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  • aw im in the swiss army but this is hilarious

  • You cant touch this XD

  • @Mr5eXLove He's Scottish...

  • @Mr5eXLove It's called satire... Loosen up

  • Lichtenstein is a small country, you can be half way in and not realize it.

  • @Chrisfs59

    well not really in order to get to Liechtenstein from Switzerland you have to cross the Rhine and you kind of realize when you cross a river...and it's the only big river around...trust me i live there you must be extremly stupid to not realize that you crossed to boarder to Liechtenstein

  • "U can't touch this!"

    XD I'm crying!!!!!

  • 0:01

  • @kzaki87 what about it

  • That ''Craig'' Guy looks so stupid in is swiss Bankers Suit! I guess He too, ''invaded'' San Francisco by mistake!!! lol

  • This guy who thinks he's funny never reads the entire article but the title... What a moron...

  • @Crallux obviously craig is purposefully only talking about the headline and not the actual thing, that's what makes it funny. don't be the sort of inconsiderate fool who dispositionally characterizes people based on one small misunderstood thing

  • @Crallux oh please and you take him seriously? He's a comedian! Comedians take liberties and poke fun at everyone and everything!

  • parachutte pants..... and you can't touch this..... as a swiss is it really funy!!!

  • Comment removed

  • this guy has no idee about the Swiss Armed Forces! Make your Military Service before making Jokes about the Swiss Army! We dont have a Professional army but we know how to kick some Asses! Und zumd Wifläsche fürs Fondü öffne isch nüd besser als de Korkezieher vomene Sackmässer ^^

  • @onid02 hes a late night tv show host...he couldnt care if the swiss had a million nukes aimed at every country on earth, he mocks everything, lol he mocks presidents politicians anything he can get his hands on, hes that stripped for real jokes or comedy, hes awesome still though lol

  • i just got back from the vatican and what would the swiss gaurd do if someone had a gun because they have spears. some people say they are traditional like the buckingham palace gaurds but at least they av guns.

  • @RPGaddictC

    The Swiss you see are the traditional guards. The ones you don't see however...they carry weapons like SIG P225 pistols, Heckler & Koch MP5A3 submachine guns and SIG SG 550 assault rifles.

  • @RPGaddictC then the crazy-ass italian police will come in with their lamborghinis and tanks and knock that guy out, the swiss guard are only there really for tradition and nostalgia

  • @Bugattiman1011 the swiss guys dressed like that are there for tradition, but they are in fact trained bodyguards, the ones in the fancy uniforms are just for show, they take turns, the swiss really do protect the pope

  • Wow what an annoying person.

  • I did invade Italy once.

    Just walk over a mountain pass and you are sipping coffee at a bar and guy asked for Lire (then Italy's currency).

    Seemed totally unruffled for the weaponry we had with us, as long we paid for the espressos.

  • Uh, Knives is the plural of "knife", CBS. Title Fail.

  • @pamew omg HAHAHA you're so right! i cannot believe a major network didn't know to write "knives"... it was probably a student intern

  • @pamew haha lol true, I didn't even notice :)

  • @pamew omg, grammar nazi. i love you!

  • @pamew lol thats the only reason i clicked on this video, to correct it

  • @pamew in the CBS Game.... CBS stands for... Creative Bad Spelling...

  • @pamew they spelled "army's" wrong too =]

  • @uniteagainsthumanity ...and yet felt the need to also capitalise every last word, even where not needed. In fact, now that I look at this again months later, I'm starting to wonder who the hell is running CBS's Youtube channel...

  • fucking swiss

  • Great! XD

    Just fyi, the Swiss weapons is the SIG-550, called KRIEG-550 in CSS ^^

  • @orthografe The ingame model is the SIG SG 550 Sniper

  • @DraganDrabic SIG-550 Sniper for AT and SIG-552 (commando) for terrorist ^^

  • I KNEW a MC Hammer joke was coming as soon as he said parachute pants.

    Obviousy, Craig has never seen Leichtenstien. Blink, and all of a sudden you're in Germany. (I think Leichtenstein borders Germany...)

  • @kamtiniyes Actually Liechtenstein is sandwiched between Switzerland and Austria but the *blink* and it's over is quite right.

  • Is it just me, or does he sound like George Bush or Elvis at 1:40 when he says 'very funny' .haha

  • I'm actually swiss and i was in the army and trust me it is suprisingly easy to invade another country by accident, i mean just take a wrong turn somewhere and you just go across the border.

  • This is a stupid Idiot... he know nothing

  • I'm from Switzerland and I had to laugh too.

    But actually it wasn't an invasion. Just a few recruits were on a trip and lost their way and walked over the boarderline of Liechtenstein.

    And the reason why the Swiss Army work for the Vatican is based in history. In the middle ages we had the strongest mercenary army in the world, so the pope has hired us. The clothing was not changed until today and now it is a cultural asset.

  • @ouly7 but still mercs right?

  • @guzman0717 Yeah, for the pope you can still serve as a kind of bodyguard.

  • Im swiss"and I also found it very funny :)

    

  • Dude Craig Ferguson is hilarious and he never intends to insult, just merely express an opinion in a comical way.

    And even though the Swiss guard is highly respected and what not, and even though it is a traditional uniform that doesn't exempt it from being funny. Just take it in the good humour it was intended for ;)

  • @AlexlovesMuse Also I should mention I am Swiss as well, and it was definitely a good laugh :D

  • swiss are such pussies !

  • @BOGGLEO phoque oeuf!

  • @VederchiHarry - the ideal swiss army knife would have a "sense of humour" on these that the average swiss person could just whip out if they felt a basic situation was getting on top of them. Hop Suisse !

  • @BOGGLEO

    Let see if You raostbeef have also some ''sense of humour''!!!

    brits are such pussies!

    lol

  • @VederchiHarry OK ... okokokko I agree ( and I'm a Brit living in Switzerland ) ... happy !!? ;o)

  • fuckin american, die in irak!

  • Du GOTTVERDAMMTER ARSCH!!! Die Schweiz einfach in den Dreck ziehen.

  • @xeang94 nein. ich ben eine schweiz. jawhol.

  • come on switzerland we kick ur us army ass.

  • i really really did laugh (i'm a swiss too ;))

    guys, its totally normal that some people just dont like it when someone tells jokes about the own homeland.. so stop bitching..

    btw, the "invasion by accident" wasnt a invasion, it was just a few recruits that were on a training-trip in the night and lost their way, and because swiss and liechtenstein haven't a guarded/marked border they found themselves in liechtenstein the next day ;)

  • we Americans know how to take a joke but i guess the Swiss cant

  • @atalkinghorseable

    sure, you americans are the best.. lol i laughed hard at your comment;)

  • @tschiefnrone When did i ever say were the best learn to read my friend

  • @atalkinghorseable

    that was just a "joke".. it wasnt meant to be serious "FRIEND" ;)..

    it was just about the: we americans can take jokes but you guess the swiss cant.what does THIS have to do with the country?i mean, i bet i can find MANY americans who wouldnt like if a swiss TV-canal would make fun of america.. but there will also be plenty that can LAUGH about it!that has nothing to do with the country, only with the human nature!your comment just sounded like: all americans can take jokes

  • why don't americans know what neutral means? they always think a neutral country musn't have an army...

  • We (most (some (half ( a fair amount)))) Americans know of out stupidity, thank you joshpwnsatpaintball for this example, and most (some (half ( a fair amount))) of you Swedes are aware of your's, pumpen1971, wonderful example. Bringing this in mind, stop slammin' each other with snide remarks, Okay? You are all being, for lack of a better word, assholes, well some of you at least. We didn't come here to racialy slam eachother.

  • i'm swiss and i don't care about these guards, i mean they're in italy so who cares. plus i think you should be able to laugh about your own culture now and then otherwise you'll get old and bitter. PLUS the uniform of these guards is really hilarious (and yes i've been to vatican state i've seen them...)

  • At least the Swiss army doesn`t terorize foreign countries like the US army

  • idiot american, Switzerland is a peaceful nice country

  • im swiss, but evin i love him xD

  • I'm swiss and I generally like his jokes. But I don't like the part about the guards in the Vatican. Switzerland is proud of the guards and we're touchy when someone makes fun of them.

  • so huere geil ^^

  • how would it look if they would wear a real army uniform in the vatican???

  • I'm swiss, had a cousin in the vatican guard, and need to tell people to chill out! This shits funny =D

  • do you guys like this joke? bush and bin laden are playing chess who wins?? bin laden, because bush plays without towers lol?? no! that kind of jokes are not funny...

  • I'm swiss and I laughed my fucken ass off! stop beefin you morons =)

  • hüäru göich!

  • im swiss, i was in the army, and this video is hilarious! dont be so serious, swiss guys! ;-)

  • F*** You, I'm proud to be swiss.

  • you got really no idea how swiss guard in vatican city works. this uniform is just for those doing the honour guard, the rest of them is like normal security people, and they're kind of best private security on world... and everyone who knows the casern on st. luzisteig knows how easy it is to get into lichtenstein... the frontier is about 50m behind the ending of the shooting range, so if you wanna be a serious comedian, inform before just talk such shit... greetings from switzerland f*****

  • @chubajwwil WTF do you realize the term serious comedian is an oxymoron. Douche bag!

  • A COMEDIAN ISN'T SUPOSED 2 BE SERIOUS

  • they are so great (the Swiss guard) that a crazed WOMAN tackled the pope..twice lol

  • Chilleds das isch nur en Komiker

  • Schofseckel! Ich säg ja au nöd das jede Ami mit äm nä Hamburger in Kampf ghat, scheiss Vorurteil.

    Translate for our American friends:

    Asshole, I do not claim that every American takes a hamburger in the battlefield, fucking Prejudices.

    God bless Switzerland

  • omfg..... stupid guy !!

    im swiss too and our land has tradition .....

    848 helvetia

  • 848 HEIL DIR HELVETIA!!!

  • 1:17 Every country has an army. Either an own or a foreign. Neutrality doesn't protect us from invasion.

  • I'm laughing at all of these people arguing about Switzerland and USA and all that BS. I, personally think Craig is hilarious, because he doesn't just aim at other countries, He makes fun of Americans too. So the bottom line is, all of you need to stop PMSing and learn to appreciate comedy instead of fighting over USA or Switzerland being 'better'.

    On a side-note, that Mc Hammer reference was genius. XD

  • LOL Angel, thank you. As soon as he said parachute pants I was waiting for the reference! And you're right! Craig takes the piss on EVERYONE including Americans, English, Irish, Scots, Canadians, Russians, you name it! And I Laugh My Ass Off every time!

  • ma che brutto....se le nostre armi sono migliori delle vostre americani del kazzo vi credete i migliori del mondo ma siete solo degli idioti

  • Why are americans so damn stupid? Heil dir Helvetia :D

  • yes, they know absolutely nothing...

    the swiss guard is tradition

    848

  • @pumpen1971

    Was chasch degege mache?

    Stupid americans!

  • @pumpen1971 shut up u now nothing

  • @joshpwnsatpaintball Figg dich i din schwule Ami Arsch! Du chlini Schwuchtelsau!

  • @pumpen1971 talk in english u rtard

  • @joshpwnsatpaintball

    I can translate it for you ;-) He sad: Fuck yourself in your Gay American Ass. You tiny faggot.

  • @pumpen1971 lass diä trurrige amis...

    sie sind nume 200 jahr alt...

    die hend kei traditione und kultur.

    sie sind die dümmsche und meinet sie seget die beschte nume wills am meischte geld für waffe uusgend anstaht für lebenversicherig.

    drum gahts dene scheisse.

    nume privatversicheret aberpanzen hends gnueg...

  • @pumpen1971 you know nothing of Americans we have a lot of respect for the Swiss and the peace they hold in the world but its your ignorance that makes you think otherwise because of a few people on the internet we are a nation of over 330 million and you may think you know us but you dont

  • @pumpen1971 It might be 500 years old, but I think that everyone can agree that the uniforms for the swiss guard were one of da Vinci's worst creations.

  • @pumpen1971 It doesn't matter if Jesus made the fucking things 2,000 years ago, they're still ridiculous by any sane standard. Besides, aren't you Swiss supposed to be neutral on everything? Too bad Hitler didn't make fun of your sad little guard uniforms, maybe then you all would have gotten off your asses and pulled your weight in the world.

  • @archer1558 LOL,Your comment is so stupid on so many levels.

    no offence Dude but you cracked me up almost as much as this Video.

  • i'm swiss and whats so funny about the uniform of the swiss guard ??

  • @MRoa91

    It is a common acknowledgement of all the galaxy's intelligent forms of life that they look gay :)

  • @MRoa91 Because it looks like clown outfit and a plumed helmet that looks like a Las Vegas dancer headgear. That's what people with a sense of humor call funny. Warm Regards.

  • @MRoa91 That swiss guard uniform looked like a clown's... that why it was so funny. It was just a joke anyway... funny one, however...

  • @MRoa91 Somebody don't know, they are historycal  :>

  • @MRoa91 he only makes a joke regarding the Swiss Guards' uniform because they're similar in style to pants from the 1980s that were too large.. and the song he sang was a popular song during that period

  • @MRoa91 i'm swiss too and yes, the swiss uniform of the guards is pretty ridiculous

  • @MRoa91 They look like Clowns ..cmon.

  • @MRoa91 its ridiculous they look like jesters

  • Oh Well! You know!!! Mistakes happen!

    America also invaded Iraq by mistake! And the British followed them blindfolded!!!

  • @VederchiHarry they gave bullshit reasons, no mistake though they did what they wanted

  • well wasn't a mistake got rid of Saddam, in less you think he was a nice guy.

  • I didn't say that Sadam was ''a nice guy''!

    But if the USA wanted to get rid of all of the ''nice guys'' in the World... I would be more than happy!

    But, I believe it would take You about 10'000 years (more or less)

    or...

    may be...

    by an amazing coincidence... You invaded Iraq because of its oil!!!!

    Noooooooooo! Sadam was a real jerk!

  • oil? um bull shit. lol.

  • Then, You Tell me the reason!!????

  • cause some dummy's wanted to fly planes into a building.

  • @VederchiHarry It was no mistake. It was quite deliberate. Although it was illegal. Don't listen to the official discourse.

  • WOW awesome I laughed so hard

  • somehow I wouldnt fuck with a swiss guard, something about prachute pants and round-house kicks to the jaw.

  • I'm swiss and i found it hilarious^^

  • @ToyoKadiyaMikayla i oh XD

  • have some fucking problem with the suisse army?

  • I heard that Switzerlands true strength is in the combination of its geography and its army reserve. What I heard is that everyone does national service *and they take their weapons home with them*.

    This means that just about every adult has an assault riffle under the bed in a country full of narrow passes that can be held by just a few guys.

    So Switzerland is neutral because they're tough enough to make it stick.

    If anyone on here really is swiss, could you tell me how true this is?

  • the Swiss Army is the People, and the Swiss Guard often wear Kepflar vests. But then there is the Swiss Air Force, their most potent aircraft being a Ju52. But hen being surrounded by such militarilly potent nations such as France, Germany, Austria and Italy, who needs the underground fighter launching pads, the anti.aircraft facilities hidden in haystacks...but then of late, Swiss diplomacy has been lacking of bite (see Libya)

  • well, yes, but all important cities are in the flat where they cant be defended if an attack comes from the north.

  • you're perfectly right. in addition the swiss are also given ammunition to store at home, so the guys could be ready in 2 mins.

    all that combined with the latest and best equipment, in theory.

  • The thing is, it's not just the citizens militia - though that's vital, other countries should take note - it's also their banking system. Due to reasons fair and foul Switzerland has become one of the worlds (if not *the* worlds) banking powerhouse, ie' they've got everyone's money. No country wants to f**k with that without a *very* good reason.

    The point is, lots of counties would *like* to be neutral but just saying it doesn't stop you getting invaded. Switzerland has a defense that works

  • Actually, the best part about a citizen army is that it keeps governments honest. I won't say that the swiss government is any paragon of virtue, (they are, after all, mostly bankers) but at least they know they have to keep their - well armed and militarily trained - populace happy, or at least not shooting at them. Ergo, Switzerland has a system of highly democratic recall referenda and *the majority of citizens are millionares* (yes, really). A militia is the best defence against tyranny.

  • *the majority of citizens are millionares* (yes, really)

    Sorry Dude,Wealthy maybe but not Millionaires,ofcourse there are some,but most are kept in check.

  • Yes, that's true. But you don't became some ammo for your weapon.

  • LMAO love craig

  • Hi, I am swiss too and found it hilarious. Truth be told: the swiss army is O.N.E B.I.G. J.O.K.E!

    We produce good and useful knives though...

  • The swiss army maybe small,but it ain`t a joke,and could defeat a much larger Army than it self.

    Just read up on what we did to Hitler`s Luftwaffe as they enterd swiss territory.

    But yeah funny video.

  • I think "geography" protected us from Hitler. Mountains are quite hard to invade. (no tanks etc.) I live in SH and as you probably know, SH got hit by bombs in WW2. By accident or not, nobody knows for sure. There are theories (coz of the SIG factory, that produced weapons)...

  • Yes,schaffausen,Zurich and Basel were bombed by "accident".Also don`t forget many were abandoning their damaged Aircrafts over switzerland letting them crash into us.

    Some Americans also appearantly said that Switzerland deserved to get bombed cause they belived we were Nazi supporters.Same time Hitler was planning Operation Tannenbaum.

    As you said geography saved us possibly,

    also winter/wether,the need for our Railroads,his greed for art/historical artifacts?

    Gee we were lucky .

  • Yes we were lucky. Just imagine what it would be like, if we hadnt been...

    I used to know an old woman who helped Jews to pass the border and she kept them hidden in her house. I find it awful, that ppl think the Swiss were cowards. Some were, some werent. Some were nazi-supporters, some werent.

    Grüessli

  • ha ha sure dude sure..

  • As much as I laughed at that I was very bothered by CBS' lack of spelling skills...I don't know of a word spelled knifes...I know about knives but I've never seen knife PLURAL as knifes....

  • Oh my god, that last part was ingenious! Craig has an awesome voice. Perfect for impressions, and singing too.

  • yeah when i was in swiss army we did all that lol

  • Take care what you say....little sucker....forza swizzera!!!

  • "It was all so dark!"

  • I'm swiss to ;)

    yes, it's very funny xDD

  • I'm swiss and I take it the good way, this is funny! But we do have a serious army!!!!!

  • Comment removed

  • I want more jokes bout swiss things... I think his jokes are even more funny when you know all the things he's talking about... Amazing clip

  • well I'm Swiss and I couldn't stop laughing XD

    I really don't get what the problem is, guys.

    He's a comedian... he makes jokes about all kind of people, even himself... not only Swiss... so GET OVER IT :(

  • It didn't happened just once! Cause there is no real frontier between Lichtenstein and Switzerland. So when swiss soldiers walk during the night and get lost it can happen that 20 Soldiers or so invade our neighbour country : )

  • Don't mess with the Swiss, or else they'll open up their bank and knock you out with Gold Bullion. Or Chocolate.

  • Comment removed

  • Well, at least now we know that Swiss people on youtube have no fucking sense of humor whatsoever.

  • yes they hvae but when someone makes fun of you its not fun fatass american

  • I'm not American, you clueless turd.

    And you wonder why people make fun of you? Not only do you have no sense of humour, but you're a moron to boot.

  • yes you are bitch canada is on the continent of america

    abd NO im not swiss you hatefull twat

    and we have more humour then you

  • You are, quite possibly, the stupidest person on YouTube. Congrats, that's a hell of a distinction.

  • thanks you fucking retarded shit head

  • You're welcome!

  • just so you know im not swiss

  • I never said you were. Unlike you, I don't make dumb assumptions.

  • yes you did

  • well ur still american, and the USA feeds u, if we so choose will can invade u, and u'd just have to take it like a prison bitch. So quit fucking with other countries when ur pussy nation is not even prepared for war with any of the european nations, not even luxenbourg

  • thats in reply to c6gunner, his country of canada is weak anyway, even Somalia can whoop it

  • Do you really think I care about the opinion of an antisemitic conspiracy theorist hick who gets his jollies by trolling youtube from his parents basement? Please. Your only purpose in life seems to be to serve as an example of what not to do. Other than that, you are a complete wast of oxygen.

  • too bad nobody cares about the opinion of ALL of Canada. Your whole country is worthless, We cant even use you to combat the NWO because ur too weak to help in the first place.

  • deceiver123, at this moment the USA is getting another beating in Iraq, fat-lazy kids sitting on hummers shooting at civilians throwing grenades into livestock, USA is a disgrace of the western world, last time the yanks came with Benedict Arnold and attacked Quebec-City they got a big beating also, so just go eat a BIG MAC FATSO

  • We do have a sense of humor. ^^

    Love this vid, cos we really "invaded" Lichtenstein. The next day the newspaper said "Swiss troops march into Lichtenstein" and i was like omg we ar at war ^^

  • uah so you know all Swiss people on youtube, ae? xD

  • Almost all! Now that I've met you, I think that completes the list. Thanks!

  • ühm... why so unfriendly? xD

    'Cause unlike some other Swiss here, I have NO PROBLEM AT ALL with his jokes about the Swiss... on the contrary... I really like them and I couldn't stop laughing.

    but yeah... never mind XD

  • I'm not being unfriendly, I'm being sarcastic :) Most of the Swiss I've met have been excellent people. The dickwad I was talking to earlier is obviously an exception; as in most nations, I'm sure that people like you and me make up the majority of Swiss society.

  • lool, sorry^^

    I'm usually a really sarcastic person... but I sometimes really don't get written sarcasm... esp. on youtube... you never know who's serious and who's being sarcastic ^_^

    well, cheers ;D

  • whoah why so much HATE?!

    dont hate on craig, he's just a comedian, these are just jokes you crazy swiss people

  • what a retard!!!

    we should get a squad of aad10 (swiss special forces) to go to that guys house and kidnap him just for fun...

  • PLPerren ---- i doubt you can get thru usa radar with ur little army of bankers to get to Craig's house. And besides, afterward you would have to bow to the queen of england and explain why you killed one of her subjects if you were successful at all.

  • fuck you stupid man