Werewolves & Lollipops [Pt. 5]

[thewolffromhell66666]

patton stop bitching you found somthing we all look for in life and never find

[thSubliminalCriminal]

When he said, "goblins come out of the ground and rape you", I thought he said God will come out of the ground and rape you. Would have been real dope if he did though.

[sarahewright9]

OH SNAP RAPE GOBLINS!

[CornedBeefSurprise]

I AM ONE WITH THE GODS

[skoalwinter92]

weed

[ThaDoomin8er]

@skoalwinter92 woo

[nickyv917]

Is that you, Inappropriate Party Guy?

[Csp499]

"You're going to miss everything cool and die angry" is now a frequently used retort of mine.

[anthonymasonsbarber]

"my mother told me that if it's quiet for 15 minutes goblins come out of the ground and rape you."

how do you just improvise something like that? genius. my face hurts from laughing.

[em129836]

Dude fuck that heckler seriously. I mean it was funny as hell how Patton handled it, but I really wanted to hear the morning after pill store punchline...

[StanStickman]

@em129836 I have a sneak suspicion he was planted.

[JhericFury]

I love his retort of 'you're gonna miss everything cool and die angry!'

[gonnabagates]

2 people will die angry

[stfwho]

I know the thing in the beginning was intended to be exaggeratedly racist and over the top... but I live in Guatemala and I donno how many local news stories I've seen about people who got murdered over a $30 cell phone or white people getting murdered over their shit. WATCH THE FUCK OUT

[JTC545]

Is the cover guy eating a head or removing his face?

[Silenus6]

@JTC545 Exactly.

[Imnothecrazyone]

@JTC545 I think both.

[groundzer077]

Punch, drink, cry...

[bawhite125]

seriously, people need to shut the fuck up. thank gawd Oswalt ripped on him--attention seeking whore.

[metaltoad20]

Werewolves & Lollipops [Pt. 5] (there's a typo)

[InsaneBillykane]

1 persons phone was stolen from....ahh nvm.

[TheRestlessVagabond]

Werewoles?

[StoneColdKrishna]

we will carry high his standard of douchbaggery.

=D

[HaloRoxMySox47]

MEXICANS! BEEEP!

[Battleaxx007]

One douchnozzle disliked this video.

[Twilightdragon8]

@Battleaxx007 another douchenozzle disliked this video

[Clown5336]

bush was the best worst president of all time

[DarthMastadonP90]

I'm terrified of silence too... :`(

[SLAPnPOP726]

He ripped that guy 25 new assholes.

[limbdarkening]

Hehe, he actually has a daughter now.

[OcularPolitics]

@limbdarkening that poor son of a bitch xD

[pencapchewdraw]

Without that douche the comedy wouldn't have smelled as fine.

[ThumbprintTheatrics]

Stupid douchenosel!

[Minxinger]

There's no way i'm not pregnant, you came in my brain! fuckin hilarious!

[Denoyelleify]

Haha I love when he laughs and talks at the same time XD

[kaosgoblin]

Rape Goblins FTW!

[gophergun]

WOOHOOO

[NitroTitan]

PUNCH

DRINK

CRY.

[NitroTitan]

"I got Married last year"

*crowd begins to cheer*

"AWWW IT BURRRNSSS!!!!"

*crowd stops and lols"

[aaronbrakefield]

SKYNARD!!!

[laundryman713]

MEXICANS! BEEEP

[LoneMayMay]

Classic I love it! "Hey dad I threw your BladeRunner gun on the roof huh huh faggot. Maybe if you do ten push ups I'll go get it down" lmao!

[CaptainComposte]

wow, that heckler seriously screwed his joke up

[TheDmnt84]

MEXICANS! beep... HAHAHAHA

[stickdudex]

MEXICANS Beep

[Goynes42]

Heckler got OWNED.

[dodoheard]

Patt's right on the money.

[FriedAbortions]

Has anybody been raped? Then I think I've saved you all.

[Squibfire]

hey dad i threw your Blade Runner gun up on the roof huh huh faggot

[gfuzzy]

The fucking way he says "Huh-huh! Faggot!" makes me die laughing EVERY single time.

[TheOgres]

Well I most certainly think that this heckler has been paid but whatever, it's still funny as hell.

[ShaneTheOutlaw]

MEXICANS!...BEEEEP!!!

[falloutman]

I've always wondered what the "cell phone reference" meant in 'I Tell a Story About Birth Control and Deal with a Retarded Heckler'

[Shotgunnova]

@falloutman You mean when they go to Planned Parenthood? It's supposed to be a way of saying the place was full of hispanics/blacks, a throwback joke to an earlier skit.

[PwningTehNoobs]

@Shotgunnova OMG THANK YOU I WAS SO FUCKING STUMPED AND NEVER KNEW LMAO THAT MADE THE JOKE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER

[NightHowl92]

costco sells full sized cascets for like $865

[rewogq]

goblins come out of the ground.... scare the rape goblins away

[yotan46]

Broods of failure

[leftinashes]

He slaughtered that douche bag heckler for like 5 minutes straight! So good!

Patton is the shit!

[peteyrock1]

AWESOME Neuromancer reference. The man is a king amongst nerds.

[WPrebirtha]

He better say pussy soon!

[FFFFFFFFFUUUU]

6:30

AGGGHHHHHH!

[Applemask]

"Yeah, I was fuckin' her! I'm on basic cable, I get pussy."

[MooseyFate100]

There is no way I'm not pregnant, you came in my brain.

[Applemask]

(She's very beautiful).

[ebrandomail]

Patton Oswalt makes me happy

so do these guys...

watch?v=OXinKQAtFwg

Not affiliated, dont know them, im just an appreciative fan

"where the fuck is that pill!?!"

[mooseknuckle51]

Those rape goblins ain't no joke.

[jonasjgreen12345]

So we went to planned parenthood... Where my cellphone didn't work.

[IOYB]

LMAO at "Give him a body bag" after "sweep the leg".

I love it when people know their cultural references!

[salmonerd11]

i think he said skynard

[ShadowCrashed81]

SKINHEAD tard.

[jaredlocke]

whats he say at 6:48?

[IsaacB5679]

lol.... Rape Goblins!!!

[homicidemanex]

He got Douche Nozzel from the Ace man

[Meda01]

Who's ace man?

[homicidemanex]

Adam Carolla, the two are good friends. Patton has been on his radio show quiet a few times.

[cordonwho]

wat does the person say @ 9:27 ?

[retrovirus61]

get em a body bag

[Fill731]

"sweep the leg johnny" is a line from the movie karate kid then the heckeler yells another line from the movie "get him a body bag"

[hamguin47]

this guy is a genious

[butterfinger345]

Just SKINNARDS!

Oh god man, im sorry

it was like 50 seconds of quiet

[Pooklette]

Douche nozzle is my new favourite insult.

[Nitocolus]

"The nueromancers will carry on my douchebaggery!"

[Kevoooooooooooooooo]

Oh my God that was the best response to a heckler ever

[SongSephen]

@Kevoooooooooooooooo No one works the crowd like Patton

[WaketheFallen131]

I don't quite understand the "I thought Chubacca was real until Return of the Jedi" thing. lol

[uruseiranma]

There are some things that as a very young child you just believe.

Myself, I thought DeLoreans really could travel through time after seeing 'Back to the Future' when I was 6.

[pillowpantsforlife2]

"Fuck me for bulding a moment" LMFAO

[bleed2d34th]

he better say pussy soon or, AHHHHH

[TomMSTie]

"Here's a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, now SWEEP THE LEG JOHNNY!"

[beefMERCIFUL]

aw...MAN.... son...

[jguelker85]

a kill that will kill a baby

[johnlaneiscool]

"MEXICANS --BEEEEEP."

[Alex618mir]

i like the imitation of what his son would sound

[fcknBru]

i gave you a thumbs up... thought you should know

[Alex618mir]

oh man u convinced me of buying it,sure i can download on tpb but it deserved to be bought

[MoRgUe27]

so we went to planned parenthood.....where my cellphone didnt work....

hahahahaha

[yotan46]

Misinformed racist mom calldrop feature

[GuitarAntiHeroe]

lol he owned that griefer

[dronology]

...AND he knows who Tillie Olsen is! Awesome.

[zulium]

uh has no one been raped? then i think i'm right.

[thisissparta999]

he better say pussy soon or AHHH ...AAAAH

[harshroger]

ok Patton knows the pixies? MY FAV. BAND OF ALL TIMES!!! that's it Patton, i must hate you now, you are just 2 COOL & Awesome! he also mentioned Fugazzi and Bad brains, he clearly has good taste in music...

[dearyou1994]

Fugazi: sober people listening to reggae.

[harshroger]

LOL, Right, but that could be the difference, i mean, i don't particularly like Reggae, but i dig fugazzi, but oddly enough im a stoner... ha!

[thefrontrow1]

Look at these dead-eyed 25-year-olds trudging aroung with their little broods of failure trailing behind them.

You will pay a skinhead to kick your girlfriend in the stomach that's how bad it is.

[BananaHurricane]

Lmao, he's dead on about that

[Tulkastaldo]

the "neuromancers" line rocketed Patton into geek valhalla forever.

[AuReZo]

Are you talking about how his cell didnt work in the parenthood place?

If so.. Its because generally it would be full of black or hispanic people that get pregnant at a really yourng age etc... Thus going back to the previous joke about him saying his cell didnt work in black/hispanic residences.

Hope I helped.

[edgirallenjoe29]

Haha i watched this with some friends and they all lost it at that part and i just laughed to not seem like an idiot because i didnt get it. Thank you!

[MrK623]

Sweep the leg Johnny.

[chawk111]

Oh so Patton was like Bobby Hill from King of The Hill growing up....and he's a writer on that show. Great show btw.

[obie1963]

Did some guy yell "Freebird" at 2:35/2:36?

[ToruKun1]

"SKYNARD~!!! Oh shit, I'm sorry man." XD

[publicdrunkeness]

fucking wow! i love him ripping into that guy

[HeroAlmaz]

"2 things i know for sure..chewbacca's real and black people don't kill you for your cell phone" lmao xD

[BIGEC2525]

"i helped those kids out, I'm full of wisdom!"

[whoisJohnGalt3]

Viking sex on a burning ship. Loved that one!!

[ToruKun1]

I got married last year--OH IT BURNS!!!

You know father, the short stories of Tillie Olsen are a wonderful window into contemporary womanhood--PUNCH-DRINK-CRY!

[morganika]

Douchebaggery... Amen.

[MH5]

"I thought Chewbacca was real". Hilarious. "I got married last year. It burns!" Hilarious. "He's fine, he made chili." Hilarious. "Punch drink cry." Hilarious. Dang, I'm running out of room, this guy's so hilarious!

[swampwitch5]

"You're gonna miss everything cool and die angry." - awesome.

[yotan46]

I'm honestly considering making this my new internet insult for any arguments I get into. On the internet.

[Sikapossu75]

Well, I'm glad that douche screamed over that sentimental moment. Otherwise I would've never heard of rape goblins. From now on I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and save everyone from rape goblins.

[ghostinthesystem]

Amen, brother. My teachers always get pissed when I ward them off during a test, but they'll all thank me once they've learned about rape goblins.

[Squibfire]

oh hey look a jack kirby x-men BAM PREGNANT

[zachgrunge0]

"'There's no way I'm not pregnant, you came in my brain.'

-She's very beautiful.

[thisissparta999]

hey dad i threw your blade runner comic on the roof huh huh faggot

[CandyCane541]

I loved the voice he used when he said that. ROFL

[olivemike81]

maybe if you do three pushups I'll go get it down

[PhunkyFaroah]

lol I cried when I heard that part

[BLACKDDRAGON1082]

He better say pussy soon, AAHHHHHHH!!!

[TomMSTie]

Douchebaggery. Great word.

[LunchBox003]

"we went to planned parenthood..where my cell phone didn't work." LOL!

[Te4RHyP3]

could u explain that one i cant seem to understand it

[LunchBox003]

in the very beggining of this video she mentioned the cell phone thing and he said that he has no reception in the ghetto. So at 5:00 into this he mentions that his 'cell phone didn't work'

[TomMSTie]

"Now sweep the leg, Johnny!" LOL!

[thisissparta999]

MEXICANS beeeeeep!! racist cell phones LOL

[cruxbucket]

rape goblins haha.

[GoblinXXX]

HEY! >:(

[cruxbucket]

lol! dont rape goblins. the goblins that rape are funny

[GoblinXXX]

Heheh, to paraphrase Dave Chappelle, "Do you have any idea how hard it would be to CATCH and RAPE a goblin?" ;)

[Wasga]

or a pill that can kill a baby!

[Drroxxette]

WOOOH! PIXIES!!!

[xhippeex]

I just wanted to say it was in 06

[AntonioAntares]

Rape goblins, man not even Tolkien though of that. Patton is one creative mother!