You are right. No one is perfect & every parent makes mistakes, but on the other hand if the parent continues to portray themselves as being perfect & instead of admitting some things happened that shouldn't have an "I'm sorry" & an "I really love you." would go a long way to heal the situation. It isn't right in my own mothers case to look at me as if I am not perfect or good enough when I haven't made any of the enormous mistakes that she has. What I miss is who she never was to me, a Mom.
@dawnten Well, I don't know all you've been through, but the longer you hold on to anger, the more it eats you alive. If you're still on speaking terms with your mom, try to forget the past and build a new relationship with her. Sometimes parents just get lost in the whole deal of parenting. Holding on to the past just ruins everything. If you try a new relationship with her, and she stays the same, then you have your answer, but at least you tried, and that will give you peace of mind :)
I found this to be almost exactly what I'm going through right now. Only my situation involves grandchildren and I miss them terribly. I need someone to help me with this and I believe your videos might help. My situation is horrible and I don't know what to do. Please make more videos on this subject.
@crazy4bdd I sympathize with you. I too have grandchildren that I don't get to see. The only way I can deal with it and not lose my mind, is to simply accept what is and wish my children and grandchildren the best in life. I can't force the issue, so I get through knowing that in my heart I love them more than they will ever know. I tried to reconnect, to no avail, but at least I tried and I can live with that. Get on with your life, only you can make you happy, and you're worth being happy! :)
And let me guess, the 21 year old is the youngest? Of course he is easier, the older ones got the brunt of your parenting failures. He could see how the rebellious behavior of the older ones got them nowhere but into a shitty situation. Try to have some freaking patience. Not all kids can be easy you know.
@adamthefirstone He happens to have a genius level of intelligence. His ability to realize that people are human and don't do everything perfect, is something he applies to everyone, not just me. Because of this ability, he enjoys life to the fullest and everyone he meets adores him. He is kind, thoughtful, considerate, and full of forgiveness. These attributes have made his life wonderful.
I am an estranged adult child. You really aren't taking responsibility for your own actions. You obviously did not one, but a whole series of things to your daughter to make her not want to talk to you. The things you are asking for from your daughter she wants from you. You are not paying enough attention to who she is and not taking an interest in getting to know her. Stop trying to blame her for your parenting mistakes. Reach out to her with true love and acceptance and she may forgive you.
@adamthefirstone I find it interesting that you tell me to stop blaming someone, yet you are quick to blame with accusations of doing a "whole series of things" when you know nothing of my life or what attempts I have made. If you are an estranged adult child, maybe you need to accept your part in the relationship not working, as well. Children who blame their parents for everything, usually aren't opening their eyes to their part in the estrangement.
@nigella4me Nobody is that estranged from their parents for just one behavior. It is always a series of behaviors. And you are correct, that series comes from the child as well as the parent. But the parent is grown and has a responsibility to lead by example. If your daughter shows you anger and hate, it is because that is what you showed her. Your daughter came out knowing nothing and you taught her abandonment and separation by your own admission.
@adamthefirstone No one is perfect, be it parent or child. The whole story of my video is, if a parent has made attempts to rectify the situation, and the child insists on holding on to the past, then the parent must move on. Children who make their parents beg for forgiveness, are not mature yet, regardless of age. Maturity means, compromise, BOTH sides listening, and letting go of the past and creating a new relationship. Nowhere in my videos do I place blame, I simply talk about moving on.
@adamthefirstone And as for your statement of , "the things you want from you daughter she wants from you, " well, if that were true, she would have responded to my requests to talk and work things out, which she didn't do, therefore, as I state in my video, time to move on and have my own life. Parents can't pay attention and get to know an adult child if the child won't let them. It's a two way street, not a one way. I hope you realize that and try with your parents before it's too late.
@adamthefirstone One last comment. I have a 21 year old son who went through the same life as my other children, yet he is extremely mature and realizes that everything may not have been done and said perfectly, but that's because parents aren't perfect, they're human. I have an amazing relationship with him because of his ability to understand, forgive, forget, and talk things out, plus he's the most respectful, thoughtful, and caring human being. Very, very easy to be with.
I can't thank you enough for your video. I have been so depressed over my estrangement from my daughter and you have really enlightened me. I realize now that I have to move on.
@pam68327 You're so welcome. I too am estranged from my only daughter. I'vevtried to reconnect, but she just won't. I know it's hard, but, you have to realize, they are going on with their lives and we have to do the same. I wasn't a perfect person, as no one is, but I definitely know I'm not deserving of a chld deserting me. So, I go on and live my life. Yes, the pain pops up now and then, but, I deserve a life too, and I will live it as happily as I can. :) Love yourself and live life :)
Thank you for stating the truth. We have to move on, but so many parents are stuck and bringing themselves down with the constant "if" cycle. If we continue with that mentality we become "old biddy people" who become miserable people to be with.
@Thepeggy818 You are so welcome. It's been a struggle for me, but you DO have to move on. My dream of everything being great between me and ALL of my kids, just hasn't happened yet. So, I have to get on with my life as best I can. All I know, is that any adult child who condemns their parents relentlessly, better be perfect in every thing they say and do, otherwise, they're hypocrits. I have yet to meet any adult child that has been perfect throughout their life. Have a great holiday season:)
Thanks for the video. I am so heartbroken over the recent estrangement between me and my 21 year old daughter. Never saw it coming. I am having a hard time functioning. Do you know of any support groups in Albuquerque?
You are right. No one is perfect & every parent makes mistakes, but on the other hand if the parent continues to portray themselves as being perfect & instead of admitting some things happened that shouldn't have an "I'm sorry" & an "I really love you." would go a long way to heal the situation. It isn't right in my own mothers case to look at me as if I am not perfect or good enough when I haven't made any of the enormous mistakes that she has. What I miss is who she never was to me, a Mom.
dawnten 3 weeks ago
@dawnten Well, I don't know all you've been through, but the longer you hold on to anger, the more it eats you alive. If you're still on speaking terms with your mom, try to forget the past and build a new relationship with her. Sometimes parents just get lost in the whole deal of parenting. Holding on to the past just ruins everything. If you try a new relationship with her, and she stays the same, then you have your answer, but at least you tried, and that will give you peace of mind :)
nigella4me 3 days ago
Great advice, great video!!!!! Love all of your videos. Hope you make more on everything!!!!
gingersnaps52 3 weeks ago
@gingersnaps52 Thanks so much. I will start making more soon. Have a great weekend!
nigella4me 3 days ago
I found this to be almost exactly what I'm going through right now. Only my situation involves grandchildren and I miss them terribly. I need someone to help me with this and I believe your videos might help. My situation is horrible and I don't know what to do. Please make more videos on this subject.
crazy4bdd 1 month ago
@crazy4bdd I sympathize with you. I too have grandchildren that I don't get to see. The only way I can deal with it and not lose my mind, is to simply accept what is and wish my children and grandchildren the best in life. I can't force the issue, so I get through knowing that in my heart I love them more than they will ever know. I tried to reconnect, to no avail, but at least I tried and I can live with that. Get on with your life, only you can make you happy, and you're worth being happy! :)
nigella4me 1 month ago
And let me guess, the 21 year old is the youngest? Of course he is easier, the older ones got the brunt of your parenting failures. He could see how the rebellious behavior of the older ones got them nowhere but into a shitty situation. Try to have some freaking patience. Not all kids can be easy you know.
adamthefirstone 2 months ago
@adamthefirstone He happens to have a genius level of intelligence. His ability to realize that people are human and don't do everything perfect, is something he applies to everyone, not just me. Because of this ability, he enjoys life to the fullest and everyone he meets adores him. He is kind, thoughtful, considerate, and full of forgiveness. These attributes have made his life wonderful.
nigella4me 2 months ago
I am an estranged adult child. You really aren't taking responsibility for your own actions. You obviously did not one, but a whole series of things to your daughter to make her not want to talk to you. The things you are asking for from your daughter she wants from you. You are not paying enough attention to who she is and not taking an interest in getting to know her. Stop trying to blame her for your parenting mistakes. Reach out to her with true love and acceptance and she may forgive you.
adamthefirstone 2 months ago
@adamthefirstone I find it interesting that you tell me to stop blaming someone, yet you are quick to blame with accusations of doing a "whole series of things" when you know nothing of my life or what attempts I have made. If you are an estranged adult child, maybe you need to accept your part in the relationship not working, as well. Children who blame their parents for everything, usually aren't opening their eyes to their part in the estrangement.
nigella4me 2 months ago
@nigella4me Nobody is that estranged from their parents for just one behavior. It is always a series of behaviors. And you are correct, that series comes from the child as well as the parent. But the parent is grown and has a responsibility to lead by example. If your daughter shows you anger and hate, it is because that is what you showed her. Your daughter came out knowing nothing and you taught her abandonment and separation by your own admission.
adamthefirstone 2 months ago
@adamthefirstone No one is perfect, be it parent or child. The whole story of my video is, if a parent has made attempts to rectify the situation, and the child insists on holding on to the past, then the parent must move on. Children who make their parents beg for forgiveness, are not mature yet, regardless of age. Maturity means, compromise, BOTH sides listening, and letting go of the past and creating a new relationship. Nowhere in my videos do I place blame, I simply talk about moving on.
nigella4me 2 months ago
@adamthefirstone And as for your statement of , "the things you want from you daughter she wants from you, " well, if that were true, she would have responded to my requests to talk and work things out, which she didn't do, therefore, as I state in my video, time to move on and have my own life. Parents can't pay attention and get to know an adult child if the child won't let them. It's a two way street, not a one way. I hope you realize that and try with your parents before it's too late.
nigella4me 2 months ago
@adamthefirstone One last comment. I have a 21 year old son who went through the same life as my other children, yet he is extremely mature and realizes that everything may not have been done and said perfectly, but that's because parents aren't perfect, they're human. I have an amazing relationship with him because of his ability to understand, forgive, forget, and talk things out, plus he's the most respectful, thoughtful, and caring human being. Very, very easy to be with.
nigella4me 2 months ago
I can't thank you enough for your video. I have been so depressed over my estrangement from my daughter and you have really enlightened me. I realize now that I have to move on.
pam68327 3 months ago
@pam68327 You're so welcome. I too am estranged from my only daughter. I'vevtried to reconnect, but she just won't. I know it's hard, but, you have to realize, they are going on with their lives and we have to do the same. I wasn't a perfect person, as no one is, but I definitely know I'm not deserving of a chld deserting me. So, I go on and live my life. Yes, the pain pops up now and then, but, I deserve a life too, and I will live it as happily as I can. :) Love yourself and live life :)
nigella4me 3 months ago
Thank you for stating the truth. We have to move on, but so many parents are stuck and bringing themselves down with the constant "if" cycle. If we continue with that mentality we become "old biddy people" who become miserable people to be with.
Thanks Again!
Thepeggy818 4 months ago
@Thepeggy818 You are so welcome. It's been a struggle for me, but you DO have to move on. My dream of everything being great between me and ALL of my kids, just hasn't happened yet. So, I have to get on with my life as best I can. All I know, is that any adult child who condemns their parents relentlessly, better be perfect in every thing they say and do, otherwise, they're hypocrits. I have yet to meet any adult child that has been perfect throughout their life. Have a great holiday season:)
nigella4me 3 months ago
Thanks for the video. I am so heartbroken over the recent estrangement between me and my 21 year old daughter. Never saw it coming. I am having a hard time functioning. Do you know of any support groups in Albuquerque?
MSSMG55 6 months ago