In spite of the comments below, this was well delivered. An interesting rendering of Lewis' "Weight of Glory Sermon." He was, as you know, a scholar quite familiar with those whom your critic suggests that you come to know. It would be interesting to see him/her "artfully" deconstruct this. On a more useful and constructive note, and I'm repeating myself, well done.
Frankly, this sounds and reads like a lot of pseudointellectual wankery. I don't doubt your earnestness in writing it, but you toss out a lot of prosed up ideas (incomprehensible longing for the smell of a flower or the sound of unfamiliar music, insisting that those who endeavor to be great are destined to succumb to weakness, calling your neigbors "priceless" and "gods"/"goddesses", etc.) that could be deconstructed artfully with a bit of effort but are instead left untouched.
In addition to the large amount of grammatical errors, the term "thesaurus rape" comes to mind. It seems to me that you've fallen into the trappings of thinking that the wordy, "poetic" proclamation of an idea makes the writing artful at the cost of forgetting that the poetic exploration of an idea is what's most important.
It might be a good idea to read some classic literature and poetry to nail down the type of diction and syntax you're aiming for. Hardy. Shakespeare. Dickens.
In spite of the comments below, this was well delivered. An interesting rendering of Lewis' "Weight of Glory Sermon." He was, as you know, a scholar quite familiar with those whom your critic suggests that you come to know. It would be interesting to see him/her "artfully" deconstruct this. On a more useful and constructive note, and I'm repeating myself, well done.
scottspradlin 11 months ago
Frankly, this sounds and reads like a lot of pseudointellectual wankery. I don't doubt your earnestness in writing it, but you toss out a lot of prosed up ideas (incomprehensible longing for the smell of a flower or the sound of unfamiliar music, insisting that those who endeavor to be great are destined to succumb to weakness, calling your neigbors "priceless" and "gods"/"goddesses", etc.) that could be deconstructed artfully with a bit of effort but are instead left untouched.
uhwaykin 1 year ago
In addition to the large amount of grammatical errors, the term "thesaurus rape" comes to mind. It seems to me that you've fallen into the trappings of thinking that the wordy, "poetic" proclamation of an idea makes the writing artful at the cost of forgetting that the poetic exploration of an idea is what's most important.
It might be a good idea to read some classic literature and poetry to nail down the type of diction and syntax you're aiming for. Hardy. Shakespeare. Dickens.
uhwaykin 1 year ago
sarah put up captions please~
yerx 2 years ago
ok i put the captions
supersarawr 2 years ago