Dan Savage on What to Expect From a Gay Roommate

[GaaraSabuka]

I never put on a vocal act to hide my sexuality, but i did put on a behavioural act, acting less flamboyant infront of people than behind closed doors and since I've been out I act the same now when the door is open than when I have it closed (except when my bf is over ;P)

[sdarms111]

Dammit I wish I was as good a public speaker as Dan. He makes his points so well, salted with a ton of humor that keeps the audiences engaged. He's a really bright guy.

[MarkusHomer]

The word pathetic...he said that with "the gay voice" ^^

[Redst100]

FIERCE FIERCE POZ

[Snoep76239]

Does Betty Crocker have a recipe for Straight Cake? LMFAO

[BlackJacketJones]

fuck-damn i like this guy

[welaughindoors91]

He didn't really answer the question though...

I mean it was a stupid question but it was never addressed

[ErikWithBrain]

@welaughindoors91 I think he saw through the question to see that it was really about fear and not just curiosity. "omg what do I do? he's super gay!" not "hey I don't really know many gay people, what sort of things should I expect behaviorwise?"

[shonuffgonza]

I'm a woman with a deep voice. I tried to soften it for like a day in high school but it's too deep and people noticed the shift. Oh well, to this day, people still call me sir on the phone.

[Caryatides]

Am I the only one who's kind of turned off by his plentiful use of the word 'faggot'? As a gay guy, I'm not really into that.

[GeorgeMaier]

@Caryatides I understand your point entirely, I think his aim is likely to desensitise it, make it not a word to be used with offence. Leading by example. But your displeasure in him using it is totally justifiable, especially as it causes so much hurt and offence to people on a regular basis.

[Snoep76239]

@Caryatides It's kinda like black dudes using the N-bomb....

[specialk1988]

I have to say, I tend to think there's nothing wrong with really camp gay guys even if it is an affectation. What is being super macho but an act of a different flavour? It's all an act, all learned behaviour of some sort, and the denigration of camp guys is patently a power play thing.

[sillykatz]

This is true! I mean that. I just came out as lesbian three weeks ago and though I do admit that I'm not super gay ( I would bone Johnny Depp, Sacha Dhawan, David Tennant and Matt Smith, look them up) I am still super duper proud and trying to figure this all out! I'm learning a lot and I really do believe that when ever you come out, no matter what it is, it's like you are going through puberty again! That's how I'm feeling, like I'm going through gay puberty!

[maarakailet1]

@sillykatz I'll fight you for David Tennant! LOL Anyway... I have not come out to close family but am pretty much out to my friends and it made me mad when I was called a "butch, bull-dyke" (yes that came out of someone's mouth) It was the first time I thought that maybe affectations weren't, because in my mind I'd done nothing to portray being more or less gay. I was just walking to class.

[sillykatz]

@maarakailet1 BRING IT ON!!! LOL!!! Just joking, we can take turns with David Tennant!

[maarakailet1]

@sillykatz LOL

[sillykatz]

@maarakailet1 I also meant to say before my mom came into the room that I was sorry that others called you bull dyke! I even have gay friends who use that term, not on me but on other very butch lesbians. I hate the word dyke, I was taunted on the playground in the 5th grade with that word. I'm not even butch and they did it to me!

[maarakailet1]

@sillykatz I'm still not sure what I did that made them say that. It could have been just throwing words around to spiteful, because I don't consider myself particularly masculine. That being said, my mother tries *very* hard to make me more feminine. The make-up, the dresses, the girly movies... *shrug* This is what happens with a one-size-fits-all mentality.

[sillykatz]

@maarakailet1 people drive me crazy sometimes. I feel that I am a lesbian because I don't want to date a man or be with a man romantically, but I do think some guys are hot. I get hell from my gay friends for that, even they have that one size fits all mentality, so sad!

[wformer]

Fierce. Fierce. Pose.

So incorporating that into my life

[Riskyotter]

You should expect to find lube in the strangest places and on the strangest things. Don't confront him about it, just clean it up.

[squamish4244]

Unfortunately there still seem to be way too many guys in the "extremely straight" frat-boy stage twenty or thirty years later. Guys who have to make sure everyone knows they're manly men, or crazy 50-year-olds who somehow believe women in their twenties want them. But thankfully for a lot more it passes, like Dan says.

[Rosethecomposer]

@squamish4244 I know what you mean. My sister's new husband is exactly the type of 28-year-old overgrown fratboy Dan is talking about... His only interest (literally) is beer and he has a "man cave" full of pictures from Playboy magazines. He's not attractive either, so no one can understand what she sees in him.

[TheSinforhim]

i've listened to this about 50 times over the past 3 days..... it never gets old.

[nosferatudasvampir]

This guy is basically incompetent giving out advice, talking about gender, understanding human behaviour and - let's face it - telling you to live your life out and proud. I would sooner take advice from a fierce flag waving obnoxious queen than this geneticist gender fascist assimilationist. Queer vision dies a sad death every time this mainstreaming gay speaks his mind.

He should turn to stand up comedy and leave it at that. Because that's what his advice is. A joke.

[DeadButBreathing]

@nosferatudasvampir I disagree. Many valid points he has. Who would you prefer to listen to?

[SexyMelon]

Or maybe we all have different behaviours and tastes in life regardless of our sexuality, and gay people just do "that" because, well, if you're out and out, fuck social norms.

[heykaybee3]

Dan Savage, you're epic. 

[MrGurglegurgle]

Fucked in Space is AWSOME! and so is: "LIVE! with Doctor Scuba 

[XiaoGui17]

@berkati

Japanese, German, and Indonesian? Seriously, wtf? And what are you rattling on about, anyway?

[Stormybabe17]

Yaaay you fixed the lagging!!!

[bluepinkyellogreen]

I <3 Dan Savage

[ThePlayForToday]

i promise he won't rape you in the middle of the night.

unless he does.

[ccm800]

"Expect a lot of hair care products with pubic hair on them HAHHAHAAAA"

[garycalgary]

wow is he fuckin judgemental.

Wonder if he will be pathetic at 40

what a fuckin ass!

[veganallie]

I'm surprised he didn't rip this girl apart for being such a homophobe

[lasalle1alpha]

does Dan have any videos about the "Gendering" in homosexual relationships?

y'know, that instances where people ask "who's the Man" in a gay relationship?

[TOURSGMD]

"Extremely gay" what does that mean?

I demand all my partners meet the vagina prerequisit, doesn't that kind of make me extremely straight.

[TXT429]

it is the diff between the ok to hang out with "Neil Patrick Harris" gay as opposed to wanna punch in the face "Perez Hilton" gay

[MrNarutokami]

out of sync?

[xTRUExHATEx]

N'SYNC

[A3roboy]

out of sync?

[A3roboy]

out of sync?

[happeningfish77]

"An inch of gay frosting on a foot-thick straight cake" is my new favourite thing ever.

[rocco420]

@happeningfish77 "queen mary floating in a tub of lube."

[Snoep76239]

@happeningfish77 Dan just wanted an excuse to say "foot-thick"... LMFAO

[TrueSoreThumb]

Re-upload with the fixed, re-synchronized audio!! ahhhh!!!

[bunnyJumpsuit]

I'm pretty sure he meant people who are STILL waving rainbow flags at 38, 10 years after they came out. I know them, they're tedious. Coming out should be a stage, not a vocation.

[rtfirefly0]

I think he was talking about people who came out at 20 but were still acting like they did when they just came out 10 years later, not people who had only just come out when they were 28 and were waving the flag for the first time.

[Ongarukat]

*hugs* This is awesome. Thank you for pointing out how annoying the "flamers" are--if the best someone can do is act out a stereotype, they shouldn't be surprised that everyone else in the room is avoiding them.

[BentonRox]

actually I believe his point was that we need those flamers they "help make the world go round." Christian, the "fierce, fierce, pose" who won Project Runway, was--and presumably is--an great example of someone who is brave and confident and an excellent role model. Annoying at times, sure, but also generous fun, kind, and insanely talented at something boys are not "supposed" to be good at. They do make the world go round. They make us honestly face our own prejudices and make us become better.

[Ongarukat]

Yes, but there's a huge difference between people who are stereotypically gay because that's who they are, and people who act that way because they think it's how gay people "have" to act. It's important for everyone to evaluate his/her own personality and be him/herself. You can't be yourself if you're hung up on what's "expected" of you. That's what I mean by "act out a stereotype"--they're so focused on the stereotype, they never bothered to discovered their true selves.

[kosmicslop]

May I suggest you listen to Dan's audio essay on "This American Life". In it he talks about his disdain for gay men always wanting "straight-acting" men and demonizing feminine men. He even suggests that it's the flamers who are the brave ones because of the shit they have to get from both bigoted straight people and self-hating gays.

[Roxxi33]

is it just me or is the audio completely out of sync?

[castodivo]

It not just you. I wish "dansavage" would fix it -- especially with all the gesticulating funness!

[BLAHBLAH111188]

love, love, love you dan

[CGH2366]

I love u dan :p

[Lacoux]

: )

[littleoutrage]

I tried just putting in the :) but it wouldn't let me make a comment so short...

:)

[beccyjoe]

of all the people ive never met i love you more than anyone dan savage, so funny and so wise

[tranxendentalist]

oh dan savage, ur the best.