 6 months ago
shitloads of comments, like you are obsessed w/ sex, a true asexual would not even watch this video, i think a part of being asexual is not thinking about being asexual. plus this shit is more social than you would like to think it is.
pauldotp 6 months ago
@pauldotp Asexuality means not experiencing sexual attraction. Other than that, asexual people are just like anyone else. It's sad that you've jumped to the conclusion that discussing asexuality and sexuality equals "obsession with sex," and it's laughable that you think you get to judge what "a true asexual" is when you don't know the definition yourself. What "shit" is more social than I apparently think it is? I'm a very social person, and that's not inconsistent with being asexual either.
swankivy 6 months ago 6
I'm not asexual, but the nutjob who wrote that letter talking about sexual activity and reproduction is not aware of the very real and alarming issue the world faces today and is going to increasingly face in the future-over population. Many countries/states can't meet the demands of their population in terms of the production of food, nor can they afford to import it. How is this clown then discussing even more additions to the world population?
DarkReapersGrim 7 months ago
@DarkReapersGrim I agree. You don't have to be asexual to not want to have kids, either--and the difficulty we have even supporting the people who are here now kind of suggests that people who voluntarily DON'T want to reproduce shouldn't be shamed and pushed into it, right? Reproduction is a valuable thing both personally and globally, but there's no need to insist that people who are not so inclined HAVE to join in or be condescended to. Thanks for your support.
swankivy 7 months ago
Thank you so much for this series. I am childfree and an aromantic asexual, came out about six months ago and still trying to sort things out . I am a visual person (deaf) and so thanks a BUNCH for the captions too. Much Love to you!
failuretoupload 7 months ago
@failuretoupload I'm glad you like. It's terrible how people are always judging us for not wanting to reproduce--as if we must be failures as people if we don't want what they want. I don't know why it's so offensive or threatening to them that some people don't decide to make having children part of their lives, but people often attack what they don't understand. Glad the captions helped, also! I hand-caption all my videos.
swankivy 7 months ago
He just wants sex. He has a harem. Ignore him.
time0space0witch 7 months ago
well it differs from males to females about masturbation...asexual males must masturbate for 2 reasons 1. the curse of blue balls, and if a male masturbates once a day his chances of prostate cancer goes down by 45%. But considering that we were all meant to be heterosexuals at birth and choose otherwise is irrelevant...we have to masturbate to keep our bodies running as if we were heterosexuals cause we can mentally choose to be asexual, but our bodies can't do that so easily =)
MrULTIMATEOMEGA 7 months ago
@MrULTIMATEOMEGA I don't think you can quote me any study that says cancer risks go down because of masturbation. The only study I've seen is that extra testosterone is linked to HIGHER rates of cancer. Don't make stuff up to try to tell other people heterosexuality is the only valid orientation and everyone else is just "mentally choosing." You are aware that animals that have no sentience nevertheless also exhibit homosexual behavior in the wild? Over 1500 species of them?
swankivy 7 months ago
I have a question. Do you completely lack any sexual drive? or is it just a sexual attraction to other peoples? like do you masturbate? or are you completely abstinent?
JTomps30 7 months ago
@JTomps30 Me personally, I don't notice any sex drive on my part, and I'm not interested in masturbation, but some asexuals report feeling otherwise. You're right to think that the definitive factor of asexuality is lack of attraction, though.
swankivy 7 months ago
Well... i gotta say... it sounds dumb to me because it doesnt make any sense to me... but i wont ever be able to understand either, but im also kind of intrigued....
i also dont believe in gay or straight, its not black or white, its all shades of grey...
is what your telling me your never attracted to anyone ever... in any way?
TruckTheTroll 7 months ago
@TruckTheTroll It's true, sexuality's a continuum . . . it's just that many people (I'd say most) find that their sexual orientation follows a predictable pattern. If you're a guy and you've never been attracted to another guy sexually and the idea seems really bizarre to you, you're probably straight. Me, I've never been interested in anyone that way so I'm probably asexual, and the label makes sense, but I didn't take a vow or anything. If my feelings change, so will my label. Understand?
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I cant say im straight at all... im also not gay... or bi (in the traditional definition anyway)... to me manliness is gross, femininity is attractive, thats it, regardless of gender.
Its hard for me to understand not being attracted to anyone. I can be attracted to almost anything if it catches me the right way.
Its all unattractive to you the way manliness is to me?
I can accept that, but I can never understand it.
TruckTheTroll 7 months ago
@TruckTheTroll Don't worry, I wasn't saying YOU were straight in my reply. It's an example, illustrating that most men who are attracted to women and only women use the term "straight." It makes perfect sense to not restrict yourself to a label if femininity, not necessarily "women," is what attracts you. Sounds like a great way to see things. So yes, no one has been attractive to me the way femininity is to you; similarly, I can accept but not personally relate to you being attracted to others.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Well, at least i now know this exists. Always good to be informed :)
TruckTheTroll 7 months ago
@TruckTheTroll Yupper! Some asexuals like to be in romances, though. So there are other kinds of attraction that make people want to group up/couple up . . . I don't happen to be one of those people who gets interested in romances, but to each his own.
swankivy 7 months ago
All the comments are paragraphs D: wtfffffff
DemonicSeal 7 months ago 17
Thats ridiculous that he kept bringing up your kids, why would a asexual have kids?
Tylerd172 7 months ago
@Tylerd172 Uh, asexuals can have kids. Not being sexually attracted to people doesn't mean you might not want to have a family. I don't personally want to have kids and that was what the argument was about, but that's not a "rule" for asexuals or something.
swankivy 7 months ago 13
Why wouldn't asexuals have kids? Sex is obviously not the only way to continue generation so where is there trouble? They might be just like any other people who want to continue living forever through their children and grandchildren instead of passing away without leaving any mark. A kid is not someone who asks sex from you, moreover it's nice to come home knowing that there's someone you care about, someone who will huggle you and cheer you up, someone reminding of yourself and one you love.
BaloonGreen 6 months ago
This probably wont be read but I'll comment anyways... I don't really get why people worry so much about others it is your choice, I am straight and I enjoy that, but I feel like I am sometimes the only person on this planet that thinks people should do what makes them happy with their life, I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, trans, asexual, whatever it may be, it's your life, live it how you want.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw Probably won't be read? Why not? You're commenting on the content of the video and giving a serious and respectful framing of your thoughts, right? I don't know why other people are so much more interested in my sex life than I am either, but yeah, apparently they are! (Go fig!) I also don't get why some people think asexuals are against other people having sex. It's all about choice and freedom. Thank you for the props.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy not used to people seeming to care about my opinion, but it's nice to know it is valued somewhere. I see that too though, people thinking just because something is someone personal choice that they are bashing everything else, it seems like people give other people a hard time for just trying to be happy with themselves.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw Aw! Well that sucks. Well, I like to hear from people who have something worthwhile to say, and I'd say your thoughts are refreshing. Especially since occasionally I hear from people who just seem so threatened by the idea of someone who isn't attracted to other people sexually, so they've got to attack me and try to make me believe I'm broken. And if they get me to believe that, they win what? What do they think they'll get if they try to take *me* away from me? It's sad.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Well I can assure you that you are not broken, and you actually seem like a very smart person to see that you aren't because I am sure there are people out there (I haven't really done much research on asexuality) who feel the same as you, but are convinced there is something wrong with them and are trying to fix themselves to fit the preference of everyone around them.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw Thanks, that's awesome. Thing is, I happened to have a supportive family and a thick skin, but not everyone does, so when I first started talking about asexuality in the late 1990s online, people sent me mail like "OMG thank you for saying this I thought I was the only one!" and I realized more people needed to be told not being sexual isn't necessarily being sick (though there are illnesses that have that as a symptom; I'm aware of that).
swankivy 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw But in the early 2000s David Jay started the Asexual Visibility and Education Network and a much bigger audience started to congregate there, so now he's done a lot more than I have with this whole awareness thing. It's good to have a community, but the orientation's preeeetty rare. I'm glad there's a place for them to turn.
swankivy 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw also, slightly off topic, but meh, To the guy who wrote you that letter, having kids is just as pointless, to pass on your gene pool for the next how long? hundred? Thousand? Million, hell I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say Billion, in the end it is all pointless because most people seem to think it will all last forever but nope, the universe can only support life for so long before it all goes black :D So if you look at it that way it;s all pointless.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw Honestly, as far as having kids goes I'm totally on board with people considering it a life goal. I don't tell them not to chase what they want to do. I just think it's really stupid for people to tell me what I need to do with mine. And why do they care so much? Suddenly if I'm not breeding or screwing people are SO interested in my WELL-BEING, but somehow they don't seem to care about my nutrition if I say I eat 3 popsicles a day, but if it's sex-related, I get psychoanalyzed.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Sorry the reply took me so long, But I understand what you mean, I have always had this disposition to stand up for peoples right to be themselves, without being judged because it's different, and along the lines of what you said, things that aren't okay are accepted as though they are and things that are of no harm to anybody are portrayed as unhealthy and wrong.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
@Impeccableflaw I don't mind if you don't reply immediately. This isn't a realtime conversation and I had no delusion that I had your undivided attention. :) YouTube comments keep. I once got a reply from someone more than two years later, though sadly it was a jerk. And yeah, I think it's just about insecurity--it's only sad, angry little people who aren't comfortable with themselves who have to attack other people and try to make their lives worse over differences which hurt no one.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Yeah I just now realized how long this video has been up haha, and in some sense I feel bad for the people like that because you can just tell how far the conformity has gone in their life and that's why they are how they are, taught to ostracize anything that is different than what is considered the norm. You'd think as they got older and grew up as people they would have learned independence and be able to see what they do is wrong, but they really think it is right. It's sad.
Impeccableflaw 7 months ago
Somewhat unrelated, but what the hell is a "eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan"?
hazahaxa 7 months ago
@hazahaxa Ah, well for me anyway, it means I don't follow a certain tradition, I don't believe in conscious deities or divine creation of the world, and I don't like to attend a group for my celebrations (solitary is very common for Pagans, but some like to be in a coven or other group). Mostly what I practice as far as Paganism is just folk traditions and kinda having reverence for nature, but for all intents and purposes I'd be an atheist.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Wow, swift reply! So you basically follow their culture except for their religious beliefs? Seems like that would be a big part of it to me, hehe. I can respect that though. From what I understand - although this may stem from watching too many show like Buffy the Vampire Slayer - that would involve witchcraft type things. If that is the case, do you practice that sort of thing?
hazahaxa 7 months ago
@hazahaxa LOL. Well, I type pretty fast. (Was once recorded over 140 wpm!) These boxes only hold 500 characters so it's easy to send a short and sweet response. I wouldn't say I follow their culture. I'm interested in old folk traditions and symbolism, and I think elemental studies are really neat. I like mythology and examples of the "enchanted" in everyday life, but no, it's not religious to me to be interested in those things. Most Pagans practice differently, I'd say.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I think all this is a bit far out from my area of expertise lol. Can't say I say know much about elemental studies or mythology.
Anyways, while your here, sorry about filling up the comments with unrelated stuff btw just very curious, what's this thing about hating eating onions accidentally? You only like them when you are forewarned of their presence?
hazahaxa 7 months ago
@hazahaxa Well, mythology's just neat (and it's a good background to have if you write speculative fiction). Elemental studies are just kinda about symbolism attached to fire/water/earth/air, but obviously it's not something scientific--it's just interesting. (I have a personality test I got from a book which is surprisingly accurate but based on elements; if you talk to me on OKC we can chat more about it.) As for onions, I hate/avoid them, but sometimes they sneak into my food and it's gross.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Haha, I'm totally imagining sentient onions creeping into your food when you not paying attention now! Anyways, it 2am here so I need to sleep now. You seem like a very awesome person, (especially after rifling through your profile and discovering you're a Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog fan which is only the best thing ever), and I wish you well in all your dreams and endeavors!
hazahaxa 7 months ago
@hazahaxa LOL aww. Thanks for the nice conversation! (Yes, totally a Dr. Horrible fan! One of my OKC photos has me wearing the shirt, and I have performed a song from the musical before!) Enjoy your snooze.
swankivy 7 months ago
Ya know, I really look up to you. Honest, no sarcasm. You are so comfortable with just living and not dealing with the things society deems "pleasurable". Also, your extensive vocabulary and sentence structure is awesome!
TheVioletsaga 8 months ago
@TheVioletsaga Why would you look up to her for being herself. To disambiguate, "not dealing" with things is what society does best. This is why she obviously made these videos.
youtubsubclean 7 months ago
OK Call me ignorant, but sex is the best feeling most intimate activity I engage in. And people I know get Horny if they don't relieve them selves. So I'm wondering do you have some sort of physical difference or deficiency, like males that have less libido, sperm count and testosterone because of chemicals or such.
Sexual attraction is a physical urge like hunger and you don't feel that, right?
blebby 8 months ago
@blebby I'm not sure why not being like you should be considered "a deficiency." Don't worry, I'm not trying to take it away from you or suggest that I'm better. I'm just okay with being the way I am and I don't see a purpose behind other people needing me to change. What is it to them?
No test I've ever taken, medically, has suggested I have a physical problem or anything that needs to be medicated. Hope that answers your question.
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy
I'm sorry but it think that it is a deficiency. I'm not against asexuals. It is your good right, but all animals are built to reproduce. So not having a sex drive is a deficiency, imo. If you would counteract this opinion I kinda would even like it because I don't like the fact that I think this way.
InsaneIs4EverMe 7 months ago
@InsaneIs4EverMe Sure, in general of course animals are "built to reproduce." But you do know that there are several hundred species besides humans that exhibit homosexual behavior, right? It's a variant. On a spectrum. Sometimes people and animals do things that are about feeling good and not about reproduction, just 'cause there's more at work than just the urge to propogate. I think it's a good thing if not all members of every species must reproduce in order to be useful in some other way.
swankivy 7 months ago
im not sure about this, seems illogical to me, especialy on the sex part. If you feel good while having sex, why would you want to not get sex, just because you're not attracted to a gender ? Simply put, if it feels good then you want more. If it doesn't feels good, then it might be a problem, not asexuality. It ain't a choice, brain control the pleasure, if you get no pleasure then it is a dysfunction. You cannot "choice" to not get pleasure.
Asexuality is the lack of attration, not lack of sex
wwoteloww 8 months ago
@wwoteloww Don't worry, you're right that asexuality means a lack of attraction. And that's why most asexuals won't be pursuing sex. (Think how most straight guys feel about pursuing sex with other guys, to whom they're not attracted: would getting a blowjob from the gay guy feel good? Probably, but it's not like he's going to try.) Some asexuals who have a sex drive masturbate, just to feel good, but that doesn't make them sexual. If it was, masturbation would be enough for sexual people too.
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy I'm straigh, having sex with another man would be very awkward indeed. But sex is sex, if earth had no women, or if I was sentenced to life in prison, i'd prefer having awkward sex for 2-3 times then getting used to it for personnal pleasure/gain than not having sex at all, it's all about being open minded at this point. Can't you do the same ?
Also, can you love someone ? If that person you love cheat on you, will it hurt you ? Have you ever masturbated ?(Dont have to answer that >.>)
wwoteloww 8 months ago
@wwoteloww Exactly: YOU'D prefer that. I wouldn't, even though I guess I'd have a pretty good population to pick from as I'm not in prison or living post-apocalypse. I don't understand "can't you do the same?" I'd ask "is it that hard to imagine someone just doesn't want to and they're different from most people?" but evidently it IS.
I've not met anyone I want a romantic relationship with. Last time I dated, I encouraged him to "cheat" because that stopped him pressuring me for sex.
swankivy 8 months ago
@wwoteloww I was fine with it, but he was hoping I would be jealous and act like a real girlfriend, when the whole relationship thing was his idea in the first place and I'd just been hoping to help him. (Sue me; I was a teenager, and I thought I could save people. He had problems.) As for "love," though, I love on plenty of levels--just doesn't cause me to want sex or to declare exclusivity. Masturbation doesn't appeal to me, but some other asexuals like it.
swankivy 8 months ago
@deadjoey77 Asexuality doesn't mean she's incapable of feeling "love". She could fall in love, but would just never be SEXUALLY attracted to them.
WTurner859 8 months ago
Obviously since you're asexual, you're not going to legitimately bare a child, but do you think that will eventually possibly find a sperm donor and have a child? You never explored this subject and sounds as though you've completely dismissed procreating just because you're asexual. Asexuality and not wanting kids are two different things.
WTurner859 8 months ago
@WTurner859 Oh, believe me, this is a matter of some interest to the asexual community! Of course "asexuality" and "childfree" aren't synonyms. (Frankly, you don't have to splain this stuff to me. Clearly I've kinda done my research. Heh.)
As for me, no, I don't want to have kids, though sometimes I think about it 'cause kids are great. Please don't tell me I've "completely dismissed" things as if that means I haven't thought about them. You know I'm a grown-up, right?
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy No, please don't misunderstand. I was in now way trying to tell you what have or haven't done. I should have clarified that I'm just going off of this one video and just by watching this single video that was the vibe I got. Nor I was I trying to explain anything to you. I should have been more clear. I apologize. I was just asking an honest question.
P.S. You actually seem to be an intelligent person and that's quite frankly a breath of fresh air for me here on the internet.
WTurner859 8 months ago
@WTurner859 That's cool of you to say and thanks for the clarification. Do keep in mind though that I can't possibly explain my whole position on a complicated issue in one video that's not devoted to that subject. (And as you might've noticed I'm wordy, so sometimes it takes two!) As for your honest question, hope I answered it! Regarding my intelligent breath (ha), maybe you're just kind of hanging out in some stupid places.
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy Intelligence is a breath of fresh air anywhere, whether it be on the internet or IRL, hun. Ha... Have a good one.
Also, did you speed this video up a bit? It seems as though it may be, especially while you're reading the transcripts.
WTurner859 8 months ago
@WTurner859 All too true, I'm afraid.
No, the video's not sped up. At the time YouTube set ten-minute limits for videos, so I just talked fast after doing a couple trials and running significantly over the limit. (Frustrating!) I can talk and sing really fast, so I put it to an actual practical use for once.
swankivy 8 months ago
I really wish I could find someone as smart as you that is interested in a relationship; forever alone...
bebubop 8 months ago
@bebubop Smarts aren't everything but thanks for the compliment. Sorry you're having a rough time.
swankivy 8 months ago
huh this was actually cool
whenigethomeursoded 8 months ago
@whenigethomeursoded Uh, thanks for watching it then?
swankivy 8 months ago
@whenigethomeursoded haha no prob
whenigethomeursoded 8 months ago
Have you ever had sex before? Just curious, no troll.
Adrenailine 8 months ago
@Adrenailine Nope, I haven't. What I've done that qualifies as sexual wasn't fun, though. I don't feel like I have to prove it, but at the time I thought "if I at least COMPROMISE a little and 'try it before you decide you don't like it' maybe he'll get off my back." He didn't. That's how it works; try it and don't like it, and they'll just say you did it wrong, so I'll trust myself to be able to tell if I feel that attraction. Straight people don't have to try gay to prove they're straight. :)
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy Thanks for the reply :) - Ah, so its just the lack of desire. Thats cool. On that note about everything working as it should, could there be a case for an asexual, where instead of responding to a sexual desire per se, there's a response/desire for pleasure and the associated endorphins?
stinkychesse 8 months ago
@stinkychesse It's not "lack of desire"--it's lack of sexual attraction. That's the defining characteristic of an asexual, though there are some asexuals who have a libido and some who don't (I don't have a sex drive that I notice, for instance). Definitely some asexuals masturbate. Some can even have sex, and can enjoy sex, but it isn't something that really occurs to them to want to introduce into their relationships, if they have romances.
swankivy 8 months ago
Here's a valid question: Why do you value arguing on the internet so highly and take it so seriously when no one listens or cares dearly enough to make it anywhere near a good use of time.
your responses took effort... damn...
also, why don't you try finding friendships the normal way, why do you segregate yourself from society?
jadenjak 8 months ago
@jadenjak I value arguing on the Internet? I have conversations, like most people. When I think they can be useful in illustrating a point, that's what I use them for. When they don't go sour--which is most of the time--they don't turn into a YouTube video about jerks. I'm not sure what conclusion you've come to about how I find friendships or why you think I'm "segregated from society," but I have an ordinary social life that's been formed pretty much the usual way.
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy Then why did you find it necessary to join a dating site with an intention suggesting otherwise?
jadenjak 8 months ago
@jadenjak Did you watch the video? I explained that OKCupid, while geared mainly toward dating, has EXPLICITLY NON-DATING CATEGORIES which are all I've signed up for. It's very good for matching similar people with each other for the purposes you pick, and I picked only the friendship ones. As a result, since 2005 I've met over fifty people and none of them expected to date or have sex with me. NONE. It's . . . gasp . . . WORKING. Any more arguments why I shouldn't use it?
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy At no point did i imply that that was your intention, you assumed i ment that.
it shows what it on your mind, and what responces you have already planned out in your head.
jadenjak 8 months ago
@jadenjak I don't see an assumption. You asked me to justify joining a dating site, and I explained to you that OKCupid is not exclusively a dating site. I don't have any responses planned in my head. If you're having trouble communicating, that isn't my fault. Point out the "assumption" I made about your "intention," because as I see it, you asked me a question and I answered it.
swankivy 8 months ago
@swankivy I referenced you intention of joining the site to make friends, but you interpreted it as assuming my reference in making the assumption that i was misinterpreting your intentions.
my communication is fine.
jadenjak 8 months ago
@jadenjak You're still not making any sense. The site has friends categories; therefore I did not join it in error. I said exactly that in the video that you're commenting on. There are also explicitly sexual NON-dating categories on OKC, but no one complains about them. I'm not assuming when I say you stated, explicitly, that I joined the site for a reason I should not have, which isn't true. Your communication includes misspellings and poor sentence construction. It's not "fine." I'm done.
swankivy 8 months ago
can an asexual still have a feeling of attraction or even preform masturbation while still keeping there title as asexual as long as it isnt towards the same specie or an entity (in this case humans) or does it not include things outside of our own species or inanimate object? also have you yourself or anyone else have a sexual attraction to nothing? sorry if these questions sound a little funky but this is something very new and interesting.
Kalabosbeandip658 8 months ago
@Kalabosbeandip658 Some asexuals masturbate, but I'm not in charge of handing out titles. ::laughs:: Glad you think it's interesting, though. There's plenty of info on the subject out there.
swankivy 8 months ago
why would asexual join a dating site?
snicp 8 months ago
@snicp Did you watch the video you're commenting on, actually?
OKCupid is primarily set up for dating, yep. Which is why while using it, I make it clear that I'm not using it for that. It DOES HAVE platonic meeting categories and those are the categories I am using. I'm not vague about this at all. And I meet friends through it REGULARLY--have for five years, so it is working for me. But some asexuals do date, actually. So they might use it for romance.
swankivy 8 months ago
One question (don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to imply anything):
Have you ever tried sex?
I mean there are a lot of things I don't do, that have made people question and judge me, simply because I've tried them and didn't like them (such as drinking and rollercoasters).
I was just wondering if you've given it a try before deciding you don't want it.
Noise509 8 months ago
@Noise509 Don't take this the wrong way, but do most straight people have to have gay sex to prove they're not attracted to the same sex?
Asexuality means you're not sexually attracted to anyone. I've never been interested in having sex with anyone I met, just like straight people aren't interested in having sex with those of their own sex, so they have no inclination to try it. I've not slept with anyone because of that, but haven't enjoyed kissing or petting that I was talked into either.
swankivy 8 months ago
@Noise509 Incidentally, when someone says they're asexual they're not saying "I decided I didn't want sex." They really are saying "I don't experience attraction toward anyone in a sexual way." Those are different things--it's not like an oath of celibacy. (Incidentally, I don't care for drinking, though I have tried it and I just plain don't like how it makes me feel. I get judged for that a lot too, "bwahaha you don't know how to have fun." Guess they'll think what they want!)
swankivy 8 months ago
personally, ive never even thought about asexuality. didnt realize anyone simply was not attracted to anyone sexually. yet even i recognize the complete ignorance and stupidity in the responses people have given you that you listed.
benlucky666 8 months ago
@benlucky666 That's cool. It's interesting that it doesn't have to apply to you personally or be relevant to YOUR life for you to accept that there are people who aren't like you. Props.
swankivy 8 months ago
It's not about what I "like" you have missed the point. It's about the bonding of two people that sex can offer. It's not just "likable" it's be deeply spiritual too. I can't help that It fills my hart with sorrow to know that it is something you will never know. I would not have even said anything but I cared for you. You call it pity but it's genuine concern. It doesn't matter if the bonding is gay or straight as long as the bond is there. A sex will never get you that. I will say no more.
MightyMEC 8 months ago
@MightyMEC You said that my situation makes you sad. That is pity. No one likes to be pitied for the life choices that make them happy.
Please understand that no matter what you believe about spiritual experiences, right now you are telling another human "your way is not as valid as m