Drunk: The Miracle of Swindon Town #13

[TheIndiverselikeyeah]

I live in Brighton in Hove!! :D

[lackingcreativity4]

I'm listening to this while I'm in bed hungover.

[roxyqueen2]

I sometimes think you need to have one dodgy experience with alcohol to know where your limit is. At least, that's what I tell myself =/

[Bellaful900]

havn't you told this story before????????????

[TheFanwindow]

David Babcock? xD It was the first one I found on google, haha

[plki901]

Bad decisions make great stories.

[MissRumphuis]

I spent my Valentines Day watching a grown man play FIFA. I don't think this is wrong.

[wtfduckduck]

Wow... you poor guy. D:

[nerdra]

I heard a lot of similar stories at my own college, though mostly the urination/vomiting locales were wastebaskets and floors, rather than underneath friends' blankets... I myself once fell asleep (or possibly passed out) while drunkenly urinating, but thankfully I was sitting on a toilet in a locked bathroom at the time, so my embarrassment was minimal. However, the incident still scares me a little, because had I had alcohol poisoning, no one would've been able to get in to help me not die.

[MajesticTOASTER]

John Green peed on his friend's dorm mattress. That, sir, should be in your author's biography.

[chipiy172]

09:09 "#1"? place to "pee"? lol was that intensional?

[MsPiplette]

oh my... I am laughing so hard tears are coming out of my eyes. "I just have to pee..."

[kristinemarcotte]

That looks a lot like Sleepwalking. I've got a friend who tends to do weird stuff when she goes to sleep after drinking. (one time she open her bedroom window and took the screen out. middle of winter. Other time she got up an hour after going to bed, took a cigarette, put a blanket on her shoulder. I was on her couch me:"You woke up just to smoke?!" "No, but now I'm gonna" "You know we've been asleep for about 1hr?" "yay" she said, going back to sleep. she's got no memories of that)

[fallers]

'i just gotta pee' this part, i just died.

[mthsbandrocks]

My roommate was drunk, took off her shoe and puked in it. Then she puked under my desk. Good think I love her or else I would've been pissed.

[MartyCrack95]

has anyone ever told you have he best voice ever? :D

[bubble992]

A friend of mine told me about his flatmate who pissed on his own bedroom carpet at uni, when they have en-suites... Also, my mum's friend sleep walks and pisses in his bedroom cupboard. Something about being inebriated means people urinate in odd places.

[303archangel]

mcgovern, johannes mcgovern 

[iamthedocotor]

julius mcgovern

[JFlore56]

I know I couldn't have been the only one who kind of wished that this was a video of John playing FIFA while drunk.

[LiteralGaming]

I still plan on getting really drunk tonight :)

[LiteralGaming]

I'm from Brighton :)

[affenonkel]

I feel really good about my Christmas Day all of a sudden.

[iasonharper]

"I would vomit as I spun down the hill" ohhhh beautiful, just beautiful

[aalibobally333]

why did the roommate let him pee??

...

[nossecroissant]

@aalibobally333 as someone who's been in similar situation, I can tell you that once he's whipped it out, you really don't want to interfere.

[Javjean]

I think it's ADORABLE and CUTE that John waited till college to get drunk.

[ajswanson91]

I've heard some pretty embarrassing drunk stories, but oh my gosh. Stories like that are one of the reasons I don't drink. Thank you for sharing that with us, John XD

[ciasplntr]

This is the funniest drunk story I've ever heard. I love you, John Green.

[lovefromeponine]

John Green I actually feel so much better about myself now....just...oh man

[austic1]

ALABAMA IS WHERE I LIVE!!!!!!! COOL!!!!

[LmnMrnG]

This story never gets old.

[chemexplosions]

I have to say the last part if that story was not as bad as the THREE times my female friend slept with the SAME GUY who wet her bed each time...you'd think she would learn... Apparently not.

[nathpollen]

I understand that university is about learning and such, but I'd argue it's just as much about the experience. Yes, you should work hard to learn and achieve good grades, but I think it's much better to spend my saturday night out with friends, enjoying a suitable amount of drinks, than to stay home and study. That's what Sunday is for. :)

[foreverjynxed]

How did I miss this Swindon Town?

... better question, why did I choose 3am to watch it?

I am now trying so hard not to laugh that I am choking on air...

John Green, you brilliant storyteller, you!

You have such wonderful stories from your life.

[sethwerewolf]

manchester United? This just got personal.

[ConfidencePants]

Jillian.

Jillian McGovern.

[ConfidencePants]

Jillian

[Allyscribit]

This is our go-to cheer-up video.

[cking636]

@Allyscribit My cheer-up video is Day9 explaining micro.

[ExpectoKiwiland]

:D

[schaefy01]

Oh John Green, even your drunken stories don't disappoint!

[RememberTheTrees]

How about John? >.> John Mcgovern.

[saikogrrl]

Ahhh, Grandpa Green gives college advice XD stay in school, kids!

[nerdra]

Wow, so... WOW.

The first time I got badly drunk was Junior year of college; my resultant actions including slapping the ass of a guy I barely knew, having a loud and semipublic discussion about vibrators (in mixed company... classy), then later locking myself in the bathroom to be sick and soon thereafter passing out while peeing (sitting on the toilet--point for me). I woke up about four hours later and slunk quietly home to suffer the worst hangover day of my life. Personal limits? LEARNED.

[nerdra]

@nerdra And I completely hear what you're saying about American college binge drinking: this event occurred at a house party well after I had begun drinking carefully and very occasionally with friends AND after I had spent a largely unsupervised month abroad in Russia, a country where you can buy booze on every corner and the legal age is 18. But the college party scene, with its colorful array of soda mixers, cheap tequila, and boxed wines, consumed with abandon and in arbitrary order... BAM.

[TheCitrosity]

Jimmy-John :)

[kimlevi94]

It's weird because here in The Netherlands the legal drinking age is 16. There are a few kids who really mess everything up, but most people know when to stop, although that doesn't say they do stop.

[OwlsnTurtles]

Good lord. That was so hilarious.

[doleightful]

Also: Funniest drunk story I've ever heard. My roommate is asleep, and I just laughed so incredibly hard that it actually hurt my body to try to hold it in.

[doleightful]

Instead of drinking in college, I watch an adult man play FIFA on YouTube.

[Roybotica]

I felt your pain through the whole story. I mean, I laughed a few times, but as soon as I realized what you were about to do in your friends bed, I was instantly embarrassed for you.

[TheFlamingBlok11]

Joseph-Smith McGovern

[sdux18]

his real name is jon-paul mcgovern

[lillyofthefield101]

That was the most hilarious story I have ever heard, and laughed for a full five minutes. My brother is giving me odd stares...

[NaughtyTeacup]

I really don't give a rat's ass about football/soccer in real life but I get so excited for the Swoodilypoopers when we win! As in I am sitting here cheering at my computer screen. I think I understand my grandfather and his reactions during football matches a lot better now.

[CarrieDAway12]

Jackson. I just like that name.

[theJJcomedycrew]

JoeJonas Mcgovern

[psychofreak21]

Stonewall Jackson McGovern

LeroyJenkins Williamson

Idk for F. Bolzoni

[lightyforthewin]

I have too many health problems to be able to drink more than one alcoholic drink a night... so when my friends have a party, I'm "that one sober chick" more often that not. (Unless I'm the high one because yeaaah prescription painkiillers when needed.)

I've come to hate the drinking nights because it's just me babysitting my friends all night when they turn into slutty drunks and 2-year-olds. I dread the day the youngest in our group turns 19 and our group has a legit reason to go to bars.

[Fallen13Angel7]

im just shocked that he managed to unmake and then remake a bed in his inebriated state.lol

[LaneRachael]

John Green: peeing on everything you love. 

[whatallison]

I've always wondered about the train of thoughts of people who pee in places that aren't bathrooms when they are drunk.

[whoaA2headedturtle]

I spent my first year of college I spent it actually trying to learn and being intellectually engaged and not drinking.

Then I realized I was taking my education more seriously then my school was, so I started drinking.

[mynameismelin]

"my hair was wet, which would indicate that i had taken a shower..."

john, i didn't know you were in legally blonde.

[Johannasmirror]

MIDDLE PATH JOKE: I APPRECIATE IT.

[Johannasmirror]

Kenyon College People: Can we have a nerdfighter gathering?

[CherryLaxative]

The "logic" of pulling up the sheets so you can pee and putting them back... sounds a lot like dream logic. So I guess being drunk is a bit like having one of those crazy pissing dreams where the toilet is really weird and in the middle of a crowded room. Considering how many of those dreams I tend to have, I think I've made the right choice in deciding to stay far away from alcohol... I'd just pee on EVERYTHING.

[poetgirl852]

This was one of my all time favorite John Green stories from Kenyon! I thought the fall down the hill was a different night than the peeing night. Oh Sunday afternoons in the Mather lounge hearing the stories from the night before. No one ever made me laugh more than you.

[summerstars11]

Watching this while at Kenyon :)

[Bla57Double]

justice mcgovern 

[ddc32997]

I have figured out how to tell how you feel at the end of each game/story.

The happier you say "Best Wishes!" the happier you are :)

[PkKid09]

When he was explaining how he rolled while vomiting, all i could imagine Sonic's charging spin.

[thebigaman101]

funniest john green story of all time

[wearscarvesandread]

Sha-wer.

[elvenlie]

I was cheering the Seagulls the whole time :(

[lilyenc]

I haven't been seriously drunk, and now I'm sufficiently deterred from doing so xD

although this might be a little hard with the availability of 1.50/pint pear cider...

[DeemotheAtheist]

A kid on my university campus died last year, he drank most of a bottle of vodka and passed out on the sports field on the way back to his dorm

[rethinkOURreality]

I keep on laughing at this story though...hahaha

[rethinkOURreality]

I agree about the binge drinking thing. I decided that I'm probably not gonna drink until I turn 21 (which isn't that long now) and I will NEVER get "drunk". I like to be in control, what can I say...

Speaking of people going to sleep from alcohol, I was at a football game once where this guy behind me was doing the same thing. It took his friends 2hrs to buy him water so he could get better! I was really worried and was about to step in to help the guy too.

[TheStarGazer93]

LOL i was laughing so hard while listening to this hahahaha

[Clawaccio]

YES. KASABIAN ADVERT! Leicester FTW.

[LifeLostSoul]

Good possession today not Hank. 

[IamwhateverIwishtobe]

Well John, when you're old, and dying, and choking on your own bile, you can say "At least I got drunk and pissed on some poor guy's bed."

[PrettyGreenGoat]

I'm using my Saturday night in college to watch the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers.

[lightyforthewin]

@PrettyGreenGoat Better a Saturday night than the night before a midterm when you're trying to study...

I wish my midterm were on the history of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers rather than the history of China. More interesting and I'd do better.

[nerdra]

@PrettyGreenGoat That is how I squandered my expensive and valuable college education as well. I mean, I graduated and everything, but there were a helluva lot of papers that I wrote in a mere 24 hours, and assignments and tests that did not get completed or studied for on Saturday nights. At least it's better than binge drinking!...

[TheButtonFairy]

I'm rather impressed that all your life stories seem to be very interesting. 

[YouGottaBeJokingz]

I am listening to this as I sit through a hangover from a party. I feel guilty.

[EverHopefulWhit]

My freshman roommate had a boyfriend who stayed over every night. Once he got so wasted that around midnight, when they were in bed sleeping, he woke up, realized he needed to pee, and rather than getting up and going into the bathroom (we had a private bathroom), he would just pee there in the bed. Apparently there was quite a screaming match, as my roommate woke up immediately after she was peed on. All he could say was "Stop yelling, you'll wake Whit!" But she didn't. I slept through it all.

[EverHopefulWhit]

My freshman roommate had a boyfriend who stayed over every night. Once he got so wasted that around midnight, when they were in bed sleeping, he woke up, realized he needed to pee, and rather than getting up and going into the bathroom (we had a private bathroom), he would just pee there in the bed. Apparently there was quite a screaming match, as my roommate woke up immediately after she was peed on. All he could say was "Stop yelling, you'll wake Whit!" But she didn't. I slept through it all.

[milkyway531]

lol 'the romanticizing of this drinking...' you do know that YOU wrote looking for alaska right?

[sallyrhiannon]

believe me my first drunken experience is an even better example. i was 15, made out with tow guys in quick sucsesion, one of whom was 21 and gay. i then preceded to pissing myself, vomiting in my hair and leaving my handbag in close proximity to some dodgy italians who promtly stole it. my friends then phoned my parents who came to collect me. and the most embarresing thing about it is that i didnt drink all that much. it was literally only 1 1/2 litres.

i havent heard the end of it yet.

[horsefliesandlimes]

John green has peed in your bed.... thats almost as funny as everyone poops in my pants :P

[themanwhocan2kx]

this channels name should be changed to "vloggames"

[MarkNie1]

John Green the football (soccer) player died on August 15th, 2010

[zellypoo]

When the story reached peaks of embarrassment i couldn't help but notice that John assumed a particular way of speaking.

Was that a regression caused by anxiety? Was that how teenage-John spoke?

WIll we ever find out?

[mevexatpede]

@zellypoo I noticed that too... "shAAƝwer"

[ohtehnoes1337]

It's okay John, my drunken uncle once peed in my Xbox. He opened the disc tray (as if that would help) and peed in the Xbox.

[GoFloatOnAPontoonxD]

What flawless logic!

[PeaceLoveEnmity]

Johnjacobjingleheimershmidt.

[SamGlover25]

Why would you have died? Hypothermia?

[LibrarianToBe]

@SamGlover25 alcohol poisoning.

[Uhlisahh]

@SamGlover25 Yes, because you know, sleeping in the snow would not have been good.

[alollapalooza]

...The commercial before the video was in Spanish.

WHAT THE HELL.

[runnerh2]

john McGovern?



[13menrollingdown]

Jinglemeister!

[13menrollingdown]

why was the dog food commercial in spanish... google failed to know my demographic?

[8jamesj8]

Justice McGovern lol law

[DFTBeAwesome]

I want to hear stories about college writing. And about Henry!

[MemoryCardOfLife]

"Everything in moderation." Except close-ups of John green's mustache and Other John Green's puff.

[bwaynerd2027]

9:00 - 9:20 made me laugh so hard.

[xemily91]

The things you do for this, John. Thanks for embarrassing yourself for our learning experience. (:

[MuchToDoAboutNowt]

noooot quite sure why I watched a dog-food advert in spanish

[llamanamedkip]

Julius McGovern

[pavaromo]

Joaquin McGovern. Duh.

[AloeWildii]

Why was my pre-video ad in Spanish.

[dylanthechameleon]

I'm only 13, and I haven't gotten drunk yet. Regardless of what people tell me, I think it's a good thing. xD

[bgphantom3]

@dylanthechameleon Do you mean that it's a good thing to drink, or that you haven't gotten drunk yet?

[Spirit485]

I am a freshman in college and I agree with you, My parents paid a lot of money for me to be here, and this is just another step to creating the person I want to be in the world why would I waste that? Why would I throw all that away? I'm privileged to have this kind of education handed to me. I drink sometimes on the weekends don't get me wrong I love a good party but I would never let it interfere with my school work. I've worked too hard to stop now.

[Matslek08]

Actually, I can't picture you rolling down a hill

[thebexperson]

Hahaha, that is one of the best stories ever. I l'ed oh el.

[Jaredsellick]

His fist name is Jellybean

[unsightlyboot]

I got drunk once when I was eighteen, and said I would never drink again, and I meant it...I think I must be the only person who has ever stuck to that.

[heykel890]

I want Swindon Town Swoodlypoopers gear! Pronto.

[alucidminute]

Hahahahahahaha that's hilarious! Drunk people are so funny! The first time I was really drunk I can't remember much either. But I didn't do anything like that! It was at a house party when I was quite young (for American standards I think but not that young for English standards) and I just remember waking up in a bed with my friend and we had out coats on. Assumedly because we were cold. No idea why we didn't just get under the covers. That was fun finding out how the night went!

[ammiella]

So. Hilarious.

[sakura32796]

It would be so awesome if John and Hank had like...an occasional podcast!

[omgzut4444]

I'd love to hear more kenyon stories!

[SpicedHammers]

why do you not have a podcast?

[MelonBerriable]

Jay McGovern. :p 

[OhWowAshDoesThings]

I'm really excited that others at your University can tell the sheet-peeing story and end it with 'He is now a New York Times Best Selling Author with more than 1 Million Twitter followers.'

That sir, is one hell of a moral.

[FlailingHenchmen]

@MrGaberthegamer I suffer from depression. I don't see that as an excuse.

[MrGaberthegamer]

@FlailingHenchmen sorry bout that I was making a very general stupid reason that might answer the dudes question and sorry for your depression

[vampirica89]

Johnghis Khan. :D

[Jinnaltastic]

Jarvis McGovern.

[MsPurpleMusic]

I started off this video eating... I then quickly stopped.

[whatthepeanuts]

Juniper

[mmmocto]

you were LUCKY they got you home? What kind of friends would leave you knocked out in the snow?

[themuffindragon]

@mmmocto college kids, that's who

[Slayso]

Jock McGovern.

[068ant]

John's friend was pissed off

[tasuki199]

Hello from Pensacola Beach, FL.  Have you ever been this way before?

[Nima1992]

Jimmy!

[keladry12]

Jeebus McGovern



[JagannathMxO]

Jeeves McGovern, Esq.

[GKTiffanyMariah]

CAN WE PLEASE GET "FINISHER" T-SHIRTS!?

[MsJizzyjazzy]

Jester!

[LoganWGum]

Uncle Jesse Mcgovern.

[hockeymurph34]

Jeremiah. first name that came to mind.

[TheeOhMyDear]

Jäegermeister McGovern in honor of your drunkenness

[mystdragon33]

Jeffrey

[RaptorJesus8525]

I think we should just make his first name John and his last name McGreenvern.

[upandadam89]

2 people have had their bed peed on by a drunk guy

[781228XX]

How are all of your college friends so successful?

[DaftBryan]

Jello.



[wateve2u]

dude my dad went to the same college as you!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hrrypttrfn]

Awesome story. Also, J should stand for Jäger, and don't forget the umlaut.

[jerryyan24]

watching this video in my freshman in college. hmm, party this saturday, what to do... what to do?

[HaploidCell]

My analysis:

Binge-drinking + shitty friends = trouble.

"Everything in moderation" = ok.

And the man's name is Jailo.

[HaploidCell]

Surprise, surprise.

The only people, who think drinking is bad, are themselves bad at drinking.

A) You are not learning all the time. You need downtime.

B) Drinking with some friends, not harming anyone, not driving cars - who cares?

You are not harming anybody (except maybe yourself, but that is your decision) and most people actualy know their "level".

Sure, some people can't handle their drink. It is their mistake that they drink - the rest of the drinkers is not accountable for that.

[deathnotefan386]

@HaploidCell john's opposed to binge drinking/getting drunk though, not any drinking at all.

[raspberrymacarons]

This is freaking hilarious.

[pattinsonluvr17]

i want a shirt that says pecifically this "i peed on this guys bed and then i put the sheets back on so he would never know... i guess- John Green" that should be a new shirt on dftba lol

[wafflegirl67]

Hey John-

Do you think you could talk about your first kiss when you play next? I'm sure that will be an interesting story.

Thanks,

Wafflegirl67

DFTBA!