I think you should have told him "just to stay positive", and after he would have realised that it isn't so simple you could have had serious talk. Now he still belives that staying positive cures all the probles (other) people have. Or at least thats what I would do.
Ed, or proteanview. Though I endeavor to be positive in spirit and behavior, I find myself challenged due to the human condition. As one that works at my spiritual and positive nature and wishes other's the same, I at times fail to live up to that emphasis of seeing the better side of my human counter parts. I regroup, collect my thoughts and if needed my friends are welcome to help me regain my positive composure. Friends can be tactfully honest with me as I with them. I may need a reminder.
Haha, that was a nice anecdote. The guy sounds more than a little selfish, opinionated. If he's talking at you it's self-therapy, which you seemed to have worked out. Let him work through it and come back when he can be a bit more humble and a bit more fun to be around.
Your friend probably isn't as smart as you and can offer no valuable insight into your issues.
Also your friend probably wanted to be told himself to think positive, he wasn't giving advice to you he was giving it to himself using you as a proxy.
Stand up for yourself, and show him... thats what real friends do, and if he cant see that... then he may have some denial issues, or should I say closed mindedness.
Freindship is one of the hardest types of human relationships that we experience.
Being a true friend requires you to say things and even do things that may be difficult but are nonetheless right. I had a friend of mine that would repeatedly ask me to lie, to cover up for him. Looking back I find it absolutely disgusting that he would require me to do this for him as I was his 'friend'. I would never ask a friend to do that for me.
I used to work with a guy who responds to even passing complaints about some sort of life issue from your's truly with the following. "That's just your garbage that you needlessly hold onto". While his reply may hold some truth, I sense his perspective could be less than supportive; too bad i didn't call him on it! I think the crap would hit the fan if someone said this to him.
it depends on the situation. sometimes it's good to say what you want to say and hold a mirror up to the other's face sometimes it's better not too. i don't think there is one standard "right" kind of reaction. it depends.
I would've told him straight out what a fucking hypocrite he was, thrown his words in his face, and then told him what he needed to know(okay, my opinions thereof), rather what he wanted to hear.
Then he would've called me a dick and not speak to me for a month.
Then Mom said what? "Why can't you be like your brother? He doesn't have the bad attitude you do, and at least he can hold down a job/get a girlfriend/blah, blah, blah."
Thank you, this made me reflect on some things I say. Sure, I am not the peace and love kind, but I do tend to tell people to take the trivial things in life less seriously. On one hand, most of the things people complain about mean nothing in the greater scheme of things, yet at the same time that's my opinion and it's not particularly helpful to others. When I reflect on some of the things I bitch about... they're trivial as hell, yet I wouldn't be happy to hear someone tell me that.
If you ask me (and you did, cause you asked any one who sees this video) then I would quote the Bhagavad Gita where it says something like, "Nothing can be accomplished via repression".
If it happened to me I would've first reminded him of his peace loving, hypocritical hippie bullshit response to my woes, and then (unlike him), I would've then done what you did, yes, listen to him with my heart-mind.
That is, of course, if he wanted my compassionate ear after I had given him my sincerity.
haha, I suppose it depends on the kind of friend you want to be. from what you described, it seems that you are the friend that would help a friend solve their problems, while the man you described was the kind of friend is best at helping you forget them, even if it's out of sheer frustration.
i truly believe in the power of of the mind, as far as positive/negative thinking goes, but it's never as simple as "think happy thoughts" on some peter pan shit
for me, it's really about using your emotions as a barometer, trying to block out and repress negative emotions will hurt you in the long run, but examining those emotions and why they are there, and how to flip those cards if you choose to do so is very useful, this allows you to approach what you feel from a neutral perspective
people wont hear/listen to advice but sometimes you can guide them with using thier personality type or past reactions to similar situations(like your collage friend did), to get them to act in thier best intrests....mostly it's just wies to smile and nod.lol
I would first seriously help. then once he sees i am their for his benefit, I would slip in, "see this is where that thinking positive bullshit just dont work" hahaha then maybe he would see that its not a great way to solve problems.
I think i experienced rather the same situation you just described with a friend of mine too.
Idk. if it's the best solution but here i what i did: i tried to help him as much as i could when the problem was fresh and he was quite upset about it. But when everything clamed down a bit - about 3-4 weeks later - i remembered him of his own words... and that they don't help all the time... not in the context of HIS actual issue but as a general statement... never heard this s*** anymore ^^
i dont think hes wrong for being hypocritical he was only trying to help u out by telling u to spread peace and love, would u rather have him tell u to spread chaos and hate just for the sake of not being hypocritical?
I would have done both. I would have held that fun house mirror right on up to get a good laugh (if he's the type that could take a joke like that) and then I would've followed up with insight as I'm sure you did with him. Sometimes people can dose of their own medicine if you give them somethings sweet (laughter) to down it with. =)
You sounded to me like you had some question about whether your experience and response "need any fixing." Whether or not you ever say to that "friend" what you thought of his response to you, you have an opportunity to MODEL for him what response you might have valued more than whatever one he previously offered: "dude, just think positive!" What would you like for him to have said to you? Maybe: "Wow, I hear you, man!"
I would listen to his problems and seek to help him solve them to the best of my ability then when having done that I would make him aware of how I had felt that he had not taken my issues serious when he told me to just think posetive and dismissed me. But having said this I would never be in that position as I would have told him in the first place ;) honest as I am
Thank you for saying this! This is something that needs to be said, and you did it in an intelligent way. Plus I like your vintage tone to the video.
I have run into the same thing among the 'peace, love and harmony' crowd. They preach that endlessly, but then blow up at me when they find out I'm a vet. Then they call me names. So much for their peace, love and harmony. They seem to be the newest group of fundamentalists.
sometimes you need to just listen to people and let them get it off their chest. Allow them to wallow in self-pity. Give them a couple of days them tell them to start thinking positively.
Positive thought can always help which isn't to say that issues are not genuine.
From my experience, I can only use the 'let them know' card when it's someone I really am acquainted with, like someone you're around alot if not all the time. When it's people I don't know, they give me the 'inside joke' look. Even then, if it's an issue I KNOW is going to bother them, I'd just give them their space. But something I would never do, is go against what I'm thinking - like just telling them, 'yeah you're right' even if you don't agree. The best knowledge is attained by one's self.
well if he you had problems and he didnt help you but expected you to help in return then he is not really a friend and you shoudn give him the time of day, oh and your vid at the begining made me miss an old friend who i stoped taking too, but by the end of your vid you reminded me why i stopped taking to her, it was always about her and never took time to hear me out lol thanks for that man
I'm sure you'll never see this but, I would say your "friend" is not the friend you portray him to be. Couldn't you tell during previous visits he was prone to this sort of duplicity? I can't believe you hadn't noticed. If you had and kept him as a friend it is on you. If you hadn't, I wonder how you "read" your friends and on what basis you make and keep friends. Knowing that people are ruled by their moods I'd let it go. My friends would laugh if I lightheartedly mirrored this back at them.
this guy is a hypocrite. He never criticises his own religion islam, but he hates all jews, judsiam, israel, USA and christians, and yet accuse them of biggotry.
well said. I know quite a few of those self absorbed peacenick new age assholes that condemn everyone else and yet are themselves the most intolerable sacks of hypocritical shits themselves! They love to lecture people about peace, love and tolerance and yet are the most intolerant of people's opinions themselves!
Those are the types that would kill you for not spreading "love" if they had the guns!
I would say if you have a friend that says what you have to say is not that important, but you should stop the presses whenever he utters a word, then you do not have a fair communicational friendship. Friends should be able to bite their tongues when the other talks, but it should go for both people of the spectrum and both should be able to equally speak their mind.
Nah man - I get that alot, people always want to feel connected.
What I would have done, as a pixel myself, is let him get to his emotional/energy crescendo (thats all it was, was a vent and he chose you, an impartial listener/friend) and then give him back a happy "dood, its all good, just pay it forward and never look back"
That is in fact what he was searching for, not agreeance, but the same as he offered you.
You most definitely did the right thing. Unless this person is extremely shallow of thought, he will have realised that his mind over matter approach hadn't worked, and that you were plainly aware of this. By simply helping him, you showed that this was of more importance to you than proving a point for yourself (however understandable).
Nice restraint, that's what makes a man (in my semi-adopted view).
Most people don't even know they are being hypocritical. They are in the moment and they explode without thinking about their "positivity" motto. Which only goes to show how fake that motto is, they can't even control themselves according to it when feelings come out.
I would have just reminded him that I understand he is upset, but that last time I was upset and he dismissed me with "be positive" instead of listening to me.
My very dear friend who espouses the idea that we create our reality by our thoughts wanted me to help him bring back a sailboat from Annapolis in February. He was adamant that positive thinking would cover any of my expressed concerns about the weather. The brutal weather and a couple of storms later which nearly killed us impressed upon me that while leaning toward the positive is likely a good idea, the universe has thoughts of it's own and you better damn well align yourself with them.
I would continue to listen to them, but if they were to blow me off again, I would let them know what they are doing. Sometimes you end up talking to the "Power of Nowers" and they're all hopped up on positive energy and they stop noticing when they are just being disrespectful. There is a time for compassion, but when there is none in return, you must be firm and demand a basic respect that you are providing them with.
Ah, and to answer the question, I would have pointed out his hypocrisy there. Only I would have been careful about how. Basically, when he was doing his bitching, he was looking for support - he was vulnerable. I would have first given him my best REAL advice, and tried to find a reasonable resolution. Then, at the end, I would have been like, "you see how it takes more than just 'thinking positive' to resolve these things? Yeah, it works like that for other people too, bro."
Yeah man, I had a friend that did this to me. I was feeling down because I had been having really bad luck with the ladies. She basically told me that I was having the bad luck because of the "bad vibes" I was sending out.
She was full of shit, switching the cause for the effect. Sweet girl, good person... stupid advice.
Anger is a normal human emotion, but trying to see to the root of it, and resolving it, in a manner which causes the least harm to yourself and others, is a positive thing. So while we should not pretend that we are always happy and always be be smiling on the outside, we should try to find lessons in life which allow use to make positive changes in how we act and think. Whatever philosophy your friend had found, was far too simplistic for the real world.
hmm its hard to say without knowing the nature of the issues that each of you had. I personally would have asked/reminded him about the possitive thought/intention aspect of it, not to throw it in his face but to just bring him back to that state of thinking. This would have shown you(and maybe even himself) his true thoughts on the whole thing as well.
Have you seen 'the secret'? if not, id recomend it to see where hes coming from. also 'what the bleep do we know- down the rabbit hole'.
I'm voting for the fun house mirror!! If someone did that to me, I'd never relate to him/her the same way again. I want a little empathy, please, (since I give it out freely), or I will never share anything more than the smallest of small talk with that person again.
- lose your house,+don't have to cut the grass, - no money,+ lose that weight you have been wanting off,- no job,+ you get to sleep in!, -NWO trying to enslave you,+ you don't have to think for yourself. Come on man lets all be positive!
Wait but he never,,,,,or you never said that he said that thats the way he counters - situations. So he was maybe giving you advice thats advice still to him personally.
Dear Ed, What I'm about to say may not pertain to your situation, only to what has been my experience with some (not all) people who routinely give that type of advice to others. Some of them just say stuff like that when they want shut other people up. It's true, Ed. It's NOT always like that. Sometimes a change of attitude can bring about good results, but obviously there's times when no amount of 'good energy' is going to be able to solve problems that involve dealing with nasty people, etc
There could be several reasons that he responded that way, he's doesn't feel as close to you so he gave you a canned response, he couldn't think of anything useful to say, he didn't think there was a solution to your problem.etc. Sometimes people just want to vent. I think it's a good idea to always tell a friend what you're really thinking. It's test whether or not you really are friends, and it eliminates the regret of not speaking up afterwards.
I would definitely let him know. Not so much to rub in his face. Even though that would definitely be part of it-- to both find out if that is what he really believes in doing and if so to try and reinforce his own beliefs onto himself so he can get his mind straight and figure out his issues.
I say you hold that funhouse mirror right up to your friend's face. Then smash it over his head!
Naw, but seriously, perhaps it could've been a bit helpful if he or she could see that it's not as simple as smiling your problems away. I mean, you don't have to say the same thing said to you, but make your friend aware of the turn of events/roles.
I don't understand what friendship is if it doesn't involve honesty. Of course, honesty should be tempered with tact. But if this person has a history of dismissing your concerns, maybe he needs a wake up call.
Very well said. I am an optimist but that doesn't mean that I find life is all joy. I am angered by many things is my life and the world at large but due to having practiced optimism for over a decade, this allows me to return to center.
love the song "Age of Aquarius" and "I Can See Clearly Now." Listening to these songs help me when I feeling sad or helpless.
I yearn for peace but I don't use the word love which I see as an emotional or sexual attachment.
Misapplication of "peace & love", such as it being pushed on you to discredit your legitimate feelings, is of course ugly stuff, and you should have pushed it back on him when he was having troubles so he could see the folly. But I'd add that the "peace & love" mindset isn't completely useless simply because it can be used in inappropriate situations. Is love itself a joke simply because it can be inappropriately placed?
Good question. I would have listened, given him my opinion on things, but also would have told him what he said to me a week ago and how that made me feel. It is absolutely important for people to criticize each other. I noticed that only my husband and my mother criticize me and give me real feedback on my bahavior. Nobody else either dares or cares. Not good. We all need to criticize more in our society, without being mean of course. It would move us as a whole society forward.
I would've given him the serious thought. But if he kept giving me the "thinking positive" answer whenever I talked about my issues, I'd eventually give him "the fun house mirror".
I think you should have put up the "fun house mirror" as you put it, but in a soft kind of way. In a way that doesn't express it to him so he feels attacked, but to just lay it out there.
This may have been resolved already, at any rate, just tell him how you feel--that if you're going to listen to him, give him time, sympathy, advice, you want the same from him; you want him to stop being a hypocrite. If he feels your issues are below him or something, then no longer interact with the guy on those terms.
I think you answered your own question at the end of video: LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Sure you could have done just as he had, and given your power away allowing him to change who you are. The day you needed understanding and empathy he wasn't really there for you, but you resisted the urge to make it about you and treated him the way you wish you had been treated. Sometimes we have to accept that we are at a deeper place in our growth, and assume the responsibility it affords us.
i agree with this. there's always the easy option of lowering yourself and paying someone out for their lack of comprehension or you could just keep your own values and respect the fact that they are behind you and care for them indifferently as you would a child
maybe what your friend meant for you is not to dwell on the negative, but certainly dont "dwell" on the positive for that is denial, but instead, putting forth positive energy in the universe is only calling for positive outcomes or conclusions to your strife.
i think what your friend, like many people who may not be able to empathize with a certain situation, was helping you the best way he knew how...
contd) for me thinking "positive" means allowing everything to "be okay" in the end, and having hope. we can never change what happened in the past, and we can rarely change the present states of things, but we can manipulate the future, and thinking positive is the only way to manifest positive things.
your friend probably didnt have the understanding of your situation, so i definitely dont think he was in the "wrong," his advice was perhaps simply meant to be neutral from lack of experience
contd) i feel that if you were able to help your friend by understanding his situation, that doesnt necessarily make you the better friend.. it just means you've more experience in his matter.
if not, then neutral advice like "think positive," or "manifest positive outcomes," is a good way to get him started on making things better for himself.
in the end friends dont like to see friends dwell. dwelling is counter-productive.
ya know, I think...it wld depend on the day or...my issues that he brushed aside. I think on a good day... & if he is a good friend, I might behave myself....but I have to admit, MOST likely...I wld have parroted his words back to him, or avoided the phone call all together.....But thats me ;-)
You should have given him advice about his issues, then pointed out what he told you. ( wouldn't go about it in a "AHA I GOT YOU!" way. More of a to the point, and respectful way. I get a sense of where he's at, and he needs to see where he may not be open minded at.
IMO, it's always good for people to get things off their chest, and if it bothered you, then you are entitled to speak your mind. How you go about that is ultimately for your judgment.
Maybe try to work in the peace and love stuff, but nicely. It was obviously what he believed the week before. You would have become more like the woman you mentioned that you admired.
One suggestion: can you let you vids run a sec or two more at the end? You have a tendency to chop the last word. I just watched you for 2:48. 2:50 won't hurt :-)
But, sometimes when peole say, " hey, just be more positive and it'll be OK", it pisses me off. Not because I think they're not genuine, but because I am positive...and sometimes no amount of being blindly happy will change the situation.
Sometimes we need to not be positive?
Yeah, I might have reciprocated his "smile in the face of despair" line too.
I would have told the friend, if he was mine, what he told me. I wouldn't have said it in a bitter, nasty way though.
The way I see a mask of positive thinking is more damaging. You're just blocking the bad and not fixing them, or facing them in the slightest. I guess it's the same with things like depression, and using anti-depressants. Those wont fix anything.
I would have said his "positive" comment back to him.
There are moments in life, it seems like many, where a situation arises and there is this natural feeling of what you are supposed to do or supposed to say.
From my experience, it is good to follow that feeling. It may lead the friend to be mad in the short run, but it works out for the best in the end.
I know I am unusual, but I practically never guard what I say. I just let it fly...
Let the friend know... but tactfully. I have found (and I'm not so good at this technique myself but have perceived its use on me) that people respond better if there is discussion that points the way to them "solving the problem for themselves." Give hints but don't clobber them with a judgement--this can shut them down toward a solution. You might even save a telling anecdote until after the conversation has gone on to some other topic. Gently. Subtly.
It's really not fair to ask us what we would do, because we are only getting your side of the story.Was he really dismissing your problems or was he just not reacting the way you wanted?Not everyone can be as intuitive as your "perfect" friend.Maybe he truly felt he was trying to help you.Obviously, there are visual cues that only know about to make that judgment.I'd say, choose your battles. If he's a casual friend,,just let it go.
but an insult, these days is something people love to leave as they go by, either out of jealousy or plain stupidity, or even disdain for a fellow HUMAN.
totally wrong. and you are right, it is so hard to maintain ones goodwill and calm composure with certain others among us.
5/5 man, you sound like you really care about the world, and i think thats better then just living life...or living it any other way then this, with a good head and a good heart.
i put up with nothing, if i like someone...i don't mind who they are at all.
if someone attacks me personally...it takes alot to control my anger at the gall and audacity of another, to get in my face...over my opinions and feelings.
i give every other man and woman the same rights i expect of myself.
People like that are annoying, my cousins like that, every time I'm in a pissy mood she tells me to find god then asks what's up. She's like that I ask her what's up and that it, but hey, you're supposed to be there for family and friends even if they bug the shit out of you.
I'd have stayed quiet though, and do frequently Protean.
Like you said, friendship is a give and take deal...I wouldn't cut off an old friend for 1 or 2 bad conversations but once someone's core values have taken a huge turn sometimes ppl just grow further and further apart.
you do know he is properly watching this. I would just keep my mouth shut and listen to what he said even if I wanted to say to him to think positive I think that would cause a fight. a true friend would'nt do that even if he was the one who told me to think positive. when he was in a better mood I would joke with him about it. ;)
I think in this case, though your question is valid, it is more or less irrelevant. Our minds are programmed to think our own issues are more important than others. Rightfully so too. Your issues have little to no relevance to his life, and vice versa. I guess the better question in this case is which response makes you a better friend? Or better yet, do you value the friendship enough to bother yourself with something that is rather irrelevant to your own life?
Hey, you are who you appear to be, for all intents and purposes. If you consistently throw stuff back in people's faces you're the as**ole. If you want to be a friend, act like a friend. You would know from the situation if it was more important that he learn his lesson or to give good advice on his problem. You chose to be the friend, so there you are.
I'm very outspoken and would state that although there is power in positive thinking, our lives need balance and those who care about change need to speak up. If we don't, well-- Bush was elected for eight FUCKING unpositive years?
I just watched another video on the horrors of children being blown up, underfed, abused. etc.. I'm going to send an airplane over their torn & emaciated bodies and drop pamphlets that say, "Just Think Positive thoughts and this will take care of your problems"
I'd keep giving him and his problems considered attention without mentioning how he was a "just be positive" guy before, at least for a while. Then if next time you have issues you need his input on, he gives you that tired line again, call him on it.
This kind of thing seems to happen a lot. I find that many people expect my help, or the help of others, to work through their problems, but will not spend the time or energy to return the favour. Generally, I find myself giving advice regardless, but gradually drifting away from those kinds of friends...
Ed, I think you did the right thing, sometimes our friends or ourselves just need an friendly ear to bend, regardless of what he may have said to you a week prior, throwing his advice back in his face would have been rude, IMHO.
yes, he coming back and ranting to you like that was somewhat hypocritical but aren't we all from time to time?
I find myself in this sort of position a lot recently. I get annoyed when people dismiss my problems as if they don't exist and then suddenly have a truckload of their own, but they expect some kind of insightful advice.
Personally, i tend to react like you did and just hold back the annoyance, but i'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. I think people who are that blunt sometimes need an equal force to shock them into gear, even if it requires "acting out of character" in a way.
so it's not that your friend is a hypocrite or anything, it's just that he is attached to certain views of reality and can't see reality as it is. well, in a way we all see reality as it is, but he can't see reality as it is in a way which is detached from all views.
anyways, this may be hard to grasp. it was and still is for me at times, and it will probably still be hard to grasp completely for a long time
i think i used to be like your friend... but now i realize that it's all about this one and unique encounter with life in the here and now. THIS is the ultimate source of advice and the ultimate truth, and the attempt to conceptualize reality into things like "putting possitive energy vs. feeling like shit" doesn't work and it doesn't match up with this one and unique encounter with the here and now.
now,i am very aware of all the lack of REALITY in this fuckin world so i wont tell anyone to just think positive because in the current human condition that just isnt possible in the reality of things.
all you can really do is tell people to be reasonable and maintain your own integrated honesty with an understanding of reality,otherwise youll end up in a snowball effect causing a bout of depression.ive been through three of them.
just try to be rational to keep your head together.
"Ya I just shut up & listened, thinking," What do you know about why I should be positive right about now?"
..................I think electricity is killing us.
How long have humans been on the planet? How long have we had electricity as a part of our lives? Tonight, shut off the breaker box & go to sleep.You will be suprised at the change in tension.
I don't know that I'd be able to resist at least asking him how he'd respond if I just said that to him, and if it sounded like someone telling him to just "suck it up". Ultimately, your friend, your judgment. Seems he's over with that "phase" he was in, right? Maybe ask him if "Piece and love" stopped working for him? Well, my advice isn't advisable, otherwise you could end up with as few friends as I have. ;)
I got attacked in the street, broad daylight for not listening to instict. And it was far more unpleasent that biting on my tongue, no I wasnt being a samaritan, I was minding my own business and simply looking at people is enough to spark that neanderthal brain of thiers into action.
Why didnt you just leave the venue if you didnt want to listen to the other parties 'revelation'.
One of the things I've always lacked in are social protocols wherein all parties play the role of some kind of pyscho-analyst and figuratively determine our proverbial relationships to our mothers.
Now since we're on the topic of mothers, my MAMA always told me "say what you mean and mean what you say."
Be a little irreverant Protean and run with your impulse. I'll bet you anything that subconciously your friend wanted you to call him out. It might offend at first, he'll respect u.
This 'think positive' thing has been way over-rated + actually it's become more or less an advertising slogan. Sure, there some benefits to positive thinking, but eventually reality kick in, which can be either positive or negative. Too much 'posiitive thinking' actually keeps you in a bubble. Does anyone realize how many self-help books are published every year? Most of it is crack psychology and the authors are laughing all the way to the bank :)
I wouldnt have bit my tongue.. I would have told him in the middle of hi sentence to, "just be positive".. then laugh it off and continued listening to what he had to say.
Proteanview, I think you once made a video in which you said that when we are not faced with a problem like addiction etc it is easy for us to judge the person struggling with the issue. It is easy because we are not struggling with it or have never been faced with that problem. I think the same goes for giving advice on "being positive". If we are not struggling with that specific problem or ever been faced with something similar it's easy to tell others to "just think positively".
I would of said "Here's my peace & love" and then dropped my fuckin' pants down ;)
Life is shitty, Life is Beautiful, and it just seems it's always going to be that way, for my lifetyme anyways. That's just the way it is. There is nothing wrong with trying to think positive at times.
I'm not saying you have to best friends and talk every single day clinging onto each other like you have no life but to say you talk 4 or 5 times due to all these other responsibilities is bs... and yea i have a life I'm a full time college student and have a full time job.. Hell I'm sure even the president has time to talk to a few of his real friends once a week but 4 or 5 times a year isn't a friend as I restate..
When I was young, my best friends were those who were around me most. This is because we had a central meeting spot - school. This guy is a friend from school. When we graduated, there was no reason 2 jettison the friendship because of distance. 2 hours of distance, 3 kids & 50 hour work week doesn't allow 4 much time 2 get together, but he's known me much longer than most I see daily.
When u get older, friendships are based more on history & love 4 someone, not hours spent together.
thanks bro for sharing that with me. Yeah I admit i am young (24) and i have yet to learn all that there is in this life. Just going through things at this moment with supposed "friends" who claim they are that but never contact me, and yet want to use that word in vein. have a nice day =)
Sounds like this guy read a book or saw a movie called The Secret, which is basically the newest incarnation of radical new age "if you think it you can make it happen" magical thinking. Every person I've met that talks that way (or has read that book) ends up being more than a little nuts in one way or another.
Well, for me, my response would depend on how I felt. If I was still in the moment and more than a bit angry, I'd be petty and throw it right back in his face, not realizing the pettiness until I calm down. After calming down i'd figure out a way to explain what he did wrong in a polite manner and offer any advice with respect to it simply being how I would respond. I have a friend who does the same, projecting how he thinks as how the rest of the world thinks.
lol well first off if you meet or talk 4 or 5 times a year your not friends. It seems that in this modern day people like to throw these terms around and not know the true meaning.. for instance "I love you" but for the fact he caught you off guard with his behavior means you don't know him as well as you thought. re-evaluate what the true meaning of friendship is.
I have friends I only see a few times a year because they have moved away due to school, work, etc. Things can happen that don't seem important, for example inside jokes or acquired behaviors with new friends, that can change people a little bit at a time, so they don't notice the big change. Just my two cents on the issue.
lol wake up.. this is a new millennium.. we dont live in the stone ages.. their is a thing called cell phones and the Internet.. trust me your "friends" can get hold of you but they dont give a shite.. so don't feed me this denial bs LOL
Not everyone sees cell phones as wanted or necessary, particularly for constant use. Also, not everyone (weird, I know) talks to OTHER people while hanging out with friends. I have a few who do that and tell them to either hang out with that friend or stop tallking/texting to them. There are things, particularly non-verbal things, that don't come across in e-mails, texts, or phone calls, and verbal things that can't come across in e-mails or texts.
Finally, you don't tell every friend or loved one every (at least seemingly) insignificant detail of your life away from them, and those are primarily the things I was talking about. Also, you sound like a kid, and most kids don't realize how inappropriate constant cell phone use is at work. I have a job and friends with jobs. We are responsible at our jobs, therefore we aren't on our cell phones at work.
Outside of work there's sleep, errands, and hanging with other friends (whom I respect too much to talk to others not planning on joining us while wiht them) to constantly be telling everyone everything everyday.
LOL bro your getting way off subject now. first of all im not talking about "butting" in on others converstation as you seem to say in your rambling. second off lets disregard cell phones and lets just say we did live in the "stone ages" but didn't mean that literally, just back before technologies like cell phones and computers.. their would be a thing called pen and paper in which we fold up and put in a cute little envolope to send to *gasps* other people in far off lands.
Don't try to foist your incorrect interpretation of what a friend is on other people. A friend is anyone you are attached to by feelings of affection.
haha haven't been in that sitch but whenever any of my christian friends bitch about life, i'm like 'maybe youre not praying hard enough.' i always feel like a dick afterwards tho lol.
You get back what you put out. His advice was sound but it is hard to think about what good can come from a trying situation. As far as your friend goes, we owe it to them to be honest. Great video for food thought.
A friend is a friend. You should have thrown that directly in his face. I have had similar situations with a couple of friends. If they really are a TRUE "friend", they will probably think about it, and see the error. Hypocritical actions and phrases are a form of lying to one's self. If you can't handle your own truths, you are not a worthwhile friend to anyone.
I could really go the other way too, Based on mood, and the wieght of the friend's problems...if they were "less serious" than the issues he "blew off"...in that situation I'd go for the funhouse mirror.
I would address the issue directly...coming back at him with his "solution" may come across as passive aggressive. I can see the conflict as with him dismissing your issues, and asking for concrete advice with his own... in the end it would be less productive for the friendship...some people aren't really good at talking with someone about problems that aren't thier own, in that reguard, I'd suggest trying to give the best advice I could, the passive agressive approach will only bring headache.
I feel ya man. I hate that too. whenever someone comes to me with a problem i try to help find a solution. I think most people find that a little wierd though. It seems the normal idea of what is appropriate is to just show a little sympathy without actually sharing helpful ideas. On an unrelated note, why do people give hippies such a hard time? at least they WANTED to find meaning and positive change. That's more than today's youth subcultures can say. the hippies DID get stuff done.
The purpose of Peace is that we all hate each other, but lets not kill each other. If everyone loved each other, peace would not be necessary
prgnt 4 months ago
Try this out!
hee hee !
Namaste
jcherpaw1 4 months ago
I think you should have told him "just to stay positive", and after he would have realised that it isn't so simple you could have had serious talk. Now he still belives that staying positive cures all the probles (other) people have. Or at least thats what I would do.
daPawlak 6 months ago
why didn't you say it? i would've, so would've my friends to me.
and probably even joked about it...
Darusdei 10 months ago
Ed, or proteanview. Though I endeavor to be positive in spirit and behavior, I find myself challenged due to the human condition. As one that works at my spiritual and positive nature and wishes other's the same, I at times fail to live up to that emphasis of seeing the better side of my human counter parts. I regroup, collect my thoughts and if needed my friends are welcome to help me regain my positive composure. Friends can be tactfully honest with me as I with them. I may need a reminder.
crashmav62 11 months ago
Haha, that was a nice anecdote. The guy sounds more than a little selfish, opinionated. If he's talking at you it's self-therapy, which you seemed to have worked out. Let him work through it and come back when he can be a bit more humble and a bit more fun to be around.
thespacialone 1 year ago
Your friend probably isn't as smart as you and can offer no valuable insight into your issues.
Also your friend probably wanted to be told himself to think positive, he wasn't giving advice to you he was giving it to himself using you as a proxy.
luemas666 1 year ago
That isn't hypocrisy.
This is in the moment. God damn.
HomoCyborgZombie 1 year ago
Stand up for yourself, and show him... thats what real friends do, and if he cant see that... then he may have some denial issues, or should I say closed mindedness.
911truthseekers 1 year ago
Also off topic but I watched this video a year ago. Yes, one whole year ago. Where does the time go aye?!
Finnbar01 1 year ago
Freindship is one of the hardest types of human relationships that we experience.
Being a true friend requires you to say things and even do things that may be difficult but are nonetheless right. I had a friend of mine that would repeatedly ask me to lie, to cover up for him. Looking back I find it absolutely disgusting that he would require me to do this for him as I was his 'friend'. I would never ask a friend to do that for me.
Finnbar01 1 year ago
I used to work with a guy who responds to even passing complaints about some sort of life issue from your's truly with the following. "That's just your garbage that you needlessly hold onto". While his reply may hold some truth, I sense his perspective could be less than supportive; too bad i didn't call him on it! I think the crap would hit the fan if someone said this to him.
scotsmanlerxt 1 year ago
it depends on the situation. sometimes it's good to say what you want to say and hold a mirror up to the other's face sometimes it's better not too. i don't think there is one standard "right" kind of reaction. it depends.
thepowerofozone 1 year ago
I would've told him straight out what a fucking hypocrite he was, thrown his words in his face, and then told him what he needed to know(okay, my opinions thereof), rather what he wanted to hear.
Then he would've called me a dick and not speak to me for a month.
Win-win.
williamskidfears 1 year ago
True Story
Me: This place is awful I told you I didn't want to be here
Mom: Oh stop being so "Glass half empty"
(Later)
Mom: The waiters are so unprofessional and the food is half eaten!
Me: Don't be negative! Its not half eaten! Its half there!
MISTERWONKA7 1 year ago 2
@MISTERWONKA7 Haha! Yes!
proteanview 1 year ago
@MISTERWONKA7 LOL!
Then Mom said what? "Why can't you be like your brother? He doesn't have the bad attitude you do, and at least he can hold down a job/get a girlfriend/blah, blah, blah."
williamskidfears 1 year ago
I would have said "Peace and Love" like I always do. There's nothing wrong with reminding someone *politely* to keep their thoughts on goodness.
rubyspirit2 1 year ago
Thank you, this made me reflect on some things I say. Sure, I am not the peace and love kind, but I do tend to tell people to take the trivial things in life less seriously. On one hand, most of the things people complain about mean nothing in the greater scheme of things, yet at the same time that's my opinion and it's not particularly helpful to others. When I reflect on some of the things I bitch about... they're trivial as hell, yet I wouldn't be happy to hear someone tell me that.
shiftplusone80 1 year ago
If you ask me (and you did, cause you asked any one who sees this video) then I would quote the Bhagavad Gita where it says something like, "Nothing can be accomplished via repression".
If it happened to me I would've first reminded him of his peace loving, hypocritical hippie bullshit response to my woes, and then (unlike him), I would've then done what you did, yes, listen to him with my heart-mind.
That is, of course, if he wanted my compassionate ear after I had given him my sincerity.
ObaNarayanShivaji999 1 year ago
haha, I suppose it depends on the kind of friend you want to be. from what you described, it seems that you are the friend that would help a friend solve their problems, while the man you described was the kind of friend is best at helping you forget them, even if it's out of sheer frustration.
beren082 1 year ago
i truly believe in the power of of the mind, as far as positive/negative thinking goes, but it's never as simple as "think happy thoughts" on some peter pan shit
for me, it's really about using your emotions as a barometer, trying to block out and repress negative emotions will hurt you in the long run, but examining those emotions and why they are there, and how to flip those cards if you choose to do so is very useful, this allows you to approach what you feel from a neutral perspective
pprwynn 1 year ago
people wont hear/listen to advice but sometimes you can guide them with using thier personality type or past reactions to similar situations(like your collage friend did), to get them to act in thier best intrests....mostly it's just wies to smile and nod.lol
BillRoyMcBill 1 year ago
I appretiate it when people bring up my negative traits. But i'd hold the mirror in a subtle way
mohedd 1 year ago
I would have helped him, then shared your true feelings -- holding the fun house mirror in his face. That's what friends are for!
RoadTweeker 1 year ago
I would first seriously help. then once he sees i am their for his benefit, I would slip in, "see this is where that thinking positive bullshit just dont work" hahaha then maybe he would see that its not a great way to solve problems.
anonforuz 1 year ago
I think i experienced rather the same situation you just described with a friend of mine too.
Idk. if it's the best solution but here i what i did: i tried to help him as much as i could when the problem was fresh and he was quite upset about it. But when everything clamed down a bit - about 3-4 weeks later - i remembered him of his own words... and that they don't help all the time... not in the context of HIS actual issue but as a general statement... never heard this s*** anymore ^^
BalthazzarCH 1 year ago
i dont think hes wrong for being hypocritical he was only trying to help u out by telling u to spread peace and love, would u rather have him tell u to spread chaos and hate just for the sake of not being hypocritical?
ipwnm00bs 1 year ago
I would have done both. I would have held that fun house mirror right on up to get a good laugh (if he's the type that could take a joke like that) and then I would've followed up with insight as I'm sure you did with him. Sometimes people can dose of their own medicine if you give them somethings sweet (laughter) to down it with. =)
lloyd614 1 year ago
You sounded to me like you had some question about whether your experience and response "need any fixing." Whether or not you ever say to that "friend" what you thought of his response to you, you have an opportunity to MODEL for him what response you might have valued more than whatever one he previously offered: "dude, just think positive!" What would you like for him to have said to you? Maybe: "Wow, I hear you, man!"
144jr144 1 year ago
I would listen to his problems and seek to help him solve them to the best of my ability then when having done that I would make him aware of how I had felt that he had not taken my issues serious when he told me to just think posetive and dismissed me. But having said this I would never be in that position as I would have told him in the first place ;) honest as I am
TheRenekruse 1 year ago
Thank you for saying this! This is something that needs to be said, and you did it in an intelligent way. Plus I like your vintage tone to the video.
I have run into the same thing among the 'peace, love and harmony' crowd. They preach that endlessly, but then blow up at me when they find out I'm a vet. Then they call me names. So much for their peace, love and harmony. They seem to be the newest group of fundamentalists.
LiechtensteinFilms 2 years ago
sometimes you need to just listen to people and let them get it off their chest. Allow them to wallow in self-pity. Give them a couple of days them tell them to start thinking positively.
Positive thought can always help which isn't to say that issues are not genuine.
tijhan 2 years ago
It sounds like your friend is a victim of that Oprah pushed book of oddity called "The Secret". How many friendships did that book break up I wonder?
callouschristian 2 years ago
From my experience, I can only use the 'let them know' card when it's someone I really am acquainted with, like someone you're around alot if not all the time. When it's people I don't know, they give me the 'inside joke' look. Even then, if it's an issue I KNOW is going to bother them, I'd just give them their space. But something I would never do, is go against what I'm thinking - like just telling them, 'yeah you're right' even if you don't agree. The best knowledge is attained by one's self.
MachoLibRey 2 years ago
well if he you had problems and he didnt help you but expected you to help in return then he is not really a friend and you shoudn give him the time of day, oh and your vid at the begining made me miss an old friend who i stoped taking too, but by the end of your vid you reminded me why i stopped taking to her, it was always about her and never took time to hear me out lol thanks for that man
yankeepunk3000 2 years ago
I'm sure you'll never see this but, I would say your "friend" is not the friend you portray him to be. Couldn't you tell during previous visits he was prone to this sort of duplicity? I can't believe you hadn't noticed. If you had and kept him as a friend it is on you. If you hadn't, I wonder how you "read" your friends and on what basis you make and keep friends. Knowing that people are ruled by their moods I'd let it go. My friends would laugh if I lightheartedly mirrored this back at them.
Philinspaces 2 years ago
I think he was a hypocrite and egotistical like you said, but people do that all the time without noticing it.
TKnightcrawler 2 years ago
this guy is a hypocrite. He never criticises his own religion islam, but he hates all jews, judsiam, israel, USA and christians, and yet accuse them of biggotry.
Fuck this ugly son of whore.
fuck you proteanview.
EngelbrethHader 2 years ago
@grandguignolplanet
well said. I know quite a few of those self absorbed peacenick new age assholes that condemn everyone else and yet are themselves the most intolerable sacks of hypocritical shits themselves! They love to lecture people about peace, love and tolerance and yet are the most intolerant of people's opinions themselves!
Those are the types that would kill you for not spreading "love" if they had the guns!
shitonMOHAMMAD 2 years ago
I believe you should help him first, but also point out what is wrong with his point of view
I you think he wont take it very well, just start by saying it as a joke, he'll probably start thinking about it deeper later on.
Grtz!
dailyntel 2 years ago
I believe all hypocrisy, no matter who or what needs to be addressed.
meloveanna 2 years ago
I would say if you have a friend that says what you have to say is not that important, but you should stop the presses whenever he utters a word, then you do not have a fair communicational friendship. Friends should be able to bite their tongues when the other talks, but it should go for both people of the spectrum and both should be able to equally speak their mind.
orgexy 2 years ago
I would have said "see there are a lot of things to be concerned about"
thinking positive on it's own does nothing
to me that's a way of saying go with the flow
wolfhalen 2 years ago
Nah man - I get that alot, people always want to feel connected.
What I would have done, as a pixel myself, is let him get to his emotional/energy crescendo (thats all it was, was a vent and he chose you, an impartial listener/friend) and then give him back a happy "dood, its all good, just pay it forward and never look back"
That is in fact what he was searching for, not agreeance, but the same as he offered you.
MilitantPeaceist 2 years ago
psychology, when reverse engineered, looks hypocritical, but in its basic form, is a projection and cry for assistance to be told what they tell you.
cheers 8)
MilitantPeaceist 2 years ago
i always honestly say my view on the matter, and let them be the judge. everyone knows, talking with me is getting an honest opinion.
well, except for family. i always lie and avoid discussion with them.
lygophile 2 years ago
Your a good friend. I have to do this with friend all the time.
loszhor 2 years ago
You most definitely did the right thing. Unless this person is extremely shallow of thought, he will have realised that his mind over matter approach hadn't worked, and that you were plainly aware of this. By simply helping him, you showed that this was of more importance to you than proving a point for yourself (however understandable).
Nice restraint, that's what makes a man (in my semi-adopted view).
ViolentRiC 2 years ago
maybe your freind give you the tools to deal with him because yuoa re who you are
revlations 2 years ago
Most people don't even know they are being hypocritical. They are in the moment and they explode without thinking about their "positivity" motto. Which only goes to show how fake that motto is, they can't even control themselves according to it when feelings come out.
I would have just reminded him that I understand he is upset, but that last time I was upset and he dismissed me with "be positive" instead of listening to me.
grumpone 2 years ago
i would probably as him if he tried thinking positive. i'd make him realize that that was what he did, but then i'd help him
Ap0colyps6 2 years ago
My very dear friend who espouses the idea that we create our reality by our thoughts wanted me to help him bring back a sailboat from Annapolis in February. He was adamant that positive thinking would cover any of my expressed concerns about the weather. The brutal weather and a couple of storms later which nearly killed us impressed upon me that while leaning toward the positive is likely a good idea, the universe has thoughts of it's own and you better damn well align yourself with them.
bonook8 2 years ago 10
bonook8
Hilarious. Yeah, you're not the only one with 'thoughts,'... 'positive' or otherwise. Apparently, some thoughts take precedence over others.
proteanview 2 years ago 5
@bonook8 In other words, you were positive you were going to get your ass soaked in the flood(s) of Noah.....
williamskidfears 1 year ago
I would continue to listen to them, but if they were to blow me off again, I would let them know what they are doing. Sometimes you end up talking to the "Power of Nowers" and they're all hopped up on positive energy and they stop noticing when they are just being disrespectful. There is a time for compassion, but when there is none in return, you must be firm and demand a basic respect that you are providing them with.
franzjoseph88 2 years ago
Ah, and to answer the question, I would have pointed out his hypocrisy there. Only I would have been careful about how. Basically, when he was doing his bitching, he was looking for support - he was vulnerable. I would have first given him my best REAL advice, and tried to find a reasonable resolution. Then, at the end, I would have been like, "you see how it takes more than just 'thinking positive' to resolve these things? Yeah, it works like that for other people too, bro."
But that's me.
MusicalAdrian 2 years ago
Yeah man, I had a friend that did this to me. I was feeling down because I had been having really bad luck with the ladies. She basically told me that I was having the bad luck because of the "bad vibes" I was sending out.
She was full of shit, switching the cause for the effect. Sweet girl, good person... stupid advice.
MusicalAdrian 2 years ago
Anger is a normal human emotion, but trying to see to the root of it, and resolving it, in a manner which causes the least harm to yourself and others, is a positive thing. So while we should not pretend that we are always happy and always be be smiling on the outside, we should try to find lessons in life which allow use to make positive changes in how we act and think. Whatever philosophy your friend had found, was far too simplistic for the real world.
Untemperedsteel 2 years ago
nope i would've flat out used his line back on him. probably why i only see my "friends" 4 or 5 times a yr as well.
javsmom 2 years ago
I'd let him know and let that be the end of the conversation to let them think about that and find other things you could do together aha.
ampallang7 2 years ago
I'd say you played the good friend. If you have an issue with it, try broaching it from an assertive standpoint.
KushinLos 2 years ago
hmm its hard to say without knowing the nature of the issues that each of you had. I personally would have asked/reminded him about the possitive thought/intention aspect of it, not to throw it in his face but to just bring him back to that state of thinking. This would have shown you(and maybe even himself) his true thoughts on the whole thing as well.
Have you seen 'the secret'? if not, id recomend it to see where hes coming from. also 'what the bleep do we know- down the rabbit hole'.
stonereflex 2 years ago
I'm voting for the fun house mirror!! If someone did that to me, I'd never relate to him/her the same way again. I want a little empathy, please, (since I give it out freely), or I will never share anything more than the smallest of small talk with that person again.
Donnatella624 2 years ago
- lose your house,+don't have to cut the grass, - no money,+ lose that weight you have been wanting off,- no job,+ you get to sleep in!, -NWO trying to enslave you,+ you don't have to think for yourself. Come on man lets all be positive!
anyonefindAMERICA 2 years ago
In my opinion, there could be 2 possible reasons for his 'be positive!' response to your concerns.
1. He doesn't have deep thoughts, or deep understandings, so he gave you what he honestly thought was good advice.
2. He is self-centered & doesn't really care about your concerns. He'd much rather talk about himself.
Is he clueless or selfish in other ways?
If selfish, then he may not really be your friend.
If clueless, be patient. In the end, he's a friend, & friends are good to have.
Booofrthefirst 2 years ago
Wait but he never,,,,,or you never said that he said that thats the way he counters - situations. So he was maybe giving you advice thats advice still to him personally.
wackassegyption 2 years ago
Dear Ed, What I'm about to say may not pertain to your situation, only to what has been my experience with some (not all) people who routinely give that type of advice to others. Some of them just say stuff like that when they want shut other people up. It's true, Ed. It's NOT always like that. Sometimes a change of attitude can bring about good results, but obviously there's times when no amount of 'good energy' is going to be able to solve problems that involve dealing with nasty people, etc
hopeforamerika 2 years ago
I think you did what I do regularly...because I was raised to "do unto others".
Now...that doesn't mean that you have to continue to submit yourself to him, if he doesn't pick up on what you're doing. ;)
yubbayubba 2 years ago
I might seriously ask him why the "peace and hair grease" wasn't working for him .
jojo808 2 years ago
There could be several reasons that he responded that way, he's doesn't feel as close to you so he gave you a canned response, he couldn't think of anything useful to say, he didn't think there was a solution to your problem.etc. Sometimes people just want to vent. I think it's a good idea to always tell a friend what you're really thinking. It's test whether or not you really are friends, and it eliminates the regret of not speaking up afterwards.
aliceeatsdorothy 2 years ago
I would definitely let him know. Not so much to rub in his face. Even though that would definitely be part of it-- to both find out if that is what he really believes in doing and if so to try and reinforce his own beliefs onto himself so he can get his mind straight and figure out his issues.
ngamer3k 2 years ago
I say you hold that funhouse mirror right up to your friend's face. Then smash it over his head!
Naw, but seriously, perhaps it could've been a bit helpful if he or she could see that it's not as simple as smiling your problems away. I mean, you don't have to say the same thing said to you, but make your friend aware of the turn of events/roles.
Great vid! Love the title and topic.
Arosukir6 2 years ago
Arosukir6
*Then smash it over his head!*
That's sick... very funny
proteanview 2 years ago
I would be as real and as genuine as I could be. Even if I'm down, I realize my growth is attached to my sincerity and realization.
femmepen 2 years ago
You hit the nail on the head at 2:25. Sounds like he really didn't give a shit about your issues and blew them off.
dellamalo 2 years ago
Positive energy doesn't seem to work for him then... not sure if I'd point that out to him though
AsheIsTheRaven 2 years ago
I don't understand what friendship is if it doesn't involve honesty. Of course, honesty should be tempered with tact. But if this person has a history of dismissing your concerns, maybe he needs a wake up call.
pirbird14 2 years ago
Very well said. I am an optimist but that doesn't mean that I find life is all joy. I am angered by many things is my life and the world at large but due to having practiced optimism for over a decade, this allows me to return to center.
love the song "Age of Aquarius" and "I Can See Clearly Now." Listening to these songs help me when I feeling sad or helpless.
I yearn for peace but I don't use the word love which I see as an emotional or sexual attachment.
Loving compassion to you.
smokeandmirrors67 2 years ago
Misapplication of "peace & love", such as it being pushed on you to discredit your legitimate feelings, is of course ugly stuff, and you should have pushed it back on him when he was having troubles so he could see the folly. But I'd add that the "peace & love" mindset isn't completely useless simply because it can be used in inappropriate situations. Is love itself a joke simply because it can be inappropriately placed?
CannabisHeals 2 years ago
Good question. I would have listened, given him my opinion on things, but also would have told him what he said to me a week ago and how that made me feel. It is absolutely important for people to criticize each other. I noticed that only my husband and my mother criticize me and give me real feedback on my bahavior. Nobody else either dares or cares. Not good. We all need to criticize more in our society, without being mean of course. It would move us as a whole society forward.
redwoodforesttwo 2 years ago
Sorry I meant to click +1 but hit -1
ThePipersNicks 2 years ago 2
fail. lmfao. jk, bro.
Sonnyxleet 2 years ago
Interesting.
btbking 2 years ago
I would've given him the serious thought. But if he kept giving me the "thinking positive" answer whenever I talked about my issues, I'd eventually give him "the fun house mirror".
Rokasomee 2 years ago
I think you should have put up the "fun house mirror" as you put it, but in a soft kind of way. In a way that doesn't express it to him so he feels attacked, but to just lay it out there.
InsanePoet314 2 years ago
This may have been resolved already, at any rate, just tell him how you feel--that if you're going to listen to him, give him time, sympathy, advice, you want the same from him; you want him to stop being a hypocrite. If he feels your issues are below him or something, then no longer interact with the guy on those terms.
UnhealthySalad 2 years ago
I think you answered your own question at the end of video: LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Sure you could have done just as he had, and given your power away allowing him to change who you are. The day you needed understanding and empathy he wasn't really there for you, but you resisted the urge to make it about you and treated him the way you wish you had been treated. Sometimes we have to accept that we are at a deeper place in our growth, and assume the responsibility it affords us.
overturnthefed 2 years ago 2
i agree with this. there's always the easy option of lowering yourself and paying someone out for their lack of comprehension or you could just keep your own values and respect the fact that they are behind you and care for them indifferently as you would a child
wherewasyou 2 years ago
totally agree. religious believers are the worst especially wen they preach about it
MegaWiiwii 2 years ago
It's hard to make someone hear in a language they don't understand
Momma always said don't do evil for evil. No matter how tempting.
ultravulva 2 years ago
honestly, when you are a bit down and try to share, it is such a bs to responde "just be positive" I would have felt just as put off.
TheSingaling 2 years ago
maybe what your friend meant for you is not to dwell on the negative, but certainly dont "dwell" on the positive for that is denial, but instead, putting forth positive energy in the universe is only calling for positive outcomes or conclusions to your strife.
i think what your friend, like many people who may not be able to empathize with a certain situation, was helping you the best way he knew how...
dontyouwannabecool 2 years ago 2
contd) for me thinking "positive" means allowing everything to "be okay" in the end, and having hope. we can never change what happened in the past, and we can rarely change the present states of things, but we can manipulate the future, and thinking positive is the only way to manifest positive things.
your friend probably didnt have the understanding of your situation, so i definitely dont think he was in the "wrong," his advice was perhaps simply meant to be neutral from lack of experience
dontyouwannabecool 2 years ago
contd) i feel that if you were able to help your friend by understanding his situation, that doesnt necessarily make you the better friend.. it just means you've more experience in his matter.
if not, then neutral advice like "think positive," or "manifest positive outcomes," is a good way to get him started on making things better for himself.
in the end friends dont like to see friends dwell. dwelling is counter-productive.
dontyouwannabecool 2 years ago
XD
You know... it happens to me all the time. But, I still hang on, and give them advice.
I'm really passive btw.
Uhhxhi 2 years ago
ya know, I think...it wld depend on the day or...my issues that he brushed aside. I think on a good day... & if he is a good friend, I might behave myself....but I have to admit, MOST likely...I wld have parroted his words back to him, or avoided the phone call all together.....But thats me ;-)
taffygirlgood 2 years ago
taffygirlgood
That's me.
I wasn't taking some moral high road.
He just caught me on a good day.
proteanview 2 years ago
Lol! If you are as outspoken as I am....He doesnt know how lucky he is! Keep the vids coming.
taffygirlgood 2 years ago
you remind me about my papaw he used to talk to me about war and other things
THANKS MAN
monkeyboyofthetree 2 years ago
You should have given him advice about his issues, then pointed out what he told you. ( wouldn't go about it in a "AHA I GOT YOU!" way. More of a to the point, and respectful way. I get a sense of where he's at, and he needs to see where he may not be open minded at.
IMO, it's always good for people to get things off their chest, and if it bothered you, then you are entitled to speak your mind. How you go about that is ultimately for your judgment.
xardas77 2 years ago
hm, a difficult question you have put out there.
my answer would be; be truthfull, if you lie about it it'll only come back to haunt you.
some points may be difficult, so you a warning in advance might be appropriate.
trying to do it tactfull can lead to misunderstanding and hurt you eventually.
if that person is a true friend, (s)he doesn't have to like it, but (s)he must be willing to accept that part of you too.
so afterwards, you still be able to have a drink together and a good laugh
prognemesiss 2 years ago
Shave! Or something, Or are you trying to make another point.
90sTeenWonder1992 2 years ago
Maybe try to work in the peace and love stuff, but nicely. It was obviously what he believed the week before. You would have become more like the woman you mentioned that you admired.
One suggestion: can you let you vids run a sec or two more at the end? You have a tendency to chop the last word. I just watched you for 2:48. 2:50 won't hurt :-)
mikeporterinmd 2 years ago
I'm generally a positive guy.
But, sometimes when peole say, " hey, just be more positive and it'll be OK", it pisses me off. Not because I think they're not genuine, but because I am positive...and sometimes no amount of being blindly happy will change the situation.
Sometimes we need to not be positive?
Yeah, I might have reciprocated his "smile in the face of despair" line too.
macbadapple 2 years ago
I would have told the friend, if he was mine, what he told me. I wouldn't have said it in a bitter, nasty way though.
The way I see a mask of positive thinking is more damaging. You're just blocking the bad and not fixing them, or facing them in the slightest. I guess it's the same with things like depression, and using anti-depressants. Those wont fix anything.
angelxsid 2 years ago
I would have said his "positive" comment back to him.
There are moments in life, it seems like many, where a situation arises and there is this natural feeling of what you are supposed to do or supposed to say.
From my experience, it is good to follow that feeling. It may lead the friend to be mad in the short run, but it works out for the best in the end.
I know I am unusual, but I practically never guard what I say. I just let it fly...
moulingalette 2 years ago
Let the friend know... but tactfully. I have found (and I'm not so good at this technique myself but have perceived its use on me) that people respond better if there is discussion that points the way to them "solving the problem for themselves." Give hints but don't clobber them with a judgement--this can shut them down toward a solution. You might even save a telling anecdote until after the conversation has gone on to some other topic. Gently. Subtly.
mapmanic 2 years ago
It's really not fair to ask us what we would do, because we are only getting your side of the story.Was he really dismissing your problems or was he just not reacting the way you wanted?Not everyone can be as intuitive as your "perfect" friend.Maybe he truly felt he was trying to help you.Obviously, there are visual cues that only know about to make that judgment.I'd say, choose your battles. If he's a casual friend,,just let it go.
tet43 2 years ago
but an insult, these days is something people love to leave as they go by, either out of jealousy or plain stupidity, or even disdain for a fellow HUMAN.
totally wrong. and you are right, it is so hard to maintain ones goodwill and calm composure with certain others among us.
5/5 man, you sound like you really care about the world, and i think thats better then just living life...or living it any other way then this, with a good head and a good heart.
peace ^^
zero1gmv 2 years ago
i put up with nothing, if i like someone...i don't mind who they are at all.
if someone attacks me personally...it takes alot to control my anger at the gall and audacity of another, to get in my face...over my opinions and feelings.
i give every other man and woman the same rights i expect of myself.
zero1gmv 2 years ago
real hard to be kind to a fellow man who acts like everyone else is an alien...and all people do it to everyone.
so much bad crap has happened in the world, its hard for people to take a leap of faith and create relationships with one another, of anykind.
nwo...really, seems everyone WANTS to get screwed over and enslaved. real rough stuff.
zero1gmv 2 years ago
People like that are annoying, my cousins like that, every time I'm in a pissy mood she tells me to find god then asks what's up. She's like that I ask her what's up and that it, but hey, you're supposed to be there for family and friends even if they bug the shit out of you.
I'd have stayed quiet though, and do frequently Protean.
thatmansonkid 2 years ago
Like you said, friendship is a give and take deal...I wouldn't cut off an old friend for 1 or 2 bad conversations but once someone's core values have taken a huge turn sometimes ppl just grow further and further apart.
Nebbyker 2 years ago
you do know he is properly watching this. I would just keep my mouth shut and listen to what he said even if I wanted to say to him to think positive I think that would cause a fight. a true friend would'nt do that even if he was the one who told me to think positive. when he was in a better mood I would joke with him about it. ;)
crewlla 2 years ago
good video
IhaveTubes 2 years ago
I think in this case, though your question is valid, it is more or less irrelevant. Our minds are programmed to think our own issues are more important than others. Rightfully so too. Your issues have little to no relevance to his life, and vice versa. I guess the better question in this case is which response makes you a better friend? Or better yet, do you value the friendship enough to bother yourself with something that is rather irrelevant to your own life?
Gaisko 2 years ago
Hey, you are who you appear to be, for all intents and purposes. If you consistently throw stuff back in people's faces you're the as**ole. If you want to be a friend, act like a friend. You would know from the situation if it was more important that he learn his lesson or to give good advice on his problem. You chose to be the friend, so there you are.
granulorhoek 2 years ago
I'm very outspoken and would state that although there is power in positive thinking, our lives need balance and those who care about change need to speak up. If we don't, well-- Bush was elected for eight FUCKING unpositive years?
I just watched another video on the horrors of children being blown up, underfed, abused. etc.. I'm going to send an airplane over their torn & emaciated bodies and drop pamphlets that say, "Just Think Positive thoughts and this will take care of your problems"
emeralds222 2 years ago
Thank you, Emeralds.
AnomalyEroteme 2 years ago
Anytime :)
emeralds222 2 years ago
I'd keep giving him and his problems considered attention without mentioning how he was a "just be positive" guy before, at least for a while. Then if next time you have issues you need his input on, he gives you that tired line again, call him on it.
Friends are worth putting up with.
trisoctehedron 2 years ago
This kind of thing seems to happen a lot. I find that many people expect my help, or the help of others, to work through their problems, but will not spend the time or energy to return the favour. Generally, I find myself giving advice regardless, but gradually drifting away from those kinds of friends...
kittycatbrat84 2 years ago
Ed, I think you did the right thing, sometimes our friends or ourselves just need an friendly ear to bend, regardless of what he may have said to you a week prior, throwing his advice back in his face would have been rude, IMHO.
yes, he coming back and ranting to you like that was somewhat hypocritical but aren't we all from time to time?
AbdultheImpailler 2 years ago
I find myself in this sort of position a lot recently. I get annoyed when people dismiss my problems as if they don't exist and then suddenly have a truckload of their own, but they expect some kind of insightful advice.
Personally, i tend to react like you did and just hold back the annoyance, but i'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. I think people who are that blunt sometimes need an equal force to shock them into gear, even if it requires "acting out of character" in a way.
ArchetypeZero 2 years ago
so it's not that your friend is a hypocrite or anything, it's just that he is attached to certain views of reality and can't see reality as it is. well, in a way we all see reality as it is, but he can't see reality as it is in a way which is detached from all views.
anyways, this may be hard to grasp. it was and still is for me at times, and it will probably still be hard to grasp completely for a long time
god0fmusic 2 years ago
i think i used to be like your friend... but now i realize that it's all about this one and unique encounter with life in the here and now. THIS is the ultimate source of advice and the ultimate truth, and the attempt to conceptualize reality into things like "putting possitive energy vs. feeling like shit" doesn't work and it doesn't match up with this one and unique encounter with the here and now.
god0fmusic 2 years ago
Some friends would prefer to hear your honest advice when they call you up, rather than have you bite your tongue.
If I were him, I'd have liked you saying "whatever happened to just be positive?"
drutter 2 years ago
It might have been a good thing to give him the same advice he gave you.
Everyone needs a friendly reminder. If he thinks ill of you for reminding him of his own advice; then your friend has some other issues.
StuffedAnimalAdvisor 2 years ago
now,i am very aware of all the lack of REALITY in this fuckin world so i wont tell anyone to just think positive because in the current human condition that just isnt possible in the reality of things.
all you can really do is tell people to be reasonable and maintain your own integrated honesty with an understanding of reality,otherwise youll end up in a snowball effect causing a bout of depression.ive been through three of them.
just try to be rational to keep your head together.
TLSlayer 2 years ago
I prefer to WORRY about employment without getting bogged down by it - it would keep me moving at least.
SwobyJ 2 years ago
"Ya I just shut up & listened, thinking," What do you know about why I should be positive right about now?"
..................I think electricity is killing us.
How long have humans been on the planet? How long have we had electricity as a part of our lives? Tonight, shut off the breaker box & go to sleep.You will be suprised at the change in tension.
dumfree254 2 years ago
I know where your coming from. I hate that new age bullshit attitude about "oh no, negative energy" "Don't say anything unless it's positive!"
Tell these idiots to go f**k themselves and grow up. The world ain't all pie in the sky!
xxCaligula 2 years ago
And next time the dick complains, just tell then it aint worth your time.
Evilenlil 2 years ago
I don't know that I'd be able to resist at least asking him how he'd respond if I just said that to him, and if it sounded like someone telling him to just "suck it up". Ultimately, your friend, your judgment. Seems he's over with that "phase" he was in, right? Maybe ask him if "Piece and love" stopped working for him? Well, my advice isn't advisable, otherwise you could end up with as few friends as I have. ;)
RichardRoy2 2 years ago
I would have told him what he told you. People who dismiss the feelings of others, but expect you to pay attention to theirs really get on my nerves.
cannedhuman2000 2 years ago
I got attacked in the street, broad daylight for not listening to instict. And it was far more unpleasent that biting on my tongue, no I wasnt being a samaritan, I was minding my own business and simply looking at people is enough to spark that neanderthal brain of thiers into action.
Why didnt you just leave the venue if you didnt want to listen to the other parties 'revelation'.
SecretTrollAccount1 2 years ago
One of the things I've always lacked in are social protocols wherein all parties play the role of some kind of pyscho-analyst and figuratively determine our proverbial relationships to our mothers.
Now since we're on the topic of mothers, my MAMA always told me "say what you mean and mean what you say."
Be a little irreverant Protean and run with your impulse. I'll bet you anything that subconciously your friend wanted you to call him out. It might offend at first, he'll respect u.
okturus 2 years ago
sometimes I have difficulty discerning your speech...
bitesh 2 years ago
This 'think positive' thing has been way over-rated + actually it's become more or less an advertising slogan. Sure, there some benefits to positive thinking, but eventually reality kick in, which can be either positive or negative. Too much 'posiitive thinking' actually keeps you in a bubble. Does anyone realize how many self-help books are published every year? Most of it is crack psychology and the authors are laughing all the way to the bank :)
55ella2007k 2 years ago
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
Thats thinking postively but the pacafist movement would have you believe its an aggressive hence negative philosophy.
I carry a pacafist in my pocket (mobile phone with those assholey samaritans on speed dial) and I walk softly with big sticks.
SecretTrollAccount1 2 years ago
I wouldnt have bit my tongue.. I would have told him in the middle of hi sentence to, "just be positive".. then laugh it off and continued listening to what he had to say.
piratedebo 2 years ago
sometimes, we just need a listener. ..
yassau 2 years ago
Your Friend is watching this RIGHT NOW calling you an ASSHOLE.
IHS7 2 years ago
Proteanview, I think you once made a video in which you said that when we are not faced with a problem like addiction etc it is easy for us to judge the person struggling with the issue. It is easy because we are not struggling with it or have never been faced with that problem. I think the same goes for giving advice on "being positive". If we are not struggling with that specific problem or ever been faced with something similar it's easy to tell others to "just think positively".
sublimebeing 2 years ago 2
I would of said "Here's my peace & love" and then dropped my fuckin' pants down ;)
Life is shitty, Life is Beautiful, and it just seems it's always going to be that way, for my lifetyme anyways. That's just the way it is. There is nothing wrong with trying to think positive at times.
CinemaSounds 2 years ago
CinemaSounds
Ah, hell. You made me spit my salad out. Funny as hell. ...but, yeah, I agree. Life isn't supposed to be positive or negative. It's just life.
proteusview 2 years ago
I'm not saying you have to best friends and talk every single day clinging onto each other like you have no life but to say you talk 4 or 5 times due to all these other responsibilities is bs... and yea i have a life I'm a full time college student and have a full time job.. Hell I'm sure even the president has time to talk to a few of his real friends once a week but 4 or 5 times a year isn't a friend as I restate..
stopjoshing 2 years ago
When I was young, my best friends were those who were around me most. This is because we had a central meeting spot - school. This guy is a friend from school. When we graduated, there was no reason 2 jettison the friendship because of distance. 2 hours of distance, 3 kids & 50 hour work week doesn't allow 4 much time 2 get together, but he's known me much longer than most I see daily.
When u get older, friendships are based more on history & love 4 someone, not hours spent together.
proteusview 2 years ago
and it seems very unintelligent throwing out insults calling me a kid. seems rather that you have no strong backbone for your argument to begin with.
stopjoshing 2 years ago
thanks bro for sharing that with me. Yeah I admit i am young (24) and i have yet to learn all that there is in this life. Just going through things at this moment with supposed "friends" who claim they are that but never contact me, and yet want to use that word in vein. have a nice day =)
stopjoshing 2 years ago
It was the right thing to do. In the end, it's better to keep your friendship civil as much as possible.
gworksnell 2 years ago
Sounds like this guy read a book or saw a movie called The Secret, which is basically the newest incarnation of radical new age "if you think it you can make it happen" magical thinking. Every person I've met that talks that way (or has read that book) ends up being more than a little nuts in one way or another.
epicureanideal 2 years ago
Well, for me, my response would depend on how I felt. If I was still in the moment and more than a bit angry, I'd be petty and throw it right back in his face, not realizing the pettiness until I calm down. After calming down i'd figure out a way to explain what he did wrong in a polite manner and offer any advice with respect to it simply being how I would respond. I have a friend who does the same, projecting how he thinks as how the rest of the world thinks.
jjmblue7 2 years ago
lol well first off if you meet or talk 4 or 5 times a year your not friends. It seems that in this modern day people like to throw these terms around and not know the true meaning.. for instance "I love you" but for the fact he caught you off guard with his behavior means you don't know him as well as you thought. re-evaluate what the true meaning of friendship is.
stopjoshing 2 years ago
I have friends I only see a few times a year because they have moved away due to school, work, etc. Things can happen that don't seem important, for example inside jokes or acquired behaviors with new friends, that can change people a little bit at a time, so they don't notice the big change. Just my two cents on the issue.
jjmblue7 2 years ago
lol wake up.. this is a new millennium.. we dont live in the stone ages.. their is a thing called cell phones and the Internet.. trust me your "friends" can get hold of you but they dont give a shite.. so don't feed me this denial bs LOL
stopjoshing 2 years ago
Not everyone sees cell phones as wanted or necessary, particularly for constant use. Also, not everyone (weird, I know) talks to OTHER people while hanging out with friends. I have a few who do that and tell them to either hang out with that friend or stop tallking/texting to them. There are things, particularly non-verbal things, that don't come across in e-mails, texts, or phone calls, and verbal things that can't come across in e-mails or texts.
jjmblue7 2 years ago
Finally, you don't tell every friend or loved one every (at least seemingly) insignificant detail of your life away from them, and those are primarily the things I was talking about. Also, you sound like a kid, and most kids don't realize how inappropriate constant cell phone use is at work. I have a job and friends with jobs. We are responsible at our jobs, therefore we aren't on our cell phones at work.
jjmblue7 2 years ago
Outside of work there's sleep, errands, and hanging with other friends (whom I respect too much to talk to others not planning on joining us while wiht them) to constantly be telling everyone everything everyday.
jjmblue7 2 years ago
LOL bro your getting way off subject now. first of all im not talking about "butting" in on others converstation as you seem to say in your rambling. second off lets disregard cell phones and lets just say we did live in the "stone ages" but didn't mean that literally, just back before technologies like cell phones and computers.. their would be a thing called pen and paper in which we fold up and put in a cute little envolope to send to *gasps* other people in far off lands.
stopjoshing 2 years ago
Don't try to foist your incorrect interpretation of what a friend is on other people. A friend is anyone you are attached to by feelings of affection.
jgoemat 2 years ago
call 'em on it
patternsinchaos 2 years ago
haha haven't been in that sitch but whenever any of my christian friends bitch about life, i'm like 'maybe youre not praying hard enough.' i always feel like a dick afterwards tho lol.
StopmeatGoveg 2 years ago
You get back what you put out. His advice was sound but it is hard to think about what good can come from a trying situation. As far as your friend goes, we owe it to them to be honest. Great video for food thought.
TMOT.
tmotofga 2 years ago
A friend is a friend. You should have thrown that directly in his face. I have had similar situations with a couple of friends. If they really are a TRUE "friend", they will probably think about it, and see the error. Hypocritical actions and phrases are a form of lying to one's self. If you can't handle your own truths, you are not a worthwhile friend to anyone.
At the very worst, you can agree to disagree.
nishbrown 2 years ago
I love you.
emofacez 2 years ago
I could really go the other way too, Based on mood, and the wieght of the friend's problems...if they were "less serious" than the issues he "blew off"...in that situation I'd go for the funhouse mirror.
Satanail323 2 years ago
I would address the issue directly...coming back at him with his "solution" may come across as passive aggressive. I can see the conflict as with him dismissing your issues, and asking for concrete advice with his own... in the end it would be less productive for the friendship...some people aren't really good at talking with someone about problems that aren't thier own, in that reguard, I'd suggest trying to give the best advice I could, the passive agressive approach will only bring headache.
Satanail323 2 years ago
Totally depends on the person, how they would take it, what the issues are.
eibbore 2 years ago
depends on the issues
DP1066 2 years ago
I feel ya man. I hate that too. whenever someone comes to me with a problem i try to help find a solution. I think most people find that a little wierd though. It seems the normal idea of what is appropriate is to just show a little sympathy without actually sharing helpful ideas. On an unrelated note, why do people give hippies such a hard time? at least they WANTED to find meaning and positive change. That's more than today's youth subcultures can say. the hippies DID get stuff done.
MrCrunchybizzle 2 years ago 2