Good news is, women are equipped to satisfy a man's needs....and vise versa (whether you can cook or not). As a wife, if I have the ability and love for someone like I do for my husband, I will try my best to make the best meal possible for him!!! You do what you can when there is love <3
Wow, this is the most beneficial video on youtube. Honestly, I'm more that impressed with the wealth of information you provided. Thank you so much for sharing this , because our generation seems to be getting lost/ caught in the media's definition of who they should be, instead of paying attention to the reality and life that's passing away infront of them. If most people had this information, there's be less mid-life crisis and depression. Major thumbs up. Thank you.
Great perspective....that's so true about the word marriage; it's as if it is taboo to mention it in these day and times. We have lost our way as a race on family unity.
so angry? Because they started out their lives with a lie. They went for what everyone told them would make them happy and they denied their nature. I am not saying we are all the same and share one nature. The womens lib movement is saying that. I am saying the complete opposite. How can anyone expect to be loved when they have failed to self examine and embrace who they really are. Thank you again kimmaytube
Well said Sis. I enjoyed this video and true speak. The womens lib movement was a sham. The "lucky" women Meaning the women who actually pull of a marriage) are working harder than ever managing a career and home, only to have those homes fall apart. 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. We do not have to compete with men to embrace our own rights and freedoms. Take a step back from the rat race be honest with yourself about who you are. Do you want to know why some women seem...
Continuation... This us also an ongoing discussion in my circle. I'm going to forward the link if that's okay. I hope that there are black men out there also asking the question of what their women want and need. Instead of abandoning a whole race of people for "greener pastures". Thanks for sharing.
Interesting. Finding the balance for one's self and one's family is key. I think it's important for both partners to be flexible and not let stereotypical gender role assignments define their relationship or who they are in that relationship. Having said that, I agree that we need to put a stop to this animosity that seems to exist between black men and women today. It's so sad. We need to ask ourselves how we got to this point, where we just can't seem to even tolerate one another. This has be
I think people need to stop all this gender/ racial stereotyping/ typecasting. At the day's end, if a lady wants to be a breadwinner or wife, so be it. If a guy wants to stay at home or take care of the bills, so be it! That's their right and we should respect it.
Thank you for being so honest! You are such a wonderful and inspirational lady. I look forward to getting my Kimmay updates on youtube and twitter. Thanks lady!
I'm glad you put this video on here. I am in agreement, and am amazed that you had a similar mindset that I had a few years ago when I was in my early 20s. The problem isn't that women take care of the domestics, rather the low value that is placed on that, and the lack of choices many women have. If that is our CHOICE then that is beautiful. If we are forced or pressured into only taking care of one thing, then there's a problem or if our work is undervalued. LOVE this video.
Yeah I like this video. I'm 20 and almost done w/ college, and my mom is a great example of someone is both professional and domestic. BUT my dad is also a great example of a man who understands that when my mom doesn't feel well, he can pick up some domestic responsibilities as well and he does ALL of the outside work, lol. this to me shows me how a marriage works and how it lasts. great great video hope with all the views people pick up something valuable.
I really enjoyed this video. It actually changed the way I think of this whole aspect of life. I was thinking, this is why we find more interracial couples now a-days. Not that there is anything wrong with them, be who you feel your heart is drawing you to. But the fact that African American men and women can not come to terms with what the other wants and instead rather bash them, they find another mate within another race that sees things their way. its sad and needs to be dealt with
I have a masters degree, but can't wait to be a stay at home mom when they are young. I will use my will power, intelligence and strength to make sure that the first few years of their lives are formative, happy and balanced. And then get back on the working scene. :) I also like to cook and do stuff for people and am not ashamed of it. But u better believe I can get a pay check too. :) I don't wanna be super independent cause it was not meant for us to be alone :) More power in union.
If my husband goes out and works all day to take care of our family, the least I can do is fix the man some food. I use to think really silly in my younger days also. Now that I am older, I see that it is about working together and both of us doing our parts to better our family. I don't care what culture says, culture is usually wrong anyway. I do what is best for me and my family.
I love this vid. I am in school and getting an education, but I am also a stay at home mom. I am old school to my heart. My husband is the provider and I take care of the home. This is because I want it that way. I have two young children and I want to raise them. I don't want to school or daycare taking care of my children. I know some people don't have a choice. I thank God that I do have a choice. It is not always easy,but for my children it is more than worth it.
I think in our society, in most patriarchial societies, women are not appreciated the way men are. Or for the same reasons. Women are usually appreciated more for their beauty or looks and their domestic skills... not saying this is best but it is the way of the world. But it is a parents job to teach their children especially their daughters how to be a well balanced woman since she will have to support herself. How to be a helpmate and a good wife and mother. Most women waste their 20s IMO
i felt the same way abt cooking and life. I am only 22 years old and im realizing it now. I can be independent as a person and not just as a woman. I agree with ur message
Thank you for this video Kim. June I will be 25, a lot of the issue you spoke about hit home... after watching this video I just had to take a step back and re-evaluate my self and my opinion. .... Thank you again for being truthful on that topic and not dressing it up. keep up the amazing work.
U r so right. I'm 22 and I will be 23 in July this year. I realized the very thing that u r saying although I struggle a little with the question of do I just be single and have fun with my twenties or should I just give in to my desire to be that nurturing caring wife to a special man? I go back and forward with that all the time cause sometimes one feeling is stronger than the other. Wat do u think?
This is a great video. So many women can't do ANYTHING domestic or be nurturing/sweet and then wonder why they can't get a man.
On the flip side, I wonder if men are out there talking to their female friends trying to figure out what WOMEN want in a husband. Many don't seem to be striving to be that man. I feel like SO many guys fall short of being a good husband material and don't have the potential to be EXCELLENT providers, but yet women are falling over themselves to be in their favor.
Thank you sister for this video!! I am in my mid 20'sand I used to be proud to say I cant cook and I didnt really think about marriage or having kids. But, I'm starting to realize that I do want a loving marriage and kids. I'm starting to better myself, so that I can be the best wife. Thank you for this grear video ...you really inspired me :)
@bbnne1 lol. I really appreciate the interest. But I ramble too much for videos like this. But I can say, Kimmay made an awesome leap in the right direction when she decided to ask a man rather than listen to other women.
@bbnne1 If you have read the book and you disagree, then I understand. However, to say that the only authority comes from the "good book" is really one sided. I never said Steve Harvey created marriage.
I have a really good book recommendation on this topic- Act Like a Lady and Think LIke a Man by Steve Harvey. Excellent book! Steve Harvey just breaks down the whole relationship thing. He also has a new book out that my mom has and I'm hoping to borrow it once she's done.
Then you have a child and now you have to be nurturing to a life that is dependent on you to add to that you have a demanding job and you still have to be a great wifey. Reality sets in. It's....not....easy. But it's possible. What worked for me, finding a job with flex time, keeping a tight schedule and learning how to prioritize and when to say no. I still have to repeat IT'S NOT EASY! Lol!
Marriage is about inter-dependence and vulnerability from each party involved. I completely agree with you that women consult other women too much on what keeps a man happy. I had to grow up really quick in order to maintain a happy marriage, and I am glad I did.
It would be nice for you to make another video regarding the things you have said in this vid including your husband's and other mens' thoughts on what was important to them to have in a wife and what they would bring to the table as a husband as well.
i understand making a nurturing home for him but what should we expect in return from him...we can't expect to do everything without someone nurturing us
Great great vid!! I'm moving through a similar evolutiion RIGHT NOW! and it feels soo good to have the freedom to develop/embrace new facets in my identity... Thanks for sending a msg to women everywhere that there's not a thing wrong with that! besos!
How did I miss this video?! Kim, thanks so much for the advice. It's stuff that young women need 2 hear. I love when you do videos like this because we, the audience get to know you more. :) I'm still mad I missed this one! LoL!
Thanks for your comments on this topic - I really hope that the stereotype of young ambitious black women not wanting committed relationships or a 'domestic' lifestyle can be destroyed. It's just not true for many women. This scenario has really been unfair to a lot of young black women who may be enjoying their life and for some reason or another have just not married yet; but they desire and are actively seeking marriage.
It's up to young women to destroy the stereotype. It won't destroy itself. Our (American) culture as a whole devalues marriage & family focus. People are encouraged to party through their late 20's & 30's without thinking about the future. Women, unlike men, don't have the luxury of extended fertility well into senior age. So it has to be on her mind even if she isn't ready for it. She has to have a 5 - 10 yr plan & not waste time on men who will take her youth. But many do.
wow its funny I come arcoss this...I also was "independent" and did not view marriage as a important part in my life. now turning 30 and having a long-term relationship, both me and my partner are understand the importantance as well as putting christ in the center of our relationship...I'm now just getting it...
You are such a beautiful spirit... words fail me at the moment to accurately compliment you on what you have offered to us in terms of what you share in your videos... you are the ideal African woman who have truly come to know herself and understand the world around her. You have cause me to appreciate my wife even more... thank you..
Great video and excellent points!! I too wonder how I missed this one, but I also see that the number of views is less, so perhaps this was just uploaded. Anyway great to see it and as usual, you hear was fantastic!
Thanks for sharing Kim :-) I got married at 22 and definately have had to come to terms with some of the things you talked about in this video (like that "independant" mindset) and revamp how I thought in order to have a happy marriage. I hope you continue to make vids like this becuz they are truly insightful and helpful
as a young lady that stands before God, i know what i believe in. and marriage is def at the top of my list. i am young, 21 to be exact. and i love to cook and clean and take care of myself, therefore; i know i wont be relying on anyone to 'think' that they have to take care of me. of course a helping hand from someone you love is a beautiful thing. marriage itself is a beautiful. i see it as a unit before God. its not about a piece of paper or even the ring :)
I really enjoyed your perspective in this video it was so candid!! Our Creator has said that we are a compliment to men not below them, they are not above us, we are to compliment each other. Many strive to be superior to men and these women are never happy because we are to be partners. I have been married for 17 years to my best friend and we are a team. I was taught in a caribbean home to cook, clean, be a decent human being and it has never failed me and derailed my happiness. Good for you
a status from my Facebook page - [ To my Black Sistahs: In your relationships with Black Men, too many of you proudly wear the badge of Independence like it's a Congressional Medal of Honor. Rid yourSELVES of this failing belief (independence). There is no glory in starting wars with Black Men that are avoidable, unncessary, too costly, and unwinnable. There is no 'heroes welcome' awaiting you. ] Great video, kimmaytube! Defintely an instafavorite and I will share this on Facebook.
Independent is the wrong word to be tagging yourSELVES with. The word entails opposite, divison, seperation, and distance, all of which create conflict in your relationships with BM. Relationships are based on INTER-dependency, not independency. Saying you're strong and INDEPENDENT places you in direct opposition with the very men you claim to be.
I am just seeing this video and good stuff! Thanks for your input, it is a little hard pill to swallow for me but it is good. I am 36 and yes, want to get and be happily married and it something I have found myself not always wanting to say or even feel but it is what it is! :-) I have taken it to God and that's all I can do...Thanks!
I'm not saying that being domestic is bad. Not at all. I can't wait to have a couple brats!^__^ But women are expected to not only be great homemakers, but also be able to handle the role as breadwinner. Because should something happen to hubby, a knowledge of how to get a stain out will not pay the mortgage. As long as a man is filling the "male" role, he's seen as a hero. But a female has to be superwoman. Oh well, ^__^
This video was directed towards women. I believe it is important for women to discuss improving ourselves without diverting the attention to what men should be doing. Deflection is distraction for inaction.
You've mentioned many expectations of women (our roles & duties) however, you've made no mention of male contributions other than financial help. Why is that?
Being the "breadwinner" does not make a woman a man. Again, all adults should be self-sufficient & financially prep.
@kimmaytube I only have 500 characters. ^__^ And you mentioned the traditional female role, so I mentioned the traditional male role. Men have their issues too, especially young men and school, expressing emotion and the expectation that they must support a woman. I never said being the breadwinner makes a woman into a man. There are dynamic women who find it hard to meet a compatible man. Your friends said they are more concerned with a woman's cooking over her education. I think It's a shame.
Why is it a shame? Why is it so hard to accept that men (who are born from women & have been nurtured since day one as my husband puts it) desire that "feminine" nurturing quality in their (future) spouse?
No, most men will not value your education as MUCH as you do. From a practical standpoint, it makes sense.
The care & arms of a woman is their safe haven from the world outside. Your education is considered a bonus, but it is not & never will be your feminine appeal.
@kimmaytube I wasn't taught to consider education as a bonus, but as an integral part of adulthood. There is nothing wrong with being nurturing. We care for each other, taking turns and sharing in responsibilities. I never want a man who would tell our daughter "Education is optional and not feminine, cooking and cleaning are essential." My sweetheart loves knowledge so he loves a knowledgeable woman. My love of learning is a big part of me. He considers my appreciation for Batman a bonus. ^__^
Theres nothing wrong with being nurturing. Wasn't that the entire point of the video?
There is no need to contort my words with emotional scenarios that don't address the matter at hand. Point? A degree does not make you nurturing or more feminine to men.
I will be honest with my daughter. "College is for your personal development & achievement, but know how to COOK if you want to also be a wife."
Never neglect home. This is where women today fail in their relationships.
@kimmaytube I'm not neglecting home. What I got from the video was some men don't care about your intelligence or skills that will keep your family out of poverty. I'm glad I have another type of man. Those I surround myself with think a smart, capable woman is feminine and sexy. I don't think housekeeping is what makes a great wife (i.e. Martha Stewart ^__^). It's more. My sweety loves my cooking, but he loves me deeply for everything else I bring to the table. ^__^ (See what I did there? lol)
You misunderstood. "Never neglect home..." is a value I will pass on to my future children.
I didn't say "men don't value intelligent women". Re-watch? Most married woman in our circle have at least one college degree & earns a six figure salary. They're also family focused & maintaining their homes is a trait their husbands VALUE greatly.
Women must BALANCE work & home life. The problem is, u made this about yourself & filled in blanks. I'll never know you personally.
@rosereddoll Well what about if something should happen to wifey?? He will have to learn to be domestic or whatever as well.. it's not like he will suddenly acquire such skills either.. the point is that you should both be able to be partners and share chores, roles and life.. We need to stop thinking like islands. I am happy to be a woman.. we have something to give that men can't.. and vice versa..
@ambuyeangaakumwamba I agree. Men shouldn't have to feel like domestic responsibilities are solely "feminine". We should share in responsibilities; that's what I grew up with. There was no talk of "woman's work" from my father when he helped my mother with caring for the house. : /
So I modeled my relationships after that. As close to 50/50 as possible. And one can step in for the other when necessary. I wouldn't feel right heavily basing my relationship on antiquated roles. That's me, though.
@rosereddoll True, wise comment. To Kimmaytube, the reason why the lady said that she was proud that "she can't cook" is because it defies stereotypes. As Chris Rock said, men get unnecessarily praised for doing what they are supposed to do, esp. as fathers but womyn don't get appreciated enough, as rosereddoll said.
This video is a warning to me, but not the way you intended!^__^ There is nothing wrong with cooking and cleaning, my fiance and I share in those responsibilities about 50/50. We enjoy it. But I am overjoyed that he loves my hunger for knowledge and exciting experiences, not just how well I can bake a pie! (which is perfectly btw! ^__^). I would never want to be with someone who says "Masters degree? Great conversationalist? Whatever! Can she scrub a floor?!"
I'm there now. It seems like you and I are on the same brain wave. I guess its just the stages we go through from childhood to adulthood. I appreciate you remarks and will apply them to my life wisely.
I love to see how you're maturing! Let that light shine girl! Personally I LOVE TO COOK! I love the compliments I get from preparing food, I love seeing the looks of pleasure on my friends & families faces when we share a meal. I love recreating and keeping my West Indian heritage alive for my children and hopefully their children, through food (among other things!)
On marriage & men...not to much to say here my husband & I have been together for over 20 yrs with 3 kids...& i'm only 35 LOL!
I am educated & somewhat accomplished but I never throw my AA men under the bus. I think AA women must have the things needed to live well. Education, job, etc is VERY important because the reality of the fact is there are not enough eligible AA men out there. Unless an AA woman is willing to date outside of her race she has to be prepared to live well by her own means.
I agree 100% that u need to know what you want. Really look inside yourself and be willing to sacrifice for what you want.
Thank you for this. Many younger black women need to hear this information and mind-set. Right now, our community is broken, and if women knew their nature we can restore much of the connection between the Black Man and the Black Woman.
I had to watch this twice. The first time I was in awe of your hair, beautiful:) The second time, I listened and I too am in my 30s and remember those years of the 20s..whew! I am single after years of failed relationships while trying to obtain my degrees and work. Now, I am ready to settle down, so all you have said, I am in agreement with based on my research of men and preparing myself for this new dating season in my life. Good words of wisdom.
I think the focus is on "what men want" way too much in our society!! Woman have to dress a certain way act a certain way... Nobody coach men about how to act dress or treat a woman... I think we give way too much to men who are trained not to give back... I'm not bitter or anything just in case someone thinks that.. Im just stating my views of the matter.
@sweething319 I feel what you are saying. I think I have to watch this video again before I reply to kimmay; but I was concerned with how it seemed focused on what men want. I def don't think that women should be scorned for being in the kitchen, on the other hand I question why we shouldn't also ask for nurturing and understanding men. To me it seems that the ideal would be mutual understanding and respect and that those ideals could be lived out in different ways for different people.
@sweething319 I feel what you are saying. I think I have to watch this video again before I reply to kimmay; but I was concerned with how it seemed focused on what men want. I don't think that women should be scorned for being in the kitchen, on the other hand I question why we shouldn't also ask for nurturing and understanding men. To me it seems that the ideal would be mutual understanding and respect and that those ideals could be lived out in different ways for different people.
Kim, just wondering why u don't wear your engagement ring? I had this convo with my girls & most of us don't wear our wedding band nor engagement ring. Does this make your husband angry. Men seem to think they own us or the symbol of a ring needs to be stated at all times. Truth be told my fingers just got to fat to wear them but most of our husbands are upset we don't wear the rings they worked so hard to get us.. Maybe after 10 yrs. of marriage the symbol means less & less? What ya'll think?
huh? Why do you think I have an engagement ring? :-)
As for my wedding band, I wear it proudly. I want the world to know that I am married. At the least, I hope it is a deterrent because I don't want random men approaching me as if I am a single woman.
And as far as I can tell, because I will never speak for him, my husband's views seem similar.
As for men/husbands thinking they own us, I personally can't relate to that. Maybe others can chime in. :-/
@aubainmc Even as a lady, when I give a person a gift, I like for them to use it. So I can understand a man not liking his lady wearing the ring that he gave to his lady. I wouldn't say men like to "control" their women, but I do think they would like for us ladies to acknowledge the commitment the ring represents.
you are so right, im under the age of 18 and i think everything u saying is true. cooking is a great thing, the same way a woman may like a man with handy skills and could do a simple task. i think its about give and take and teamwork
Men don't always know what they want in their twenties either. Their signals are as contorted as their female counterparts. I do agree that twenties should be reserved for growth and maturity, accepting that it is natural to be married, not demeaning.
us to carry out "our" domestic roles. My response is: why wouldn't someone want another person to cook and clean for them? Why wouldn't someone want to sit on the couch while wifey makes dinner especially if society approves of this inequality? So much of the work that we do within society is naturalized, seen as part of our identities and is not seen as exploitative. White people do not pick cotton, men do not change diapers. That has been the established division of labor.
Interesting. Ok so this video mainly focused upon women conforming to what men need and to the expectations that are forced upon us by living in a patriarchal society. Within capitalism there has been a clear division of labor based upon race, nationality and gender. Woman have done much work within society that is devalued/non paid and the labor that we have carried out has been attached our identities: as if we are "naturally" caring/want to clean/cook etc. Society (men and women) then expect
I agree. I too was very headstrong but over the years have....mellowed? I remember seeing both my mother and grandmother being very nuturing and thinking no way!
I guess as a Cancerian woman, these things come naturally to me. My husband appreciates my feminity, my ability to cook anything from scratch, the way I keep house, the type of mother I am, and how I take care of him. I never kept a clique of chicks squawking in my ear about their indepence, not my style. I am in my early thirties btw, married to my college sweetheart. It also didn't hurt that my father was a basketball and football coach and I was surrounded by men since birth...lol
I use to make it a point to understand what men wanted in women. My life experience's in relationships, etc.. taught me. But when i decided i wanted to get married, I asked myself what I wanted in a man. When i began my search for that man, anyone who didn't fit into my idea of what i wanted my relationship to look like, i totally dismissed. What I ended up with was a wonderful man who cooks, clean, etc and his goal in life is to make me smile. We're getting married January 1 2011!
im ur new subscriber. i have learnt a loooot from ur videos. abt life and hair.thankyou
.please advise me using giovanni leave in. its expensive for me to buy KKKT online. i bought it once and i loved ur leave in. but xpensive. what do u think thankyou.
I don't know how I missed this video. Prolly busy w school. Something told me to come to your channel for some positivity and inspiration, and as i scrolled thru the videos I found this one and it was exactly what I needed 2 hear. Such an honest and genuinely friendly person. THANK YOU:) I agree w what u said!
this was a sweet video. i admire your honesty and how you share your personal journey. I can relate to your journey because I've walked that path as well. I'm now in my 40's and I've evolved even more as it relates to relationships -- not just man/woman relationship but even with family and friends. Thanks for sharing!
It's not degrading to cook for yourself, a partner, or anyone else. The belief that women are obligated to do household labor just because they're women is degrading.
I'm on the same page as you in terms of being a strong woman and an independent thinker, but I am a very traditional person at the core of my being. I wholeheartedly believe that much of a woman's strength is her ability so bring peace into her home, to nurture and nourish her children, and to pay attention to the details that sometimes men are just not wired to pay attention to. I'm all about shared responsibility, but women have certain gifts that are the source of much of our strength, too.
@kcl060 ICAM! Historically, the roles btwn men&women have been defined(excluding single mothers; they HAVE to do it all).Today, if a woman wants a relationship/career she has to balance both.She must satisfy her man's expectations, as well as her ambitions(men arent going to change just because we have). She cant neglect one or the other. I have a career; it was my decision, I have a husband;I cook&clean.I expect him to contribute to the finances,he expects me to take care of home.We both submit
Great advice!! Thanks for sharing!! I've recently started asking my guy friends what they are looking for in a young lady and it's so interesting to hear their response.
It's so interesting how we evolve but yet the beginning and end line is that we ALL want SOMEONE to love us.....TRUTHFULLY, HONESTLY, & COMPLETELY. You may not want to get married (in the legal sense) or have children but you DO want SOMEONE to be able to look you in the eye and KNOW that when they say " I see you" that they mean it. We may be born into this world alone, we may die alone, but we want our life's journey to be shared..even at some point.
I think women should be proud of their accomplishments and a good man will be proud of them too but women and men should realize that all those pieces of paper you have and all those letters behind your name doesn't guarantee you should have a mate and it definitely doesn't mean you are good husband or good wife material.
Also, thanks for sharing that it's okay to express ones desire to get married. I know people who have ridiculed me for that, but that doesn't stop me,
Thanks Kim, I enjoyed this video. You are soo right and I'm surprised to hear that black men are actually thinking and talking about what they want, and that is a good no great thing. Also what you said about importance applies to both men and women, I'm saying this because some men think it's all about their needs and that a woman's job is just to cater to them but forget about catering to that woman. Some of them act like babies when they don't get their way, to a detrimental point.
Thanks Kim, I enjoyed this video. You are soo right and I'm surprised to hear that black men are actually thinking and talking about what they want, and that is a good no great thing.
Wow. I'm 19 and I didn't realize that I'm on the way to becoming one of those "independent" women. I also want to have a good man and family in the future and you made me realize a few things about myself that could use a bit of work. Thank you.
Well said
sybellRN 3 weeks ago
I really like this sista!
Veteranrockband 3 weeks ago
Good news is, women are equipped to satisfy a man's needs....and vise versa (whether you can cook or not). As a wife, if I have the ability and love for someone like I do for my husband, I will try my best to make the best meal possible for him!!! You do what you can when there is love <3
pencilcurls 1 month ago
you nailed it lady! :)
shunee12 1 month ago
CAN THE WHITE GUY GET SOME ATTENTION ALREADY
OaklandAthletics53 1 month ago
Sooo true
ladyen7 1 month ago
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yokinee1 1 month ago
Wow, this is the most beneficial video on youtube. Honestly, I'm more that impressed with the wealth of information you provided. Thank you so much for sharing this , because our generation seems to be getting lost/ caught in the media's definition of who they should be, instead of paying attention to the reality and life that's passing away infront of them. If most people had this information, there's be less mid-life crisis and depression. Major thumbs up. Thank you.
abisaber90 2 months ago
Great perspective....that's so true about the word marriage; it's as if it is taboo to mention it in these day and times. We have lost our way as a race on family unity.
ItsABeautifulDayCuti 3 months ago
thank you for spreading the positivity, and telling us how it is.
TheBella3470 3 months ago
hey kimmay how did you get your hair like this it is the BOmB!! please share thanks!!
misssaudacity 4 months ago
Great point, Kimmaytube. You rock!
dajon122 4 months ago
so angry? Because they started out their lives with a lie. They went for what everyone told them would make them happy and they denied their nature. I am not saying we are all the same and share one nature. The womens lib movement is saying that. I am saying the complete opposite. How can anyone expect to be loved when they have failed to self examine and embrace who they really are. Thank you again kimmaytube
hananajlaable 4 months ago
@hananajlaable say what?! Amen!
bbnne11 4 months ago
Well said Sis. I enjoyed this video and true speak. The womens lib movement was a sham. The "lucky" women Meaning the women who actually pull of a marriage) are working harder than ever managing a career and home, only to have those homes fall apart. 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. We do not have to compete with men to embrace our own rights and freedoms. Take a step back from the rat race be honest with yourself about who you are. Do you want to know why some women seem...
hananajlaable 4 months ago
As a well-educated female, I appreciate your view on this subject. Too often, African American women see this view as a weakness- but it's not.
woodardmy 4 months ago
Totally agree with this video..."You got to give a little to get a little." and I believe, If you give a lot, you will get a lot.
lovelycoils 4 months ago
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lovelycoils 4 months ago
Great advice and direction for single people (women) and for the black family. Thankyou.
lovelycoils 4 months ago
Great video and you made some wonderful points on life:)
TheMschristina19 4 months ago
What happens to the domestic goddess when her husband decides to leave her or cheat on her?
ubiquitousfacts 4 months ago
@ubiquitousfacts Well I know you put your trust in the Most High... Jesus christ.. he will lead you in allllllllll things!
bbnne11 4 months ago
@bbnne11
Very funny.
ubiquitousfacts 3 months ago
Haha I learned to cook because I like to eat well, not to catch a husband in the forest somewhere.
ubiquitousfacts 4 months ago
Some of you all are missing the message of the video
145lbbabes 5 months ago
Goodness I couldn't even finish watching this... hackneyed.
WhoCares3001 5 months ago
one word… AWESOME!
dookiss1 5 months ago
Thank you for sharing as always and I totally enjoy your nuggets on Twitter. More more more .
mszeee 5 months ago
I really love seeing a intelligent black woman , defeating the ghetto stereotype .
LunchBox162010 5 months ago 34
@LunchBox162010 amen to that sister!
prix205 2 months ago
@LunchBox162010 we r everywhere
eb7348 2 months ago
YOU ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOUR VIDS JUST FABULOUS LADY
kichaawetu 5 months ago
Continuation... This us also an ongoing discussion in my circle. I'm going to forward the link if that's okay. I hope that there are black men out there also asking the question of what their women want and need. Instead of abandoning a whole race of people for "greener pastures". Thanks for sharing.
junkrack 5 months ago
Interesting. Finding the balance for one's self and one's family is key. I think it's important for both partners to be flexible and not let stereotypical gender role assignments define their relationship or who they are in that relationship. Having said that, I agree that we need to put a stop to this animosity that seems to exist between black men and women today. It's so sad. We need to ask ourselves how we got to this point, where we just can't seem to even tolerate one another. This has be
junkrack 5 months ago
Excellent video!!
LivingREEdefined 5 months ago
I think people need to stop all this gender/ racial stereotyping/ typecasting. At the day's end, if a lady wants to be a breadwinner or wife, so be it. If a guy wants to stay at home or take care of the bills, so be it! That's their right and we should respect it.
HappyHooker83 5 months ago 13
Thank you for doing this video, that was so insightful and needed.
ShamekaYMarshall 6 months ago
Thank you for being so honest! You are such a wonderful and inspirational lady. I look forward to getting my Kimmay updates on youtube and twitter. Thanks lady!
PinkIceJournies 6 months ago
Well Said:)
princessallen31 6 months ago
I'm glad you put this video on here. I am in agreement, and am amazed that you had a similar mindset that I had a few years ago when I was in my early 20s. The problem isn't that women take care of the domestics, rather the low value that is placed on that, and the lack of choices many women have. If that is our CHOICE then that is beautiful. If we are forced or pressured into only taking care of one thing, then there's a problem or if our work is undervalued. LOVE this video.
pauley20 6 months ago
Yeah I like this video. I'm 20 and almost done w/ college, and my mom is a great example of someone is both professional and domestic. BUT my dad is also a great example of a man who understands that when my mom doesn't feel well, he can pick up some domestic responsibilities as well and he does ALL of the outside work, lol. this to me shows me how a marriage works and how it lasts. great great video hope with all the views people pick up something valuable.
artcar88 6 months ago
I really enjoyed this video. It actually changed the way I think of this whole aspect of life. I was thinking, this is why we find more interracial couples now a-days. Not that there is anything wrong with them, be who you feel your heart is drawing you to. But the fact that African American men and women can not come to terms with what the other wants and instead rather bash them, they find another mate within another race that sees things their way. its sad and needs to be dealt with
MsKeeshKeesh 6 months ago
If you share a personal story or two and cry a little bit, you could be Oprah
SxyAmyD 6 months ago
I have a masters degree, but can't wait to be a stay at home mom when they are young. I will use my will power, intelligence and strength to make sure that the first few years of their lives are formative, happy and balanced. And then get back on the working scene. :) I also like to cook and do stuff for people and am not ashamed of it. But u better believe I can get a pay check too. :) I don't wanna be super independent cause it was not meant for us to be alone :) More power in union.
tuxu14 6 months ago 2
Well said, I really appreciate this video.
stdorsey 7 months ago
your so right kimmy...i started feeling weird becuz i wanted to be a nurturer and wanted to take care of a home and have a career..love ur vids
tiffany7972 7 months ago
If my husband goes out and works all day to take care of our family, the least I can do is fix the man some food. I use to think really silly in my younger days also. Now that I am older, I see that it is about working together and both of us doing our parts to better our family. I don't care what culture says, culture is usually wrong anyway. I do what is best for me and my family.
unmoveablesteadfast 7 months ago
I love this vid. I am in school and getting an education, but I am also a stay at home mom. I am old school to my heart. My husband is the provider and I take care of the home. This is because I want it that way. I have two young children and I want to raise them. I don't want to school or daycare taking care of my children. I know some people don't have a choice. I thank God that I do have a choice. It is not always easy,but for my children it is more than worth it.
unmoveablesteadfast 7 months ago
Very candid and wise....
PhoenixStarrfaceTV 8 months ago
Can you please do more videos similar to this. I really learn a lot from these videos. I admire how hard working and driven you are.
0119alt 8 months ago
I think in our society, in most patriarchial societies, women are not appreciated the way men are. Or for the same reasons. Women are usually appreciated more for their beauty or looks and their domestic skills... not saying this is best but it is the way of the world. But it is a parents job to teach their children especially their daughters how to be a well balanced woman since she will have to support herself. How to be a helpmate and a good wife and mother. Most women waste their 20s IMO
ValueLady 9 months ago
WISDOM!!!!!
500deanna 9 months ago
i felt the same way abt cooking and life. I am only 22 years old and im realizing it now. I can be independent as a person and not just as a woman. I agree with ur message
memebrady 9 months ago
Thank you for this video Kim. June I will be 25, a lot of the issue you spoke about hit home... after watching this video I just had to take a step back and re-evaluate my self and my opinion. .... Thank you again for being truthful on that topic and not dressing it up. keep up the amazing work.
RhainaTube 9 months ago
U r so right. I'm 22 and I will be 23 in July this year. I realized the very thing that u r saying although I struggle a little with the question of do I just be single and have fun with my twenties or should I just give in to my desire to be that nurturing caring wife to a special man? I go back and forward with that all the time cause sometimes one feeling is stronger than the other. Wat do u think?
jamexicangirl 9 months ago
EXCELLENT MESSAGE ! Y'AL BETTER LISTEN
CookingwithHaiti 9 months ago
This is a great video. So many women can't do ANYTHING domestic or be nurturing/sweet and then wonder why they can't get a man.
On the flip side, I wonder if men are out there talking to their female friends trying to figure out what WOMEN want in a husband. Many don't seem to be striving to be that man. I feel like SO many guys fall short of being a good husband material and don't have the potential to be EXCELLENT providers, but yet women are falling over themselves to be in their favor.
anpvk7 9 months ago 2
@anpvk7 Thank you for your insight because I feel the same EXACT way
MarsharenaLee01 6 months ago
Awesome u are right on point
sunofman2008 9 months ago
thank you :)
strz4pchz 9 months ago
i think i like your talk videos more than your hair videos (sometimes) lol more of these please
astrozier1 10 months ago
Thank you sister for this video!! I am in my mid 20'sand I used to be proud to say I cant cook and I didnt really think about marriage or having kids. But, I'm starting to realize that I do want a loving marriage and kids. I'm starting to better myself, so that I can be the best wife. Thank you for this grear video ...you really inspired me :)
SLIMGOODIES06 10 months ago
@bbnne1 lol. I really appreciate the interest. But I ramble too much for videos like this. But I can say, Kimmay made an awesome leap in the right direction when she decided to ask a man rather than listen to other women.
wwestNDNbeautyy 10 months ago
thanks for this :-)
boldattractions 10 months ago
Where has this video been? Never saw it before. I really appreciate this side of you :)
wwestNDNbeautyy 10 months ago
I miss your other videos about advice to 23 year old me or something!
TheVGinia 10 months ago
I was so encouraged by this video. Thank you, Kimmaytube.
Aamarec 11 months ago
@bbnne1 If you have read the book and you disagree, then I understand. However, to say that the only authority comes from the "good book" is really one sided. I never said Steve Harvey created marriage.
Ravenpriestess 11 months ago
Thanks for positive energy was very thought provoking for me :-)
Yolliekins 11 months ago
Your awesome. That is the truth. Thank you for sharing. :)
angelinaholman0311 11 months ago
I have a really good book recommendation on this topic- Act Like a Lady and Think LIke a Man by Steve Harvey. Excellent book! Steve Harvey just breaks down the whole relationship thing. He also has a new book out that my mom has and I'm hoping to borrow it once she's done.
Ravenpriestess 11 months ago
What online dating service did Kim use to meet Kevin? Thanks in advance for your reply.
lovehope3753 1 year ago
Then you have a child and now you have to be nurturing to a life that is dependent on you to add to that you have a demanding job and you still have to be a great wifey. Reality sets in. It's....not....easy. But it's possible. What worked for me, finding a job with flex time, keeping a tight schedule and learning how to prioritize and when to say no. I still have to repeat IT'S NOT EASY! Lol!
nyaassis 1 year ago
Well said Kim! Great video.
lfenelus 1 year ago
Marriage is about inter-dependence and vulnerability from each party involved. I completely agree with you that women consult other women too much on what keeps a man happy. I had to grow up really quick in order to maintain a happy marriage, and I am glad I did.
winterssoulstyce 1 year ago
It would be nice for you to make another video regarding the things you have said in this vid including your husband's and other mens' thoughts on what was important to them to have in a wife and what they would bring to the table as a husband as well.
shanzie81 1 year ago
i understand making a nurturing home for him but what should we expect in return from him...we can't expect to do everything without someone nurturing us
dajewel1982 1 year ago
@dajewel1982 love, protection and loyalty.. which should go both ways!
ambuyeangaakumwamba 1 year ago
This was very refreshing to hear. I agree with you!
leilanime 1 year ago
very well said =)
MsJoy4ever 1 year ago
I've always wanted to ask men that same question, so thanks, I think I will. :)
jeremiahoneandfive 1 year ago
Thanks for the advice!
lovelyafroqueen 1 year ago
Such good points! I wanted to give you a thumbs up but the ratings are disabled.
Aiviloarts 1 year ago
Great great vid!! I'm moving through a similar evolutiion RIGHT NOW! and it feels soo good to have the freedom to develop/embrace new facets in my identity... Thanks for sending a msg to women everywhere that there's not a thing wrong with that! besos!
girlfromipanema09 1 year ago
Thank you Kimmay! I REALLY like when you make these types of videos
Gabbihealth 1 year ago
How did I miss this video?! Kim, thanks so much for the advice. It's stuff that young women need 2 hear. I love when you do videos like this because we, the audience get to know you more. :) I'm still mad I missed this one! LoL!
Geezeimhungry 1 year ago
im 23 and i feel stressed after watching this...
anyways...i love these kinds of videos!!!
0119alt 1 year ago
@0119alt what makes you feel stressed?
shanzie81 1 year ago
Thanks for your comments on this topic - I really hope that the stereotype of young ambitious black women not wanting committed relationships or a 'domestic' lifestyle can be destroyed. It's just not true for many women. This scenario has really been unfair to a lot of young black women who may be enjoying their life and for some reason or another have just not married yet; but they desire and are actively seeking marriage.
jlean11 1 year ago
@jlean11
:o)
It's up to young women to destroy the stereotype. It won't destroy itself. Our (American) culture as a whole devalues marriage & family focus. People are encouraged to party through their late 20's & 30's without thinking about the future. Women, unlike men, don't have the luxury of extended fertility well into senior age. So it has to be on her mind even if she isn't ready for it. She has to have a 5 - 10 yr plan & not waste time on men who will take her youth. But many do.
kimmaytube 1 year ago
wow its funny I come arcoss this...I also was "independent" and did not view marriage as a important part in my life. now turning 30 and having a long-term relationship, both me and my partner are understand the importantance as well as putting christ in the center of our relationship...I'm now just getting it...
bpt80ct 1 year ago
You are such a beautiful spirit... words fail me at the moment to accurately compliment you on what you have offered to us in terms of what you share in your videos... you are the ideal African woman who have truly come to know herself and understand the world around her. You have cause me to appreciate my wife even more... thank you..
gutabud 1 year ago
Comment removed
blazefries 1 year ago
Great video and excellent points!! I too wonder how I missed this one, but I also see that the number of views is less, so perhaps this was just uploaded. Anyway great to see it and as usual, you hear was fantastic!
AYWalton 1 year ago
Thanks for sharing Kim :-) I got married at 22 and definately have had to come to terms with some of the things you talked about in this video (like that "independant" mindset) and revamp how I thought in order to have a happy marriage. I hope you continue to make vids like this becuz they are truly insightful and helpful
Ebby1019 1 year ago
Well said, I agree with you all the way!
dana1900 1 year ago
as a young lady that stands before God, i know what i believe in. and marriage is def at the top of my list. i am young, 21 to be exact. and i love to cook and clean and take care of myself, therefore; i know i wont be relying on anyone to 'think' that they have to take care of me. of course a helping hand from someone you love is a beautiful thing. marriage itself is a beautiful. i see it as a unit before God. its not about a piece of paper or even the ring :)
i love your work Kim. your amazing
UrLadeeKat 1 year ago 2
I'm 21. I dont think I want to get married. I dont mind cooking or doing stuff like that. But idk. Marriage isnt for everyone.
Qannah 1 year ago 6
wow...how did I miss this vid. Thanks for sharing
Kinkycurlycoil 1 year ago
I really enjoyed your perspective in this video it was so candid!! Our Creator has said that we are a compliment to men not below them, they are not above us, we are to compliment each other. Many strive to be superior to men and these women are never happy because we are to be partners. I have been married for 17 years to my best friend and we are a team. I was taught in a caribbean home to cook, clean, be a decent human being and it has never failed me and derailed my happiness. Good for you
queenofsheba66 1 year ago 2
a status from my Facebook page - [ To my Black Sistahs: In your relationships with Black Men, too many of you proudly wear the badge of Independence like it's a Congressional Medal of Honor. Rid yourSELVES of this failing belief (independence). There is no glory in starting wars with Black Men that are avoidable, unncessary, too costly, and unwinnable. There is no 'heroes welcome' awaiting you. ] Great video, kimmaytube! Defintely an instafavorite and I will share this on Facebook.
mrflightrisk 1 year ago
@mrflightrisk
Independent is the wrong word to be tagging yourSELVES with. The word entails opposite, divison, seperation, and distance, all of which create conflict in your relationships with BM. Relationships are based on INTER-dependency, not independency. Saying you're strong and INDEPENDENT places you in direct opposition with the very men you claim to be.
mrflightrisk 1 year ago 2
Honey some older women are still going thru what you went thru in your 20's. :) Good video!!!!!!!
Silkyslim48 1 year ago
Awesome video! I too ran from the truth like you did in my 20's lol. Thanks for sharing!
brownin239 1 year ago
awesome video!!! i really needed to hear that!
kbarnwell86 1 year ago
I am just seeing this video and good stuff! Thanks for your input, it is a little hard pill to swallow for me but it is good. I am 36 and yes, want to get and be happily married and it something I have found myself not always wanting to say or even feel but it is what it is! :-) I have taken it to God and that's all I can do...Thanks!
mcgeechevelle 1 year ago
I'm not saying that being domestic is bad. Not at all. I can't wait to have a couple brats!^__^ But women are expected to not only be great homemakers, but also be able to handle the role as breadwinner. Because should something happen to hubby, a knowledge of how to get a stain out will not pay the mortgage. As long as a man is filling the "male" role, he's seen as a hero. But a female has to be superwoman. Oh well, ^__^
rosereddoll 1 year ago 21
@rosereddoll
This video was directed towards women. I believe it is important for women to discuss improving ourselves without diverting the attention to what men should be doing. Deflection is distraction for inaction.
You've mentioned many expectations of women (our roles & duties) however, you've made no mention of male contributions other than financial help. Why is that?
Being the "breadwinner" does not make a woman a man. Again, all adults should be self-sufficient & financially prep.
kimmaytube 1 year ago
@kimmaytube I only have 500 characters. ^__^ And you mentioned the traditional female role, so I mentioned the traditional male role. Men have their issues too, especially young men and school, expressing emotion and the expectation that they must support a woman. I never said being the breadwinner makes a woman into a man. There are dynamic women who find it hard to meet a compatible man. Your friends said they are more concerned with a woman's cooking over her education. I think It's a shame.
rosereddoll 1 year ago 5
@rosereddoll
Why is it a shame? Why is it so hard to accept that men (who are born from women & have been nurtured since day one as my husband puts it) desire that "feminine" nurturing quality in their (future) spouse?
No, most men will not value your education as MUCH as you do. From a practical standpoint, it makes sense.
The care & arms of a woman is their safe haven from the world outside. Your education is considered a bonus, but it is not & never will be your feminine appeal.
kimmaytube 1 year ago 6
@kimmaytube I wasn't taught to consider education as a bonus, but as an integral part of adulthood. There is nothing wrong with being nurturing. We care for each other, taking turns and sharing in responsibilities. I never want a man who would tell our daughter "Education is optional and not feminine, cooking and cleaning are essential." My sweetheart loves knowledge so he loves a knowledgeable woman. My love of learning is a big part of me. He considers my appreciation for Batman a bonus. ^__^
rosereddoll 1 year ago 23
@rosereddoll
Theres nothing wrong with being nurturing. Wasn't that the entire point of the video?
There is no need to contort my words with emotional scenarios that don't address the matter at hand. Point? A degree does not make you nurturing or more feminine to men.
I will be honest with my daughter. "College is for your personal development & achievement, but know how to COOK if you want to also be a wife."
Never neglect home. This is where women today fail in their relationships.
kimmaytube 1 year ago 14
@kimmaytube I'm not neglecting home. What I got from the video was some men don't care about your intelligence or skills that will keep your family out of poverty. I'm glad I have another type of man. Those I surround myself with think a smart, capable woman is feminine and sexy. I don't think housekeeping is what makes a great wife (i.e. Martha Stewart ^__^). It's more. My sweety loves my cooking, but he loves me deeply for everything else I bring to the table. ^__^ (See what I did there? lol)
rosereddoll 1 year ago 4
@rosereddoll
You misunderstood. "Never neglect home..." is a value I will pass on to my future children.
I didn't say "men don't value intelligent women". Re-watch? Most married woman in our circle have at least one college degree & earns a six figure salary. They're also family focused & maintaining their homes is a trait their husbands VALUE greatly.
Women must BALANCE work & home life. The problem is, u made this about yourself & filled in blanks. I'll never know you personally.
kimmaytube 1 year ago
@kimmaytube Wow, silly me I learned to cook simply because for enjoyment (and I like to eat).
WhoCares3001 5 months ago
@kimmaytube AMEN!!
Plaisir09 4 months ago
@rosereddoll Well what about if something should happen to wifey?? He will have to learn to be domestic or whatever as well.. it's not like he will suddenly acquire such skills either.. the point is that you should both be able to be partners and share chores, roles and life.. We need to stop thinking like islands. I am happy to be a woman.. we have something to give that men can't.. and vice versa..
ambuyeangaakumwamba 1 year ago
@ambuyeangaakumwamba I agree. Men shouldn't have to feel like domestic responsibilities are solely "feminine". We should share in responsibilities; that's what I grew up with. There was no talk of "woman's work" from my father when he helped my mother with caring for the house. : /
So I modeled my relationships after that. As close to 50/50 as possible. And one can step in for the other when necessary. I wouldn't feel right heavily basing my relationship on antiquated roles. That's me, though.
rosereddoll 1 year ago 5
@rosereddoll True, wise comment. To Kimmaytube, the reason why the lady said that she was proud that "she can't cook" is because it defies stereotypes. As Chris Rock said, men get unnecessarily praised for doing what they are supposed to do, esp. as fathers but womyn don't get appreciated enough, as rosereddoll said.
TheHoeDownTV 10 months ago 3
This video is a warning to me, but not the way you intended!^__^ There is nothing wrong with cooking and cleaning, my fiance and I share in those responsibilities about 50/50. We enjoy it. But I am overjoyed that he loves my hunger for knowledge and exciting experiences, not just how well I can bake a pie! (which is perfectly btw! ^__^). I would never want to be with someone who says "Masters degree? Great conversationalist? Whatever! Can she scrub a floor?!"
rosereddoll 1 year ago 6
wow...how did I miss this vid. Thanks for sharing Kimmay.
mpenny226 1 year ago
I'm there now. It seems like you and I are on the same brain wave. I guess its just the stages we go through from childhood to adulthood. I appreciate you remarks and will apply them to my life wisely.
MsGyption3 1 year ago
I love to see how you're maturing! Let that light shine girl! Personally I LOVE TO COOK! I love the compliments I get from preparing food, I love seeing the looks of pleasure on my friends & families faces when we share a meal. I love recreating and keeping my West Indian heritage alive for my children and hopefully their children, through food (among other things!)
On marriage & men...not to much to say here my husband & I have been together for over 20 yrs with 3 kids...& i'm only 35 LOL!
Discodumpling 1 year ago
I am educated & somewhat accomplished but I never throw my AA men under the bus. I think AA women must have the things needed to live well. Education, job, etc is VERY important because the reality of the fact is there are not enough eligible AA men out there. Unless an AA woman is willing to date outside of her race she has to be prepared to live well by her own means.
I agree 100% that u need to know what you want. Really look inside yourself and be willing to sacrifice for what you want.
Giggra 1 year ago 3
Thank you for this. Many younger black women need to hear this information and mind-set. Right now, our community is broken, and if women knew their nature we can restore much of the connection between the Black Man and the Black Woman.
Real Talk Kimmaytube!
SoleReflector 1 year ago
I had to watch this twice. The first time I was in awe of your hair, beautiful:) The second time, I listened and I too am in my 30s and remember those years of the 20s..whew! I am single after years of failed relationships while trying to obtain my degrees and work. Now, I am ready to settle down, so all you have said, I am in agreement with based on my research of men and preparing myself for this new dating season in my life. Good words of wisdom.
sistasoul13 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing this video Kim. It was truly inspiring and instructional.
SacredWombman 1 year ago
I think the focus is on "what men want" way too much in our society!! Woman have to dress a certain way act a certain way... Nobody coach men about how to act dress or treat a woman... I think we give way too much to men who are trained not to give back... I'm not bitter or anything just in case someone thinks that.. Im just stating my views of the matter.
sweething319 1 year ago 6
@sweething319 I feel what you are saying. I think I have to watch this video again before I reply to kimmay; but I was concerned with how it seemed focused on what men want. I def don't think that women should be scorned for being in the kitchen, on the other hand I question why we shouldn't also ask for nurturing and understanding men. To me it seems that the ideal would be mutual understanding and respect and that those ideals could be lived out in different ways for different people.
tripudium17 1 year ago
@sweething319 I feel what you are saying. I think I have to watch this video again before I reply to kimmay; but I was concerned with how it seemed focused on what men want. I don't think that women should be scorned for being in the kitchen, on the other hand I question why we shouldn't also ask for nurturing and understanding men. To me it seems that the ideal would be mutual understanding and respect and that those ideals could be lived out in different ways for different people.
tripudium17 1 year ago
Kim, just wondering why u don't wear your engagement ring? I had this convo with my girls & most of us don't wear our wedding band nor engagement ring. Does this make your husband angry. Men seem to think they own us or the symbol of a ring needs to be stated at all times. Truth be told my fingers just got to fat to wear them but most of our husbands are upset we don't wear the rings they worked so hard to get us.. Maybe after 10 yrs. of marriage the symbol means less & less? What ya'll think?
aubainmc 1 year ago
@aubainmc
huh? Why do you think I have an engagement ring? :-)
As for my wedding band, I wear it proudly. I want the world to know that I am married. At the least, I hope it is a deterrent because I don't want random men approaching me as if I am a single woman.
And as far as I can tell, because I will never speak for him, my husband's views seem similar.
As for men/husbands thinking they own us, I personally can't relate to that. Maybe others can chime in. :-/
kimmaytube 1 year ago
@aubainmc Even as a lady, when I give a person a gift, I like for them to use it. So I can understand a man not liking his lady wearing the ring that he gave to his lady. I wouldn't say men like to "control" their women, but I do think they would like for us ladies to acknowledge the commitment the ring represents.
kculphat1004u 1 year ago
you are so right, im under the age of 18 and i think everything u saying is true. cooking is a great thing, the same way a woman may like a man with handy skills and could do a simple task. i think its about give and take and teamwork
SocaMusicLova 1 year ago
How did I miss this video??? I'm a subbie! This was a really good vid.
ncatstate 1 year ago
Men don't always know what they want in their twenties either. Their signals are as contorted as their female counterparts. I do agree that twenties should be reserved for growth and maturity, accepting that it is natural to be married, not demeaning.
SParkApCider 1 year ago 2
us to carry out "our" domestic roles. My response is: why wouldn't someone want another person to cook and clean for them? Why wouldn't someone want to sit on the couch while wifey makes dinner especially if society approves of this inequality? So much of the work that we do within society is naturalized, seen as part of our identities and is not seen as exploitative. White people do not pick cotton, men do not change diapers. That has been the established division of labor.
liberate1alaluz 1 year ago 4
Interesting. Ok so this video mainly focused upon women conforming to what men need and to the expectations that are forced upon us by living in a patriarchal society. Within capitalism there has been a clear division of labor based upon race, nationality and gender. Woman have done much work within society that is devalued/non paid and the labor that we have carried out has been attached our identities: as if we are "naturally" caring/want to clean/cook etc. Society (men and women) then expect
liberate1alaluz 1 year ago 4
I agree. I too was very headstrong but over the years have....mellowed? I remember seeing both my mother and grandmother being very nuturing and thinking no way!
speerrituall1 1 year ago
Very nice. Being Married 14yrs I can still take something away from this, Thank you!
Can you tell me where to get the jewelry tree/organizer thats on your dresser?
kaluv11 1 year ago
I guess as a Cancerian woman, these things come naturally to me. My husband appreciates my feminity, my ability to cook anything from scratch, the way I keep house, the type of mother I am, and how I take care of him. I never kept a clique of chicks squawking in my ear about their indepence, not my style. I am in my early thirties btw, married to my college sweetheart. It also didn't hurt that my father was a basketball and football coach and I was surrounded by men since birth...lol
mrstoya25 1 year ago
I love love love this video!!! So honest and so true.
PinkPanther1420 1 year ago
I use to make it a point to understand what men wanted in women. My life experience's in relationships, etc.. taught me. But when i decided i wanted to get married, I asked myself what I wanted in a man. When i began my search for that man, anyone who didn't fit into my idea of what i wanted my relationship to look like, i totally dismissed. What I ended up with was a wonderful man who cooks, clean, etc and his goal in life is to make me smile. We're getting married January 1 2011!
blkimble 1 year ago 3
hi kim
im ur new subscriber. i have learnt a loooot from ur videos. abt life and hair.thankyou
.please advise me using giovanni leave in. its expensive for me to buy KKKT online. i bought it once and i loved ur leave in. but xpensive. what do u think thankyou.
8muzna 1 year ago
I don't know how I missed this video. Prolly busy w school. Something told me to come to your channel for some positivity and inspiration, and as i scrolled thru the videos I found this one and it was exactly what I needed 2 hear. Such an honest and genuinely friendly person. THANK YOU:) I agree w what u said!
kharyzma4u 1 year ago
Great Chat. You are a Virtuous Woman.
ladyvirtue77 1 year ago
Kim, you are such a gift to us all here on YT! Thank you so much.
1960genius 1 year ago
this was a sweet video. i admire your honesty and how you share your personal journey. I can relate to your journey because I've walked that path as well. I'm now in my 40's and I've evolved even more as it relates to relationships -- not just man/woman relationship but even with family and friends. Thanks for sharing!
MimiDocere 1 year ago
It's not degrading to cook for yourself, a partner, or anyone else. The belief that women are obligated to do household labor just because they're women is degrading.
basbleupeaunoire 1 year ago
i like the "create a home" opinion, that is so true, yes a man can help with that but it is really a woman's job and we do it best.
sikemie19 1 year ago
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FunkyFabulousnCurvy 1 year ago
I'm on the same page as you in terms of being a strong woman and an independent thinker, but I am a very traditional person at the core of my being. I wholeheartedly believe that much of a woman's strength is her ability so bring peace into her home, to nurture and nourish her children, and to pay attention to the details that sometimes men are just not wired to pay attention to. I'm all about shared responsibility, but women have certain gifts that are the source of much of our strength, too.
kcl060 1 year ago 10
@kcl060 ICAM! Historically, the roles btwn men&women have been defined(excluding single mothers; they HAVE to do it all).Today, if a woman wants a relationship/career she has to balance both.She must satisfy her man's expectations, as well as her ambitions(men arent going to change just because we have). She cant neglect one or the other. I have a career; it was my decision, I have a husband;I cook&clean.I expect him to contribute to the finances,he expects me to take care of home.We both submit
deandreajefferson 1 year ago
Great advice!! Thanks for sharing!! I've recently started asking my guy friends what they are looking for in a young lady and it's so interesting to hear their response.
Holynapp 1 year ago
You're right about many women making the mistake of seeking advice about men from other women.
Chipotle77 1 year ago 2
It's so interesting how we evolve but yet the beginning and end line is that we ALL want SOMEONE to love us.....TRUTHFULLY, HONESTLY, & COMPLETELY. You may not want to get married (in the legal sense) or have children but you DO want SOMEONE to be able to look you in the eye and KNOW that when they say " I see you" that they mean it. We may be born into this world alone, we may die alone, but we want our life's journey to be shared..even at some point.
MsSassyLaRue 1 year ago 3
@MsSassyLaRue Amen.
Papillonmuscogee 1 year ago
Thanks. I am 18 and you made me rethink a lot of things. Thanks for caring enough to share with us.
brownieblush 1 year ago
I think women should be proud of their accomplishments and a good man will be proud of them too but women and men should realize that all those pieces of paper you have and all those letters behind your name doesn't guarantee you should have a mate and it definitely doesn't mean you are good husband or good wife material.
Angelgurl2 1 year ago
Great video, Kim!
sexyellex 1 year ago
Also, thanks for sharing that it's okay to express ones desire to get married. I know people who have ridiculed me for that, but that doesn't stop me,
Jansheff2010 1 year ago
Thanks Kim, I enjoyed this video. You are soo right and I'm surprised to hear that black men are actually thinking and talking about what they want, and that is a good no great thing. Also what you said about importance applies to both men and women, I'm saying this because some men think it's all about their needs and that a woman's job is just to cater to them but forget about catering to that woman. Some of them act like babies when they don't get their way, to a detrimental point.
Jansheff2010 1 year ago
Thanks Kim, I enjoyed this video. You are soo right and I'm surprised to hear that black men are actually thinking and talking about what they want, and that is a good no great thing.
Jansheff2010 1 year ago
Wow. I'm 19 and I didn't realize that I'm on the way to becoming one of those "independent" women. I also want to have a good man and family in the future and you made me realize a few things about myself that could use a bit of work. Thank you.
24colorblind 1 year ago
I deeefinitely don't think the thought of getting married is ridiculed...
jasminesque 1 year ago
IM SOO GLAD YOU'RE BACK GIRL!
msmelody1960 1 year ago
SUCH good advice!
Moniforae 1 year ago