Added: 4 years ago
From: TheOnion
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  • I'm not really disappointed at all that people are getting top comments by commenting that they are disappointed that people are trying to get a top comment by complaining about the top comments being the same.

  • "Body Type: More to love"

    lmfao

  • Comment removed

  • why pay for a dating site when you can get rejected in person for free?talking from personal experience(i'm a Guy)_

  • Yea every girl they showed was hella ugly

  • Online dating sites: where girls become women.

  • LOL OMG holy crap this is so wrong but so funny :P

  • I hate it when people comment about top comments that complain about the top comment being the same in order to get a top comment when they are just doing the same thing as the other top comment but have the higher expression so yea top comment bad me good guy ya that make me top comment now right? ya TOP COMMENT SAME iz bad!!1 ya

  • I hate it when my comment ends up as a top com- wait a minute...

  • "Next we will see who won the annual kitten slaughtering championship"

  • What a bunch of dogs. Lol best part.

  • Hey! I believe the right term for a female dog is a bitch! Please rephrase the last sentence to:

    "What a bunch of bitches."

    ...

    LOL XD

  • that last comment was uncalled for... very unprofessional...

  • @TheYouwontgetit Much like the birth of you was uncalled for.

  • @mikekegger ...actually that is not true... ...since my mother was already in the 9th months of her pregnancy and i just had to come out...

  • @TheYouwontgetit Yeah, its just too bad she chickened out of having the abortion.

  • @mikekegger ...but how empty would have your life been without commenting on my comments... ...be glad it all worked out like that... ...although i was scared for bit there...

  • @TheYouwontgetit yeah, I guess. Making fun of trolls on youtube is a favourite pastime of mine, so thank you for that.

  • @mikekegger ...see - think first, write second next time...

  • haha

  • Anal

    .thumb down bitch.

  • "Hi again Jack. Not sure if you got my other messages or my email, sometimes my computer spazzes!" Love the Onion.

  • "I use to have to wait for my friends to tell me days later that my date wasn't interested, now I get an automated email telling me right away!" Haha.

  • Wait, The Onion does real news? That's new to me.

  • gotta be my favourite one..

  • Bunch of dogs

  • Gotta test this new reaction thing.

  • I am dissapointed that people are trying to get a top comment by complaining about the top comments being the same.

  • @BWeManX some shit about some type of comment

  • @BWeManX I love the irony that you got a top comment out of this ;)

  • @BWeManX I am dissapointed by everyone who asks for thumbs up with clever comments.

  • @WafflezDay Me too...if you really have to say "Thumbs up for" it's probably not worthy...

  • @BWeManX commentception

  • @BWeManX so you're complaining about people complaining people are trying to get the top comment and you somehow acheived a top comment.. baffling

  • @BWeManX

    and yet you got a top comment complaining about the guyswho complain about the top comments being the same

  • @BWeManX commentception

  • ha ha, her profile says seeking men ages 25-65

  • I'm glad that the top two comments are not the same.

  • I am dissapointed that the top two comments are the same.

  • @DTeleforum but now they aren't... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

  • I am dissapointed that the top two comments are the same.

  • You, Onion News, are my new College Humor. Thank you.

  • These people have too many words in their comments which I am going to assume are arguments so Im just gonna go ahead and not read them and continue to click on more related videos :)

    vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv­vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv­vvvvvvvvvv

  • People please stop thumps upping quotes, it ruins the best punchlines

  • With that comb-over Jeff is likely one of the rejected singles on the online dating sites. The Onion rocks!

  • Hmm... it's the same for me, except I'm a 27 year-old male.

  • lololol

  • I am dissapointed that the top two comments are the same.

  • "New study finds 81 percent of Starbucks patrons silently judging each other for being there."

  • lmao, i know it's fake but it's kinda sad. but also really funny.

  • 76 ppl are DEFINATELY one of those pathetic women who get rejected online. Let's all point and laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA------­----------------->

  • My mom pretty much uses dating websites to judge other people she's never met based on a few messages and reject them just to be a bitch. Yeah, she's a terrible fucking person.

  • @SchizoManatee

    You do realize guys do this too?

    In real life guys approach girls they find attractive.

    They're judging girls they never met based on looks and passively reject them.

  • @udolipixie My mom sends them detailed messages explaining why they aren't "good enough." That's not passive. It's not insulting if someone isn't attracted to you; it's insulting if someone derides you for no good reason.

  • @SchizoManatee

    You're pretty up in her dating life.

    Funny guys usually complain about not knowing why a girl rejected them so they can know what they need to work on.

    Unless she's actually insulting them in her messages she's just rejecting based on attraction like guys approach on attraction.

    If you actually know what your mom writes in her messages to know if it's insulting either you need a life or she needs to stop talking about hers.

  • @udolipixie I overhear her conversations on the phone when we're in close proximity. Yes, it's actually physically possible to overhear something that you don't necessarily want to. And yes, it's actual insults. You can try, but there's no defending that kind of bullshit.

  • @SchizoManatee

    No defendingher.

    It just seemed harsh to call your own mother a b*tch for rejecting strangers based on attraction since people do it everyday.

    She's not a b*tch because she's judging based on a few messages she's a b*tch by how she deals out the rejection.

    So it's phone calls now? Thpught it was messages. Your story seems fake.

    But whaever.

  • @udolipixie Shitty miscommunication. She was talking to her friend about the messages. Not like you care. You act like rejecting someone in a bitchy way is perfectly acceptable. You can't deride someone just for being attracted to you. Fuck that.

  • @SchizoManatee

    Where did you get I'm acting like rejecting someone in a b*tchy way is perfectly acceptable?

    "She's not a b*tch because she's judging based on a few messages she's a b*tch by how she deals out the rejection."

    Try reading better.

    But you are right I don't care.

    I was just curious on why someone would call their mom a b*tch for rejecting guys online.

    Though to me it's okay to reject anyone however you want. It's not illegal to be b*tchy.

  • @udolipixie I'm honest. I don't care who you are. People in general deserve some fucking courtesy. And yeah, I was correct in my assumption that you think that being a bitch is acceptable. Your last sentence proves this. However, it's never justifiable to be a bitch. It implies that you're superior to another human being. I think you need to have an ego death.

  • @SchizoManatee

    Can you read?

    Or is your bias and ASSumptions you had about me blocking reading comprehension?

    "She's not a b*tch because she's judging based on a few messages she's a b*tch by how she deals out the rejection."

    I don't think being b*tchy is acceptable.

    Nowhere did I justify it either.

    My view is that it's not right but it's not illegal and people can behave however they want to if they follow the law.

    Ego death? Serious issues you have

  • @udolipixie For one thing, assumptions don't make an ass out of anyone. You're not clever. And you should really earn to communicate more effectively. You never came out and said that you don't think it's acceptable. I don't give a fuck what's legal. If it negatively affects an innocent third party, you shouldn't do it. And how the fuck does the phrase "ego death" equate to me having issues? Do you even know what it means? It looks like you think I'm bitter or something. You're funny.

  • @SchizoManatee

    Assumptions based on preconceived notions you have about someone based on your own negativity that impend your ability to think you may be wrong does tend to make an ass out of some people.

  • @udolipixie Or maybe I was never taking you seriously, and I like to mess with people when I'm extremely bored. And it's funny because I'm high as fuck, and my sentence was way more cohesive than yours.

  • @SchizoManatee

    Druggie dudes are fun to mess with.

    Cohesive try reading when you're not high.

  • @udolipixie Yeah, I'm not a druggie. Your sentence was the most redundant run on sentence I've seen in a while. But whatever.

  • "What a bunch of dogs"

  • haha woow, both the top comments are the same :P -__-

  • Good thing we guys can always take a trip to the third world and buy an underage prostitute! The sex you pay for is cheaper than the sex you don't pay for!

  • @MechaArnzilla

    Underage? O.o

    Just go to Amsterdam.

    The whole buy prostitutes thing though is why guys have no reason to complain about dating, sex, or relationships.

  • @Mcheetah Thanks for your comments. They are so true! We are ruled by our basic needs-women for nesting, and men for choosing a healthy mate. Women would like a man who pays all his bills. He doesn't need to be a millionaire, but if he can't balance his budget now (even if this means sacrificing cable TV, beer, and video games for a few months), how is he going to be able to do so with a family? At the very minimum, women need to take care of their health, men of their finances.

  • This story's kinda mean, even for The Onion, but it is kinda true. Basically, if you don't take care of yourself, you're saying you're not worthy enough to deserve a partner. No one has to be a Ten, but you should at least lay off the Twinkies and ice Cream so much, and buy some skin lotion or something. The only reason it doesn't apply so much to men is because we're judged solely on how much money we make as being "date-worthy."

    Yeah, life's unfair. What the fuck you gonna do?

  • @Mcheetah when men get older it's about the money and security, but when we are younger (under 26 or so) it's about looks and/or personality.. I'm gonna enjoy my last few years the best I can, then take a dating hiatus to prepare my finances hahaha

  • Lotfl!! Seriously if anyone thinks this is real, there just wanting attention. Funny bids though!

  • It's SATIRE people! "The Onion' is satirical, sarcastic. It's a gag'! Humor, get it?

    For freak sake...

  • What a total dickhead is the presentator:P

    

  • I think Elizabeth Doris and Janet Frohwein voted thumbs down..

  • @5MeganL I know that, but you're not one of them. Other wise you, and Jacquelyn104 wouldn't be whining about it on the internet.

  • @5MeganL A sensible and intelligent human being who appreciates his/her own life. Hey, I suppose it's your choice.

  • @Shodex4 no a heartless Sociopathic little fuck.

  • @Jacquelyn104 If thats how you want to put it, sure. But you're still an idiot for attempting suicide.

  • @Shodex4 smarts got the brains. Stupids got the balls.

  • @5MeganL Oh gee, does mommy and daddy not love you? My dad hit me, my mom's an ass, I have bad ADHD, I have ODD, I have OCD, my family made just enough money to feed us and dress us, I was bullied in school, I got bad grades because of my mental disabilities, I've done things to people (some of them friends) I regret to this date, I've been single for years.

    But you know what? I would never EVER be stupid enough to take my own life. Frankly, you are the attention whoring scum of society.

  • @Shodex4 dont worry kid i have something called COD and its pretty fun

  • @treymtz Me too, it's probably one of my most pressing problems. ;D

  • @Shodex4 You don't have friends? You seem like such a level headed guy and not an antagonistic, arguementative prick. I'm sure you feel like you put somebody in their place, but you just sound like a douche...

  • @Shodex4 My dad fucked me, my mom doesn't have time or money for me. I cut myself My dad performed identity theft on me when I was 12 years-old, kept me out of school because they didn't want to show the bruises. I fuck my dog because I'm lonely. I lie habitually, I stalk boys on Facebook, I steal money off of eBay and from stores. I took 11 oxycodone, and then 32 xanax I shouldn't even be alive. I count when I walk I have a severe anxiety disorder equivalent to PTSD.

  • @Jacquelyn104 lol, I love how when you're listing all of this shit that went down you throw in "I lie habitually" ^_^;,

    oh and, when I was 15, my mom told me, "if you kill yourself, you'll go to hell and relive whatever made you want to kill yourself for all eternity," then went back to her book.

    really good advice =D.

    being 20, not as melodramatic, and on my own, I'm glad I listened.

    if you want pity, you should prolly talk on something that isn't youtube comments, you'll just get flamed...

  • @steaiii thanks, but I've already gotten help. I'm not saying that anyone should fucking pity me in fact don't pity me spit on me cuss me out kick me in the ribs and tell me to "stand the fuck up and get over yourself you self-centered attention whore!" I take zoloft and it's made me not so much of a nightmare to be around...DAMN THESE FUCKING HORMONES!

  • guyyyyys I'm trying to decide which news station is more reliable. Onion or Fox news??

    tough decision =/

    *cough*sarcasm*cough**cough*fo­xnewsux*cough*cough*

    hehehhhhh sorry bout that I have a bit of a cold.

  • this is my favorite one

  • ouch...thats not nice

  • Who are the idiots who allowed the long form 'end of the world adverts' on this channel ? Must be Google. Weird.

  • BAHHAAHAAAAHAHAH..............­...

  • Sick.

  • Јао какве овај примере даје.А што не кажеш шта су радиле пре 35. године?

  • Comment removed

  • @freef49 You're scum.

  • @ThePierrekirbyfanboy I would like to apologize the poster was not me. I will go further and say that I love the onion!

  • @freef49 Have a close look at what you are typing. You're weird!

  • I hope women do not look for dates on Craigslist! That's a real evil place even you are looking for a "pay date."

  • The awkward moment when you tell someone they are needed for this video...

  • Comment removed

  • jeff tate = heartless bastard.

  • What a buncha dogs...LOL

  • @freeonlinedating9 we all know that each result will be you, either gender.

  • THIS SHIT IS SO FUNNY

  • The internet has raped modern courtship

  • janet wasnt that bad looking

  • how can they keep a straight face doing this? :D

  • @chipp06 same thing can be asked of CNN and FOX :D lol

  • Hilarious like all Onion videos, also worth noting there was nothing wrong with either of those women (:

  • what a bunch of dogs.. hahhaha!

  • It's really worth the time to stop the video and read the mail messages haha

  • 0:31 Body type: more to love

    Bahaha

  • what a bunch of dogs

  • To be COMPLETELY serious: I don't reject on stupidficial things like looks and I am totally marriage minded so if any NY woman is sick of rejection then contact me here on YouTube.

    Bobby DelRiv

  • @BobbyDelRiv you are alos desprit......

  • @BobbyDelRiv

    so desperate

  • @AdventEdge And I'm proud that I can admit it unlike so many phonies.................

  • There's no such thing as rejection for women.

  • aaaaawwwwww so sad. funny but sad..some are not fortunate enough to be good looking

  • So sad... Funny but sad...

  • Weight: More to love

    Religion: Spiritual

    MY god this is a KEEPER

  • BS !!! I know it is a joke.

    The are looking for Benefactors NOT Boyfriends. Any woman who wants a BOYFRIEND has one.

  • Aw this one's just sad.

  • LOL funny!

    Sad thing is that this is what actually happens to guys :/...

  • What a buncha dogs...

  • Why don't people get satire? it's satire you dim wits.

  • omg hilarious

  • WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A SUICIDE/PSYCHOLOGY CAREER ASPIRATIONS CONVERSATION GOING ON IN AN ONION VIDEO.

    Fuck, I hate people.

  • @SuperSkipMaster Kill yourself then to escape all the "people".....lols.

  • "What a bunch of dogs"

  • @Shodex4 fuck you! Nobody, not even my mom knows how obsessed I am I throw up in the bathroom and I take pills and I cry myself to sleep and I've become a kleptomaniac, my father was abusive,my mother and sister pretend these emotions and I don't exist. Quite frankly everything pisses me off at this point. NOT to mention that highschool is hell. Maybe if you watched the REAL news you would realize that teenagers are killing themselves because everyone blows it off like you! GOOD DAY.

  • @Jacquelyn104 make a friend. Make that your number 1 priority over everything else. Someone you like. Dont do anything thats not fun and dont ever let urself catch you feeling sorry for yourself or sad at any level. And if u need a real fantasy to cling onto to give u hope and happiness in life, watch a little something called "The Secret". Even if u dont believe it can change ur life like it says it can, the very worst belief in it can do is make u happy while u believe in the good it promises.

  • @AustinsPhotography 72virgins . com

  • women do kill themselves over this kind of stuff I think it's sad. But whatever I'm just a physically abused emotionally insecure 16 year old girl who has tried to kill herself about 7 times...(and failed because the pills won't stay down.)

  • @Jacquelyn104 Really? If thats true, then... Haha! You suck! Get over it and understand you have it better than most.

  • @Jacquelyn104 if you take enough of them they'll stay down. you're doing it wrong. if 7 times hasnt taught you or killed you then you need to take a different kind of pill next time you attempt or stop trying. If you really wanted to kill yourself you'd be dead by now.

  • @3rdtwilight My mom hides all the good stuff from me because she knows I would try to kill myself if I could. I have swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin and ibuprofen and Tylenol and benedryl (a different pill each time) ect... I close to starved myself to death one time but my mom caught me and asked me if I was pregnant(lol). We have 5 guns in the house but my Mom locks them away. somebody is watching over me so I just gave up and now I'm just miserable and unbearable to hang around.

  • @Jacquelyn104 You are loved. And many people, including me would be sad if you were gone.

  • @Jacquelyn104 My humble suggestion is that you need to watch other people that have bigger problems and than be thankful for simple things in life. Things like shelter, food, air, water...I'm not kidding here!

    There are a lot of people who don't have these things. And also you need to have a positive view on life. We all had/have problems which we think we can't solve but as time moves somehow life sorts itself out.

    Also, you have to accept some things in life. At times you have to endure...

  • @Jacquelyn104 I really think you should take it as a sign that it isnt meant to be and go the other way with it. If you've attempted this many times and something always stops you then maybe it's just not your time. I sounded brash in my last comment but suicide has been in my life for the past 7 years. From my cousin taking his life to my own attempt. [ tried to make myself bleed out, my friend found me and got me to a hospital just in time.] I say hold on. It may not seem like it but the world

  • @3rdtwilight faces a loss when someone commits suicide. The worst part of it is that people take their lives with an apathy thinking nobody cares and then they don't get to see the mourning they leave behind. I've seen too many sisters and brothers beat down by life without anyone paying attention. It's the reason I'm going to school for psychology. I wanna learn how the mind works and help people.

  • @3rdtwilight I'd suggest that if you suffer from depression, do not go into any mental health career. Having gone through a psychology degree, looking for work and volunteering that is required before gaining any sort of position, you need to be able to take the most depressing cases in your stride, and realise that you will fail a good proportion of the time.

  • @mellr0 thank you for the concern. I no longer struggle with depression or suicidal tendencies as of this day. A not so simple or easy shift in the way I looked at the world did wonders for my outlook and self image/esteem. I've been warned before about going into the profession but I guess we all have to pick our poison. It might be foolish but I'm willing to risk it if I might help others.

  • alright guys we all have a serious problem and where not getting to the party till we admit it.... There are a bunch of trolls hiding all the hot chicks and their not giving up till we give them what they want.. enrique englesis or however you spell it's name