Adoption: Lost and Found

[olousifi]

They could pass as brothers nd sisters..she hasnt aged a bit

[FauxClaud]

@olousifi Aww thank you! But I HAVE aged.. I just cover the gray!

[o0OsalixO0o]

Beautiful video Claud :) Thanks for sharing!

[danaseilhan]

Everyone who is commenting here telling Claud what a horrible person she is and how she has no right to call herself Max's mother is either a baby buyer, an adoptee afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome or someone who gets a paycheck from the adoption industry, either as an employee or as one of the politicians they bribe.  Period. No one with a heart believes baby brokering is anything but wrong. Adopt from foster care if you're such a saint. Quit breaking up families that haven't had a chance.

[krissykirchmann]

@danaseilhan : Not everybody adopts a child to be a saint. Some of us adopt because we want to be a mom and it doesn't matter to us how we become a mother. Adoption was my first choice-not my last option as everyone assumes. I did not do a horrible thing by adopting my baby, but I also didn't do anything to make me a saint. I am just a mom.

[danaseilhan]

Mothers facing the prospect of infant adoption aren't much better off than I was. Everywhere they go they face social censure--they're bad for having a kid out of wedlock, bad for even thinking about going on welfare and it is presented to them that if they don't live their lives in an exact order, high school then college then a career, their lives are over. In those circumstances they "choose" to give up their children when they have no viable alternatives.

[danaseilhan]

I had to put my husband in jail in 1999 and because I had gotten along with my in-laws up to that point, believed they would help me by taking care of my son til I got back on my feet. (My own family wouldn't bother with me.) They turned around and took custody (no it was not needed) and, under threat of my financial ruin, had me sign away my rights. Mothers do not have the right to legal representation in a case like this--the judge only wants to see a signature, not actually talk to us.

[krissykirchmann]

@danaseilhan : Sounds like a wonderful environment for a child to grow up in...

[FauxClaud]

@krissykirchmann Krissy... don't go making pop shots at people..especially people I really LIKE such as Dana. You will blocked form this page immediatly. You can play with me as much as you liek.. but don;t mess with MY people.

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud : You don't have to block me, I just won't come on.

[eyeswideopen1993]

@krissykirchmann You keep telling yourself whatever you want. You are one of the most dangerous people in the world to real families and REAL MOTHERHOOD. YOU COULDN'T HAVE A BABY ON YOUR OWN. You put your precious career first. You gave up YOUR CHANCE AT REAl motherhood. You think the world owes you a baby. So when you finally decided, you just bought a baby, because you have the money. I'll bet your nanny is a wonderful mother. Cry me a river, lady.

[krissykirchmann]

@eyeswideopen1993 Who is this nanny that you keep referring to? I don’t have a nanny. I left my full-time job the day my daughter was born. And not that it is any of your business, or that it matters but I can give birth to a baby-will be doing so in 5 months. Adoption was our FIRST CHOICE, not our LAST OPTION. We have the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, happy child I know. It really doesn’t matter to me how we became a family, and nothing you or anybody else says will change that.

[krissykirchmann]

@eyeswideopen1993 Cont...Also I didn’t buy my baby nor did I do anything illegal to become her mother. I live in a country where everything is very above board. We were investigated by social services for 6 months and we had to own a home, have substantial savings, life insurance, health insurance, a will and 12 letters of recommendation-in addition to many personal interviews with social workers. You sound extremely ignorant in the posts you sent to me.

[513pb]

For starters, these women who give their children up are the ones who contact adoption agencies. It is their choice. They sign the papers, they get counseled, they know the decision they are making. They can say no but they dont. Adoption is a solution for them....... Most of these woman dont have the resources to raise their children.

[513pb]

They are brave for making the decision to give these children life but stop kidding yourself and make it like these women were robbed of their children. Hospital fees, social worker fees, legal fees do not come cheap. That is the reality of adoption. It is an informed decision, the end. Most states give the birth mother atleast 10 days to change their mind as well.

[FauxClaud]

@513pb: Sorry; but you are incorrect. I had NO time to change my mind. Once I signed it was irrevokable. MA state law. And as for fees.. my son cost his adoptive parents about 30K in "fees': Yet the state of MA paid for my medical bills. I bet the agnecy didn;t share that bit of infomation, but they did improve their bottom line!

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud My child's birthmother had 7 months to change her mind. During this 7 months my child could not take my last name and due to this was not covered in our insurance policy. Our child was very sick and we spent of 60,000 dollars in hospital and doctor's fees. We also paid for the birthmother's medical bills-she had an emergeny c-section. Not complaining, just saying...

[FauxClaud]

@krissykirchmann 7 months? Then this was not a voluntary infant relinquishment becasue there is NO state in the US that has a 7 month revoke period. And, if you had custody of the child, then you had to have some form of legal guardenship..not that insurance compaines don;t find ways out of paying every chance they get, but.......?

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud : I don't live in the United States and it was voluntary infant relinquishment and some adoptions in the country I live in give the birth mother even longer than 7 months. I was considered a foster parent while we were waiting for the paperwork to be finalized and NO the insurance company did not pay a single dime towards my childs medical bills. About to do it all over again and it is worth whatever we have to go through.

[eyeswideopen1993]

@krissykirchmann Sound pretty illegal to me or you were paying off the judge. How well is your nanny getting along with her new baby...I mean 'your' baby...I mean the baby you bought?

[FauxClaud]

@513pb No we don;t know the impact of the decisons we are making. You don;t know, can't imagine until it is too late.

[jmfong76]

@KK its interesting that you only seem to think the definition of mother is those who have daily interaction with a child. Does that mean your not a mom because at times you arnt available to your children every moment? A mother is many things, and to be a mother does not require that they be a part of their childs life every day......its the love they have for them that is the most important thing. ~The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about.

[krissykirchmann]

@jmfong76 : What is your definition of a mother? I am available for my child at EVERYmoment-I left a full-time job that I loved to stay at home with her. To be a great mother does require that you be a part of your child's life every day. Loving a child is the easy part, it is the day to day sacrafices that you make for your child that is difficult. Not everybody is cut out to do it. Please tell me what I am rejecting that I know nothing about?

[krissykirchmann]

if you don't want to place your chid for adoption THEN DON"T. You might be the biological parent, but you are NOT the mommy and NEVER will be.No matter what sob story you tell the child you gave birth to one day. A mommy is the person who wipes away your tears, calms your fears, makes you giggle, volunteers at your school, attends ALL of your plays, let's you do her makeup-even though it looks quite silly and who tells you EVERY day how you are her greatest gift from God-that makes me her mommy.

[FauxClaud]

@krissykirchmann So what if I can do those things NOW? Do I get my title back? I make him giggle and have great conversations and we go on family outings? I mean if people can adopt 7 year olds and then they consider the kids FOREVER theirs, then the missed years don;t count. Right? Even if they didn;t tell the child that they were amamzing EVERY day. If I do it NOW can I be called mom? What if HE wants to call me mom.. is that Ok with you?

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud : He can call you whatever he wants-doesn't bother me. My point is this: being a mom is so much more than giving birth to a child. I am here EVERY moment for my child and every decesion we make is based on doing the best for our daughter. My daughter's birth mother MADE THE CHOICE to place my child for adoption-nobody forced her. She knew that she could not properly care for this child. Love is easy to give, it is everything else in rasing a child that is difficult.

[FauxClaud]

@krissykirchmann OK ..you keep on telling yourself all that. Heard it before...you have too much of an emotional investment in adoption. You don't want to hear what we feel, what it is like to be separated from your child. You can't imagine it so you make us out to be somehow lesser, not worthy, choosing this, or simply DIFFERENT than you..

[FauxClaud]

..becasue if we are the same, if we are real people, then as an adoptor, you have to rethink your place in our pain: in the pain of your child's mother, in someday the grief and loss your own child might display..and that is not a place that you are able to live in. You can't face that..so listen, just stop. You'll NEVER convince me otherwise..and I don;t have the time.

[krissykirchmann]

@FauxClaud I am not trying to convince you of anything, just sharing my opinion. Nobody but you is responsible for your life and your decsions. People sometimes make the wrong decsions, but there is no way to go back and change that. I am not out to attack you or try to hurt you, just representing the other side. We can agree to disagree and end it there. Best of luck to you in the future.

[eyeswideopen1993]

@krissykirchmann If you wan to HAVE YOUR OWN BABY ,THEN DO IT YOURSELF!!! DON'T GO TROLLING BABY SALES AGENGIES (ADOPTION AGENCIES) TO GET A BABY THAR YOU CANNOT HAVE YOURSELF!!!! SHUT UP!!! YOUR NANNY IS A WONDERFUL MOTHER. YOU SHOULD PAY HER MORE!!!

[tazsmeaner]

I myself was 15, When I gave my baby daughter up for adoption. I know it was the best thing for her at the time. I had a son with the same father 2 years later. My son now 23 started looking for his sister 2 years ago, and found her thru the internet in 2 days. We are now one big happy family. Thank god for helping put my family back together. You were a courageous women for doing what you thought was right for your son. God bless you. For those who are hating you do not understand.

[FauxClaud]

@tazsmeaner Thank you for your kindness..and I am so happy to hear you all found each other again! For me, the sad thing is that I could have been just as easily convinced that the couragous thing would have been to get it together and be a mother to my son rather than be told a baby would ruin my life. I know that was wrong. I know I would have been a good mother. I am a good mother. The separation was for other's people's gains & our best interests, me at 19 and an infant, were not at heart

[craftsmanunltd]

Great Video.....Only those who DONT know what its like to be an adoptee would ridicule this video........Mean People suck eggz......16 years Ive searched and THIS week its gonna Happen For ME !!

[fairlightdawn112]

Thank you for this video! I'm so glad you found your son :-)

[TheTravelfool]

I was born 12/23/1984 in Rochester, NY and my birthmother named me Mary Theresa. If you know any more contact me.

[lucasdahlseng]

@disturbedgir11 just recently i finally met(online) my birth family including my biological mother. i'm going to meet them all in person this coming fall. i never gave up hope and either did they i guess. everything you said was right, neither one of us forgot each other. i just wanted to say thanks for the reply, it meant a lot to see it. take care.

[Houseitch]

Met my son after nearly 38 years. That's a lifetime. Reunion went well. He has 2 biological siblings. He lived less than 5 miles from me most of his life. He has 2 moms now! I'll wait for him to call, he's called all week, then suddenly the calls stopped. Now I'm living 200 miles away now. Looking forward to a great Memorial Day weekend so we can play some more "catch-up!"...He calls me by my name, because that is what it is! We are in this for the ride.

[pelinga69]

es estupido ella lo deja y muy quitada de la pena regresa con el.. no es objeto como para andar dejandolo

[maggiebridget09]

This video stuck me to my core.This mom is only a year younger than me.I look at her in this vid.She could've easily been one of my friends back then had we grown up in the same place.I wish that I had known her.I would've told her that she and her baby could live with me and my daughter.She would've never had to lose her beautiful boy.This mother is oneof the most courageous persons whom I have ever had the chance of contacting.She deserves an award for all her efforts for adoption reform.

[starrlara]

Get help, get counseling but yes, don't relinquish your child. I relinquished my only child 34 years ago. We are in reunion, but it does not erase all those lost years, because I rarely see my son. He is in the Army and travels the world. His adoptive mother sees him more than me. I am the last on the priority pole.

[lynnej1970]

im glad you realised that adoption is the last resort..i believe wether the child has a good upbringing with the adoptive parents..they usually want to know who their biological parent/s are...im glad use are back together..

[VinnyCons]

You got me! You got me! I'm crying hard! Happy for you both.

[ButterflyRose420]

Im soooo happy for you!!! I wish someday to have the same luck you did. I was given up for adoption at 3 days old. I think you made the right choice for you at that time, and its ok. The point is that you found him, and still after all those lost years never stoped loving him. Best wishes for you and your son.

[abc123gpl]

Never give your Baby away.

[lynnej1970]

i agree

[lostmyerection]

this makes me cry. Im so happy you found your son again

[beba0447]

He`s a boy version of you, ya look so much alike you look like brother and sister I`m glad ya are back together I can`t imagen you suffering asking yourself if he was fed,cold, or in danger or even sick crying or missng you.anyways thank our lord ya found each other wish ya both the best for many years to come. God bless PEACE!!!

[animalcrazy08]

ha erm

[btp82]

This is so messed up for too many reasons to count. The degree of ignorance demonstrated by this video is absolutely staggering. There is no language in existence capable of fully describing how asinine and uninformed this video is. Plus, didn't anyone notice how the baby aged about 18 years and the mother didn't age at all? Terrible casting. And the directing and production quality aren't much better. Absolutely pathetic in a multitude of ways.

[FauxClaud]

Sorry I didn't age to your liking, but there was no casting involved.

And what would be your great point of reference as you can even think you have the right ot judge reality.

[lynnej1970]

dont watch it then...

[maybetuesday1790]

@btp82 Your ignorance is utterly staggering.

[kcluvsmileycyrus57]

aww thats soooo sad!why did you give him away?

[ahhreggi]

That's so touchinggg.. I cried :[ That's such a happy thing.. Losing a piece of your world, never knowing if you'll find it again, then you do and you're all happy again.

[dot1spot]

Beautiful video. Thank-you. I am very happy that you were reunited with your son.

You look so much alike.

I do believe in adoption myself and I had a close friend that gave her son up for adoption years ago. But the difference being that she made an informed choice and felt it was the best thing given the situation.

I do believe that in many cases young women who are vulnerable, alone are not informed of all options available to them are "pushed" into adoption. THAT IS WRONG!

[bellaxatrosious]

im adopted andi know if my birthmom tried to take me away from myfamily now itwouldnt be right butits so sweet you found ur son againi hope it happens to me

[lucasdahlseng]

I just want to say thanks to my birth mom, whomever you are, for giving me life and a chance at it instead of abortion. My family raised me well and one day I think we will meet. Until then, thanks a million.

[danaseilhan]

@lucasdahlseng Women don't give children up for adoption instead of getting an abortion. They give their children up instead of raising them. You weren't spared an abortion, you were taken from your mother. Put this in its proper perspective. Abortion is only ever an issue because adoption agencies think it's depriving them of their rightfully earned money. Stop listening to them.

[silentdogz]

How could he accept her, i cant´t understand..

[maybetuesday1790]

@silentdogz I will try to break it down for you.Baby grows inside his mothers body.He hears his mother's heartbeats,breathing,and so on.Baby become bonded to his mother.That's a little trick mother nature does to ensure the love between mother & child.Are you following me so far?Then along comes a spider..oops...I mean social worker.The spider exploits the moms love for baby to help the agency make money.Baby gets sold to highest bidder.In his heart he never forgets mommy.Do you finally get it?

[boobookitty1973]

he looks so much like you! have to say this video made me cry lol

[cassie162008]

theres nothing wrong with adopition think about the partents that cant have kids if they cant adopt then how can they have kids its the partents that give the kids up that dont think yes u thought u were giving him better but its not the adoption agency's fault its really no ones fault in this case i mean think of it this way what if u couldnt have kids and ur last hope of being a mother wouldnt u adopt i know i would im so happy that u and ur son were reunited

[maybetuesday1790]

it isn't the responsibility of fertile women to provide children for the infertile ones.

[cassie162008]

i didnt mean it like that i was just trying to say theres nothing wrong with adopition but sometimes bab things happen and its not always the adopition agency's fault or anyones fault really im not saying adopition is right for everyone but i cant have kids so coming from someone who cant have kids point of view adopition is one of those things that gives me back the chance and hope of being a mother some day i know its not their jobs to give us kids but out of bad situations sometime good comes

[maybetuesday1790]

@cassie162008 I am really sorry that you can't have your own biobaby.If you really want to be a mother, please, check out the older kids in your state who desparately need permanent homes.I know lots of people who wanted a baby but ended up adopting an older kid.And, they wouldn't change it for the world.Good Luck.

[cassie162008]

i wasnt trying to offend anyone sorry to those who i may have a offend if i did

[clubpenguin67591]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!aahhhhhhh­hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh­hhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[theantibitch]

Thank you for this, you give me hope that my son won't hate me for the crap choice I made.

All the best to you and your first mom! You two look amazing together, just right.

Andraya

[chicagociccone]

Read up on the Locke theory of freedom. To be a member of this State, you agree to pay taxes, regardless of whether you like what they pay for or not. Perhaps if you're really intent on not paying for those people and helping adoptees who didn't want to be adopted in the first place, you might do the rest of the State a favor and volunteer with a program that promotes contraception, you know, rather than whining and berating peoples' opinions facelessly.

[DWD420]

Adoption is not bad! Just because you can get pregnant does not mean you deserve to be a mother! I do not think that issues such as being ummarried should play a role in your choice though. But I do belive that adoption can at times be the best solution for a child. Growning up in severe provety is not what a child deserves. Also they need to reform who gets wel-fare i am tired of paying for people who just have kids. Many people see this as a free ride (not EVERYONE of course).

[yizbieta]

People just don't think this through!

[hrtland2]

This seems like my life on film.

Birthmothers are the forgotten.

I'm anxious to meet my son someday

[adorkablyunique]

I'm glad that you were able to reunite with your beautiful son, FauxClaud. Your story gives hope to myself and the thousands of other mothers out there, still waiting for "that day". And I have to say..it's quite intriguing that even though he was not raised by you-he seems to have quite the same style. ;) Funny what traits past hair/eyes seem to be passed on, isn't it? Many blessing to you. :D

[saintandrews83]

WOW , AWSOME !!

[rhthth]

that was really awsome thanks for sharing i am glad you got to see one another again.

[Raiznatal]

Great Video!

[pineappleupside]

Awesome story! Thanks for sharing this!

I had my first son when I was 19 and I faced the same decisions and sometimes I would wonder if I did the right thing keeping him and would he really of had a better life if I had given him up for adoption? I am soo glad I kept him. We didn't have much for awhile, and it was a struggle but we made due and we are fine and he is truly a gift.

[bigstickcop]

Why the hell would you have a child that early?? Geeze! Ever heard of a condom or any contraceptive?

[yizbieta]

Interesting comment. This seems a rigid approach to what can sometimes be a momentary passionate decision- probably half the population comes from thsi kind of decision....and by the way, some of us did not have the knowledge of such products in our youth- also, sometimes contraceptives don't work and condoms have been known to fail too.

[yizbieta]

Adoptions should NEVER take place unless the child has no living relatives, or is in permanent and serious danger.

I understand that there are issues that adoptive parents have had to deal with- such as infertility, and I feel for those people who struggle with this, but I would not think of severing one of my limbs and donating it to an amputee- would you? This is the same thing.

[bigstickcop]

I take offense to that. I was adopted and I love my adoptive parents with a passion. I've never met my real parents; however, I understand as to why the did what they did.

[yizbieta]

Of course you love your adoptive parents- no one is saying you shouldn't or can't or anything like that. It is too late for your situation- you are thier child- OF COURSE! My point was that we need to filter out the situations where the(original)mother is merely too young or not in a financial position YET and give her support until she is of age...whatever that looks like, so she can keep her child. (note: might want to say 'natural' or 'original' or 'birth' parent, not 'real' parent- just fyi)

[yvettechick]

I think you should leave this decision up to the individual birth families and not attempt to make one hugely generalized claim, as you are not aware of everyone's situation.

[yizbieta]

to yvettechick: The point is, that a mother in a crisis pregnancy will want to do the best for her child- (almost) ALWAYS and if adoption is ALWAYS pushed and marketed as the BEST for her child, she will almost always pick that. Other options do not appear to be and are not marketed as very attractive by the industry, by society,and often, by families of the girl involved. Everyone wants it to go away, this problem. WHat the girl does not understand is that it DOESN'T 'GO AWAY'. You never forget

[MySixKids]

Thank you so much for sharing this!We need our relationships to be reconized and accepted. I am my son's mother. I will not pretend to be anything less.Thank you for your years of courage and for being here to welcome me when I came to my place of quiet reconciliation.

Jennifer

PS - Nature kicks the crap out of nurture every time! There is absolutely no doubt he is your son!! Congratulations on your son's birth - and rebirth!!

[FauxClaud]

It is estimated that out of the aproximate 15,000 voluntary domestic infant adoptions that take place each year...ONLY about 2% of them are NECESSARY. Meaning only that 2% of the mothers are really of any danger to their child...the rest...all profit driven.

Really in America we should eb seeing only about 300 domestic infant relinqiuishments a year.

[cubscam]

that was genius dude

[yvettechick]

I'm confused as to how you can assume that the driving force behind 98% of American adoption is profit... what's you reference?

[yizbieta]

to yvettechick: I have attended meetings for years and heard many stories of past adoptions, also have attened present system meetings. The push is PRO adoption. See the movie JUNO. It is all about this girl now being ready to raise her child, which is a temporary state. In a short time, she would be ready, but by then it is too late to get her child back so she will live the rest of her life with the consequence of that- and that is hell. This was one of my points. It is a temporary problem.

[maybetuesday1790]

You said it!!!

[ssouthernbelle06]

i am very sorry that you felt that you had to give your son up for adoption. in my case, being given up for adoption gave me a better and safer life than what my birthmother could have given me. just please know that not all adoption is a bad thing. it does save many lives.

[yizbieta]

Yes, in some cases. The problem is that is too easily considered and too often marketed as the best or the only way. People have no idea of the destruction it leaves in it's wake. Like a pebble being dropped into a pond, relinquishment has an effect on many lives- and it just doesn't make good sense in 99% of the cases- so why take that radical approach and fragment families just to create other families?

[yvettechick]

You wrote: "so why take that radical approach and fragment families just to create other families?"...... However I'm pretty sure the main purpose of adoption is not to "create new families" as you seem to imply...

[yizbieta]

to yvettechick: actually, it is marketed that way, most often- or it is pushed as the most viable, the BEST solution. WHat the mother doesn't see is the future without her child and what that can do to her AND her child. It is a fragmenting experience for the rest of your life. THis is unnecessary in most cases so why do that? Why take that radical approach when a more humane and loving and inclusive and less damaging solution (to child and mom- over time) is often quite possible?

[maybetuesday1790]

The purpose of adoption has shifted from the focus being on finding a home for a needy child to find a baby for a needy, infertile person or couple. That creates a real problem.

[yvettechick]

thank you!

[briandmee]

Wow what a beautiful story and reunion. My god always bless both your hearts. I can only pray my prayer will be answered like yours had!!! Light and love to you both always!!!

[AmRisArt]

I was also deemed unworthy to raise my child. I was reminded of my unworthiness on a constant basis until I "did the right thing," too. I'm glad that you got to see your son again. But the lost years... they are gone forever, and so are all the wonders that go with parenting in that time. Stolen by a stranger. By the lie that "it's the best thing for the baby."

[maybetuesday1790]

It's the best thing for the agency that turns a huge profit.

[notlqueen]

In my culture you keep the baby and the ENTIRE family supports it, so for example I help to raise my 2 godchildren (different sides of the family) who have young parents. I wish it was the same for you Americans and Brits.

[yizbieta]

That is what they are doing in Southern Austrailia now. The whole public baby marketing industry has been shut down. Beautiful progress!

[notlqueen]

1:24 omg what a GORGEOUS baby shot!

[enchantedwood]

If we lived in a more humane society, mothers would have the loving support needed to keep their children. Its wonderful your reunion went so well. But for many mothers and the children they lost to adoption, its a far rockier road. Many reunions are not like fairy tales. Often expectation from both sides are unrealistic and can lead to deep disappointments. Thanks for sharing your positive story! Lina

[yizbieta]

No kidding! I have had such a difficult time getting to know my son - so many issues- it is like losing him again each time I see him- which is every two years or so. He is very conflicted about this whole idea of reconnecting and I suffer horribly about that- but still this is better than the 34 years I spent not having known him.

[bern5333]

Beautiful video, Claud. Thank you for helping to spread the truth about the horrors of adoption.

[yvettechick]

You wrote "the horrors of adoption"... This statement might seem to imply that adoption is horrible for children. However, we all know that is not always the case (not being adopted can be horrible for children too... seeing as making a baby doesn't automatically make someone a good or able parent) I'm wondering if you are more concerned with the mother's experiences than the child's...

[yizbieta]

yvettechick-(if you are responding to me)- adoption is pushed almost the same way today as it was in past years- and the industry profits from it- that is fact. In most cases (not all!) there is a temporary issue- i.e., the mother is not old enough, or doesn't have the finances to keep her child. This is a life sentence in most cases, for the 'crime' of not being married when pregnant. You are correct that SOMETIMES, it would be best for the child to be adopted. But not most of the time.

[yizbieta]

What is your experience within the adoption mess?

[chezblot]

If only you'd been told that you COULD have parented your child. Sadly so many are NEVER given this option.

(Possum)

[chezblot]

Just beautiful Claud - and so very very sad.

You should have been told - "YOU can parent this child".

(at the very least - as an option)