Added: 4 years ago
From: Illuminatta
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  • You are a remarkable person - and how you handled such a brutal experience, realizing the man's condition and dealing with it on that level. Forgiveness on an assault from someone who knew what they were doing, makes it hard to deal with. I work hard on forgiveness in that capacity - most personal offenses are usually minor and should be dismissed even if a person doesnt ask for forgiveness. Im glad you had the strength to post this. It helps people gain a better perspective of things.

  • @ImTheDaveman Thanks. I actually made a friend through this video. She was looking for videos on forgiveness one night and she started an account just so she could comment. We ended up corresponding and I got her to get into vlogging. check out her channel if you want - myblueart. She hasn't done much lately but she still watches and comments.

  • so are you part of the NWO/Illuminati? I figure you are with a name like yours. Im kinda interested in why you would want to be a part of that maybe you can enlighten or illuminate me as you like to call it? Thanks lots, lee.

  • @RibNSpicY NO, not at all!! Not at all. LOL That may be the name they use, but it just means light. And I am always seeking the light (wisdom, knowledge, blahblahblah). I just liked the name. It's just a word and words can represent more than one thing. :)

  • @Illuminatta Oh, im terribly sorry. That was a bit presumptious of me. Great video anyway and thanks for reply.x

  • @RibNSpicY No problem! I get asked that alot, so I'm used to it. I do find the whole NWO/Illuminati thing fascinating, and I find it very believable. And scary.

  • so sorry that happened to you! my ex-husband beat the crap out of my face a week after we got married New Years 2007 my left side of my face was messed up for a month-I forgave him-he's in jail right now has 7more years, I talk to him every now and then-he has alot of problems with drugs-his parents never showed him love. he even ended up marrying my best friend after I left him because of his issues-they are no longer together-he is my son's father and i did loved him-I don't want to be bitter!

  • @GFRANCINE That really stinks! I am so glad you were able to forgive him, yet let go and move on! Being bitter does no one any good...it just drags you down, as well as those close to you.

  • PART TWO

    In all the videos I have seen of you........ you look fantastic. Is that how you started on Youtube, as a form of therapy...???

    One other question if I may........ If you would still like to get facial surgery, (Even though you look great to me), but can't because you said you can't afford it, then why don't you just sue his ass off for as much money as you can.

    Peace be with you =))

    Mike

  • Hey there, Toni: PART ONE

    People need to take responsibility for their own actions. You said this guy was "devastated"...??? What a cop out. I sincerely hope he did not plead temporary insanity and get off easy. I was raised Christian, and as a Christian I was taught the concept of forgivemess. However, I have to be totally honest with you, Toni. If someone had done that to my Mother, I would NEVER forgive that person.

    I don't see anything wrong with your face. In all the videos I .....

  • Three words: You are beautiful.

    While I've never been assaulted, I did have a very rough time when I was in middle school... it's taken me a long time to be able to forgive people.

    I know what it feels like to have someone save your life, too <3

  • @katinatreesee Thanks, Kat! Some things have to take a while to forgive, I think. You should check out Twish and her video about the power of "sorry." This video is a response to it. :)

  • I had never noticed anything about your face, you have always looked lovely on youtube.... i think you're right that it was easier for you to forgive him because what he did wasn't done in anger or rage against you personally.. that would indeed be a very much more difficult thing to cope with.

    I think you've coped very well emotionally with it though, well done to you

    x hugs x

  • @twish1999 Thank you my darling Trish! xxoo

  • I saw your main page asking for new subs to explain why they subbed.  ;-D

    I subbed based on this video. I think all your videos are excellent. Going to do a VR to this one. Hopefully tonight, but no guarantees. ;-D

  • Thank you so much! I look forward to seeing your VR!! :)

  • I wish people would define what forgiveness means...specifically...abusers use the term forgiveness to continue victimizing someone----in my experience, growing up with a psychopath....forgiveness for them means, "let me do it again, let me hurt you again"....and to be a lifelong victim is not liberating-----forgiveness is letting go, not seeking revenge and to me it means turning to God----but forgiveness does not mean you must continue to have a relationship with someone who abused you---

  • I totally and completely agree with you! LEtting go and not seeking revenge. I forgave my attacker, but I have a life-long restraining order and would never seek to have him re-enter my life. I think it's pretty clear what forgiveness means, but abusers twist it and use it, as you say. I hope you have found some peace. :)

  • This is a wonderful video, what a fantastic 9 minutes.

    I'm a believer that things happen for a reason, and I'd say your defiantly so much stronger after this. This video completely melted my heart, well done!

  • Thanks so much! Yes, I agree things happen for a reason, and I am better for it in many ways. Thanks for watching! :)

  • I would LOVE to meet you in person, Toni! You are such a remarkable woman. (((((HUGS for TONI!!!)))))))

  • Oh my goodness, Toni. This vlog touched my heart. I am so glad that you were able to find the "blessings" and the forgiveness for this clearly troubled young man. I am ready to shed a few tears now and I have added it to my FAVORITES so I may always reflect back on your words of wisdom. (((((HUGS TONI!))) Much love, Kathleen :)

  • Much belated answer to this...thank you so much, Kat! I made it so it might help at least one person...I am so glad it touched you. I hope we get to meet in person someday! xxoo

  • Wow. What an amazing story and you are an amazing person to be able to forgive. Did you have any contact with your attacker since the incident or know what happened to him?

  • Sorry for such a long time before answering. I missed this somehow...no, I don't have contact. There is an order of protection. But I do know that he has married and has a child, so it is good to think that he has moved on and is living a happy life. :)

  • This is one of the most honest, and amazing, videos I have ever seen. I admire your courage and your wisdom, you are a remarkable person.

  • Thank you so much! This video has brought to me some pretty amazing friends. I'm glad it touched you in some way. :)

  • You are an amazing woman.

  • Thank you! You ain't too shabby yourself! Hey, isn't it about time you posted something??

  • It's been a tough year and it shows on my face. I'll have to ease back into YT slowly.

  • i feel your ability to take from this experience, strengthening yourself from it, is a testament to what you already had in you. so many people cling to the victim role, not even from such horrific events, but with trivial daily matters, that most could not endure 1/10th of what you've overcome. you are truly inspirational, toni.

  • Thank you so much, Robin. I think most of us would be surprised by the strength we have within us.

  • My experience of my accident is so similar because my facial nerve was paralysed, I lost my eye socket and was scarred and also suffered some brain damage. It had a huge impact on my perception of image, mine and others. But it was just an accident, and no one was to blame but in a way me and I don't think I've forgiven myself :-( I just realised that after 17 years, so your words helped me recognise that. Going to think on that, you've set a good example I should follow. Cheers, Lesley

  • I seen so many of your other videos-this is the first time seeing this one and I am completely taken by your strength and grace. For what it is worth-I never noticed anything about your face other than your beauty-inner and outer:-)

    XO,

    MG

  • i am so sorry for your experience, but enriched by your perspective!

  • Strong message. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • It was truly my pleasure. Just knowing I've helped one person makes me feel great. :)

  • I agree so much with you, illuminata. Although not violently, I have been hurt by people in my life, especially during my career. Part of me says "why did it have to be me"? But on the other hand I do try to forgive all, as best as I can.

  • I think maybe the trying is almost as important as the doing. :)

  • i would never tell about your face ordeal!you look awesome!thank you for sharing your life with me, because I felt your healing process saved me. I love you! VAL

  • I had only hoped it might give you some perspective. I'm so glad you felt it was of some help. Looking forward to 888 even more now. :)

  • Toni, this video made a huge effect on me.Like you were right next to me talking full of love!

  • I wrote 3 comments. The first is gone.

  • I bet when u did this video you would never imagined that you would help someone (ME) so much!!! THank you so much! Watching you gave me the strengh to heal myself faster and better! I love you Toni! vAL

  • I love you, too, Val. You are an inspiration to us all. XXOO

  • I have been hold captive when I was a teen..and I am still struggling to forgive myself? life? what I had to deal with.

    But this time I will do it Better!

  • There is no need to forgive yourself - you were the victim, not the criminal! If you can forgive your captor, you will make a huge step toward freeing yourself. Much love and hugs, sweet Val.

  • This is a great video...all true. I have not been assaulted, but I've had a similar experience in my divorce where I have had to raise my kids on my own...if you hold bitterness inside it takes over your life and eats all the light and leaves you in darkness.

    You know...I never noticed anything different in your facial features so just know that you see the difference more than others.

  • Thanks, Arianne. Exactly! And as far as the face, yeah, but aren't we all our own pickiest critic? LOL

  • this was a very good video ,you are very brave .things reguardless either they be bad or good happen for a reason it is up to all of us to find what that is .By the way i never gave it a though nor did i ever notice any diffents in your face, you look norm to me .God Bless. R.C.

  • Thanks, RC. That's life...the journey. :) Blessings.

  • Forgiveness can feel impossible at times.

    I don't know how I'd have handled your situation. Must have been a hell of a surgeon.

    I'm so damned vain I'd have gone back for a bleph on the other side to make my face look even.

  • Please...don't you think I'd love to do that?But, while law mandates insurance coverage to create symmetry on women who had a mastectomy, there is no such law for faces.I can't afford it, even with the steep discount my amazing surgeon offered.Someday...maybe. Thanks for watching, Chris.The last thing I said was I'd love to help at least one person, and a week ago someone found it and joined so she could contact me.She's on her own journey and this video had an impact.THAT'S a Good feeling! :)

  • Illuminatta , I think you are beautiful inside AND out !

  • That is so sweet, thank you! And I see you are new here...welcome to the YouTube community!

  • I figured out how to join youtube just so that I could comment here. I found your video searching for things about forgiveness and assault for myself and a painting that I am doing. I can very much relate to your journey,thank you for posting it. I have felt very lonely in my forgivenss journey due to the nature of the assault and the(well respected nature) of the people involved. Many really don't understand what we face, and how I could forgive. I would love to chat more with you about it.

  • You can PM me anytime. Welcome to the YouTube community. You will find many wonderful people here...and a few jerks. :) I think I would have had a much harder time forgiving if it HAD been personal...hatred/anger directed at me personally. But I also know it still would have been necessary to forgive to heal and move on. I will send you a short PM so you can write back. Peace!

  • My son was in a car wreck and he broke every bone in his face and his palette was broken off and floating in his mouth. He lived after all that and he also said he didnt have any pain even after. Hes got all his movement back but places are numb. The peace my son and I got from forgiving I think helped him heal in more ways than one!

    Thank God for His mercy! God Blessed you too!

    Helives! aka FROG

  • OMG..((BIG HUGS))Aki.

  • good video

  • Thanks! :)

  • Hey thanks for linking this to my video. Forgiveness is powerful tool in healing. *big hugs*

  • BIG HUGS right back! :)

  • Yes, it is our faces people see first, but it didn't take long for me to see your spirit, your essence...You are strong and wise. Thanks for posting.

  • Thank you so much for you kind words...and I love your name! :)

  • I love yours!

  • Thank you. Your honesty & sincerity are spellbinding. This message is needed! Unfortunately, too many of us find ourselves going instead down the "road more traveled" {stuck in endless cycles of resentment/revenge & sustained by numbing options pushed by our culture} Considering how horrifying your injuries were, I commend your response which expanded your being rather than contracted it. What grace this gave to you, your perpetrator, & to anyone who watches this video.

  • Thank you so much for your kind words. I struggled with whether I should post it or not. The responses have shown me it wasn't a bad decision. :)

  • Very important message to put out.

    As a producer I refuse to produce projects that promote revenge. Unfortunately most of the scripts out there celebrate and encourage revenge.

    Thank you so much for emphasizing our need to forgive. That is one of the greatest steps we can take to help bring about peace on this planet.

    You are beautiful...let your light shine!

    Your youtube name says it all...You are the light!

  • Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. The ability/willingness to forgive is one of the most important qualities a person can have I think. It can be a painful journey at times but always one worthwhile finishing. It takes a big heart to understand what your doing to yourself by not forgiving someone and an even bigger one to actually forgive someone who has wronged you in such a horrible way and move forward. Unfortunately too many people remain trapped in the prison you mention.

  • Thanks. :) It's true...but I kinda don't feel like it was that hard a thing. Yu should check out Lady Guru's blog. Lots of good conversation there. :)

  • The easier it is the more humanity a person has I always think :) I'll have a look at the blog. Cheers for that. :)

  • Cool. Let me know what you think...

  • Yeah, I once heard it explained that forgiveness heals and releases the forgiver...while withholding forgiveness does little or no damage to the offender. That definitely seems true in my life. (you seem like a beautiful person to me, on the inside and outside)

  • Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I am grateful, though, that he was sorry, and that I was able to give him that. He was sick, not evil, and I really hope he is better and happy.

  • I didn't notice anything until you pointed it out.

  • Wow, thanks so much! I enjoy your vlogs, too...especially the one about being "fought over!" by 2 YT-ers. You should give them a task to carry out and the winner gets "your hand."

  • Thank you for sharing. I think I will make a video

    today on forgiveness. For to me it is a miracle to forgive and miracles happen everyday. I know that when one doesn't forgive

    they get physically ill. So that is one of the many reasons we should.Thank you for sharing this.

  • So true...thanks!

  • yeh, its strange how a small paper cut can hurt, yet when i broke my leg i remember very little pain.

    its odd

  • ...but in a GOOD way. :)

  • Once again, there is that way you have with words, TSW. :) Good to hear from you again! And thanks so much for the encouragement!

  • thanks, dear woman. great to hear from YOU. as for the encouragement, well, let's just say i was moved...as for my next post, i am currently in "youtube dry-dock," in favor of other outlets. i will keep you posted.

    until then, all the best and then some,

    the sometimes why

  • this is what an artist does: they live, they transform some part of their life into a form that can be conveyed with the requisite charge, and then that thing impacts the world, one person at a time. beyond being brave, it is an act of faith in the artist, the act of creation, and the process that ensues once it is published.

    thanks for your wanton humanity, illuminata.

    all the best,

    the sometimes why

  • ...and when is YOUR next post?? Coming soon, I hope?

  • wow- you are so brave for sharing- thank you

  • DOH! Sorry I never responded...so unlike me! THanks...and I hope things are going a bit better for you these days. :)

  • Thank you so much for sharing this story.

  • I can't believe I never replied to this or Jill's comments - two of my favorite YT people!! Shame on me! Thank YOU for watching!

  • oo, i hope u r okay, ='[ "Bloody pulp", ew. No bag's are cool though! lol, when did that happen? But yea now I see why it is so hard for you, but just know no one is going to come through the screen and punch you. =]

  • That last part about punching you through the screen sounded kinda mean i think, sorry didn't mean for it to be like that, just a joke, hmm, mabye not the right timing though...

  • No problem...I have a pretty good sense of humor about it now. It happened in '04. We call it "face crush day." But it does give one a sense of how fragile our bodies are...how easily we can break.

  • yeah, it sounded like it would have hurt had you felt any pain...lol

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