Self-Loathing

[Cornbag]

I'm full of self-loathing but in my case I have good reason, I'm a minger.

[frugalnanny]

thank you do much. I am dealing with this in a big way.

I had the love but I never had the things I needed.

I watched my siblings and I get hit to left behind and married off at very young ages.

my parent dealth with their own self loathing issues.

[Kitten9Lives]

Thank you for sharing with us! Hope all is well!

[anoceanwithinme]

thank you

[thethinkingfeeling]

All I can say is thank you.

[thecrackwalker]

@thethinkingfeeling You too huh.. we can make it better... look insdie deeper for the one you lost

[chisao]

I am glad for you that you are getting better. Keep it up:)

[MsMcthomas]

wow

[JohnWesleyMethodist]

I'm glad that the creator of this video is getting better. I have been getting better too, but with many downer days :( We just got to keep on keeping on, by setting goals of where we want to be in the future.

[hj351]

i went through the same thing and am still going through it. This video helped me because it gives me a focus, I always knew i hated myself but I thought I had a handle on it. I don't. the older I get the worse it gets. I am actively seeking counselling now.

[thecrackwalker]

@hj351 Good for you. Therapy is the only that saved me from offing myself.

[latehare1]

@thecrackwalker Thankyou! You are an inspiration!

[Egregore999]

Dying...

[thecrackwalker]

@Egregore999 Can I help? You sound so sad.

[Egregore999]

@thecrackwalker I wish anybody could help me. My life is like torture. My arms are full of scars, my head full of suicidal thoughts. I HATE myself, I can't look at me in the mirror. I'm simply ugly, disgusting. Nobody likes me, I just can't be loved. Everybody around me is so beautiful... I'm only 20 years old and my life is already ending. I feel like nobody hates himself as I do...

(Sorry if my English is not perfect, I'm from Belgium)

[thecrackwalker]

@Egregore999 have you seen any doctors? psychiatrists, psychologists?? You need to be able to have some psychiatric help.. I don't know thw rules in belgium.

[Egregore999]

@thecrackwalker Yes, I've seen thousand of psychiatrists and psychologists... But I still totally hate myself... I ruin my life... =(

[thecrackwalker]

@Egregore999 I suspect you have had a terrible life, full of disappointments and sadness. me too, I always compared my life to the life my parents would have liked me to have. But even doing that I failed to get them to apprciate me. Until I faced the hurts of my past I hated myself as much as you hate yourself now. By learning to accpet the would never love me, I began to realize there was a real me inside. I am working on that person now. and I don't like my image, but I do like ME.

[gplus46]

@Egregore999

There must be something you are waiting for? What keeps you going?

[Egregore999]

@gplus46 Music and literature are the only things that keeps me alive.

[photon72]

@Egregore999 I know what you mean. It‘s all i have left too.

[ireallyhatespiders]

I've hated myself since the first time I was called ugly in 1st grade... it got worse every time they said it.

[thecrackwalker]

@ireallyhatespiders I am so sorry you had to endure that. I still cannot look in the mirror and see my face, but I can accept (kinda more than I used to) my personality.

[ireallyhatespiders]

@thecrackwalker Yeah, I'm the same with the mirror.

[thecrackwalker]

Wrong on both counts. Why are you so judgemental?

[akeley67]

You have touched my inner feelings, i ceratainly fit this description...I know that it is my own fault that my life is in shamblesl, with the exeption of an injury on horseback that left me disabled and in chronic pain that no doctor wants to treat...i feel worthless in society am isolated and very anger..my pain angers me...i feel at times that i am going crazy...not sure that i am not...but sometimes i do wish i could just die...leave it all in search of a better place..

[thecrackwalker]

it sounds like your pain is ruining your life. Don't let it win. try to find one small thibg that helps you - like the computer.. you need to have some hope. I am here if you want to message me. i do care.

[matthewseery]

I don't suffer from self-hate or depression, but I know someone who does, that's how I found this video, to see what they might be feeling. You're story is so sad, but I can't thank you enough for sharing it. Your story will probably be different to the person I know, but I think having an insight into the basic condition of self-loathing will help me to help her. I hope everything works out well for you, I truly do.

[thecrackwalker]

I hope you and your girl friend can make use of the information here. It's nice to have the friends and family who care and are supportive.

[drunkalfuzzyness]

i always had tons of love around me as a child. The only thng i can think of that was traumatic was when i was about 10-11 and i slowly saw my grandmother deterirate and die. Then a few years later my uncle died in car accident, then my last grandad died a few years ago now. I reely dont like myself as a person.. but i dont think it is their fault. how could it be?

iv recently lost a best friend.. well two best friends. Iv gained a fiencee who i adore.....

[drunkalfuzzyness]

I hate myself (i think more than i realise) because i want to be a better happyer person like i used to be before i lost my friends But i know we can never be friends again.. and even if we were it would never be the same. It was my choice to get them out of my life. i wish nothing had of changed but it has and i have to deal with this.

[drunkalfuzzyness]

I HATE that i struggle with this. I HATE im self concious. I HATE that i feel dumb. I HATE that i dont ever properly listen. I HATE that i see all these things, and more, that i need to change.. but i just dont. My mind is a blank.. and yep... I reely hate this!! I lack motivation. ahh im i making sense. When i get so anoied with myself i do end up hitting myself.. mainly on my head where no one can see bruises.

[drunkalfuzzyness]

I HATE doing this but i need to teach myself a lesson. Iv recently lost faith in the Catholic Church. a LOT of guilt towards my family. but i cant help what i believe. i know i hurt my mum last year when i didnt show up to midnight mass. this makes me so sad. many other things.. please help me!! :'(

btw the comments i have made start from the bottom up for some reason.. i don't know why.

[thecrackwalker]

Boy you are just filled with the hate. I really think you need someonne to talk to and council you on your probs. have you seen your dr. or a shrink. It's sad isn't it. I felt that way all my life.. and now after 5 yrs of intensive therapy I can say I am a changed person.

[thecrackwalker]

don't worry about your faith at the moment. your thinking is confused. wait til you are back on your feet then make the decision

[thecrackwalker]

Please contact me in a private message and maybe we can talk. :) be strong and have hope.

[thecrackwalker]

ooph! those are hard things to get over. I am sorry for your pain.

[drunkalfuzzyness]

i havnt reely had the time to read your site fully. been buisy and even if i did.. today id just net concentrate on what i was reading. bad day :/

[thecrackwalker]

I can relate to that. When I have a bad day I can't concentrate or understand anything I have read, let alone save it to memory. :) It's a good. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[thecrackwalker]

I am great! Like the Kellogg tiger.. Tony

[Bledoston]

It feels like I can love any person in the world. Be they serial killers or saints. But when it comes to myself its night impossible as if I wherent apart of the human race, or a living being, at all.

However your experience has helped me realize some things. All luck to you.

Thanks.

[thecrackwalker]

I agree with you, I have enoyugh love to spend, on anyone who comes along, until I meet myself in the mirror then the hate begins.

[LYNXVAL]

I am sorry you had non loving parents! I know that was hard for you!

[thecrackwalker]

well, yes, its sad.. i hope parents see this and give their children love and support, empathy and value to their kids

[SouthHamptonLady]

You are talking about me. It has taken me years to get to the point that I am o.k. with being with me. And even then I have times that the same self loathing thinking come back.

[thecrackwalker]

Yes, its sad isn't it. I don't hate myself anymore, something licked in therapy and bob's yer uncle

[Sithspit777]

I'm glad to hear that you're pulling your self out of it. I have been trying. I have seen a counselor but he didn't help shit. Tried tackling it with the help of a friend who in the end proved me further right about myself. But people can't comprehend what it means to utterly hate everything about yourself. You believe these thoughts entirely, they aren't exaggerations. But i CAN NOT stop this. And i get weaker from it every day. I don't any specific event caused this. I just became this.

[rockinrex]

You are an inspiration.Thanks for having the courage to share what so many of us has buried inside.

[thecrackwalker]

Y'know, I carried this illness around with me for like 50 yrs now. That was enough, it was way over due to be talked about openly.. so here I am, speaking out

[Carla242004]

That's the thing I hate about myself, the social anxiety. So many people have taken advantage of me and I feel inferior to the ones who can speak up. Sounds like you've dated a lot more than me. At least you gave it a try. I'm 28 almost 29 and can't remember the last time I've been on a date! I feel like an outcast.

[thecrackwalker]

hey there, I have felt like an outcaste my whole life.. it is only recently that I consider I might have something to offer..

I encourage you to seek treament, or continue the treatment you are on, intensivepsychotherapy is setting me free to go places I never dreamed of before..

[500cu]

so its in the genes,by the sound of it.

thanks.

[thecrackwalker]

yes, mental illness is genetic, unfortuneatly

[500cu]

Another great vid.! A Question for you: do your siblings suffer from any emotional/mental disorders ? I was the eldest by 9 years and while I suffer with BPD and chronic depression mine dont seem to.

[thecrackwalker]

I am the third of 4, two are older by 5 and 7 yrs and one is younger by 3 years.. The oldest have emotional probs, the second has an eating disorder the youngest doesn't talk about things.. my great-aunts where affected, one spending 20 yrs in an asylum the other one offed hersle. My grandfather was affected, he might have offed himself too but it is hushed up.

[gerdenshed]

I like you ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

[thecrackwalker]

thank you I like you too :)

[f417h]

ThnX

Yer beautiful speaker.

-/\/\uTe :)

[thecrackwalker]

thank you

[littlemonster333]

Great video! I'm sending you a big big virtual hug!!! X

[thecrackwalker]

thank you {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} right back

[Bestrong4]

Once again another great video

[thecrackwalker]

Thank you..

[jaxkipi]

Wow...That was EXCELLENT. Come here you...lemme put my arms aroung you and hug you. You are very loved here on YT. You're videos are amazing. You know why? Because YOU are amazing! We love you out here in YT. Rock on babydoll!

[thecrackwalker]

Thank you.. that means a lot..

Hugs back

[HumanTruth0000]

Great :)

[thecrackwalker]

thank you

[mumsow]

I just wish I could put my arms around you and hug you, and tell you what an inspirational wonderful lady you are. kx

[thecrackwalker]

Thank you - you know I'd hug you right back

[failinskool]

I hate myself more than anyone will ever know,and it comforts me to know that I'm not the only one.

[thecrackwalker]

I hated myself for 50 yrs or more, I wasted my life because i didn't know I could get help for what I was feeling..plz find a therapist to get you in touch with your demons..

peace

[maximotion]

I'm glad to hear you're gettin there. I'm still waiting for my psychologist...

[thecrackwalker]

Yes, its been a long hard road.. I hope you get your psychologist soon..