Swearing on the Bible - George Carlin

[broalonzo]

Well, I'm an athiest. Does that mean I could lie?

[PepperNinja0069]

Carlin = God

[adisa091]

George Carlin was the voice of reason. Sadly though, the world seems a little bit quieter without him :(

[Pensfan8726]

4 people swore on an upside down backwards Chinese Braille Bible with half the pages missing.

[tonyfalca]

@Pensfan8726 where's the originality..?

[patrickthesaint]

I wonder what happens if you don't have a right hand.

[kisstherain2nite]

why do people re comment what the COMEDIAN said? not like its your joke

[kisstherain2nite]

god doesnt make bad things happens,hes just always by your side when they do,helping you <3

[shortmeister111692]

"I'll tell you as much truth as the people that wrote that fucking bible" lmfao

[playinhard]

An amazing wordsmith and genius....He is sooooooo missed! Not only by me or you hopefully, but by Society in general...:)

[TMusic5]

And shoot the fuck and walk away.

[lankatr]

Classic :))



[MrWho76]

Erm, so you asking me not to tell lies....

...... by swearing upon the bible?

[bellamovie2]

''Second of all, even if she was dead, what's she gonna do? Rise from a grave and come and hunt me? Come and hunt me? All because I told a lie to an 8-year-old? Get f*** real, will ya?''

[MMADRENALINE]

THERE YOUR TITS MAW!! YOU KEEP AN EYE ON THEM

[Spetsnaz2077]

God made 4 accounts to dislike this video.

[Gyvulys624]

Where do right come from?

Well of course they come from God.

Oh shit here we go again...

Love it.

[ResuXunil]

imagine now you are dead and one of all the other riligions were right!

[Liddlelegrande]

*Little know fact* god in fact does not give a fuck about details like this

[bellamovie2]

George Carlin voice of Zugor

Tarzan II (2005)

[WarInBed]

God wouldn't care about any of this. God didn't write the Bible, man did and said it came from him. God isn't about 10 commandments(although they are pretty good guidlines in general), God is about living honest and truthfully to yourself. Sprirtuallity is much more important than religeon, trust me. That being said, I bet even God himself(or whatever higher power you believe in) would be laughing with the rest of us.

[Erk1982]

@WarInBed God has a sense of humor. Where else would comedy come from?

[WarInBed]

@Erk1982 Can't remember who said it, but I put it this way. "God has a sense of humour. He gave mens sexual peak at 18, and a womans at 30."

[ThePimV]

@WarInBed

but you do not need, a god to be a good person. true morality comes from reason :).

and the relaesation that you are not alone on this planet.

[ThePimV]

@WarInBed

and i just saw that comment was 9 month old lol :P

[91zidanetribal]

how ironic would it be if this guy was in heaven now...

[Robmeistah13]

@91zidanetribal ...talking this over with god himself? pretty damn ironic.

[seans63lemansSD]

"You have no right to your opinion"

[szilcsi23]

Best ever!

[TheLANC95]

Imagine now that hes dead he and (if theres one) God are up in heaven in an awkwar situation

[FaganRoberts]

I wonder what Carlin thinks of the "right to keep and bear arms?"

[midnight9719]

suppose they hand you an upside-down backwards Chinese braille bible with half the pages missing!

[deiiii]

RIP

[victimlesscriminal]

You can't get more lucid, intelligent and frankly amazing than this fine example of humanity. Sorely missed. Wished I'd known him.

[dawsonation]

4 christfags disliked this video

[Sucmiphatwang]

This guy just about makes me piss my pants ... He's so funny !

[yusbarrett]

2:13 to 2:25 made me laugh so hard at my office.

thumbs up just for that part.

[mateo3470]

"the man who made Harry Potter cry"

[meg143562]

1:05 But the Bible is already upsidedown and backwards

[j4m3sr0y4l]

3 People have sworn on a upsidedown backwards chinise brail bible with half the pages in it.

[BruisedEyeSockets]

@j4m3sr0y4l Actually, 3 people have their own opinion. You're missing out on the magic of an open mind.

[dsxz]

ive seen this clip at least 10 times i laugh every time

[MichaelHansenFUN]

yes

yes



[12kmartindale1]

so true....

[Whitevoice14]

2 Fudies got mad and thumbed this down lol

[nePiterskaja]

Just fu***ing slip his mind!

[TheJoemul69]

What a world we live in. George Carlin,dead. Bill Hicks,dead. Lenny Bruce, dead..Carrot Top Hulking up on steroids and taking over Vegas.

[Cougar139tweak]

@TheJoemul69 Don't forget Sam Kinison :) JFK killed, MLK killed, Bobby Kennedy Killed, Reagan...Wounded, Damn! Unfair

[crocswsocks]

The Bible is not "science fiction." It's made-up bullshit intended to be believed. Science fiction is intended to reveal something about reality, or else it's shitty science fiction.

Just thought I'd make that point.

[DethzorianMedia]

R.I.P.! Such an awesome man...

[krele14]

this guy is awesome... 'nuff said

[anastasia399]

2 guys have huge stick in their ass

[hearttopmodel05]

Hahaha, suppose they hand you and upside-down backwards Chinese brail bible with half the pages missing.

[bellamovie2]

I know he is very funny, and I know he was playing the voice of Zugor, the ape from Walt Disney's ''Tarzan II'' 2005

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

Unless there is an observer who would like to be kept updated?

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

You are increasingly steering this debate away from known reality and int to realm of "why are we here?" and "What is matter?" and questions of the like. "reasoning" in its simplest form has no explanation yet.

Every single thought you ever had can be considered an instinctual and evolutionary defense. "man made" is ultimately "nature made".

Anyways, I'm done using this vid response as an avenue of communication. If you want to continue this argument please use personal messaging.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

You are talking like government is part of nature. It is too horribly imperfect to qualify as natural. It was born from the wants and needs of desperate humans. To protect the rights that we are ENTITLED to but cant protect as individuals.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

Ok look, I just LIKE calling it "natural rights". "Laws" were invented to protect our rights and government was INVENTED to uphold these laws. AKA common law. AKA civil rights.... Obviously laws are not part of nature but rights as we perceive them absolutely are. We developed them to maintain a balance that individuals could not. Yes, it would hurt me to have a family member killed therefore I agree no to kill anyone else's. We get these understandings from nature therefore I call it NATURAL.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm entitlement is just another concept. how are you not getting this. we are not entitled to anything, we don't deserve anything we don't have the RIGHT to ANYTHING.  Rights are man made. Thats all i'm trying to say. They are not something you or i would have any knowledge of until we were taught.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper oh forgot to use the reply option. check the comment section.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

More poignantly.

If you really believe in having no laws then go ahead and break a big one. Like murder or rape. Do you really think the rest of us primitive monkey-humans would just stand by?? Of course not! These simple instinctual rules have been hardwired into our brains BY EVOLUTION.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm when did i say i was against laws? it keeps society in check and i'm all for an easy life...but you said our rights come from nature....a concept like that cant come from nature...it comes from man...more directly, the government. they are not hardwired into us... at the most its hardwired into me to not kill my family or friends but thats just for survival .they have been taught to us by our parents schools television religion and the rest of society.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm and i think you can agree laws are different than rights

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

More poignantly.

If you don't believe in any laws go ahead and break a big one. Like rape.

Humans even primitive monkeys are primarily governed by instinct and natural law. If a monkey tries to steal another monkeys food he will inevitably have to fight with the owner.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm Kind of like a "chose your ending" book eh?

Oh right .

you wouldn't know.

[the1stjelix]

He left out the part where we drafted those japanese and the unit that was made had the most awards for the length of time it was around.

Wiki this (442nd Infantry Regiment)

[DampRabbitVideo]

George was the height of evolution so far.

[MrLogxan]

i would give my left nut to sit down with him for a day and just smoke some weed and listen

[Sutskoen]

@MrLogxan I bet the fucker's laughing at you from hell right now, as he once put it :p

[hearttopmodel05]

@MrLogxan You had to throw it weed, didn't you.

[MrLogxan]

@hearttopmodel05 yeah i "had to throw it weed"??

[hearttopmodel05]

@MrLogxan throw in. typo.

[MrLogxan]

@hearttopmodel05 I know lol, but i would love it sober as well but the weed would make it so my brain would liike explode

[hearttopmodel05]

@MrLogxan rofl, kewl.

[themdchannelofficial]

@MrLogxan I'd give my left nut for him, and my left big toe for Serj Tankian!

[dotchoo]

@themdchannelofficial well that doesn't seem too fair :)

[sexyxrs]

@MrLogxan what if they wanted ur right nut ? :p

[xx24x7xx]

@MrLogxan you wouldn't need yo nuts anyway, as after having smoked weed with him listening to him making his jokes, you will be dead.

[paz2001]

@MrLogxan I'd give both.

[lugaconfii]

its sad to see him so slow and fragile, but his mind was there as always. The Best Ever, The One!!!

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

Our rights came from nature.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm no. they come from the government

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper no. the governments control is limited to what the people will allow. So long as we maintain our NATURAL right to self defense with weapons the government will always fear an uprising. However, the government has done a great job of convincing us our rights come from the elect therefore we have forgotten our right to revolt. The founders were completely aware that power WILL CORRUPT ANYONE and made a point of allowing the peoples purge of excessive corruption.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm no. rights is just a word and a concept. you didnt get anything from nature except your body. our "rights" are directly dictated by where we live.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm if the government didnt exist we could do whatever we wanted to....but that wouldnt make that freedom a "right" thats just what would happen

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper wow. read a book.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm the words of a defeated man.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper Your opinion stems from a lack of education. Mine is a product of of thousands of years of scientific, philosophical and moral progression. No, its not perfection, but it is the way forward. Your mistake has already been made billions of times. Literally billions. Anarchy does not work and totalitarianism doesn't either....

I can see it coming so I will tell you now that I am not religious.

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper I do not mean to make myself sound superior cause i don't know you. I just know what you are saying has been tried and failed. Its the whole reason the founders started the U.S.

[hnbsniper]

@mMAmericanSpiritMm don't preach to me about your education. humans are animals and should be allowed to do whatever we want. but we get limited by the government. the government grants us our "rights". there are no such thing as rights its an idea. a human idea. if we were primitive and in the wild and i stole your food no one would run up and say "you dont have the right to do that" because we wouldnt know the concept of having rights

[mMAmericanSpiritMm]

@hnbsniper Yes we are animals, and the most evolved. More importantly we are highly capable of rational even ABSTRACT thought! I like driving on nice roads; so i am willing to pay someone to maintain them for them. I like having representatives, reserve food/water, an army and so on... But our government could never change the law to allow murder, torture, theft, invasion of privacy or any other kind of crime... COULD THEY??? So where is line between good and bad? It should be pretty obvious.

[finkelshteyna]

One of the greatest.

[c4197f]

He's my fav comedian

[91zidanetribal]

@c4197f he's not a comedian man, he's a prophet

[Roronoa2zoro]

@91zidanetribal Atheism is a non-prophet organization :P

[91zidanetribal]

@Roronoa2zoro Lol nice walked right into that