I'm a 39 yr old woman who is working on my degree to become a mentor & an activist for child abuse..I'm a survivor of incest from the age of 2 from hands of a person that i thought i could trust .. awareness cannot stop..The pain and suffering that "us" victims face is a day to day battle..I might be strong now,but it was through the grace of my husband i'm here today w/ his love & support & the years of counsling.Now it's my job to help others know that they don't have to be alone ..
@lovepeacecharity1 I'm very glad to hear you have a supportive husband, the counselling you needed and that you are training to support others who have been through this. People like yourself who have personal experience of abuse can offer so much. Thanks for sharing.
There seem to be layers and layers to the sexual wounds I received in childhood. So, I have been in numerous types of therapeutic situations to deal with the distressing feelings that continue to emerge over the years. There is a video on YouTube, Sexual Abuse, Anger, Rage, Feeling Worthless that helps now. EFT and Inner Family System therapy, also. Good luck to us all.
i was wondering what i said down there does that mean i was a victim of sex abuse? i didn't know what i was doin thou. i didn't cry. and im a guy too.
@shqiperiany Clearly it was abuse, but what really matters is the impact it's had on you, whether it makes you fearful of relationships, self loathing, guilty etc.
@Loreleila honestly it does makes me fearful of relationships. im 17 now goin 18 in a month and i have never kissed a girl or been in a relationship. i never though what he did to me would be the cause of me bein fearful of bein in a relationship with another girl (im straight) i hav never told this to anybdy. if i told me mom or dad. they would straight up kil me and call me gay and kick me out of the house or whatever. (im not gay thou, i love pussy). i have low self esteem because of him?
@shqiperiany It's quite natural to be a little fearful of relationships and it would be hard to say exactly how much what happened to you has influenced this. I'm saddened however to hear that your parents would blame you for what happened, when realistically it couldn't have been your fault. However, do think about that, because most victims of abuse have that same untrue fear. It might help if you found one trusted person to talk this through with. You should be able to find a way past it.
@Loreleila you are right . it is natural. it hasn't affected me.. i didn't speak english back then. i though it was normal. i don't think about it everyday thou. only every time i hear the word "abuse" i never though it'd happen to me especially comin from my own countrymen. is it natural not to be affected? i don't have any trusted person to talk about it.. i feel like tellin someone but i think they won't be my friend anymore or they'l tell another person. and i don't have any close friends
so i gave him a handjob for a few minutes.. the thing is i didn't know what i was doin. i was just doin what he told me. i know what he said was kinda weird. but i always wanted to become a profesional soccer player.. i guess thats why he said that. after that i never went to his apartament again. ( i lived above him) i never seen him since he moved out which was a few months after. i don't really think of it everydya but everytime i think of sex abuse i think thats what he did to me.
can someone help me? i don't know if this is related to sex abuse but this is my story... one day i went to my neighbors apartment, and i was chillin with my neighbor. i was 9 or 10 and he was like 16yrs old. i remember that we both got naked and sat in the bathroom tub naked.( there was water in the tub) so after that we went to the bedroom and i gave him a handjob.... he said to me "if you want me to become a profesional socer player, give me a handjob" i remember it was somethin like that.
I am going for help,,,after 27 years later...I can't help but feel that I always felt alone..Now I'm a 31 year old man and I have nightmares which has lead to PTDS...And i always felt sick...It's time this is spoken out about..I can't say anymore
@leahcharliephillips I would recommend you think who you might be able to tell and talk it through with, then do so. It's important. though I can quite understand why you (and many others) keep silent.
@leahcharliephillips i am 37, i wish i had have told someone at your age, or even earlier... my life went so far of the rails, man i am so lucky still to be here.. get help. Anonymous help is available. if you dont wish to name the abuser, dont, but please, for your lifes sake, talk to someone who is qualified in the area, a proffessional is a must. peace ;)
Most times it's a case of one step forward, two steps back. Throughout the healing process there have been times when I felt I had fought the last fight with my demons, then something new comes along. It's like the depression is always there in the background, but it's form has altered some. I have to find new ways of learning and gain a deeper understanding of new behaviours/thoughts before I can work on them. It can be very frustrating, although it's taught me so much. Thank you :)
If one decides to speak out, it's important that it's to the right person/s. In my own experience, I spoke to the wrong person and this resulted in me being sexually assaulted again in adulthood. I'm still fighting with myself, as I am now aware of and struggling with the term, 'revictimization'. In saying this I have been fortunate enough to have connected with two amazing counselors who specialize in the area of sexual abuse. I do believe I will get through this, I am aware now. Keep going :)
@fuckoffycus I agree, and I'm very sorry you had to endure further abuse. I am howeever delighted you have now found real support, and wish you the very best in moving through this, which I'm sure you will, however it may sometimes feel otherwise.
Thank you for speaking out about sexual abuse and helping so many victims! I'm just one of many that are trying to break the silence and fight for our lives. It's so hard to speak about it when there is no one to speak to.
You're most welcome. Keep going. As you say there are many out there and you need a platform, otherwise how is this ever going to change? Breaking the silence is in many ways the biggest step.
Yes its extremely hard to do..... I'm in my 30's and am in therapy for the 3rd time to finally come to terms with it.... it's confusing, painful, lonely and very difficult but I have to believethat i will reclaim my life and start living again. X
In reply to Fallin2pieces.... stayin silent means that ur dad has won..... why protect him when your the one who's going through hell??? Staying silent protects abusers.... you cant keave the past in the past until you've spoken out and come to terms with it.... SPEAK OUT everyone..... hard and all that it is
staying silent keeps it hidden....i couldnt stand it if sum1 else knew what goes on. for my sake and my dads. i dont get why saying sumthin is so much better.
I was abused from the age 7-14, by my godfather. I am now 15, and well..I'm left with the mess he made. At times I feel so alone, even though I have friends who are there for me. They try to understand, but they can't possibly understand.
I'm glad if it gave you something, and sorry you had to endure that. Finding a voice is really important. I wish you the strength to do that more. Don't let what happened prevent you from being who you need to be.
Thank you for making this video. I am sure that it has helped a lot of sexually abused victims like me to understand what they are going through and urge them to speak out and break free from their suffering...
i'm a guy i was sexual abused by my father when i was
6 - 13 years old every day, every morning every night i suffred then when i turned 13 my grandma wanted me to come see her so i did she wanted me to tell her the whole story of my life, she wanted to knwo everything my greatest moments of my life, i said to her
"I haven't had one greatest moment of my life" then i told her the whole story, My Grandma Did EVERYTHING SHE COULD TO PUT MY DAD IN JAIL FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, then she did
my sister and me ,were sexually abused by my mother's brother when we were kids, as an older sister I was unable to protect her, over 15 years later we finally set down and had an honest conversation about it, finally I had the courage to tell my closest friends and especially my mother, I've been having lots of flashbacks since then, I feel very guilty,but the healing process has started for me and hopefully one day i wil leave this behind me. I'm very glad I watched this, thank you
Thank you for sharing some of your story. The more that do the less easily this sort of thing can carry on. I too hope one day you can leave this behind, wish you safe passage through. Take care, no guilt necessary.
I cried watching and listening to this i was sexually abused by my father from 7 til 14, i have always blamed myself and class myself as "used & damaged goods" i pressed charges on him but he walked free i am the one that locks myself away from the world
I'm so sorry to hear this. Any words I offer will sound like platitudes, but I hope you can begin to take the journey towards realising you are not responsible and of so much more worth than this led you to believe.
My grandfather did everything. He touched every inch of me and my sister, AT LEAST. He french kissed my sister when she was two. He stuck a hand down my shirt when I was 13, and I and my therapist are exploring a memory that might be him penetrating me when I was five, at my birthday party.
I told, age 15. The investigators said the abuse occured, was "Inappropriate, but not illegal".
Case dropped.
Victims are lucky to get probation on their offender.
How appalling, both that it happened and that 'justice' (I'm not sure anything can atone for such a thing) was not done. I hope you find a way to make your life a success and prevent him from stealing any more of your precious time from you.
petitionagainstabuse, i don't know if death is the most rational decision, however, i agree, that they need harsher punishment. Pediphile and child abuse get less time that theives and tax evaders, or at least thats how seems. i saw this things on youtube about a kid who caught a man with a 40 year record of arrest for child sexual abuse at disneyland. why do they keep letting people out to ruin more childrens, lives, i don't know. It makes you wonder. doesn't it.
The mandatory sentence for child abusers & child murderers should be death! They shouldnt get put into prison for a short period of time with other perverts and monsters where they can gather information and new ideas on what to do next time. visit my page an follow the link to my website theres a petition for Jareds Law asking for the mandatory sentence to be death OR life without parole. We need as many signatures as we can get look at the children on the memorial pages, they deserve justice
I'm not sure I agree with you, though I support your outrage at the lenient sentences many such people get. But it's a complex issue. Many abusers were abused. I hope we can begin to find constructive ways to address this issue so that it happens less and less, and those damaged by it get the help they need. It needs to stop being taboo, and those who suffered encouraged to educate others on the effects and consequences.
As harsh as it is I agree with you. Even if they were abused as children they still should not be given mercy. They took a child and destroyed that child. That child will never be the same again. That child will never be totally at peace ever again. That child will never be a child again. In effect the abuser killed the child that was. Death is to good.
I'm glad for those who are able to speak out. It is the first step towards healing. Why should we hide what these awful people did to us? It was a crime, as bad as murder because in a way it kills years from our lives that we can never get back. We wouldn't want this to happen to others and the only way to stop it is to make people more aware, I know as a victim that we try to block it out and it might be shameful, but silence does not prevent the problem, speak out, tell your story!
I was sexually abused by my father as a young boy of 6 yrs. (well over thirty years ago) and I'm still very much experiencing the effects of that one devastating experience. I believe a lot of how a person recovers from such an experience has to do with recovering their voice of righteous indignation which is so important to have as a human being. Thank you for helping me in my journey to try to recover that voice.
Thank you for the response to my comment. And thank you for the respect that you show to people who have been sexually abused and to those who comment about your video. I would just like to add (in order to maybe help someone)that there is an insightful video interview on Youtube of a psychiatrist (Judith Herman) who specializes in the treatment of sexual abuse victims. She talks about how a "Political/Social Context" is needed in order to heal. An interesting video for any abuse survivor.
I tried to send the link to you, but since I'm not that internet savvy it didn't work. But I can tell you that the video can be found by Youtoubing "Judith Herman", and what will come up is an interview on the series "Conversations with History". This is the video I was referring to.
Thank you Loreleila, for catalyzing something this important. I especially thank you for posting this video as a response to that soulless television talking head O'Reilly. His ignorant comments are nothing less than what one would expect from the mind of a religious fundamentalist who speaks of the compassion of a mythical messiah but cannot even practice what he preaches.
You're welcome. I find it interesting that it is often those who are least well informed who are the most vociferous. I was appalled at the statements this guy made, whatever his beliefs, not only because they showed a complete lack of understanding of what he was talking about, but the fact that this sort of drivel only serves to make those who need a voice remain silent. It is those who have suffered this who can truly educate the rest of us and work towards its cessastion.
Once some sadistic fool hurts you physically or sexually, it takes you down a path, however short, that will change your references forever. You need not fear that you'll never get married or have children (they're both overrated anyway), if doing so is really what you want. Perhaps doing "all the things that 'normal people' do" is no longer such a high priority. You have to focus on your healing for now. Other things fall into place when/if they're right.
i had something ver bad on this level happen to me 15 years ago and now im 20,iv only told 1 friend what happened and no family members,to this day i am terrified of any and all men,its terrible that i want to be with a guy but i cant get over what happened so long ago
Find someone to talk to, someone you can trust, whether it's a therapist, a friend, family member. Don't let this person win, or destroy your life. You can make a future and your life can be more than this. I wish you happiness.
Berries, you never will get over what happened completely. What will change is how you acknowledge what happened to you and how you choose to create your future. I'm speaking as an individual that was horribly tortured and sexually abused in my youth. It stays with you forever, creates something in you that can never be erased. What is important is how you care for that thing it creates. Fear cannot be the only thing you feed it.
hello, i just want to say thank you for your video. I was molested by my uncle when i was 6 and have only told one person. I still havent told anyone in my family though. I am now 22. it hurts to keep something like this inside for so long.
I guess i just wanted to say thank you, for everything you are doing to help people like me. Thank you so much.
You're welcome. I wish I could do more. Yes, it hurts badly to keep pain like that locked up. I do hope you manage to find somewhere to express it as you need.Thank you for your sharing here, it helps others who come. :)
As cliche as it sounds, you're not alone. What happened was not something you could prevent. It wasn't your fault. There are so many sick individuals out there hurting others. You suffered under that sickness. But you don't have to be a victim. You're strong, or you wouldn't be here today. Feed on that strength.
hi, im 18 and i live in the unk too. I was raped when i was 7 years old on a train, unfortunately at that time no one was on that carriage. . . im still left with scars from his fingernails and i had brusies. I just wanted to say, i totally honour your video on this, its really nice to hear what you had to say, it was very positive. Im just glad you have spoken about this, as it ruined my childhood. . . . thank you x
I'm glad you found it helpful, and thank you for sharing your story here. I hope you find a way to become stronger through what hapened to you, and that you have people you can speak of it with.
As George Orwell said, it seems to be instinctive with children, from the age of seven, not to tell adults what's really on their minds. I don't recall telling anyone what happened to me at that age--but then, that whole era is kind of a blank! Even if it doesn't last 4 years, as with that poor boy in Missouri, I can attest that sexual abuse can blight one's life for decades. I'm always glad to hear serious, constructive discussion of the subject.
Good points, and thank you for commenting. I know that blight can last many years, if not a lifetime. I hope those who dare to speak up can begin to change these awful patterns.
It's soul murder. What can one do for the victim? Some turn into the walking dead and others are able to pull themselves together and move on. Even going through all the "right steps" with a victim can't bring back those who don't want be resurrected, so to speak. Hence, we focus on the soul murderer.
Powerful statement, and phrase. I see your point. Yet some I have known who have suffered this, often for many years, contain such a depth of soul, bear so much more in some respects than those who have not, reach out within, into the darkness, that their souls seem larger than life rather than non existant. But yes, a desire to be 'resurrected' must not only be present, but their driving force and soul song.
I have a close friend who was repeatedly sexually abused which resulted in her developing a rather extreme psychological condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. In her case, she never (to this day) even told her parents what had happened because of fear of being told it was her own fault. Even though intellectually she knows that being naive does not justify what happened, she still feels like she invited or deserved it. Sad:-(
It is sad. Perhaps you should encourage her to watch this video, or explore the topic more widely. It is possible to break through that belief, even if it is very hard to do.
It has become more common here in the states to focus on helping victims rather than just on prosecuting abusers/criminals. Maybe that's even the most important part. Criminals need to be stopped but it doesn't just end with the crime itself because the whole family may need help afterwards.
I'm glad to hear it. The trouble is it can often be a family member who did it.One thing that is happening here quite a lot is that prosecutions are being brought many years later, and all sorts of horrendous family connections and abuse continuing that couldn't have if those involved had spoken up at the time.
exactly what i said,you can complain to the people in power in these places, do you think they will listen to a women or girl whoes been raped by her grandad
I would never suggest a child should speak to someone 'in power'.That would only serve to add the their humiliation. I was referring more to telling a sister, family friend, teacher, aunt etc. Even if they cannot prevent it, to have someone to share with can help a great deal.
I don't think it's easy to disclose wherever you are;if you consider most people will not want to believe it of possibly a close family member or a person in a position of trust. I still think it's important to seek help, and to attempt to put a stop to it, wherever you live.
Im also curious why people are pedophiles...I belive its a sexual attraction and alot of evidence shows they dont do it to be sadistic but just because they are attracted to them, and evidence shows they can never get over this attraction ever...thats troubling
I think it has many causes. I wouldn't want to dismiss the one you suggest, though it's totelly dysfunctional in natural terms; but power, the desire to hurt and control, the fact they were abused themselves, a strange and distorted view of sexuality and sin, there are so many possible factors. But yes, that they cannot change is troubling. Perhaps at some point this can be explored here.
well just because its immoral and it is dosent mean it couldnt be natural...some animals eat there offspring, which is immoral but its natural for them..i dont know though, there should be some unbias research into this topic, and if there is id like to see.
You raise some important but difficult points. What exactly is immorality, and how closely is it related to our natural tendencies? Animals will eat their offspring to protect the majority, killing those who may be diseased or weak. It's natural, and perhaps not even immoral.
I honestly don't know if it would be possible to do unbiased research into this topic. There are so many factors, and those involved may well not even know their own motives let alone wish to express them.If you come across any you consider to be unbiased I'd be very interested to see it however.
well when ever i research something my motives are the truth, not for one side or the other...my biggest question is if it is natural or not, the most troubling factor is that its an attraction they cant get over..so i mean if theyre abused how would that make them attracted?
Me too.If one doesn't dare seek truth reasearch has little point.
Your question is central to this whole issue. It appears that being abused causes one of two (general) responses. One is to find the whole thing abhorrent, to do whatever it takes to avoid or prevent.
The other is to incorporate it into the 'norm'; it is learned behaviour,conditioning, and the past is justified by its repetition and stroking of the psyche that it must be alright. So in a way they are probably not attracted, but seeking to avoid their own wounds.
Well my code of what is moral or not is if your action benefits you or makes you happy without hurting others or makeing them unhappy...so killing your offspring in my opinion would be immoral because it hurts the other animal even if it does benefit the majority..
That kind of morality I can relate to. :) It makes a whole lot more sense than the 'thou shalt not' variety.But even that isn't simple. I'm not sure whether to kill a creature that would otherwise die a slow and painful death is immoral or not. But it's one of those things one could debate endlessly. I certainly see where you're coming from.
Very, and the impacts and effects thereafter. The question here is even with the quasi anonimity of this medium whether those harmed by it will dare speak up, give themselves a voice.
I'm a 39 yr old woman who is working on my degree to become a mentor & an activist for child abuse..I'm a survivor of incest from the age of 2 from hands of a person that i thought i could trust .. awareness cannot stop..The pain and suffering that "us" victims face is a day to day battle..I might be strong now,but it was through the grace of my husband i'm here today w/ his love & support & the years of counsling.Now it's my job to help others know that they don't have to be alone ..
lovepeacecharity1 2 months ago
@lovepeacecharity1 I'm very glad to hear you have a supportive husband, the counselling you needed and that you are training to support others who have been through this. People like yourself who have personal experience of abuse can offer so much. Thanks for sharing.
Loreleila 2 months ago
Comment removed
lovepeacecharity1 2 months ago
There seem to be layers and layers to the sexual wounds I received in childhood. So, I have been in numerous types of therapeutic situations to deal with the distressing feelings that continue to emerge over the years. There is a video on YouTube, Sexual Abuse, Anger, Rage, Feeling Worthless that helps now. EFT and Inner Family System therapy, also. Good luck to us all.
Persephone9ish 2 months ago
@Persephone9ish It does seem to be a multilayered issue and those suffering to have the determination and drive to keep going. I wish you well.
Loreleila 2 months ago
i was wondering what i said down there does that mean i was a victim of sex abuse? i didn't know what i was doin thou. i didn't cry. and im a guy too.
shqiperiany 6 months ago
@shqiperiany Clearly it was abuse, but what really matters is the impact it's had on you, whether it makes you fearful of relationships, self loathing, guilty etc.
Loreleila 6 months ago
@Loreleila honestly it does makes me fearful of relationships. im 17 now goin 18 in a month and i have never kissed a girl or been in a relationship. i never though what he did to me would be the cause of me bein fearful of bein in a relationship with another girl (im straight) i hav never told this to anybdy. if i told me mom or dad. they would straight up kil me and call me gay and kick me out of the house or whatever. (im not gay thou, i love pussy). i have low self esteem because of him?
shqiperiany 6 months ago
@shqiperiany It's quite natural to be a little fearful of relationships and it would be hard to say exactly how much what happened to you has influenced this. I'm saddened however to hear that your parents would blame you for what happened, when realistically it couldn't have been your fault. However, do think about that, because most victims of abuse have that same untrue fear. It might help if you found one trusted person to talk this through with. You should be able to find a way past it.
Loreleila 6 months ago
@Loreleila you are right . it is natural. it hasn't affected me.. i didn't speak english back then. i though it was normal. i don't think about it everyday thou. only every time i hear the word "abuse" i never though it'd happen to me especially comin from my own countrymen. is it natural not to be affected? i don't have any trusted person to talk about it.. i feel like tellin someone but i think they won't be my friend anymore or they'l tell another person. and i don't have any close friends
shqiperiany 6 months ago
so i gave him a handjob for a few minutes.. the thing is i didn't know what i was doin. i was just doin what he told me. i know what he said was kinda weird. but i always wanted to become a profesional soccer player.. i guess thats why he said that. after that i never went to his apartament again. ( i lived above him) i never seen him since he moved out which was a few months after. i don't really think of it everydya but everytime i think of sex abuse i think thats what he did to me.
shqiperiany 6 months ago
can someone help me? i don't know if this is related to sex abuse but this is my story... one day i went to my neighbors apartment, and i was chillin with my neighbor. i was 9 or 10 and he was like 16yrs old. i remember that we both got naked and sat in the bathroom tub naked.( there was water in the tub) so after that we went to the bedroom and i gave him a handjob.... he said to me "if you want me to become a profesional socer player, give me a handjob" i remember it was somethin like that.
shqiperiany 6 months ago
I am going for help,,,after 27 years later...I can't help but feel that I always felt alone..Now I'm a 31 year old man and I have nightmares which has lead to PTDS...And i always felt sick...It's time this is spoken out about..I can't say anymore
dunderklumpen1979 9 months ago
@dunderklumpen1979 I sincerely hope you find some good help.
Loreleila 9 months ago
@Loreleila
dunderklumpen1979 9 months ago
i kept mine a secret for 6 years from my mum and everyone and im 16 :( i want help but i dont talk to people
leahcharliephillips 9 months ago
@leahcharliephillips I would recommend you think who you might be able to tell and talk it through with, then do so. It's important. though I can quite understand why you (and many others) keep silent.
Loreleila 9 months ago
@Loreleila thank you so much your a really nice person :) xx
leahcharliephillips 9 months ago
@leahcharliephillips i am 37, i wish i had have told someone at your age, or even earlier... my life went so far of the rails, man i am so lucky still to be here.. get help. Anonymous help is available. if you dont wish to name the abuser, dont, but please, for your lifes sake, talk to someone who is qualified in the area, a proffessional is a must. peace ;)
boazandjiacinth 7 months ago
@boazandjiacinth thanks so much but i dont like talking and im sorry for what happened to u to xx
leahcharliephillips 7 months ago
@leahcharliephillips i meant professional help, and dont take that the wrong way..thanks for recognising my pain, peace be with you ;)
boazandjiacinth 6 months ago
@boazandjiacinth oh right lol sos and its ok ;) xx same to you
leahcharliephillips 6 months ago
Most times it's a case of one step forward, two steps back. Throughout the healing process there have been times when I felt I had fought the last fight with my demons, then something new comes along. It's like the depression is always there in the background, but it's form has altered some. I have to find new ways of learning and gain a deeper understanding of new behaviours/thoughts before I can work on them. It can be very frustrating, although it's taught me so much. Thank you :)
fuckoffycus 1 year ago
If one decides to speak out, it's important that it's to the right person/s. In my own experience, I spoke to the wrong person and this resulted in me being sexually assaulted again in adulthood. I'm still fighting with myself, as I am now aware of and struggling with the term, 'revictimization'. In saying this I have been fortunate enough to have connected with two amazing counselors who specialize in the area of sexual abuse. I do believe I will get through this, I am aware now. Keep going :)
fuckoffycus 1 year ago
@fuckoffycus I agree, and I'm very sorry you had to endure further abuse. I am howeever delighted you have now found real support, and wish you the very best in moving through this, which I'm sure you will, however it may sometimes feel otherwise.
Loreleila 1 year ago
Thank you for speaking out about sexual abuse and helping so many victims! I'm just one of many that are trying to break the silence and fight for our lives. It's so hard to speak about it when there is no one to speak to.
jamiemarie08 2 years ago
You're most welcome. Keep going. As you say there are many out there and you need a platform, otherwise how is this ever going to change? Breaking the silence is in many ways the biggest step.
Loreleila 2 years ago
I'm an advocate for victims of child sexual abuse. Please check out my book trailer at "The Darkest Gray" by V Lyric Parker
VLyricParker 2 years ago
Yes its extremely hard to do..... I'm in my 30's and am in therapy for the 3rd time to finally come to terms with it.... it's confusing, painful, lonely and very difficult but I have to believethat i will reclaim my life and start living again. X
hynescaroline 3 years ago
In reply to Fallin2pieces.... stayin silent means that ur dad has won..... why protect him when your the one who's going through hell??? Staying silent protects abusers.... you cant keave the past in the past until you've spoken out and come to terms with it.... SPEAK OUT everyone..... hard and all that it is
hynescaroline 3 years ago
Exactly, well said, but it is very hard to do. The journey to reclaim your life can be a painful one, but always worth it.
Loreleila 3 years ago
staying silent keeps it hidden....i couldnt stand it if sum1 else knew what goes on. for my sake and my dads. i dont get why saying sumthin is so much better.
fallin2peices 3 years ago
I was abused from the age 7-14, by my godfather. I am now 15, and well..I'm left with the mess he made. At times I feel so alone, even though I have friends who are there for me. They try to understand, but they can't possibly understand.
YOU understand.
Thank you for this video.
sarahloveshim87 3 years ago
I'm glad if it gave you something, and sorry you had to endure that. Finding a voice is really important. I wish you the strength to do that more. Don't let what happened prevent you from being who you need to be.
Loreleila 3 years ago
dear loreleila
Thank you for making this video. I am sure that it has helped a lot of sexually abused victims like me to understand what they are going through and urge them to speak out and break free from their suffering...
coolgrl30 3 years ago
I do hope so. And thank YOU for adding another voice.
Loreleila 3 years ago
i'm a guy i was sexual abused by my father when i was
6 - 13 years old every day, every morning every night i suffred then when i turned 13 my grandma wanted me to come see her so i did she wanted me to tell her the whole story of my life, she wanted to knwo everything my greatest moments of my life, i said to her
"I haven't had one greatest moment of my life" then i told her the whole story, My Grandma Did EVERYTHING SHE COULD TO PUT MY DAD IN JAIL FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, then she did
sumguy24o 3 years ago
How do you feel about what your grandma did, if you don't mind me asking?
Loreleila 3 years ago
I feelt so HAPPY, she did everything she could..
sumguy24o 3 years ago
I'm glad.
Loreleila 3 years ago
my sister and me ,were sexually abused by my mother's brother when we were kids, as an older sister I was unable to protect her, over 15 years later we finally set down and had an honest conversation about it, finally I had the courage to tell my closest friends and especially my mother, I've been having lots of flashbacks since then, I feel very guilty,but the healing process has started for me and hopefully one day i wil leave this behind me. I'm very glad I watched this, thank you
mbraz24 3 years ago
Thank you for sharing some of your story. The more that do the less easily this sort of thing can carry on. I too hope one day you can leave this behind, wish you safe passage through. Take care, no guilt necessary.
Loreleila 3 years ago
As a victim of molestation, this video touches me to the core of my heart. Thank you for this.
cnb7319 3 years ago
I'm glad. Thank you for telling me.
Loreleila 3 years ago
I cried watching and listening to this i was sexually abused by my father from 7 til 14, i have always blamed myself and class myself as "used & damaged goods" i pressed charges on him but he walked free i am the one that locks myself away from the world
alimags123 3 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. Any words I offer will sound like platitudes, but I hope you can begin to take the journey towards realising you are not responsible and of so much more worth than this led you to believe.
Loreleila 3 years ago
My grandfather did everything. He touched every inch of me and my sister, AT LEAST. He french kissed my sister when she was two. He stuck a hand down my shirt when I was 13, and I and my therapist are exploring a memory that might be him penetrating me when I was five, at my birthday party.
I told, age 15. The investigators said the abuse occured, was "Inappropriate, but not illegal".
Case dropped.
Victims are lucky to get probation on their offender.
I'm ready to kill him myself.
EspejoDeLeche 3 years ago
How appalling, both that it happened and that 'justice' (I'm not sure anything can atone for such a thing) was not done. I hope you find a way to make your life a success and prevent him from stealing any more of your precious time from you.
Loreleila 3 years ago
petitionagainstabuse, i don't know if death is the most rational decision, however, i agree, that they need harsher punishment. Pediphile and child abuse get less time that theives and tax evaders, or at least thats how seems. i saw this things on youtube about a kid who caught a man with a 40 year record of arrest for child sexual abuse at disneyland. why do they keep letting people out to ruin more childrens, lives, i don't know. It makes you wonder. doesn't it.
let me know what you think.
1077715 3 years ago
Harsh retaliation I do not think can solve this puzzle. I love this qoute.
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."
-Albert Einstein
Immediate emotional response is not a higher level of thinking
theoriginalanomaly 3 years ago
Thank you for that, very well said.
Loreleila 3 years ago
The mandatory sentence for child abusers & child murderers should be death! They shouldnt get put into prison for a short period of time with other perverts and monsters where they can gather information and new ideas on what to do next time. visit my page an follow the link to my website theres a petition for Jareds Law asking for the mandatory sentence to be death OR life without parole. We need as many signatures as we can get look at the children on the memorial pages, they deserve justice
PetitionAgainstAbuse 3 years ago
I'm not sure I agree with you, though I support your outrage at the lenient sentences many such people get. But it's a complex issue. Many abusers were abused. I hope we can begin to find constructive ways to address this issue so that it happens less and less, and those damaged by it get the help they need. It needs to stop being taboo, and those who suffered encouraged to educate others on the effects and consequences.
Loreleila 3 years ago
As harsh as it is I agree with you. Even if they were abused as children they still should not be given mercy. They took a child and destroyed that child. That child will never be the same again. That child will never be totally at peace ever again. That child will never be a child again. In effect the abuser killed the child that was. Death is to good.
Laursie68 3 years ago
I'm glad for those who are able to speak out. It is the first step towards healing. Why should we hide what these awful people did to us? It was a crime, as bad as murder because in a way it kills years from our lives that we can never get back. We wouldn't want this to happen to others and the only way to stop it is to make people more aware, I know as a victim that we try to block it out and it might be shameful, but silence does not prevent the problem, speak out, tell your story!
Sandlots1stGirl 3 years ago
Thank you for this powerful comment. I hope many read and heed it.
Loreleila 3 years ago
I was sexually abused by my father as a young boy of 6 yrs. (well over thirty years ago) and I'm still very much experiencing the effects of that one devastating experience. I believe a lot of how a person recovers from such an experience has to do with recovering their voice of righteous indignation which is so important to have as a human being. Thank you for helping me in my journey to try to recover that voice.
HaywireOnFire 3 years ago
I agree. Thank you for commenting, and hopefully showing others who pass by it is possible to find that voice.
Loreleila 3 years ago
Thank you for the response to my comment. And thank you for the respect that you show to people who have been sexually abused and to those who comment about your video. I would just like to add (in order to maybe help someone)that there is an insightful video interview on Youtube of a psychiatrist (Judith Herman) who specializes in the treatment of sexual abuse victims. She talks about how a "Political/Social Context" is needed in order to heal. An interesting video for any abuse survivor.
HaywireOnFire 3 years ago
You're welcome. If you have the link for that video I'd be happy to put it in the sidebar for this one.
Loreleila 3 years ago
I tried to send the link to you, but since I'm not that internet savvy it didn't work. But I can tell you that the video can be found by Youtoubing "Judith Herman", and what will come up is an interview on the series "Conversations with History". This is the video I was referring to.
HaywireOnFire 3 years ago
Got it, link up, thank you. :)
Loreleila 3 years ago
Thank you Loreleila, for catalyzing something this important. I especially thank you for posting this video as a response to that soulless television talking head O'Reilly. His ignorant comments are nothing less than what one would expect from the mind of a religious fundamentalist who speaks of the compassion of a mythical messiah but cannot even practice what he preaches.
arcanacodex 4 years ago
You're welcome. I find it interesting that it is often those who are least well informed who are the most vociferous. I was appalled at the statements this guy made, whatever his beliefs, not only because they showed a complete lack of understanding of what he was talking about, but the fact that this sort of drivel only serves to make those who need a voice remain silent. It is those who have suffered this who can truly educate the rest of us and work towards its cessastion.
Loreleila 4 years ago
that for the last 15 years i have thought about EVERY SINGLE DAY,im terrified that i will never get married and have children be
berries44 4 years ago
Once some sadistic fool hurts you physically or sexually, it takes you down a path, however short, that will change your references forever. You need not fear that you'll never get married or have children (they're both overrated anyway), if doing so is really what you want. Perhaps doing "all the things that 'normal people' do" is no longer such a high priority. You have to focus on your healing for now. Other things fall into place when/if they're right.
arcanacodex 4 years ago
i had something ver bad on this level happen to me 15 years ago and now im 20,iv only told 1 friend what happened and no family members,to this day i am terrified of any and all men,its terrible that i want to be with a guy but i cant get over what happened so long ago
berries44 4 years ago
Find someone to talk to, someone you can trust, whether it's a therapist, a friend, family member. Don't let this person win, or destroy your life. You can make a future and your life can be more than this. I wish you happiness.
Loreleila 4 years ago
Berries, you never will get over what happened completely. What will change is how you acknowledge what happened to you and how you choose to create your future. I'm speaking as an individual that was horribly tortured and sexually abused in my youth. It stays with you forever, creates something in you that can never be erased. What is important is how you care for that thing it creates. Fear cannot be the only thing you feed it.
arcanacodex 4 years ago
hello, i just want to say thank you for your video. I was molested by my uncle when i was 6 and have only told one person. I still havent told anyone in my family though. I am now 22. it hurts to keep something like this inside for so long.
I guess i just wanted to say thank you, for everything you are doing to help people like me. Thank you so much.
plumbdamaged 4 years ago
You're welcome. I wish I could do more. Yes, it hurts badly to keep pain like that locked up. I do hope you manage to find somewhere to express it as you need.Thank you for your sharing here, it helps others who come. :)
Loreleila 4 years ago
As cliche as it sounds, you're not alone. What happened was not something you could prevent. It wasn't your fault. There are so many sick individuals out there hurting others. You suffered under that sickness. But you don't have to be a victim. You're strong, or you wouldn't be here today. Feed on that strength.
arcanacodex 4 years ago
hi, im 18 and i live in the unk too. I was raped when i was 7 years old on a train, unfortunately at that time no one was on that carriage. . . im still left with scars from his fingernails and i had brusies. I just wanted to say, i totally honour your video on this, its really nice to hear what you had to say, it was very positive. Im just glad you have spoken about this, as it ruined my childhood. . . . thank you x
sparklingirlx 4 years ago 2
I'm glad you found it helpful, and thank you for sharing your story here. I hope you find a way to become stronger through what hapened to you, and that you have people you can speak of it with.
Loreleila 4 years ago
As George Orwell said, it seems to be instinctive with children, from the age of seven, not to tell adults what's really on their minds. I don't recall telling anyone what happened to me at that age--but then, that whole era is kind of a blank! Even if it doesn't last 4 years, as with that poor boy in Missouri, I can attest that sexual abuse can blight one's life for decades. I'm always glad to hear serious, constructive discussion of the subject.
juliuschas 4 years ago
Good points, and thank you for commenting. I know that blight can last many years, if not a lifetime. I hope those who dare to speak up can begin to change these awful patterns.
Loreleila 4 years ago
It's soul murder. What can one do for the victim? Some turn into the walking dead and others are able to pull themselves together and move on. Even going through all the "right steps" with a victim can't bring back those who don't want be resurrected, so to speak. Hence, we focus on the soul murderer.
smadewell 4 years ago 2
Powerful statement, and phrase. I see your point. Yet some I have known who have suffered this, often for many years, contain such a depth of soul, bear so much more in some respects than those who have not, reach out within, into the darkness, that their souls seem larger than life rather than non existant. But yes, a desire to be 'resurrected' must not only be present, but their driving force and soul song.
Loreleila 4 years ago
I have a close friend who was repeatedly sexually abused which resulted in her developing a rather extreme psychological condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. In her case, she never (to this day) even told her parents what had happened because of fear of being told it was her own fault. Even though intellectually she knows that being naive does not justify what happened, she still feels like she invited or deserved it. Sad:-(
compassionateman 4 years ago 3
It is sad. Perhaps you should encourage her to watch this video, or explore the topic more widely. It is possible to break through that belief, even if it is very hard to do.
Loreleila 4 years ago
a lot of victims have DID, it's a natural response to an unnatural situation
mimosa27 4 years ago
It has become more common here in the states to focus on helping victims rather than just on prosecuting abusers/criminals. Maybe that's even the most important part. Criminals need to be stopped but it doesn't just end with the crime itself because the whole family may need help afterwards.
Barklord 4 years ago
I'm glad to hear it. The trouble is it can often be a family member who did it.One thing that is happening here quite a lot is that prosecutions are being brought many years later, and all sorts of horrendous family connections and abuse continuing that couldn't have if those involved had spoken up at the time.
Loreleila 4 years ago
this doesnt ring true babe xx
popebenadict16 4 years ago
Not sure what on earth you mean. What doesn't ring true? You worked with the abused? I do every day.
Loreleila 4 years ago
exactly what i said,you can complain to the people in power in these places, do you think they will listen to a women or girl whoes been raped by her grandad
popebenadict16 4 years ago
I would never suggest a child should speak to someone 'in power'.That would only serve to add the their humiliation. I was referring more to telling a sister, family friend, teacher, aunt etc. Even if they cannot prevent it, to have someone to share with can help a great deal.
Loreleila 4 years ago
ya i think i missed out the word pakistan
popebenadict16 4 years ago
well its ok to say well tell somebody about it. but what if you live in say, pakistan its not the kind of thing you tell people about is it x
popebenadict16 4 years ago
I don't think it's easy to disclose wherever you are;if you consider most people will not want to believe it of possibly a close family member or a person in a position of trust. I still think it's important to seek help, and to attempt to put a stop to it, wherever you live.
Loreleila 4 years ago
get real women get stoned in pakistan an saudi for getting raped let alone being abused
popebenadict16 4 years ago
So just lie down and die? Accept whatever comes your way? That doesn't ring true....
Loreleila 4 years ago
try telling that to a sharia court
popebenadict16 4 years ago
Touchy subject huh..My mom is the director of a domestic violence shelter and i have met many victims so i know its a hard thing to go through
Juggaloserialeater 4 years ago
Im also curious why people are pedophiles...I belive its a sexual attraction and alot of evidence shows they dont do it to be sadistic but just because they are attracted to them, and evidence shows they can never get over this attraction ever...thats troubling
Juggaloserialeater 4 years ago
I think it has many causes. I wouldn't want to dismiss the one you suggest, though it's totelly dysfunctional in natural terms; but power, the desire to hurt and control, the fact they were abused themselves, a strange and distorted view of sexuality and sin, there are so many possible factors. But yes, that they cannot change is troubling. Perhaps at some point this can be explored here.
Loreleila 4 years ago
well just because its immoral and it is dosent mean it couldnt be natural...some animals eat there offspring, which is immoral but its natural for them..i dont know though, there should be some unbias research into this topic, and if there is id like to see.
Juggaloserialeater 4 years ago
You raise some important but difficult points. What exactly is immorality, and how closely is it related to our natural tendencies? Animals will eat their offspring to protect the majority, killing those who may be diseased or weak. It's natural, and perhaps not even immoral.
Loreleila 4 years ago
I honestly don't know if it would be possible to do unbiased research into this topic. There are so many factors, and those involved may well not even know their own motives let alone wish to express them.If you come across any you consider to be unbiased I'd be very interested to see it however.
Loreleila 4 years ago
well when ever i research something my motives are the truth, not for one side or the other...my biggest question is if it is natural or not, the most troubling factor is that its an attraction they cant get over..so i mean if theyre abused how would that make them attracted?
Juggaloserialeater 4 years ago
Me too.If one doesn't dare seek truth reasearch has little point.
Your question is central to this whole issue. It appears that being abused causes one of two (general) responses. One is to find the whole thing abhorrent, to do whatever it takes to avoid or prevent.
Loreleila 4 years ago
The other is to incorporate it into the 'norm'; it is learned behaviour,conditioning, and the past is justified by its repetition and stroking of the psyche that it must be alright. So in a way they are probably not attracted, but seeking to avoid their own wounds.
Loreleila 4 years ago
Well my code of what is moral or not is if your action benefits you or makes you happy without hurting others or makeing them unhappy...so killing your offspring in my opinion would be immoral because it hurts the other animal even if it does benefit the majority..
Juggaloserialeater 4 years ago
That kind of morality I can relate to. :) It makes a whole lot more sense than the 'thou shalt not' variety.But even that isn't simple. I'm not sure whether to kill a creature that would otherwise die a slow and painful death is immoral or not. But it's one of those things one could debate endlessly. I certainly see where you're coming from.
Loreleila 4 years ago
Very, and the impacts and effects thereafter. The question here is even with the quasi anonimity of this medium whether those harmed by it will dare speak up, give themselves a voice.
Loreleila 4 years ago