Added: 1 year ago
From: davidmitchellsoapbox
Views: 132,640
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  • God I love him...hahah

  • but you only need to attend luggage on the platforms..

  • It's actually quite simple. Remove all seats from the carriage, then people who have luggage can sit on that. People with out s(u)itable - see what I did there? - luggage can be herded into a carriage like cattle. Also you can stop heating the trains then, because bodyheat will heat them for you. And if you have to piss? Well pal, you should have brought an extra bag for that.

  • Do they not allow you to check your luggage on English trains?

  • thumbs if you used the space time continuum to get here? =]

  • Hehehe... piss.

  • Tie it to your wrist, then place it at the end of the isle.

  • awsome

  • like if you knew he was talking about virgin all along

  • If it's your property, it's not your FAULT if one's stuff is stolen, but you should have some responsibility. Now, if it's a school and I break myself for climbing a tree, that's my fault for taking the risk for climbing a tree, and I wouldn't sue you anyway because you had nothing to do with the tree, or my climbing it thereof. Sorry that last part is personal.

  • he is genuinely annoyed by this.

  • So He makes the statement that trains are more efficient then cars, and then goes on to list all the reasons why they aren't.

  • @titaniumslug god your an idiot, he means environmentally efficient you dumb ass.

  • @potenttokin I think you mean: "God! You're an Idiot!". And to counter your point: Lancaster University research found that if you are journeying from Edinburgh to London by standard Intercity train with all the seats taken, you will be using slightly more fuel per passenger - about 11 litres of fuel per passenger compared to about ten litres - than you would if you made the same journey by car, with all the seats occupied. So blow my shit, scum fuck!

  • @titaniumslug well played, i can admit defeat, school me bro.

  • @potenttokin but why did you capitalise the 'I' of 'idiot' ?

  • @potenttokin Ha Ha, Thanks. Although to be fair he did specify environmentally efficient in the other video but it was convenient for me to ignore that, so you were't wrong in pointing that out. So my counter was really to his point not yours. But "Your an idiot" is just a classic school boy error that is too easy to take advantage of. But yeah, the I of idiot probably should be lower case. I guess it just seemed "capitally".

  • I take it he didn't enjoy his holiday

  • Great stuff!

  • Inhaling .too much. carbon. dioxide. breathe. need too. breathe. too funny

  • this is awesome! as someone who as travelled the British Islands as a tourist, mostly by train, I've always wondered about exactly the things David is ranting about in this and the previous one.

  • YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!­!! Sock it to em David!!!!

  • where the hell is he?

  • I'll bet he did say that to some poor, confused public servant.

  • I wish I could use text speak in text messages. But I can't, I see the value in it, quick, efficient and useful. "c u l8r"

    But ever since my first phone, I've always typed like this. Sometimes I even waste money by sending a second message with a correction of grammar or spelling.

    It's when it becomes a disadvantage. Need to train the mind to accept text speak.

    Someone I know uses ridiculously enigmatic text speak, which I actually enjoy, because I have to decipher it.

  • @mickthekindstranger I agree meh

  • Last weekend, coming home from london, there weren't any luggage racks at the end of the carriage at all! I had to use the cycle spaces because i had 3 enormous bits of luggage. Utterly, utterly ridiculous.

  • @TheSobek Yeah, I'm a cretin for needing a comfortable way to carry my textbooks into college

  • ive booked a train journey at the end of this month to london and since booking it i have been increasingly anxious about where, or even if i should leave my luggage in a place where i possibly might not be able to keep an obsessive eye on it at all times during my long journey. of course, i am traveling from yorkshire; a place where the very idea of a locomotive (let alone a wheely suitcase) is widely seen as confusing, modern, and unnecessary. (transport via mule is preferred.)

  • The luggage bay is obviously the exception to the rule. DUHHH

  • My love for this knows no bounds.

  • Get a back pack mate! Suit cases are strictly reserved for 'special people'.

  • It's not even like the place to put luggage is big enough for any more than 3-4 people's luggage which is definitely not the number of people in a carriage on a train. We need more space! And I have had to do the climbing over people's luggage thing before, with my own luggage, twas not fun

  • Absolutely scathing.

  • youtube adds are getting really fucking annoying

  • 1:55-3:02. I literally laughed straight through this entire bit, and then when it was over realised I hadn't heard half of it because I was laughing straight through it.

  • dear david

    i will look after your luggage whenever your on the train yours sincerely that random person on youtube

  • u know what peeves me off? It took me 15 mins to load this hilarious 3 minute video, because Talktalk provide an inferior service for extortionate prices. My face was as irate as mitchells'. >:-|

  • @AerynRavanna Are you sure it's not your PC? I'm on talktalk and it's quick as a flash, at least now I've got my new laptop it is.

  • this is hilariously accurate

  • he wears red for the green sreen

  • @colashanacogh Actually he said he wears red because he can. He talked about it in the one video where he was wearing a blue shirt (the Extreme Makeover one). He just stuck with it because he records several at a time, and it makes it easier.

  • Genius

    

  • His delivery is absolutely perfect (I'm thinking "who'd have thought it?" and "What??...this massive cube of clothes, toiletries and electronics... etc.". This is so funny, intelligent (sword of Damocles) and so relevent to life!

    Thank you again for making another 3 minutes of my life very worthwhile and thoroughly entertained.

  • David Mitchell is a genius but it makes me so bitter having to sit through adverts for a shit hollywood movie and a fucking shampoo advert before i can watch 3 minutes of him. Stop selling out youtube!!

  • @nickadamgu You think that David Mitchell does these for free out of the goodness of his heart? No, he's payed to do them with the advertising revenue. Get over it.

  • @nickadamgu - Yes because thats how economics works. YouTube should provide its services for free instead of paying for it with advertising. Perhaps you wish to introduce a computer licence like the BBC to pay for YouTube? Do you work for free? Thought not.

  • @WillShakespeare2007 It's amazing how stupid and ungrateful, people can be. Youtube is doing their best to provide a free service at minimum inconvenience to the user (ads only last about 20 seconds and many allow you to skip the ad after about 5 seconds), and this guy wants them to feather his own selfish nest.

  • @mackat4ck no harm in learning to tune them out. i must admit, i dont like obnoxious adverts myself, advertising things i really dont want and no amount of advertising will convince me to buy what i dont want or need. i hate being told what i need or want by adverts, when i know myself, i clearly dont....so, ignoring them is the next best thing.

  • Ha, I use German and Dutch trains. Oh, the efficiency...

  • The angrier he gets the funnier he gets.

  • (continued from post below) ...They wanted to charge me a handling fee. If I had "lost" it or stepped off the train, stupidly, without it then I may have been tempted to pay. I was less polite than David Mitchell. I accused them of theft and told them if they did not release what was rightfully mine I would consider it stolen property and would inform the police as much. They released the luggage.

    Public transport in this country is staggeringly incompetent. I hate buses.

  • I went to the toilet and a little later noticed my luggage was gone. A guard had moved it. Of course I thought it had been stolen especially after I had run the length of the train twice and banged on the guards door without answer. I missed my stop and reported it to the police. Gone was all my stuff including the suit I was going to wear for a wedding. It turned up a few months later at London Victoria lost property. I hardly have to mention the time, money and inconvenience in cost me....

  • Oh my gosh, I can sooo relate! A few months back I was visiting England from America. I took the train from Gatwick to St. Albans in the morning. The train was so full that I had to stand right next to my large suitcase and keep on moving so people could get on and off the train! I was so tired and punch drunk that I was sure I was going to collapse! Aghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

  • lol I gotta say I zoned out on this one Dave, your verbosity can be amusing but it an also become aurally cumbersome at times.

  • This is the best one, I was literally suffocating with laughter.

  • DAVID MITCHELL FOR PRIME MINISTER! A PRIME MINISTER WHO ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS THE GREAT BRITISH PUBLIC! DEFINATELY HAS MY VOTE! and no its not wrong to have a crush on him *wink wink*

  • oh i so hope next time he goes on the train he takes a lawyer with him and does all this

  • This had me in tears. David at his finest.

  • best one! :)

  • What size of bag is he carrying about thats the same weight as him?

  • @tippohat Shipping container!

    WAHEY!

  • I just took a drink right before the toilet part. I am fortunate that both my computer and myself survived.

  • The funniest one I've seen so far.

  • He should be ranting about the assholes who feel the need to sue someone because their shit was stolen.

  • @brandonplaysguitar16 or how donkeyholes doesn't actually make any sense

  • He is gaining weight again.

  • David, I love you and your rants a whooole lot, but I think that bulldog in the beginning might be trying to steal your spotlight...its just too damn adorable, even someone as charming as yourself can't compete.

  • i like the use of the Tangerine Dream soundtrack bit here.

  • I love this series

  • On SouthEastern I am thanked for my 'coopeartion' and informed if I see anything suspicious to report it 'immediatelly'.

  • With you in spirit David, but this one's not quite accurate. The rail company has no liability for lost or stolen items to begin with, so need make no announcement to waive its liability. I'm sure what's actually going on is that (just as with the announcement to make sure you haven't forgotten anything before disembarking) they have found this announcement reduces lost property by a measurable percentage. And I'm sure dealing with the hundreds of lost items they find every day is a headache.

  • @aboylegolcom That's absurd, the company has no liability when their faultily designed compartments allow people steal belongings that have been placed in trust? That's criminal.

  • Are we supposed then to take a bicycle into the small, round (and rather smelly) onboard lavatory?

  • 0:19 to skip ad

  • Reminds me of when I took the tube from Heathrow to somewhere near Piccadilly during the morning rush-hour. I tried tucking the suitcase under my legs, but it made my legs stick out and block the aisle, so I sat in lotus-position on top of it for about an hour (or something) while the other commuters glared at me.

  • Please, marry me.

  • hahaha dave your ad from google is suitcases!

  • Thanks David, have a good day.

  • Swoon . . .

  • That was intense.

  • @TheGearsKeepTurning It's probably sad that you come here to brag about it. But I'm just a lowly unknown peasant. What would I know?

  • nice fume

  • @XArcane Evidently, people do care. He obviously does. He's ranting about things that he wants to rant about, not what will please you.

  • @XArcane i care

  • the 8 people who disliked this are train drivers!

  • @hmfrx I doubt train drivers much like hearing that same mono-tone line every 20-30 minutes either to be honest.

  • @hmfrx And the 8 people who agreed with your comment implies that the train drivers are very honest.

  • @hmfrx Who shouldn't respect you because you won't acknowledge, or actually don't know, that they are called conductors. Train drivers, what are you, a ninny?

  • @hmfrx 14, they've got the bus drivers on side now.

  • @Greig300 he isn't a prick, you are. but that was funny too, so we'll all forget about you being a prick

  • @HauKai I can't forget!!

  • David have you been using that bulldog cream? I cant take you seriously if you have cheeks smoother and more creamier than kylie minogue's arse.

  • I'm bewildered as to why a bad David Attenborough impression would make me want to buy male grooming products.

  • he IS right

  • how many times have they mentioned about the 3D episode and out of what percentage that watch these videos are likely to buy their product just to get the glasses to "fully appreciate" the one video of him ranting?

  • I like it! Hope he takes something for his blood pressure though (course, he is only acting I guess)

  • "Sling it out of the window on a bit of string!" - I lost it right there.

  • As soon as he mentioned overhead luggage, I thought of the Sword of Damocles - and lo, he promptly referenced that very same mythical implement of terror! I would have fallen in love with him at that very moment, if I hadn't done so long ago...

  • Hilarious when he is fuming, like the peep show

  • Jessi Slaughter here. I'M BACK BITCHES!!!!!!

  • Arghh I can't stand those god awful "Bull Dog" sponsors at the beginning of David's excellent rants.

    He should be sponsored by Truefitt & Hill, or Geo F Trumper. They're far more in line with David's tastes and style I assume rather than that awful bulldog.

  • Personally I wouldn't want him to be a PM or any politician for that matter. They tend to bore me to sleep. Also, would be a waste of talent really.

  • I was thinking exactly the same thing yesterday on the way home from Stansted. And just to avoid being hassled by security guards I did take my suitcase into the toilet cubicle with me. Bastard nonsensical regulations.

  • as a train using commuter, I have LOVED these last couple of Soapboxes...lol... :D ..

  • Why isn't he PM?

  • But at 1:37 he explains why they do it. Which makes perfect sense.

  • @GoodFoShizzle so it's still unfair and unworkable for the passenger

  • @255ad Unfair? Not really. I don't think fairness comes into this. Unworkable? Well it's not they just leave the stuff where it's supposed to go. Like you park your car in a a car park, where it's supposed to go. There's still signs up saying they can't be held responsible.

  • DAVID MITCHELL FOR PRIME MINISTER!

  • David, you are a legend!

  • a bit like a milder version of DrinkingWithBob

    David for PM!

  • congratulations david mitchell... for being confirmed to serve on the US SUPREME COURT!

  • Only 2 train workers watched this video ;D

  • Two people dislike!! What???

    I don't get it, what's not to like. The man speak nothing but the truth.

  • buy a car david

  • Although I've loved his videos uptil now, this one is the first that is just positively childish.

    He must be running out of ideas...

  • WOW, one person unliked this :S

  • @dazious1 one person is unliked

  • @dazious1 Richard Branson?

  • @TheOrphanStomper

    fixed ;)

  • I am definitely saying that the next time I have to lug a heavy suitcase onto a train and hear the inevitable announcement.

  • Brilliant, just brilliant!

  • BRILLIANT!!!!

  • thumbs up if you're the 305th viewer

  • This reminds me of when I was travelling from Sheffield to Lincoln (a route that is the epitome of what David has been talking about on these videos) after a particuarly gruelling transatlantic flight, and there was no baggage space at the end of the carriage whatsoever, because the trains on that route are extremely old, so I actually put my massive suitcase on the seat next to mine for the duration because there was literally nowhere else to put it.

  • I think I've got a man-crush on Dave Mitchell. Is that wrong?

  • @artstuX not if you're gay.....

  • @mrbeanaswell

    No, I'm straight as a die.

    Or so I thought...

  • @artstuX everyone does, hes just a sexy man

  • @artstuX It is SO right!

  • @artstuX So wrong it's right. =]

  • @artstuX

    As mitchell would maybe say,you dont have to fancy a man to like him,whats wrong with just good old fasioned respect.

  • @artstuX YES

  • @artstuX not if your gay

  • @artstuX Nah, baby. It's all good ;)

  • @artstuX not to me.. I have a full on woman crush on him.. hes awesomeness incarnate.

  • I worry he's going to mess himself during one of these.

  • I love it how the advert next the this video is for luggage

  • "Aaah, I've missed your Angry Logic, David!" ~ Stephen Fry

  • @JDLupus Whats that quote from? Is it off something i can watch? :}

  • @crazytosh1 It was from QI. The latest series, I think...

  • @JDLupus Two of my all time faves!

  • @SinclairSaucer this, just so I can shake his hand and nod in respect

  • From the smell of most carriages, a lot of people really do p*** where they sit.

  • it actually continued lol. Great rant

  • hahahaaha golden

  • Lol, went to London yesterday and got moaned at by the train guard for leaving my bag for a minute whilst I went to the loo.

  • @masteryoung You could be a terrorist for all you know!

  • if dave had a tv programme of him just moaning for half an hour, i would watch it every week.

  • Why is David Mitchell advertising moisturiser? I mean, he is very funny and all, but not exactly the obvious choice of face for a moisturiser Ad campaign. Robert Webb looks much better moisturised.

  • Nice work of fiction for everyone knows David is chauffeur driven. He's probably only observed trains at a distance.

  • @BSEmadcow I highly doubt that, even if it were the case today I'm sure he used the train when he was an amateur/student... Or when he has relatives to visit on the other side of Britain?

  • @Henners1991 I think BSEmadcow means because David has a bit of a reputation of being very posh not that now hes famous hes too important to use trains.

  • @BSEmadcow everyone knows he takes taxis and trains everywhere because he dosent want to learn to drive. he dosent even own a car much less a chauffeur to drive it for him. still lives in a crappy flat as well according to him and his friends.

  • Best Soapbox ever.

  • David makes me laugh so much! i hope this carries on FOREVER! :D

  • i do want someone to do something about the trains. making it legal to set fire to rail company executives would be a useful start

  • brilliant as ever! keep climbing the soapbox mr Mitchell!

  • oh this has to be the best one yet. 

  • Option 1:

    Make ur own glasses for free with plastic packaging, a red marker pen, and a blue marker pen.

    Option 2:

    Buy some shitty product from a company that puts the ads at the start at MUCH TOO LOUD A VOLUME!!!!!

  • AngryDavidIsAngry

    :u

  • LOL..hahaahha i'd love to share a train with David Mitchell