I'm a overly nice person but family is a different story with me because they have no boundaries and love to talk shit about each other. When I stick up for myself I'm usually just shot down with a "thats stupid"( angry grandpa) sad but can't change them
I've been abused at home and never really learned how to stick up for myself because I've always been shit on at home and at school, which come to think of it is why I never really had any friends. This video helped alot for me.
I'm only in year 7 o just started secondary school and I think I need to stick up for myself more some people are racists to me sometimes saying mean things whenever they feel like it I just want to be treated the same way ! I do that whoever they might be! Sometimes I just ignore them when I can but sometimes it makes me cry but noonr knows thx for sharing
Great video man. I really need to try some of this stuff... See i've kinda turned into this guy who just lets people walk all over him now because i was too nice. I need to stand up for myself more and become the person that i truly am, although you try and respect and be nice to people you wont always get that back, and that's something that i've only just figured out. Sometimes you have to put your damn foot down.
I am just like how you described yourself, and I have run into the same problem that you have. I hope this video helps in the next encounter with whomever I may meet. Thank you!
good video mate its like the bully at school who used to pick on me when i was in high school one day i had enough of him pissing me off so when he was running his mouth i walked over to him put him on his ass after that nobody ever bullied me again at school
but there are certain situations where it's best to shut the fuck up
or risk your fucking head being stomped 6ft deep in the ground
i learnt from actual experience when i got the shit kicked out of me at the pub
Omg this is so true for me I usually just take what ever crap people throw at me and stay friends with people I don't like to avoid confrontation. I will watch this vid before I go back to school and remember to stick up for myself x
Funny, I'm 22 and had the same little light bulb. I was repeatedly getting car repairs done by a really shitty shop who treated me badly even after I paid them good money - I've Lived on my own for 3 years now, and realized after much frustration how pertinent it is to be highly assertive in intimidating circumstances. I'd had enough. I went into the shop, and 5' 9" me just leaned into this asshole much bigger than myself. To my surprise, he really almost cried. The car was fixed :) 1 up for me
Have u read a book call adult child of dysfunctional family it has more of what u just posted on your video . I love u for remaining me of you are right I can pick my own friend s . Your are a person I respect thank u
thank you for the video! 23 is not too old at all - I am almost 21 and still trying to learn this! It's always really nice to hear someone talk about this and be encouraging at the same time. It's hard sometimes to stick up for myself because I don't really know *what* to say, and I don't know what the consequences will be... but I know that I will feel better just for standing up for myself. So yeah! Thanks! Oh and that wine comment/conversation is awesome.
lol....wine muscles......j/k.....That was the first thought that ran down my fingers to the keyboard, but taking a mere minute more to think about it, I am the nice guy that always gets shitted on, and people talk down to. Yeah, I let it happen, your right. And I'm in the closet, that alone instills you with a sense of auto-guilt I think. Maybe tomorrow I'll pick a point in the day and say something when it happens....Thanks!
One particular person always does this to me. She's so negative, disrespectful (not just with me but with her own parents as well!), and just generally an unpleasant person to be around. I know why too, she's just insecure with herself so she's masking her true feelings with this aggressive front. Good thing I can see right through her. But I'm a human too, and I'm not gonna sit back and let her talk to me that way anymore! She's tried my patience! Time to stand up for myself!
doug i am 30 and have had this problem from a young age, especially with family, i always did try to stand up for myself but i was aggressively shouted back down. i have come along way since however, i only associate with people who respect me. I do still experience people trying to undermine me and put me down and i can normally stand up for myself but i find it hard to construct a sentence in confrontational situations and become embarrased - this is what the offender will then play on
Btw, there's nothing wrong with learning this at the age of 23. I'm 16 years old and I just learned how to be social, [long story short] but my mother always told me that some people never learn these important lessons in life, so it's better to learn it then not to learn it :] be proud of yourself.
Over the summer I was diagnosed with social anxiety. Besides the therapy,one way I fought against this anxiety was by setting my boundries and standing up for myself.
I still remind myself everynow and then to do so, and I find this video very helpful :]
yeah... want to see shit? go to my channel and look at the comments. (heh heh. automatic video, turn your volume down. not trying to get you to watch my vids though.) a lot of hatred. p.s. i did a lot as one word, when was it 2???
Thanks dude :) this made me feel so much better and it is a big help! Im such a down-to earth, caring person and i hate confrontation, and i never voiced my opinions i always kept quiet. Recently i've been getting a lot of shit from a couple of girls on my degree course. I watched your video and mate, it helped big time! I told these girls to 'stop being pathetic, your 20, 21 years of age and your acting like 16 year olds" and then they stopped :) Brilliant help,
This video is the epitome of what I'm going through now as well! I've always been nice to people and I give everyone a chance and don't like to offend people, but I've learned to set boundaries too and to distance myself from some and speak up when I feel the need.
I recently stopped talking to about 20 of my friends for reasons that you stated in your video. These people were taking advantage of my good nature. They were using me to get what they want. Also, some of them even talked shit behind my back. Now that I am no longer friends with them, I feel more relaxed. They were putting their responsibilities and obligations on me. Most of them ended up calling me fake and that I wasn't going to keep friends around, but I could care less. I am now friends w
i want to learn more.i hate being walked over, because i wouldnt hurt a fly people just presume they can say anything about me and get away with it "oh dont worry about that, sure she wont mind shes lovely!" i really need to learn about this, id love to be the biggest bitch just for at least one day!!!
It may be something that is "duh" for you, but when your childhood is marked by corporal punishment and submission to authority (common in Asia), it's hard to not let people walk all over you. I've climbed past that hill already, but just so you know - it's not as easy as you make it sound. But you bring a good message to the table, and that's commendable. So keep up the good work.
Not silly at all. I had the same epiphany-style realization you describe... except I was closer to 30... so congrats on coming to such realization at what I, in my wiser older age, consider to be quite a young age to reach such point... and you're right... it is invigorating.
if you do and know who you are and what you want its so much easier to stick up for yourself. personally im non-confrontational and dont acknowledge those whom i dont wanna be with but when push comes to shove i will tell them. also respect yourself and those around you and you'll get the same back. be defiant, dont let people push you over cause you'll get no where but dont be an asshole either. be who you are and dam proud of it!
This is honestly something that I need to learn... So much and I realllly appreciate this. I'm the type who let's myself be walked all over, go with the flow, etc. Agree wholeheartedly...for me it would be primarily dealing with co-workers that I would apply this.
I'm always the very neutral one/ the forgotten one- until needed. This video really does apply to me but time to time it's just easier for me to be quiet since when I do speak up, I'm just outspoken or just have to compete with someone louder than me which I find totally unnecessary. It really is satisfying to voice your opinion but its hard to do it after you're so used to being stepped on and over because your breaking point is so much closer to theirs and they unfortunately already know that.
You give solid advice, and it seems like your timing couldn't be better. This is the kinda thing kids, and everyone for that matter need to understand. Can't remember exactly how long ago but recently a bunch of kids, ranging from highschool to college, committed suicide because of bullying. No one had anything to say and they didn't feel they could speak up for themselves. One thing to mention that most (if not all) of the kids were bullied for being gay. It could've been easily prevented.
Hey John, i'm a transgender male to female, and everytime I see one of your videos, all I can think is....."DAMN IT!!!! I SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN GAY!!!!!!" lol! You're handsome, open minded, and an all around great guy. I hope that one day I can find someone like you <3
I very much like this video. knowing how to be the bigger man, and Kill people with kindness, but at the sametime not letting them walk all over you. Is a big step in any gay man's life. thanks for share with the world
John, you are amazing! :) I am exactly the same, i used to let a lot of people walk over me, and it is on;y in the last year that I have learned to be more assertive. And you don't even have to be mean about it! looking forward to more videos :p
you are beautiful. it's 10:25pm right now here in cali. I have hw to do, tests to study for, and essays to write, but what am I doing? watching this video. this is my first time watching a video of yours, and I already like you. you and I have the EXACT same mentality. Seriously, are we soulmates? I recently discovered all this for myself, and I feel so blind for not seeing it before. I'm subscribing. and once again, you are beautiful.
I actually have the reverse problem. I am very vocal and when I don't like something (or like something) everyone knows it. It usually isn't a bad thing but standing up for yourself can make you come off as mean, rude, and hurtfull if you don't use it correctly. That is what I am working on. That it is ok to slow down and think how the other person might feel if you are overly blunt like I tend to be.
I have a question for you. Do you have a boyfriend? And if so, I think it would be beneficial to alot of people if you do a video with him and talk about how you both keep your relationship and get through any problems you both might have with each other in your relationship. And also I know it would be helpful for me if you discuss how you deal with people judging you when you are with your boyfriend out in public.
actually its wrong for 2 men to get married, it kills any chance of production of life(which from my understanding is the only REAL purpose for survival on earth) men and women were meant to pass on to their own children, that is an impossibilty for gay couples. in reality gay couples are incapable of having sex, sex is between the mans penis and the womans vagina. not to 2 penis and a dudes asshole.
I have a friend who has that issue. An annoying guy whom he doesn't really like continually goes to his house, because my friend doesn't have the heart to tell him to piss off (to put it bluntly). This annoying guy has even found my friend sleeping, so just sat there and watched him sleep (very creepy).
Thank you so much, John. Actually, there is something happening in my life right now, and I didn't exactly to know what to do. What is strange is that, considering I didn't feel in the need of step up for a long time, because I hadn´t been neccesary, now I remember that's what I have to do. Thanks again!
I posted this on one of your earlier videos; however, you must have so many comments, you may never get to it. Since this is a much more recent video, I'm posting the same comment. Has anyone ever mentioned to you, that you and
TheoreticalBullshit look like twins? I mean that as a compliment to both of you.
Love this video. Just as a side note though because I care (I'm not trying to critisize you, I'm just a wine professional). You should hold your wine glass only from the stem when you are handling it. The body heat from your hand will actually negatively effect the flavors and aromas of the wine that you drink and I want you to be able enjoy wine at its proper state, as it was intended by the wine maker. That is why the stem of a wine glass exists and why it is important. Thanks. ;-)
@SereneFire88 This is generally true, but with a couple minor caveats. If a wine is too cold, its taste will improve up to the point where its optimum temperature is reached. Also, a really badly-made wine will taste bad regardless of its temperature :).
@43g30g Yes, badly made wine will be bad regardless, same goes for a wine that has been corked. But, I have yet to hear someone describe your 1st point about wine too cold. Are we talking about white wines, red, or both? From what I have learned, usually red wines need to be stored and served at or somewhat below room temp. (not really chilled like white wines, but still cool) And, both red and white not be stored above approx. 70 degrees F or in direct sunlight as this may "cook" the wine.
@SereneFire88 I was talking about the temp. of any wine- red, white, rose, sparkling or dessert. Even white wines, much less roses or reds, are too cold just out of the refrigerator. For each wine there's an ideal (small) temp. range where it tastes best. Too cold and you don't get all the flavors; too warm and it tastes too alcoholic or "flabby". Of course, there's a lot of subjectivity involved. My ideal temp range is unlikely to be exactly the same as some other person's.
@43g30g Oh, okay. I understand now what you meant. Yes, this is true as well. I guess I was just confused by your description of this from the last reply.
@SereneFire88 who cares, wine is gross anyways... It's funny how alcohol is the only drug that is made in different ways that it becomes something classy, or trashy, expensive... just so versatile.
It's like having heroin when it's at only 5% would be like beer, 13% is wine, and 40% is hardcore heroin... That's realistically what alcohol is like.
Whatever, alcohol sucks, ghb, ketamine, ecstasy, dxm, lsd, all much more useful, euphoric, and better for you.
@renerdrat You're an idiot and you obviously know nothing about wine, spirits, beer, or even drugs for that matter. You have insulted the entire alcohol industry with opinion, NOT facts. The wine, spirits, and beer making professions are honorable and impressive with the amount of expertise work, knowledge, and research that goes in to making these products. It is an art and a craft that truly deserves respect. But frankly, your OPINION means almost nothing, especially when you have no evidence.
@SereneFire88 uh.. okay, what an embarrassing post. You've clearly done no other drugs cuz you'd realize how pointless alcohol is. It's less euphoric, gives you a hangover, most are hard on your body too.
Oh I just realized you're a "wine professional". lmao. No wonder you think it's so awesome. It's just another way of taking alcohol, that's a fact. If people didn't care about the alcohol, they'd get alcohol free wine.
@renerdrat "If people didn't care about the alcohol, they'd get alcohol free wine" -This is a very ignorant assumption. Not a fact. And not true for many people. Again, you clearly know nothing about wine and how the percentage of alcohol in each wine is important. The amount of alcohol influences the properties (flavors, aroma's, acidity, tannins, etc.) of wine and impacts the entire unique experience of each wine upon evaluation and consumption.
as far as your video goes, good video, I agree fully. I know I use to be so not confrontational and so quiet. But it's feels soo fucking good to voice your opinion when someone does something wrong... I love being the one to tell someone they're out of line when no one else will.
this was so not silly..It took me a long time to learn this and i'm 35..I was just telling me friend yesterday that I had to move away to get boundaries...great video thanks
haha my friends always call me a fag.. but i dont mind.. i know what you mean.. sometimes its funny.. but sometimes its just rude.. like when people are about.
to be honest it is funny that your title is what it is because i have began to do that again in my life because to be honest there are more things then i care to think about that i don't stand up for myself of and i am working on getting better at it again
John, I love your vids especially this one. (Maybe you're so “compromising” because you're a Libra, hope you had a great birthday. ;-) LOL). You're right and it is true, personal boundaries need to exist and "toxic" people/relationships need to be removed, even if your actions seem cold/detach and unlike the usual you (however, all of this should be done in a tactful way).
I Agree with you. I try to speek up more but its kinda hard cause i have two older sisters that can be over pretected of me. So if someone tries to start sh*t with me before they even finish talking my sisters are already telling them off and getting ready to kick some ass. I love them for that but it be nice if they let me kick some ass too everyonce in a while.
Other side of the coin, a lot of people "stick up for themselves" far too much. Any perceived slight, anything they don't like happens, and you never hear the end of it. People feel such a sense of entitlement these days. Having said that, I've only watched up to the mohawk bit, so I'll hold off 'till I've seen the rest.
This is so true. I was just thinking about how I need to stand up for myself more and I had to stand up for myself against my dentist who wanted me to charge this ridiculous fee and before I wouldn't have because I didn't want to go through the hassle of finding a new dentist but I told myself enough is enough and sure enough I'll be booking with another dentist and happy to do it
Non-confrontational ? Are you of Scandinavian descent or something, Couver87 ?
Scandinavian people (Norwegians, Swedes, Danes) are very non-confrontational, gay-friendly and vulnerable enough to be bullied by immigrants. Just saying.
I definitely need to get away from several "friends" and I'm working at not letting people walk all over me in the newspaper staff. I'm the photo editor and lately I haven't hesitated to tell those slackers that their photos are unacceptable and wont be taken. Thanks John!
I kind of have a balance I am a nice guy and some things usually don't bother me but once you cross that line your done being my friend . Gladly only a small number of people have done that :)
Yep it's all true. Watch "The Secret" which is a documentary and you'll be glad you watched it. It too says something along those lines you spoke! Love you John <3
This is not silly at all. In fact, it's one of the BEST pieces of advice ever expressed in a YouTube video. It took me more than 23 yrs to recognize it and change my behavior but, as you stated, it has made a WORLD of difference -- in every respect. Kudos for sharing such important words of wisdom.
all my friends took advantage of me and used me for rides then started to ditch me for other ppl once they got there own cars, so i said screw them and cut every single last one of them off and i could not be happier =]
People can't exchange ideas unless they express their opinions. The opinions don't even have to agree with one another, which makes for an even better exchange of ideas. However, if you want your opinion respected, you have to respect the opinions of others, especially when they disagree. They may have points that you may not have considered.
John, I think you had a little too much wine. You have a typo in your description and your editing isn't as smooth as it normally is. Great ideas, though
Don't need to apologize. It may sound simple, but when people realize that these dynamics exist, they can get to work it better. I'll try this more often from now on. Great video, Couver. =)
ive always been a calm passive person but i had been having a rough time recently and a few weeks back when a group meal with someone i dont like went wrong i ended up biting a few heads off.. so yh i learned this, im 18
Its crazy that you made this video, I am 22 and seriously just started "sticking up" for myself. I am so nice to people and I just started NOT letting people walking over me. JUST started removing people from my life that didn't deserve to be in it. I love it, I thought I was crazy for just starting to do that now but I guess I am not the only one...I didn't know speaking my mind was so refreshing, kinda over being the nice guy...
Tell me, what do you do when you NEVER had a voice, you were never listened, nobody takes you seriously, and you have no right to speak, because no matter what they'll keep getting over you.
I've come to discover that I filter out people that aren't of my liking without much effort. The only thing I have trouble with is discriminative words coming from people that I do not know.
@JuzMe22 then basically u dont hav 2 do anything cuz im like tht 2 its kinda a gud thing cuz since u dont giv a shit about wat ppl say u usually dont get into fights
Your points are well taken. I would simply add that we cannot control them, but we can control what we do, whom we interact with and so forth. To get upset over what someone else is choosing is futile, especially when the truth of the matter is that they are simply manifesting THEMSELVES, always. It is never about us. When we understand that, it allows us to stay in our power AND also have compassion for them.
This is most definitely not just a stupid video. I've gone through some issues with some 'friends' recently, in which they were saying some really... kind of nasty things about me behind my back. I just kept telling them things. And you know... I'm learning this exact principal. Don't let people walk all over you and don't let people say things about you. I do not deserve that, and no one else deserves it either. Thanks for voicing this.
I don't think this is silly at all. I'm 28 and just discovering that myself so age is nothing. You're right being nice is nice, but standing up for yourself will save you lots of headaches and "woulda, coulda, shoulda feelings." Thanks Couver
I was in my classroom, and we were doing an exercise.
I'm portuguese, and there's a different way of saying thanks to men and for women. We were just reading a letter that was written by a woman, because at the end she thanked.
a boy of my class at the end said: "what if he was a fag?" and everyone laughed
Thank you.
Beyoncefan230 1 month ago
im scared of this girl at school and i always will be....HELP!
akeilamermaid62 1 month ago
I'm a overly nice person but family is a different story with me because they have no boundaries and love to talk shit about each other. When I stick up for myself I'm usually just shot down with a "thats stupid"( angry grandpa) sad but can't change them
OneRandomVictory 1 month ago
I've been abused at home and never really learned how to stick up for myself because I've always been shit on at home and at school, which come to think of it is why I never really had any friends. This video helped alot for me.
erichard6490 2 months ago
wish i watched this last year..thanks man, this helped
afran17 2 months ago
I did this and the person who was walking all over me shuted the hell up seconds after and so yeah thankz lol she wa so suprized :)
funkydunkystar 2 months ago
I'm only in year 7 o just started secondary school and I think I need to stick up for myself more some people are racists to me sometimes saying mean things whenever they feel like it I just want to be treated the same way ! I do that whoever they might be! Sometimes I just ignore them when I can but sometimes it makes me cry but noonr knows thx for sharing
MultiRedhearts 3 months ago
He's absolutely right. Nothing he said was silly, he's talking real stuff. This is life, and he's learning. Im glad he posted this video clip.
piscesariescusp121 3 months ago
Great video man. I really need to try some of this stuff... See i've kinda turned into this guy who just lets people walk all over him now because i was too nice. I need to stand up for myself more and become the person that i truly am, although you try and respect and be nice to people you wont always get that back, and that's something that i've only just figured out. Sometimes you have to put your damn foot down.
0MrRib0 3 months ago
I am just like how you described yourself, and I have run into the same problem that you have. I hope this video helps in the next encounter with whomever I may meet. Thank you!
Dfrogman 3 months ago
fuck this.. ima just go over to the tard and kick his ass..
MrChestypuller1775 3 months ago
wow thanks a lot! my slutty sis is leaving me alone now :P
flamenshame888 3 months ago
Thanx this meant alot to me even thou it's almost been a year I love this vid Thanx for making it and ur an amazing person keep up with the good work
Ameenah22 4 months ago
good video mate its like the bully at school who used to pick on me when i was in high school one day i had enough of him pissing me off so when he was running his mouth i walked over to him put him on his ass after that nobody ever bullied me again at school
but there are certain situations where it's best to shut the fuck up
or risk your fucking head being stomped 6ft deep in the ground
i learnt from actual experience when i got the shit kicked out of me at the pub
leftylethborg 5 months ago
Thank you:)
Jesus53064 6 months ago
if you no zamaria im going to ponch her in the fuckin face
mizzn33c3daq33n 6 months ago
Omg this is so true for me I usually just take what ever crap people throw at me and stay friends with people I don't like to avoid confrontation. I will watch this vid before I go back to school and remember to stick up for myself x
xKillerStilettosx 6 months ago
THANK YOU :D
mattroyle2k9 7 months ago
My friend beat up this girl for saying people from her country rob houses :D
MissCrazyGirl007 8 months ago
Funny, I'm 22 and had the same little light bulb. I was repeatedly getting car repairs done by a really shitty shop who treated me badly even after I paid them good money - I've Lived on my own for 3 years now, and realized after much frustration how pertinent it is to be highly assertive in intimidating circumstances. I'd had enough. I went into the shop, and 5' 9" me just leaned into this asshole much bigger than myself. To my surprise, he really almost cried. The car was fixed :) 1 up for me
mackles 9 months ago
Utterly fascinating :]
lemonluff 9 months ago
Have u read a book call adult child of dysfunctional family it has more of what u just posted on your video . I love u for remaining me of you are right I can pick my own friend s . Your are a person I respect thank u
drsmerfethnos 9 months ago
I'm 35 and still working on this. Great video.
TheAgFamTube 10 months ago
Thanks man, really helped me. I let people walk all over me cuz i am so nice. Its time to let me let my opinion out. Thanks again!
whitemagic160 10 months ago
thank you for the video! 23 is not too old at all - I am almost 21 and still trying to learn this! It's always really nice to hear someone talk about this and be encouraging at the same time. It's hard sometimes to stick up for myself because I don't really know *what* to say, and I don't know what the consequences will be... but I know that I will feel better just for standing up for myself. So yeah! Thanks! Oh and that wine comment/conversation is awesome.
susiebones 10 months ago
Real talk brother
pnarules 10 months ago
Ahahah ur soooooo cuteeee :] And on top U just describes me ahahah im that sweet nice friendly person tooo
Nd u got one more subscriber! :D keep up with the good work :) -3 :D
mestaroftheworld 10 months ago
I ruv you!!!
maxwellpassion 11 months ago
lol....wine muscles......j/k.....That was the first thought that ran down my fingers to the keyboard, but taking a mere minute more to think about it, I am the nice guy that always gets shitted on, and people talk down to. Yeah, I let it happen, your right. And I'm in the closet, that alone instills you with a sense of auto-guilt I think. Maybe tomorrow I'll pick a point in the day and say something when it happens....Thanks!
hotrodbod1 11 months ago
omg I acc luv u lyk u r amazin x z
mrhegy10111 11 months ago
One particular person always does this to me. She's so negative, disrespectful (not just with me but with her own parents as well!), and just generally an unpleasant person to be around. I know why too, she's just insecure with herself so she's masking her true feelings with this aggressive front. Good thing I can see right through her. But I'm a human too, and I'm not gonna sit back and let her talk to me that way anymore! She's tried my patience! Time to stand up for myself!
Payback time. :)
Poncho151500 11 months ago
@Poncho151500 I have a friend just like that, we have to teach them their place. (with words of course :P)
nixlegio 9 months ago
@nixlegio Lol, yeah. I'm hanging out with that particular friend later today. Lets do this xD!
Poncho151500 9 months ago
This is way easier said than done.
KellyK0028 11 months ago
This was very wise, great job! :] You're helping lots of people!
laughandcryandsmile 11 months ago
This is a great video, John. I needed something like this right now. You are the best, seriously!
peterocks90 11 months ago
doug i am 30 and have had this problem from a young age, especially with family, i always did try to stand up for myself but i was aggressively shouted back down. i have come along way since however, i only associate with people who respect me. I do still experience people trying to undermine me and put me down and i can normally stand up for myself but i find it hard to construct a sentence in confrontational situations and become embarrased - this is what the offender will then play on
cprostudio 1 year ago
Thats so true ^^
Shaziaka 1 year ago
YES! my friend/ person I do not wanna be friends with anymore talked shit about my sister in front of me and it was so rude.
Hlmnelson 1 year ago
What do you do if you say to someone who's being nasty to you to stop doing it, and they use the "free speech" argument against you though?
PuffyAmiYumi 1 year ago
Wow thanks! :D
ShinkBooma 1 year ago
Btw, there's nothing wrong with learning this at the age of 23. I'm 16 years old and I just learned how to be social, [long story short] but my mother always told me that some people never learn these important lessons in life, so it's better to learn it then not to learn it :] be proud of yourself.
Wubblez10 1 year ago
Over the summer I was diagnosed with social anxiety. Besides the therapy,one way I fought against this anxiety was by setting my boundries and standing up for myself.
I still remind myself everynow and then to do so, and I find this video very helpful :]
Wubblez10 1 year ago
Excellent video John, I just subscribed to you and think you're great! Your videos have real purprose and are inspirational :-)
unstoppableguy 1 year ago
yeah... want to see shit? go to my channel and look at the comments. (heh heh. automatic video, turn your volume down. not trying to get you to watch my vids though.) a lot of hatred. p.s. i did a lot as one word, when was it 2???
cowfluf7 1 year ago
Thanks dude :) this made me feel so much better and it is a big help! Im such a down-to earth, caring person and i hate confrontation, and i never voiced my opinions i always kept quiet. Recently i've been getting a lot of shit from a couple of girls on my degree course. I watched your video and mate, it helped big time! I told these girls to 'stop being pathetic, your 20, 21 years of age and your acting like 16 year olds" and then they stopped :) Brilliant help,
XxJulietMontaguexX 1 year ago
You're so right!! (y)
slivergirl92 1 year ago
This video is the epitome of what I'm going through now as well! I've always been nice to people and I give everyone a chance and don't like to offend people, but I've learned to set boundaries too and to distance myself from some and speak up when I feel the need.
Great video! ^__^!
altimacloud81 1 year ago
when i read "couver87" i thought it said Cowfluff7... lol... :D
cowfluf7 1 year ago
With people who respect and deserve my friendship.
blacktop1416 1 year ago
I recently stopped talking to about 20 of my friends for reasons that you stated in your video. These people were taking advantage of my good nature. They were using me to get what they want. Also, some of them even talked shit behind my back. Now that I am no longer friends with them, I feel more relaxed. They were putting their responsibilities and obligations on me. Most of them ended up calling me fake and that I wasn't going to keep friends around, but I could care less. I am now friends w
blacktop1416 1 year ago
THIS IS A GREAT VIDEO AND A GREAT TOPIC
MARKMARCUSMARKIE 1 year ago
i want to learn more.i hate being walked over, because i wouldnt hurt a fly people just presume they can say anything about me and get away with it "oh dont worry about that, sure she wont mind shes lovely!" i really need to learn about this, id love to be the biggest bitch just for at least one day!!!
irishchick41 1 year ago
It may be something that is "duh" for you, but when your childhood is marked by corporal punishment and submission to authority (common in Asia), it's hard to not let people walk all over you. I've climbed past that hill already, but just so you know - it's not as easy as you make it sound. But you bring a good message to the table, and that's commendable. So keep up the good work.
hdavid12 1 year ago
Not silly at all. I had the same epiphany-style realization you describe... except I was closer to 30... so congrats on coming to such realization at what I, in my wiser older age, consider to be quite a young age to reach such point... and you're right... it is invigorating.
OrthodoxAtheist 1 year ago
IT's a great topic like it's simple to come to but hard to do
Dancingfool721 1 year ago
"It's nice to be nice to the nice. But it's even nicer to the ones that aren't so nice."
That's what my Middle School Principal used to say on the announcements every morning. <3
asymmetryocd 1 year ago
if you do and know who you are and what you want its so much easier to stick up for yourself. personally im non-confrontational and dont acknowledge those whom i dont wanna be with but when push comes to shove i will tell them. also respect yourself and those around you and you'll get the same back. be defiant, dont let people push you over cause you'll get no where but dont be an asshole either. be who you are and dam proud of it!
evb4mvp 1 year ago
This is honestly something that I need to learn... So much and I realllly appreciate this. I'm the type who let's myself be walked all over, go with the flow, etc. Agree wholeheartedly...for me it would be primarily dealing with co-workers that I would apply this.
TheJamesTalon 1 year ago
That's a really good philosophy :) Thanks!
SeanGT95 1 year ago 2
I'm always the very neutral one/ the forgotten one- until needed. This video really does apply to me but time to time it's just easier for me to be quiet since when I do speak up, I'm just outspoken or just have to compete with someone louder than me which I find totally unnecessary. It really is satisfying to voice your opinion but its hard to do it after you're so used to being stepped on and over because your breaking point is so much closer to theirs and they unfortunately already know that.
MrJason300 1 year ago
Off topic, but you really look like Sam Worthington in this video. He's the guy who starred in Avatar.
Thumbs up if you agree. Maybe it's just me :P
Valcuric 1 year ago 2
You give solid advice, and it seems like your timing couldn't be better. This is the kinda thing kids, and everyone for that matter need to understand. Can't remember exactly how long ago but recently a bunch of kids, ranging from highschool to college, committed suicide because of bullying. No one had anything to say and they didn't feel they could speak up for themselves. One thing to mention that most (if not all) of the kids were bullied for being gay. It could've been easily prevented.
Vathyk 1 year ago 2
your learning wait till you hit 30 and that light comes on
jacklaren 1 year ago
I LIKE DARK RED WINE YUMMMM
cherd1971 1 year ago
Thanks Couver, I love your encouraging wisdom.
helensara85 1 year ago
hmm true i just noticed lol i let people walk all over me should try to stick up for myself a bit
Dragon27488 1 year ago
true, very true
traveljock 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Hey John, i'm a transgender male to female, and everytime I see one of your videos, all I can think is....."DAMN IT!!!! I SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN GAY!!!!!!" lol! You're handsome, open minded, and an all around great guy. I hope that one day I can find someone like you <3
P.S. - I love the video, great message!
DharkLover 1 year ago
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DharkLover 1 year ago
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DharkLover 1 year ago
I very much like this video. knowing how to be the bigger man, and Kill people with kindness, but at the sametime not letting them walk all over you. Is a big step in any gay man's life. thanks for share with the world
YourMansBestFriend 1 year ago
@YourMansBestFriend Great point! Agree! John has a talent at giving common sense advice and being human and vulnerable, and sincere.
awreslr2 1 year ago
I ♥ U. You are very cute for a man ;)
TheMamadeira 1 year ago
John, you are amazing! :) I am exactly the same, i used to let a lot of people walk over me, and it is on;y in the last year that I have learned to be more assertive. And you don't even have to be mean about it! looking forward to more videos :p
empyroar 1 year ago
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
s3dooooooooooooooon 1 year ago
im 15 im out loud and proud and u bet ur ass i dont let people push me around. this is who i am....and where i stand....
PaulaAbdulRoxxxx6 1 year ago
you are beautiful. it's 10:25pm right now here in cali. I have hw to do, tests to study for, and essays to write, but what am I doing? watching this video. this is my first time watching a video of yours, and I already like you. you and I have the EXACT same mentality. Seriously, are we soulmates? I recently discovered all this for myself, and I feel so blind for not seeing it before. I'm subscribing. and once again, you are beautiful.
kirtyRY 1 year ago
I actually have the reverse problem. I am very vocal and when I don't like something (or like something) everyone knows it. It usually isn't a bad thing but standing up for yourself can make you come off as mean, rude, and hurtfull if you don't use it correctly. That is what I am working on. That it is ok to slow down and think how the other person might feel if you are overly blunt like I tend to be.
SociologyGirl 1 year ago
I have a question for you. Do you have a boyfriend? And if so, I think it would be beneficial to alot of people if you do a video with him and talk about how you both keep your relationship and get through any problems you both might have with each other in your relationship. And also I know it would be helpful for me if you discuss how you deal with people judging you when you are with your boyfriend out in public.
hp2431 1 year ago
BRAVISSIMO!
GREAT SPEECH
FashionForAdam 1 year ago
You're great, Couver. I really needed to hear something like this in this period of my life.
Thanks, John :)
peterocks90 1 year ago
That was an excellent message.
Allbymyself82 1 year ago
Great speech dude!! The most important relationship you have is with yourself!!! you are so inspiring :D
franzzsh 1 year ago
There are no longer 5 stars for ranking videos lol
franzzsh 1 year ago 13
This has been flagged as spam show
actually its wrong for 2 men to get married, it kills any chance of production of life(which from my understanding is the only REAL purpose for survival on earth) men and women were meant to pass on to their own children, that is an impossibilty for gay couples. in reality gay couples are incapable of having sex, sex is between the mans penis and the womans vagina. not to 2 penis and a dudes asshole.
MAelite9 1 year ago
right on
kutekiwi77 1 year ago
I have a friend who has that issue. An annoying guy whom he doesn't really like continually goes to his house, because my friend doesn't have the heart to tell him to piss off (to put it bluntly). This annoying guy has even found my friend sleeping, so just sat there and watched him sleep (very creepy).
ivasenko48 1 year ago
Thank you so much, John. Actually, there is something happening in my life right now, and I didn't exactly to know what to do. What is strange is that, considering I didn't feel in the need of step up for a long time, because I hadn´t been neccesary, now I remember that's what I have to do. Thanks again!
ramiroer 1 year ago
I really needed to watch something like this. Thank you!
sexylawngnome88 1 year ago
Inye méla elye!
Maidhros 1 year ago
I posted this on one of your earlier videos; however, you must have so many comments, you may never get to it. Since this is a much more recent video, I'm posting the same comment. Has anyone ever mentioned to you, that you and
TheoreticalBullshit look like twins? I mean that as a compliment to both of you.
tahoemack 1 year ago
You're so wise! LOVE YA!
conscious4 1 year ago
Love this video. Just as a side note though because I care (I'm not trying to critisize you, I'm just a wine professional). You should hold your wine glass only from the stem when you are handling it. The body heat from your hand will actually negatively effect the flavors and aromas of the wine that you drink and I want you to be able enjoy wine at its proper state, as it was intended by the wine maker. That is why the stem of a wine glass exists and why it is important. Thanks. ;-)
SereneFire88 1 year ago 13
@SereneFire88 Hahaha! This is great. Thanks for the comment, I will for now on and ever after hold my wine the correct way. Muah xoxo
Couver87 1 year ago 4
@SereneFire88 This is generally true, but with a couple minor caveats. If a wine is too cold, its taste will improve up to the point where its optimum temperature is reached. Also, a really badly-made wine will taste bad regardless of its temperature :).
43g30g 1 year ago
@43g30g Yes, badly made wine will be bad regardless, same goes for a wine that has been corked. But, I have yet to hear someone describe your 1st point about wine too cold. Are we talking about white wines, red, or both? From what I have learned, usually red wines need to be stored and served at or somewhat below room temp. (not really chilled like white wines, but still cool) And, both red and white not be stored above approx. 70 degrees F or in direct sunlight as this may "cook" the wine.
SereneFire88 1 year ago
@SereneFire88 I was talking about the temp. of any wine- red, white, rose, sparkling or dessert. Even white wines, much less roses or reds, are too cold just out of the refrigerator. For each wine there's an ideal (small) temp. range where it tastes best. Too cold and you don't get all the flavors; too warm and it tastes too alcoholic or "flabby". Of course, there's a lot of subjectivity involved. My ideal temp range is unlikely to be exactly the same as some other person's.
43g30g 1 year ago
@43g30g Oh, okay. I understand now what you meant. Yes, this is true as well. I guess I was just confused by your description of this from the last reply.
SereneFire88 1 year ago
@SereneFire88 who cares, wine is gross anyways... It's funny how alcohol is the only drug that is made in different ways that it becomes something classy, or trashy, expensive... just so versatile.
It's like having heroin when it's at only 5% would be like beer, 13% is wine, and 40% is hardcore heroin... That's realistically what alcohol is like.
Whatever, alcohol sucks, ghb, ketamine, ecstasy, dxm, lsd, all much more useful, euphoric, and better for you.
renerdrat 9 months ago
@renerdrat You're an idiot and you obviously know nothing about wine, spirits, beer, or even drugs for that matter. You have insulted the entire alcohol industry with opinion, NOT facts. The wine, spirits, and beer making professions are honorable and impressive with the amount of expertise work, knowledge, and research that goes in to making these products. It is an art and a craft that truly deserves respect. But frankly, your OPINION means almost nothing, especially when you have no evidence.
SereneFire88 9 months ago
@SereneFire88 uh.. okay, what an embarrassing post. You've clearly done no other drugs cuz you'd realize how pointless alcohol is. It's less euphoric, gives you a hangover, most are hard on your body too.
Oh I just realized you're a "wine professional". lmao. No wonder you think it's so awesome. It's just another way of taking alcohol, that's a fact. If people didn't care about the alcohol, they'd get alcohol free wine.
renerdrat 9 months ago
@renerdrat "If people didn't care about the alcohol, they'd get alcohol free wine" -This is a very ignorant assumption. Not a fact. And not true for many people. Again, you clearly know nothing about wine and how the percentage of alcohol in each wine is important. The amount of alcohol influences the properties (flavors, aroma's, acidity, tannins, etc.) of wine and impacts the entire unique experience of each wine upon evaluation and consumption.
SereneFire88 9 months ago
as far as your video goes, good video, I agree fully. I know I use to be so not confrontational and so quiet. But it's feels soo fucking good to voice your opinion when someone does something wrong... I love being the one to tell someone they're out of line when no one else will.
renerdrat 9 months ago
this was so not silly..It took me a long time to learn this and i'm 35..I was just telling me friend yesterday that I had to move away to get boundaries...great video thanks
Trippleg1993 1 year ago
I can write one of my favorite quotes "Stand up for yourself, stupid."
ZRS76 1 year ago
haha my friends always call me a fag.. but i dont mind.. i know what you mean.. sometimes its funny.. but sometimes its just rude.. like when people are about.
MrMab9192 1 year ago
love you couver lol
thanks for the advice im sure the people who need it most will see it
joseoftheyear 1 year ago
like that your sending this message!
igot2dome1216 1 year ago
I love all your videos.
You're extremely pretty,
That's it :)
josephjuvenile 1 year ago
to be honest it is funny that your title is what it is because i have began to do that again in my life because to be honest there are more things then i care to think about that i don't stand up for myself of and i am working on getting better at it again
arthur1898 1 year ago
I choose YOU Pickachu!
zachariahgriffin 1 year ago
John, I love your vids especially this one. (Maybe you're so “compromising” because you're a Libra, hope you had a great birthday. ;-) LOL). You're right and it is true, personal boundaries need to exist and "toxic" people/relationships need to be removed, even if your actions seem cold/detach and unlike the usual you (however, all of this should be done in a tactful way).
frozenflameiceavatar 1 year ago
glass of wine sthe best way to start XDDDDD
doggygenesis 1 year ago
I Agree with you. I try to speek up more but its kinda hard cause i have two older sisters that can be over pretected of me. So if someone tries to start sh*t with me before they even finish talking my sisters are already telling them off and getting ready to kick some ass. I love them for that but it be nice if they let me kick some ass too everyonce in a while.
lildimz 1 year ago
Other side of the coin, a lot of people "stick up for themselves" far too much. Any perceived slight, anything they don't like happens, and you never hear the end of it. People feel such a sense of entitlement these days. Having said that, I've only watched up to the mohawk bit, so I'll hold off 'till I've seen the rest.
disamjisa 1 year ago
u can be a guru kinda guy to many..teaching morals abt life nd stufff...really learnt a lot frm u.....thnk u mate..:)
micheshawn 1 year ago
i LOVE to argue :D i argue all the time 24/7 :)
no matter what it is, i got an opinion :D
btw, i tossed one of my best friends out of my life. he was a big piece of shit, and i always wanted to do it... now its done, i feel happy :D
CONFRONTATION FTW!
OrthrusTails 1 year ago
I totally agree with what you're saying.
betsy7404 1 year ago
It only gets better with age. Trust me. Like a fine wine. Lovin' the 30's. WORD!
scotsings 1 year ago
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scotsings 1 year ago
Duh couver!! lol jokes
KyoFreeman 1 year ago
This is so true. I was just thinking about how I need to stand up for myself more and I had to stand up for myself against my dentist who wanted me to charge this ridiculous fee and before I wouldn't have because I didn't want to go through the hassle of finding a new dentist but I told myself enough is enough and sure enough I'll be booking with another dentist and happy to do it
Yewon2001 1 year ago
Non-confrontational ? Are you of Scandinavian descent or something, Couver87 ?
Scandinavian people (Norwegians, Swedes, Danes) are very non-confrontational, gay-friendly and vulnerable enough to be bullied by immigrants. Just saying.
Theclowcard 1 year ago
I definitely need to get away from several "friends" and I'm working at not letting people walk all over me in the newspaper staff. I'm the photo editor and lately I haven't hesitated to tell those slackers that their photos are unacceptable and wont be taken. Thanks John!
TheDukeOfEden 1 year ago
I kind of have a balance I am a nice guy and some things usually don't bother me but once you cross that line your done being my friend . Gladly only a small number of people have done that :)
galarid8 1 year ago
Yep it's all true. Watch "The Secret" which is a documentary and you'll be glad you watched it. It too says something along those lines you spoke! Love you John <3
wickrev 1 year ago
This is not silly at all. In fact, it's one of the BEST pieces of advice ever expressed in a YouTube video. It took me more than 23 yrs to recognize it and change my behavior but, as you stated, it has made a WORLD of difference -- in every respect. Kudos for sharing such important words of wisdom.
Gamec0ckGrad 1 year ago
Ever since high school ended, I haven't really been run over. But once that jackass do come into view, I will strongly voice my opinion! :)
ilovepop91 1 year ago
You make really good videos that remind us to do things that'll make a difference...so yah thankyou :)
tennismonkey09 1 year ago
Being a nice person is not the same thing as being a good person- That's wht we all need to learn
hexum7 1 year ago
@hexum7 you can be nice without being a doormat. I finally have fully grasped that concept
Yewon2001 1 year ago
well said
hexum7 1 year ago
so glad u did this =]
all my friends took advantage of me and used me for rides then started to ditch me for other ppl once they got there own cars, so i said screw them and cut every single last one of them off and i could not be happier =]
IBleedSkittles89 1 year ago
I love your new hair - that's how I'm getting mine done soon!
AcousticMusicianESWS 1 year ago
I'll drink to that!
trisshandy 1 year ago
a minute into this video, and im not paying attention to a single thing you are saying. you are so god damn hot.
aroogooy123 1 year ago
Anyone else think this is sexy and romantic? "candlelight", wine, his bedroom.
BRX0102 1 year ago
Amen
disiciliano 1 year ago
People can't exchange ideas unless they express their opinions. The opinions don't even have to agree with one another, which makes for an even better exchange of ideas. However, if you want your opinion respected, you have to respect the opinions of others, especially when they disagree. They may have points that you may not have considered.
John, I think you had a little too much wine. You have a typo in your description and your editing isn't as smooth as it normally is. Great ideas, though
morpheus814 1 year ago
Don't need to apologize. It may sound simple, but when people realize that these dynamics exist, they can get to work it better. I'll try this more often from now on. Great video, Couver. =)
rubenscaetano 1 year ago
PREACH!!!! :)
TheCrystic 1 year ago
Thanks for the advice! I'm still really young, but this is something I've wanted to change about myself for a while.
hurleyGRANDE 1 year ago
5 Stars? :0
OnTheToiletBeyotch 1 year ago
Great Job Man, Love The Message :D
AtkinsEars 1 year ago
ive always been a calm passive person but i had been having a rough time recently and a few weeks back when a group meal with someone i dont like went wrong i ended up biting a few heads off.. so yh i learned this, im 18
AbhorsenAchika 1 year ago
i AGREE!!!
msscott73 1 year ago
Good advice dude... thanks :)
JReed357 1 year ago
Its crazy that you made this video, I am 22 and seriously just started "sticking up" for myself. I am so nice to people and I just started NOT letting people walking over me. JUST started removing people from my life that didn't deserve to be in it. I love it, I thought I was crazy for just starting to do that now but I guess I am not the only one...I didn't know speaking my mind was so refreshing, kinda over being the nice guy...
MartinWeirdee 1 year ago
God damn it. I wrote October 22 on every one of my papers :/
omjpurple1 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I'm really enjoying this video, thank you for sharing those inspiring thoughts, every video you make changes life of everyone who's watching it.
bule0403 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I'm really enjoying this video, thank you for sharing those inspiring thoughts, every video you make changes life of everyone who's watching it.
bule0403 1 year ago
I love wine night!!!
kkreicker1 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I'm really enjoying this video, thank you for sharing those inspiring thoughts, every video you make changes life of everyone who's watching it.
bule0403 1 year ago
I'm really enjoying this video, thank you for sharing those inspiring thoughts, every video you make changes life of everyone who's watching it.
bule0403 1 year ago
Dude, I've been saying this for years. Good advice, for sure. :)
billwenham 1 year ago
Tell me, what do you do when you NEVER had a voice, you were never listened, nobody takes you seriously, and you have no right to speak, because no matter what they'll keep getting over you.
theunexpectedplan 1 year ago
im totally nice to people too, but my motto is if someones fucking with fire, bring a flamethrower
EvWuzhere 1 year ago
On a completely unrelated topic you have beautiful skin and rocking the mohawk :p
Haplo2006 1 year ago
so how do i set those boundaries?
Hector947 1 year ago
I've come to discover that I filter out people that aren't of my liking without much effort. The only thing I have trouble with is discriminative words coming from people that I do not know.
hotpotato44 1 year ago
What if you honestly just don't care what negative people think about you?
Like me.
JuzMe22 1 year ago
@JuzMe22 then basically u dont hav 2 do anything cuz im like tht 2 its kinda a gud thing cuz since u dont giv a shit about wat ppl say u usually dont get into fights
kayizok13 1 year ago
Your points are well taken. I would simply add that we cannot control them, but we can control what we do, whom we interact with and so forth. To get upset over what someone else is choosing is futile, especially when the truth of the matter is that they are simply manifesting THEMSELVES, always. It is never about us. When we understand that, it allows us to stay in our power AND also have compassion for them.
massage33316 1 year ago
ur awesome =3
emorocker423 1 year ago
This is most definitely not just a stupid video. I've gone through some issues with some 'friends' recently, in which they were saying some really... kind of nasty things about me behind my back. I just kept telling them things. And you know... I'm learning this exact principal. Don't let people walk all over you and don't let people say things about you. I do not deserve that, and no one else deserves it either. Thanks for voicing this.
AuroraViolinist 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
You know? Theis is exactly* what I needed to hear right now.
Kinda got trampled on yesterday and it sucks and I don't want there to be repeats.
So, Thanks! :)
HelloMyNameIsDreamer 1 year ago
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HelloMyNameIsDreamer 1 year ago
I don't think this is silly at all. I'm 28 and just discovering that myself so age is nothing. You're right being nice is nice, but standing up for yourself will save you lots of headaches and "woulda, coulda, shoulda feelings." Thanks Couver
viph982 1 year ago
this happened TODAY
I was in my classroom, and we were doing an exercise.
I'm portuguese, and there's a different way of saying thanks to men and for women. We were just reading a letter that was written by a woman, because at the end she thanked.
a boy of my class at the end said: "what if he was a fag?" and everyone laughed
I really wanted to break his face, seriously
OMGlHaveABotoxFace 1 year ago