Essentially Trans: HRT, Emotions, and Choice

[SilmarilUiMedb]

I'm not trans, but just wanted to say: thank you for posting that video. It's going to take me a while to process what I'm feeling right now, but . . . I get a real sense of freedom, compassion and courage from what you've said. Not sure if it's what you said or how you said it, but it's something hopeful, and I needed that!

[MrAustinHJ]

Do you think that going off t brought back the "feeling" of dysphoria, and not necessarily the dysphoria itself? You said that a lot of your feelings came back, I wonder if dysphoria is one of those feelings, just a negative one, you know? I felt like I lost feelings on t as well, some that I miss, however most of my life I had intense anxiety and dysphoria and those left with T too. Its definitely a trade off that we each have to weigh personally.

[RobGreatness]

Hi Everybody. Thank you again Charles for sharing . I am just returning to T (subQ) after having been not taking it for 4 mos. (I was originally on T(cream). There's a lot informing my body comfort and my social comfort and my spiritual comfort and it's good to acknowledge that T is not THE (continual) answer so much as a vehicle which may bring us to an answer.

Also, thank you for sharing your outdoor cartwheels..handstands? I smiled and wished I had some grass.

[ryanismyrealname]

1) sweet overalls

2) good for you for taking charge of what you want to experience. all of our experiences are so vastly different, if we don't do that then we're just riding a train with no track.

3) you are welcome to send me all of your yellow starbursts...

[youcancallmethedude]

Those are hard choices to make, I'm glad you are feeling comfortable and prepared to encounter them. I was off t for a month and felt horrible, drowning in emotions. I personally can't handle that, I make really bad decisions and act impulsively when I feel that way. It's good you have a healthier ability to handle the emotions. Best of luck on the continuing journey.

[megowaf]

Totally glad u made this vid. I have to write a paper tonight on gender issues. FML, OMG, HRT! this is gonna help

[XYinside]

Thanks for sharing Charles. I'm not on T but want to try it because I'm pretty sure it will help my anxiety about my body. I'm worried that I'll lose my abilty to be in touch with my emotions because I rely on them so much as well. I know I could always go off it if I don't like what I'm experiencing but it helps to know others feel similarly. If I decided to go off (once I'm even on) I know I'd question my decision in the first place and just feel confused and frustrated. Thanks again.

[BillyBarnacle]

your perspective always challenges me to think in new ways. Sometimes I find it scary to look this deeply into myself, but I thank you so much for reminding me to engage totally with this process and reflect on the choices i have made and continue to make in an active way. Your voice is a true gift to this community.

[buygreenbananas]

Heheh, I just came back here to say almost the same thing as @anotherloaner - I always love the music you put in your videos!

[bookishdandy]

I find it super interesting to contrast my experiences with yours. I'm not on T yet but as I have accepted myself as male, I've noticed a much deeper connection with my emotions. I actually cry or tear up quite often now whereas before my "gender realization" so to speak, I never cried. I've also become better at articulating my emotions and expressing my desires: be they playful or romantic or a dream. I've learned a lot about myself in the past year and it feels good.

[quesati]

carhartt overalls? youve captured my heart.

also WHAT ARE YOU DOING eating starburst? It is easter candy time! you are only to eat things shaped like eggs and bunniesssss

[videokidsam]

aw charlie! you are so happy in this video its contagious. :) i so appreciate how you are able to put into words these really tricky emotional issues. for me, i think i still feel the same, generally, but i am trying to stay aware of those kinds of shifts. i remember when you said you felt emotions in a way that was deeper/less accessible and its exciting to hear that you feel more connected to them now. HUG!

[dimidarko79]

cherry starburst are the best.

[infrequentvlogs]

I like @ 3:10 when you say your "on E" haha; I think that makes people do handstands, too.

[giftedboi]

I don't have many fully fleshed-out thoughts, but I'm really interested in your recent vlogs, because I'm a pretty average/"boring" FTM who went on testosterone and I'm feeling good, but I'm also definitely still learning and evolving. So, yeah... rock on and such! Also, you look fabulous in this video!

[Dash107]

In the end, there is no right or wrong way to be trans, it's all about finding your own identity and following a path that feels right to you.

[ufo8mykat]

You're so wonderfully powerful in your openness and exploration. I'm always glad to see your face.

[AveryBook]

Yellow is my favorite starburst flavor

[ZeBeFruity]

excellent. and nice handstands too.

[anotherloaner]

LUV YA- and the music in the beginning- I know its a lot to ask- but i wish you would make a playlist on Playlist.com- I just learned about it today and am still figuring it out. at first blush- it seems to be freakin Grreat.

[freshlycharles]

@anotherloaner 62 Million Years by Alexander!

[thatcrybaby]

DUDE U FUCKIN RULE

[postgender]

I understand this dilemma all too well. :( But I think it's totally normal and ok for people who are more genderqueer to frequently negotiate the hormone issue. It's a fluid process that is inevitably mediated by our social lives. Sometimes I tire of feeling like I'm in the no man's land (haha) between testosterone and estrogen, but then -- this does reflect my gender identity. xo

[tfpunk1979]

good Video.

[shanelliot]

So insightful! I really enjoy your videos. a lot. a lot. Thank you for sharing. xo

[laidbaqq]

I want my emotions back in "full color" too, but I'm afraid stopping T at this moment is not an option for me. Also, I'm glad you're sharing the emotional changes esp. how you experience it and where they originate, because while researching, I had never hear such things. Now that I've experienced and are still experiencing it, I wish I had known before to have been at least somewhat prepared. The most I got was, "I can't cry anymore", which I did experience but has since passed.

[freshlycharles]

@laidbaqq I think this is why I am glad that we are trying to find ways to talk about it here...so that at least there is something out there for other people starting transition in the future. I also can't wait to hear what they have to say. A lot of the time I trust what people have to say here because I see there words coming straight from their mouths rather than being contextualized (possibly incorrectly) in some article or book. Remember when we were just tiny mites back in the day? xo

[laidbaqq]

@freshlycharles I completely agree. lol heck yes. Oh, those were the days.

Its amazing how fast the community on youtube is growing and I love it. Finding younger T guys just a few years ago was a feat, now its almost harder to find the older guys!

[EllyMcCormack]

You're so fucking happy it makes me sick

[noorderloos]

great video Charles! it s always great to see someone making decisions and finding a way to deal with this dilemma best wishes  xx

[SELKILKT]

great and interesting vid ;)

[MainelyButch]

Love waking up to a new video from you!!!  What is that song at the beginning? You rock!!!

[YeOldeHeretic]

You are all kinds of awesome! :)

Laurel