Ask Victoria: Tools to Cope With Social Anxiety

[KarameloKaramelo]

Shyness=thinking you are shy

Love=being yourself

social anxiety=thinking what others think of you

schizophrenia= thinking what other think about you while thinking

suicide= no thought

truth/real love=shyness

just begin with yourself and love yourself beyond measure and end up with the from you began with :)......hope this paradox makes it a bit easier to see through your thoughts and VERY helpful with meditation. love yall........ex shy not wanna be dude from Holland, europe.

[PeppermintAmnesiac]

You are very intelligent and amazing.

[Salger12]

Yeah I remember being put down a lot. Im not comfortable with myself and it really sucks. I keep telling myself to get over it, its ruining my life!

[mezmaries]

thqnks for the help!!!

[densy88]

thank you. very very helpful.

[puritan10]

thank you,victoria.

you're really helping me.

my name is,dolly.

nice to meet you.

and yes,i am suffering.

i'll email you personally and tell you more about it.

thanx,again

[KarameloKaramelo]

@puritan10 be shy and love the world. shyness is not about introducing yourself with fear in a meeting. Shyness is an indicator that the meeting is hurting you. :) It is not your fault of suffering. Thank you for being you, puritan10! ...from an ex shy wanna be other dude. :)

[DudMan2111]

I practiced the breathing exercises throughout this video and I think it helped a little

[KarameloKaramelo]

@DudMan2111 yes, it helped here. realize what you are typing in here. breathing excersises is about relaxing/loosing the mind/thought. When you say 'I think it helped me'....well, that is a thought. It is like saying....I get what you are saying, videoposter. :) YOu just relax, be in the flow of shyness, shyness makes you meditative. That is what meditation is all about. You meditate when being shy (=alert of danger). be alert which is your real nature. :) shyness is loving you beyond words....

[bwammms982]

thank you for you for your videos on SA :)

[EmpressTiparah]

thank you so much

[xCxRxYxSxTxAxLx79]

Thanks. I will try these techniques.

[anniemohon]

Thank you so much. I watched another of your videos for the first time tonight and responded with an email asking if peers and bullying could be the cause of SA. Then, I saw this video, and you addressed the same. I am going to watch all your videos, and show my daughter your videos tomorrow. It may be a life-changing step for her. It is so crippling to have SA, and you are right. Their world gets smaller and smaller....maybe this will open up the world for her again!

[bettyshome123]

first day back at college with new class, the teacher wanted to do a 5 min introductory session all we had to do was say one interesting thing we did over the summer, and the last book we read. i had mine lined up but as my turn came about an overwhelming wave of panic came over me my heart rate went through the roof the more i tried to stop it the worse it became. I had to abruptly leave and couldnt go back. i can't see how ill tackle this, i can still feel the effects of it now. its so odd.

[xCxRxYxSxTxAxLx79]

@bettyshome123 I hate that - when teachers make you do things like that. It should be optional. Not everyone feels comfortable speaking in front of the class and for people with social anxiety, it can be traumatic.

[shawndonald78]

@bettyshome123 i know how you feel, in high school if there was any kind of assignment requiring a presentation i wouldn't even consider it.

[TheBeautyEverywhere]

Thankyou - very helpful!

[anthonyshock]

I've put this on my iPod! It's brilliant, I listen to it on the metro, the place wher emy anxiety is worst!

[ashle1244]

thank you so much BIG help!

[SpacyStacy32]

Thank you!

[jazziejay0918]

self conscious is whats make me feel shy

[gglaw42]

"Consistent humiliation in early childhood" is the root cause for me, 100 percent fact.

[kgpatrick21]

I was a shy kid all the way up till high school, then I blew up and was the most outgoing fellow you would ever meet. a lot of events occurred which led to me getting an apartment and getting a job, etc. I was absolutely framed and fucked over at work and now I cant be around anyone without feeling really weird and insecure. Can SAD just happen like that? if anyone wants to talk about this send me a message, please. Thanks.

[anniemohon]

@kgpatrick21 I truly believe it can happen overnight. Like PTSD, it was a traumatic event that was extremely stressful. You are distrustful and afraid of it happening again. My daughter is dealing with this, and she was always a little shy, and somewhat insecure, then started blossoming in junior high. A serious incident involving someone she trusted at school, who humiliated her, was the start of her social anxiety. I am so glad i found this therapist and her videos. She gives great adviice!

[reebok29]

@kgpatrick21 after reading your post i can see a similar situation has happened to me in which i was shy and quiet at school and then began a job for the first time (this was 20 years ago) im now 38 , and at this job i was singled out for being shy and a rookie ,so i developed a self defence of not giving a fuk , and being brash this never helped in the long run , as all it done was gloss over the what they allready thought about me and ive lost a few jobs since , id be pleased to talk about it

[naflodii]

common negative thoughts are;

everyone is watching - just look up and around and see it isn't so.

everyone is thinking less of me - probably not true

I might fall down and embarass myself - probably won't happen.

People can see I am shy - no they can't

People will think less of me if I appear shy - no they won't.

go over this list everyday and think about it. It should help a lot

[kimmijo]

Very helpful, thank you Victoria!

[BRONXPEPE]

when u feel u overcome these feeling they hit u out of nowhere n come back to u n u forget about what to do to relax urself with out panicing thanks for ur tips its good to have it on youtube with out paying so much out my pocket for the same information

[Mahhbadd]

This is amazingly true. I'm going to do this. Thank you.

[TheSuiChannel]

are your videos enough to help along with med

[splood5]

Thank you! You have no idea how much this video has helped me!!

[icemanspyda]

awesome awesome video. im thinking that after say a year or mayb even as little as 3-4 months of conciously breathing in the way victoria described in stressful/anxious situations, this will train yourself to this unconciously, perhaps this behaviour will be written into one's neuro pathways, semi-replacing old behaviour..... if you get me. can anyone answer this?

[dinodynamic74]

Thank you so much. I'm 16 and in highschool right now and everyday it's like a constant battle with myself. I've isolated myself to the point where I really have no one to talk to anymore. I almost lost it today and started to cry in the bathroom.. I can't handle being alone 24/7and knowing it's my fault because I'm that way and it sucks even more because I havent told anyone what I'm going through..

[antoniodalaniz]

I'm glad you have identified this in such an early age.

[MEbayB]

@antoniodalaniz

I've only just now discovered what has been perplexing me for so long, but I'm 54 and realize I've missed out on life and there's no changing that.

[naflodii]

get a therapist trained in CBT. They can cure you in 12 sessions.

[dinodynamic74]

I would but my parents don't believe I have social anxiety. They just think it's shyness and everytime I've told my mom all she could ever say back is "You will be okay, just stop being so insecure".. Social anxiety is just so misunderstood.. I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling to her convincingly..

[naflodii]

Tell them specifically how social anxiety impacts you such as you can't date or go to parties, or get a summer job. Tell them it's their job to raise you as best they can. Make sure you get a therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as that is the most effective treatment and few are properly trained in it.

[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

Try the book "Feeling Good" by Robert Burns. It's a self-help book on CBT. It worked for me. You can get for less than ten dollars at the bookstore. :)

[gordo33]

OH one thing I understand when u get the fear of SOC ANX it has actually saved me a couple times. My brain nerurons thinking so fast have actually gave me the reflexes i need to survive a fall i once had and also to run away from this guy but then again it makes u breath faster so u tire quickly lol.

OH but yea i get it sometimes just by a guy i met in college inviting me to a night club.(its weird i think he had bad intentions to do to me even though i barely met him.. ergghh my brain is dumb)

[gordo33]

To everyone even though we probably wont make it to perfect point were we would want to be at least it helps to try and go out and try and have fun sociallize at least a little.

Remember We may not be Perfect but then again WHO IS?

(LOL. NO ONE!)

[BleedingScarlet666]

I take fish oil it is the best. I might give some people headaches at frist (3 weeks tops) but its worth it 100 percent with anxeity

[gordo33]

Hey i take it too it helps omega3 is great and also try jogging or running cardio is really good

[Madame43]

I cried at school everydayby the age of 24 I started taking anti depression pills and they actually calmed me. I also started to meditate and I eventually gave up the pills, but sometimes I get scared that I might get anxiety again. I catch myself sometimes. I talk to myself in the mirror and tell myself that I can "DO IT" I can overcome this. For all of you out there YOU WILL OVERCOME this dont give up.  I learned that I wasted alot of my life being scared of something that was not there

[DankAznGoof]

This really helps me.

[TheHazcam]

I doubt I'll ever recover to be honest. On top of this I have problems of feeling inferior to others, low self-esteem and perfectionism and it leads to huge bouts of depression.

Sigh.

[mothernature44]

you must start to say to yourself...I can and I will ! eventually you will believe it ! good luck x

[Cavin21]

The thoughts may or may not be real, but you're still taking the risk.

[Revolt714]

wow, I hate having this fucked up disorder. I can't even talk to my own family like i used to. It really blowsssss

[Videomax4u]

Consistent humiliation in early childhood is a cause. If you were the center of attention and it was negative attention you will expect that same reaction as an adult.

Also overly critical parenting can set it in motion. Cognitive therapy is a powerful tool against it. Don't just talk to a friend or family member.

The person must be unbiased. The subconscious mind knows the difference. Find someone with empathy & understanding

[kapone815]

@Videomax4u your right because I got bullied so much when I was younger I think thats why I have social anxiety

[Trying2HelpUs]

You're a godsend Victoria. Thanks alot for your videos.

[SalutationToTheDawn]

I have to say, slow breathing really does help. I work in a busy coffee shop serving hordes of customers which, with social anxiety, means Im constantly stressing when I have to attend to HUGE queues. The other day was a particularly bad one; it was all getting a bit too much, and I just wanted to walk out. I remembered the deep breaths though, and even though I was still stressing, things were a lot less chaotic... NICE WORK! Thank you.

[capricious71]

"chemical imbalances causing cognitive distortions" is absolutely spot-on.

Great advice. Thanks.

[Luv4Learning]

Thank you, Victoria :). I am using these techniques, mostly the last two that you mentioned about noting when I experience SA and what I'm thinking at the time. I am also pushing myself to do things that I have been too anxious to do in the past.

One thing that you mentioned is being too dependent on others' opinions of what I'm doing. I notice that when I only consider my opinion, I feel SOOOO much better and freed from a lot of the anxiety :).

Thanks Again,

Colleen

[mryyan2000]

Thank you that really helped

[scruethedemiurge]

Thanks for the tips. All really good advice.

[Christopher711]

I got social phobia later in life.(At age27) but lack support really hurts me. Mostly , I just need the people around me to remind me that I can relate to others.

[exotic1881]

you exaclty descibed what i feel. I wish to find someone that can tell me in real life how they cope with SAD or anything about it really. I had't heard of it before or heard anyone mentioning it.

i thought i had depression but turns out it's a mild form of SAD.

[RedLion502]

well there are a lot of videos here on youtube made by people who are trying to overcome SAD, i can't think of too many right now but one is JanyFromKorea i think

[richards1986]

these tips are good, and such a selfless thing for you to do. but youll know as well as I that 8 minutes is not long enough and i must urge people to buy books associated with social phobia. some techniques work better than others, for example speak rational to myself never worked but looking outwardly rather than internally worked, and its not really possible to do both. thanks.

[Gone1984]

what about kava cool complex is that good?

[Metsada007]

Thank you so much for these tips.

[Emilyyyybemily]

thanks this helps but itts hard for me to do this when im with my friends. i woorry to much that they'll think im wierd. i end up worrying to much when the events taking place. iss there anyway i can think clearer when im with my friends. i miss having fun when im with them

[jellyblu]

i remember wanting to write you an email on this topic, but i can't remember if i ever sent it, as i was about to give up on the chunk i had started on...

anyway, thank you for posting this. i always beat up myself in disappointment because of the anxiety i feel...it's a destructive pattern for me, as i start to hate myself for being overwhelmed by the fear...to let it express itself as tensions in my body, which again makes my appearance awkward...

hopefully this will help me sort things out

[ssips720]

this vid was really helpful. I like the logging idea too, makes sense to keep track of the irrational thinking. its the only way to beat it

= )