Unlikely Things to Hear on a Train - Mock the Week, Series 9, Episode 9 Highlight - BBC Two

[StarcloudOfHeartclan]

hello. this is the train speaking. i know we're running a bit late, but dont worry, i know a shortcut.

[CCFCstormin]

some are not that funny.... fake laughing pisses me off a lot. Not the same without Frankie!

[animequeen20012003]

@CCFCstormin That's not fake laughing. That's an actual audience - you need to see the very beginning of every episode of Mock the Week.

[CCFCstormin]

@animequeen20012003 You've misunderstood me. You thought I meant someone editing laughs onto the show. What I actually meant was, yeah there is a live audience but most of the jokes weren't that funny in my opinion and seemed to be forced laughter. Force laughter being fake laughing at a joke when you don't find it funny, just trying to laugh to make it not awkward for that person, especially well known comedians and stand ups who come on a great show like this and it's their job to get laughs.

[TheHoopsWoops]

OMG DEMENTORS ! xD

[blindsightedkill]

I think I got one

"You are now arriving in America. How the hell did you get here on a train?"

[Bessiee93]

Milton's "hello, this is the train speaking" made me laugh so much! :L

[greenguerrilla]

1:33. Nice one!

[docdoom44]

Guy in purple v neck is russel Kane

[perfacetus]

How did no one say "all trains are running on time"

[dambusta2]

i was certain there would be a thomas reference in there somewhere

[KeithG5558]

RAPE TRAIN

[MagePerform]

No Russel or Frankie? WTF is the point in this?!

[TheCelloMan100]

@MagePerform I guess Russel and Frankie were busy that week, as for the point of the video, the other comedians are quite funny in their own rights

[MagePerform]

@TheCelloMan100 I agree, they are very funny but Russel and Frankie are the stars of the show in my opinion :P

[XxGrApHiiCzZ]

@MagePerform I'd say Hugh Dennis is the funniest :]

[lucymango123]

@XxGrApHiiCzZ Milton Jones for the win.

[SammmyNan]

Sorry for not knowing his name, but who's the dude in the purple V-neck? He looks like he just hit his mid life crisis and stole his son's clothes!

[mouldyteabag]

@SammmyNan Don't know who he is, but my GOD he looks stupid.

[ecousins01]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IS THERE IS SOMEONE ON THE PHONE FOR MR MCMAHON

FROM MISS DIXIE CARTER

[ManeringMr]

10 people don't have a sense of humor

[christiewalker92]

south west trains would be a lot more bareable with hugh dennis on the announcements

[Tigathee]

I was on the train the other day, and the announcement said "This train is now arriving at London Waterloo. Contrary to popular practice, this train is on time. Sing and dance on your way to work."

[SMALTV]

the best thing is at 0:10 it's a false fact :D

[ambertwilight99]

I like trains

[scottwlfc]

"We are glad to inform you that the train heading for Birmingham on platform 4 is actually on time"

[matrixphijr]

Just when I thought Andy was going for a cheap laugh by riding Hugh's joke, he flipped it and made it surprisingly funny.

By the way, who's the Scottish guy? His were good.

[squii28]

0:17 he didnt throw himself under the train. he just yelled "I LIKE TRAINS" and it appeared

[h1estify]

@squii28 unfunny.

[squii28]

@h1estify fuck off. hows that for funny?

[h1estify]

@squii28 don't take offence to the fact you don't have a sense of humor

[matrixphijr]

@h1estify That was actually moderately funny. Stop being a prick.

Besides, you're the one who said it wasn't funny. Who doesn't have a sense of humor again?

[h1estify]

@matrixphijr why would saying "i like trains" make a train run someone over; if that is "moderately funny" to you i think you should just eleminate yourself fromthe gene pool

[matrixphijr]

@h1estify I think you should first learn to spell 'eliminate' and then get a fucking life. You obviously don't understand the reference, and I'm not going to try to help you by explaining it since you're bent on acting like a prick.

[h1estify]

@matrixphijr explain the reference; if it even is one, which i doubt. And i'm the one which sould get a life, your page is full of brony shit; that stuff is for children.

[matrixphijr]

@h1estify Sorry, all I heard was this repeated 'derp' sound.

[h1estify]

@matrixphijr sory, all i heard was the repeated sound of your virginity.

[matrixphijr]

@h1estify You're hearing it because it's coming from your mom's room. Why don't you go in there and grab it for me?

Actually, forget it. I'll just lose it again.

[h1estify]

@matrixphijr if my "mom" is a virgin i must be jesus.

[matrixphijr]

@h1estify I'm arguing with an idiot.

[h1estify]

@matrixphijr you're arguing with Jesus.

[squii28]

@h1estify asdf movie, by TomSka...oh and for the record dont give shit to someone when you dont even know the referance

[h1estify]

@squii28 a youtube video is hardly a pop-culture reference, preagmatically for this situation it seems like a bad reference to make, although fair enough.

[squii28]

@h1estify asdf movie.. watch it then apologise

[giggsa]

andy pasons on fire in this one and I usually don't like him much

[MrDuckKiller52]

kevin bridges...<333 fucking legend

[SuperPorkyPiggy]

hello this is the train lol best part

[draculon5]

is it me or is mock the week shit now that Frankie and Russel have left?

[xXDinoman1997Xx]

@draculon5 Probably. A lot of people miss Frankie's dark jokes and Russel's sexual jokes. I don't mind to be honest. Because Mock the Week would be absolutely nothing if Andy Parsons and Hugh Dennis left.

[eleanor7]

@xXDinoman1997Xx Yeah I miss Frankie and Russel too. But the main thing I like about Mock the Week is how it's a bunch of different comics all rolled up into one great show.

[Selinor578]

what's that tiny dot that keeps appearing randomly in these and other comments?

[SultanMalefor]

Thanks to the 8 who didn't like for making the bar look like a lit joint x)

[Imagine727]

imagine if the guy with the unkempt hair was normal...

[Selinor578]

@Imagine727 His name is Milton Jones. I don't understand what you mean by your comment.

[Imagine727]

@Selinor578 Just one of my trademark "imagine" comments.... imagine if you already knew that...

[DumbassBoiis]

@Imagine727 Milton is normal... There is nothing unusual about him. He has messed up hair and a funny voice because its more humourific

[Anoukvdp1996]

really? no Hogwarts jokes?

[FourSabres]

Unlikely things to hear on a train?

"We are due to arrive at London Victoria ON TIME."

[kepone405]

A warning for those travelling to Hogwarts today are advised to wait till next Thursday, there appears to be an error with the wall

[SpartanStig117]

we are pleased to announce that this train is about to depart on time

[tanakajoe369]

@2:00 LMFAO!!!!

[purplehyppofilms]

Love Andy's little jump at the end!

[ThatGuy1509]

I don't find Milton Jones funny at all.

[dointhebiz]

@ThatGuy1509 Because you have no soul.

[cornishphilosopher]

The train now standing at platforms 6,, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12

has come in sideways

[ricardomaritza1]

wat is that guy wearing, is he gay or straight,, jesus lol

[Satur1n]

@ricardomaritza1 Because his clothes tell you his sexuality, of course.

[londongamer]

Still not worth the fucking Licence Fee you bunch of Zionist pricks, (BBC). Hey, Thompson, go fuck yourself, prick. Earn your income like the other broadcasters. Asshole.

[stalhein61]

Yes! Finally, a Sheffield joke.

[XboxArcher]

is it just me or are all of Milton Jones' shirts really abstract?

[FlameFeathers]

@XboxArcher yes

[judoka713]

Is this platform 9 3/4? Where am I going?

[ironmaidenrlz1]

how did none of them go for something like this isnt a public annoucment only you can hear me

[18vallancel]

@ironmaidenrlz1 Hugh Dennis did that exact joke on "worst thing to hear over a tannoy system"

[jeffdachef75]

I wish andy parsons would get replaced that baldheaded twat isnt and never will be funny,his voice also pisses me off...

[xXDinoman1997Xx]

@jeffdachef75 Why? Andy Parsons is awesome. I love his bald head.

[RichardMisiak]

milton's is one of the funniest thing's i've ever heard 

[LegalVampire]

I should do work now, but what am I going to do next? MOAR CLIPS

[JamesGuitarNub]

Am I the only one who found a way to not have the comments spoil the video? Turns out you have to watch the video and then you look at the comments. Genius eh?

[haz464]

@JamesGuitarNub Mind blown

[strethy]

dunno why people complain about people repeating the jokes, watch the video and then read the comments, its very simple

[silarnon]

@strethy Because the top favourited comment is usually visible, unless you are watching this with very low resloution.

[greatfelixo]

personal belongings one is easily the best

[ezgftt]

Far better to vote comments down than try to fill the top comments with something else

[mrtheaddictedone]

press 1 and 9 quickly

[timetableguy]

PRESS 7 AND 9 REALLY QUICKLY :D

[Lrdvltr]

BBC is shit.

[iamadramaqueen96]

Russell Kane WHJBFAKLSJDBFASKLJDF

[McGeezle]

@OGRory Who in the right mind would scoll down if they don't want anything spoilt?

[McGeezle]

@emoscreamogal123 Russell Kane

[Joppsta360]

Hilarious that they say it on Mock the Week, it's okay, but if Jeremy Clarkson says it in much the same way (trains and people suiciding) he gets his balls chewed.

[hotelmario510]

@Joppsta360 I wouldn't even mind, but there's something seriously wrong with this country when 5000 FUCKING PEOPLE complained about an off-hand remark. It's scary.

[Joppsta360]

@hotelmario510 Political correctness is bullshit. People should be allowed to express the right to freedom of speech, only when preaching hatred should a line be drawn. Mocking cultures and foreign people in general is usually tongue-in-cheek.

Hatred is the only thing that should not be allowed yet we have extremists sponging off tax payer's money ... but oh god Jeremy makes a joke about India and the MPs are on him... while this fucker's busy promoting KILLING OF PEOPLE.

It's fucking stupid.

[hotelmario510]

@Joppsta360 I agree, political correctness is utter bollocks. You're not allowed to say anything any more in case you hurt a person's feelings.

[niclasjt]

@Joppsta360 @hotelmario510 You can go ahead and say whatever you want. People will just like you less because it's not a great move being an insensitive bastard. It's not like if you have a problem with women, minorities or foreign people they're going to throw you in jail. Most of us will just rightly know not to associate with you or worry about your opinion too much. 'Political correctness' is known in the rest of society as 'how-not-to-be-a-dick.'

[liranel1]

Hugh Dennis's timing is perfect :D

[rankore]

I had a joke about disasters involving trains...but I didn't want to wreck it.

[DoodDC1]

The train has arrived safely on time!

[3eyedwarr]

kevin bridges LEGEND

[TheClaudHamilton]

Here's one that that might work for this one; "We apologise for the astronomical delay to this service; this was caused by poor scripting on the part of HiT Entertainment."

[SkrateBeastin]

"Hey soul sister..."

[MrMikeJkay]

"We have now arrived into Birmingham new street, we are pleased to inform any passengers wishing to change for Wolverhampton that there's a JD's sports opposite the station"

haha it's soo true and im from round that area too haha :'D

[ProfPlatinum]

Hugh Denis is an anagram of...Jesus christ.

[P2J6O8]

Our apologies for the delay, unfortunately the fat controller has fucked up the schedule yet again

[frozenflameJB]

I once heard an announcement on the train: "Please take note that if you stand over the yellow line and get hit, the train will suffer no damage whatsoever"

[MultiFredisdead]

i heard an unlikely thing on the train , then i got an arrow to the knee

[peetahp3]

@MultiFredisdead The only thing funny about that is the fact you managed to fuck up at remembering a simple sentence.

[LuJia84]

@JokerVMe I suppose Dara doesn't count then? :P

[rjmurphyman]

8,7,6,7,8,8,8 7,7,7 8,8,8 8,7,6,7,8,8,8 7,7,8,7,6 Is Mary Had A Little Lamb

[aureusyarara]

@rjmurphyman between the thumb-up button and the thumb-down one, there should be a ?-button.

[rickibrereton]

@bl00dl33t He's that mushy faced boxer from manchester...

[Blink182Rule2]

Who is the guy that cracks the Ricky Hatton joke?

[StonedHedgehogFilms]

@Blink182Rule2 Kevin Bridges

[bl00dl3tt]

@Blink182Rule2 Who is Ricky Hatton? Heard of him but I can't remember who he is

[chrono1217]

Can't believe Kevin Bridges is only 25. He looks way mature than that

[mattmufan]

Unlikely thing to hear on a train?

An over-the-top racist outburst?

[sagopakajmer6868]

@mattmufan beat me to it :D

[DANNYH8497]

@mattmufan You mean a tram

[inevercouldknow]

@mattmufan *BLEEP*...sorry, i'm in America (talk about censoring the internet!)

[ihatevulcan]

@mattmufan Thats right. It was a tram ;)

[amyloo3]

press 6,7,8,7,6,7,8,9

[triproductions515]

keep pressing 4

[SIIMIPO]

Keep hitting 8 for sex noise

[bigphilscholarii]

Isnt half as funny now frankie and russel have left

[mossy121c]

Press f13 for HD

[EnglishMicRipper]

The awkward moment when both the top comments are about moments that are awkward

[MuseFan777]

Andy Parsons and Milton Jones WIN!!!!

[e2number1]

Hot food is now availible, because the bufet car is on fire

[samthepsycicclam]

The awkward moment when the awkward moments come together to create another awkward moment which then combines with a completely separate awkward... aw fuck this I'm gonna get a beer!

[bearsam23]

awkward..

[Blink182Rule2]

If it was Lee Evans, Frankie Boyle and Hugh Dennis, that would be my dream team.

[SaluteToYou]

@Blink182Rule2 YES. :D

[LisaB976]

the moment when Milton Jones walks to the mic and you know something amazing is going to be said.

[JadeC95]

@TheToffeesrule Russell Kane :)

[TheToffeesrule]

00:48 the bloke with purple teeshirt. who is he

[OmNomNommingOnSouls]

I like trains.

=D

[RandomBenie]

the awkward moment when everyone starts to make awkward moment jokes about the two awkward moment joke top comments then realising i have made things even more awkward becuase the comment under me is also an awkward moment joke.

[RabidDog22]

@sockmonsters123 Yo dawg, I heard you like akward moments...

[SuperKleeneze]

i like it when they link jokes together

[helgaedm]

Oh. That last one was just brilliant!

[Sheepshooter11]

@deadrevenge6666 - no

[deadrevenge6666]

Right, both top comments are the same. Also shit. Can I have it?

[IzPk]

@deadrevenge6666 Getting the top comment is no accomplishment what so ever, unless you have low self esteem.

[Cardien18]

i hate how that guy from outnumbered takes soo long to step away from the mic! lol

[Blink182Rule2]

Hot food is now available, because the buffet car, is on fire.

[TheUltimateMEH]

The awkward moment when both top comments are the same

[danwarren97]

My own:

"There is now Brothel Class available."

[1AndOnlyRyan]

The awkward moment when the top comments are both "The awkward moment..." jokes.

[diazonia896]

lol there actually IS a JD sports just nearly opposite new street!

[Klidkela]

The awkward moment when....OH FUCK IT!

[iamadramaqueen96]

RUSSELL KANE AND RUSSELL HOWARD!! <3

[dogzout]

There isn't a JD Sports opposite New St!

[abthenoob]

it woulda been funny if at the end instead of Andy saying wat he said he said "this is the driver contacting the guard... I'm a celebrity get me outa here!" dont u think?

[con271scouse]

2:30 vampire

[JimBigJam]

im from sheffield woo woo

[CastielsDisciple]

Unlikely Things to Hear on a Train

Al-qudia!!!

[IrishLegend09]

@CastielsDisciple its Al Qaeda actually

[CastielsDisciple]

@IrishLegend09 i don't care..troll..why do you want to correct me..are u a member?

[rossi1234511]

i was on the train the other day, imagining the announcer person actually saying that

[havoc697]

The arkward moment where you want to quote a joke