Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist

[SuperRobbie1976]

SILENCE I KILL YOU. LMMFAO. 

[kid0ftheOldblock]

I KILL YOU

[45idiotboy]

A terrifying ... Terroist

[MagicPeanut11]

im kidding, i would not kill the jews,

i would toss a penny between them

and watch them fight to the deeeeath!

i did the same thing with two catholic priests,

except i threw a small boy in the middle

and the winner had to fight michael jackson!

XD

[langedreng1]

Ellllllllloooooooo!! I am Lindsay Lohan!

[rickystardomer]

what is the other bush that he said when he was like "bush, oh i love... wait you mean the president? ughhh!" right before he put Achmed away?

[fallensadangel]

@rickystardomer the 'bush' in a girls panties. :P

[AwesomeA321]

SILENCE!!!! I KEEL YOU!!!

[xxah54nxx]

diked



[pu171103]

This guy really is one of the worst standups I've ever seen. This is probably the worst of all his characters. Nothing but a bunch of cliche, painfully obvious jokes.

[inchilada]

BUSH :D

[ghostbanger619]

i love achmed i just saw one of his programs and achmed keep telling this knock jokes and after a while achmed said in his country if i say knock knock u shut the hell up and hide! hahahaha lmfao! rolf!

[Sakura11247]

Jeff: Achmed, you really are dead...

Achmed: Are you sure?

Jeff: yes

Achmed: I just got my flu shot! *Gasp* But..If I'm dead that means I get my 72 virgins! *Looks at the crowd* Are you my virgins?....I hope not...

Jeff: Why?

Achmed: There's a bunch of ugly ass guys out there..! If this is paradise..I've been screwed!

Jeff: Did they say it would be only female vigrins?

Achmed: HOLY CRAP!

xD I love Achmed...Sometimes I forget he's a puppet....

[Kzar5678]

Is it just me or does Jeff Dunham look like that doctor from Days of our Lives? (I cant remember his name lol)

[AGpeacemaker]

2:45 is my favorite part! XD XD XD

[uofm97]

My favorite parts:

3:16 Jeff appears to be giving Achmed a physical. lol

3:30 "You idiot! You don't have a ass!" lmao

The part about the Jews and a penny, Cathoilc priests and a small boy with the winner fighting Michael Jackson was hilarious, too.

[redlilly101]

Jeff: no no you're dead.

Achmed: but i just had my flu shot.

xD

[Fartrilaquist]

Jeff: So you did this all for a bunch of virgins?

Achmed: Are you kidding? I'd kill you for a Klondike bar

lmfao

[samanthaboyd68]

silence....i keel you....hahahhahahahaha

[fahimallah]

stop tuchin me

i keel u

[fahimallah]

silence i kell u



[mrroyal11]

Funny as hell, can"t wait to see the other ones

[IpodTouchXpert11]

Silence!!.....  I Keel You

[101SUPERNATURAL]

kinda lik this song looks kinda lik a remake of man in the mirror tho i perfer man in the mirror

[ChineseDora]

that dead terriost reminds me of osama bin laden

Lmfao x]

[pinkapple121]

silence...i kill you.......ummm does anyone know what the one with the jalapinio is called;....i think thats how u spell it

[Blueeyewolfbabe]

this is hard!!

[i1337G33k]

AD'S, I KILL YOU!

[1narutoshippudenfan]

look up my ass it says made in china hahahahahaha

[LovesCookies1]

SILENCE.

I KEEL YOU.

[MrMangina101]

thats one durable turban

[joshiboy1994]

lol

[terminalva]

"What was the last thing you saw going throught your mind?"

"My ass!"

[bass109]

Jesus christ is truth!

[boumar19721972]

@bass109 LOL! Jesus Christ is myth. I`m sure you don`t even know the 10 commandments!

[Mllefuckmeimrich]

Why do u hate jokes abt jews??? i find em funny like haulo thing!

[lanabooklover]

he needs to do achmed and walter at the same time like he dose peanut and jusa

[123kiya321]

15 unDead Terrorist

[dunga919]

i love his show on comedy central!

[Jade65786]

2 jews walk into a bar and the 2nd one said "duck"

[BavNenya]

the best was when he says holy crap

[BavNenya]

the best is when he says: holy crap

[xxxx2523]

Achmed: HELOOO I AM LIDNSAY LOHAN!

[junjomi911]

14 peopel were the verizon guy who blew up

[Lizardprinceone1]

14 people got bombed by Achmed

[Dialga5662]

stop toching meeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrMikeman1996]

ads suck eggs but thats the government for yah

[ywing89]

You idiot! You don't have an ass!

[terpgolfer]

Oh great....I come here to see some comedy and I'm forced to watch some crappy political commercial. Way to go sell out.

[Loopygrrrrrrrrrr]

ads piss me off

[Pandalady366]

Knock knock

whos there?

Me! I kill you!

[MegaSniper54]

good evening infadel

[misieuroo]

SILENCE !!!!!!!  i kill u !

[Mizzibabegal]

i've watch dis like a million times already

dis shit is so freakin hilarious

[Benidicktor]

dnt touch me...........i kheel u...........

[stratosphere33]

you idiot you dont have an ase

[liliyax14]

what do you think of Bush?

oh like the B...

Oh you mean the president i'm sorry! XD

whahahahahahahahahaha LMFAO XD

[MrJuggalo94]

I forget sometimes hes one person XD

[superchickenbob]

you spelt it wrong

[hjkitten]

i keeeeeeeeeeellllllll you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dragonmovie123]

god dammet!......OH....I......Mean Allah demmed!

[aml101597]

jeff : But ur dead.

Achmed : no im not , i feel fine.

jeff : but ur all bone ....

Achmed : its a flesh wound . xD

[darkghostman3]

@aml101597 Silence i kill you

[licy2107]

Silence i kill u

[jkinney2003]

funny

[COOKIEMONSTER123416]

I KILL YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

LOLZ

[1up11]

Ellllooooooooooooooo I Am Linsey Lohannn

[outkastbaby]

iFCKn LOVE ACHMED.LOLZ.

[Lkpriest]

OMG this is HILARIOUS!!!!

[MrCommunistjoe]

i love that terrerist dud!!!!!lol

[1up11]

@MrCommunistjoe dud = ftw? lol thumbed u up

[Itzgregsta98]

if u love this watch a comedian called gabriel iglesias

[sos1001001]

Silence, I'll kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LynnTeo98]

"Godammit!OH!I...I mean uh...Allahdammit!" Hahaha!

[donutpinkey]

were did u come from " your frikin suitcase" lol!

[chinapup1016]

Very funny

[juniorlooksgood]

STOP TOUCHING ME............I KIL YOUUUU......

[tristiney]

scilence or ill kill you

[michnamy]

Hehe this is the funniest thing i have seen, thanks :)

[gamer040799]

silly ads you are no match for my refresh button

[david110988]

@gamer040799 lol fully agree with you haha

[sondre12321]

@gamer040799 SILENCE, I'LL KILL YOU xD

[tylerts97]

@gamer040799 ..........they figured out so I KEEL YOU!!!!!

[alex112299]

@gamer040799 hahahahahahah lol

[kingallen69]

achmed for persident

[liliyax14]

how do you spell it? WHAT :o. how do you spell your name. oh lets see. Aaa Ccc phlemggg.... wtf XD

I love him!!

[thesuperwillem]

Hilarios. "Knock knock" ,,Who's there" "Me I kill you"

[gymnasticsisnumber1]

12 people missed the like button!

[cadesux]

hahahah. that never gets old

[kungfuizzy]

lol funny

[Torrerrn]

i am a suecide bomber...... so u are finish..... wooot

[TheGerManMarC]

watched this vid in afghanistan...i laughed so hard

[Kabilan101]

My ass says I was "made in china" LMFAOOOO

[224JonasBrotherLover]

hahahahahaha HEELLLOOOO I AM LINDSEY LOHANN!! HAHA :))

[brown2912]

SILENCE! i keel u!!!

[WolfkinNorthclaw]

Silence! I Kill You!

[skyscan24]

Jeff Dunham is Hot!!

[DevonteThatDon]

SILENCE! I KILL YOU LMFAO ^_^

[Bloodskye1]

silence........I KILL YOU

[Sugardaddy501]

Achmed the funny terrorist.

[ArmorKingTV21]

SILENCE!!!I KILL YOU!!!!!

[doom5000100]

Achmed is the best puppet! LOL

[Wiid00d1994]

@doom5000100 nah the best puppet is peanut

[TheBarnes07]

silence! I KILL YOU! i love it

[loulou32809]

Silence I kill you

You guys crack me up

[kyutBoholana]

hahahaha!!...

[kyutBoholana]

silence i kill you

[kyutBoholana]

i like it... nice

[224JonasBrotherLover]

dude this guys my favorite!! hes so awesome!! haha the winner had to fight micheale jackson

[waswillstdudennda]

Mr. Hurricane!!

[brendariver520]

silents I KILL YOU

[ninit19r]

i been watchin diz buncha times.......hahaha still makes me laugh so hard ...... hahahhaa "silence i'l kill youuuuuuuuu!!!!! haaha

[kms291]

love Achmed he's so funny :)

[nissansentraglx]

have seen this guy on comedy central a few times. excellent vetriloquist! does great characters!

[gospel101]

amazing video

[RedxLightning4694]

HELOOOO IM LINDSAY LOHAN!

[clubpuffle]

best part!

[tristiney]

scilence,i'll kill you

[EvilJunior12]

its very old but still funny!!! that guy should be a millionare!!!

[kinkycutter]

fuuunnnny

[MrLinkmaster99]

thats ausome i watch almost every video he makes!

[Mariexoxo1]

cool!

[julyandrisie122]

wuuut i.i.i dnt get it?? :( ooh well :D ♥

[Mariexoxo1]

i dnt get the bush joke! like when he said "i love butch , ohh you mean the president"and everyone started laughing can someone please explain me!! thanks :-)

[brycepunk]

bush... I love bush. As in... well, figure it out.

[Mariexoxo1]

thanks alot :/

[xaviertheprettyboy]

weed that bush

[Greenmeadows1000]

ohhh i get it :))

[Greenmeadows1000]

im sorry angela whats bc?

[Greenmeadows1000]

i didnt get the blue prius joke about the hand ? can someone care to explain

thanks

[AngelasAwesome]

@Greenmeadows1000 its like bc a prius is small

[SANTIBANEZ200]

YOU IDIOT YOU DON`T HAVE A ASS LMFAO

[rbatheNORSEMAN]

"It's okay, I took that Verizon bastard with me!" LMFAO

[jaew97]

Achmed: they open the suit case and i say " hello, i am lidnsay lohan!"

[bangboogy]

i dnt get the bill clinton joke someone care to explain?

[firefool123]

Bill Clinton was a very horny man and the washington moument looks like a huge penis.

[Mariexoxo1]

he built the washington monument??

bill clinton??

[kitsune692smom]

Bill Clinton was one of the horniest presidents in recent memory. That's the joke.

[Mariexoxo1]

how do u know he was one of the horniest presidents??

[Paria53]

He cheated on his wife.

[Mariexoxo1]

OMG! with who?

[Paria53]

Monica Samille Lewinsky

[AdudenamedKemp]

I'm pretty sure he cheated on Hilary with multiple women.

[SuperRockstar0]

omg i nearly puked it was sooooo funny hello im lindsy lohan.

[ladyxctasy]

i keeeeelllll youuu!lmaoo ilov eachmed

[101anderman]

god any1 know hes coming to canada Alberta?

[comedyprincezz]

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!

[Quizman200]

jeff: Good evening achmed! achmed: Good evening. In Fidel? jeff: so your a terrorist? What kind of terrorist? achmed: A terrifying terrorist achmed: are you scared? jeff: No not really achmed: HU HAA achmed: and now? Jeff: no achmed: goddammit crowd: (laughing) Achmed: oh I mean Ala dammit! crowd: hahah achmed: SILENCE I KILL YOU

[marshallmakayla11]

I KILL YOU

[hotcarl84]

This guy reminds me of the era when comedians had to be funny to get on tv.

[kpmallen]

Knock Knock ! Whos there! me I kill you!

[taracruz3737]

This is the best! Jeff Dunham is so awesome! I always think I like one character over the other but they are all great!

[ladyxctasy]

IT REMIND ME OF THAT I KICK UR DOG PARODY

[dragonsflame35]

Silence! I kill you! FUNNY as HELL!!!!!!

[fdawg309]

haha lol i'd kill you for a klondike bar me too hahaha

[greenpanda97]

silence! i killll youuuu!!!

[miniemousecutie]

this is halarious asecialy theone where it goes o thats easy they open the case and i say ello im lindsy lohan

[Emily4twilight]

it's ok I took that verision basterd with me!

LMAO!!!

[twixface]

Ummm maybe cuz terrorist' r NOT muslims

[MollyTheCookie]

I watch this video over and over again, and it never gets old!

[orangegrape14]

this is so hallarious!!!

[Goosebumbsfan]

i like it when he says "silence! i kill you!"

[accuriz]

lol i did the same thing with 2 cathlic priest but i tossed i a small boy ahhahahahaahh and the winner had to fight michel jackson

[anticipator455]

What? you don't let jews in your bar?"

"No, what I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act."

"oh, ok. how about I kill the jokes?"

lol lol so friggin funny. I don't have enough air to laugh rats

[someguy998899]

he actually said how about i kill the Jews. which is why he followed up with he wouldn't kill them, he'd throw a penny between them and watch them fight to the death.

[anticipator455]

"how about now?"

"no"

"god damn it"

"I mean ahla damn it"

"Silence!"

"I kill you!"

[ratking64sk8tebaordr]

That guy is awesome, you could lisen to him all day and not get bord.

[Leanzo100]

I agree