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From: smbctheater
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  • That guy with the red hair reminds me of the guy who writes SMBC. I wonder if they're friends or related or something like that.

  • the doctor's acting is... meh :/

  • Why the over use of penis jokes

  • awesome shirt!!! Love the game

  • A tempting response indeed...

  • 'Penis' is just a social construction. There is no objective reason to single out the floppy protrusion between your legs! That of course somehow means that the penis is just an illusion and that you should ignore your penis, which is not really a penis, except it is a penis, but only to 'society', but who wants to belong to 'society' anyway?

  • I have this early - as a junior in highschool

  • In a college lounge. Two people in the room are so much like the student in this skit. Some quotes:

    "I think you define values so loosely that you can shift them at a moment"s notice."

    "Values? Define values?"

  • 1:42 or are you?

  • LMAO...ah to be back in college or at least the age of..

    

  • they miss defined socialism views a little but other wise the video is spot on

  • @agrowthnerd I don't give a shit sort my papers

  • @thosearemypants1 HAHAHA i walked into that one

  • @agrowthnerd they meaning the dumbass college freshman who has no idea what he is talking about? yeah, big shock.

  • @Exarian I am a college freshman. I just needed to get that off my chest. It has been bothering me for some time now. Admittedly though, I have met some Upperclass level students who are just as pretentious and annoying as any freshman (most of them are Psych majors I have noticed.)

  • @CaptainSpellingError eh, some majors tend to stifle a development of perspective. I was a freshman once. I was probably the same.

  • @CaptainSpellingError Hang out with engineers.

  • @leexag I live on a floor full of them in my residence hall. Up at 3 in the morning playing Magic: The Gathering is a regular thing

  • That was... one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. I'm going to quote you, good sir. :)

  • how is english sexist? Other languages have different words for male or female, but english doesn't, so how is it sexist?

    awesome vid, by the way, watched it like 5 times, still laughing

  • @S1rJoso

    You threw out all the female forms. That's sexist.

  • @apsdil no you didn't, there is no male nor female, it's unisex. How do yo know it's the female the form you threw out and not the male? you don't, because the forms aren't male or female.

  • @S1rJoso You know by virtue of the history of the words. 'he' and 'man' used to be unisex, now they aren't. Actor and Actress show we still have some male/female divides, and it also shows us the form these tend to take. As a general rule, words follow some internal consistency. So we can in many cases infer from the words that still exist which form other words represent... And on that basis, most existing 'unisex' words are the male form.

  • @KuraIthys some words do have male female divides, because they describe something that has a sexuality, that's not being sexist. In my country feminist groups bitch about the language being sexist because there are male and female forms for every noun, yet in english people say its sexist because there is only one form, which you say is male. Father+mother=parents. If the plural form was "fathers" even if it includes female (as in my language) then yes, it would be sexist.

  • @S1rJoso Yes, there are actual neutral words in English. But I was just pointing out that it's possible to say more about such words than you might think. English wasn't as neutral in the past as it is now. As for feminists... Well, sometimes I hear them yell at at things that don't make any sense at all if you understand the history of the words.

    But that's neither here nor there.

  • @S1rJoso How can language be sexist? words dont give a shit about either gender, Im quite sure.

  • @runemaster123654 lol, but things are as sexist as women say they are, i've finally learned my lesson. Here in my country we have a a secretary of Equality (who has the same recognition as the secretary of Defense or of Economy) that can't stop bitching 'bout these things

  • @S1rJoso Stuff like "mankind" "chairman" "postman" etc. Honestly I don't give a shit myself, because we all know both sexes can occupy these positions (particularly mankind lol).

  • @Bardlettt English has no gender neutral word form; so the masculine defaults as gender neutral; therefore when the gender is generalized or unknown, you use the masculine form; thus mankind etc. People who call it sexist are actually the sexist ones because theyre the ones who bring sexism into the arguement.

  • @duo1666 And you don't think the masculine being the "default" for neutral is inherently biased? Again, I'm not saying it bothers me, but just because it's neuter doesn't mean it isn't biased in origin. That and your last sentence is nonsense. If anything they're being overly PC, noticing sexism doesn't make you default-sexist if it turns out the sexism in question isn't real.

  • @Bardlettt Not really. You cant call a person an it because humans arent inatimate, and since theres no gender neutral wording, it has to be one or the other. Masculine was chosen.

    And yes, it by default lables you sexist to bring sexism into something with no sexism grounds.

    "Youre suspended" "its because im black isnt it? Racist!" Sorry, but bringing something up like that only proves you to be racist/sexist and using it as a crutch.

  • @duo1666 So, Postperson, Chairperson, etc. aren't acceptable neutral labels? I think they are. The fact is, when these words were developed, women weren't considered "part of the human race" enough to be included in the language. And that's fine for back then, when you live in a time when all the postmen ARE men, it doesn't make sense to include women in the term.

    Better example: "Look at that black over there." "What do you mean 'that black?'" "I was talking about that oil spill on the street."

  • @Bardlettt Postperson.... that gives a sense of a lack of identity. If anything thats more sexist than postman.

  • @duo1666 Apparently you don't know what sexism is. How does "postperson" lack identity?! It's a person, who delivers post! Are you so attached to gender that you have to have it put in the title of everything that applies to you? GTFO.

  • @Bardlettt Person lacks identity of any kind and gives off more of an anymosity than -man. Whats hard to understand about that?

  • @duo1666 Again, why is it important that you know what genitalia the person delivering your mail has?

  • @Bardlettt Its not of importance. Youre the one assuming man = male.

  • @duo1666 "English has no gender neutral word form" That a quote from you hon. If man didn't = male, we wouldn't be called "women." Which goes all the way back around to where we started - that English is inherently biased by it's structure. That is why back when I was a delivery person, people opened the door yelling "the pizza man is here!" stopped, looked, and said "oh, pizza girl." They corrected themselves because they knew the term wasn't inclusive, at the very least in their own minds.

  • @Bardlettt I didn't follow through the whole conversation but as this is the internet I feel free to join in and add random thoughts. I think existing forms should be kept if they are good enough indicators for what they mean. Postman is a valid word and to specify you can always say male or female postman. I actually feel that the creation of words instead of mutual acceptance between genders leads to more sexism, at least that's the case with me. Same with racism. ANYWAY, GREAT VIDEO. Phew.

  • @LootFragg No, I agree, I don't care if someone says "postman", intimating that they are referring to both genders. I'd really rather not have "human" divided into "human" and "huwoman." There is a point where this gets stupid.

  • @Bardlettt Now that you agree, I also agree on language being related to society which is dominated by men so I generally understand your concern. However, I'm against feminism as a whole. There's a lot of chauvinist shit going on but we don't need laws to protect women when we have laws to protect humans. Language division belongs to the same category. I'm a German male, we've got lots of political correctness leading to people creating female forms for everything which leads to segregation.

  • @Bardlettt Instead, I want to use the first word I think of when describing a profession and if the easiest and most intuitive form is the same as the male one, I'll choose that. Thinking about political correctness distracts from the actual problem of some people being scum. Only having nice fitting words doesn't remove any sexist issues, it disguises them. Same as with racism, like I said. I'm using the word 'nigger' without hateful context and it's good. I could say anything and be insultive.

  • @Bardlettt I admit I sometimes expect a male when hearing about a profession, which depends on its nature. If I hear about a soldier I'm subconsciously thinking of a man because soldiers shouldn't really be feminine in behaviour, neither men nor women and if a woman chooses this profession, she shouldn't be treated differently with the exception of certain aspects which are of human nature. Ah, that's all gibberish, I bet you can catch my drift and this is not the place to discuss shit. Booya.

  • I'm a libertarian socialist... :(

  • @martinbondesson Yes it will.

  • @InfiniteFacepalm Yeah. I knew I was going to get that answer.

  • We need more of this

  • File his papers, touch him on the penis.

  • @nickstekar Doctor of Phallusophy

  • I finally get it!

  • I love Betsy. And the writing. And everything Marque has done (like all 3 videos?) has been gold.

    But you could pretty much have Betsy read Willa Cather novels in monotone and I'd watch.

  • PRO: I Don't Give a Shit and File my papers

  • define "penis", touch him on the penis.

  • @Urliamo

    define "define", and then touch him on the penis

  • @Archangel499 Define touch, then touch him on the penis.

  • @Archangel499 Define "define", and then define him on the penis.

  • @F0xyTh3F0x

    define "penis" then touch him on the definition of penis

  • @F0xyTh3F0x Define the definition of "Define" and define the definition of defining the touch of the definition of a penis.

  • Hahaha I'm guessing you've read some Ayn Rand :P

    I lmfao'd at the objectivist bit xD

  • 0:57 "should I strangle him?" lawl

  • Pro: I don't give a shit. File my papers.

  • The answer is never this or that. but always this, that and both.

    THE SECRET IS 3! 3 IS BALANCE!

  • File his papers, then touch him on the...wait, that's just weird.

  • @hylian90 "Secretary Strike!"

  • Ma'am, I'm afraid your son has full of shit syndrome.

  • I don't get the Ferrari thing. Is it a joke?

  • @TGGeko Maybe it's the permanent job security? I'm not really sure, though.

  • so we got an objective existentialist postmodern socialist.

    logical fallacies....killing me!

  • @dchris1990 Wait... you actually believe that libertarians are socialist... let me just take a moment to point out how earthquakingly funny that is.

    Liberty = socialism

    Thus we should have no liberty. Right? Because thats dictatorship. Right? And theres just no way that the policies of both the republicans and democrats match nearly word for word the polecies set out by Lenin the communist party. But no, devolving power from centralised government is exactly what the communists are known for.

  • Comment removed

  • @Elephantintheroom01 Obvious troll is obvious.

  • @Aldrasio Implying you understand what ive said.

  • @Elephantintheroom01 hahaha sorry but i think the whole point of my comment was to say how libertarianism does not equal socialism, and how socialism and objectivism (Ayn Rand) do not exactly coincide either. sorry but from what i can follow of your message, i think youre a bit wrong. anyway, if u wanna argue politics, go join a politics club or class if ur in college! I'm not going to debate on an SMBC youtube comment page :P

  • @dchris1990 That was... unexpectedly mature... well whatever you think i suggest making it clearer. Is that not fair? I mean he said he was libertarian... you said he was socialist...

  • @Elephantintheroom01 "you said he was socialist..."

    Because this was the point of the joke... He had also, just before, said that private corporations can't be trusted with the means of production, which is obviously not a libertarian stance. The joke was the guy had two conflicting ideas and he didn't seem to realize it.

  • @primusfeces I am completely baffled as to how you understood the contradiction, but didn't understand the joke.

  • I'll never forget my liberal studies professor first year of college telling us about how post modernism is killing society.

  • they're all SUCH bad actors

  • BEST SMBC video in a LONG time.

  • @primusfeces THAT"S THE JOKE.

  • This was okay but I don't think you guys know what existentialism is

  • Pro: I don't give a shit.

  • ha-ha! i'm gonna buy me a Ferrari! xD

  • Mr. Weiner, I am loving your skits and hope to continue seeing them in the near future. They are getting progressively wittier.

    P.S. Lol that black dude is so fucking funny, he's really added a lot to your skits. Deadpan delivery, love it. 

  • LMAO Bad case of Objectivism

  • File his papers. Touch him on the penis.

  • Wh-What did I just watch? O_O

  • @primusfeces a severe case of logical contradiction

  • Not funny.

  • wikipedia (dot) org/wiki/Libertarian_socialism

    Bam.

  • What a shitbag. 

  • Almost every one of these videos I watch makes me fall deeper and deeper into "smitten" with that beautiful lady. (Uhhh... that's the incredibly sexy redhead on our right. Not the incredibly sexy redhead on our left.)

  • @sclinge1 You can have Ms. Sexy to our right, and I'll have Mr. Sexy on the left. EVERYONE wins :D.

  • that kid reminds me of so many obnoxious bastards i know.

  • Y'know... even though I like to turn my brain off for some things these types of skits still make me chuckle. It's nice to have some hypocritical intellectual humor.

  • The freshman's first con isn't even valid, seeing as how the alphabet isn't exclusively English. If he doesn't like English, he can file my papers alphabetically in Dutch, or German, or French, or Norwegian...

  • I don't understand this joke. :( Can anyone please explain it to me?

  • If I had a dime for every time I encountered an idiot who simultaneously believed in Objectivism and socialism and voted Libertarian, I'd have enough money to pay their parents to retroactively abort them.

    Through a time machine.

    Which I bought.

  • @Ryuuken117 I would have one dime....the freshmen from this skit counts, right?

  • @Ryuuken117 I don't give a shit file my papers.

  • @Ryuuken117 You would also have almost enough money to solve world hunger and fully retire, at least that is what my numbers suggest.

  • @Ryuuken117 If you could hook a turbine up to Ayn Rand's coffin as she rolls in her grave, you would have discovered a means of infinite energy.

  • Technically, he's just a green...

  • Some if it went over my head, but thumbs up for Metroid Prime shirt.

  • That doctor solved nothing. Nothing at all.

  • @Utterbach Or did he?

  • It seems that SMBC has a variety of viewers. Create a physics/math joke, people are upset. Create a philosophy/English joke, other people are upset. Personally, I enjoy both and think that this skit was great. As an Objectivist, it was Zach's comic making fun of Ayn Rand that got me into SMBC. Every time I see a reference to Objectivism, it reminds me of why I started reading and viewing. Keep it up, SMBC-Theatre!

  • that red head is pretty dam okay

  • @Spivias Yeah, I think Zach's pretty sexy too.

  • Use college freshman's stupid laziness to buy yourself a Ferrari, have a discussion with him about the pros and cons of paying him to touch you on the penis.

  • love this one, tho im not sure i get the ferrari mark entirely at the end

  • funny

  • Made me laugh at first because the Doctor of Philosophy is actually a real educational award - the DPhil. It's what they call a PhD at Oxford and Cambridge Universities in the UK, and it makes you a Doctor at the end of it.

  • Its really sad just how true this entire skit is.....Good job though =P

  • @pavo6503

    I don't quite see the connection. You seem to be taking the view of some majors in philosophy on their area as the view that is held by people in this area as a whole.

    Ironically, those jokes that seem to be boring to someone unfamiliar (it seems) with the topic can be quite hilarious to those who do have some familiarity with it. I don't think philosophy is useless, but that doesn't mean I can't have a few laughs about it when it's due.

    Lastly, jokes aren't simply about teasing.

  • Clowns = funny. Sex offenders = mostly funny as long as it's your kids they are raping. Philosophy jokes are boring. I know philosophy majors who even admitted the major is useless. Not funny. Just boring.

  • @pavo6503 Wait, so clowns admitting they're funny is reason to laugh at them but philosophy majors admitting they're funny isn't? Maybe you should take a philosophy class on how to construct argument...

  • @pavo6503

    Or you just don't understand?

    And also, some do not represent all.

  • Haha, adults don't think about stupid crap like PHILOSOPHY! That shit is for adolescents.

  • lol

  • HOLY SHIT ZACH YOU ARE WEARING AN AWESOME SHIRT. IT BLOWS MY MIIIIIIIIIIND.

    You always seem to have the best shirts.

  • Great as usual, and the doctor was just brilliant!

  • The redhead is actually rather pretty and the skit is great... Go Engineers, we're awesome, and one day I'll be awesome with a red haired fem-gineer :D

  • We get it. You hate philosophy. Move on to something funny.

  • @pavo6503 Philo major spotted.

  • @AgentSparklepeach totally missed it. TV/Radio production. Worked for public radio. But the whole "rag on something that isn't really funny" is just old.

  • @pavo6503

    I'm sorry, but I'm actually graduating in philosophy, and I just don't see how this is about hating it. In fact, I laughed out load at the video, as I do with most of SMBC's jokes on philosophy. Being able to make jokes about a subject and mocking it where it's due isn't equal to hating it.

    ... Or is it? :D

  • @TyracSanmonnCon It's like making fun of ICP. They get it, they're stupid. Why make fun of clowns?

  • @pavo6503 I know right? Why make sex offenders tell their neighbors? They get it, they're sexually offensive. Why make them offend others more with their sex?

  • Comment removed

  • File his fucking papers, touch him on the penis.

  • no seriously...file his fucking papers.

  • PRO: I don't give a shit.

  • 100th vid?

  • redheads are hot.

  • @mojomike Which redhead?

  • @mojomike Agreed!

  • @mojomike or.. ARE they?!

  • @mojomike Amy Pond =D !

    Also, love that bit : "Let me run some tests. Son, what colour is the sun ?"

    "[would-be deep voice] ... Define 'sky' ..."

  • @mojomike you should touch him on the penis

  • discuss pros and cons, touch him on the penis

  • The first minute of this is gold, especially relative to young people voting for Ron Paul.

    Even better, I'm glad to see that Carl from Family Matters has not aged a day in well over a decade!

  • o.o I don't get it...

  • This is ONE OF THE BEST! so funny I shitted.

  • Metroid Prime Trilogy FTW!!!!

  • This was so funny... or was it?

  • HAha!! Loved it!!!

  • Yo Weiner. I skipped out on my senior project and for 5 months, read your comics for one hour a day. Now I have a GED...any who your a hero to me, and I love that shirt.

  • @tanner7281 I think you mean "you're"

  • @smbctheater he's got a GED give him a break.

  • @smbctheater

    > GED

  • @smbctheater You mean.

  • @smbctheater Orrrr does he!?

  • @tanner7281 Thumbs up, I too got my "Good Enough Diploma"

  • @tanner7281 How the hell did you read his comics for an hour a day for 5 months? Did you just read a single word every minute?

  • Descartes must be spinning in his grave so fast he could tunnel his way to China.

    Still, great sketch! I did a year of philosophy at uni, then dropped out because I was turning into that guy :S

  • @UtopiaV1 Grats!

  • Pro:

    Merely everybody speaks it.

    Con:

    It is rather illogical, but hell defeats Spanish!

  • .. but .. there was no james?

  • This is one of the best videos... or is it?

  • 100th video!

  • Loving it... or am i?

    

  • Oh, I remember these days of college. Such fun....

    Or WERE they??

  • As an Objectivist who sometimes enjoys Existentialist literature and has many socialist and libertarian friends, I loved the fuck out of this.

  • Flew right over me. The only thing I know is that freshmen get all "philosophical" on everything because of all the bull they are bombarded with.

  • @NameIsAce Or do they?

  • I find this particularly hilarious because my annoying roommate acts exactly like this. Good thing he doesn't watch this!

  • Nice one!

  • Is it worrying that I just had a ton of information run through my head when he said Post modernism :S