Why I Don't Watch CSI

[lso5027]

Clearly you guys just don't have 400 megapixel cameras with six foot lenses as security cameras. PSHH grimey 99%rs over here. Gross. How do you even afford internet.

[NarkoHunt]

I'm thinking about doing some peeping, but there are no hot chicks around here... Oh wait! I'll just use Hollywood!

*Takes picture out my window*

*zoom* *zoom* *rotate around tree* *zoom* *zoom* *curve around axis of the earth* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *zoom* *enhance* *zoom* *enhance*

Alright! The playboy mansion!

[a1ethioS]

Wow. I had no idea the show was actually as bad as all the parodies make out.

[mrjzxv]

I think they needed to zoom in a bit more into the guy's eye so they can zoom back into the girls eye

[Skycrafter7]

Hello CSI,

The sooner you stop making a mockery of crime scene investigation, computer technology, camera resolutions, and physics in general, the sooner I will stop face-palming.

Thank You,

Someone with a fucking brain.

[DFPFilms1]

@abstractdynamic

 You can

[zedoud12]

This kills me

[abstractdynamic]

In all fairness, Miami and NY are shit. The original is still pretty good.

I quit watching NY when they tested some DNA and said "we can tell she has blue eyes and brown hair". No, you can't.

[The1SpECtre]

I love how at first she was looking down, but then after zooming, she's looking directly at the camera.

[aserta]

Red Dwarf made fun of this. And man did they butt fuck this show with the satire.

[ctpctp]

youtube*com/watch?v=KUFkb0d1kb­U this will make you feel better :) (change asterisk to dot, of course)

[seahen1337]

To magnify 100x without losing detail, the photo would have to be 20,000 megapixels (assuming a 1080p monitor, which is the basic standard for working with photos these days). Which would mean a *huge* camera because of diffraction limiting.

[mismis888]

hahahaha

[hitmanwolf]

reflection off her eye?!?! enough American Tv for me... time for Japanese Tv.

[SoundOfDamned]

Who else is now reminded to "Blade Runner"?

[shdcohoon]

@SoundOfDamned

That's science fiction... CSI is trying to pass this off as actual science.

[themaplebanned]

this makes me want to fucking die

[Evolutionofhell]

kassem g made fun of this.

[melman]

Oh god, this happened? This fucking show is awful.

[Gorkounov]

They should just take a picture of a metropolitian city and use the buildings window reflections to what everyone is up to.

[BigBagsForRent2]

Best thing is the camera flips the eye from side view to front view.

[Noimnotthatguy]

0:25 , did anyone else hear the COD4 sounds?

[Bubbiea]

@Noimnotthatguy typical retarded CODfag, those sounds have around before that shit

[Noimnotthatguy]

@Bubbiea Facepalm.

[random28152]

Why don't they keep zooming to the point they can see the DNA strands of the killer, then cross reference it in the DNA database to find his name. There you go, case closed...

[aznmdragon1023]

those are some damn good security cameras lolololololol

[C0LL1N]

zoom in further to see bacteria

[QuickScopes1011]

Mother of God. Pause at 1:12 thats the Apple of Eden! If you don't know what that is play Assassin's Creed.

[Seabearr]

@QuickScopes1011 i see what u did thar

[Wandervon]

Resolution isn't good? That's the best fucking resolution ever conceived!

[EmoGoneGood]

That is amazing! I mean maybe they can turn the photo around again like they did with that womans eye to look at the killer!

[twilightwindwaker]

Oh come on this is ridiculous. They must have cameras at 1,000,000p.

[KineticNK]

It seems she has..

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

An eye sore

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[DistractedWhiteDude]

@KineticNK lol...

[sesamecherub]

Her eye wasn't even facing straight! But when they zoomed in, it was !?

[senshi85]

you know it's fine since its a fake tv show that they do this as long as you know it's not real. but juries these days think this is real and want this kind of evidence for a real life trial.... what a sad sad world we live in these days.

[catsslashgnats]

The CSI people can make this video 4K.

[Viiroz]

They aren't even trying anymore.. It's like "yeah we got a picture of the victim, just soom in and enhance and there's the killer in the reflection of the victim's hair molecule..."

[Owner951]

omg what a fail, how the hell can the eye suddenly be STRAIGHT at the camera hahaha and the zoom on the basketball, fuck, this show sucks.

[RoniRotta94]

fuckin stupid ass show

[desertedboulevard]

now zoom in+enhance and you have the killers fingerprints.

[strupulf]

Pause at 0:15 for crack addict.

[particle409]

If you walk into the actual NYPD, half the computers are still running Windows 95. There are no flatscreen televisions on every wall.

[kize127]

1 gig security camera

[SergioSource]

AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAH 83787139x43872642 pixels

[TheOneAndOnlyEmad]

lololololol

[rasko125]

LO;:OLOLOL

[LucariosAxe]

I love how she's looking downwards then suddenly on the second zoom it's like I'M STARING RIGHT AT YOU!

[russellwarner1]

are you kidding me!!!! YOUR RESOLUTION IS OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!!!

[simpsoncheat]

"Not a very good resolution"

What the fuck?

[madguy228]

@simpsoncheat and as we all know, the solution to bad resolution is to zoom in further.

[BlaNeon]

Omfg... So stupid.

[jackdexx]

They must be using Photoshop BS 5.5

[93cian]

Not only do they enhance, they can even change the angle at which they look at the eye. They start out looking down at her but as it zooms in, the camera is directly facing her eye.

[djdjukic]

They're obviously using the famed Visual Basic GUI.

[TheChristopherRiot]

Some of the most retarded shit seen on TV.

[kebabsallad]

DAFUQ!, im glad I dont watch this shit :<

[fsmramen]

Those surveilllance cameras you buy 8 packs of for $99 at Sams Club? 320x240. They have a secret cop interface that is XXXXXXXXVGA, or 1,920,000 X 1,200,000 pixels.

[DundrHed]

They have the SPECIAL computers that go bleep-bloop. That's why.

[cactu]

@clacombe14 Yes it is...

[annaborgesable]

WTF????????????????????What is that camera????I think that is a NASA satelit or something like that!!!!

[Gamepopper101]

Suspension of Disbelief broke as soon as they zoomed right in the eye, and somehow able to change the angle of the image.

[weirdal27]

Lieutenant Dan you ain't got no legs!

[heylookachannel]

you people have it all wrong, this is a genius mixture of science fiction and modern day crime investigation

[Dokugo]

my favorite CSI character is yellow box man

[glockman1727ak47]

LOL what a joke of TV show. You have got to be kidding me.

[urbinax]

the monitors showing random shit and graphs lol

[machinimater]

how did the camera change from top left to in front of her?

[ThrashMetalForces]

I like how they enhanced a part of the eye that was not even on the shot or visible on the picture they started from.

[GrayShark09]

Take a photo of the night sky!

Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance! Zoom in! Enhance!

And now you can see images of extrasolar planets and even individual aliens!

[1993gandy]

@GrayShark09 You can even see the bacteria on those planets :D

[twilightwindwaker]

@GrayShark09 And the atoms that make up the aliens.

[i0npath]

Over 15879 hours in MSPAINT

[BrainDawgs0NRG0]

Also, did anybody notice how the face seems to turn towards the camera for the final zoom?

[Deathryuu]

@BrainDawgs0NRG0 I just noticed this too lol. I guess they figured if they're going to be so ridiculous with the "zoom enhance" bs, then having objects in the static photo actually move dynamically is fair game too.

[AJR3]

Fuck this shit!

[Sakeroz]

tv overall is lame booring shit, i only watch discovery channel, spongbob and looney tunes

[NeumatexVitaminico]

Seems legit.

[adlsfreund]

ROFL

[edseiya]

"magnification times 100 for starters" LOLLLLLLLL...... reallyyy?...

i was watching this on tv.., i was like. OHH COMMOOONNNN.. xd

[psyckojoe]

resolution is indeed not very good

my fucking nokia 3310i made sharper pics than this piece if shit

[EmergedCinema]

LEGIT SOFTWARE MY DAD MADE IT

[mimsc00]

Interesting

[BrainDawgs0NRG0]

All the dislikers have NEVER used a computer other than to thumbs down this vid.

[Anonkyou]

@BrainDawgs0NRG0

Graphic Designer here calling the video bullshit

umad?

[BrainDawgs0NRG0]

@Anonkyou You misinterpreted my comment, I was saying those who do not agree with the title (by giving a thumbs down) have never used a computer.

[Anonkyou]

@BrainDawgs0NRG0

My apologies. =]

[ZATTOTUB]

Already seen in "Blade Runner" ... if I remember well, it was the reflection in the knob of the door. But in the future, 10 Gpixel might be the standard resolution for security video ...

[jamesmbsmith]

@clacombe14 Let's enhance it.

[galluer]

Why bother find faults ? This is for jobless housewives.

[DCSwipe1]

You've got to be shitting me

[Borikuaedu3991]

You forgot to uncrop.

[jewellui]

'Resolution isn't very good' for a reflection of the cornea of an eye of a woman looking at an angle on a dark grainy video...

[nebraskame]

@jewellui LOL! EXACTLY

[dstoried]

Forget resolution, the lens to make this optically possible would weigh 500,000 lbs.

[IdiosyncraticTapping]

@dstoried It's bird magic.

[MegaFoch]

yes it is *AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­W YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA*

[MXpsycho52]

Thumbs up if you came from 9gag!

[Daverdare]

ENHANCE ALL THE PICTURES!!!

[TehNaylor]

"Resolution isn't very good" Bitch, 3 dimensional imaging is pretty good.

[B3nH4n]

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[BossyMeatCreature]

this is why i DO watch CSI

[fotozeus]

Photoshop CS56 kicks ass!

[DomIstKrieg]

What? Reflection of his eye? Increase the........ah my head!!!!!

[UnderwhelmingPlywood]

Did dat nigga jus look thru a spoon?

[thamesr]

Lt. Dan used to find killers using corneal reflections, but then he took a grenade to the knee.

[maciasusn]

@thamesr

Then he marries an ugly (but nice) Asian woman.

[maciasusn]

Lieutenant Dan can walk?

[Biolizard28]

"Corneal reflection"

I don't know guys, this seems pretty tame.

"Let's see if we can get a reflection off her eye."

Fuck off.

[peniosasdasd]

They always have to have a waveform of some kind on screen at all times, to, you know, represent all the bullshit sound effects their computers make as they defy all the laws of technology and physics.

[2ane]

i just dont get why directors of crime-series need to ruin the supposed gritty realistic atmosphere of their shows with these tech-magic bullshit scenes, not even some 65 year old housewife could believe this for a second.

[MissHelloMara]

@2ane I seriously doubt that guys who come up with this technology stuff actually expect from us to believe it.I personally think they are giving hints to the real technology scientist what to try to make.XD

[MageAtYou]

@MissHelloMara youre fucking dumb

[MissHelloMara]

@MageAtYou

Go fuck yourself too.<3

you faggot

[tontsa911]

"Resolution isn't very good..."

"Yes it is."

That's all you need to know about CSI.

[zabaoth]

With all the fancy image processing all they got that it was a dude on a tshirt carrying a basketball. Sure, that narrows it down to pretty much all of NY's black population.

[Cidhighwind2]

@zabaoth fancy image processing? More like fantasy image processing, these shows are total garbage.

[Feff333]

100000000000000000000 pixels surveillance camera.

[Pkahill]

crap crap which camera can get that shoot of a reflection on the eye

[dinobotpwnz]

Thanks for posting this. I always knew CSI was a PoS but this just took it to a whole new level.

[blaboratories]

I can see him thinking: "It's almost tooooo easy."

[yotaron]

"Looks like a Guy in a Tshirt"

how original..

[gentrelane]

shades of wild wild west

[ksungjin10]

so is every office building equipped with powerful cameras like this?

[moobjob]

Hornial imaging

[MundyArtStudio]

rofl - the resolution isnt very good ???

[borisyankov]

Resolution isn't very good? Ah the youngsters nowadays....

[joblessalex]

LOL! If only...

[InnerSpaceTravel1]

It's pretty common knowledge that the average security cam frame contains 64TB of information.

[JWG095]

@InnerSpaceTravel1 rofl so true

[MrParrotFucker]

Pathetic.

[boomeraang123]

lousy trillion megapixel security cameras

no wonder the resolution isnt good

[armystrong8808]

flip...enhance... there.. there's our killer....zoom 5,000,000X ... enhance....we got out DNA match, lets over dramatically catch this bastard...

[SuperSilentAce]

Yes it is a well known fact that all security cameras have a hubble resolution.

[hauz1life]

AHAHAHAHAHA

[CynicalVision]

I love how the angle also changes to match up perfectly with the eye.

[TheGuerillatary]

There's ALWAYS a reflection.

[SonoNessuno]

My memory might fail me, but the I don't recall the first, original CSI to be like this :\

[SpyengoEen]

Security cameras with telescope lenses? That's a paddli- oh wait wrong show.

[JaketheMovieMaker]

Magnification times 100 for starters...

That was a quick way to disregard real life.

[Darwyn7]

Enhance. Enhance. Enhance.

[Task5003]

Corneal Imaging LMAO

[sergiano]

LMAO xD

They should have rotated the image to see her pocket and find her driving license.

[Rayss95]

Holy shit I'm crying. "The resolution isn't very good". Yes it is.

[shogrran]

WTF? They zoomed in on a perspective image of an eye and the eye isn't even skewed. Then took a reflection from the eye? Those CTV cameras are using hubble space telescope lenses. Ive seen a tv show do a reflection off of a guys watch which is more believable than this shit.

[eatmyshorts2007]

wtf I'm actually pissed off

[TheBrightPinkRobot]

I'm a graphic designer at a newspaper... It's because of crap like this that people think we can magically make shit photo's better! "Can't we zoom in and enhance it somehow?" Sorry, but we don't have Photoshop CSI edition just yet. XD

[RocketCatDK]

@TheBrightPinkRobot Oh my god I now totally want Photoshop CSI! (and maybe Illustrator CSI - to make criminally good logos!)

[pencilmage]

omg, bladerunner tech come true!

[crackspider101]

The eye fucking changed angle when they "magnified" it.

[nachoijp]

super security cams? ok, I let it pass. super enhancing a low res picture.. hummm, ok, it may be possible some day... changing the angle of the reflection?? WTF!!!!???

[leonkennedy4011]

im go kill myself after seeing this, I don't want to live in a world where writers are this bad

[Xormithan]

*20 second long facepalm*

[valveguy27]

IS ANYONE ELSE WONDERING HOW THE FUCK HE SAW THOUGH A METAL SPPON?

[Gummifunzel]

tempura1234 is a faggot, this makes perfect sense.

I don´t see any reason not to watch that great show.

[ShifterInTheShadows]

@Gummifunzel It would make perfect sense in the year 3000, maybe. Stuff like this just isn't possible, and it makes the show more WTF when they do something like this.

[Gummifunzel]

@ShifterInTheShadows

I was being ironic.

[TheKuroKaminari]

@Gummifunzel

LOL IT'S MY FIRST TIME ON THE INTERNET

[atayl230]

...what?



[dalfvideos]

This is BRILLIANT.

[rageagaintstheNWO]

So that eye was in a different angle because she was not looking at the sec cam, how did the eye magically faced the camera? Oh right, ponies and MAGIC! HERPDERP

[morphman86]

Oh yeah, everyone knows about Corneal Imaging... it's like a filter in Photoshop nowadays :P

[torosyan]

@morphman86 looooooooooooooooooooooooool

[Caharpuka]

This makes MacGyver look real...what has the world come to...

[TheUnstudiousWill]

I feel like when he said that the "Resolution isn't very good," he was actually commenting on the resolution to the plot, not on the resolution of the image.

[ShortRoundMcFly72]

@TheUnstudiousWill

lol