Balaam's Donkey my Ass!

[tlofty82]

Wow and I tohught Christians were bigots

[cmfic36]

Haha. Time share apartments.

[RadicalWhig]

God at basket weaving class - that's probably the funniest thing I've ever seen on the internet - and I've been online since 1995.

[GarryW05]

And I thought the story of Jonah and the whale was dumb.

[RmFrRifleman]

Yes I believe the story of Balaam and everything else in bible Mr kalsolarUK, but if you want to see the real ass just stand in front of a mirror.

[kalsolarUK]

@RmFrRifleman Indeed I am an ass. I'm an ass for thinking that I can talk sense to those who believe in talking donkies.

[taekneek]

@kalsolarUK I am a christian... and you have yourself a new subscriber!!! =)

[Cyrathil]

I remember thinking, back before I had heard the story of Balaam, that Biblical literalists were just a bit awkward. Sure, I can understand not accepting radiometric dating, or Big Bang cosmology, and the such. If my public education had been any worse, I'd probably be there with them.

Then I came across this story. That ambivalence went out the window. A talking donkey. These people don't dislike D&D because it's "Satanic"; it's a rival for their believers minds!

[TimidTheBrave]

Haha that was awesome!

I'm one of those people who believes that this really happened, and if i can believe that God made the entire universe then making a donkey talk is no problem.

Loved the way you looked at God as being sarcastic when he sent him; I laughed out when you said that.

[saamohod]

Laughed my ass off. You deserve another subscriber.

[artgoat]

Oh, sure. So every time a donkey bolts off, tries to scrape someone off on a wall or just refuses to move, it's a bloody angel screwing around again! Not to mention that God's Own Prophet can't see an angel, but a donkey can. Never mind, too, that God actually DID send him to Balak, but the angel decided to go behind God's back and mess with Balaam's head. I guess the moral is, angels are dicks.

[randompalindrome]

Can you please accept the video response from smiler15555? He's my dad and I'm a subscriber. Please be nice. He's trying to get more hits.

[pedrom41]

Good stuff kalsolarUK. You just got

yourself a new subscriber.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks pedrom41 ! I wonder why the story of Balaams donkey doesn't get much air time in the pulpit? lol.

[pedrom41]

You're most welcome kalsolarUK. The

story doesn't get much air time in the pulpit because the story is paramount

absurdity and they know it. The story, like

many others in the scripture, hardly qualifies as a bed-time fable for children.

Yes! One has to have the mind of an infantile to literally believe that huge crap!

[cierafox]

You're an ass !

[RadarKat73080]

Gives new meaning to the term "talking outta your ass."

[mothartrucker]

lol

[lmgoose]

Very nicely put ..

[TheWildAssCopyCat]

Wow !!! I had forgot about reading this story in the Bible. I remember I had to read over it a couple or 3 times to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. I have to admit that although this guy was not all that accurate with the story, it was pretty funny. But I'm like ajanijam [the guy below this post] I didn't care much for the profanity or the way he was implying that theist are unintelligent. But then again I guess most of them are.

[ajanijam]

why the bad words? this spoil the video, but it was a good try

[mknorman]

So, funny story. I used to be a fundie and you just get used to this stuff. They start you young and just gradually add more and more weird shit. Then I deconverted.

You'll have to imagine, years later, the quizzical look on my face when I made precisely the discovery you've talked about here, that Balaam was completely nonchalant, *and* that I had accepted this without batting an eye.

Some realizations about yourself and what you were capable of in the past are...well, I have no words.

[livingxxgod]

lol'n 5/5

[torpol]

roflmao!!!!! Awesome vid man- you have gained a new subscriber.

[kalsolarUK]

thanks for that, much appreciated, should have some more videos coming fairly soon.

[mariocaric]

The chapter doesn't mention any Time-share-appartments at all. Could you tell me what translation are you using sir?

[kalsolarUK]

lets just say I used a little comedic artistic license with that part of the script. lol.

[Starcomet]

Would you guys start aruging already. EVERYONE has the right to believe and thank as they wish. Stop trying to convert people.

[daveheet]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAH­AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAA­AAA!!

DUDE HHAHAHAAAaaaa.......... I have never laughed so much aagaaggaaaaah

[Starcomet]

Agreed, this is very funny.

[yashatono]

ypu have to fucking read it in context!

*runs away.. fast*

[FadedHolySoldier]

thanks dude, i really didnt know there was a talking donkey? damn. that is strange

[mortemdei]

Excelente

[J43fan]

well your whole set of videos is blown out of the water if you realize God can do anything. but realize this: miracles like happened alot back then. weird stuff happened all the time.

[kalsolarUK]

yeah miracles happened a lot back then...strangely since the bible was completed..not one soddin' major sun-moving, donkey talking, sea-parting, flood making miracle. Maybe god still has his magic wand on charge.

[J43fan]

ok well its clear the miracles today arent as fantastic as before but there is just no reason for so many people surviving medical situations and stuff like that. plus you just wait a little. when that rapture hits therell be plenty of miracles to go around only you wont want to see these. (see Revelation)

[mortemdei]

the reason why people survive medical situations is because medicin has progressed a lot thanks to science

[J43fan]

why do people survive impossible medical problems without medicine then?

[mortemdei]

They don't, if you have a heart attack you can't survive without medical help; if you have cancer in all your body you won't survive, nor with smallpox.

[J43fan]

ok. why are there thousands of reports of this happening then? (BTW these arent the only miracles left)

[mortemdei]

Made by who??? show me just one official report of a respected Hospital that says that some guy with Brain cancer and no medical help got cured, where a chop off limb grew again.

[J43fan]

i cant tell you the hospital name as i cant remember right now but i think it was a red cross im not sure. but the man (not important to the story but he was a christian) was pronounced dead and 15 minites later he was alive and no i know what your thinking but this guy realy was dead. the doctors were speachless and had no reason he should have live. true story btw

[mortemdei]

that's the problem... if you can't show me an official report of that I have no reason to belive you. Try harder.

[J43fan]

realy than why should i believe anything you have said? you havnt backed up one thing you have said and yet you expect me to believe? no thats not how it works. and about that report it was about4-7 years back thats all i know

[mortemdei]

I already told you, if you want to know the studies I can take the work of looking for them, but you have to be ready to accept that the bible have mistakes, I won't lose my time.

[J43fan]

well im ready to say that my interpretation may be off but the Bible is perfect. but i will try to keep an open mind

[bubbleking3]

Just by mentioning, as a fact, that the Bible is perfect completely negates you having an open mind. Can you show me proof of this perfection?

[Jeremyguru]

The bible is perfect? Ha ha. Is it perfect when it states that women who are not virgins on their wedding night should be put to death?

How about when it sets rules for how slavemasters should treat their slaves?

[thefotofanatic]

The bible says nothing of the sort about virgins and wedding nights. Read it again - there's nothing about premarital relations at all (except concerning the differring punishments for rapists). Oh, and the laws about slaves contain things like "if you only own 1 bed - give it to the slave; find a wife for him; pay him off after six years with handsome pension" stuff like that...

[Jeremyguru]

Deuteronomy 22:13-21 Paraphrase - If the man claims that his new wife isn't a virgin, and it is proven that he's telling the truth, the men of her city will stone her to death.

I won't even bother responding to your remarks about slavery. It's clear that you haven't studied the bible.

[Jeremyguru]

Give me an example of a man prnounced dead who "arose" three days later. It's embarrassing to have to point this out, but zombies are not real.

[J43fan]

thats not the example of which i was talking about. oh and i dont usualy work like this but prove zombies arnt real. just prove it. you cant. im not saying i believ in zombies but you cant disprove the Bible. its infallible.

[Jeremyguru]

"...prove zombies arnt real." According to your "logic" ANY creature or god could be real. YOU cannot disprove Zeus, Allah, Thor, Apollo, Venus, the Great Spirit, ghosts, goblins, pink unicorns, cosmic chipmunks or the invisible dog on your shoulder.

The bible is a book of nonsense, but I'll take you at your word. If you say that the bible is infalliable, then you must accept other "holy" books, such as the Quran or the Book of Moron. After all, you can't disprove them, can you?

[hairyreasoner]

Right off the bat you anthropomorphize the bible. (Look it up.)

Big mistake, my friend. It's fucking inhuman.

But, carry on.

[nicholasful]

The only thing that I am with you on- is that the majority of us(Christians) don't do what we are called to do, don't follow God, and a whole mess of things that we shouldn't- Im sorry that they have done those things in Jesus's name- I'm sorry for the way my family has acted.

But you and everyone else deserve answers- ....Whoever wants to email me- I will do my best for you. I love you guys! and may the Lord make His face Shine on you.

[TheDrunkenAtheist]

May the Lord poop on your face. Wake up, and smell the logic!

[AppleOrangeCherry1]

i can understand why Balaam wasn't impressed by the talking donkey,if i would hear God talking to me (again),a talking donkey wouldn't seem strange........:)))))))

[kalsolarUK]

An interesting, if slightly disturbing point you make there. lol.

[dechha1981]

So let's see;

Talking snake, magic apple, talking donkey, Unicorns, Dragons...

And Creationists claim Evolution is a "Fairytale".

[TheDrunkenAtheist]

Don't forget the guy who lived in the belly of a whale for 3 days, someone dying and being resurrected, magic dust, magic rib, and angels having sex with women to make GIANTS!

[Iwanthax]

Balaam also used to copulate with his donkey during the nights. One day his donkey told Balaam's friends that Balaam had sex with me as if I were humam. The donkey said this to Ballam's friends in fron of Ballam, thus hummiliating him. (According to the Talmud) We believe this, just like Noah's ark were miracles. There is no way to scientifically explain these stories of faith, nor do we try to.

[Eldxale]

Man, that donkey is going to appear in my nightmare. I will be kicking it and it will appear as if it is dead, and it will then lift up its head and say "What the hell are you doing that for?"

The funny thing about this is that at the end of my DVD rack is a copy of Shrek staring at me. I kept glancing over trying to imagine that donkey as Donkey so it wouldn't return in my nightmares.

[kalsolarUK]

I wouldnt be surpirsed if the donkey in shrek was'nt inspired by the balaam donkey. lol.

[jovonpatterson]

very interesting interpretation and response of that scripture. While I'm a believer, I also think some of the myths presented are a bit...far fetched :). I just choose to believe them because of the ideas presented behind them. Then again, I have a lot of radical belief like true forgiveness and salvation and no damnation. Besides, what's not to love about personifying animals? LOL

[kalsolarUK]

I think that belief in a god or gods is a separate issue from whether the bible itself (or any other relgeous work) is fact or fiction. I'm still waiting for some un-faith dependant proof of such a character, but I'm guessing (sadly) that this just aint gonna be forth coming anytime soon. But who knows?

[jovonpatterson]

Oh God I hope not! :) If we got proof, it might be the end of the world. Then again...perhaps the end to this horrid place where in and a utopia paradise would be nice...Also think of it this way, if a God or Gods parted the sky and started talking to you you may believe them but if everyone(i mean everyone) doesn't hear/see them, then you are just a crazy person...right?

[jovonpatterson]

oh yea, I always thought myths, whether written or spoken, that dealt with deities depended upon one's beliefs...who knows...

[ToddAllenGates]

Great vid--5 stars.

[klaron0]

i can almost understand why Balaam wasn't suprised about the Donkey talking to him. He lives in a world where meeting/talking to God is everyday business. Various miracles aren't something that will be "WOW! that's cool!" to biblical people.

[riversonthemoon]

One of your best.

The bible is full of absurdities, but I hadn't heard the one about Balaam Dolittle.

It says in your profile that you're 41. What's your secret? Prayer? Meditation? Vitamins? Oligoproanthocyanidins? Looking good for 41!

[kalsolarUK]

well, I doubt it's prayer...and what the heck are Oligoproanthocyanidins? Lol, thanks for the compliment..although you aint seen me in harsh daylight yet. lol.

[Jeremyguru]

Ha ha, entertaining and informative video.

[ashboxtoo]

Too good, funny as hell.

[Censeo]

This is extremely good comedy :)

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks Censeo, what can I say... its all divinely inspired. lol.

[favoritefood0]

Hah!

[daleshankins]

You had me on the floor!!!

[kalsolarUK]

lol, thanks...must have been the weight of your egyptian headress.

[AmberNightwolf]

I guessed correctly. Do you have the numberwebsite of a reputable therapist I could go see?

[kalsolarUK]

Erm...I suppose judgeing by my video's it would appear I should have quite a few, lol.

[AmberNightwolf]

It doesn't look like you need one quite as badly as the people who wrote the bible in the first place. Or the people that believe it.

[saintee1000]

Mathew 6:22

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

Think about it...

[shrouded60606]

"in fairness i have exaggerated slightly there because in truth the donkey didn't swear that much"

Lmao

[cosmicjackpot]

Good point: good work.

[JFZcafe]

Brilliant! The only "context" usually worth noting is that ITS IN THE FUCKIN BIBLE! There's your context. If it's not supposed to teach us some vital lesson then what the hell is it doing in the freakin bible?

[favoritefood0]

Hilarious video! Thanks Kal!

[Panman38]

That's got to be one of the funniest vids on youtube!

6 stars (here's the other one * )

[Gihaal]

Shrek was actually based off of the Bible.

Shrek was actually Jesus... I have no proof except for the word of God.

[kalsolarUK]

hehe, how very convenient!

[nirvaaa]

WAIT!!! Get back here. WFT happens next!

[luque73]

I smite my donkey too

[nozr138]

great as usual!

[Flyingkittycats]

Hahaha! That was great! I have to read the original version of the story, now. What book and chapter is it in the Bible?

Keep it up, you rock!

[kalsolarUK]

you can find it in the book of numbers chapter 22 I think. The bible tells it slightly differently than me though, lol.

[blackprince84]

Brillant!

[stretchyrubberbands]

Great, as always

[JustOneEarth]

Fucking brilliant!

[only1duk]

you are like eddie izzard but better

[kalsolarUK]

That's quite a compliment, thanks...however, I won't be wearing any womens clothes or make-up, lol.

[only1duk]

I guess we all know who we can thank for that.....

[michaelpyro]

subscribed

[CheezMonsterCrazy]

I had a talking donkey once. Damn thing wouldn't shut up so popped a cap in (the), (it's), (or my) ass.

Pick one of the words in parenthesis. They all work.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, sometimes you can just have too much information!

[masxav16]

rrooffll boat sized tardis that was awesome!! lolol

[AtxAxLoss]

Great stuff, getting better as you go along! Your delivery is always brilliant.

[favoritefood0]

Great video Kalsolar, I always get a good laugh from your videos!

[EternalFire00]

I thought Balaam was going to rape the donkey. Does that make me crazy?

[kalsolarUK]

Not necessarily..but I'd hate to accidentally stumble across your private video/dvd collection. lol.

[EternalFire00]

Oh, you'd love it. Don't lie.

[Metaleks]

Your reading of bible stories are amazing.

Keep it up! ^_^

[ogami72]

I think that's your best vid yet!!! I couldn't stop laughing.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks for your comments so far guys. The audio settings were'nt quite as they should be on this video for some reason, sorry about that, however at least I'm happy with the content! Hope to have another one up soon.

[XLIIx42]

Hahaha, another gem! Respek!

[Danmill23]

lol! Brill.

[henrythesteinberg]

one of the only atheists left with most viewed honours

*sigh

[Chance22011]

Hilarious as always! 5 stars!!!

[kalsolarUK]

Many thanks! However - I am soooo going to hell if I'm wrong about all this stuff. :-| lol.

[athywren]

Damn... I guessed right...

*checks into an asylum*

[Dangerouspowerz]

HAha 5 Stars like allways.

[eequalsfb]

The way you bring the Buy Bull to life, you should teach Sunday school. LOL!

[colleen3217]

48 ratings - EVERY LAST ONE 5 STARS! Excellent, sir!

[ExSaint1379]

The greatest thing Nick Gisburne ever did was refer us to you and I'm a Gisburne fan.

[kalsolarUK]

Much appreciated, especially since I think Nick Gisburne writes some very creative stuff - Thanks!

[vassvik]

Great! :P

Please consider doing 2 Kings 2;23-24. The one with the bears slaying 42 children...

[pornoopel]

555555555555555555555555

thx for a real good laugh :D

[evancahoon]

5 stars....I can always count on a good bible reading to cheer me up in the morning. Great laugh...thanks, homie. Respect!

[Brainmold]

Haha The whole bible is out of context. Baalams talking donkey got passed the editors! The bible is finished. Have you done the Jonah story yet? When my dog first spoke to me, I ran away! LOL

[CousinoMacul]

Shrek is more realistic. LOL

[sharpie443]

5/5

[justinf12000]

You have a good sense of humor, I enjoyed it all the way through.  I always wait eagerly for your next video, because I know it will brighten up my day. Well done.

[CrucieFiction]

Basket weaving class! Ha!

[kalsolarUK]

CrucieFiction, lol..now there's a name to die for!

[RosieDesire]

LOL the invisible forcefield... I love it...

But you see, you can't take it literaly. You have to interpret it, such as this, "Authors of the bible were talking out of their ass". The bible suddenly makes sense!

[kalsolarUK]

lol, now you put it that way it certainly does!

[HubertCumberdale22]

hahaha! I already rated it 5 stars before even watching it and I don't regret it ^^ you're so damn funny!

[DeletedDelusion]

That was awesome LOL

[russianlegionaire]

I guess wrong, great job.