You have to have a true friendship before you can become involved in a relationship if you actually want it to work. Women often become way too aggressive once they hear their biological clock ticking and no man ever wants to be pressured or strong armed.
First, your hair is on point! Second, what would be the threshold age for stopping the search for platonic friendships because I am 26 and I more times than not find myself in platonic friendships with guys even though I want to go to the next stage in my life. I'm usually platonic for like a year before I allow myself to entertain the thought of possibly wanting more, but if i don't sense any interest on their part I just let it go and move forward in the friendship.
I completely agree at a certain age you dont want to just make friends anymore. Most feel that they are mature emotionally and they have a career or job where they can take it to the next level with confidence. I believe men and women get to this point but they reach it at different ages.
oooohh!! i had to comment!! ok so I am 20 years old (i turn 21 next month) and in the fall I will be a senior in college. Although I am younger than everyone I saw comment I found it sooo interesting that I feel the same way everyone else does. Im am trying to figure out if i am too young to feel like im not interested in being "just friends" with random ppl? Should i use my young years to just have fun? i feel like im beyond my years...someone, anyone please respond
I believe that men are able to make new female friends, but it is more difficult for women to make new male friends without it turning into something else. If everyone is honest and upfront on their intentions and what they are/are not looking for, I think that other person has the choice of staying in the friendship or abandoning it.
this is definitely different for men. men never, NEVER, seek a platonic friendship with a female. those just sort of happen. if anyone tells you different, they are gay.
-wow..someone has been pondering the harder things...
As a guy in his early 30's, I've always had the opposite. The women I was romantically involved with, almost all wanted to stay "my platonic friends"(except for some really nasty break-ups though)
One of those women is married nowadays. Yet she's still my bosom-buddy/BFF for 20 years now, in everything I do.
I guess it just depends on the person. I know, I know.."cop-out"
Interesting question. Truth is- outside of situations like work, school/uni etc, I don't think either sex is picking up new opposite sex friends without there being an attraction to start with. Where's the motivation? I want to meet eligibles I'm interested in- friends, I got, and can pick up through friends/socialising!
I dont go out looking for male platonic friends. It usually comes about from a guy liking me and me liking him just not romantically, so often times i keep them as friends cause i feel bad :( guess that doesn't really count as strictly platonic, but i know what you mean i have enough friends i don't need anymore and if i'm not romantically interested in a guy i don't wanna know them on a deeper level
I remember thinking " I don't need anymore platonic guy friends at a certain age.. chillin with guys that I did't plan on being in relationships resulted in the following feelings "maybe they expect / want more than a friendship" " Am I leading them on?" " was that Jealousy, did he just say or do??? And then dealing with the questions/comments that would be made about our friendship and whether it was platonic (maybe by someone I could see myself with). Not worth it!!
oh yeah and for guys...I do think its different...not all guys...but alot I personally noticed...alot of guys dont mind being friends with females they have no intentions of being involved with. I have fellow coworker who is like that and is in total disagreement that I should have friends that are just female and that the one main guy friend would be my actual boyfriend...his view vs mines...*shrugs*
so no to platonic friendships...guys at the job, school, church or other regulars I see..I spoke...but when I leave that place...thats it. only guys in my phone are family & my man..at the time when I was single...family and the current dude I was talking to or getting to know in possibility that we will be official...less a hassle that way
ah the platonic friend thing...I was into having friends of the opposite sex when I was younger...like highschool younger...and I wasnt thinking about marriage or anything...but at the age I am now...I want to be married..I dont do the friends only thing. im in a relationship now but before I met my guy...I only talk to guys if I was interested in them and it was open that the only reason im allowing thebrotha to call is due to the fact that I am interested in him and KNOW he is interested in me
My feeling is that most people are growing &changing all the time. when that happens priorities change, perspectives change, needs change. Its pretty much like been there, done that. By time we reach adult we already know what it is to have a platonic relationship &many want a deeper connection. so yes, I agree it changes. but is also dependent on what your needs are at the time of making that new friendship. It does seem we place a greater importance on intimate connections as we get older.
I think it depends on where you are in life relationship wise. For example: I am in a very happy relationship with the person that I plan to marry so I don't mind and even welcome a platonic frienship from men. I love it. Where as a single woman may see things differently. And you are so right, if the person is not your type then of course they fall into the friend zone. Grreat Topic girl!
I honestly seek out ACQUAINTANCES rather than FRIENDSHIPS because you can learn alot from people on a less intimate level (networking is also great). On the same hand, my father told me men and women can't be friends. There's a ring of truth to his statement that goes beneath the surface of those words.
Great conversation and video. Soo funny that you are having this thought, just got out of a convo like this.....im 25 too and it just interesting how our minds shift....at this age....lol!
i feel like no matter how old u get the foundation is not laid unless u start out as friends, plus u get to see what that person is like so u kind of kno what u get ur self into bf hand instead of just jumpin in and get in somethin u wish u could throw bac and want take us thru the frnd phase!!!!!!!
I"m in my 30's and have been married for 4 years. My husband and I dated when we were teens, after life happening we rekindled our relationship and decided to marry. One thing my husband resented from our last relationship was my male friends. He said that guys are not platonic friends, they are just waiting for an opportunity to either be your man or have sex. I think there is some truth to that. Most initial encounter btwn men and women are based on sexual attraction not friendship.
do you know why men are not propsing to women anymore? its because women nowadays are giving it up to easily!!! after a while of using you they have lost intrest that they once had. make a guy wait for you if he really loves u he will wait . stop givingg it up like its not worth anything!!! thats why your 30 40 years old and still single because every guy u meet u let them sleep with u until they get tired of it.
yes! preach the truth.. there is no longer a chase anymore.. and people have stopped dating... now it like send me some text message meet the first day and might or more likely get laid.. lack of class is becoming contagious.. they even have a commercial called 1-800-bootycall where she turns down the guy who proposes and leaves with the who wants a bootycall.. i was like what the hell kind of message are they sending to women and men! lol
To add to what i said before, i think that there can be platonic friendships. I don't think they happen often cause if you are in a relationship you dont normally become close with the opposite sex and if you aren't in a relationship one of the two people eventually will want a relationship with the other. I think that they are very rare, but not impossible
For me personally, I dont think i have ever sought out platonic friendship with a guy. Either it just developed on its own without thought or we never become friends OR i actively try to put my self in his life so that i could scope him out for further development lol. If a friendship forms on its own I wouldn't dismantle it but I definitely don't look at a guy when i meet him and think " He could be a great friend"
LOL, friendship is also a type of a relationship...and friendship is a good base for marriage...so i think you should not reject platonic relationships, cuz you never know what can happen in the future...;-)
You can make platonic friends after a certain point if you are willing to, if you are looking for a mate/husband/wife it takes a little more to not bring out your "Check List" when you meet someone you are attracted to. But to me the friendship area is the most important because if you are looking for the next level, extablishing a friendship will only enhance/prepare the relationship.But, can you establish platonic friends once you have reached the next level w/o giving the wrong impression?
I believe that people can still have a platonic relationship. But I feel like you I am at a point in my life that I don't want anymore friends that I want to get a ring put on it but I won't just cut a guy out for that. If I know he is not the marrying type but he can offer me somethings such as company, encouragement, guidance, why not keep him around as a friend. Why throw someone away just because you won't marry him?
I think that not seeking friendships past a certain age is a complete choice. I was talking about this very topic earlier today. I personally feel the same as you. I have plenty of good friendships and i don't feel the need to seek out more in that regard. I think that is a reflection of what you want in the end. If what you want is the husband and kids then u will stop doing certain things. I am at the point where i'm ready for the next level.
I'm in my late thirties and still single! It freaks me out sometimes that I truly haven't met the guy I want to settle down with. Anyway, I'm still open to platonic relationships and just hanging out with men friends. But if there is an attraction and it may lead somewhere I like both parties to be upfront about it definitely. I guess I don't feel I have much time left to waste, lol.
I do think after a certain point, many women are no longer interested in being platonic friends with men they meet out. If telephone numbers are exchanged, the attraction is there, etc... I think if a woman is feeling that she's ready for the next level, she is going to want to see where things could go with that man. If he just wants to be friends or friends with benefits, I don't think the woman will be down with that if she has reached that point in her life where she wants a relationship.
I definitely can have platonic friendships with people to whom I am attracted. I may be physically attracted to someone, but firmly believe romantic things should come from something deeper within, meaning you definitely have to know the person, meaning you should be friends first.
What I realised pretty recently, though, is that I am no longer one for "flings". I am not interested in one-night stands or relationships that I know are going nowhere. If...
...I get involved with anyone, it has to be pretty serious. And both parties have to know that we are taking this seriously. If we break up down the road, fine, but I cannot get into anything I, the other person, or the both of us *assume* will not last very long.
Wow what a good topic! I'm in my early 40's and still single. I think that it depends on what you think about marriage. I haven't been married. I think that as you get up at the end of your childbearing years, you put so much pressure on your self to find that 1 person. I would agree with you but with the invention of the internet, I have met a couple of guys who have become 'just friends' since we are not romatically attracted. I do think that every man I meet, I sized him up instantly
to determine if I want to carry if foward. I like the whole being upfront approach b/c I don't want to waste my time. Once the baby clock stops ticking for you, you are more free to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex because the pressure is off.
I'm married and if I wasn't, I absolutely could have platonic relationships with men. I think the thing with women is that we are emotional creatures and we tend to form "attachments" with men that they often times don't feel. I personally believe that you can have platonic friendships with men and when God sends the right man your way, you will know it without a doubt.
Proverbs 18:22 - "HE who finds a wife, finds a good thing"
I love this post! I had the same conversation with my guy friends on the same topic a few days ago. I believe that there are platonic relationships but there is an age when you don't want to be "just friends" with every guy you meet.
I definitely believe you can have platonic friendships. I have several male friends who are like brothers to me. I do believe that, at a certain age, it gets harder to figure out what you're doing it for, since you are looking for love.
I'm married, but if i wasn't, I would not be looking for platonic friendships with men. Why, because I at this age, I already have enought friends in my life without adding to that. Further, you know when you see someone if your attractive to them and what your intent is. Just be honest and upfront INITIALLY!
Girl, I really only wanted to say that your hair is the BUSINESS in this video, but felt I needed to answere the question first...LOL!
I do think that two people can be just friends but just like you said if your not attracted to that person then yes you can have a platonic relationship but it all depends because he can have a great personality and you fall for him...so it depends on the person I believe the samething for me as well. if he's a good man he might want to become friends first and see if you guys share the same interest....sorry I hope that helped but i'm like you i'm trying to get a ring too lol
Once you reach a certain age you should only seek relationships of the opposite sex for romantic purposes. I'm recently got married and I can't see myself actively looking for guy friends (my husband would trip out). Putting yourself in that type of situation can only lead to messy problems
yes, I believe its possible to have a plotonic relationship with a male or female . However , once an individual turns a certain age they may have gotten to thepoint where they want to get married and not have plotonic relationships.
hummm very thought provoking question. Well, being 22 and a male We can have a strictly plutonic female friends that we aren't even attracted to. But, the thing is later when males find out they want more(females have the same thing happen,but from my perspective) were like i thought we were just friends.Males separate friends ,strictly form the go to have period.Interesting...
I think you can have platonic relationships with men. I have plenty of men friends. I think around 25/26 you may want to find THE ONE because you start thinking about age 30 you want marriage and babies before your mojo runs out lol
I don't think men get into it to be your "friend" (unless friends w/ benefits). My friend who I think of as a brother really liked me at first and I had no idea. I could only see him as a friend...
I think I come from the opposite end of the spectrum. I think it's good to have new frienships (men) when you are a single woman. One of those friendships may turn into love! My husband was actually just a nice man I met and we became friends and I got to know him more and really liked what he stood for, his character. Long story short we got married and looking back, I almost rejected him as a friend back then because I wasn't interested in that.
I agree at least for women after a certain age women are more focused on seeking out romantic relationships with men and less on platonic. I'm 23 and I haven't really had any serious relationships - and I'm kind of an old fashion girl. I don't really have any male friends that outside of school or work. And if I meet and become friends with a male its gonna be because their is hopefully a mutual interest in a relationship in the future.
I love your hair!!! what did u do to it???? I agree at some point it's not necessary to have so many male friends. I feel when a man seeks u out he is not just trying to be your friend.
I personally don't think men and women can be "just friends" unless one person is gay, or the two ppl just aren't a good fit. I've tried to have guy friends and still do, but after I got married most of the friendships kind of dissolved b/c the reality was they wanted to be more than JUST my friend. My husband and I have this discussion a lot concerning him and his female friends, since I don't feel like he should be actively seeking new female friends. But I guess that's another topic lol.
I think as we get older, our goals change so actively seeking friends of the opposite sex is not a priority but rather is a product of that person not being your type. Also, once you do get very involved with someone, a lot of those platonic friendships we thought we had become less active as most of our attention and time is focused on the "one." It's hard to maintain an active platonic relationship since those late night conversations on the phone are now reserved for the boyfriend 8-)
Friendship first regardless. I know when there is chemistry and when you just share a lot of the same interest. Although I am still searching I always have room in my heart for friends of any sex. My friends are like family. Sometimes there are no sparks but you keep him around maybe he will introduce you to the one and vice versa
I agree with you. To me, friendship is extremely important, and I think a lot of people are mistaking it for acquaintances. I also don't think this is a conscious process, while I've pointed it out. I don't actively turn someone way that I'm not interested in, however, my involvement may be impacted. Thanks for contributing!
I think that comes from a territorial sort of thing. You know like they don't want him, but the new girl is cutting in on their "friend" time with ol' boy, so now they're getting an attitude. I definitely agree with what you're saying, though. Thanks for chiming in.
Musiq said it loud and clear in his song "Half Crazy" (I just want my friend back) Some Men and Women just can not be friends, they are the opposite sex and we are attracted to one another.
I think that as we get older that we start moving away from meeting people to just be friends with. At the same time sometimes you become friends with a guy because he's not your type but is a cool person and the two of you can hang out.
About the topic: We aren't getting any younger, everyone is looking for someone. Plantoniceness doesn't exist anymore! Like you said you have enough friends, now it's time to find Mr. RIGHT!
I thought I had a platonic friend until I got married and my friend of 11 years is history.
Lol i believe that guys and girls cant just be friends why? because although they may be friends for sometime one ALWAYS ends up liking the other one For some reason it just always happens. well from what ive seen anyways.
On the other hand i guess its fair to say that guys and girls can be friend if theyre not attracted to each other...for sometime but they either get attracted to each other or just stop talking
when I was single, I had many what I thought were platonic relationships with men. All the time I was dating my husband, they started to drop off one by one. By the time I got married, I only had one platonic male friend left. I think that there is only one way for men and women to be freinds, they cannot be attracted to each other at all.
Totally agree and even then sometimes b/c u've been friends and may fall for them! I dunno. Some people can do it. But I have very few male friends that I would consider good friends. And the ones I do have one of us was attracted to the other at one point in time...
It's possible for men and women to have platonic relationships if NEITHER is attracted to the other. Otherwise, someone's feelings will get hurt and friendship is over just like that.
I'm not a very outgoing person. I lack in the friend department, so I look for friends in whatever form they may be found. If it's a dude, great--a girl, even better.
Dudes can be just friends with a girl if he likes her personality, but this is usually after he's already tried to hook up with her. lol
I think as you get older its harder to just be friends with people of the opposite sex just because most people generlly think about sex most of the time for example I talk to three guys who I have known for most of my life and all three say there my friend but would not hesitate to have sex with me tell are there really guys out there who just want friendship? Cause I cant find them LOL
i sooo agree with you ..it seems like every friendship i get into with a man either it started off they wanted to talk to me or we are friends and then later on down the road u have that awkward conversation
Interesting. I guess not because Ive never even thought of this. I never seek out friendship with either sex it just naturally happens. I have falling for a friend where I thought it was mutual, still not sure if it was or wasn't as is he. Now dating, Im not wasting time dating someone just to date. If I know theres no chance of him being the one I cut it off from there. Im old enough where I know what I want and don't waste time on potentials. BTW I LOVE your hair!
TY very much. I agree. I think the friendship thing leads into the dating thing for me. I also do the same thing, and since I like to be friends before I take it to the next level, I see if it's going to go anywhere before I invest too much in the situation.
most friends are just associates depending on definition... naturally you have to restrict associates due to the time and energy that is required... so yes both male and female should start restricting and standardizing their relationships with people...
i think age plays a factor in seeking platonic friendships but i also think it stems from a fear of rejection too. for me it has been easier to seek a friendship with a dude i'm attracted to in hopes of turning into a relationship because i didn't want to suffer thru rejection. however, as i learned, it also CONFUSES the situation. so now as i turn 25 next month i believe it may be wiser to take a chance and, put yourself out there..and make it be known from the start that you want more!!!
You should be friends with someone and then let it evolve. What if you find out that the apple of you eye is rotten inside. Have a friendship with whoever and go from there. The peach that you did not want might have the qualities that you need but you just past it by for the rotten apple. You have to get to know the person before you go down the aisle. You do that by forming a friendship.
I totally agree with what you're saying. I don't cut people off because I'm not attracted to them. Nor do I believe in jumping straight into a relationship. I believe in building a friendship with someone first. However, depending on how I look at them will determine the effort and actions of the dynamics of the relationship. Thanks for responding!
Female, 22 and yes platonic relationships are possible. If I'm not attracted to the guy then he could possibly be a friend BUT if I am attracted to the guy then I want more than just friendship BUT if he's attractive but we just don't click in the more than friends way then we could just be friends.
I think that you should do what makes you comportable and getting older makes you see things clearer. I don't seek out new friendships with people since I stil have plenty from my childhood and friendship just happens if it's meant to happen
NO , I disagree when a woman reaches a certain age she needs to stop having male friendships, u might meet your husband through that male friend. That's what's wrong with us women we seek to much. Some of my best / good friends are male( I never had sex with nam ONE). Stop seeking men and let them seek you. STOP making rules for yourself, and Just Live LIFE, and LIVE it WELL.
If I lived by your rule "women should let men seek them" I would still be single & not married to the love of my life.
We met online. Would've probably *never* met. We lived 75miles apart & were in different social circles (he an engineer & I, an artist)
My advice to single women in our workaholic culture? SEEKING your mate is not the the same as CHASING a man. You can certainly work to find him then allow the traditional courtship process to take place. It happens. :-)
Great vid Heather, I'm just enjoying reading the responses! @ globusine, interesting response. I believe it is the other way around "Love lasts forever (love is not romantic relationships, but divine, spiritual connection btw. two people, even ppl. who get divorced can still love eachother), while friendships come and go. People drift in and out of your life. I think the best friendships are founded on love and sometimes it brings people to be lifelong best friends, sometimes to marry etc.
Im 22 and I do believe that @ a certain age you stop seeking friends, unless you move or you had to change your circle for whatever reason. I've never really been one to date a lot of different people but I already find myself doing that. Even if we only end up being friends b/c the chemistry just isn't there. I think we do it more than men b/c most of us dream of the wedding and family, and the time frame for us is kinda limited. However I have heard men in late 20's start to make hints.
how do u even make female friends.... i've tried making female friends last summer and they all stopped talkin to me after i didn't push up on them.. i have one left and she tells me all the time, if we dont get together in the near future shes gonna stop bein friends with me...
I'll be 25 in January and I think that I would be doing myself a disservice if I only sought to be friends with someone because I thought they were a potential mate. I just enjoy people and the variety that an individual brings to my life. I want a relationship to be built on true friendship and I would be limiting myself if I did not stay open to everyone. I believe that is the difference between men and women, men just live, women are always impatient and want things to hurry up and happen.
I agree, and I left this open and said it exactly how I said it because I wanted to hear people's honest opinions. How I feel is, I don't cut people off if I don't want something romantically, however, my approach to the nature of our relationship/friendship will play a role in how actively I interact with the guy. I don't not talk to someone though if I'm not interested. (cont'd)
Friendships are really serious to me though, most people I know are just acquaintances, and I can have all those in the world and it doesn't bother me one bit. Thanks for chiming in!
I'm sort of in the same boat as KinkyhairBlog. Friendships happen and that's why they easier to obtain than relationships. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm 23 and a huge nerd. I figure love best happens when you're not so focused on finding someone. Right now I'm okay with being single. I do get somewhat lonely like anyone else, but I know I'm just not somewhere in my life where a relationship is a viability.
Even when I was in elementary/high school, I never really thought I had "friends". I mean I knew that I saw them everyday, but I knew in the future that I was probably never was going to see them again..so I tried not to attach to them. So unfortunently, don't really have friends...period.
I don't search for friendships. Friendships just happen.
Right now I just focus on being the best me I can be and hopefully attracting the right type of people.
Regarding relationships, I tend not to let myself fall into the friend zone with men I may be interested in. (I'm rarely interested in anybody.) LoL. I don't usually take interest in complete strangers so they are usually acquaintances whose qualities are attractive.
In any case, God knows best and another good friend can't hurt.
Right, most friendships do just happen. How I look at it is that any type of relationship will usually happen because you're attracted to some aspect of that person. Your friends, you're attracted to their personality, etc. We want to surround ourselves with people we like, period. However, like you said, if you find yourself liking someone more romantically, you're going to do what you can to avoid platonicism. However, if it goes down that road, I'm probably going to decrease my interaction
I feel the same way as you. I have enough friends same and opp sex. So at this point in my life, I'm interested in a man that I can be friends with and we're actively pursuing a relationship together as well.
(cont)... this means that when I meet a guy or show interest, I have no intentions of putting him in the friend box. While there is nothing wrong with starting off as friends, I believe it should be clear that we like each other and are getting to know each other to date etc. Men on the other hand have diff. motives and welcome female friends more friendly, because they look at them as hopefully potential girlfriends and if the girl doesn't like them, maybe they'll change their minds eventually!
I'm in my mid twenties as well and this topic comes up a lot! If I'm single and I meet a guy, it's like HELLOOOO I'm not interested in making any new friends, I already have enough male friends I'm cool with and I am not interested in adding anymore. I want a person that when I meet it's going to be more than a friendship, if not then I don't want to even talk to them. When you are a woman of a certain age and you're single by that time you have a good amount of friends of both sexes and..(cont)
If you're not married yet...HELL YEA! At that point you don't want to be bothered with that anymore unless he's a long time friend. I can't be bothered with that ish.
I agree. In my mid 20s, I only made the effort to befriend men with long term relationship potential. I didn't put energy into men that didn't meet that criteria. Time was of the essence; I couldnt be frivolous with my time. My girlfriends who did the opposite shooting the breeze with whoever, hanging out with guys knowing they had no future potential; they are still single and not happy about it. My theory is that the potentials were crowded out assuming these women had no time for them.
growing up i had mainly male friends but now that i'm older i prefer mainly females friends becuz i would never want my man with a lot of female friends just like my man may not want a lot of male friends around his woman. i know u should trust ur partner but sometimes ur partner is not the only one u need 2 b worried about u know.
Great topic...1st my very bff is a man. We've never dated we just clicked on a friendship level out the gate in college. I'm 34 and I prefer to be friends first. If it grows into something more than so be it. I don't actively seek out platonic friendships with men, however, the most important friendships I have with men develop in the most natural and unexpected way. I try not to block my blessings.
Very true, and that's something important to remember. I don't mean you completely cut someone off if you don't feel a connection romantically. However, your actions and effort might change and that can determine how much of a friend they are.
Great topic! I thought it was just me! I'll be 25 in a few short months,in the last few months I've found myself accessing my friendships. Since most of my friends are male they don't understand why things have to change. I feel like it's not going anywhere so what's point.
I'm 26 and still single. I feel that same as you do. I don't need any male friends around crowding my life. I just want one!!!!!11 When I begin to realize that all we could have is a friendship, I distance myself from them. Go be friends with someone else!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a 44-year-old, it's best to start off as friends, and have fun learning what that person is all about. It takes the pressure off. Men can smell desperation a mile away. Now after saying that, if you both have a mutual attraction for each other, then I say go for the gold and be in a relationship.
#1 No #2 Yes #3 Yes. W/ classmates, co-workers, & even neighborhood friendships, U should have enough friends by now (speaking if ur in ur twenties on up). Men (and some women even) are not thinking about just being a platonic friend, & the word friend is used so loosely these days. A "can we be friends" may not mean I want to get to know U so we could establish a long term relationship, it may mean I want to get to know U in a few mintues so we can have "benefits" attached to this friendship.
loving the hair! Im 23 and single, my best friend is actually a guy. Since Im not looking for a relationship right now, Im ok with getting to know someone but not exclusively dating them. To your questions, yes, Im not sure, Im not sure. I guess Im not old enough to answer the last 2 yet.
Right, I understand. I left this kinda vague because I wanted to solicit people's honest opinions. However, this doesn't mean you give up your current friends, nor does it mean you're like out hunting for men only to date lol. Thank you for participating! :)
I ended a great friendship with a man b/c he wanted to be more than just friends. I am not attracted to him that way. The next guy I "befriend" will be some1 I am looking to start a future w/. I don't need platonic male friends anymore. I feel like it's time wasted. Selfish, but true lol. I need a man who will be my friend then husband. I refuse to let a man be my friend when there could possibly be more.
I have enough female friends ;I'd like a man to befriend on a strictly platonic level then for it to lead to marriage. Anyway, great first WLTOW video! Btw, I'm 24. Anyway, looking forward to next week's.
Great Topic. I am 29 years old and I never really thought about it but you are completely right, at our age we do not search out regular friendships. Any new friendship with the oposite sex is with the view of a posible future with that person. WOW. by the way i love your shirt.
Thanks much. And you know, this is definitely not a conscious effort for most of us. In fact, I didn't realize until I was having this conversation a few weeks ago with my friend. It was like an epiphany. I think it naturally just happens, our brains just make that transition. It's part of the biological clock lol.
So. true. I will be 27 very soon.I just feel like I'm tired of BSing around.If someone wants to just be friends thats cool.But at this point I'm seekin guys who want to be friends but potential to be more.I'm in a situation right now where I've been interested in my one friend for years and he felt the same for me at one point.But now hes made it clear that he just want to be friends. Now I kinda don't want to be friends. Its wrong but I feel we BSing around. And I'm gettin to old for the games.
It's actually harder for men to be just "friends" with me. My approach to them will be the joking, caring, fun Jhia and then they start to attach their feelings where as in most cases, I won't. I have even had some of my guy friends stop talking to me bcz I did not want to go 2 the next level with them. They could not understand why I didn't but I know what I want out of a man adn a friendship. Some of them just made the cut as "friends.
I thought I was just friends with a guy in undergrad. We'd hang out and watch new movies together every now and then. We never even sat on the same couch. At the end of the semester, he confessed he wanted more and all of that was just him "putting in work and laying the foundation" Talk about surprised!
I think all "seeking" should be for...friendships, initially. In my experience (I'm 46), men don't usually SEEK to be platonic friends with women. Now, they may find themselves in platonic relationships, by chance...school, work, shared friends. But I have never had a man APPROACH me, for a platonic friendship.
If a man and women genuinely like each other, and they spend a lot of time together, it's quite common for one person in the duo to begin to "feel" more than just the buddy thing.
Agreed 100% Tracey. You have to get to know someone on a friendship level before the romance can happen, otherwise, you probably don't know the real person.
Friends are nice but yes after a while you need to think of your future and what you want it to look like. I married at 23 and have been married for 20 years. I'm glad I married when I did. God put my soul mate into my life. I'm blessed.
personal experience i stopped seeking for just friendships at the age of about 20, 21 i felt like i already new what i wanted in a guy and that if a guy couldnt strickly just be friends and i new his not the one then their is NO FRIENDSHIP iam 23 know and married and me and my hubby dated for about a year and then got engaged got married may 2009 so i say if you know what you are looking for in man dont waste time with just any guy that just wants to be friends you have enough off those
You'll just have to see for yourself someday. Unfortunate as it sounds, a hetero male friend would end his friendship with you if he met a special woman. Happens all the time. Keeps the peace in a relationship.
The vast majority of hetero men have no use for platonic female friends. It is unlikely a husband is going to be down for you hanging out with another male like you do with female friends.
Men aren't stupid. They know how other males think! lol.
True. I don't end my friendships with some of my best guy friends when I'm with someone nor do they end it when they're dating someone/married. However, the dynamic does change. You can't chill like you used to because obviously, someone else is taking up the majority of the time. That's just life.
hey heather, i am 39 years old. been married, divorced, in a relationship now for 4 years. there is no time to seek out friendship with other men or women. i have enough friends. in fact, i don't spend time with the friends that i have. i agree with mmckie2000. it is inappropriate in my opinion to have "friends with people of the opposite sex". why are you creating friends with a woman... i am all you need to be focusing on!
haha. and that is true, I got a full time, adult job for the first time, and you're right, I don't have time for my best friends now let alone making new ones.
When i was 25, 21yrs ago lol, i was already married didn't have years to play with had already been in army at 17, and started working as a correctional officer now retired two children later had'em at 28,30. I had enough friends i was ready for my husband and fam life don't give you time to play with a bunch of "friends" You know what you want so if he don't next untill you meet mr. ring, remember every min you breath make it count for your good. Get your ring girl lol....
You have to have a true friendship before you can become involved in a relationship if you actually want it to work. Women often become way too aggressive once they hear their biological clock ticking and no man ever wants to be pressured or strong armed.
damones1 9 months ago
First, your hair is on point! Second, what would be the threshold age for stopping the search for platonic friendships because I am 26 and I more times than not find myself in platonic friendships with guys even though I want to go to the next stage in my life. I'm usually platonic for like a year before I allow myself to entertain the thought of possibly wanting more, but if i don't sense any interest on their part I just let it go and move forward in the friendship.
blackhairchronicles 1 year ago
OMG Ur hair is beautiful! Plz plz plz make a tutorial plz. :)
bkrache 1 year ago
you are so jolie
maille2 1 year ago
I completely agree at a certain age you dont want to just make friends anymore. Most feel that they are mature emotionally and they have a career or job where they can take it to the next level with confidence. I believe men and women get to this point but they reach it at different ages.
LoveChrissiPoo 1 year ago
oooohh!! i had to comment!! ok so I am 20 years old (i turn 21 next month) and in the fall I will be a senior in college. Although I am younger than everyone I saw comment I found it sooo interesting that I feel the same way everyone else does. Im am trying to figure out if i am too young to feel like im not interested in being "just friends" with random ppl? Should i use my young years to just have fun? i feel like im beyond my years...someone, anyone please respond
shrthairdntcare10 1 year ago
I agree that when adults reach 25+ it's time to stop acting childish and look for something more stable.
ksha 1 year ago
I believe that men are able to make new female friends, but it is more difficult for women to make new male friends without it turning into something else. If everyone is honest and upfront on their intentions and what they are/are not looking for, I think that other person has the choice of staying in the friendship or abandoning it.
yorkieforsale 1 year ago
this is definitely different for men. men never, NEVER, seek a platonic friendship with a female. those just sort of happen. if anyone tells you different, they are gay.
Blindianboy 1 year ago
-wow..someone has been pondering the harder things...
As a guy in his early 30's, I've always had the opposite. The women I was romantically involved with, almost all wanted to stay "my platonic friends"(except for some really nasty break-ups though)
One of those women is married nowadays. Yet she's still my bosom-buddy/BFF for 20 years now, in everything I do.
I guess it just depends on the person. I know, I know.."cop-out"
diakrite 1 year ago
i love your hair in this vid wat did u do to it
NiJAR0yAL 2 years ago
no to part 1.
HELL KNAWL.
braniakkid 2 years ago
l like that ur swithing it up with ur videos, i absouletely love your accent, its so cute. x
osehietomi123 2 years ago
Interesting question. Truth is- outside of situations like work, school/uni etc, I don't think either sex is picking up new opposite sex friends without there being an attraction to start with. Where's the motivation? I want to meet eligibles I'm interested in- friends, I got, and can pick up through friends/socialising!
dolcegill 2 years ago
i love love love ur curly hair,how did u did it?I wanna do the same work on my afro hair.
linday2009 2 years ago
yo tambien.
braniakkid 2 years ago
I dont go out looking for male platonic friends. It usually comes about from a guy liking me and me liking him just not romantically, so often times i keep them as friends cause i feel bad :( guess that doesn't really count as strictly platonic, but i know what you mean i have enough friends i don't need anymore and if i'm not romantically interested in a guy i don't wanna know them on a deeper level
chatamoment02 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I like your shirt.
Neutralbuttafly 2 years ago
I remember thinking " I don't need anymore platonic guy friends at a certain age.. chillin with guys that I did't plan on being in relationships resulted in the following feelings "maybe they expect / want more than a friendship" " Am I leading them on?" " was that Jealousy, did he just say or do??? And then dealing with the questions/comments that would be made about our friendship and whether it was platonic (maybe by someone I could see myself with). Not worth it!!
coilbliss 2 years ago
i love the shirt!!!
pixikkie7 2 years ago
oh yeah and for guys...I do think its different...not all guys...but alot I personally noticed...alot of guys dont mind being friends with females they have no intentions of being involved with. I have fellow coworker who is like that and is in total disagreement that I should have friends that are just female and that the one main guy friend would be my actual boyfriend...his view vs mines...*shrugs*
imsatindoll 2 years ago
diggin this series btw
imsatindoll 2 years ago
so no to platonic friendships...guys at the job, school, church or other regulars I see..I spoke...but when I leave that place...thats it. only guys in my phone are family & my man..at the time when I was single...family and the current dude I was talking to or getting to know in possibility that we will be official...less a hassle that way
imsatindoll 2 years ago
ah the platonic friend thing...I was into having friends of the opposite sex when I was younger...like highschool younger...and I wasnt thinking about marriage or anything...but at the age I am now...I want to be married..I dont do the friends only thing. im in a relationship now but before I met my guy...I only talk to guys if I was interested in them and it was open that the only reason im allowing thebrotha to call is due to the fact that I am interested in him and KNOW he is interested in me
imsatindoll 2 years ago
My feeling is that most people are growing &changing all the time. when that happens priorities change, perspectives change, needs change. Its pretty much like been there, done that. By time we reach adult we already know what it is to have a platonic relationship &many want a deeper connection. so yes, I agree it changes. but is also dependent on what your needs are at the time of making that new friendship. It does seem we place a greater importance on intimate connections as we get older.
splendidnblended 2 years ago
I think it depends on where you are in life relationship wise. For example: I am in a very happy relationship with the person that I plan to marry so I don't mind and even welcome a platonic frienship from men. I love it. Where as a single woman may see things differently. And you are so right, if the person is not your type then of course they fall into the friend zone. Grreat Topic girl!
rialjim 2 years ago
I honestly seek out ACQUAINTANCES rather than FRIENDSHIPS because you can learn alot from people on a less intimate level (networking is also great). On the same hand, my father told me men and women can't be friends. There's a ring of truth to his statement that goes beneath the surface of those words.
NaaAdjoa 2 years ago
Great conversation and video. Soo funny that you are having this thought, just got out of a convo like this.....im 25 too and it just interesting how our minds shift....at this age....lol!
murph208 2 years ago
i feel like no matter how old u get the foundation is not laid unless u start out as friends, plus u get to see what that person is like so u kind of kno what u get ur self into bf hand instead of just jumpin in and get in somethin u wish u could throw bac and want take us thru the frnd phase!!!!!!!
virgobaby82 2 years ago
I"m in my 30's and have been married for 4 years. My husband and I dated when we were teens, after life happening we rekindled our relationship and decided to marry. One thing my husband resented from our last relationship was my male friends. He said that guys are not platonic friends, they are just waiting for an opportunity to either be your man or have sex. I think there is some truth to that. Most initial encounter btwn men and women are based on sexual attraction not friendship.
Nicsnaps 2 years ago
do you know why men are not propsing to women anymore? its because women nowadays are giving it up to easily!!! after a while of using you they have lost intrest that they once had. make a guy wait for you if he really loves u he will wait . stop givingg it up like its not worth anything!!! thats why your 30 40 years old and still single because every guy u meet u let them sleep with u until they get tired of it.
secretlyconcided 2 years ago 2
yes! preach the truth.. there is no longer a chase anymore.. and people have stopped dating... now it like send me some text message meet the first day and might or more likely get laid.. lack of class is becoming contagious.. they even have a commercial called 1-800-bootycall where she turns down the guy who proposes and leaves with the who wants a bootycall.. i was like what the hell kind of message are they sending to women and men! lol
Skyy2121 2 years ago
To add to what i said before, i think that there can be platonic friendships. I don't think they happen often cause if you are in a relationship you dont normally become close with the opposite sex and if you aren't in a relationship one of the two people eventually will want a relationship with the other. I think that they are very rare, but not impossible
ellevans710 2 years ago
For me personally, I dont think i have ever sought out platonic friendship with a guy. Either it just developed on its own without thought or we never become friends OR i actively try to put my self in his life so that i could scope him out for further development lol. If a friendship forms on its own I wouldn't dismantle it but I definitely don't look at a guy when i meet him and think " He could be a great friend"
ellevans710 2 years ago
LOL, friendship is also a type of a relationship...and friendship is a good base for marriage...so i think you should not reject platonic relationships, cuz you never know what can happen in the future...;-)
FreyaMarsha 2 years ago 2
You can make platonic friends after a certain point if you are willing to, if you are looking for a mate/husband/wife it takes a little more to not bring out your "Check List" when you meet someone you are attracted to. But to me the friendship area is the most important because if you are looking for the next level, extablishing a friendship will only enhance/prepare the relationship.But, can you establish platonic friends once you have reached the next level w/o giving the wrong impression?
Sweetre83 2 years ago
I believe that people can still have a platonic relationship. But I feel like you I am at a point in my life that I don't want anymore friends that I want to get a ring put on it but I won't just cut a guy out for that. If I know he is not the marrying type but he can offer me somethings such as company, encouragement, guidance, why not keep him around as a friend. Why throw someone away just because you won't marry him?
AshleyA184 2 years ago
I think that not seeking friendships past a certain age is a complete choice. I was talking about this very topic earlier today. I personally feel the same as you. I have plenty of good friendships and i don't feel the need to seek out more in that regard. I think that is a reflection of what you want in the end. If what you want is the husband and kids then u will stop doing certain things. I am at the point where i'm ready for the next level.
NaturalBells 2 years ago
I'm in my late thirties and still single! It freaks me out sometimes that I truly haven't met the guy I want to settle down with. Anyway, I'm still open to platonic relationships and just hanging out with men friends. But if there is an attraction and it may lead somewhere I like both parties to be upfront about it definitely. I guess I don't feel I have much time left to waste, lol.
santonegra 2 years ago
I do think after a certain point, many women are no longer interested in being platonic friends with men they meet out. If telephone numbers are exchanged, the attraction is there, etc... I think if a woman is feeling that she's ready for the next level, she is going to want to see where things could go with that man. If he just wants to be friends or friends with benefits, I don't think the woman will be down with that if she has reached that point in her life where she wants a relationship.
brwnbarbie24 2 years ago
I just turned 26, and am female.
I definitely can have platonic friendships with people to whom I am attracted. I may be physically attracted to someone, but firmly believe romantic things should come from something deeper within, meaning you definitely have to know the person, meaning you should be friends first.
What I realised pretty recently, though, is that I am no longer one for "flings". I am not interested in one-night stands or relationships that I know are going nowhere. If...
sixteenhournap 2 years ago
...I get involved with anyone, it has to be pretty serious. And both parties have to know that we are taking this seriously. If we break up down the road, fine, but I cannot get into anything I, the other person, or the both of us *assume* will not last very long.
sixteenhournap 2 years ago
Wow what a good topic! I'm in my early 40's and still single. I think that it depends on what you think about marriage. I haven't been married. I think that as you get up at the end of your childbearing years, you put so much pressure on your self to find that 1 person. I would agree with you but with the invention of the internet, I have met a couple of guys who have become 'just friends' since we are not romatically attracted. I do think that every man I meet, I sized him up instantly
mpenny226 2 years ago
to determine if I want to carry if foward. I like the whole being upfront approach b/c I don't want to waste my time. Once the baby clock stops ticking for you, you are more free to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex because the pressure is off.
mpenny226 2 years ago
I'm married and if I wasn't, I absolutely could have platonic relationships with men. I think the thing with women is that we are emotional creatures and we tend to form "attachments" with men that they often times don't feel. I personally believe that you can have platonic friendships with men and when God sends the right man your way, you will know it without a doubt.
Proverbs 18:22 - "HE who finds a wife, finds a good thing"
sultry1231 2 years ago
I love this post! I had the same conversation with my guy friends on the same topic a few days ago. I believe that there are platonic relationships but there is an age when you don't want to be "just friends" with every guy you meet.
2cute2021 2 years ago
I definitely believe you can have platonic friendships. I have several male friends who are like brothers to me. I do believe that, at a certain age, it gets harder to figure out what you're doing it for, since you are looking for love.
narcotica1411 2 years ago
I'm married, but if i wasn't, I would not be looking for platonic friendships with men. Why, because I at this age, I already have enought friends in my life without adding to that. Further, you know when you see someone if your attractive to them and what your intent is. Just be honest and upfront INITIALLY!
Girl, I really only wanted to say that your hair is the BUSINESS in this video, but felt I needed to answere the question first...LOL!
Ree4al 2 years ago 2
LOL. Thanks for the compliment. And I agree, being upfront is a good way to go, no mixed messages.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I do think that two people can be just friends but just like you said if your not attracted to that person then yes you can have a platonic relationship but it all depends because he can have a great personality and you fall for him...so it depends on the person I believe the samething for me as well. if he's a good man he might want to become friends first and see if you guys share the same interest....sorry I hope that helped but i'm like you i'm trying to get a ring too lol
spareld 2 years ago
No everyone's opinion helps, so thank you for chiming in. I definitely agree and see what you're saying.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Once you reach a certain age you should only seek relationships of the opposite sex for romantic purposes. I'm recently got married and I can't see myself actively looking for guy friends (my husband would trip out). Putting yourself in that type of situation can only lead to messy problems
ybernard97 2 years ago
Yea I definitely agree about things leading to problems down the road.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
yes, I believe its possible to have a plotonic relationship with a male or female . However , once an individual turns a certain age they may have gotten to thepoint where they want to get married and not have plotonic relationships.
CorbinC7M 2 years ago
hummm very thought provoking question. Well, being 22 and a male We can have a strictly plutonic female friends that we aren't even attracted to. But, the thing is later when males find out they want more(females have the same thing happen,but from my perspective) were like i thought we were just friends.Males separate friends ,strictly form the go to have period.Interesting...
Enlightenedtruth777 2 years ago
Yay, a male perspective. Thanks for chiming in!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think you can have platonic relationships with men. I have plenty of men friends. I think around 25/26 you may want to find THE ONE because you start thinking about age 30 you want marriage and babies before your mojo runs out lol
up4itgal 2 years ago
I don't think men get into it to be your "friend" (unless friends w/ benefits). My friend who I think of as a brother really liked me at first and I had no idea. I could only see him as a friend...
vmwye 2 years ago
Right, and that's how it is for a lot of women who have men that they think are platonic. It's platonic on your end, but not theirs or vice versa.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think I come from the opposite end of the spectrum. I think it's good to have new frienships (men) when you are a single woman. One of those friendships may turn into love! My husband was actually just a nice man I met and we became friends and I got to know him more and really liked what he stood for, his character. Long story short we got married and looking back, I almost rejected him as a friend back then because I wasn't interested in that.
GigglesnGaggie 2 years ago
I'm really happy that worked out in your favor. Thanks for bringing your perspective to the table!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I agree at least for women after a certain age women are more focused on seeking out romantic relationships with men and less on platonic. I'm 23 and I haven't really had any serious relationships - and I'm kind of an old fashion girl. I don't really have any male friends that outside of school or work. And if I meet and become friends with a male its gonna be because their is hopefully a mutual interest in a relationship in the future.
vintagenarcissa 2 years ago
There's nothing wrong with being old fashioned, i consider myself one too.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I love your hair!!! what did u do to it???? I agree at some point it's not necessary to have so many male friends. I feel when a man seeks u out he is not just trying to be your friend.
MissCurly26 2 years ago
I personally don't think men and women can be "just friends" unless one person is gay, or the two ppl just aren't a good fit. I've tried to have guy friends and still do, but after I got married most of the friendships kind of dissolved b/c the reality was they wanted to be more than JUST my friend. My husband and I have this discussion a lot concerning him and his female friends, since I don't feel like he should be actively seeking new female friends. But I guess that's another topic lol.
hottamale2213 2 years ago
Oh yea, that's a totally different bag of chips. We'll put that in the future discussions, so thanks for the idea.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think Guys rarely look for girls to be platonically friends with. If they are straight, they have a motive.
1) They want to have something with you
2) They want to have something with 1 of your girl friends
3) They feel you can help them in some way
lrnsms 2 years ago
Yea, there's always a motive. lol
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think as we get older, our goals change so actively seeking friends of the opposite sex is not a priority but rather is a product of that person not being your type. Also, once you do get very involved with someone, a lot of those platonic friendships we thought we had become less active as most of our attention and time is focused on the "one." It's hard to maintain an active platonic relationship since those late night conversations on the phone are now reserved for the boyfriend 8-)
MissAfrobella 2 years ago
Very well stated.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Friendship first regardless. I know when there is chemistry and when you just share a lot of the same interest. Although I am still searching I always have room in my heart for friends of any sex. My friends are like family. Sometimes there are no sparks but you keep him around maybe he will introduce you to the one and vice versa
BROWNEBABE 2 years ago
I agree with you. To me, friendship is extremely important, and I think a lot of people are mistaking it for acquaintances. I also don't think this is a conscious process, while I've pointed it out. I don't actively turn someone way that I'm not interested in, however, my involvement may be impacted. Thanks for contributing!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think that comes from a territorial sort of thing. You know like they don't want him, but the new girl is cutting in on their "friend" time with ol' boy, so now they're getting an attitude. I definitely agree with what you're saying, though. Thanks for chiming in.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Musiq said it loud and clear in his song "Half Crazy" (I just want my friend back) Some Men and Women just can not be friends, they are the opposite sex and we are attracted to one another.
kaysplay 2 years ago
Wow, I haven't listened to that song in a long time. I'm gonna listen to it now.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think that as we get older that we start moving away from meeting people to just be friends with. At the same time sometimes you become friends with a guy because he's not your type but is a cool person and the two of you can hang out.
tori790 2 years ago
I agree completely. Thanks for responding.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Hair looks great! I think that being a friend is just a step to get to the next step.
saintswife1 2 years ago
I cosign. You have to be friends before taking it to the next level.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
1st things 1st. I am lovin the hair
Next what's the color on your nails?
About the topic: We aren't getting any younger, everyone is looking for someone. Plantoniceness doesn't exist anymore! Like you said you have enough friends, now it's time to find Mr. RIGHT!
I thought I had a platonic friend until I got married and my friend of 11 years is history.
TheBermudian1 2 years ago
Thank you. The nail color is OPI's You don't know Jacques. Wow, that's not good. 11 years is a long time.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Lol i believe that guys and girls cant just be friends why? because although they may be friends for sometime one ALWAYS ends up liking the other one For some reason it just always happens. well from what ive seen anyways.
On the other hand i guess its fair to say that guys and girls can be friend if theyre not attracted to each other...for sometime but they either get attracted to each other or just stop talking
chocolatechica5492 2 years ago 2
I tried to tell another guy friend that, he didn't want to admit it, but I definitely agree with you.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
when I was single, I had many what I thought were platonic relationships with men. All the time I was dating my husband, they started to drop off one by one. By the time I got married, I only had one platonic male friend left. I think that there is only one way for men and women to be freinds, they cannot be attracted to each other at all.
chichimamma77 2 years ago 2
Agreed.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Totally agree and even then sometimes b/c u've been friends and may fall for them! I dunno. Some people can do it. But I have very few male friends that I would consider good friends. And the ones I do have one of us was attracted to the other at one point in time...
vivacious1083 2 years ago
It's possible for men and women to have platonic relationships if NEITHER is attracted to the other. Otherwise, someone's feelings will get hurt and friendship is over just like that.
I'm not a very outgoing person. I lack in the friend department, so I look for friends in whatever form they may be found. If it's a dude, great--a girl, even better.
Dudes can be just friends with a girl if he likes her personality, but this is usually after he's already tried to hook up with her. lol
alittlesickducksucks 2 years ago 3
Oh hook up is the first goal lol. Get out and make you some girl friends, girl!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think as you get older its harder to just be friends with people of the opposite sex just because most people generlly think about sex most of the time for example I talk to three guys who I have known for most of my life and all three say there my friend but would not hesitate to have sex with me tell are there really guys out there who just want friendship? Cause I cant find them LOL
CoraRenea0486 2 years ago 4
i sooo agree with you ..it seems like every friendship i get into with a man either it started off they wanted to talk to me or we are friends and then later on down the road u have that awkward conversation
TayTubian 2 years ago
Awkward conversations suck. And I have a don't ask, don't tell policy with some of my guy friends for the exact reason Cora stated.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Interesting. I guess not because Ive never even thought of this. I never seek out friendship with either sex it just naturally happens. I have falling for a friend where I thought it was mutual, still not sure if it was or wasn't as is he. Now dating, Im not wasting time dating someone just to date. If I know theres no chance of him being the one I cut it off from there. Im old enough where I know what I want and don't waste time on potentials. BTW I LOVE your hair!
boomboomgirl 2 years ago
TY very much. I agree. I think the friendship thing leads into the dating thing for me. I also do the same thing, and since I like to be friends before I take it to the next level, I see if it's going to go anywhere before I invest too much in the situation.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
most friends are just associates depending on definition... naturally you have to restrict associates due to the time and energy that is required... so yes both male and female should start restricting and standardizing their relationships with people...
KemelyenKelazh 2 years ago
Oh, I definitely agree about associates. I'm very very discerning when it comes to whom I call a friend. Thanks for chiming in!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
i think age plays a factor in seeking platonic friendships but i also think it stems from a fear of rejection too. for me it has been easier to seek a friendship with a dude i'm attracted to in hopes of turning into a relationship because i didn't want to suffer thru rejection. however, as i learned, it also CONFUSES the situation. so now as i turn 25 next month i believe it may be wiser to take a chance and, put yourself out there..and make it be known from the start that you want more!!!
shamikab 2 years ago
Very good point! Thanks for bringing your perspective to the table :)
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
no prob..love ur channel by the way :D!!
shamikab 2 years ago
You should be friends with someone and then let it evolve. What if you find out that the apple of you eye is rotten inside. Have a friendship with whoever and go from there. The peach that you did not want might have the qualities that you need but you just past it by for the rotten apple. You have to get to know the person before you go down the aisle. You do that by forming a friendship.
fabulousdiva713 2 years ago
I totally agree with what you're saying. I don't cut people off because I'm not attracted to them. Nor do I believe in jumping straight into a relationship. I believe in building a friendship with someone first. However, depending on how I look at them will determine the effort and actions of the dynamics of the relationship. Thanks for responding!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Female, 22 and yes platonic relationships are possible. If I'm not attracted to the guy then he could possibly be a friend BUT if I am attracted to the guy then I want more than just friendship BUT if he's attractive but we just don't click in the more than friends way then we could just be friends.
yoruba21 2 years ago
I think that you should do what makes you comportable and getting older makes you see things clearer. I don't seek out new friendships with people since I stil have plenty from my childhood and friendship just happens if it's meant to happen
DariceHumphries 2 years ago
And I agree with that. Most of my friends are people that I grew up with as well.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
NO , I disagree when a woman reaches a certain age she needs to stop having male friendships, u might meet your husband through that male friend. That's what's wrong with us women we seek to much. Some of my best / good friends are male( I never had sex with nam ONE). Stop seeking men and let them seek you. STOP making rules for yourself, and Just Live LIFE, and LIVE it WELL.
Altovise0214 2 years ago 3
Altovise0214 ,
If I lived by your rule "women should let men seek them" I would still be single & not married to the love of my life.
We met online. Would've probably *never* met. We lived 75miles apart & were in different social circles (he an engineer & I, an artist)
My advice to single women in our workaholic culture? SEEKING your mate is not the the same as CHASING a man. You can certainly work to find him then allow the traditional courtship process to take place. It happens. :-)
kimmaytube 2 years ago
Great topic...I totally agree with you
LilBrownsuga 2 years ago
your HAIR IS GORGEOUS WHAT DID YOU DO?????
Imani002 2 years ago 2
luv de top.....esp de design
jamdownfox 2 years ago
Friendship last forever while Love comes ans go.
A true proof is by the book of Gregory Roberts called Shantaram. Hope one day you read it
globusine 2 years ago
Great vid Heather, I'm just enjoying reading the responses! @ globusine, interesting response. I believe it is the other way around "Love lasts forever (love is not romantic relationships, but divine, spiritual connection btw. two people, even ppl. who get divorced can still love eachother), while friendships come and go. People drift in and out of your life. I think the best friendships are founded on love and sometimes it brings people to be lifelong best friends, sometimes to marry etc.
umkish 2 years ago
Im 22 and I do believe that @ a certain age you stop seeking friends, unless you move or you had to change your circle for whatever reason. I've never really been one to date a lot of different people but I already find myself doing that. Even if we only end up being friends b/c the chemistry just isn't there. I think we do it more than men b/c most of us dream of the wedding and family, and the time frame for us is kinda limited. However I have heard men in late 20's start to make hints.
jgee19 2 years ago
Yea, I've heard some men start to do it too. Thanks for contributing to the discussion!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
how do u even make female friends.... i've tried making female friends last summer and they all stopped talkin to me after i didn't push up on them.. i have one left and she tells me all the time, if we dont get together in the near future shes gonna stop bein friends with me...
bkvintagecorp 2 years ago
I'll be 25 in January and I think that I would be doing myself a disservice if I only sought to be friends with someone because I thought they were a potential mate. I just enjoy people and the variety that an individual brings to my life. I want a relationship to be built on true friendship and I would be limiting myself if I did not stay open to everyone. I believe that is the difference between men and women, men just live, women are always impatient and want things to hurry up and happen.
AshleighES 2 years ago
I agree, and I left this open and said it exactly how I said it because I wanted to hear people's honest opinions. How I feel is, I don't cut people off if I don't want something romantically, however, my approach to the nature of our relationship/friendship will play a role in how actively I interact with the guy. I don't not talk to someone though if I'm not interested. (cont'd)
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Friendships are really serious to me though, most people I know are just acquaintances, and I can have all those in the world and it doesn't bother me one bit. Thanks for chiming in!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I'm sort of in the same boat as KinkyhairBlog. Friendships happen and that's why they easier to obtain than relationships. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm 23 and a huge nerd. I figure love best happens when you're not so focused on finding someone. Right now I'm okay with being single. I do get somewhat lonely like anyone else, but I know I'm just not somewhere in my life where a relationship is a viability.
thegiantpaperpanda 2 years ago 2
Im 18, and I don't even seek out friendships.
Even when I was in elementary/high school, I never really thought I had "friends". I mean I knew that I saw them everyday, but I knew in the future that I was probably never was going to see them again..so I tried not to attach to them. So unfortunently, don't really have friends...period.
beguiledchild 2 years ago 2
Part 2
Oh yeah, and I just moved back to my home country after most of my friends have moved away so maybe my opinion is skewed.
:)
KinkyHairBlog 2 years ago
lol it's cool. I totally know how it feels to not have all your friends around anymore.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I don't search for friendships. Friendships just happen.
Right now I just focus on being the best me I can be and hopefully attracting the right type of people.
Regarding relationships, I tend not to let myself fall into the friend zone with men I may be interested in. (I'm rarely interested in anybody.) LoL. I don't usually take interest in complete strangers so they are usually acquaintances whose qualities are attractive.
In any case, God knows best and another good friend can't hurt.
KinkyHairBlog 2 years ago 3
Right, most friendships do just happen. How I look at it is that any type of relationship will usually happen because you're attracted to some aspect of that person. Your friends, you're attracted to their personality, etc. We want to surround ourselves with people we like, period. However, like you said, if you find yourself liking someone more romantically, you're going to do what you can to avoid platonicism. However, if it goes down that road, I'm probably going to decrease my interaction
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Hi! I'm new to your youtube channel and I know I'm off topic but your hair is really cute here. How did you do it?
libbymarshae 2 years ago
I feel the same way as you. I have enough friends same and opp sex. So at this point in my life, I'm interested in a man that I can be friends with and we're actively pursuing a relationship together as well.
vivacious1083 2 years ago
Right. As long as both parties are on the same page, everybody's good lol.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
i like ur clothes....
xflashinLITESx 2 years ago
i agree 300%
you dont want to be in a relationship with the male friends you already have, so your looking for a relationship
like everyone wants what they dont already have
differentchick5 2 years ago
(cont)... this means that when I meet a guy or show interest, I have no intentions of putting him in the friend box. While there is nothing wrong with starting off as friends, I believe it should be clear that we like each other and are getting to know each other to date etc. Men on the other hand have diff. motives and welcome female friends more friendly, because they look at them as hopefully potential girlfriends and if the girl doesn't like them, maybe they'll change their minds eventually!
strike8490 2 years ago 2
That's a fantastic explanation. Thanks for sharing that :)
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I'm in my mid twenties as well and this topic comes up a lot! If I'm single and I meet a guy, it's like HELLOOOO I'm not interested in making any new friends, I already have enough male friends I'm cool with and I am not interested in adding anymore. I want a person that when I meet it's going to be more than a friendship, if not then I don't want to even talk to them. When you are a woman of a certain age and you're single by that time you have a good amount of friends of both sexes and..(cont)
strike8490 2 years ago
If you're not married yet...HELL YEA! At that point you don't want to be bothered with that anymore unless he's a long time friend. I can't be bothered with that ish.
futnyors 2 years ago
I agree. In my mid 20s, I only made the effort to befriend men with long term relationship potential. I didn't put energy into men that didn't meet that criteria. Time was of the essence; I couldnt be frivolous with my time. My girlfriends who did the opposite shooting the breeze with whoever, hanging out with guys knowing they had no future potential; they are still single and not happy about it. My theory is that the potentials were crowded out assuming these women had no time for them.
britChickInUSA 2 years ago
And that's definitely definitely a good way to put it. Thanks for contributing to WLTOW.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
growing up i had mainly male friends but now that i'm older i prefer mainly females friends becuz i would never want my man with a lot of female friends just like my man may not want a lot of male friends around his woman. i know u should trust ur partner but sometimes ur partner is not the only one u need 2 b worried about u know.
jerseygirl149 2 years ago
Preach!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Great topic...1st my very bff is a man. We've never dated we just clicked on a friendship level out the gate in college. I'm 34 and I prefer to be friends first. If it grows into something more than so be it. I don't actively seek out platonic friendships with men, however, the most important friendships I have with men develop in the most natural and unexpected way. I try not to block my blessings.
nikkimo75 2 years ago
Very true, and that's something important to remember. I don't mean you completely cut someone off if you don't feel a connection romantically. However, your actions and effort might change and that can determine how much of a friend they are.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Great topic! I thought it was just me! I'll be 25 in a few short months,in the last few months I've found myself accessing my friendships. Since most of my friends are male they don't understand why things have to change. I feel like it's not going anywhere so what's point.
BlqBarB 2 years ago
I agree, things have to change sooner or later.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I'm 26 and still single. I feel that same as you do. I don't need any male friends around crowding my life. I just want one!!!!!11 When I begin to realize that all we could have is a friendship, I distance myself from them. Go be friends with someone else!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
mishel1220 2 years ago 2
Cosign
Men still act a damn fool when they are over 30 too.
ksha 2 years ago 2
As a 44-year-old, it's best to start off as friends, and have fun learning what that person is all about. It takes the pressure off. Men can smell desperation a mile away. Now after saying that, if you both have a mutual attraction for each other, then I say go for the gold and be in a relationship.
TekoaG 2 years ago
Oh totally, friends is always the best way to start out. Thanks for contributing to WLTOW!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
#1 No #2 Yes #3 Yes. W/ classmates, co-workers, & even neighborhood friendships, U should have enough friends by now (speaking if ur in ur twenties on up). Men (and some women even) are not thinking about just being a platonic friend, & the word friend is used so loosely these days. A "can we be friends" may not mean I want to get to know U so we could establish a long term relationship, it may mean I want to get to know U in a few mintues so we can have "benefits" attached to this friendship.
dnrhines1 2 years ago
VERY true! Thanks for bringing that to the table.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
loving the hair! Im 23 and single, my best friend is actually a guy. Since Im not looking for a relationship right now, Im ok with getting to know someone but not exclusively dating them. To your questions, yes, Im not sure, Im not sure. I guess Im not old enough to answer the last 2 yet.
kthename08 2 years ago
Right, I understand. I left this kinda vague because I wanted to solicit people's honest opinions. However, this doesn't mean you give up your current friends, nor does it mean you're like out hunting for men only to date lol. Thank you for participating! :)
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
your welcome
kthename08 2 years ago
I ended a great friendship with a man b/c he wanted to be more than just friends. I am not attracted to him that way. The next guy I "befriend" will be some1 I am looking to start a future w/. I don't need platonic male friends anymore. I feel like it's time wasted. Selfish, but true lol. I need a man who will be my friend then husband. I refuse to let a man be my friend when there could possibly be more.
KissMyButtOk 2 years ago
I have enough female friends ;I'd like a man to befriend on a strictly platonic level then for it to lead to marriage. Anyway, great first WLTOW video! Btw, I'm 24. Anyway, looking forward to next week's.
KissMyButtOk 2 years ago
Thank you for commenting. And it's okay to be selfish. You need to look out for you first. If there's anything you'd like discussed, let me know.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Great Topic. I am 29 years old and I never really thought about it but you are completely right, at our age we do not search out regular friendships. Any new friendship with the oposite sex is with the view of a posible future with that person. WOW. by the way i love your shirt.
JenJen80J 2 years ago
Thanks much. And you know, this is definitely not a conscious effort for most of us. In fact, I didn't realize until I was having this conversation a few weeks ago with my friend. It was like an epiphany. I think it naturally just happens, our brains just make that transition. It's part of the biological clock lol.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
And thanks for commenting on my shirt :)
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
So. true. I will be 27 very soon.I just feel like I'm tired of BSing around.If someone wants to just be friends thats cool.But at this point I'm seekin guys who want to be friends but potential to be more.I'm in a situation right now where I've been interested in my one friend for years and he felt the same for me at one point.But now hes made it clear that he just want to be friends. Now I kinda don't want to be friends. Its wrong but I feel we BSing around. And I'm gettin to old for the games.
Silentbutdeadly07 2 years ago
Oh yes the games. Aren't we all too old for the games? I think so.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
It's actually harder for men to be just "friends" with me. My approach to them will be the joking, caring, fun Jhia and then they start to attach their feelings where as in most cases, I won't. I have even had some of my guy friends stop talking to me bcz I did not want to go 2 the next level with them. They could not understand why I didn't but I know what I want out of a man adn a friendship. Some of them just made the cut as "friends.
missjhia 2 years ago
I thought I was just friends with a guy in undergrad. We'd hang out and watch new movies together every now and then. We never even sat on the same couch. At the end of the semester, he confessed he wanted more and all of that was just him "putting in work and laying the foundation" Talk about surprised!
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
I think all "seeking" should be for...friendships, initially. In my experience (I'm 46), men don't usually SEEK to be platonic friends with women. Now, they may find themselves in platonic relationships, by chance...school, work, shared friends. But I have never had a man APPROACH me, for a platonic friendship.
If a man and women genuinely like each other, and they spend a lot of time together, it's quite common for one person in the duo to begin to "feel" more than just the buddy thing.
tracey3563 2 years ago 2
Agreed 100% Tracey. You have to get to know someone on a friendship level before the romance can happen, otherwise, you probably don't know the real person.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Friends are nice but yes after a while you need to think of your future and what you want it to look like. I married at 23 and have been married for 20 years. I'm glad I married when I did. God put my soul mate into my life. I'm blessed.
asimmsca 2 years ago 2
20 years! Yes that is a blessing. Congratulations and thanks for chiming in.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
Great video..ur twist n curl looks awesome!
prettysunshyne 2 years ago 2
personal experience i stopped seeking for just friendships at the age of about 20, 21 i felt like i already new what i wanted in a guy and that if a guy couldnt strickly just be friends and i new his not the one then their is NO FRIENDSHIP iam 23 know and married and me and my hubby dated for about a year and then got engaged got married may 2009 so i say if you know what you are looking for in man dont waste time with just any guy that just wants to be friends you have enough off those
diahann01 2 years ago
Wow, I hadn't imagined that females actually end friendships that they have with males once they get married. What if your best friend is a male? O_O
Hajalin 2 years ago
My bf is a male and I'd never end my friendship wit him.
Silentbutdeadly07 2 years ago
Hajalin,
You'll just have to see for yourself someday. Unfortunate as it sounds, a hetero male friend would end his friendship with you if he met a special woman. Happens all the time. Keeps the peace in a relationship.
The vast majority of hetero men have no use for platonic female friends. It is unlikely a husband is going to be down for you hanging out with another male like you do with female friends.
Men aren't stupid. They know how other males think! lol.
kimmaytube 2 years ago 4
True. I don't end my friendships with some of my best guy friends when I'm with someone nor do they end it when they're dating someone/married. However, the dynamic does change. You can't chill like you used to because obviously, someone else is taking up the majority of the time. That's just life.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
hey heather, i am 39 years old. been married, divorced, in a relationship now for 4 years. there is no time to seek out friendship with other men or women. i have enough friends. in fact, i don't spend time with the friends that i have. i agree with mmckie2000. it is inappropriate in my opinion to have "friends with people of the opposite sex". why are you creating friends with a woman... i am all you need to be focusing on!
brnize1969 2 years ago
haha. and that is true, I got a full time, adult job for the first time, and you're right, I don't have time for my best friends now let alone making new ones.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago
When i was 25, 21yrs ago lol, i was already married didn't have years to play with had already been in army at 17, and started working as a correctional officer now retired two children later had'em at 28,30. I had enough friends i was ready for my husband and fam life don't give you time to play with a bunch of "friends" You know what you want so if he don't next untill you meet mr. ring, remember every min you breath make it count for your good. Get your ring girl lol....
msbuns 2 years ago 2
lol. Thanks much. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
ItsMsHeatherNicole 2 years ago