Added: 3 years ago
From: TheOnion
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  • don't forget the little hats!

  • I love dumbasses who think they are geniuses by pointing out truth in theonion. Please look up satire in the dictionary before you post a comment.

  • @kooldud444

    My wife watch's it and thinks it real, thanks for ruining it for her!

  • To be fair, that Million Dog March may have worked if that squirrel hadn't run by.

  • i would love to see this autotuned

  • "I don't like them hermit crabs!" XD

  • God The Onion is so funny, but there's just a smidge of truth and commentary on every world issue. I wish I wrote for this show.

  • 'Just keep throwing paint on people'

    LOL that is all PETA is good for.

  • it starts with animal parades... then the gay animal parades start... minority animal parades follow... ..where does it end...???

  • @TheYouwontgetit It ends right before the gay minority water buffalo rights parade can get together and organize. Damn water buffalo.

  • what is this a satire for racism

  • @ThePistolero909 Yeah! Ironically, people haven't understood that part yet....

  • clifford baynes is a badass.

  • "Yes, it's lovely"

  • Arturo Trejo is awesome!

  • is this the end of the world? im in shock

  • Comment removed

  • @hellomammaa apparently you can get more stupid, as you proved by thinking this was a real news segment

  • So you don't like us hermit crabs huh? Well FUCK YOU TOO! Do you know what it's like to lug around your home every moment of everyday of your life? Didn't think so, let alone crawling across a stupid key board just leave a hate comment on YouTube!

  • Look, if animals would just drop PETA like a hot rock, then they would immediately get 1000x more credibility.

  • Duncan Birch must write a new book every day

  • bush must have watched the onion "I believe humans and fish can coexist peacefully"

  • i thought i was the only one who hated those damn waterbuffalos

  • "..aaawwww don't forget the little hats!" lol!!

  • About animalsex: In Denmark we say it's okay as long as the animal doesn't suffer. :p

  • @ThaDane oh, but when the human suffers, it is still ok though?

  • you humans are all racist!

  • fuck the water buffalo

  • @starwarsblazer

    Yes, no one likes having crabs.

  • These guys are speciests!

  • People please stop thumps upping quotes, it ruins the best punchlines

  • @johntmang Shut up, people can thumbs up what they want.

  • the old guy to the far right looks like an old eminem

  • The only way to stop an animal from going extinct is to eat it.

  • lol, Clifford Banes is a busy guy

  • @starwarsblazer damn it i was gonna say that lmao

  • I wonder if Ingrid Newkirk has seen this...I doubt she'd get the joke though.

  • @realskpetic Some of the smartest minds in the world were theists. Its very difficult to find atheist who arent self absorbed and condescending.

  • oh god, the black lady on the panel is the best character. thank god the writers dont overuse her. she hits her mark every goddamn time!

  • @autobot69000 I agree! LOL

  • Oh, joy. Another idiotic religious debate on a video that has nothing to do with religion.

  • @megamantwelve And posting that comment just added to the debate well done.

  • @starwarsblazer

    I saw a mudcrab last week. Filthy creatures!

  • @GregTom2 I'VE FOUGHT MUD CRABS TOUGHER THAN YOU

  • @ 00:35 is she talking about the million man march? Thats fucked up and funny. 

  • As soon as my dog came into the room - I quickly closed the laptop.

  • I think humans working for human rights would do a lot more good than PETA is doing.

    If people were as against abortion as they are against animal abuse then maybe there wouldn't be so much hatred in the world. Humans loving other species and hating their own.. that does a heck of a lot of good.

  • LOL at 1:34

  • Just keep throwing paint on people... because people love having paint thrown on them! Yes Yes it's lovely! hahahahahhaa

  • Lol @hellop (below)

  • My dog wakes me at 5:30am for her walk. Then at 6:30pm she bites me if we aren't playing ball at the park. She makes me buy premium wet food. I walk behind her, literally, picking up her shit. Where's my rights!!!!!!

  • @realskpetic And why would you be laughing? What I find funny is how people believe they're atheists when they also claim that there is no God. To be atheist is to be without any believe system about God's existence or lack there of. You're closer to being theist than atheist judging by your comments.

  • @fmcneillii lol that is the absolute dumbest thing i have ever seen anybody type,

  • @fmcneillii Go look up the meaning of atheist. For f's sake, how stupid can you get to tell people they're wrong when it's so obvious that you're the one in the wrong.

    "Atheism is, in a broad sense, the rejection of belief in the existence of deities.[1] In a narrower sense, atheism is specifically the position that there are no deities.[2] Most inclusively, atheism is simply the absence of belief that any deities exist."

  • @comatose22 Actually the meaning of atheist is strictly the absence of belief in any deity not the belief in the absence of a deity. Actually try going to the source to find the definition instead online or in a dictionary you found in wall-mart. What you're thinking of is agnostic atheism which take a position of belief about god's existence or lack thereof. Atheism in it's purest sense is simply a lack of belief (notice the root a, which means without) in deities.

  • @comatose22 You lack understanding of the etymologically correct meaning of the word. A = without, theism = belief in a deity or deities. Where does it mean believing deities do not exist? Many people still do not understand what being atheist is truly about and it's kind of sad really.

  • @fmcneillii So what's your point, you did not disprove anything... my comment was mainly at what you said: "To be atheist is to be without any believe system about God's existence or lack there of."

    It does not say you can't be an atheist and believe that there is no God. It just says atheism is the lack of believing in a deity/deities. Not my quote nor you (in the comment I'm replying to) says anything about atheist meaning you necessarily dont believe in their absence either. Its unspecified

  • @comatose22 The term atheist or atheism ONLY applies to those who reject the belief of deities but does not make any positive claim what so ever about a deity's existence or lack of existence. An Agnostic is someone who makes a claim of belief. This is something that atheist themselves say very clearly when defining atheism. They say themselves they do not make positive claims either way about God or gods.

  • @fmcneillii Could you please give me a source because ANY of the results upon googling "atheism" says you're wrong. Some of them even state it may also mean an active disbelief in the existence of deities (for instance: " Atheism: lack of belief in God or active disbelief in God.")

    I'd be happy to believe you but the entire internet says otherwise.

  • @fmcneillii I can't see my last response, probably youtube failing.. anyway another thing: when looking up agnosticism, it results in "Agnosticism is the view that certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, but also other religious and metaphysical claims—are unknown or unknowable."

    Are you sure you're not mixing the two up?

  • @comatose22 Yeah you're right about the agnostic part so I was wrong about that. Honestly It been forever since I been in college talking about atheism and it's definition. All I know is that what they teach you is that atheism is rejecting the belief of God or gods not believing that a particular God or gods actually doesn't exist. It basically all about the burden of proof. Atheist generally say those who believe in God have the burden of proof because they make a positive claim.

  • @comatose22 But an atheist does not because he never actually makes a claim in the first place but only rejects the claim being presented to him.

  • @fmcneillii Atheists just dont believe in superstitious bullshit.

  • (creepy old lady) i dont like them hermitcrabs lololol XD

  • this issue is fuckin stupid what the importance of this animals having rights anyway what good is it gonna do to help our economy besides putting them in shelters let them free i would say

  • @1roiboi are you high?

  • Dude, I need to see this Clifford Banes guy. He sounds very interesting.

  • are you fucking kiddin me animal rights. What is next vaginal queefing?

  • @hashimotto , Piece of shit.

  • Fuck water buffalo's!

  • Wow, wtf is wrong with this news station? It's so freaking biased and racist.

    Those water buffalo racial slurs came out of fucking nowhere.

  • Hahahahahahahaha... that is all.

  • How the hell do they keep straight faces?!

  • I don't like them hermit crabs!

  • That black woman, Nancy I think her name is, is fucking hilarious.

  • 301010 viewer

  • Its a bit over the edge, considering how serious this issue is...

  • @TobiasQuintavalle Dude, you're such a whiny bitch. Stop fucking watching it if you don't like it. Suck my Peta

  • "I dont like them hermit crabs"

  • This is funny, but still it is making fun of a serious issue, Don't forget that animals should indeed have rights, and the they have the nerves to feel pain just as we do.

  • @ScarlettAtmosphere We need to be more sensitive to animal's culture. If they'll kill each other we should respect them by killing them too. Don't treat them differently than nature intended!

  • i luv me sum paint

  • fucking water buffaloes...get a job, dammit!

  • That's not true; some animals have been politcally conscious. Look at Napolean and Snowball. They started a whole new government...and then the former ran the latter out and corrupted the entire thing.

  • i find those two peoples prejudice very insulting! my father was a water buffalo and my mother was half hermit crab, and i must say that both are proud species! join me fellow hermit buffalos in fighting for our rights! we may be frowned on more than any other species but we must show the world that wee are not afraid!

  • Troll at 0:25

  • We need to stop all the animal on animal hate. Too many animals are killing their own kind, this needs to stop.

  • @zr1drifter you are fucked up

    

  • @KASEBROTFTW i agree. @deadithink is preaching on the wrong pulpit.

  • Its like Fox news....but more credible

  • @XxLIVRAxX I'd rather watch this than CNN.

  • @NJburbsSeeker I respect your taste, you have the right to choose whatever version of the accounts that you prefer

  • @XxLIVRAxX Go watch msnbc with that butched lesbian Rachael Maddow and the other Elitist

  • @TheJasonDR Elitist...of course, the term employ to define everyone who is not a neocon demagogue...enjoy the video :)

  • @XxLIVRAxX Elitist look down there noses on people that are not in there league ... for example Bill Oreilly graduated from Harvard ...the best school in the world but to liberals hes a moron ....Bill Oreilly is an accidental Elitist ...He attacks elites but he himself is one of them

  • @TheJasonDR Bill O Reilly is not consider a moron because hes a conservative, is because his a bigot and a homophobe, so am sorry but being graduated from Harvard does not give you immunity towards criticism..

  • @TheJasonDR Bill O Reilly is not consider a moron because hes a conservative, is because his a bigot and a homophobe, so am sorry but being graduated from Harvard does not give you immunity towards criticism..

  • @XxLIVRAxX yeah I know that .... wheres does Homophobia come in to this conversation ??? cuz men in general are homophobic .. but some experts believe homophobia protects men from being bisexual ...since most humans are bisexual .... think of woman ... also in the roman times men had sex with boys and it was all disgusting because we can all be bisexual and homophobia protects us from it

  • @TheJasonDR No my friend, Homophobia protects nothing, the whole conception of Human beings are Bisexual is debatable, but to consider it a form of protection of ones sexual identity is BS, I am a straight man and in pro of Gays enjoying the fulfilment of their civil and human rights, believe me, it will not change your sexuality, if the regular social contact with gays makes you question your sexuality, perhaps they are some unsolved aspects about your sexuality.

  • @XxLIVRAxX no no .... you just have to look at history and read up on ancient greece and ancient rome .... I mean even Achilles had a boy lover .... for god sakes

  • @XxLIVRAxX

    That's nonsense. Everyone knows Fox News is satire ^^

  • @OhManNoSpaces My Bad :)

  • @XxLIVRAxX You know that all new is biased. According to politifact, Fox News is less biased than MSNBC and CNN. They are just biased in a different direction.

  • @shiningbeans How exactly do you figure that? PolitiFact rates individuals, not groups. I see nothing on the site about news comparisons, and their pundit ratings are pretty sparse as their focus is on politicians statements. O'Reilly has 2 more false than true statements, Maddow 1, and Beck a staggering 13. Donna Brazile is the only CNN one so far, she's right +4. Olbermann evens out. Chris Matthews (MSNBC) +1 right. That's looking through 4 pages of pundits

    I rate your claim pants on fire.

  • @shiningbeans Now this doesn't tell us which is more biased, as that's impossible to measure and NOT what PolitiFact does. They measure accuracy. In this regard Fox does poorly, even if we take out Beck's statements. But this is hardly an exhaustive study, so I'd only cite PolitiFact as an interesting trend, not proof of anything. It definitely doesn't prove what you're claiming. Might want to look at what sources you cite say BEFORE you cite them in the future.

  • @Impulse725 Sorry that was from USNews. I just happen to check PolitiFact a lot as I see you do with your pants on fire reference. MY point anyway is that they are all biased and I hate Fox News anyway because I follow Ron Paul and they wont have him on.

  • im genuinely curious...why was that woman who hates hermit crabs actually in the video?

  • I miss this show and the Clifford Banes Into...bring the Clifford Banes into back!

  • "Just keep throwing paint on people"

    "Because people love having paint thrown on them"

    "Yes, it's lovely"

  • Wow, I never looked at it that way before, my dog has got a quite a fucking wake up call coming!!

  • "No one is going to argue with that point."

    "Well, I mean, some people do argue with that point."

    and then it's just dropped.

    Haha

  • @deadithink there is no god. get used to it.

  • @trecool212 There is a God, sorry to disappoint you.

  • @fmcneillii Santa doesnt exists, sorry to dissapoint you.

  • @Hyeesa Santa doesn't exist only because he died years ago.

  • @fmcneillii Touche! :)

  • The guy who starts talking at 0:31 kind of reminds me of Stephen Colbert... but with less hair

  • @KingDodongo1 Definitely, I noticed those mannerisms too

  • It is a matter of respect for animals , that's all. Suffering is suffering no amtter if is humane or animal suffering, and we cannot benefit from causing animals to suffer, it well known that the way you treat animals is he way you treat people , too.

  • AWESOME :D

  • when i hear the word PETA i start getting mad they dont understand that theres more animals then there is humans

  • @lilblizzard71 no dah humans are animals

  • @lilblizzard71 That is a poor comparison. It's like saying 'theres more animals then there is dogs.' Humans outnumber a majority of the animal species on the planet. Humans are animals as well, and should be treated as such.

  • @deadithink there just stupid fucking animals who care's everytime they have kid's they spit out like fucking six of them anyway and you have to be pretty narrow minded too think that there's more humans then there is animals and why should we be treated like animals thats just fucking stupid

  • @lilblizzard71 Child, you sound like you haven't even graduated high school yet. Humans are like lemmings who overpopulate the planet far beyond their usefulness and race to their own destruction. I see humans act animals all the time; I don't know why they should be treated differently. Blacks break into fistfights over a scuffed shoe, so either we lock them up in cages or give monkeys higher status in society. Blacks also have vast amounts of children that they refuse to care for.

  • @deadithink yeah what ever

  • @deadithink whats the matter cracker? scared of black people who gonna kick your ass? your kind should be put in kennels to breed and be eaten.

  • @pikachu25a You are not apart of this conversation and therefore will not be acknowledged. Your lack of education and content further reduces the potency of your words.

  • @pikachu25a That's funny to see someone talking shit on here with the name PIKACHU. What are you 12?

  • @deadithink "Humans are animals as well, and should be treated as such."

    Wait, what? Considering how we treat animals, I don't think that's gonna fly.

    Humans have established rights, and any rights that animals get are going to be given to them by us.

    We are in a different ballpark.

  • @philnoll Then treat animals that they have more worth than a laptop or Ipod. People nowadays treat animals like a toy and not a living creature. Just because we have reasoning doesn't make us that different then they are. We are animals, yet we still believe we are god. What will humanity do when we have exterminated all other life on the planet? Where do we go when humans are the only form of life one sees? If any other animal grew at the rate we did, we would've killed them long ago.

  • @deadithink We have reasoning, tools, language....all sorts of stuff that animals don't have.

    We are in agreement, cause I don't think we should exterminate all other life (nor could we.)

    But look. Other animals kill for food. If we're just animals, what's the problem?

  • when a buck learns to use a shotgun i'll stop hunting(maby)!

  • water buffalo LOL!

  • Lol, animal rights are bullshit.

  • @Iksbrown fuck u

  • @m1c000l

    You too kind sir. But I feel I should elaborate my position. Animal rights are just a stupid idea. Rights go hand in hand with responsibilities, you can't have one without the other. How are you going to make sure animals behave as productive members of society? Animal rights are just another bullshit attempt to control nature. I'd love to see someone explain rights to a hungry lion, and they after they get mauled, convict him for murder.

  • @Iksbrown rights go hand in hand with responsibilities? what utter rubbish. when people say that children dying in africa have the right to clean water and food it has nothing to do with the children having responsibilities. find a better way to argue your claim. groups like PETA are dickheads but there are some basic rights organisms are entitled too, such as the right to not be tortured and mutilated like they do with kocher and halal meat.

  • @AussiePolitics

    And where do these rights come from may I ask?

  • @Iksbrown note I am not arguing from PETA's position which takes everything to craziness, i am just stating that there it is rubbish to make the claim that you need to have responsibilities in order to have rights. that is utter crap.

    furthermore since you were the one who made that original claim and tried to say when they applied i think it is your precognitive to state where your version of rights comes from

  • @AussiePolitics

    this may sound cruel, but why should they have rights? How are we (society) benifited from more animal rights?

  • @OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp so your basis of morality is what something is worth to you? from a scientific perspective the rights of organisms is an expression of the selfish gene, protecting the genes it shares in common with every other species on the planet.

  • @OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp We aren't benefited from rights, but we injure ourselves with the loss of animals. Without animals rights, nothing stops corporations and mass conglomerates of humans from destroying animal populations. Personally, I look forward to the day where there are no more animals, and it becomes legal to own human beings.

  • @deadithink

    animal rights are the treatment of animals. Not, the right to kill them. I can kill birds all day, as long as its done "humanely", unless their on the endangered list.

  • @OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp The problem is the endangered list. Soon humans are going to be the only sentient living beings on the planet. That is what I'd like to avoid.

  • @deadithink

    nope.

  • @OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp Um... good response.

  • @Iksbrown i am not argueing that animals should have the same rights as humans of course and if rights go 'hand in hand with responsibilities' then perhaps you feel that young children and disabled people could be hurt or even killed because they cannot look after themselves and feed themselves. of course not.

  • WTF?

  • wow thats sad both highest rated comments are the same exact thing

  • @Hypercynx

    Yeah, well one's in caps at least.

  • Lol, "I don't like those hermit crabs!"

  • since 1896!!!!! lol!!

  • 67 water buffalo are fighting for their rights.

  • "just keep throwing paint on them; people love having paint thrown on them"

  • Lol. I support animals rights but I thought that was pretty funny.

  • just throw paint on people!

  • I swear, the names to these videos make me laugh by themselves.

  • I agree. Animals should be more conscious about this. I'm a cat, and I'm going to stop wearing fur after this. We need to set the example!

  • @hectiky  furfagottery eh?

  • @senhorengenheiro Ha! Nah. Just mildly humorous humor in the context of the clip. Got furries on the brain lately?

  • @hectiky well they are around. :D. have fun!

  • Animals have the right to be treated with love and care.

  • @songwriter4artists and eaten.

  • Hmm i've heard/seen better onion peels than this one...

  • lol yeees it's lovely!

  • "But if they ever want to vote, they had better start learnin' to march!"

    "I don't like those hermit crabs!"

    "Just keep throwin' paint on people!"

    Nancy should have her own show on cable! She's the smartes one on here!

  • hahaha the title was so curious this vid is so funny

    I don't like those hermit crabs!

  • How did they get Maxine Waters to show up for this?

  • Clifford Banes is hunting down the man who killed his father?

    ... thank god he's clearly not looking in the right place cuz I just woke up and would not be ready for a full assault...

  • @Headsetphobias LOL.

  • I like the non white token reporter the best.